Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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My hometown suuuucks for tinder/okcupid. Good thing I'm just here for a few weeks.

Matched on Tantan with a single mom in NYC. Maybe I'll pop up there for a visit soon. Going to visit friends there anyway, might as well flex my pimp muscles.
 
texting games are the worst. If they dont feel like talking to me because i dont have the time to put in crazy amounts of effort into a text, then im probably not for them. The only thing i kind of do, if im bored at work the conversation is kind of new, i will draw a portrait on a postit note and send it to them. Got to put my art skills to the test. Usually if they like it, i say i can give it to them when we meet for coffee and then make plans for coffee. Worked... like 5 times already lol.

I already have (checks google chat) i already have 10 girls that i check up with every day and have small conversations with and thats not counting the girls i just talk to on OkC and Tinder/Bumble chat... what the fuck am i doing. sigh.

Tonight should be fun, i havent made chowder in ages

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ZackieChan said:
Where do you live, Krauser?
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Chicago, and like in the city city even though i work outside of chicago i would rather live here then live closer to work. Im more fortunate i have a wider amount of people to choose from and i photograph pretty well so i dont have a problem getting hits on tinder or OKC.

How do you guys transition from having a couple of people you like to just 1 person. I might be heading down that road. I still think all the girls im talking to are nice and have qualities i like but a couple stand out and they seem like they might be up for something more. I dont know how to go about letting the other ones go.
 
Just either tell them that you're seeing someone exclusively or stop chatting with them. Not really that hard. It's people that you are chatting with online that you don't really know. No reason to sweat too much. It's common for people on both sides to ghost as different situations come up.

matched with this chick, made up a poem about one of her pictures, she replies with the "hahahahaha" *heart emoji* and then I asked for her number.

I set my phone down and am continuing on with whatever I was doing. feels nice to not worry about if I'll actually get a reply or not because I can just go text somebody else in the meantime.

now that i think about it, lol, that was probably a bad move on my part to do so quickly.
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No, not really, women make up their minds pretty fast if they find you attractive/interesting and if they will date you or not, mostly based on your profile picture and initial message. No reason to have long texting/chatting "conversations". If you need to convince someone on a dating site to go out with you, they will probably be a waste of time.
 
dskillzhtown said:
It's definitely not for everyone. I use online dating sites/apps, but not as my primary way of meeting people. It seems like such a game when it should be really natural. The last few women I have met online have been really great at the online part, but really poor in communication face to face. But that is just my experience. I know others have had more success.
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Let's say I wanted to not do online, what are my options? I've ended my stint on OkCupid because none of the girls on there interested me, and the ones that do won't reply to me. Most of my friends seem super closed off into their groups and unwilling to meet new people. Attempt to go to bars often end in going to the dead local, where the only inhabitants are 50 something drunks.

It's been 11 months since my last relationship was over, I've dated three women unsuccessfully with no signs of a fourth coming up. I very rarely go out so the chances of meeting somebody are slim. I feel like there's something intrinsically wrong with me, and my self-esteem is at an all time low. How can I think about meeting someone when I'm so unhappy with myself? I think that's a problem really, I want to meet someone but if she was even a little bit what I was looking for I'd be horribly depressed when she left.

I failed my driving test for the second time the other day and I can't stop thinking about it as a harbinger of how useless I am. I have a decent job, decent paying and I think a respectable thing to do, but it consumes a lot of my spare time. People tell me to be happy with that, that I have a good job, but if there's nothing outside of that, what's the point?

And obviously low feelings of self-worth and esteem are not attractive, and if I don't enjoy my own company, who else will? It's weird, for a LOT of my 5.5 year relationship I spent a lot of it wishing I was on my own, and over the last year I've spent a LOT of time wishing I was with someone. What can I do to be happy on my own, and content?

This has very little to do with Dating OT but I didn't want to create a self-pitying thread...
 
peanutbutterlatte said:
.
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You need to get out more, and meet new people in general. Make new friends... but keep the old
one's sliver and the other's gold
. If you don't want to do online dating, you have to go out into social situations and talk up people. Don't even start with women you find attractive that you wanna date, just talk to anyone you find interesting. This does mean you probably have to go out alone at first though, since your friends aren't fun :p Also a drink or two in your system might help.

But yeah, basically if you don't wanna do online dating, you're gonna have to find them in the real world somewhere.
 
Yeah, get better friends. Find ways to be happy with yourself, because the current situation is not attractive to anyone.

Get a driving instructor, maybe? My ex got one and he whipped her into shape, driving wise.
 
gwailo said:
Just either tell them that you're seeing someone exclusively or stop chatting with them. Not really that hard. It's people that you are chatting with online that you don't really know. No reason to sweat too much. It's common for people on both sides to ghost as different situations come up.
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Problem is i have been on dates with all of them. They are actual people.
 
ZackieChan said:
Is going out for a walk something you fear? If so, I suggest therapy before dating.
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Not at all, but I think just enjoying and being comfortable in my own company is something to work on. Like, if I've not got anything planned for a Saturday night and I'm just sitting in cooking and reading a book, I feel like I've failed.
 
I've more or less given up, I think. I don't think with my lifestyle, there are many guys willing to put in the time and effort for me when there are a lot easier options out there. And I am just too old to deal with the stupid drama and blame games anymore.

Oh well, today is a range day so I'm happy all the same :D
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Ceallach said:
I've more or less given up, I think. I don't think with my lifestyle, there are many guys willing to put in the time and effort for me when there are a lot easier options out there. And I am just too old to deal with the stupid drama and blame games anymore.

Oh well, today is a range day so I'm happy all the same :D
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hi :)

Too old as in like 23ish? lol

You should definitely keep trying, you're an attractive lady, and there are, for certain, men out there willing to put in some time and effort. You seem young anyway? What would giving up mean, wait a couple years?
 
I'd have guessed 20ish as well >_> What's wrong with your lifestyle then that requires too much time and effort? Am I missing something here?
 
Llyranor said:
So tell them you're going exclusive with someone else. Be succinct and honest. They'll understand and would do the same too. If they freak out, you're just dodging a bullet anyway.
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i figured this would be the best bet. Im fine with this.

Ceallach.
Do you have any photographer friends? Getting a decent headshotty candid shot and then some more pics of your hobbies might work better for the initial pull. You probably have a lot of hobbies, seeing you are on neogaf that are attractive to a certain people. Getting that initial date is the key. Once you have that if you are always busy its easier to get them to stay along after they have met you once.
 
Bufbaf said:
I'd have guessed 20ish as well >_> What's wrong with your lifestyle then that requires too much time and effort? Am I missing something here?
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Active duty military+single mom.
The problem is going on deployment for 9+ months and having them stay faithful.

Candids
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I can't do online or long distance and my hobbies are games(obv), Gundam, and Muay Thai.
 
Ceallach said:
Active duty military+single mom.
The problem is going on deployment for 9+ months and having them stay faithful.

I can't do online or long distance and my hobbies are games(obv), Gundam, and Muay Thai.
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Ah, that makes sense then - 9+ months deployment together with "no long distance or online" seems like it might prove difficult.
 
peanutbutterlatte said:
Aren't there like-minded military men who also are concerned about infidelity?
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Dual military is a nightmare.

If things workout, they adjust your sea/shore rotation so that you won't deploy at the same time. Which is great if you have kids, but terrible in terms of actually seeing each other.

Plus the military is why I can't do long distance or online, as there will come days or weeks where we have total communication silence, this has always led to problems for me.
 
Ceallach said:
Dual military is a nightmare.

If things workout, they adjust your sea/shore rotation so that you won't deploy at the same time. Which is great if you have kids, but terrible in terms of actually seeing each other.

Plus the military is why I can't do long distance or online, as there will come days or weeks where we have total communication silence, this has always led to problems for me.
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If my eyesight wasn't so terrible I would join the military, probably the Navy. I'm in the mood for a big life change right now.
 
Man I really miss posting in here and reading everyone's stories. My dating situation's been fluctuating between uneventful and crappy tho 😩. I briefly mentioned in here about a month or two ago that I was mildly interested in a friend, but she had also just gotten out of a breakup and that because of the timing, asking her out would feel really douchey. Enough time has passed now that I don't think it'd be weird anymore, plus we've gotten to know each other better. Unfortunately probably a bit too much, we've had really long conversations about our respective relationship problems and future prospects because we do consider each other really good friends.

Either way though, no harm in asking her out to lunch and a movie or something. Not gonna drop an "I like you" bomb or some shit like that, just a casual date. We're also gonna party together with a small group of friends on Friday so that'll be fun.

Royal_Phalanx said:
Found girl on OkCupid who likes video games, Netflix and sex. Dream girl right here? :P
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Why does every girl on tinder list Netflix as an interest, it's so weird
 
Cool Guy Sami said:
Man I really miss posting in here and reading everyone's stories. My dating situation's been fluctuating between uneventful and crappy tho 😩. I briefly mentioned in here about a month or two ago that I was mildly interested in a friend, but she had also just gotten out of a breakup and that because of the timing, asking her out would feel really douchey. Enough time has passed now that I don't think it'd be weird anymore, plus we've gotten to know each other better. Unfortunately probably a bit too much, we've had really long conversations about our respective relationship problems and future prospects because we do consider each other really good friends.

Either way though, no harm in asking her out to lunch and a movie or something. Not gonna drop an "I like you" bomb or some shit like that, just a casual date. We're also gonna party together with a small group of friends on Friday so that'll be fun.



Why does every girl on tinder list Netflix as an interest, it's so weird
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Because we don't actually mean netflix...
 
Krauser Kat said:
texting games are the worst. If they dont feel like talking to me because i dont have the time to put in crazy amounts of effort into a text, then im probably not for them. The only thing i kind of do, if im bored at work the conversation is kind of new, i will draw a portrait on a postit note and send it to them. Got to put my art skills to the test. Usually if they like it, i say i can give it to them when we meet for coffee and then make plans for coffee. Worked... like 5 times already lol.

I already have (checks google chat) i already have 10 girls that i check up with every day and have small conversations with and thats not counting the girls i just talk to on OkC and Tinder/Bumble chat... what the fuck am i doing. sigh.

Tonight should be fun, i havent made chowder in ages
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Chicks love quick drawings of them if they are good like yours. Really any drawing that relates to them and can be as simple as their name all calligraphic and fancy. They like that you thought of them and combined it with a neat skill.

Just don't be like Napoleon Dynamite unless she knows drawing isn't your thing and that y'all can share a laugh. Still risky, though.
latest
 
Cool Guy Sami said:
Fair enough I guess lol. Just gets kinda tiresome reading "I like dogs, nature, and Netflix" on like every single profile. ��
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At least they write something. I've seen girls who write nothing in their profile and expect to get messaged just because they look pretty in their selfies. It's even worse if they have duckface selfies. That just screams 'shallow' to me.
 
Royal_Phalanx said:
At least they write something. I've seen girls who write nothing in their profile and expect to get messaged just because they look pretty in their selfies. It's even worse if they have duckface selfies. That just screams 'shallow' to me.
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Ain't nothin wrong with duck faces, they're funny 😤

But nah I don't even bother sending a message if there's no About Me. My favorite one so far (and I actually got a date with this girl which was fun) was straight up "buy me sushi". I thought that was really funny.
 
Ceallach said:
Dual military is a nightmare.

If things workout, they adjust your sea/shore rotation so that you won't deploy at the same time. Which is great if you have kids, but terrible in terms of actually seeing each other.

Plus the military is why I can't do long distance or online, as there will come days or weeks where we have total communication silence, this has always led to problems for me.
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I have similar problems with long term relationships as a full time traveling nomad. Really don't want to give up my lifestyle for someone, and few can join me in the same type of life.

If you're looking for a bf that doesn't care if you go silent for a while but definitely will not be faithful, pm me. Haha
 
Royal_Phalanx said:
At least they write something. I've seen girls who write nothing in their profile and expect to get messaged just because they look pretty in their selfies. It's even worse if they have duckface selfies. That just screams 'shallow' to me.
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Depends on the app/website. Tinder is different, it's 100 percent about pictures. I don't think anyone reads profiles. I have a little blurb about me in mine, that's it. Something like OKCupid is different. The problem with the profiles of the girls I've seen is that they're all so boring and samey. Almost every girl is "laid back and enjoys hanging out with friends", they "like to go out but also enjoy spending a night at home". It's kind of crazy, honestly. I've gotten good feedback on my profile though, I think it helps a lot to stand out a little.
 
Ceallach said:
I've more or less given up, I think. I don't think with my lifestyle, there are many guys willing to put in the time and effort for me when there are a lot easier options out there. And I am just too old to deal with the stupid drama and blame games anymore.[/IMG]
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I'm 32, and I was notified that I'd be going to Afghanistan while on my honeymoon. My ex-wife then moved to Ohio and spent a happy year there, before I was short-notice PCS'd to Florida. She had to finish school, so we spent time apart. While in Florida, I worked 12 to 16 hour shifts, alternating between days and nights every two weeks. (None of this is as hard as sea duty, by the way; I'm adding context.) She found a job in Missouri; I moved to D.C. to prosecute terrorists.

I don't know you at all, but I know the lifestyle and how "dependent-centric" it is. The military's complete shit at providing options for families that include civilian spouses that want to work. Anyway, I'm guessing that you have anywhere from 9 to 13 years in. I'm going to be blunt: it's hard to have a relationship while you're moving around so much. Have you thought about looking at other components? Or using those GI Bill to launder the years you've got, since only the top 3 years matter at 20? Just food for thought.

At the very least, I feel your struggle. But I'm much happier now as an activated reservist.
 
Cool Guy Sami said:
Fair enough I guess lol. Just gets kinda tiresome reading "I like dogs, nature, and Netflix" on like every single profile. 😂
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When I was doing online dating, the one thing I saw on so many profiles was "I like all music except country and rap". It's just basically the phrase du jour of people that really have no personality trying to act like they're unique and special and worth it for you to pursue... no thanks.

I think a lot of women basically copy pasta the same profile because, like was said earlier, they really don't have to put any effort in the profile to have guys message them and also I think a lot of them are scared of putting too much personal info online because of potential creeps/stalkers.
 
*Sigh* my atrocious luck in dating continues.



Three months dating this girl, touch zone no problem but she never really showed much affection to me. I go on vacation and she's all " I miss you a lot" and" I really like you".with hearts and all that shit. Even going or giggly when I good morning'd her

Arrived at her home and asked her where we stood and now its, "I'm not really looking for a relationship, I don't feel like I would make a good partner.and for now I only see you as a friend"

I responded by saying I wanted to be her friend but also something more than that but I respected her decision and left , all cool.

So, what now? I was really getting into her and we both seemed to really enjoy each other's company for heck I even made real sure she knew it was 'Dates' we were going on.

Should I tell her it's best we stopped contacting each other since I only want to be romantically involved with her? Or just stop all contact now?
 
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