I've only told one chick. She's a regular hook up, actually the one I'm seeing tomorrow. Everything else is so casual that it's really none of their business tbh. Unless I'm taking someone seriously I don't see why it would come up.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
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I've only told one chick. She's a regular hook up, actually the one I'm seeing tomorrow. Everything else is so casual that it's really none of their business tbh. Unless I'm taking someone seriously I don't see why it would come up.
First day in a new city, I was playing with tinder during a short train ride and got 10 matches within a matter of minutes D: that might not seem to be much of a big deal to some of you, but the last place I lived, I would be lucky to even see 10 profiles over the course of a few days .
...I think I'm going to like it here.
...I think I'm going to like it here.
ZackieChan
Member
Yeah, I honestly don't know how people get by without being in a city. Where are you, btw?
Tantan in Jersey ain't a thing?
Boy, my friends did their research alright. Holy fuck, blowjobs are amazing. Is it normal though for your dick head to be extra sensitive during the first few times, felt I was undergoing a mini seizure. She even told me it was best to cut it short lest I came too quickly lol. I wanked before leaving but I'm happy to say I didn't come prematurely when we got down to regular sex.
Still need help with this though.
That doesn't sound unreasonable. Also, I think we have different definitions of virginity.
Be direct. When you start being clear on the fact that you yourself are starting to look at your time together as dates, you'll probably find out real fast if she sees this as strictly platonic or something more.
I meant dick head. It wasn't clear in my original post but we had regular sex too.
Okay. Nevermind then. ─‿‿─
ZackieChan
Member
Not really.
Ugh, so long story short I went on date with a really cool chick a few days ago. We went bowling, had a good time and she ended up telling me that she wasn't really looking for anything serious and that she really liked sex. So one thing leads to another and I stay over her place that night. We had a really good time and I was making her laugh a lot and it was just fun. Morning rolls around and we get coffee and breakfast sandwiches and I drop her off at the train station because she had work.
Later on she asks me how my day was going and if I had any new years plans, I said that I probably didn't and she said that I could come over her place again if I felt like it. I said that I could be interested, but then later she said that she wasn't gonna be up for long and was probably going to sleep soon so I said that we should hang soon instead. Fast forward to yesterday and I text her asking her if she was free today. She says that most likely an that she'll let me know. Today I wake up to a text saying that she got zero sleep the night before so she has to cancel. No biggie, I write back, "No worries, just let me know when if you want to chill soon." She writes back "Sounds good!". Then a couple hours later she writes me saying she had a lot of fun with me but she just wasn't feeling it anymore and that she has to bow out.
I'm not that bummed about it but it was kind of random considering we both had a really good time. I know there's not much info to go on but can anyone guess what may have happened here?
Later on she asks me how my day was going and if I had any new years plans, I said that I probably didn't and she said that I could come over her place again if I felt like it. I said that I could be interested, but then later she said that she wasn't gonna be up for long and was probably going to sleep soon so I said that we should hang soon instead. Fast forward to yesterday and I text her asking her if she was free today. She says that most likely an that she'll let me know. Today I wake up to a text saying that she got zero sleep the night before so she has to cancel. No biggie, I write back, "No worries, just let me know when if you want to chill soon." She writes back "Sounds good!". Then a couple hours later she writes me saying she had a lot of fun with me but she just wasn't feeling it anymore and that she has to bow out.
I'm not that bummed about it but it was kind of random considering we both had a really good time. I know there's not much info to go on but can anyone guess what may have happened here?
She migh be at a point in her life where she is emotionally unavailable or simply lacks consistancy in her life, which even reflects in how she treats dating. Or she's just really casual about it, and this was mostly a sex thing to her. She might just not feel like hanging out with anyone, or maybe she decided to spend nye with friends and/or family. Or you have a casual fwb's potential here.
Yeah I think it kind of was going to be a casual fwb situation regardless as she told me she was too busy for a relationship, maybe I came on too strong? Something makes me think she met another guy though, because we did meet through online dating. She told me she didn't care if I saw other women and whatnot so it makes me think she had another date lined up. Could be wrong of course.
Heading up to Orange County for who'd I could consider my "main" here in a minute. She doesn't have a tv with an hdmi connection so I had to buy a composite cable for the 360 I'm bringing. So tonight will be some awesome Netflix and chillin.
Oh shit, almost forgot to post about last night!
So I meet this chick and she's cool and cute. She used to work as a waitress and moved recently like me. Anyway, she tells me that she hears voices and shit. I'm like... Wtf? So we make out on her bed and I bounce. She wants a second date and honestly I'll probably see her until we finally have sex and see how she is in bed.
Oh shit, almost forgot to post about last night!
So I meet this chick and she's cool and cute. She used to work as a waitress and moved recently like me. Anyway, she tells me that she hears voices and shit. I'm like... Wtf? So we make out on her bed and I bounce. She wants a second date and honestly I'll probably see her until we finally have sex and see how she is in bed.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
I've started dating a really shy girl recently but the problem is she never ever initiates anything. I often always text first and have to plan everything.
At first I though she just wasn't that into me, but she's always responsive to reply to every text and always agrees to every date,so that's not the problem. I asked her why she never texts and she said she's just not a big texter. I understand that but surly she could at least try sometime.
What say you GAF, am I making a big deal out of this? I mean I don't mind initationg but don't want to seem needy. Anyone faced a similar situation like this?
At first I though she just wasn't that into me, but she's always responsive to reply to every text and always agrees to every date,so that's not the problem. I asked her why she never texts and she said she's just not a big texter. I understand that but surly she could at least try sometime.
What say you GAF, am I making a big deal out of this? I mean I don't mind initationg but don't want to seem needy. Anyone faced a similar situation like this?
Ceallach
Smells like fresh rosebuds
It's not a big deal. She is probably shy or nervous or overthinking. I know I have this problem where I worry about bugging someone or like I don't want to seem needy or wanty.
PhantomZone
Member
I was seeing someone for most of last year, our relationship grew stronger every day and we were pretty much borderline joined at the hip most of the time. The only time we would be apart was when we were working, if there was a time outside of work that we were apart physically... we'd still be in constant contact over the phone.
Before her I had closed myself off, didn't really allow anyone "in" my world, had a pretty big "wall" barrier surrounding my heart. She not only broke down those walls but showed me a different side to love that I have never experienced before and I gradually fell deeply in love with her, to the point where I was 10000000000% sure that she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with.
Towards the end of November and early December her personality seemed to change, she was the one that became more distant (time of the month, coupled up with missing her family that live in another state AND our work schedules increasing over Christmas which meant our time together decreased to rarely seeing each other in person, fewer phone calls and shorter text messages).
She eventually drops a bombshell on me that she had become distant with me because she got involved with someone else which she realizes was a mistake (the person supposedly sweet talked her while she was having a down moment, one thing led to another and bam).
I don't know if this would have been a one time thing or if she would have dumped me and run off with the guy. What happened (which made her feel worse and I'm guessing is why she felt extra guilty) was that the guy played her and effectively told her to get lost(and then made a move on one of her friends at work.
A normal guy would tell her to get lost, I didn't want to let go and said I would still be with her if given the chance to be. She had other ideas and said while she still loved me.... she can't be with me after what she had done.
I have been in a weird place ever since and it's almost been a month now. We have not spoken to each other for a few weeks. Fairly sure she is distancing herself on purpose so she can lose the attachment we had with each other.
I let her break down my walls and it was all for nothing. It's hard now, and I know time might heal wounds.... but I honestly don't see myself trusting another person in that way ever again.
The thing that stings is that we never had a proper goodbye, I mean I know how can you say goodbye forever in that kind of situation. The kind of discussions we had in the past (how we'd always be friends forever even if not in a relationship) seem meaningless now.
I want to write and post a letter to her (e-mails and hand written letters were another way we communicated and shared romance). I want to tell her how this has made me feel. But most people I know have told me not to bother, just move on. But they have always had the opinion that she was just using me and would dump me when she was done wiht me.
I just need some kind of closure and I think writing a letter is THE way to do it. Whether I write it and send it to her (she may or may not bother to read it) or write it and keep it for myself is another question.
Before her I had closed myself off, didn't really allow anyone "in" my world, had a pretty big "wall" barrier surrounding my heart. She not only broke down those walls but showed me a different side to love that I have never experienced before and I gradually fell deeply in love with her, to the point where I was 10000000000% sure that she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with.
Towards the end of November and early December her personality seemed to change, she was the one that became more distant (time of the month, coupled up with missing her family that live in another state AND our work schedules increasing over Christmas which meant our time together decreased to rarely seeing each other in person, fewer phone calls and shorter text messages).
She eventually drops a bombshell on me that she had become distant with me because she got involved with someone else which she realizes was a mistake (the person supposedly sweet talked her while she was having a down moment, one thing led to another and bam).
I don't know if this would have been a one time thing or if she would have dumped me and run off with the guy. What happened (which made her feel worse and I'm guessing is why she felt extra guilty) was that the guy played her and effectively told her to get lost(and then made a move on one of her friends at work.
A normal guy would tell her to get lost, I didn't want to let go and said I would still be with her if given the chance to be. She had other ideas and said while she still loved me.... she can't be with me after what she had done.
I have been in a weird place ever since and it's almost been a month now. We have not spoken to each other for a few weeks. Fairly sure she is distancing herself on purpose so she can lose the attachment we had with each other.
I let her break down my walls and it was all for nothing. It's hard now, and I know time might heal wounds.... but I honestly don't see myself trusting another person in that way ever again.
The thing that stings is that we never had a proper goodbye, I mean I know how can you say goodbye forever in that kind of situation. The kind of discussions we had in the past (how we'd always be friends forever even if not in a relationship) seem meaningless now.
I want to write and post a letter to her (e-mails and hand written letters were another way we communicated and shared romance). I want to tell her how this has made me feel. But most people I know have told me not to bother, just move on. But they have always had the opinion that she was just using me and would dump me when she was done wiht me.
I just need some kind of closure and I think writing a letter is THE way to do it. Whether I write it and send it to her (she may or may not bother to read it) or write it and keep it for myself is another question.
Ceallach
Smells like fresh rosebuds
So I think my resolution to stop dating is actually getting me out more. Like I have no desire for a relationship now, so I hooked up with a guy on NYE and now I am going out with a different guy tomorrow night.
But then again the little monster is coming back from her grandparents this week and that will probably keep me from going out. I don't want her to see me with a string of guys.
But then again the little monster is coming back from her grandparents this week and that will probably keep me from going out. I don't want her to see me with a string of guys.
RedVladimir
Banned
I gave you an anecdotal example not to prove that 4 months isn't needed to recover from a break up or to imply that 4 months is enough, but rather, to show that whatever the length of time needed is directly proportional to the value of the right person, at the right time. No one needs 6 months to heal from a simple breakup. That's just not true. The best way to move from from lost or painful love, is to stumble upon new love. This implies that if OP was the right guy, at the right place, no matter at what stage this girl was in her post-breakup process, she would fall in love with him. Indeed, she would not have a choice in the matter. But that wasn't the case, and this relationship is, and shall remain, purely sexual until she decides or OP becomes That Guy™.
Didn't think I'd have to spell out the implication from my previous post, but there it is.
Not sure I follow... setting aside the fact you didn't justify why she gave OP the response she did--why are you then counter-arguing generalities in a reply for advice for this isolated problem?
RedVladimir
Banned
Well sure, you can indeed make things weird by initiating physical contact with friend you have zero desire. But that's now what I'm arguing now, is it? I'm arguing when you make physical contact on a "friend" you do have (hidden) interest in. My posts have been an examination of the process of how two people (especially the guy) even get to that place, because it's certainly not spontaneous.
Lol it's like you're writing this for me:
Why not, I ask? Because you indeed don't want anything, ever? Or because you don't want anything outside the context of the (supposedly platonic) relationship that this is? And of course, the kind of relationship that this is determined by the person that initiated the approach (assuming that was the case). You.
You are not friends before knowing people. My points were meant to ask why would you not initially approach someone who you find attractive, with a romantic intent? Why do you befriend someone you clearly like?
That line here was me asking you, why did you befriend her in the first place if you found her sexually attractive? This scenario presupposes that you are reciprocating because that's the case.
No it isn't. Being sexually attracted to someone means you both imagine and would like to have relations with them. Both physical (sex) and emotional (connection/intimacy). This does NOT mean girlfriend. This means dating, which, as of late I have found most of you guys equate them to monogamous relationship. Dating=non-exclusive. Relationship/GF=exclusive. That you think the natural progression is to make her automatically exclusive, is the reason we have this very thread: men truly don't know how women operate the dating market. Sex and the City is surprisingly non-fictional.
Well, you said this:
"Doesn't mean I'm gonna go on dates with her and try to make her my girlfriend. Why the fuck would I do that? If I didn't try that shit from the jump..."
I was addressing why you wouldn't make a new acquaintance (you know, a potential friend) romantic interest. Because showing romantic interest from the jump is scary; you could get rejected. You'd rather initiate a platonic relationship while liking her in the hopes you find your chance. And when I say you, I'm not talking you personally.
You ought to be confused, because I never defined attractiveness in any of my posts...
Knowing someone is conventionally attractive=/=attracted to them. Your ability to appreciate her conventional beauty and not feel physical and then emotional reaction, is what makes the relationship platonic.
However, when you have a girl that is conventionally attractive that you do find sexually attractive, that causes the issue. Because like I said, following sexual attraction is emotion. If left unchecked, feelings will develop. Not only are you appreciating her physical assets, but you then start envisioning sharing your life with her (you fall in love). If this happen under the platonic pretense, then you are in one hell of a (not good) ride. And so is she, to be honest.
Well, this is what you initially said:
"If a girl I got along with wanted to kiss me (and I thought she was physically attractive) I would reciprocate..."
You are "friends" with a girl you are sexually attracted to. Which implies you approached her or she approached you in cordial, strictly platonic manner. If it was the former, then you were being disingenuous as you did not approach her with your true intent; you didn't do this because telling a girl you find sexually attractive you'd like to take her out (romantic interest) from the get go kills the chances of ever befriending her, a relationship that is the next best "safe" thing. Your willingness, then, to reciprocate sexual advances from a girl you've considered a platonic friend all along is as unnatural as it is baffling.
Then there's the fact about what I said about physical attraction leading to emotional reaction. You can't have feelings for someone you are not attracted to. So, if you are physically attracted, then that will invariably lead to emotional reaction. This reaction, whoever, is not always overt. When you befriend a girl you find sexually attractive, you are simply mixing the ingredients for a latent emotional response, one that will remain dormant until the woman makes the move. That is why guys fall in love with their best female friends when, say, in a confused moment of emotions these girls kiss them--often in no way representative of their true feelings--guys take this eye-opening opportunity to finally make the move they didn't make in the first place. Sometimes she doesn't have to make the move; sometimes is the guy seeing her going through her post-"Asshole" breakup, to finally say "This is my chance!". And if having made that move in the first place would have meant you wouldn't be fake friends (in the event she rejected you, which, ironically, happens less often than guys think), then people will understand each others' expectations better.
This, however, doesn't apply to people that are attractive but that you don't find so. So we don't completely disagree.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Matched with a girl Saturday night, gave her my number, she posted a pic of herself in her car. Asked her what she was doing. She was going out with friends and I said I wish could be there. She said well why not? I said I'll be there.
Met her and her friends at a bar. We talked for a bit, walked to another bar. Kinda loud and crowded. I try and stay around her. She walks say from time to time with her GF. I hang out with her male friends.
She comes up to me and takes me outside, holding my arm. I purposely slip my hand down to hers and were holding hands.
She said she sorry and doesnt want me to think she's ignoring me, but says she isn't. She's hugging me. She tells me she just broke up with her boyfriend, and the night was the first night in a long time she's been out. I told her I'm cool with it and enjoy your time.
I eventually have to leave. I tell her to come outside wit me. I tell her I'm leaving, because Ieft my car at the other bar, and i don't want it to get towed. She apologizes again, and says we have to get together alone next time. I tell her I'm off Monday's and Friday's. She said Monday night is fine. Her profile says she likes wine, and I tell her well meet up and get some wine and maybe a bite to eat. I told her I'll contact her Monday to find a place to meet up. She hugs me again, and were both holding both each other's hands.
And that was that. She actually just texted me while writing this, saying thanks for coming out, and how I'm a sweetheart.
She's not as pretty as the last girl, and she's 25, has green coloring in her naturally black hair, but whatever. She does crossfit, and loves ghostbusters. I'll just roll with it and see where it goes.
And you know what? I feel a lot better, and I don't feel sad.
Met her and her friends at a bar. We talked for a bit, walked to another bar. Kinda loud and crowded. I try and stay around her. She walks say from time to time with her GF. I hang out with her male friends.
She comes up to me and takes me outside, holding my arm. I purposely slip my hand down to hers and were holding hands.
She said she sorry and doesnt want me to think she's ignoring me, but says she isn't. She's hugging me. She tells me she just broke up with her boyfriend, and the night was the first night in a long time she's been out. I told her I'm cool with it and enjoy your time.
I eventually have to leave. I tell her to come outside wit me. I tell her I'm leaving, because Ieft my car at the other bar, and i don't want it to get towed. She apologizes again, and says we have to get together alone next time. I tell her I'm off Monday's and Friday's. She said Monday night is fine. Her profile says she likes wine, and I tell her well meet up and get some wine and maybe a bite to eat. I told her I'll contact her Monday to find a place to meet up. She hugs me again, and were both holding both each other's hands.
And that was that. She actually just texted me while writing this, saying thanks for coming out, and how I'm a sweetheart.
She's not as pretty as the last girl, and she's 25, has green coloring in her naturally black hair, but whatever. She does crossfit, and loves ghostbusters. I'll just roll with it and see where it goes.
And you know what? I feel a lot better, and I don't feel sad.
davidwhangchoi
Member
perfect girl
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Holy shit. I went nuts over this with the last girl. It's weird seing this happen to someone else.
I can't believe you asked her that. I was told not to, and I didn't.
Advice? Don't get clingy with the over texting like I did.
Does the cringe ever stop with you? Holy fuck, a first meetup with the girl and you basically invited yourself to the bar and "purposely" slid your hand down her arm to hold hands with her? You're already coming off as way too needy with this chick and you've only met her once, with HER FRIENDS there!
I'm counter-arguing with generalities because you state every piece of advice you give as fact? You even did so in this post. I'm sorry, but people are different. Sometimes people need to heal from events they find traumatic/sad. I mean, that's how us, as emotional beings work. Different people do different things, there's no one size fits all solution. That's what I'm arguing here. I'm not talking about Jason's situation, I'm talking about how generally people need time to heal. I'm not sure how much more clear I can make that.
It's wonderful that your friend didn't need as much time to heal. Others do. I know it took me about 10 months to heal after a break-up with my ex of seven plus years. Or are you telling me I'm lying to myself, that that just isn't possible? There's others in this thread and the other dating thread that I've seen that have taken a year, and *have* tried dating in the interim, but they felt is if they're not ready... are they just lying to themselves too?
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Took me waaaay longer than 4 months to recover, and I havent yet stopped occasionally missing somebody I spent 5 years of my life with.
Why are you being so hostile? Nothing he wrote was "cringe."
If she didn't want him there she wouldn't have invited him.
Miles Quaritch
Member
What's wrong with holding hands? She held his arm, he took it a step further to see if she'd be comfortable holding his hand and she was.
Holding hands is a good way of seeing how comfortable someone is around you, you don't just hold hands with anybody and the idea that it's somehow needy is laughable.
RedVladimir
Banned
You probably did come on too strong, maybe a little too soo. Maybe you are putting a little too much pressure on her. I would maybe dial it down and keep it casual. Taking her out and having fun is not particularly especial; it's not what you do, but how you make her feel. For her to decide to make this a monogamous relationship she has to find something in you she's not finding in other guys she's dating. Which leads me to this:
She is dating other guys. You should be dating other girls too. Again, guys are not playing this dating game the way women are playing it, hence the confusion. You should have more than one option right now. Now I understand if you've happened to fall for this girl, I don't fault you for this, but I do criticize if you fell for her if she was you first and only option. The best dating strategy to secure a long lasting partner is to date multiple people, not necessarily but potentially at the same time, until you find the right one. You shouldn't go all in on your very first hand, if you catch my drift.
If she's telling you to date other girls, she's just not that into you. Not enough to make it exclusive. You can either continue to reap the benefits (mostly physical), but you may not get that connection until she changes her mind or you becomes the guy that incite that in her.
Ah, the sacrifices we must make!
Tread carefully!
Shy does not mean uninterested, however, indifference is the kiss of death. Be mindful and temper expectations a little. To be honest, there's no way to be sure but to take her out, create a connection, and make the move. That's really the only way to find out. I know shy girls that text very little, but always initiate. Usually this is to incite a response from you. Your over texting validates their investment.
You must make the move, but you must not make the move half way, as if half-expecting for her to complete it. There's nothing needy about being decisive and clear with your intentions. In other words, don't ask her why she doesn't text, but rather take her out and make a move yourself. The answer to her texting (or lack thereof) is all a subconscious problem of yours to know whether she truly likes you or not; when the ultimate answer to that question can be obtained after an action from your part. Action which she may very well be expecting!
RedVladimir
Banned
So let me get this straight. I made a generalization, in part supported by anecdotal evidence, which did nothing but support Jokab's isolated case at hand (as demonstrated by his own admission). Your counter-argument to this is to NOT use generalizations and to not use anecdotal evidence, all while making a generalization yourself supported by your anecdotal evidence (a generalization that doesn't even support the case that originated the rebuttal in the first place)? Well I'll be damned.
And yes, people are different. I even conceded, in my previous post, that I understand if it takes time to open up to the RIGHT person. But falling in love with someone else does not require for you to completely heal your break up wounds. You do NOT have a choice in the matter. Your sadness from a breakup and new love are not mutually exclusive things.
She did NOT heal, are you not reading what I'm saying? She fell in love with another guy. That is something you can't control.
Never said anything about lying to yourself. You are now putting words in my mouth. What I said is a lie is that healing the wounds needs to take place before falling in love with someone.
And that's all well and good if it took 10 months to heal, you are probably a better person for it. But what I'm saying is that the time it may have taken for you to heal from the break up is irrelevant from the time it would take you to fall for someone else. Like I said in my previous posts, everyone loves to celebrate the power and especially the irrationality of love, but only when it suits them. IF you had found someone special before those 10 months, do you think you would not have taken the chance? Love has the most powerful effect in taking us out of our darkest moments. Even in sadness we can love again; in fact, new love does nothing but speed up that process.
So now that we are done with generalities, how does the aforementioned apply to Jokab's situation? Well, if she had fallen for him, you know, a required ingredient in a monogamous relationship, then she would have made this relationship exclusive already. But that is not the case. And it's not because she may still be hurt about the break up (a proposition that in this case is dubious at best, as she seems very willing to have repeated non-committed sex), but because Jokab didn't evoke those emotions in her.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Good point. I won't sweat it if she doesn't want to see me again.
When she wanted to talk to me outside, she grabbed my arm and took the lead outside in front of me. All I did I was slipped my hand down to hers while she took me outside, and she reciprocated by holding my hand.
There's nothing cringe worthy about that, lol.
Edit-and looking back at my text, I didn't say I wish I was there. I said would've been great to be there with you. Either way, its stupid bickering about it.
When a girl says she wants a serious relationship with you but not now is a red flag?
I've been seeing this girl for three months now, the subject of serious relationship came up yesterday and she asked if I would have anything serious with her, I said yes and asked if she would too, she said let's take things slow, I want it but not now.
What do you think?
I've been seeing this girl for three months now, the subject of serious relationship came up yesterday and she asked if I would have anything serious with her, I said yes and asked if she would too, she said let's take things slow, I want it but not now.
What do you think?
Interface23
Member
So the I asked the girl I have a date with Friday to come to the brewing company with me and my boys last night completely forgetting she works super early mornings at the airport and she was just like "can't, gotta be up at 3" so that sucked.
But then my boy stole my phone and texted her later in the night with "Yo babe, I can't wait for our date on Friday. I'm bout to show you how much of a man I am"
So all she said to that was " Me too ❤️. Oh yea? We'll see 😘"
On a scale from one to fucked, how ruined am I. And if so can I talk my way out of it
But then my boy stole my phone and texted her later in the night with "Yo babe, I can't wait for our date on Friday. I'm bout to show you how much of a man I am"
So all she said to that was " Me too ❤️. Oh yea? We'll see 😘"
On a scale from one to fucked, how ruined am I. And if so can I talk my way out of it
ZackieChan
Member
By "fucked," do you mean "had sex with"? Because your buddy probably did you a favor.
RedVladimir
Banned
Usually, yes.
Well, if she asked first then that means you are doing something right. I personally think she really likes you, but the loss of "freedom" may be a little daunting. As to why, it depends on the person.
My opinion is she asked to see where you stood, and now she knows. She knows you like her enough to make her exclusive, so the actual offer may not have been what she wanted. You know, it's like getting what you wanted after wanting it for so long doesn't feel the same once you get it. She still likes you, but doesn't want to make anything official until she's 100% sure. Which she should, to be honest.
Also, when you say serious relationship, all you are saying is "monogamous" relationship. In theory, there's very little difference between FWB situation and relationship, if you think about it. What would that mean, once it's serious you go out more? You buy expensive things to each other? You have anniversaries? You take her to your parents? All of these things, while nice, do not really change the core dynamic of what you have now (from what I can tell anyway).
What I'm saying with this is, don't worry. Take it one step at a time. You are not gaining nor losing from this.
Looks like your buddy and her would be a great match! (Just kiddin')
Seriously though, she responded with a heart and kiss face to that? You are IN dude!
Don't say a thing now. Maybe bring it up during the date, but only if she asks. She responded positively, own it and act confidently.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Interface got that wingman prowess...
Joel Was Right
Member
At first, I thought I understood it:
Then I thought, maybe it isn't about where you are, or where you're going, but that you must embody a sense of constant passions and drive. I understand why these are attractive traits to have in a person, but apparently there are some women who want the perpetual pursuit of a goal in a partner.
- Be financial independent;
- If you are financially independent, then why aren't you earning more?
- Pursue a career rather than settle for a job. How are you progressing?
- If you have a career, where do you see yourself within the next few years within that?
Then I thought, maybe it isn't about where you are, or where you're going, but that you must embody a sense of constant passions and drive. I understand why these are attractive traits to have in a person, but apparently there are some women who want the perpetual pursuit of a goal in a partner.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Then you don't have confidence because the idea of someone being out of your league is firmly rooted in a lack of confidence and how you view yourself.
Don't think that way to start. I know it sounds like bullshit advice but a girl I dated back in university told me that and it really stuck with me. She told me it was guys put up these artificial boundaries and reasons to not ask a girl out or even talk to them. If you have confidence, that's one if the things that women like to see. Now obviously it's not a universal truth and some women won't care if you're the most confident guy in the world and well reject you for superficial reasons (as if they see you as being below their time) but that's rarely the case and really you wouldn't want to be around a girl that thinks that way to begin with.
Mediking
Member
I... It's hard to explain. Like I can talk to women and even casually flirt. But there's been women where I thought they were so pretty that they would never go out with me. I might become friends with them but a relationship sounds impossible in my head.
Then again, I am a 21 virgin who never even had a girlfriend before.
Maybe I do have confidence issues after all.
Then again, I am a 21 virgin who never even had a girlfriend before.
Maybe I do have confidence issues after all.
ZackieChan
Member
Given that their not dating you is not an objective fact, how can you NOT see that you have a confidence issue?
Mediking
Member
Indenial.gif
Just tell him that you'd like to get tested, it's not something to be embarrassed about. Just know that if it just happened an HIV test won't be valid until a few months after I think, HIV is incredibly rare and hard to catch anyway so don't stress about it unless you start getting symptoms 3-4 weeks later.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
- Status