Miles Quaritch
Member
Be honest? Tell her you're not looking for anything serious.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Be honest? Tell her you're not looking for anything serious.
Just say you're not looking for anything serious right now. Most girls wont react that poorly to it, especially if you met her off Tinder.
Yeah... :/
Most of the time I avoid asking friends for this reason. I've had it go both ways, good and bad. Just a headache to deal with for everyone though. I feel bad for even bringing it up to her honestly, but I know myself well enough to know not getting rejected early would only make it worse over time.
I dunno. Today's not a great day. I keep thinking about my ex being SO publicly excited fangirling about how excited and happy she is to spend time alone with and talk to her new crush after she basically just walked out of my life without a word then returning just briefly enough to say "relationships are dumb. I just want to spend time by myself. Relationships are dumb. You deserve better than me. Ok bye". Why did I even check her Twitter? I don't know. I asked out the other girl immediately after just to get it over with- didn't confess my love or some shit like that I just asked if she was interested in going on a date sometime. Didn't say I "liked" her (which btw thanks to whoever wrote the post about that a few pages ago, smart shit I never thought of and I'll keep it in mind).
Anyway there's a birthday party happening on Saturday with a bunch of people I've never met. AASU and writing major/poetry peeps, I'm excited. Gonna try my best to be presentable and meet some interesting people.
As the others say.
But if it's just been one date and you're not sure (which is fine), you don't have to make a stand right away. No rush.
If you don't have the self-control (we all have our moment of weakness), delete her.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Is there a link to the don't say like to a girl post? I'd love to share that with a few choice people who always jump the gun...
I already did a few weeks ago, haha. Removed on all social media, I don't know why I randomly decided to check her Twitter last night. :/
The two things happened in the opposite order, but I do think one led to the other for sure. Just lost control for a bit there I guess and had my moment of weakness after honestly a pretty great past two weeks.
You're right though, gonna go block now. Thanks.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Me and a friend had a thing over the Summer. Had to call it off because she moved ages away, but the irritating thing? It isn't awkward when we see each other. Like, not at all. We still get on really well, and she clearly hasn't gotten facial deformities since, she's still really pretty. Were it not for the distance we'd probably be together. Ah, well.
Rookie mistake. Social media is a lying snapshot of someone's life, usually for somebody who brags about their relationship it's simply an excuse to showcase the positive aspects.
My ex has a fairytale depiction of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, but I know very well she's still a neurotic psychopath that can never be pleased.
Rookie mistake. Social media is a lying snapshot of someone's life, usually for somebody who brags about their relationship it's simply an excuse to showcase the positive aspects.
My ex has a fairytale depiction of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, but I know very well she's still a neurotic psychopath that can never be pleased.
UnObtainium17
Member
Ugh the struggles of figuring out if this chick is flirting or not..
ZackieChan
Member
Ugh the struggles of figuring out if this chick is flirting or not..
Does she look like this when talking to you?
Yep. Is there a followup, or would you just like to hear some rambling thoughts on it?
Woody Invincible
Banned
We all have our little quirks on why we check in with our exes. And while it is totally vain on my part, I relish the fact that my ex-wife looks terrible now and am glad to have dodged that bullet. Same thing with exgfs, they are there to assure me that I'm not missing anything in their absence.
Why yes, and most of the time, it is an unequitable disaster. Have fun if you have something planned!
Why yes, and most of the time, it is an unequitable disaster. Have fun if you have something planned!
rambling thoughts please!
nothing planned vis as vis online dating, was just wondering.
DarkHeartedKill
Member
GAF, I'm curious.
Guys: How many of you have been asked out by the girl you liked?
Girls: How many of you have asked out the guy you like?
I'm kinda holding out for a girl to ask me out, due to some personal reasons and the fact that I'm a goddman coward.
I had hope in the beginning but it's beginning to diminish.
Guys: How many of you have been asked out by the girl you liked?
Girls: How many of you have asked out the guy you like?
I'm kinda holding out for a girl to ask me out, due to some personal reasons and the fact that I'm a goddman coward.
I had hope in the beginning but it's beginning to diminish.
UnObtainium17
Member
Does she look like this when talking to you?
lmao. she almost did. We talked for like 10-15 mins straight almost laughing the entire time (have to cut the convo because I got a call from work or something and I knwo she got shit to do too). She sang someone like you embarrassingly loud in front fo me because she hear it from my work computer. What sucks is that i'm already making moves to this other girl then this chick comes along.
I don't want to drop the other chick cold because I might end up with ZERO if this new chick doen;t pan out.
I was asked out once by a REALLY shy girl in HS. Through a letter and did not respond to it. Up until now I still feel like shit for what I did not do because I now know how much courage it takes for a shy person (esp a girl) to ask someone out. I hoep one day I can apologize to her.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
See my ex LOOks great, which doesn't help, but it is a LOOK. I was getting all beat up about it till my friend looks over and says "Wow, she has the fakest smile ever". And then I clocked it. The stretched out, dimple filled grimace of someone who's not really content. Nor ever will be.
ask her out. rejection isn't bad.
Right then, let's talk Online Dating. The first thing that needs said, just about everyone sucks at it. Their profiles suck, their pictures suck, their messages suck, they spend way too much time messaging before meeting, and they just generally have no idea what they're doing. It's worth reiterating the suckiness of pictures, because 95.3% of the time, if someone isn't getting interest in their profile, it's because of the pictures.
The most important thing to note about online dating, it should NOT be your only source of securing dates, just a supplementary one. The near-constant rejection of online dating can eat at your self esteem quickly. On a site like OKCupid, we consider a 10-20% response rate to be good. If you're a guy, that is. If you're a girl, you'll get 50 messages your first day.
For all the algorithms and messaging and likes/dislikes and questions at play on various Online dating sites, NOTHING will give you a better indication of chemistry than the first meet. The brain wants what the brain wants, and it only works if it can see the other person. Speaking and actions carry so many more cues (both major and micro) that just don't carry through text. You should ask a girl out within 15 messages. Treat it more like Online introductions than Online dating.
In other words, you should take the Online out of Online dating ASAP.
As for my own personal experiences, the very first date I went on was with a girl I met online. That ended up being my first kiss and my first *cough cough use your imagination*. Things ended after 4 dates, due to me saying crap I shouldn't have said. Something you quickly learn, once you're dating someone, there's no substitute for experience. And the only way you get that experience is by failing. Alot. As the saying goes, "The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried."
The last point I have, beware the Amazon effect. It's way too easy to treat girls like products on Amazon. Like when you're searching for a new TV, it's not enough to have a damn good TV, you must have the best. That leads to endless comparison of specs and reviews and price drops and all that. Same thing can happen through Online dating, where you're not content with great, and keep checking out other girls in case they're "better". Because after all, you have a device in your pocket listing tons of potential other options...
In my lifetime, I have only had two girls ask me out. In other words, don't count on it.
That's why you meet up ASAP. You might have incredibly chemistry online but nothing at all in person, or the other around. You never know until you actually meet.
ZackieChan
Member
Absolutely this.
I've had a pretty great time online dating, but now that I'm back in South Jersey for a few weeks, it suuuuucks.
ZackieChan
Member
You're telling me.
I'll be in Austin, Texas soon. Wish me luck, though I think I'm staying in a hostel with like 14 beds in the room.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Edit-nm
Ceallach
Smells like fresh rosebuds
I've asked plenty of guys out. I tend to kind of be aggressive when I see something I want
So I met this insanely hot girl a couple weeks ago at a bar. Literally a perfect 10. We talk for less than five minutes and she's really sweet. Then she asks me for my number so we can keep in touch. I'm like, wow, okay.
So I go on a road trip for the last week and a half and we text a bit. Over this time I learn she's really nice and quite religious and she just "rebooted" her life moving home after having lived six years in the city.
So today I text and tell her I'm home. We start chatting and after a couple exchanges I ask her if I can take her out for a drink. She replied and said that yes she'd love to and she's free on "Sunday, November 13" and asked if that date works for me.
I'm just like, what!? I have no idea what to even say.
So I go on a road trip for the last week and a half and we text a bit. Over this time I learn she's really nice and quite religious and she just "rebooted" her life moving home after having lived six years in the city.
So today I text and tell her I'm home. We start chatting and after a couple exchanges I ask her if I can take her out for a drink. She replied and said that yes she'd love to and she's free on "Sunday, November 13" and asked if that date works for me.
I'm just like, what!? I have no idea what to even say.
She's booked up man. wait your turn.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
My experience too, especially considering the demographic I'm targeting.
I've had plenty of girls ask me out -- though, they usually do it indirectly via their friends (e.g., "Hey, what do you think about Amy?"). Via online dating, I've had girls ask me out fairly consistently, and I had one of those turn into an actual relationship.
Co-signed. Messages don't matter. It's like being worried about a cover letter when, really, its only purpose is to score you an interview. Besides, in 2016, anyone who's waffling about meeting someone in a public place for coffee or a drink after exchanging a few thoughtful messages while all of their friends are swiping on Tinder during brunch is ridiculous. I've got no time for that, and neither should anyone else.
Lol. Wow, thats crazy. Maybe she meant March since that has a Sunday the 13th? Still though...
I've had a lot of dates through them but they're usually hella boring honestly. I'm not a big fan.
That said I have a coffee date lined up with some tinder girl sometime this week LOL. My schedule's still in flux with class and work but yeah. Hopefully cool?
Once but she was super weird and creepy. I'd definitely love someone cool to do so lol, but I'm not banking on it.
Ask her.
^
davidwhangchoi
Member
is awesome lol =P
Maybe it's a joke? If not I dunno honestly.
I think she's joking.
See, I'd just reply as if it were a joke.
"Ah, I might be tied up. How about some time this week instead, say *thedayyouwanttooffer*?"
Oof, heh...
She just texted and said "Sorry I know that must sound crazy but I made a commitment right before I met you and Nov 13 will have been a year"
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
The only way this remotely makes sense is if she's widowed and a year is the traditional mourning period. In which case, no, you're not waiting until November. If that's not the case, then... I don't even know.
Something to this effect. Or she promised herself time away from anything too "dating-heavy" for a year.
"Yes, that does sound crazy."
I could use some advice, Gaf. Apologies for such a long post.
Some background on my situation. I'm 23 and a virgin, and I've never had a girlfriend. Only ever kissed 3 girls and I was really drunk each time. Closest I ever came to a relationship was a girl way back in high school like 6 years ago who ended up dating my best friend for a time because I apparently waited too long to make a move. A little over a year ago, a girl came home from the bar with me and we watched a movie. I was drunk and we started making out, which eventually led to my fingers inside her/rubbing her clit and then me getting a blowjob. That was my first and so far only sexual experience. Honestly, while it definitely felt nice, I really didn't enjoy it half as much as I thought I would because I had just met the girl. I had gotten her number at the bar, but she never responded to any texts I sent her after that night, which kinda stung. A lot. I don't think it's necessarily sex I'm looking for so much as companionship and not feeling so damn lonely and depressed all the time (although sex would be nice too).
So back in late September I met this girl in one of my classes and asked her out to coffee afterwards. I got her number and a couple weeks later, in October, we had made plans to hang out at her place (she lives by herself in an apartment) and watch some Neflix. My friends were all building this up, saying that "netflix and chill" is some instant sex thing, but I tempered my expectations, hoping that we would at least just make out. So that night we chill and talk for a bit, have a few drinks, and watch Kill Bill. I was waiting for a time during the movie to make a move and try to kiss her, but it never felt like the right time since she never really cuddled up to me (though her feet were laying across my lap). Eventually, after the movie, she said she was getting tired and going to call it a night. As I'm leaving we hug and I said something along the lines of "can I kiss you/I've been wanting to kiss you all night." She said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now or something, and I got out of there embarrassed as fuck. I texted her the next morning to apologize for being so awkward and said we could just be friends if that's what she wanted. She said not to apologize, that her last relationship didn't go so well and she's really busy with school/work so she isn't looking for a relationship right now, but that she wanted to keep hanging out and see where things go.
Since then we still text more days than not (although usually not super long conversations), we got coffee a couple times a week on campus after the class we had together, and we hung out several more times. We went out to a couple movies, went bowling, went out for sushi, etc. but the most that has happened physically is a kiss on the cheek or holding hands. We didn't really see each other off campus much the last couple weeks of the semester because we were both so busy, and then she went to visit her family in Canada right after finals (she's not American).
She just got back yesterday and I'm supposed to come over to her place sometime this week with a bottle of champagne to celebrate the end of the semester. She only has one class next semester (the last one she needs to graduate) and mentioned that she'll have a lot more time to hang out now.
My question is, has this dragged on so long that I have no chance of dating her now? Have I been "friendzoned?" If when I go over there this week, nothing happens, should I ask her where this is going or if she's at all interested in a relationship with me? I really don't even know if we've been going out on dates this whole time or just hanging out as friends.
Some background on my situation. I'm 23 and a virgin, and I've never had a girlfriend. Only ever kissed 3 girls and I was really drunk each time. Closest I ever came to a relationship was a girl way back in high school like 6 years ago who ended up dating my best friend for a time because I apparently waited too long to make a move. A little over a year ago, a girl came home from the bar with me and we watched a movie. I was drunk and we started making out, which eventually led to my fingers inside her/rubbing her clit and then me getting a blowjob. That was my first and so far only sexual experience. Honestly, while it definitely felt nice, I really didn't enjoy it half as much as I thought I would because I had just met the girl. I had gotten her number at the bar, but she never responded to any texts I sent her after that night, which kinda stung. A lot. I don't think it's necessarily sex I'm looking for so much as companionship and not feeling so damn lonely and depressed all the time (although sex would be nice too).
So back in late September I met this girl in one of my classes and asked her out to coffee afterwards. I got her number and a couple weeks later, in October, we had made plans to hang out at her place (she lives by herself in an apartment) and watch some Neflix. My friends were all building this up, saying that "netflix and chill" is some instant sex thing, but I tempered my expectations, hoping that we would at least just make out. So that night we chill and talk for a bit, have a few drinks, and watch Kill Bill. I was waiting for a time during the movie to make a move and try to kiss her, but it never felt like the right time since she never really cuddled up to me (though her feet were laying across my lap). Eventually, after the movie, she said she was getting tired and going to call it a night. As I'm leaving we hug and I said something along the lines of "can I kiss you/I've been wanting to kiss you all night." She said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now or something, and I got out of there embarrassed as fuck. I texted her the next morning to apologize for being so awkward and said we could just be friends if that's what she wanted. She said not to apologize, that her last relationship didn't go so well and she's really busy with school/work so she isn't looking for a relationship right now, but that she wanted to keep hanging out and see where things go.
Since then we still text more days than not (although usually not super long conversations), we got coffee a couple times a week on campus after the class we had together, and we hung out several more times. We went out to a couple movies, went bowling, went out for sushi, etc. but the most that has happened physically is a kiss on the cheek or holding hands. We didn't really see each other off campus much the last couple weeks of the semester because we were both so busy, and then she went to visit her family in Canada right after finals (she's not American).
She just got back yesterday and I'm supposed to come over to her place sometime this week with a bottle of champagne to celebrate the end of the semester. She only has one class next semester (the last one she needs to graduate) and mentioned that she'll have a lot more time to hang out now.
My question is, has this dragged on so long that I have no chance of dating her now? Have I been "friendzoned?" If when I go over there this week, nothing happens, should I ask her where this is going or if she's at all interested in a relationship with me? I really don't even know if we've been going out on dates this whole time or just hanging out as friends.
stn
Member
Uhhhhhh... I hope you're going to politely let her know that you're moving on? What an odd situation.
You haven't been dating and she does think of you more as a friend than anything. "...isn't looking for a relationship right now" generally has an implied "with you" attached to it.
Fuck, this is what i was thinking. Fuck me =/
This is why i wish people would just be upfront with rejection.
davidwhangchoi
Member
Hi KingK, if you got time and no others in line, just keep hanging out this coming semester now that she has more free time. nothing to really lose =)
Yeah, thats crazy. I wonder what the commitment is but I think everyone here will tell you not to bother pursuing her anymore.
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