ZackieChan
Member
Dunno why that's funny, I hear it all the time. "You make me feel safe," etc.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Dunno why that's funny, I hear it all the time. "You make me feel safe," etc.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
So what's your height limit? Can't date a short guy, because you'll have to lift him up to reach the milk in the dairy section.
Gotdatmoney
Member
This is a fantastic example for all the people in this thread who dont understand why texting a lot or texting deep and heavy shit early is fucking awful. Its even better because its the guy getting overwhelmed so people know it goes both ways.
No ome wants to feel pressured or trapped by someone they just started seeing. Its so needy and off putting. Bro, my advice to you is do not stray from the current path of a few hangouts. Feel out her texts and attitude for another week or so and if it doesn't chill the fuck out address it.
Something simple like a "Hey I like hanging out and the thing we have going right now but you're kinda going in to deep for me right now past my comfort zone. I still wanna keep going but can we turn it down a notch".
Based on the response you'll know whether this is just her being a bit tone deaf or it will be a major issue going forward.
Edit: The tall guy thing is incredibly stupid but for w/e reason its a thing. But too tall is a thing too. I'm 6'5", there have been women who have said I'm too tall or the cutoff for too tall. But it definitely is better to be taller than shorter in the dating world as a man. Also, fuck making out with super short girls. It is not fun. But hey, they feel really "safe" right?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Blind date last night (friend set us up): wasn't feeling it beyond friendship, but the girl's pretty cool in that capacity. Another date tonight, which I set up pre-Christmas; kind of amazing it didn't fall through. Might hit up my friends' apartment to meet this girl they want to introduce me to, but that depends on timing. Third date on Friday with my "main," so to speak.
And the only girl that didn't reply to a message this go-around finally did - feast time, I guess. Not putting eggs in one basket this time, either.
And the only girl that didn't reply to a message this go-around finally did - feast time, I guess. Not putting eggs in one basket this time, either.
Ceallach
Smells like fresh rosebuds
Lol, like 5'8"-6' ish. I like guys around the same height. Maybe too picky I know, hell I'm still single at my age for a reason, lol.
On the tall thing.
Girl I went on a date with this week is pretty damn tall, I believe it was 6"0', compared to my 6"2'. Never felt so short with a girl hah, but I kinda liked it actually. Anyway, I commented on it at the end (we had talked about it briefly through text before) and she straight up told me she gets comments about it all the time and it makes her feel uncomfortable "you wouldn't comment 'hey you're really fat' even if you thought that", in a very non-combative tone like she wasn't blaming me, but still. I simply responded that I had never thought of it that way, which was true, and will consider it in the future.
Food for thought I guess, some girls that are tall hate that they are tall, just like you might be ashamed of your big/small breasts or whatever other body feature society tells us we should have.
Girl I went on a date with this week is pretty damn tall, I believe it was 6"0', compared to my 6"2'. Never felt so short with a girl hah, but I kinda liked it actually. Anyway, I commented on it at the end (we had talked about it briefly through text before) and she straight up told me she gets comments about it all the time and it makes her feel uncomfortable "you wouldn't comment 'hey you're really fat' even if you thought that", in a very non-combative tone like she wasn't blaming me, but still. I simply responded that I had never thought of it that way, which was true, and will consider it in the future.
Food for thought I guess, some girls that are tall hate that they are tall, just like you might be ashamed of your big/small breasts or whatever other body feature society tells us we should have.
*Nods vigerously*
They've studied height desparity before. http://www.ajc.com/news/lifestyles/...tall-husband-may-be-key-happy-marriage/npb24/ . The TL
R version - a height disparity does make the wife happy, but that happiness due to height wanes in under 2 decades.Gotdatmoney
Member
Valid point. But I mean social conventions already sorta tell us short guy/tall girl equals issues in the dating world. So I mostly just think like, dont say anything relating to those on a date. Really, beyond "you look really pretty/handsome" or "I like (insert clothing article)" I really wouldn't suggest making comments on a dates appearance
As a side note, height comments are really boring. If you think you are the first person to ever notice i'm tall . . . You arent.
I feel it was a bit different though. She actually was the one to initiate our Tinder conversation with a comment on my height (it's in my profile) saying she could relate to what I wrote, and I asked if she's tall and she said yeah very but not as tall as you. So she brought it up in the first place, and when I made my comment it was something like "yeah you actually are pretty tall like you said". Otherwise I would agree with you.
I had a tall (6'4") girlfriend. I definitely noticed a lot of stares and snarky/ignorant comments from people.
My wife is 5 foot nothing and I am 6'3" 265 lbs so we definitely get some looks when we go out. Some of that is definitely due to the fact that she is very chestially gifted (36DD) but the size difference sticks out. Her Filipino family (she's half) acted like I was a giant when I met them.
My wife is 5 foot nothing and I am 6'3" 265 lbs so we definitely get some looks when we go out. Some of that is definitely due to the fact that she is very chestially gifted (36DD) but the size difference sticks out. Her Filipino family (she's half) acted like I was a giant when I met them.
ZackieChan
Member
I lol'd. Thanks for that.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Oh yeah that's valid then. Appearance is such a big thing in dating that I just generally try not to comment on it. I really feel for tall girls/short guys. It's a cruddy thing to be judged for.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I texted her back that it's better to just talk about this in person when I get back in a couple days, didn't know how else to avoid talking about it, especially over text
Gotdatmoney
Member
Definitely better to do in person. I mean this is only if you still are interested. Generally though, this thread is a testament to people nkt knowing when they are juat being clingy. She may not know so it may be fineif she is cool with just chillin out a bit.
Talking to this girl on Tinder, few texts back and forth, ask if she wants to get coffee the following day (today) around 1:30-2, she says sure. Text her at 1 asking if we're still on, she says her class ends at 1:45 and asks if I'm going out tonight. I text back saying I'll just be in Starbucks til my next class at 3:30 and that I don't have any plans tonight so I'm down to do something if she has any ideas. Suddenly she stops replying, it's been an hour.
:V
:V
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Like me getting overly emotional with the other girl and texting. Damn, I'm sure that didn't help, but we all know the main reason why.
I still picture her and the breakup still hurts. I was watching QoS, and all I can relate to is Bond doing his thing with women, but still saddened by Vesper.
It's going to be weird if I come across her on tinder again.
I still picture her and the breakup still hurts. I was watching QoS, and all I can relate to is Bond doing his thing with women, but still saddened by Vesper.
It's going to be weird if I come across her on tinder again.
I mean it wasn't even a bail really, we scheduled sometime between 1:30-2:00 so I figured she was just gonna come after her class ended, and then she asked what I was doing tonight out of the blue.
idk, weird. It's tinder so I don't really care much lol, there's another girl I might be able to catch tonight after classes anyway.
Kill Your Masters
Member
Thank you. This makes obviously sense and yeah this is what I meant when I said giving her space. Obviously need to take care of myself as well and not be available when she is or wants me to be. Just wasn't in this position for a while, in my past few relationships, it was that the girls were more into it than me in the beginning, I let my guard down.
Finn of Ooo
Member
Don't look straight at the camera, be doing something cool and adventurous, maybe have an animal in the shot.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I'm definitely interested in her, which is why I'm willing to talk in person, hopefully it doesn't get heavy
You told her "I don't have any plans tonight so I'm down to do something if she has any ideas." Should have suggested something yourself, even if it was just "Up for drinks at 8?"
I'm 20 and I got work tomorrow anyway lol
I guess you're right tho, question caught me off guard 'cause I was planning to meet another girl later in the day anyway. If she'd had a fun idea I would have postponed with the other.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Yeah, gotta be confident and direct when asking someone out. Not to say what you wrote doesn't work, but one of the girls I'm meeting tomorrow I was direct about getting drinks, but she suggested another city (I'm right in the middle of everywhere). So I suggested one wine bar I've been to in Tampa, she suggested another good place, and I said perfect.
Asking the girl to take charge with planning the first date rarely works in your favor. You're better off asking specifics, which they can then counter if it doesn't work for them. She had already hinted at an alternate meet time ("asks if I'm going out tonight") and your response didn't help zone in on anything. Even if you told her "yeah, I'm meeting up with a mate of mine, how about we do something Friday?" you're moving the conversation closer to a date.
Yeah I usually say "coffee at __ time?" haha. If I'm REALLY interested and we hit it off surprisingly well to start with and I wanna have a more interesting first date I suggest a casual photo shoot/walk + lunch.
Fair enough. Ah well, no biggie.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Like me getting overly emotional with the other girl and texting. Damn, I'm sure that didn't help, but we all know the main reason why.
I still picture her and the breakup still hurts. I was watching QoS, and all I can relate to is Bond doing his thing with women, but still saddened by Vesper.
It's going to be weird if I come across her on tinder again.
Exactly like your story lol. His post was exactly in words how smothering that shit is. People just gotta learn to chill. One day at a time.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I really wish I could've gone back in time to the end of the third date. Since she brought up not being one of those tinder girls, and why I was on the app, I should've asked her then why she was on the app herself? And no excuse for just moving down from another state.
Oh well.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Was not trying to bring this sup again haha. You are over thinking it still. It is really simple man, it just didn't work out. You learned from it. Now you can just kick ass in the future. No need to dwel
Re: things that can get emotional, how long should I avoid telling girls that both my parents died while I was in high school? I'll only mention it in person, and things get awkward as fuck quickly. Around the holidays its especially hard not to make mention it. Only two girls had decent reactions to it...one thought it made me strong to deal with it, another wanted me to volunteer with her to help children going through it themselves (though that was on the second date. Mad clingy).
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Was not trying to bring this sup again haha. You are over thinking it still. It is really simple man, it just didn't work out. You learned from it. Now you can just kick ass in the future. No need to dwel
No I like talking about it, because it makes me feel better, but I've been doing it via PM. Can't believe the unanimous answers from everyone that I fucked up on date #2 by her wanting to sleep with me, felt rejected, and then on date #3 it was already over. Usually I can read signals, or they invite me in.
If the girl I saw once in October works out and we gel next Friday, I'll definitely forget about the other girl. We've been texting every 24-48 hours. Just briefy, and sometimes I wait until the next day to reply to keep the anticipation going.
I'll be honest, she's probably not as excited to see me as I am, who knows maybe I'm wrong, but she did agree for me to take her to dinner, so either she does show interest or she's being nice. Either way, like I said, I'm keeping my expectations in check, and hopefully the date goes really well.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Don't bring it up unless they bring up your family.
davidwhangchoi
Member
^ this is awesome. people can take this advice to the bank to network a better career position.
stn
Member
Ha, no. Never this. You never want to play the role of a nagging mom or dad to someone. She's obviously a "Tinder girl" who just wanted some fun. There's really nothing to question. You need to accept that sometimes the other person may not want to date you. They may just want to bang you once and disappear, or bang you many times and disappear. But never date you.
Stop dwelling and move on. I hate to say it but at least you know she was physically into you. Better that than being rejected due to lack of physical appeal.
I avoided telling my boyfriend that my stepmother threatened to kick my ass and then kicked me out of the house until he asked about why I don't talk to my father (I only talk to my brother family wise), and that my mother died when I was in high school some time later (I forget what brought it up). It was at least a few months into the relationship at that point.
In short, I don't bring it up until someone asks because yeah, it is awkward af. Someone I'm only just dating doesn't need to know that stuff.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Eh, I would say just answer it when it comes up. Unless it is a very sensitive topic for you I don't particularly know how you avoid it. But like you don't need to bring it up. If it doesnt pop up for a year then it doesnt pop up.
I never bring it up just to bring it up. It usually comes up as an aside to something else. Like if a girl asks if I'm going over to my parents for New Years/Christmas Dinner, or if a girl asks if my parents still live in the area, since I'm from here. I've gotten much better at avoiding the topic, but it's still not easy. So much of the past 15 years' events start there.
I didn't try and initiate anything, no.
It was 7am by that time and I obviously misinterpreted what she was truly saying when she said that.
I'll try and be more forward when I see her on Saturday.
ZackieChan
Member
Well the woman that dumped me unceremonious for the ex.
Timeline
12/12 - Spent the night after a weird date. She shaves me we make love on her sink. I sleep over all seems normal.
12/16 - She dumps me for her ex aka 'the one that got away' because he's moving here.
12/17 - I text her this blindsided me. That she shouldn't have started talking to me about being in a relationship a week prior. Only two short texts. She responded barely.
12/22 - I sent her a message basically saying I was pissed off and that she treated me wrong and that she seems like a sociopath. She responds with a long, defensive post and talks about her justifications and that 'I obviously hate her'. Playing that shit up.
12/25 - I send her a message saying what you did was wrong. Then I eulogized the relationship a bit looking at it fondly and told her I missed her but don't think she treated me right and that I'm moving on. I basically challenged her for the truth and said look I want to believe you so validate me with some honesty and compassion. She responded with a platitude 'Merry Christmas'.
12/31 - I text her that she dropped me and showed no compassion. That it tells me it was bullshit and that she's a vanilla bitch with her tail wedged between her legs. That I'm leaving her in 2015.
Think I gave her opportunity and she shit on it twice after throwing me to the curb. I'm letting it go and it's hard but what she did was fucking terrible.
Timeline
12/12 - Spent the night after a weird date. She shaves me we make love on her sink. I sleep over all seems normal.
12/16 - She dumps me for her ex aka 'the one that got away' because he's moving here.
12/17 - I text her this blindsided me. That she shouldn't have started talking to me about being in a relationship a week prior. Only two short texts. She responded barely.
12/22 - I sent her a message basically saying I was pissed off and that she treated me wrong and that she seems like a sociopath. She responds with a long, defensive post and talks about her justifications and that 'I obviously hate her'. Playing that shit up.
12/25 - I send her a message saying what you did was wrong. Then I eulogized the relationship a bit looking at it fondly and told her I missed her but don't think she treated me right and that I'm moving on. I basically challenged her for the truth and said look I want to believe you so validate me with some honesty and compassion. She responded with a platitude 'Merry Christmas'.
12/31 - I text her that she dropped me and showed no compassion. That it tells me it was bullshit and that she's a vanilla bitch with her tail wedged between her legs. That I'm leaving her in 2015.
Think I gave her opportunity and she shit on it twice after throwing me to the curb. I'm letting it go and it's hard but what she did was fucking terrible.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Whoa, dude. You seemed overly agressive the constant texting. One goodbye text, and that's it.
...aaaand with reactions like these, it's no wonder women resort to excuses instead of rejecting guys outright.
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