Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Gotdatmoney said:
Ideally you would get the truth but this is not an ideal world. The moving on process is dependent on you alone. Not on whatever actions you desire someone else to take to "help" you move on. I grasp the situation sucks but the disappearing act is a staple for a reason. It illicits the least response.


I know I am being harsh, I wont hide that but people are being so idealistic about this. You are not going to get an explanation about everything. People need to learn to accept that some shit will be unknown. It is dating age, not married for 15 years age or even long term bf/gf age. If we need genuine closure from1-2 months interaction you are getting way too attached.
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While time spent is a general rule, don't think you can judge it just from the amount of time you've been dating. I have dated people for 1-2 months who I saw just occasionally, wasn't crazy sparks, and I don't think either party would have expected some ultimate closure yet even then it was usually given. In a situation like this where all signs were that it was quickly heading towards a relationship and we were seeing each other as much as we possibly could, I sure as hell would expect at least something but yeah that's an ideal I guess. The last night I saw her before we both left town we went to dinner, a play, and she slept over and we stayed up all night together refusing to go to sleep and absolutely hated saying goodbye in the morning. We literally couldn't get enough of each other the entire night whether intellectually, emotionally or physically. And all that was after some stretches where it would be like that 3 nights in a row. I'm sorry for getting attached at all in a situation as crazy passionate as that. In the back of my mind I know it's too short of a time but you catch those feels man.

Llyranor said:
People ghosting you are doing you a favor. Yes, it's lame, and you're left wondering what happened and why. You feel there's no closure.

Here's your closure: they ghosted you. They're already treating you like crap and disregarding your feelings at this point in the ?relationship. Imagine if things had progressed further! Awful behavior and completely disrespectful to you as a person. THAT IS ALL THE REASON YOU TO MOVE ON.

You want "reasons"? First off, even if she gave you one, there's still a good chance it might not even be the real one. Take your pick from the list:
- She found someone else
- She's an awful person
- She doesn't care about your feelings
- All that time you spent together doesn't even deserve acknowledgement
- She's in a coma
- Aliens have kidnapped her family and forbidden her from contacting you because your future offspring together was prophecied as being the hero that brings down their civilization
- She was enjoying the attention during your time together but got bored now, yawn
- you were a creep
- She has a longstanding history of people she saw for a few dates reacting very aggressively to a breakup
- she was on the Titanic
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I appreciate this post a lot. I have stated though that I don't care about a specific reason I just wanted to be treated like an actual person. I know people can move on for literally no reason at all. I agree though that it is a blessing in disguise, not going to waste any more time thinking about her past today thanks guys.

Edited: The list is great but the bolded one hurts the most, just makes you feel like shit. Moving on though
 
Woah, new match, super hot, I open the conversation by asking about her job because it sounded cool (Mary Kay Consultant), she gives me like a 2-3 paragraph response ending with a question. I'm like o shit ok and we start talking about ourselves for a bit, then I see she followed me on Instagram so I followed back. Waiting for her to respond to the last thing I said then gonna ask if she wants to do lunch later today.

Still no reply from the other girl I mentioned earlier but oh well lol if she replies after I make plans with this new girl I'll just push her thing back a few days since this new person is a lot more immediately interesting.
 
n64coder said:
You're in for a surprise. Do you know what "Mary Kay" is?



I would suggest meeting for a drink or coffee instead of dinner/lunch.
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Isn't it like some perfume thing? She said she's trying to get a partnership or something set up with her sorority. I'd be surprised if she wants to sell me something lol.

And yeah I probs shoulda said that I'm just really hungry and thinking with my stomach rn whoops
 
It's cosmetics sales/pyramid scheme with a major emphasis on "networking" to build up potential suckers... I mean clients. If she's dopey enough to fall for it, I wouldn't pursue her. She probably will want you to help her schill her shit.
 
MisterRoboto said:
Not that there's a direct correlation but I've know 3 women who sold Mary Kay and they were all crazy. Just saying.
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gwailo said:
It's cosmetics sales/pyramid scheme. If she's dopey enough to fall for it, I wouldn't pursue her. She probably will want you to help her schill her shit.
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LOL welp

I already asked her to lunch so hey maybe I'll get a funny story out of it if she's down ¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
Gotdatmoney said:
You genuinely think people would be adverse to telling the truth if they were not afraid of the fallout? I stand by my statement, you are not owed an explanation about why someone disappears. If you believe otherwise you are in for a rude awakening.

Ghosting is not nice but the issue was never about feelings. It was about why people do it and its because people can't handle an L. If everyone took rejection like a champ, you think we would need all these breakup slow fade strategies?
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I think more often than not, people choose to ghost because it's more convenient and hassle free for them. It's not about the other person being able to handle an L. It's about the ghoster deciding one day that I don't wan to deal with this any more and they go quiet. They block you or they just delete your number and disappear.

Owed an explanation. If I'd be seeing someone for weeks and they suddenly ghosted. I'd wonder why. Anyone would question why someone would ghost them after weeks. We're not talking about days here.

The concept of handling an L doesn't apply in such a scenario.
 
"I'm gonna be looking hella bummier than usual because I'm about to hit the gym but if you don't mind that then sure 😊"

Welp guess we're gettin lunch I'll tell you guys if she tries to sell my kidneys to Mary Kay
 
Cool Guy Sami said:
"I'm gonna be looking hella bummier than usual because I'm about to hit the gym but if you don't mind that then sure ��"

Welp guess we're gettin lunch I'll tell you guys if she tries to sell my kidneys to Mary Kay
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Eh, call me cynical but I don't think she has a legit interest in you. She seems to want to talk about her career way too much, and I also find it odd that she's okay with looking "bummier" around you on a first date. When you're really into someone you always want to look nothing less than your best. A girl that's okay with not looking her best around you is a girl that doesn't truly want you. Just IMO.

EDIT: It feels like she's going to a client meeting instead of a hot, intimate date. Is it just me?
 
stn said:
Eh, call me cynical but I don't think she has a legit interest in you. She seems to want to talk about her career way too much, and I also find it odd that she's okay with looking "bummier" around you on a first date. When you're really into someone you always want to look nothing less than your best. A girl that's okay with not looking her best around you is a girl that doesn't truly want you. Just IMO.

EDIT: It feels like she's going to a client meeting instead of a hot, intimate date. Is it just me?
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Yeah, since she's a college student, I think so. The vibe I'm getting is that she likes him enough to fit him in -- the "bummier" thing is probably a self-effacing reference to not being able to look her best. She's not going to try to sell him anything. It's just a first date over, in all likelihood, soda and sandwiches.

Also? You're wrong, in one sense: girls don't look their best ALL the time. Such as after a night out (post-makeup), first thing in the morning (pre-makeup), or after working out together. Anyone that doesn't ever make the effort probably doesn't want you, but you need to make logistical allowances. Plus, remember that they're kids and she's an underage sorority girl: her idea of looking her best involves yoga pants and a North Face jacket regardless. Cocktail hour this is not.
 
GK86 said:
Jebus, Kev. If that was after one date (like total), you need professional help.
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Jason's Ultimatum said:
And I thought I was bad after three dates. LOL.
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bluethree said:
...aaaand with reactions like these, it's no wonder women resort to excuses instead of rejecting guys outright.
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Guys we'd been dating over 3 months/20 dates and were exclusive. We had talked about starting our relationship about a week before she ended it.


I don't know. I wasn't crazy in the messages, pretty calm and collected. Is it wrong of me to expect compassion in this case?


I suppose I was better off saying nothing. A mix of the Holidays and along with everything else I didn't handle it well.
 
Kevtones said:
Guys we'd been dating over 3 months/20 dates and were exclusive. We had talked about starting our relationship about a week before she ended it.

I don't know. I wasn't crazy in the messages, pretty calm and collected. Is it wrong of me to expect compassion in this case?

I suppose I was better off saying nothing. A mix of the Holidays and along with everything else I didn't handle it well.
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That does make things a little better, but still, what was your end goal?

To get back together with her? If she's willing to toss you aside for her ex, she isn't someone you want to stay with.

An apology? If you didn't get one, that definitely sucks, but you won't get one after calling her a sociopath. And you still contacted her on Christmas and New Years Eve.

To hurt her as bad as she hurt you? There's just no way to win that game.
 
Salamando said:
That does make things a little better, but still, what was your end goal?

To get back together with her? If she's willing to toss you aside for her ex, she isn't someone you want to stay with.

An apology? If you didn't get one, that definitely sucks, but you won't get one after calling her a sociopath. And you still contacted her on Christmas and New Years Eve.

To hurt her as bad as she hurt you? There's just no way to win that game.
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Yeah there was no point. I mean I guess I wanted to know the truth better so I could see her in a better light.

Still, the only option is to let it go.


This is third relationship in a row where it's happened. I need to start meeting available women and take a break.
 
Im pretty shy ok, she contacted me first. if you can remove my message from your reply i'd appreciate it liu kang, but I'd understand if you don't.

Edit: Thank you Liu Kang.
 
And actually let I really should reword how I put everything in that original post. I was pretty tactful towards her given how it went down.


Also for context:

2013 - 5 YEAR relationship ended when she cheated on me two guys, rela was over but I ended it.

2014 - 9 month relationship ended when she accused me of not being over my ex (not true whatsoever), only to dump me and get married to her ex roughly three months after we broke up.

2015 - 4 month relationship with an actress at the start of year. We end when she tells me she doesn't want to commit right now and then she moves in with her ex-boyfriend.

2015 - 3+ month relationship I spoke of earlier where her ex moved here for her and she broke it off.


She knew about my past from like the 2nd or 3rd date forward. Like she asked specifically and we talked about it on a hike. The fact that she did what she did while understanding my past and then to show no compassion… I guess I had the right to be pretty upset and use a term like sociopath.

Anyway, I can't extend more energy to this. Fuck.
 
Kevtones said:
And actually let I really should reword how I put everything in that original post. I was pretty tactful towards her given how it went down.


Also for context:

snip snip

Anyway, I can't extend more energy to this. Fuck.
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Well, given the context, I think you're a bit burned out from dating and need some time to recover from just everything. Get all the details that you're not learning or growing from anymore out of your head and get to a better place before putting yourself out there again.
 
I asked a girl on a dating website what she's doing this weekend after talking for a bit and she said "moving into hers mans for about 2 months while we have work done on the house"

Am I misunderstanding or something or does that mean her boyfriend..? Wat
 
Ape said:
talking to girls 19, 21, 21 and 23. feel like that's a nice young group.
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How old are you?
It doesn't really matter, though. You do you.
Kurtofan said:
Im pretty shy ok, she contacted me first. if you can remove my message from your reply i'd appreciate it liu kang, but I'd understand if you don't.

Edit: Thank you Liu Kang.
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Could you give a short synopsis or something? It's killing me.
 
Tambini said:
I asked a girl on a dating website what she's doing this weekend after talking for a bit and she said "moving into hers mans for about 2 months while we have work done on the house"

Am I misunderstanding or something or does that mean her boyfriend..? Wat
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Maybe she meant into her moms??

No, because the we.... uh... I'd ask for further clarification.
 
Short date. Only an hour, lol. But she didn't look like the person from her tinder profile. I thought she was Latin in her pics, lol. Waaaay off base.

But we went to a fancy wine bar. Got a glass and appetizer. I spent over $40. :(

she was cool actually. I told her we should do this again, she said definitely, hugged, and that was that.

Catholic girl on tinder who messaged me first, lol. We'll see where this goes.

Hoping for girl next Friday will work out.
 
28 here and 22 is the youngest I'll go. Even then, I'd much prefer 25-35. *shrug* Everyone's unique, though. I just have a tough time imagining a 20-year-old I could truly bond with. I feel like I've seen too much, haha.
 
Damn. Looks like things arent looking good with this girl. Shot her a text saying I had a good time tonight , and we should get together again. That was at 9:30. She's definitely home now, too.

Before we met up, she would text back within minutes.

Fuck, an hour date, which is damn sketchy, and spent $40 on the wine and appetizers.

This sucks with these dates not working out after the last girl I blew it with.

Edit-probably didnt help when I asked her if being religious is a pre-requisite when finding a man when religion was brought up, lol.

She was decent, but fuck. Let me at least have a little enjoyment out with spending so much in s short timeframe! Oh well. I doubt she'll reply back.

Onto next Friday.
 
Welp she didn't try to sell me anything

Talked for like six hours, three hours at CFA then we got bored and went to a hookah bar

Kissed at the end

Neat

she looked better in the photos tbh, bit thicker than I expected but really pretty face, at one point when smoking I felt an urge to just start making out with her but we were in public so I didn't. She has a cool personality tho. Invited her to tomorrow's party
 
Jason's Ultimatum said:
If she was intersted in a second date, she would've replied back. It takes less than 30 seconds. Either that, or she wants me to wait for her to reply, thus anticipation, and will reply back tomorrow.
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There are a multitude of possible scenarios, yes. She might not be interested, or she might be playing mind games and making you anticipate her text. She might be watching a film for the next 2 hrs, or chatting with friends/family and doesn't touch her phone while doing that. She might simply put her phone away and doesn't check it periodically and wouldn't even know she's gotten your texts. Your analyzing all the possibilities has no bearing on how she will act, all it does is stress you out while thinking of bad scenarios. Which is why it is good to take a step away from that phone. Put it away for the night, you'll see tomorrow if you got any messages. If she answers, great! The real benefit from it (aside from the minute-to-minute stress, is that it helps you detach from the situation, and not let HER actions affect YOUR state of mind.

In the instance that she WERE playing mindgames, if you simply don't check the phone all the time, you simply don't know if she is or isn't texting you, and thus are unaffected by said mindgames.

Keep busy, and you lower the risk of getting too invested too quickly.
 
Oh, I haven't been checking my phone. Only once from a friend texting me. To be honest with you, I've been dozing off and on, so im too tired to check my phone anyway. Like I said, I'm not gonna sweat over this girl if she's not interested. She was decent.
 
The Wall said:
Well, given the context, I think you're a bit burned out from dating and need some time to recover from just everything. Get all the details that you're not learning or growing from anymore out of your head and get to a better place before putting yourself out there again.
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Good advice. I've been getting a lot of that 'take a step back'.

Weird part is that I feel I am learning each time. Life-wise, things are very good. For all intents and purposes 2015 was the best year of my life.

Thank you for your thoughts.
 
Jason's Ultimatum said:
Damn. Looks like things arent looking good with this girl. Shot her a text saying I had a good time tonight , and we should get together again. That was at 9:30. She's definitely home now, too.

Before we met up, she would text back within minutes.

Fuck, an hour date, which is damn sketchy, and spent $40 on the wine and appetizers.

This sucks with these dates not working out after the last girl I blew it with.

Edit-probably didnt help when I asked her if being religious is a pre-requisite when finding a man when religion was brought up, lol.

She was decent, but fuck. Let me at least have a little enjoyment out with spending so much in s short timeframe! Oh well. I doubt she'll reply back.

Onto next Friday.
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Didn't we all tell you before not to spend so much money on these dates? And don't you work retail? Seriously, go for a walk. It's romantic and fun and you both can find spontaneous things while you go. 40 bucks is crazy for a girl you don't even know. That's probably 4 hours of work for you, half a work day right? For 1 hour of nothing. Get it together.


Edit: Regarding the age convo, I'm 31 but I'll date 18-22, doesn't bother me at all. In fact I kind of prefer it. They aren't looking for anything serious at that age usually, and I'm definitely not. So why not? Regarding making references to "Doug" or other cartoons... different strokes I guess but I don't talk about any pop culture shit. Why would anyone care if you make a Rugrats reference? Talk about real stuff. Hobbies, travels, interests, family, friends... you'll have more fun and you can both relate, no matter what age or culture you come from.
 
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