I have this girl's number, she told me it's ok if I sent her emails too.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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I have this girl's number, she told me it's ok if I sent her emails too.
Just text or call her.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Don't fall into the messaging trap. No matter how much someone says message me or email, just wait until they are free to have a quick chat.
Keep it short and sweet and do all the talking for the first few dates in person. Otherwise you'll end up as messaging buddies and that's a fate worse than death...
electricshake
Member
What did you say? Hopefully it wasn't this:
Just ask her out on a date and do your talking there. How many times have you been out?
I'm learning so much here lol
Royal_Phalanx
Member
How do you flirt, especially with a girl who you know very little about? What happened with club girl in my last post is another classic example of me falling flat on my face after starting out well. I'm terrible at this, she might have turned out to be interested in banging if I was any good at conveying sexual interest.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Woah I think I just got my first online date. It didn't even take that long. Really cute girl who I've been chatting to this morning, she said "don't think I've got a higher match % on here" to which I took a leap and replied that warranted a drink sometime. She said "definitely".
Not getting my hopes up but it's made me feel silly how easy that was! Only took me a year of on/off Online Dating... Had another mutual match with a different girl but she's 35 miles away, and I don't drive.
Not getting my hopes up but it's made me feel silly how easy that was! Only took me a year of on/off Online Dating... Had another mutual match with a different girl but she's 35 miles away, and I don't drive.
Well, next semester starts tomorrow. Many opportunities, and what I gathered from recent replies in this thread, I want to stick to numbers for calls and be lax when it comes to texting. aka talking is more intimate, and test less to be desirable. I just need to have a game plan, and get used to flirting on the spot.
Currently saving up for a car btw. I think I'll join this community and help others as I also step it up.
Currently saving up for a car btw. I think I'll join this community and help others as I also step it up.
I'm not sure why, but now that things are seemingly going well I'm starting to panic? I guess I don't feel ready for something long-term, even if I'm unsure on whether she wants that or not.
She's older than me so that's why I'm jumping to conclusions, but I'm probably being incredibly illogical about it all.
Ughhh.
She's older than me so that's why I'm jumping to conclusions, but I'm probably being incredibly illogical about it all.
Ughhh.
ZackieChan
Member
Not since the 90s.
Is this for the same girl who's going on vacation and staying with her ex for a week? And with whom you've been on two dates? Please don't tell me you're using the letter to tell her how much you like her.
A handwritten note is cute for couples. You're not yet a couple.
davidwhangchoi
Member
i wrote one in third grade, i wrote all the letters in reverse to use with a mirror. ah the memories.
I had an ex that would leave me hand written letters in my mail box, it was after we had broken up and was also super creepy. she wanted me back and it was desperate.
Write letters only when you're an established couple and she's really into you and such things. You're not established, it can go either way with what I've read from you.
DatingGAF, do you have any true stories of people who have come through some really horrible things in life and still made it through to the other side, found stability, built lasting friendships and found happiness with another person?
How do you break past that barrier of shutting out from people and the world? Has anyone here been through anything that stunted them in human relations but were able to generally get themself back out there?
How do you break past that barrier of shutting out from people and the world? Has anyone here been through anything that stunted them in human relations but were able to generally get themself back out there?
I don't know what your standard is for "really horrible", but I definitely went through some shit in my teens/twenties that caused me to withdraw from the world almost entirely. If you're curious as to the exact details, PM me. It helps to vent. To get an idea of how bad I was, for 12 years I was either at school, work, or at home. Friends, barely. Dates, out of the question. Most of my social interaction was through World of Warcraft...
How'd I fix it?
- I realized how in control of my own destiny I really am. If I didn't want to put up with some shit, I don't have to.
- Moved. The old place chained me to an old way of thinking. New environment freed me.
- Self-improvement. Wanted to prove to myself (and the person who did me wrong) that I was worth a damn.
- Therapy. Helped sort out my faults, told me stuff wasn't all my fault, built up my self-estreem, and helped ID what mistakes I did make, so I could avoid them in the future.
I'm not fully "fixed", but I don't think anyone truly is. I just know my body is in the best shape it's ever been, I have friends I talk to on a near daily basis, I've been on dates with girls that weren't in World of Warcraft, and I'm just generally happier.
ElephantShell
Banned
I think hand written notes and letters can be charming and cute but not this early in your interaction with her.
That's kind of a relationshipy thing in my opinion.
Ron Mexico
Member
Congrats!
One thing I don't understand-- it was a hell of a lot more work to get divorced than it was to get married.
That said-- the feeling when you get the final divorce judgement is just..a sense of clarity? Don't know how to explain it. Don't hate my ex-wife although we'll never be friends. The entire process was almost 18 months all told and were very business-like at that.
Was the best thing that ever happened to me and something I wouldn't wish on anyone at the same time.
That make sense?
stn
Member
Don't do this OR send an e-mail OR write a letter or any of that stuff. You're digging a hole for yourself. Doesn't matter what she says about liking letters, don't do it. Ask her out again, go for a date, and keep your feelings to yourself until you're at least a couple. The stuff you see pulled off in romance movies is not the script you want to follow.
Being flawed is part of being human. Some of the most wonderful people have been through some of the most devastating things. I'm glad you're doing so much better. Thanks for this.
Yeah dude I totally get it.lol
Hope this doesn't take much longer since we aren't disputing anything. 18 months is a long time man.
This thread has really opened my eyes up to the different types of people dating. It seems some of you really want to jump in head first after one date and I'm not like that.
Yes and fucking yes I have, best advice i can give you is this, if you think a girl is hitting on you or likes you. Be yourself like if you were talking to a buddy, girls like it when you don't get all gooey for them, I like to say some crazy shit to keep them on their toes, 9/10 times if they like you then it will just be friendly banter. Go on as many dates as possible and get to practicing, the best thing that is ever happened to me is hooking up with a really good looking dancer chick, she was crazy but she taught me that girls want the D and if one likes you then a lot of them like you, Girls tend to be way more shy so get after it.
Ron Mexico
Member
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Do you ask for a curriculum vitae or resume be sent to you before a date?
Nah, I stalk them on LinkedIn.
... actually, no. Anyway, yeah, I'm sure the age range really depends on what you're looking for. I certainly wouldn't turn down someone who seemed amazing just because she was 24. It's just not my go-to range. Just can't imagine having much to talk about with a typical college student, that's all.
This is true.
Yes, it would be wrong -- don't email. As we've said, just text her to set up another meeting. That both accomplishes something and communicates the fact that, indeed, you want to see her again.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
18 months does seem like forever. I remember I had to wait to be separated for 12 months before I could file and then I think it only took another month or 2 for everything to be sorted. Also no house, no kids nothing to split. As it was a marriage of less than 2 years I had to make a lot of phone calls and go to a lot of mediations and other crap. It was ridiculous. Australia here so I'm sure America is way different.
ZackieChan
Member
Who is who in that text convo?
RedVladimir
Banned
Well, it sure is easy when someone's attracted to you!
I think it was very courageous of her to initiate contact; though it being online certainly helps.
Online dating is tricky. Girls literally get assaulted in dating site by guys, doesn't matter how they look. Bad thing is, for the more "shallow" girls, it makes their selections all the more scrutinous; and these girls are often the better-looking ones. For the nice girls, though, the amount of social validation makes potential match percentage all the more important. So if she made the move herself, then that means she BELIEVES she has the right ingredients for something special: she knows a good amount about you from your profile to know you'd mesh well together, and she likes the way you look. Success.
So.. Stay relaxed throughout your interactions. Whenever in doubt, always remember she message you first. That always helps whenever you're unsure if you're moving too fast or too slow. She likes what you look like, so she agreed to meet you; you just now have to be the guy she read about on the profile: yourself. Be chill. Good luck and report back.
More details please. How long have you been together? What's the age difference, and how old are you and her, respectively? Who initiated "The Talk"? If neither, who has hinted about it? Also, where is she from (culture plays a role)?
My humble guess is, the age difference is the issue. You believe her being older will require a certain level of higher commitment due to the position you're both in, a proposition that may be a little daunting to a young guy. You're projecting an unsustainable long-term relationship to due to nature of it (age difference carries higher--at least perceived--responsibility for those involved and those around), and you may also think, subconsciously perhaps, that whatever this older gal saw in you, a younger one will (eventually) see as well, and you don't think you be able to do this for years to come. Just an educated guess.
I'm the green bubbles
Macadinho94
Member
Anyway I said I'd post my disaster of a first date a few weeks now I've a bit of time.
So the previous Sunday I was out with one of my friends having dinner, she had to catch a bus back to her parents just outside the city so I was walking to my bus stop to go home. I'm waiting at the bus stop and this beautiful girl comes up to me asking if this bus went where she needed to go. It was the stop after mine anyway so I was like yeah. We chat small talk for a minute until the bus pulls up. I get on and sit down downstairs. She gets on after me and the bus driver nearly closes the door while she's walking through it. He apologises and she sees the funny side of it. As she's walking by I make a joke something like "You'd wonder how many hands that door takes off". She laughs and then sits beside me even though there's loads of other seats on the bus. Anyway we chat for a bit. She's a college student and was heading back to her apartment after she was visiting her parents for the weekend. As I'm getting off I say "Hey I don't usually do this but can I get your number" and she gets off with me as she wouldn't have enough time to do it without the bus pulling off. We both get off and she puts her number in my phone. Since she her stop was the one right after mine I walk her to her place. I send her a quick text that evening and she responds right away (Great sign right!).
Anyway we arrange a date for the following Friday. I meet her in the city centre and having just come off a 45 hour week & was totally unprepared about what we were going to do (I know you guys will say something along the lines of "Amateurs move" and trust me I'll learn from it in the future.) Luckily on the spot I was like "We both mentioned were so behind on Xmas shopping during the week, why don't we go shopping?" So anyway, she didn't have to buy much so for the next hour or so in every shop she made a game of trying to find the most ugly/useless/wtf item in each place which was awesome. After that we decide to go get a drink. I knew this place I've been in 5 or 6 times before so I say we'll go there and she agrees. Anyway context on this place is crucial here. It's basically a bar where there's no TV's, candles literally everywhere (Like candles you'd see at a dinner in a mansion you know the type), people playing board games and like 20 different IPA beers on tap (Think of the most hipster bar you've ever been in). So we get a drink and as it's quite busy we both stand beside a counter and chat. I lean back onto the counter as I'm talking to her. Maybe 10 minutes go by and a bar man is walking by. He shouts at me "Dude your jacket is on fire". I quickly take it off and without thinking use my hand to quell the flames. I can't imagine what she was thinking but I came out with this one liner "This will probably be the most memorable first date of your life for the weirdest reason" which she finds hilarious. Anyway we have a few more drinks, I make out with her later on in the night and get a cab with her home.
Anyway since then I've gone on like 6 more dates with her and she's awesome.
TLDR; I set myself on fire during a first date yet a month later things are going great
So the previous Sunday I was out with one of my friends having dinner, she had to catch a bus back to her parents just outside the city so I was walking to my bus stop to go home. I'm waiting at the bus stop and this beautiful girl comes up to me asking if this bus went where she needed to go. It was the stop after mine anyway so I was like yeah. We chat small talk for a minute until the bus pulls up. I get on and sit down downstairs. She gets on after me and the bus driver nearly closes the door while she's walking through it. He apologises and she sees the funny side of it. As she's walking by I make a joke something like "You'd wonder how many hands that door takes off". She laughs and then sits beside me even though there's loads of other seats on the bus. Anyway we chat for a bit. She's a college student and was heading back to her apartment after she was visiting her parents for the weekend. As I'm getting off I say "Hey I don't usually do this but can I get your number" and she gets off with me as she wouldn't have enough time to do it without the bus pulling off. We both get off and she puts her number in my phone. Since she her stop was the one right after mine I walk her to her place. I send her a quick text that evening and she responds right away (Great sign right!).
Anyway we arrange a date for the following Friday. I meet her in the city centre and having just come off a 45 hour week & was totally unprepared about what we were going to do (I know you guys will say something along the lines of "Amateurs move" and trust me I'll learn from it in the future.) Luckily on the spot I was like "We both mentioned were so behind on Xmas shopping during the week, why don't we go shopping?" So anyway, she didn't have to buy much so for the next hour or so in every shop she made a game of trying to find the most ugly/useless/wtf item in each place which was awesome. After that we decide to go get a drink. I knew this place I've been in 5 or 6 times before so I say we'll go there and she agrees. Anyway context on this place is crucial here. It's basically a bar where there's no TV's, candles literally everywhere (Like candles you'd see at a dinner in a mansion you know the type), people playing board games and like 20 different IPA beers on tap (Think of the most hipster bar you've ever been in). So we get a drink and as it's quite busy we both stand beside a counter and chat. I lean back onto the counter as I'm talking to her. Maybe 10 minutes go by and a bar man is walking by. He shouts at me "Dude your jacket is on fire". I quickly take it off and without thinking use my hand to quell the flames. I can't imagine what she was thinking but I came out with this one liner "This will probably be the most memorable first date of your life for the weirdest reason" which she finds hilarious. Anyway we have a few more drinks, I make out with her later on in the night and get a cab with her home.
Anyway since then I've gone on like 6 more dates with her and she's awesome.
TLDR; I set myself on fire during a first date yet a month later things are going great
RedVladimir
Banned
How do you not just end it with something like this?
Hmm, I don't know what to make of this. A little more context would greatly help. But a couple of points:
I can already tell she's less invested in the conversation, as evidenced by her succinct and short responses. Also notice her lack of punctuation. Your punctuation is right where it should be; but if you had wow'ed this girl, she'd be aiming to mirror your texts. You may say, how could she if her short responses don't necessarily warrant punctuation. I'd then say, case in point.
This is similar to when your Boss makes a joke, and you laugh a little harder than the joke warranted because there's something to gain by it (your Boss liking you). She's not doing this.
Also, "Yeah, sure" is something a coworker says if you have some gum and you offer them one. In other words, they didn't want one, but they'll take it. Not a good response to a second date. Indifference is the kiss of death. "I'd love to!" or "Of course!" (notice the punctuation) would have been more appropriate responses from her.
And last but not least, never let her decide the second date. Always come in with a plan. Do not offer, do not ask; you should state. Add an "if you're free" to not make it seem pushy, and you're golden. A good text would have been:
"Great. I'll take you to X, I've heard their X is amazing. Pick up at 8 <if you're free>" What's in the brackets is optional, I personally don't use it. Girls that are interested in seeing me again, who are NOT able to attend at the aforementioned time, will always text back attempting to reschedule for a mutually beneficial date. Girls that do not, or simply leave the actual date up in the air with an "I'll let you know" are not that into you.
Still, if too afraid/unsure, then a simple:
"Great. I'll think of something and let you know." Would have sufficed. Then you'd send another text like the first example.
You making it explicit you're working around her schedule by asking when its good for her may be interpreted as needy, and indirectly show lack of planning. Both of which are opposite of decisiveness.
Please report back with an update, would love to see if I'm wrong about this.
Don't you just love when these one liners just come out of nowhere?!
If you marry this girl, you won't be able to wait until somebody asks how you two met. I mean, met her on a bus stop, went on a mall date (always a risky move) that ended with your jacket catching fire at a hipster bar, and then went home with her for the score?
ZackieChan
Member
You're typing more words, but saying less than she is. Just meaningless questions from a dude who isn't confident in himself. You want her to respond with a full plan for a date or something?
"Hey, I'm going see The Revenant Friday night, want to make it a date?"
Be confident and sound interesting, like you have things going on. I do the stuff you did in those texts all the time, so we're all learning.
Yeahhhh no. I've been on a second date with her and it was fun. You're way over thinking it. But, that's ok. If what you're doing is working for you keep to it. I'm not going to read between the lines with every text i receive or that I send.
ZackieChan
Member
Naw. It was in response to the poster that hasn't texted a girl he's intersted in. I don't get how that happens. It sounds like a lot of overthinking, and I'm not into that.
Anyway, about to go meet a chick for sex. Hopefully. Wish me luck GAF
Macadinho94
Member
If you marry this girl, you won't be able to wait until somebody asks how you two met. I mean, met her on a bus stop, went on a mall date (always a risky move) that ended with your jacket catching fire at a hipster bar, and then went home with her for the score?
Yeah, my hands were in bits for like 2 weeks afterwards but it'll be one hell of a story rather than the mundane "So how did you guys meet?" you hear all the time!
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
What the hell? Don't do this at all. Write her a poem. She'll love that.
RedVladimir
Banned
There's no overthinking. It's simple: If she text less than you, it's not a good sign. And you should be decisive when setting up the dates.
The long post was to explain the reasoning behind it. It still applies, to this and future interactions. How was the second date? Did it all work out?
I once was talking to this girl online who gave maddeningly short, few word replies. We were in different cities, I was out drinking in hers, sent her a text and she literally dropped what she was doing to have a drink with me then and there. I didn't even have to ask.
I've also had girls who've given me lengthy text replies and seemed interested only to be hit with "so sorry I'm busy for the month" when I asked them to have a drink.
In other words - as long as she's making time for you, who cares?
I've also had girls who've given me lengthy text replies and seemed interested only to be hit with "so sorry I'm busy for the month" when I asked them to have a drink.
In other words - as long as she's making time for you, who cares?
Hey man thanks for the reply. The thing is i actually have female friends i talk to them all the time face to face no issues. But when one of them starts to act differently and i get a sense of whats going on i automatically stop talking/ignoring, No idea why i do this but i have done it so many times over and over. Sadly i think its the fact i dont know how to kiss (which is lame i know) and the fear that i will get around my group of friends.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
although I'm keeping my expectations in check with a girl this Friday, she has been writing a lot, taking about wine, football, etc. when I asked her if she liked sushi and we can go to place X, she didn't just write yes or no. She wrote a long text telling me what kind she likes, and that we can do Friday.
Edit-thinking about it now, the last girl gave short texts, but before blowing it with her, she agreed to three dates with me. Woudlve been four if I didn't fuck it up.
So yeah, it could just work both ways.
Edit-thinking about it now, the last girl gave short texts, but before blowing it with her, she agreed to three dates with me. Woudlve been four if I didn't fuck it up.
So yeah, it could just work both ways.
Just get a good feel for it. In general, short text aren't a good sign, but if it has energy or you can sense interest, it's not a problem at all.
I was blinded at the time and didn't notice this with my last attempt. Looking back, her text were all lifeless except for the emoticons lol.
I was blinded at the time and didn't notice this with my last attempt. Looking back, her text were all lifeless except for the emoticons lol.
Despite knowing that I shouldn't think about it, getting rejected is so old that I wonder what my motivations are half the time when I'm 'working on myself' or whatever you want to call that bullshit.
Like, dunno why I'm even losing weight, or why I want to travel or whatever. I just feel pathetic and everything I've done is a fucking lie to hide the fact that I'm just an undesirable person.
Like, dunno why I'm even losing weight, or why I want to travel or whatever. I just feel pathetic and everything I've done is a fucking lie to hide the fact that I'm just an undesirable person.
ZackieChan
Member
Haha, don't do that either.
That's not true at all. But the point of working on yourself is to get YOU comfortable with yourself as a person. Not to make you more desirable to others. You have extreme self esteem and self confidence issues. That much is clear from the various threads you've made here. Use your health insurance and see a therapist! And keep working on yourself so that you'll like yourself.
Man, after going about it for the last few hours, I really can't argue that.
But it sucks. Like I've done all these things to better myself, so I can feel happier about myself, you know? Yet here I am whining and shit. It sucks that if it's the reality that I do have such issues despite working on myself, then what else can I do? I used to go to therapy and even considered going back because I was in a happier state of mind and wanted to get a better grip on myself, but I don't even know if therapy will work anymore.
Interface23
Member
So this NYC thing apparently is something she was super serious about. So that's a thing.
ZackieChan
Member
It certainly won't make it worse. I'd give it a try.
Update on this post. Turns out Gaf was wrong, i was definitely not friend zoned. Went over there yesterday and ended up having sex all night.
If you're bettering yourself in all aspects in your life just to appeal to women instead of making yourself happy then yes, you are an undesirable person.
Come on, man.
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