ZackieChan
Member
I wouldn't go that far, but it's just a matter of reasons and priorities.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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I wouldn't go that far, but it's just a matter of reasons and priorities.
Krauser Kat
Member
Went on a date on friday. Was chatting all day i sent her one of my signature sketches. We met up at the cool bar by her. Got there at 640 and we were talking until 1030. I took her home, and we hugged. She was a little shy i think.
She was amazing though. I think i am going to see how this pans out.
We got together again on sunday for food and a movie. The conversation was awesome again. Like way way to good. Saw the big short (awesome) we ended up holding hands. i wasnt expecting much. I dropped her off and we have a pretty great kiss and proceeded to talk the rest of the night. It was the most fun i have had in awhile, great conversation is such a fucking drug.
She was amazing though. I think i am going to see how this pans out.
We got together again on sunday for food and a movie. The conversation was awesome again. Like way way to good. Saw the big short (awesome) we ended up holding hands. i wasnt expecting much. I dropped her off and we have a pretty great kiss and proceeded to talk the rest of the night. It was the most fun i have had in awhile, great conversation is such a fucking drug.
Gotdatmoney
Member
No, I disagree with this. If people want to have success in the dating game then it requires them to do things they may otherwise not do. You can be an entirely happy person already and not have success in datimg. The default advice of better youself is not always valid. Doing things because you want a relationship doesn't make you undesireable. Why is anyone even here if it wasn't about betteromg themselves?
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Have to agree with this. If for example, what makes you happy is being a WoW addict who's a shut in, you really do need to completely reinvent yourself.
Met a girl on saturday who is a friend of a friend who had his birthday that day. She's cute, nice and is a gamer girl to boot. Didn't get the chance to ask for her number though, we eventually moved on to a club in a large group and she left early. I was somewhere else talking to some other girl then, so I wasn't around. We seemed to get along well, she suggested I join her for comic con next month much earlier on in the day when we were at a restaurant. My friend's going to that too, so hopefully I can get it then.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Agreed. I feel there is no reason to act like if you are bettering yourself because you want to have a companion makes you undesireable. Says who? People who aren't willing to make changes to get what they want stay stagnant and never achieve their goals.
As an example, I've had to actively force myself to just talk to people in new settings. I never use to do this. I was perfectly content sticking to people I knew. But the reality was if you can't get out and make an effort to meet new people you are not going to have success. So that meant trying to be social even when I didnt really want to. It was a reality. But I hardly would sit and say my space in the dating game is undesireable because of it. Well the reault sure as hell paint a different picture.anyway.
There is nothing wrong with taking a look in the mirror and saying "I need to change things to get to where I want".
UnObtainium17
Member
Congrats on the sex. 🎉
davidwhangchoi
Member
what? i get no credit? don't really care re: sleeping w/ her but hope the relationship works w/ you and her.
Yeah actually you gave solid advice, thanks.
And yeah, we had a conversation about where it was going. She asked me beforehand if i was looking for a long term relationship or just a fling, and i said I'd prefer something more long term. I think things are going to work out pretty well.
Congrats on the sex!
Thing you gotta remember with gaf, we offer advice based on the 1% of the entire story that gets posted. The scenario described (dinner, movies, bowling, coffee for 2-3 months, "but isn't looking for a relationship", initially denies you a kiss) fits friendzoning to a T. There may have been microreactions and things going on you didn't consciously notice that inferred a higher level of interest. Maybe the girl is ultra-reserved and takes awhile to warm up to someone. Maybe the holidays and impending Valentine's day made her more receptive to a relationship. Or maybe it was just an exception. Who knows. Congrats either way!
Ok so that date with the girl I mentioned the other day was a success I'd say but thinking on it more I don't really find her very attractive which is a bit awkward. I did invite her to a 30-ish person party one of my friends was having but she said her best friend had just gotten through a breakup and they were gonna go drinking together and apologized, I just said it was cool but haven't texted her again and I don't think I should haha.
I feel kind of like a jerk honestly because talking to her was cool and we seemed to click but I just really don't find her attractive which makes for potential awkwardness? Like she made jokes about being fat and I laughed but didn't really know what I was supposed to say to that :xx I don't like that being the one hangup. Oh well. Y'all tell me if I'm being dumb.
Tinder's otherwise been pretty lit but I'm getting bored of it again haha. I'm just not really interested in hooking up for a one night thing and that's mostly what people like it for.
In other news tho this one girl in my Arabic class mentioned today during class that she does standup at a local bar- I'm gonna ask her for details on that tomorrow and go see her perform on Wednesday. I'll ask to buy her a drink (both underage so I'll be cute about it and get a non-alcoholic drink lol) or something after she finishes, I dunno. She looks almost like an Arab Emma Stone which is pretty rad hahaha.
This story is amazing
I got broken up with the night after I tried writing a poem for the last girl I dated LOL
Whitman I am not
I feel kind of like a jerk honestly because talking to her was cool and we seemed to click but I just really don't find her attractive which makes for potential awkwardness? Like she made jokes about being fat and I laughed but didn't really know what I was supposed to say to that :xx I don't like that being the one hangup. Oh well. Y'all tell me if I'm being dumb.
Tinder's otherwise been pretty lit but I'm getting bored of it again haha. I'm just not really interested in hooking up for a one night thing and that's mostly what people like it for.
In other news tho this one girl in my Arabic class mentioned today during class that she does standup at a local bar- I'm gonna ask her for details on that tomorrow and go see her perform on Wednesday. I'll ask to buy her a drink (both underage so I'll be cute about it and get a non-alcoholic drink lol) or something after she finishes, I dunno. She looks almost like an Arab Emma Stone which is pretty rad hahaha.
Anyway I said I'd post my disaster of a first date a few weeks now I've a bit of time.
So the previous Sunday I was out with one of my friends having dinner, she had to catch a bus back to her parents just outside the city so I was walking to my bus stop to go home. I'm waiting at the bus stop and this beautiful girl comes up to me asking if this bus went where she needed to go. It was the stop after mine anyway so I was like yeah. We chat small talk for a minute until the bus pulls up. I get on and sit down downstairs. She gets on after me and the bus driver nearly closes the door while she's walking through it. He apologises and she sees the funny side of it. As she's walking by I make a joke something like "You'd wonder how many hands that door takes off". She laughs and then sits beside me even though there's loads of other seats on the bus. Anyway we chat for a bit. She's a college student and was heading back to her apartment after she was visiting her parents for the weekend. As I'm getting off I say "Hey I don't usually do this but can I get your number" and she gets off with me as she wouldn't have enough time to do it without the bus pulling off. We both get off and she puts her number in my phone. Since she her stop was the one right after mine I walk her to her place. I send her a quick text that evening and she responds right away (Great sign right!).
Anyway we arrange a date for the following Friday. I meet her in the city centre and having just come off a 45 hour week & was totally unprepared about what we were going to do (I know you guys will say something along the lines of "Amateurs move" and trust me I'll learn from it in the future.) Luckily on the spot I was like "We both mentioned were so behind on Xmas shopping during the week, why don't we go shopping?" So anyway, she didn't have to buy much so for the next hour or so in every shop she made a game of trying to find the most ugly/useless/wtf item in each place which was awesome. After that we decide to go get a drink. I knew this place I've been in 5 or 6 times before so I say we'll go there and she agrees. Anyway context on this place is crucial here. It's basically a bar where there's no TV's, candles literally everywhere (Like candles you'd see at a dinner in a mansion you know the type), people playing board games and like 20 different IPA beers on tap (Think of the most hipster bar you've ever been in). So we get a drink and as it's quite busy we both stand beside a counter and chat. I lean back onto the counter as I'm talking to her. Maybe 10 minutes go by and a bar man is walking by. He shouts at me "Dude your jacket is on fire". I quickly take it off and without thinking use my hand to quell the flames. I can't imagine what she was thinking but I came out with this one liner "This will probably be the most memorable first date of your life for the weirdest reason" which she finds hilarious. Anyway we have a few more drinks, I make out with her later on in the night and get a cab with her home.
Anyway since then I've gone on like 6 more dates with her and she's awesome.
TLDR; I set myself on fire during a first date yet a month later things are going great
This story is amazing
I got broken up with the night after I tried writing a poem for the last girl I dated LOL
Whitman I am not
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Well she seems completely open to the idea of meeting for a coffee, which seems like a nice standard thing to do (I've been on three first dates in the last year, one with a girl I didn't know except from the fact we briefly worked in the same store, one with a friend-turned date-turned friend again, and one with a girl I used to go to high school with). This will be the first time I'm dating somebody brand new. Which is really exciting. And also scary!
EDIT: And she just asked for my number, daaayum.
That went way better than expected. Played pool for just under two hours, during which conversation was a bit stiff, but I did my best to goof off so it was fine in the end. Walked to her farthest bus stop inside the city core, then I waited with her for her bus for about twenty minutes. Went in for a kiss when she was getting on the bus, was greeeeat. Damn I'm kinda over the moon here. Now to keep this excitement in check which I haven't done properly before.
Krauser Kat
Member
fuuuuuuck me. I dont know what to do.
imma just fade away after that.
her family knows she wanted to see someone but couldnt afford it.
I hope she doesnt do something stupid.
imma just fade away after that.
her family knows she wanted to see someone but couldnt afford it.
I hope she doesnt do something stupid.
User 479360
Banned
So, I seem to have a second date with a girl I met on OkCupid! We met the other night, and had a two hour coffee date. Or thereabouts.
She opened up to me about a family death, which she said she finds it hard to talk about, and apologized for being a downer but I told her not to. She was very nice, easy to talk to and great overall.
She hinted at a second date a couple of times, and asked me if I was looking for something longterm during general conversation. We hugged at the end, and she texted me when she got home as I asked.
She apologized, but said she had to head home because it'd been a long day and she was really tired -- which was obvious. We've continued texting everyday since.
She opened up to me about a family death, which she said she finds it hard to talk about, and apologized for being a downer but I told her not to. She was very nice, easy to talk to and great overall.
She hinted at a second date a couple of times, and asked me if I was looking for something longterm during general conversation. We hugged at the end, and she texted me when she got home as I asked.
She apologized, but said she had to head home because it'd been a long day and she was really tired -- which was obvious. We've continued texting everyday since.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
seems sketch. I'd tread carefully.
User 479360
Banned
Wot? How so?
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I don't know. The whole opening up about family death and if you're looking for a long term relationship. What did you tell her when she asked you that?
Just from experience, I've opened up like that on the first date, which wasn't the time or place.
I guess not all outcomes are the same.
Just from experience, I've opened up like that on the first date, which wasn't the time or place.
I guess not all outcomes are the same.
User 479360
Banned
I'm too open and need to work on that. I spend a lot of my days looking after a parent who has had health issues in the past, and is disabled as a result, so I mentioned that. I'm not working, so I wanted to be honest.
She hinted at the passing of her family member, but didn't feel comfortable about it. Then I told her that my grandmother was in the hospital and she mentioned it via text, and she talked about them on the date.
I didn't mind, as I know it's hard and would do anything to help.
This is a normal, smart girl with a good head on her shoulders.
davidwhangchoi
Member
yeah, i'm glad you stuck with it. just be prepared before she graduates; find out her plans if she' going back to Canada. She sounds responsible and focused on her career. but if that's over due to distance you may get hung up.
if it doesn't work out and you're looking for advice on the instant dating scene that's common conversation on here:
i recommend RedVladimir, (quoted here) based on just reading the posts on here, he knows what he's taking about. he's money.
i'm a bit more laid back and traditional so i'll give opposite advice, but he's good. i commented on your situation as it seemed more long term not just getting in her pants and out. alright thanks for sharing.
Eh, sometimes people click. I'd say generally YOU shouldn't be the one to bring that stuff up because it has the potential to scare people off, but if a girl opened up like that to me and I still felt like we had a connection it's much more of a pro than a turn off for me. I really appreciate when people drop pretenses and are real with each other, it's why I'm studying psychology haha.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Ok, and? I have PhDs in psychology and parapsychology.
Oh well hey props I didn't know you were older than me
Not trying to shit on you, jeez, just saying some people appreciate it when others open up to them.
Edit - just to clarify I agree that it's generally something you don't want to bring up but I disagree that it's an immediate red flag if you get that from someone else, especially since in this case they seem to have clicked really well
The biggest problem with Chewie's story is they've been texting daily, but there's no mention of second date plans. C'mon man, get on that!
As someone who had brought up family death during a date before (most of my stories don't make sense without mentioning it)...90% of the time it drains the energy from a date. 10%, the girl looks past it and recognizes the resilience and strength from dealing with it.
As someone who had brought up family death during a date before (most of my stories don't make sense without mentioning it)...90% of the time it drains the energy from a date. 10%, the girl looks past it and recognizes the resilience and strength from dealing with it.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I was joking.
And about that age thing, a fine 24 year old brunette working on her doctorates messaged me first. We are having a great conversation. And she's smittened by my awesome body.
And about that age thing, a fine 24 year old brunette working on her doctorates messaged me first. We are having a great conversation. And she's smittened by my awesome body.
User 479360
Banned
We each had stories about family issues that were brought up, and neither of us seemed to mind it. She said she had a great time, and the date lasted 2 hours. Plus, she keeps texting.
I asked her about a second date last night. It took her a bit to reply, and she apologized because she was painting her floor in the basement, but she said that she was interested. She's busy Friday, but should be free on Saturday or Sunday, or early next week.
I have a funeral on Thursday.
Another girl I was talking to for quite a while on OKC had mentioned wanting to meet, but she kind of stopped replying and would just send messages here and there. I just got up and saw a message from her asking if I'd like to meet.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Ugh. Girl from last night unmatched me when I woke up this morning. Amazing quick turn of events, lol! She messaged me first while I was watching Star Wars, I tell her I'm in the theater, and will message her later. She asks what movie, says she loved it, and she loves movies in general.
I get home, we message each other for a few hours. She's really into me, I'm making her laugh, and says how I'm making her smile.
I did ask for her to text me in the beginning, but she said not yet, because she wasn't sure if she was dealing with a crazy person. I said fine, understandable. Whenever you're ready.
Near the end of our convo for the night, I throw out my number again, but she said it's still too early, but we'll talk again tomorrow. I say perfect, and we'll figure out a time and day to meet up.
Heh, maybe I spooked her. Yeah, the general rule of thumb is to give out your number with few texting going on, but I guess some girls would rather feel more comfortable and wait, getting to know the other person before the phone text.
I get home, we message each other for a few hours. She's really into me, I'm making her laugh, and says how I'm making her smile.
I did ask for her to text me in the beginning, but she said not yet, because she wasn't sure if she was dealing with a crazy person. I said fine, understandable. Whenever you're ready.
Near the end of our convo for the night, I throw out my number again, but she said it's still too early, but we'll talk again tomorrow. I say perfect, and we'll figure out a time and day to meet up.
Heh, maybe I spooked her. Yeah, the general rule of thumb is to give out your number with few texting going on, but I guess some girls would rather feel more comfortable and wait, getting to know the other person before the phone text.
hrm.. so you gave her your number, she said she wasn't ready, then you gave it to her AGAIN, then you mentioned meeting up in person?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
She was never going to meet up. The idea of being "ready" to meet someone in a public place for an hourlong coffee date - or just even grabbing drinks - is ridiculous for adults who claim to be ready for dating.
It's entirely possible he's misreading the situation, but I've never had anyone decline a meeting, and offering a number is not exactly offensive or troubling behavior.
Happens, man.
I've had a girl plan a meetup with me and then she bailed and ghosted me completely without saying a word. Seemed super into me.
Onto the next one.
Macadinho94
Member
Yeah you followed what you should do immediately on Tinder, get off it ASAP after a few messages whether it's What'sApp, messages in general or Facebook. She was probably one of those girls that use Tinder due to pure boredom, I've had that happen a couple of times to me where it turns out they're in a relationship already.
Yeah judging from what he wrote it seems she was just hesitant about the idea of meeting someone from Tinder in general. Which has nothing to do with him personally.
I had a similar convo a while back (didn't go on as long or as well) where I asked a girl what area she lived in and she said something like, I don't know you well, is it OK to tell you later? I said whatever, but surprise surprise, she outright deletes her account shortly after. Sucks but it happens, and it had nothing to do with me.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
She was saying how amazing my body is, twice actually, said how it was a turn on that I'm interviewing with the secret service, etc. she asked my height because she's 5'10. we were being sarcastic with each other....
I mean she's 24 and I'm 33. I dunno. I had a girl before meeting up ask me to take a pic of myself so she knew I wasn't someone else. Actually it happened twice.
I guess it wasn't smart to suggest throwing out my number again when she became more comfortable.
But yeah. Tinder is window shopping. Is what's app another dating app?
Damn a 24 year old doctorate student in occupational therapy. She even joked about that saying no, and I cannot find you a job! Heh.
I mean she's 24 and I'm 33. I dunno. I had a girl before meeting up ask me to take a pic of myself so she knew I wasn't someone else. Actually it happened twice.
I guess it wasn't smart to suggest throwing out my number again when she became more comfortable.
But yeah. Tinder is window shopping. Is what's app another dating app?
Damn a 24 year old doctorate student in occupational therapy. She even joked about that saying no, and I cannot find you a job! Heh.
Macadinho94
Member
Nah, just a messaging/call app done over an internet connection. Saves money when you've a load of data but little minutes.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
This is what I'm thinking too. Though she did ask where I live. She said she lived in downtown X, and that we're not far from each other.
Either way, it's done.
So, asked the girl from NYE and another night if she wanted to hangout sometime this week...she said sure and then proceeded to tell me she is now seeing someone. lol.
It's wasn't serious, but now it is.
On the flip side, I have a message thread going with a cutie. Going to try and plan a coffee date sometime this week. And another girl in my town I know from school. possibly another one that I ended up ghosting the other day. I mean, I guess her backing out of the 'thing' doesn't seem so back anymore.
edit: she said we can still hang out (lol), not sure if that's a good idea?
It's wasn't serious, but now it is.
On the flip side, I have a message thread going with a cutie. Going to try and plan a coffee date sometime this week. And another girl in my town I know from school. possibly another one that I ended up ghosting the other day. I mean, I guess her backing out of the 'thing' doesn't seem so back anymore.
edit: she said we can still hang out (lol), not sure if that's a good idea?
Psychoward
Banned
Help. I slept with a girl the first weekend of college this year after talking for about an hour and she seemed cool but she was in an open relationship and that night basically told me she felt weird about it and it would be best if she didn't do it again. Seemed like a pretty cut and dry one night stand situation. I got in to a 2.5 month relationship a little bit after that ended in early December and then in January the girl randomly friended me on Facebook. Today I started messaging her about stuff and she's doing a good job of responding and is even doing those little things like adding 4 letters more on to the ends of words or whatever bs girls do these days.
She's really pretty and I wanna meet up again but I don't wanna be weird about it or misinterpret stuff. I'm not sure if I wanna get in to another relationship though. What do I do here. Like I'd be cool becoming friends, or being fwb, or hell even going back to the not talking thing we had before or meeting up as an informal date - I just don't wanna make it weird.
Edit: also just to be 100% sure I should absolutely never ever ask her why she friend-ed me right? I'm curious but I feel like asking blatantly is a terrible idea.
She's really pretty and I wanna meet up again but I don't wanna be weird about it or misinterpret stuff. I'm not sure if I wanna get in to another relationship though. What do I do here. Like I'd be cool becoming friends, or being fwb, or hell even going back to the not talking thing we had before or meeting up as an informal date - I just don't wanna make it weird.
Edit: also just to be 100% sure I should absolutely never ever ask her why she friend-ed me right? I'm curious but I feel like asking blatantly is a terrible idea.
Count Dookkake
Member
The Importance of Female Friends*
Today, I went for coffee with an "old" friend. I use quotes because although I've known her for about 12 years, she's about 10 years younger than me. Over the years, we've flirted a lot, but she's always been resolute in her desire to just be friends.
Anyway, my friend works part time at this coffee shop. The barista on duty was someone I've seen around at parties and shows. I think she is very attractive. I told this to my friend who was like DUH. Without missing a beat my friend says to her "Hey, you doing anything this weekend?"
She says no.
"You wanna go out with Dookkake?"
She blushes and answers in the affirmative. Date set for Friday.
So, dudes, do not take rejection as a loss. You might make a friend who can be valuable wingman.
*They are also good for other things, but that's not the point here.
Today, I went for coffee with an "old" friend. I use quotes because although I've known her for about 12 years, she's about 10 years younger than me. Over the years, we've flirted a lot, but she's always been resolute in her desire to just be friends.
Anyway, my friend works part time at this coffee shop. The barista on duty was someone I've seen around at parties and shows. I think she is very attractive. I told this to my friend who was like DUH. Without missing a beat my friend says to her "Hey, you doing anything this weekend?"
She says no.
"You wanna go out with Dookkake?"
She blushes and answers in the affirmative. Date set for Friday.
So, dudes, do not take rejection as a loss. You might make a friend who can be valuable wingman.
*They are also good for other things, but that's not the point here.
RedVladimir
Banned
It had absolutely everything to do with you.
Girls that don't know you cannot dislike who you are, but they certainly can dislike what you are. The trick to a fulfilling romantic life is (well, stay away from online dating sites and approach girls on the street for starters), is to be comfortable that what you are (not) makes you who you are. Identity is not the same as persona.
However, if you were Brad Pitt, she wouldn't have done that. The idea is to recognize this as fact, and then realize what makes you who you are is better than being Brad Pitt. Can you imagine how happy and confident with yourself do you have to be to think that way? It is no wonder these are the guys that girls naturally gravitate towards.
So the eagerness to defend the ego by blaming her or some external factor is, in the end, an exercise in self-deception. A confident man who posses the aforementioned qualities simply chalks it up to her loss. Not "it wasn't because of me."
I'm sure there are girls out there that send 2-3 word texts and are willing to go out with you. Those would be introverted girls; they see major displays of attention as signs of overeinvestment. Their interest in you may be high, but they can't let you know that. If you are the right guy, you'll go after her anyway. As it should be.
But you never work off the exception; you work off the rule. You don't have to get to the minutiae such as whether she uses punctuation or not; while it's a good scientific exercise on its own, you certainly don't want to be in the middle of an interesting conversation wondering how many characters she's typed. But as a general rule of thumb: if her texts are noticeably succinct, if she consistently takes a long time to reply, if you can't "hear" her "voice" through text, etc. then she's simply less invested in this than you. You could salvage this during an actual date, but too many fail in the process.
Hold on. I'm confused by the Brad Pitt part. I mean i enjoy my individuality, but why wouldn't you want to be Brad Pitt?
I think I'm missing something obvious.
RedVladimir
Banned
That's your conclusion? She had you once and that's all she needed? No girl ever gets into a open relationship for the benefit of the boyfriend, its very much for her. "Hey beloved boyfriend, you are not getting enough at home, let's turn this into an open relationship because clearly I'm not enough for you!" No, this is about her having plausible deniability to "cheat" on her guy while she makes up her mind. She will make up her mind once she find a LTR-worthy guy. And you are right, that's not you (for whatever reason). You are right in moving on. But just realize something may happened that night that prevented this being an ongoing thing--I assure you, guilt is not the culprit here. Can't tell what with the details provided though.
Why?
She's invested. She could have faced rejection after messaging you. How does she know you don't probably have a GF? It took courage, and courage implies care.
That's because you don't.
Making it weird is nice guy code-word for "I don't want to get hurt and feel awkward by telling her what I really want."
There is nothing weird about wanting a FWB situation (which is what you want, by the way) and being forward about it. Decisiveness is attractive. Hell, if anything, you'd be doing half the job for her; after all, she reignited the conversation between you and her with no possible knowledge of your relationship status. Potential rejection was high. Girls usually only approach guys once they're comfortable with them.
Use this knowledge to understand that, in the end, you are giving her what she wants: your attention. Your attention, however, on your terms. As in, do not contort your desire. If what you want is a FWB situation, don't settle for friendship. You don't want to be friends with someone you find "really pretty". That's a inherently disingenuous relationship. If her desire doesn't align with yours, then you should move on.
So, you can initiate with something like this:
You: "Hey there"
Her: "Hi!"
You: "Do you have a curfew?"
Her: "No lol" / "No that I know of lol" / "What? No lol"
Her: "Why?"
You: "In case we run late"
Her: "Where are we going?" / "What are we doing?"
You: " " <wait an hour or so, she may text wanting to know>
You: "It's a surprise"
Then plan a date, preferably one that can lead to nice conversation and touching. A lounge, a park, or at your place. Doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be intimate. Make it clear with your body language why she's there. And if necessary, verbalize it.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yay. I get to be the counterpoint. Anyway, I agree with a good portion of this, but in many instances, there really are external factors at play. Yes, the correct end result is "her loss"; I agree with that. But if you're on the horns of a binary dilemma (i.e., if you must intellectually choose between "it wasn't because of me" and "it was something I did"), and objective self-assessment leads you to the former conclusion, then it's an acceptable result.
There's value in realizing that you did nothing wrong and followed the "script" well enough. On the other hand, a lack of objectivity might lead you to blame someone wrongly. In the case at issue, I stand by my earlier conclusion: offering a phone number for texting twice during an apparently flirty, sex-oriented conversation isn't a mistake.
I guess the synthesis is this: sometimes it can have everything to do with you (other times, not at all), but you can still act appropriately. In those cases, chalk it up to an experience and move on.
RedVladimir
Banned
I said it in the post:
Trust me, the college QB is not on Dating Threads pondering about what'd be like to be Brad Pitt. Not when his phone is buzzing from 8s and 9s trying to get a hold of him.
His looks help, sure, but it's his happiness and confidence in who he is. You have to really like yourself and know your value. Some guys are born to be 6'4 with excellent height-to-weight ratio and above average looks. Some of them are born into money too; it's almost like the universe giving the finger to that kid in Africa dying of Malaria or hunger. Like, really, could that guy not have been born into better conditions?
But whether you are born into it or you work for it (as is the case for 90% of the population), once you reach that almost "Zen" state of utter confidence and happiness, people, especially women, will gravitate towards you. That's something that even looking like Brad Pitt won't grant you.
Interesting. Recently, I've been questioning whether or not pursuing happiness as an object or a state is erroneous and pondering if happiness is simply a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction in a moment of time, that passes and comes back whenever.
I ask: how does one reach that zen?
stn
Member
Start asking so many girls out that it makes you numb to rejection. Also, don't waste time thinking about how to get there and just start doing it. Not everyone can get Brad Pitt's looks, David Beckham's hair, and the perfect height of a basketball player. Some people may get the exact opposite. The question then becomes: what are you gonna do about it?
ZackieChan
Member
The real zen is looking like me, but having 21-year-old girls call you beautiful. One day, grasshoppers.
Um, a girl deleting her account after a very brief convo (we're talking 2-3 messages) has absolutely nothing to do with me. This wasn't an unmatch on Tinder (it was a different site) or her just not replying, she outright deleted her account.
To give a bit more detail - first girl was someone I met online, and despite the brief replies she was the total opposite of an introvert in person.
Second girl I mentioned, met her at my regular wine bar, and seemed very enthusiastic about talking with me and even initiated the first text an hour or two after we met (just a simple "nice meeting you, hope to see you again" convo). I ask her out for a drink the next week (and mind you, there were no other text convos in between, no chance to really screw things up), and I get so sorry I'm busy for a month.
Not to say that what you're saying doesn't have some truth to it, but I have a pretty hard time believing in absolutes when it comes to this stuff.
- Status