bail.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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bail.
^ pretty much this.
You have a track record of dating this person for a short time and then one of you just bails out. What do you think will be different this time?
If anything (and this is a reach) you might have some sort of FWB/booty call situation going on here, but both of you seem so flaky I doubt even that would work out.
You have a track record of dating this person for a short time and then one of you just bails out. What do you think will be different this time?
If anything (and this is a reach) you might have some sort of FWB/booty call situation going on here, but both of you seem so flaky I doubt even that would work out.
Psychoward
Banned
So...when does erectile dysfunction become something I should see a doctor about?
Like most guys, every once in a while I can't get hard, or maybe can't stay hard once I have an erection. Sometimes I'd be tired, or stressed out, or who knows what. But in the past few months it's been getting more and more common, and it's really affecting my relationship. My gf keeps asking if I am attracted to her (I am), and sometimes when I can't stay hard, I'll say I love her and she'll respond with "Yeah okay."
It's putting a strain on our relationship because I am stressed out about it, and she thinks it's a reflection of my feelings/attraction towards her when it's nothing to do with her. I'm 31 so it seems early to be facing this problem on a regular basis (I'd say 20%-25% of the time now).
Will a doctor give out ED prescriptions to someone my age in this circumstance? Any advice is appreciated.
Are you taking any SSRI's?
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
But but tinder is a hookup site! Forget what the girl told you ! Just empty words!
As for okc, I really don't like the site. Someone likes you and you have to pay in order to view their profile.
As for okc, I really don't like the site. Someone likes you and you have to pay in order to view their profile.
They've fixed that, I haven't seen any bots for weeks now
Miles Quaritch
Member
Unless it's changed on okc, check last viewed to see who liked you or use quick match. They used to line up the person who liked you within the first few matches.
Haven't been on there in ages, so maybe things have changed.
CitizenVectron
Member
No, no medication at all. I'm guessing my doctor will check for low testosterone, among other things? I've also heard that stress can be a big factor with ED...and yeah the last 6 months have been stressful as my gf was diagnosed with MS (though is not physically affected in any way that would impact sex or attractiveness). But there is no way to fix that stress, and to be fair the stress of the diagnosis has been fading over time as we kind of accept it and deal with it, but someone the ED still gets worse. And of course worrying about it during sex makes it even worse, etc.
It's very likely stress given the timing and the diagnosis, combined with some performance anxiety because of past attempts. The more you stress about it, the worse it'll get.
Re: MS, yeah, you can't get rid of the stressor itself, but you need to learn to cope with that stress. Sometimes it's in the back of your head even if you're not actively worrying about it.
Re: MS, yeah, you can't get rid of the stressor itself, but you need to learn to cope with that stress. Sometimes it's in the back of your head even if you're not actively worrying about it.
CitizenVectron
Member
I don't know how I can deal with that stress though, especially when it's also making my gf feel horrible. Whenever it happens she will basically shut me out and go silent, and sometimes cry, saying I don't find her attractive or don't love her. It's really hard.
startyourengine
Member
LMFAO, this is gold. that episode.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Going to a Meetup event tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck, hopefully I can meet some qt's.
hydrophilic attack
Member
It works exactly like this. If you don't know who it is within 10 or so quickmatches, you can assume you clicked "don't like" or that their account was removed.
Quickmatch is my favourite thing about OKC. It's the only site I can think of that has people that actually put effort into writing their profile presentations and the very convenient matching function.
SmackDaddy
Member
gl!
I have been doing online dating for ages. Not shit.
Took and uber with a random girl and got a date.
Keep your heads up GAF! And try to exercise your mojo off the net!
So apparently my first date went well, she said she wanted to get together again.
Now I'm working 4 night shifts in a row, so if I wake up early I could meet her in the afternoon on the weekend for like an hour. Or I could wait until I'm off work for 4 days and possibly ask her to dinner or something else next week?
Any suggestions on what my best option would be?
Now I'm working 4 night shifts in a row, so if I wake up early I could meet her in the afternoon on the weekend for like an hour. Or I could wait until I'm off work for 4 days and possibly ask her to dinner or something else next week?
Any suggestions on what my best option would be?
Etrian Oddity
Member
Interesting. I don't know how they can filter out all of them, because there was a lot. But it's good to hear you're getting a good deal from it.
Doesn't change that I never got a date from Tinder girls. They seem way flakier and more superficial.
So Tinder isn't only for hookups anymore... that's crazy. I've never heard of it in a context outside of that. Do relationships from Tinder usually come about from meeting for a hookup and then finding out after you're romantically compatible? Because that is not my preferred method of finding someone.
Also, would it be feasible for me to do a 1:1 copy of my OKC profile to a Tinder profile? I spent a lot of time writing my OKC stuff, and I don't have a Facebook right now so I can't experiment with Tinder until I set one up.
All of this sucks. I'd much rather be asexual.
Also, would it be feasible for me to do a 1:1 copy of my OKC profile to a Tinder profile? I spent a lot of time writing my OKC stuff, and I don't have a Facebook right now so I can't experiment with Tinder until I set one up.
All of this sucks. I'd much rather be asexual.
Your girlfriend seems to be the problem here more than anything. Does she have some trust or self-esteem issues? That seems like a very weird attitude to have to a physical problem.
You should probably try to educate her on this issue before you do anything else, or ask someone to do it. You could go see a doctor together for example. Otherwise she's going to keep putting you under pressure and it can only affect your efforts to get better.
luckyboyceo
Member
Weekend brunch is a really great low pressure date idea. It's a nice change of pace from prototypical evening dates as well.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Yeah I've noticed OKC has basically no new users coming in. I've been on and off for a year, and I've noticed mostly the same girls staying put (and for fairly obvious reasons).
I've been using another non-Tinder alternative and it's much better.
I've been using another non-Tinder alternative and it's much better.
Cool, I'll try that see if she's interested.
The way it usually works is that you take them on dates which do not have the added subtext of "we're going back to my apartment later". Picnics, museums, coffee dates, even drinks works. I mean it's not like you should refrain from hooking up on the third date or so, but probably not the first or even second if you're going for something more serious. But what do I know, all my attempts have ended after around two months. Here's to hoping though.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Haven't got started with Tinder, honestly. Shouldn't really bother with it until I get some good pictures to use. Going to a stylist soon, for better hair. Coming up with ways to introduce myself on it that aren't "o hai, u cute" seem a lot harder than on OkCupid because girls' bios seem a lot less detailed. It'd be so much easier if I was a girl tbh lol, I know a girl who uses Tinder and got so many likes (literally inundated) from guys just because she's cute.
hydrophilic attack
Member
So if someone who you've chatted with for a bit said she likes your quick and dirty topless bathroom mirror selfies, it's time to ask to meet up with them right?
hydragonwarrior
Member
Question for Dating GAF - how do you gauge a woman's interest?
Scenario: I was just in a cafe sitting across a good looking girl reading a psychology book.
Pretty much went like this:
1. I sit down. Notice her. Do some stuff on laptop.
2. Notice she tried to cut a granola bar with a plastic knife. Decided to grab her an actual knife instead from the cafe instead of seeing her struggle. She appreciated it and we had a laugh.
3. Later on, realize I have no pen. She lends me hers.
4. Notice she was dazing from the book, so I asked her what kind of book. The convo was pretty.. neutral. Just her into psych and pHD and what my degree was.
5. Convo officially filtered out at this part - the degree or work question literally kills my energy level because I have absolutely zero way to keep the conversation interesting.
6. Leaves in a bit, say bye to each other.
I didn't go for the number since we're in a shared cafe table, so I was a bit iffy on asking for it in a place with ppl around.
Normally this is overridden if the girl is really into me, BUT, I don't think this girl was. I feel that when a girl is into me, she's laughing and enjoying her time and smiling lots. Not the same here so I decided that it wasn't worth it. And at least a smiling rejection is less of a sting.
I turn to you GAF - what are *your* signs (specific as possible) that she's interested in wanting to hang out again and asking for the number is safe? In this case, I felt a lot of it went well but I'm wondering if perhaps I'm just bad at gauging her interest?
And bonus: how the HELL do you get out of the degree/work question? I'm a Math major and Software QA. It feels like a hellish combination to even describe and i just feel like the world's most boring man talking about it.
Scenario: I was just in a cafe sitting across a good looking girl reading a psychology book.
Pretty much went like this:
1. I sit down. Notice her. Do some stuff on laptop.
2. Notice she tried to cut a granola bar with a plastic knife. Decided to grab her an actual knife instead from the cafe instead of seeing her struggle. She appreciated it and we had a laugh.
3. Later on, realize I have no pen. She lends me hers.
4. Notice she was dazing from the book, so I asked her what kind of book. The convo was pretty.. neutral. Just her into psych and pHD and what my degree was.
5. Convo officially filtered out at this part - the degree or work question literally kills my energy level because I have absolutely zero way to keep the conversation interesting.
6. Leaves in a bit, say bye to each other.
I didn't go for the number since we're in a shared cafe table, so I was a bit iffy on asking for it in a place with ppl around.
Normally this is overridden if the girl is really into me, BUT, I don't think this girl was. I feel that when a girl is into me, she's laughing and enjoying her time and smiling lots. Not the same here so I decided that it wasn't worth it. And at least a smiling rejection is less of a sting.
I turn to you GAF - what are *your* signs (specific as possible) that she's interested in wanting to hang out again and asking for the number is safe? In this case, I felt a lot of it went well but I'm wondering if perhaps I'm just bad at gauging her interest?
And bonus: how the HELL do you get out of the degree/work question? I'm a Math major and Software QA. It feels like a hellish combination to even describe and i just feel like the world's most boring man talking about it.
I have to admit, it's pretty great when it takes over during certain times in life.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Three dates I've been on, one I saw last night for the second time (last time was October), and none of them are the girl I dated you guys know about. Not ad pretty, but even their personality, just talking to them. 
hydrophilic attack
Member
Meeting someone tomorrow. Wish me luck
Taking a lot from me not to drop some choice words for this girl who I now know only wants to talk to me when she needs me. i feel like sending her a text telling her what's what and blocking her.
Good luck. You got this.
Good luck. You got this.
So I texted a few hours ago, haven't received a response. Obviously she could be busy, but I just want to make sure I should leave it at that text?
if it's just been a few hours, just chill and don't do anything. Hell, even if it's been a few days. Over-texting is one of the easiest ways to kill your chances.
I'd leave it with the text. You don't want to come off as needy. She'll get back to you if she's feeling you.
Psychoward
Banned
went over to someone's room and brought pizza and watched a movie
all was going well, after a while of going at it I told her I had a condom if she wanted to use it, she said she wasnt planning on it so I said it was fine and went down on her for a long ass time.... she told me after that she considered oral more intimate than sex and as such didn't reciprocate
anyway, how the hell do people stay single yet continue to have an active sex life in this day and age and in college. What with alcohol being a thing, tinder existing, netflix and chill becoming a meme etc. etc.
I don't wanna be tied down but I'd also like to go out and meet people but I don't think many people would react well to sleeping around kinda and I feel like I would feel guilty about it too.
all was going well, after a while of going at it I told her I had a condom if she wanted to use it, she said she wasnt planning on it so I said it was fine and went down on her for a long ass time.... she told me after that she considered oral more intimate than sex and as such didn't reciprocate
anyway, how the hell do people stay single yet continue to have an active sex life in this day and age and in college. What with alcohol being a thing, tinder existing, netflix and chill becoming a meme etc. etc.
I don't wanna be tied down but I'd also like to go out and meet people but I don't think many people would react well to sleeping around kinda and I feel like I would feel guilty about it too.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
That's interesting. Never heard that one for not reciprocating but fine with receiving.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
As someone who's completely new to online dating (and dating in general) what happens if you meet up with someone and there's no attraction from your end? Like we've been talking, she seems perfectly nice, but from her one picture I can't gauge whether I'll find her pretty or not.
I mean obviously you don't say "I didn't think you were pretty", but what's the best way?
I mean obviously you don't say "I didn't think you were pretty", but what's the best way?
Either you call it off right now since you're so sceptical. Or you go to the date, have a good time and then text her that you didn't feel any chemistry and it'd be best if you don't see eachother again.
When I was new to dating I couldn't feel attraction to anyway. First was chemistry, and then I could tell if I was attracted to her or not. I knew she was pretty, but not if I was physically attracted to them.
I can tell now though.
ZackieChan
Member
I just stop replying to messages... 👻
Wait, have have you met her in person (1st sentence) or are you still just talking online? If you're still just talking, why not ask her out for something simple like coffee so you can check if there's physical attraction for you? Only do this if you're having a good time talking with her right now, of course.
Otherwise, be honest and say that you've figured out that there's no spark between the two of you, wish her luck, and move on.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
I haven't met her yet, we seem to get on. I'd be lying if I said physical attraction wasn't a big thing for me.
I guess in the short time I've dated I've always been the one getting told "Let's just be friends" so hypothetically wondering what it's like to be in the other position haha
Reave
Member
Anytime you're having those kind of doubts about a person, but still want to meet up to be sure, you need to immediately plan a quick and painless date idea that doesn't require sticking around for a long time.
My go-to plan used to be Starbucks. Unlike going out for dinner, which usually takes around an hour of being "stuck" with someone who wasn't attractive in person, Starbucks only took up 30 minutes of my time at the most. It's still gonna suck to have to sit with someone you don't care to know, but at least you wouldn't have to humor her for very long.
Being sexually responsible (i.e. wearing condoms, making sure you are clean, etc).
Being upfront with your intentions and not leading on the other person.
Meet up with her, see her in person, don't judge from looks alone. You could learn to love their appearence.
Psychoward
Banned
Yeah.... she said she was just bad at saying no and that's why she never stopped me... even though I asked her if she wanted me to and she said yes. Can't help but feel a little bit used plus communication in sexual stuff is kinda important....
Welp all those are covered, it's just new to me.
Ask for her Instagram so you can see more pictures of her. I do this with pretty much every girl I talk to just to see more pictures of them/see what kinda personality they have. Go from there.
hydrophilic attack
Member
That went pretty well. We seemed to get along pretty well, although she said some things that may imply incompatibility later on. She was a giant tease though. Going to be stuck with blue balls
Have another date with her lined up
Have another date with her lined up
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Got cute girl's number, asked her to get coffee with me next weekend. Wish me luck for the future. The fact that she's a trainee lawyer whilst I'm unemployed is intimidating though. She seemed really understanding about my situation though.
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