Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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ant_ said:
I've dated girls that play videogames but I personally do not like it. I much prefer dating someone with their own unique hobbies that we can do in tandem & dabble in each others hobbies.
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It's gone both ways for me.

2 girlfriends ago, she played too much. Played FFXIV so much it consumed her life.
Prior girlfriend, didn't play at all and while she said she was ok with them she could never be second to them. If she was available she didn't want to know that I might be playing a game.
 
just a minor update, the librarian showed no interest when i tried talking to her

it was just in my head. :/ oh well back to the studies
 
ant_ said:
I've dated girls that play videogames but I personally do not like it. I much prefer dating someone with their own unique hobbies that we can do in tandem & dabble in each others hobbies.
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Possibly a double edged sword, she may be disgusted by your gaming. No need to make gaming a requirement for a dating partner, though.

ssharm02 said:
just a minor update, the librarian showed no interest when i tried talking to her

it was just in my head. :/ oh well back to the studies
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Sorry to hear it. Tsundere doesn't work IRL, just remember that! You need to be outgoing and interesting/interested. You'll find someone, don't worry.
 
So the other night my friends and I went to a gentlemen's club here, and afterwards they gave me shit for not getting this stripper's number.

Is that a thing?
qHxkt.gif
I've had friends who have fucked at the strip club, but to actually get a number and wanna date one? lol
 
Oblivion said:
Okay, I feel like my luck on OKC's been even worse than usual, so I thought I'd ask for some advice. Here's ma profile:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Apoplexyglass?cf=profile

Thoughts and suggestions?
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Hey man, here are some suggestions -

1. You're not a bad looking guy at all. If you posted a couple of pictures of you in a fitting suit or well-fitting business casual, you'd kill it in the pics department. Get rid of the goatee and casual, loose-fitting clothes. Sport a sharp haircut.

2. Text is okay, but overall, things seem a little wordy. Cut down on the whole. Be more direct in your phrasing.

3. Take the "-You're just bored...." and "Oh and don't feel too intimidated..." things out. They came across as a little desperate to me.
 
Had a 2nd date Monday. She was sweet, we kissed and went to UCB but it just wasn't the right fit for me.

Three people I ghosted reached out this week. Two friended me on social media.

Have a 2nd date tomorrow karaoke singing in DTLA. First date went great.
Have a 1st date Saturday. Awesome and lined up.
 
Oblivion said:
Okay, I feel like my luck on OKC's been even worse than usual, so I thought I'd ask for some advice. Here's ma profile:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Apoplexyglass?cf=profile

Thoughts and suggestions?
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First off, I'm in Eagle Rock and also 30. Come hang and we can try to help each other on OKC. I liked your profile but then again I'm a guy with whom you're competing with. Still, keep being yourself as you come off candid. That's cool and attractive.


I'll share mine. I think it needs work. I've gotten 231 likes in a couple weeks but I don't know what that means because people don't have to read my profile. I'm not an A-Lister. Anyway… tips?


http://www.okcupid.com/profile/KevDavisG?cf=profile
 
Gamerloid said:
Well, time for me to officially ask for advice. I wasn't planning on making any moves with girls until I eatablished myself, like purchasing a car and getting a new sleek/professional wardrobe (I have two part time jobs), but she's gorgeous so I'll make an exception.

Story goes like this, I'm at work, I tutor accounting at my formal community college. I'm recovering from a sickness, but my voice is hoarse so I don't want to talk unless sometime needs tutoring assistance or whatever. Idk how these people can understand me. Anyway, later in the evening she comes in when I looked at her, she looked like someone I knew. My first crush in fact, and she even has the same name. I guess I just like girls with the specific look they have, idk I never thought about having a type or anything. Whatever the case, I coildn't talk to her with my voice, so I just put it on hold. Maybe if I see her again I'll do something, plus I could get some advice from those with an outsider perspective.

How do I talk to a girl I'm interested in in a place of work where I also feel like I'm in a position of power of her since I'm one of the tutors for the class she's in? Do I just go about it quickly so we can move on with our business? Any good tips for a recovery if she says she has a boyfriend?
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Sounds like a VERY bad idea to be honest
 
electricshake said:
Yup. I play, but my bf doesn't. Works well though, he makes music and I'll play games. Then we'll watch some Netflix together.

I had it on my okc profile that I played and so many guys focussed on that. Got a bit annoying after a while!
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Yep that happened to me too lol, so annoying. My bf plays games but not as much as I do. We watch each other play games sometimes, it's nice :3
 
hydrophilic attack said:
Sounds like a VERY bad idea to be honest
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Llyranor said:
Yeah, stay away.
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Perhaps I should elaborate on that. How it works is that you need to stay in the lab for however many hours the class requires. You sign in, and sign out and we tell you your accumulated hours until you reach the time you need. You don't actually ever have to ask for help, and even if they do, it doesn't have to be me since there's many tutors. If they need help, we just point them in the right direction, explains, and go back to our seat or help another. It's not private tutoring, unless we do that in our spare time. Perhaps saying I have power wasn't the best phrase... Not that I was be spiteful or anything if something went wrong.

Still think its a very bad idea and to stay away? I'll also be minimizing my hours as an accounting tutor to make my new junior accoutant job my primary job.
 
Gamerloid said:
How do I talk to a girl I'm interested in in a place of work where I also feel like I'm in a position of power of her since I'm one of the tutors for the class she's in? Do I just go about it quickly so we can move on with our business? Any good tips for a recovery if she says she has a boyfriend?
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You're... her tutor? You need to be careful with this. If it comes across the wrong way and is unwelcomed you could put yourself in a position of risk. I'd focus on your work. If she initiates more conversation or shows interest, consider a less formal setting like grabbing a tea or coffee somewhere public. Confirm if she wears a ring or not and you might be better off letting this one go. Just because you think she's gorgeous and want to make an exception does not mean your environment can call for that. If she doesn't approach you with maturity and interest on her end, it starts to sound like a touchy subject to want to broach.
 
n64coder said:
You look fine. The only thing I would suggest is getting some nice stylish clothes as that will increase the sex appeal.
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I'd also suggest smiling! I realize this is just a quick selfie to show us what you look like - but make sure you're smiling and not giving women this look when you make eye contact with them, haha. And especially if you're using pictures for online dating.
 
Gamerloid said:
Perhaps I should elaborate on that. How it works is that you need to stay in the lab for however many hours the class requires. You sign in, and sign out and we tell you your accumulated hours until you reach the time you need. You don't actually ever have to ask for help, and even if they do, it doesn't have to be me since there's many tutors. If they need help, we just point them in the right direction, explains, and go back to our seat or help another. It's not private tutoring, unless we do that in our spare time. Perhaps saying I have power wasn't the best phrase... Not that I was be spiteful or anything if something went wrong.

Still think its a very bad idea and to stay away? I'll also be minimizing my hours as an accounting tutor to make my new junior accoutant job my primary job.
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The possibility of ANYONE thinking you may have changed your behaviour to your students because of (attempts at) pursuing them romantically could get you into serious trouble, and doing anything would therefore be highly unethical. Someone may think that you may be giving her and her friends more help than other students, for example. The only way you could let anything come of this is to let HER initiate, and to wait until the course is over before seriously reciprocating.
 
ant_ said:
My only comment would be to remove the thing about gaming.

Don't be ashamed of your hobbies. Just say you like gaming. No need to justify it to anyone.

I say this from personal experience. I used to hide that I play games or try and pretend I liked other things more. I've lately found that the more upfront and honest/confident I am about my hobbies, the more people are interested and respectful.

And if someone's willing to discount you for that fact alone, it never would have worked out anyways.
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That is indeed a good point.


Your Entertainer said:
3. Take the "-You're just bored...." and "Oh and don't feel too intimidated..." things out. They came across as a little desperate to me.
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That "intimidated" part was there to come off a joke, but I suppose it might not come off that way to everyone. :S

User33 said:
Shave the goatee
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Your Entertainer said:
Hey man, here are some suggestions -

1. You're not a bad looking guy at all. If you posted a couple of pictures of you in a fitting suit or well-fitting business casual, you'd kill it in the pics department. Get rid of the goatee and casual, loose-fitting clothes. Sport a sharp haircut.
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Haha, no one likes the goatee. I'm not attached to it (well, I guess technically I am..) but the problem is that without it my face looks way fatter. I tried that a couple of months ago (mainly by accident) and felt like a pufferfish. D:

Kevtones said:
First off, I'm in Eagle Rock and also 30. Come hang and we can try to help each other on OKC. I liked your profile but then again I'm a guy with whom you're competing with. Still, keep being yourself as you come off candid. That's cool and attractive.
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Oh you're in Eagle Rock? Nice! L.A. gaf represent! And yeah, would totally be down to meet up. Joining forces could prove beneficial.

I'll share mine. I think it needs work. I've gotten 231 likes in a couple weeks but I don't know what that means because people don't have to read my profile. I'm not an A-Lister. Anyway… tips?
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231 likes?!?!? Good god...I got only like 35 and I've been on here since 2012!
 
The Wall said:
You're... her tutor?
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Can't exactly say her tutor. If you take an accounting or economics class and need one, I'm just one of the people you can ask if I'm currently working.

As for the rest of your post, I see what you're saying.

hydrophilic attack said:
The possibility of ANYONE thinking you may have changed your behaviour to your students because of (attempts at) pursuing them romantically could get you into serious trouble, and doing anything would therefore be highly unethical. Someone may think that you may be giving her and her friends more help than other students, for example. The only way you could let anything come of this is to let HER initiate, and to wait until the course is over before seriously reciprocating.
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This makes perfect sense, and it's actually how I would view the situation as well. Sorry if I'm coming off as stubborn, it's just that the only con so far seems to be the idea of starting a problematic situation as an employee, which makes sense, but this job isn't very professional. Probably because the lot of us that tutors are students in university, so the manager looks at us as kids. To make this short without going through the workings of this particular job, I know my manager would bizarrely encourage me, as would my female co-workers due to the kind of person I am.

I'd never jeopardize my job for something like this. If you still think it's a bad idea, I guess I'll have to highly consider just going dropping it and continue with my current goals uninterrupted.
 
I'm debating going to an anime club at my college solely to find 7/10s for easy hook ups. I hate anime. Please talk me out of this terrible idea.
 
Hatchtag said:
I'm debating going to an anime club at my college solely to find 7/10s for easy hook ups. I hate anime. Please talk me out of this terrible idea.
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Just find a girl somewhere else who likes a couple good animes like Cowboy Bebop or whatever. This has been a dilemma for me lately. I meet people who are way into one thing and nothing else and it's annoying because it makes them one-sided. Finding someone who is balanced and likes a lot of different cool things has proven really difficult for me. I don't think I'm being too unrealistic in wanting these kinds of people because I've met them before but they're definitely a rarer breed.
 
LUCKY n WILD said:
Just find a girl somewhere else who likes a couple good animes like Cowboy Bebop or whatever. This has been a dilemma for me lately. I meet people who are way into one thing and nothing else and it's annoying because it makes them one-sided. Finding someone who is balanced and likes a lot of different cool things has proven really difficult for me. I don't think I'm being too unrealistic in wanting these kinds of people because I've met them before but they're definitely a rarer breed.
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i'm kinda going for a different kind of well rounded if you catch my drift
 
Gamerloid said:
Can't exactly say her tutor. If you take an accounting or economics class and need one, I'm just one of the people you can ask if I'm currently working.

As for the rest of your post, I see what you're saying.
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I didn't know all the details before writing my response. I can actually understand where you are coming from now and why you're considering how to approach this. It seems less tricky now. The idea is, no matter what, if you take some time to get to know her and feel her out before asking her on a date for coffee or something, you could still pull off grabbing a hot drink and a chat without crossing any professionalism lines until you know there is clear, consenting interest from her end.

Treat it like a networking friendship if things go past the lab, then go from there. You never know- I just think no one here wants to see you end up in a compromising situation depending on how you approach a chance with her, etc.
 
Kevtones said:
I'll share mine. I think it needs work. I've gotten 231 likes in a couple weeks but I don't know what that means because people don't have to read my profile. I'm not an A-Lister. Anyway… tips?
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On OKC, a "Like" is like getting swiped right by someone on Tinder. Mostly means they like your pictures. If you use their quick match feature to start "liking" girls, girls who have already liked you are weighed to appear earlier in the queue. For profile text, most girls won't read that until after they've messaged them. Most important things there - keep it succinct, and keep it different from the hundreds of other guys you're competing with.
 
Gamerloid said:
Can't exactly say her tutor. If you take an accounting or economics class and need one, I'm just one of the people you can ask if I'm currently working.

As for the rest of your post, I see what you're saying.
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Maybe actually talk to her for more than a minute before going in this deep? Otherwise you'll be depressed when John bangs her.
 
Hey, it's ok if I don't call her/text her everyday, right?
I'm seeing her Monday in college, saw her two days ago (when we had sex), texted her yesterday. I don't want to seem clingy and there's nothing urgent to say right now.
 
ZombiePlatypus said:
Is this the first time they've done this? If so, I wouldn't worry too much. Could be an isolated incident.
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Yeah. This was going to be our first meet-up. She's a teacher, so who knows. Maybe she's telling the truth or not.

The way how I see it, and this isn't definitive:

1) If a girl says she wants to reschedule, she may be still be interested in you.

2) Or she could've just ignored my text, thus showing no interest.
 
Salamando said:
On OKC, a "Like" is like getting swiped right by someone on Tinder. Mostly means they like your pictures. If you use their quick match feature to start "liking" girls, girls who have already liked you are weighed to appear earlier in the queue. For profile text, most girls won't read that until after they've messaged them. Most important things there - keep it succinct, and keep it different from the hundreds of other guys you're competing with.
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Thanks man. Wonder if I should invest in A-List? Already met some interesting women. My game is strong in the message realm.
 
Kurtofan said:
Hey, it's ok if I don't call her/text her everyday, right?
I'm seeing her Monday in college, saw her two days ago (when we had sex), texted her yesterday. I don't want to seem clingy and there's nothing urgent to say right now.
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Stay off theknot.com for now. A "how's it going?" text every day or two is fine. Don't go nuts, keep the talking for your dates. Unless she wants to talk dirty...
 
Kevtones said:
Thanks man. Wonder if I should invest in A-List? Already met some interesting women. My game is strong in the message realm.
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I'd say don't do it. I had A-List for a month and it didn't really improve anything other than being able to look at a girl's profile again without seeming too interested. I stopped using OKC now anyway, basically the pool of women has decreased and I found myself just seeing who was new which was a waste of time because probably so many other guys were doing the same. I never thought I'd say this but Tinder seems better in terms of the amount of potential individuals you can meet. You just have to put a little more time into swiping and being patient especially if you're like me and live about 20 miles out from the major city.
 
Kevtones said:
Thanks man. Wonder if I should invest in A-List? Already met some interesting women. My game is strong in the message realm.
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A-List allows you to be more passive on OKC. Just need to log on once a day to keep your profile active. Then you can check exactly what girls are interested in you, Like them back to make it a match, and begin the convo. 'Course, still wouldn't hurt to send out some unsolicited messages, for those girls who avoid the quickmatch function entirely.
 
meeting a cute chinese girl for coffee in tokyo today, my first tinder date since getting here, let's see how this goes.

(i haven't gotten many matches since moving here but i LOVE how it's an easy way to meet other foreigners and english speakers. tinder was almost completely dead in the last place i lived in).
 
ZackieChan said:
Maybe actually talk to her for more than a minute before going in this deep? Otherwise you'll be depressed when John bangs her.
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LOL Don't worry, I'm nonchalant about the whole thing outcome wise or deciding on dropping it. More focused on other things, but if I'm attracted to her I'll look into it.

I should know I'm rarely initially attracted to women. I usually find an attraction after a few chats and seeing they're intelligent.
 
So one of her students went into diabetic shock. She went into details about it that's for sure. Had to call 911, and she's at the hospital. Now before she told me this, I text her saying if she was getting cold feet or isn't feeling it, then let me know. She wouldn't hurt my feelings.

She said she was really looking forward to meeting up, and she'll get back to me on either Monday or next Friday.

I always feel it isn't a coincidence, but I guess shit does happen.
 
ZackieChan said:
Texting that is the exact opposite of showing confidence. Why would you do that?
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Yeah, agreed.

I'm actually going through something similar. Last Sunday, I met up with a girl for wine and tapas; we ended up grabbing gelato, then walked around the city, and ultimately went back to her place, where I spent the night. I'll initially state that she's not a great texter and admitted it. Anyway, she seemed excited to see me again, and we set something for this weekend. I wanted something more definitive, so I suggested last night, and she was arguably noncommittal ("We can try for it"), followed by asking me for help on the law/regulatory aspects of her upcoming architectural "bar exam" in exchange for some hot cocoa. She repeatedly said, even pre-Snowblivion, that she had no plans this weekend and we'd figure things out.

So, Thursday rolls around and she cancels, really apologetically, and mentions that with the blizzard that's currently hitting DC, she should probably go grocery shopping and asked for a raincheck. I tell her sure, that makes sense, and for her to let me know when she's free. Nothing since then.

I have no interest in playing stupid texting games. (We've exchanged maybe 20, total; that's not our jam.) Tomorrow's going to be a shitshow with the snow, and I'll enjoy a day of drunken video game playing. I just don't want to unintentionally quasi-ghost her; I'm interested in seeing her again, and that's been clear, and I don't want to effectively blame her for the blizzard. Ordinarily, I know the ball's in her court, but it's weird because of her invitation and the fact that the snowstorm's derailing everything. But I'll reach out tomorrow to see if she's not frozen/starving to death.

Meanwhile, talking to other girls helps.
 
How long after you start going out with someone do you feel it's no longer ok to ghost someone? Been going out for a month and a half, 6 dates and she's ignored me for a week now. I sent one text and one call and absolutely no response... I don't think I mind it being over as much as I'm annoyed that she acted so shitty about ending it, we were hanging out really long dates and talked for a couple weeks before that so 2 months including when we met. Usually don't care but just feels shitty being almost 2 months in and all contact is cut after her last message said she could come over my place the next weekend. I think I need a break again since this one just left me super bitter, what a waste of time.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
How long after you start going out with someone do you feel it's no longer ok to ghost someone? Been going out for a month and a half, 6 dates and she's ignored me for a week now. I sent one text and one call and absolutely no response... I don't think I mind it being over as much as I'm annoyed that she acted so shitty about ending it, we were hanging out really long dates and talked for a couple weeks before that so 2 months including when we met. Usually don't care but just feels shitty being almost 2 months in and all contact is cut after her last message said she could come over my place the next weekend. I think I need a break again since this one just left me super bitter, what a waste of time.
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Some girls are just like that, and it could really get to you. If you've been dating for a month now and she blows you off for a week without responding I would be ticked. Are you guys official? I remember the first month of seeing my girlfriend before we were official she would sometimes not respond for a day or 2 max but it would be rare, and I got pretty annoyed with that. It wasn't until we made it official and fucked she never did that again. Known her for about a 3 months and have been official for a month or so. See each other every day now
 
ZackieChan said:
Texting that is the exact opposite of showing confidence. Why would you do that?
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I know, but she doesn't seem turned off by it. At least not yet. And yes, I knew that doesn't inspire confidence. I'm a very direct person with confidence.

I thought she was ghosting me after I mentioned another day, because I didn't hear back.

Well, sometimes I get lucky when they're still interested in me. :-/
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
How long after you start going out with someone do you feel it's no longer ok to ghost someone? Been going out for a month and a half, 6 dates and she's ignored me for a week now. I sent one text and one call and absolutely no response... I don't think I mind it being over as much as I'm annoyed that she acted so shitty about ending it, we were hanging out really long dates and talked for a couple weeks before that so 2 months including when we met. Usually don't care but just feels shitty being almost 2 months in and all contact is cut after her last message said she could come over my place the next weekend. I think I need a break again since this one just left me super bitter, what a waste of time.
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I think the first few dates it's ok. But ghosting and pulling the slow fade sucks big time if it's sudden when you see someone on a regular basis.

I am in the same position now. After 2 months of high interest from her, and me reciprocating the same, poof, sudden drop. Never had anyone pull this on me, and I feel much worse than I ever did when I got dumped or made a clean breakup.
 
This is around the part where I trip myself up. Met four times now, first was coffee, then pool, then hangout at my place and then movie at my place. What do I do now? It recently hit me that around this point, all my dates end up being at either of our places. I mean cuddling and sex is nice and all, but surely there has to be something more to get something serious going. Or am I wrong here?
 
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