Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
User 479360
Banned
Well, we talked over text once about the first move, and I said that I'm usually too nervous to do anything and have to muster up the courage to even hold a girl's hand. She said she's similar, and basically said, "Shit. Neither of us are going to be confident enough to make the first move." (Yes, this was likely bad practice on my part. I was trying to be endearing and sweet.) - This was after date 1. It was kind of hard to do this on date 2 anyways, given we did miniputting then had coffee.
Since I'm still not sure about this relationship, I have been talking to other girls. My friend hits on me as well, but she likes to torture me out of fun, because she knows I won't/can't do anything with her because she has a distant boyfriend.
I sent out a bunch of messages last night, and got a couple of replies. The girls aren't exactly my type physically, but we share a lot of similar interests and maybe that will change once we meet, if we do. They're both gamers and I've been talking to one quite a bit.
Another girl keeps messaging me on OkC, but she doesn't say a lot, and it's usually, "How was your day?" or "What are you up to?" She did ask me what I'm looking for tonight, though, and I told her. She said she's looking for the same thing, or at least new friends. Our conversations haven't been much though.
Also, I found the girl I 'dated' (read: had sex with on the first and second dates because she's a nympho, then was told that she had genital herpes after telling me she was clean) on OkC last night. She'd deleted me off of social media before (I'd added her and not deleted her), and last I'd heard she was pregnant and with some guy. However, I noticed that had changed. I sent her a message to ask how things were, and just got weird replies back, before noticing she deleted the profile.
Since I'm still not sure about this relationship, I have been talking to other girls. My friend hits on me as well, but she likes to torture me out of fun, because she knows I won't/can't do anything with her because she has a distant boyfriend.
I sent out a bunch of messages last night, and got a couple of replies. The girls aren't exactly my type physically, but we share a lot of similar interests and maybe that will change once we meet, if we do. They're both gamers and I've been talking to one quite a bit.
Another girl keeps messaging me on OkC, but she doesn't say a lot, and it's usually, "How was your day?" or "What are you up to?" She did ask me what I'm looking for tonight, though, and I told her. She said she's looking for the same thing, or at least new friends. Our conversations haven't been much though.
Also, I found the girl I 'dated' (read: had sex with on the first and second dates because she's a nympho, then was told that she had genital herpes after telling me she was clean) on OkC last night. She'd deleted me off of social media before (I'd added her and not deleted her), and last I'd heard she was pregnant and with some guy. However, I noticed that had changed. I sent her a message to ask how things were, and just got weird replies back, before noticing she deleted the profile.
Kurt Angle
Member
so uhhh. ... ok...I have never had a girlfriend and i'm tired of being lonely.. So online dating is the way to start, right ? The problem that I have is that I don't have my life together and yeah I look at some profiles but most of the time they want someone who has their shit together, the opposite of me.
I live in a city and I know nobody, I try to make eye contact with some girls but it seems nobody is interested in me. Fear is what stops me, I guess. I have never asked a girl out because of reasons and the fear of rejection. I plan to go to the gym next month and try to improve myself and maybe gain some confidence to just do it.
I live in a city and I know nobody, I try to make eye contact with some girls but it seems nobody is interested in me. Fear is what stops me, I guess. I have never asked a girl out because of reasons and the fear of rejection. I plan to go to the gym next month and try to improve myself and maybe gain some confidence to just do it.
User 479360
Banned
Outside of the gym part, you sound a lot like me. I'm overweight, don't have my life together and that's one thing that scares me when I date.
Many profiles say they want that, and it's only normal.
Just be honest when you can.
The thing is that I have never gone to the gym before but I have been interested in going to a gym and right now this local gym has a promo price going on, might as well start
But like I said,I have never had a girlfriend and since then I kinda stopped giving a damn or at least try, other day I talked to a coffee barista and asked her to choose a coffee for me since I couldn't decide.
I don't know if that was flirting but if it was then that was awesome. I smiled and she smiled but then again it's her job and what not. But I don't know what happens next? Know each others name ?
After sleeping on it for a full day and not hearing anything back from her, I don't think I'm going to contact the jewel artist girl again (context for Dating-Age folks: met a girl from OKC on Wednesday at a coffee shop).
I know many people say that the first date is the screening date and the second date is the real first date and that some people are shy/nervous on the first date, but I didn't click with her since our similarities ended at the art stuff and even then, our concentrations were entirely different. I think I might go back to bar dates since I noticed that while coffee shop dates are cheaper, they haven't been yielding me too much success possibly because I don't switch places.
Also, I think another girl who had given me her number lost interest in texting after I continued with light banter instead of setting up drinks/coffee for next week. I guess I'll try texting her again in the morning getting to the point about setting up a meet up day for next week . However, my fear is that I don't want to come off too strong/needy. Advice here?
Lastly, I got a 40 year old mother of two's number which is going to be pretty interesting since the oldest I've gone out with is 32. I'm not worried that she has kids since that's besides the point. I have no idea what to do but simple and cheap is the route to go until I get money again in the beginning of next month (not broke). Since she lurked on my profile because I'm an aspiring illustrator, I think art gallery hopping would be good. I'll text her in the morning.
@Armadillo, I think looking for a girlfriend because you're lonely is a bad way of looking at it. I don't have my life fully together like many people my age (late 20s) but I'm working on it and have been applying for internships, working for a yet to launch company for free, and hitting the gym among other things so it's not to say I lie in bed all day 24/7 doing nothig. However, it's a secondary/tertiary goal to other things in my life such volunteering, selling stuff, etc. so I'm doing it for fun.
I don't care about what their profiles say about guys having their shit together because they either accept you do or they don't. In the end of the day, it's not a huge deal. My advice would be to either organize a GAF meetup, attend a few meetup.com groups (I don't take my own advice here), volunteer at a few events, definitely join the gym, and get out to meet new people if your finances allow it. Even so there's plenty of free events you can attend to meet people.
As for rejection, I'm sure you've been rejected by jobs you applied for in the past and while it stung short term, it didn't phase you in the long term. Someone doesn't like you? Plenty of fish in the sea. To date, you have to be okay with the fact that you will find success and failure all the same but don't perceive it as a negative thing and just shrug it off.
I know many people say that the first date is the screening date and the second date is the real first date and that some people are shy/nervous on the first date, but I didn't click with her since our similarities ended at the art stuff and even then, our concentrations were entirely different. I think I might go back to bar dates since I noticed that while coffee shop dates are cheaper, they haven't been yielding me too much success possibly because I don't switch places.
Also, I think another girl who had given me her number lost interest in texting after I continued with light banter instead of setting up drinks/coffee for next week. I guess I'll try texting her again in the morning getting to the point about setting up a meet up day for next week . However, my fear is that I don't want to come off too strong/needy. Advice here?
Lastly, I got a 40 year old mother of two's number which is going to be pretty interesting since the oldest I've gone out with is 32. I'm not worried that she has kids since that's besides the point. I have no idea what to do but simple and cheap is the route to go until I get money again in the beginning of next month (not broke). Since she lurked on my profile because I'm an aspiring illustrator, I think art gallery hopping would be good. I'll text her in the morning.
@Armadillo, I think looking for a girlfriend because you're lonely is a bad way of looking at it. I don't have my life fully together like many people my age (late 20s) but I'm working on it and have been applying for internships, working for a yet to launch company for free, and hitting the gym among other things so it's not to say I lie in bed all day 24/7 doing nothig. However, it's a secondary/tertiary goal to other things in my life such volunteering, selling stuff, etc. so I'm doing it for fun.
I don't care about what their profiles say about guys having their shit together because they either accept you do or they don't. In the end of the day, it's not a huge deal. My advice would be to either organize a GAF meetup, attend a few meetup.com groups (I don't take my own advice here), volunteer at a few events, definitely join the gym, and get out to meet new people if your finances allow it. Even so there's plenty of free events you can attend to meet people.
As for rejection, I'm sure you've been rejected by jobs you applied for in the past and while it stung short term, it didn't phase you in the long term. Someone doesn't like you? Plenty of fish in the sea. To date, you have to be okay with the fact that you will find success and failure all the same but don't perceive it as a negative thing and just shrug it off.
If you're lonely, start by making friends. No girl wants to be a guy's sole source of social interaction. Join meetup.com, get active on your city's subreddit, hang out enough at a place you like, and just talk to people.
No girl is going to post on her profile "I love guys whose life is completely fucked. If you've got a mountain of clothes on the floor, let's add my panties to it
". If you don't have your shit together, that's fine...there's a lot of people in the same boat. Try to keep yourself presentable and don't be negative.If you're serious about going to the gym, read the GAF Fitness thread's first posts. Lots of good info in there regarding workouts and nutrition.
The best way to get over the fear of rejection is to face it. Once you do, you'll find its not that scary.
n64coder
Member
As others have mentioned, try different condoms. The other suggestion I have is to stop masturbating and regain your sensitivity. I think you'll be able to get off with a condom.
If you're lonely, start by making friends. No girl wants to be a guy's sole source of social interaction. Join meetup.com, get active on your city's subreddit, hang out enough at a place you like, and just talk to people.
No girl is going to post on her profile "I love guys whose life is completely fucked. If you've got a mountain of clothes on the floor, let's add my panties to it
If you're serious about going to the gym, read the GAF Fitness thread's first posts. Lots of good info in there regarding workouts and nutrition.
The best way to get over the fear of rejection is to face it. Once you do, you'll find its not that scary.
Thanks for the help
ZombiePlatypus
Member
Has OKC been really buggy to anyone else lately? Particularly during Quickmatch, I'll have to swipe over a pic like 4 or 5 times to get the pic to fully slide to the direction I want it to go at.
What if the number's zero?
Gotdatmoney
Member
I dunno your age range but I'm 23. No one I know has their life together at this point. Doesn't mean on a dating website people aint gonna pretend they do and desire the same. Btw Gym is always a goof idea. Fast forward that month. Start asap. Its good for ya
I never met anyone? I wasn't looking? Never having a gf is not really reflective of anything.
Then it is zero.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
When is the right time to tell a girl that you are taking antidepressants? I still have a great sex drive but I find it's been dampened down compared to before I started taking them. Before my body adjusted to them I couldn't cum AT ALL because I was quite numb down there, but now it's fine and I can fap normally now. If anything they could help me in the bedroom because I might be able to last longer and have less anxiety, but that's all hypothetical right now.
It isn't nor should it be but plenty of men/women will still judge you about it. Don't get me wrong I don't lie about it but it's not easy to look cool/confident while telling a girl you're out with that you've never had a girlfriend.
I was in the same boat. Thing was she would have never believed me anyway because she kept telling me how natural I am with women and that she feels like I'm a womanizer. (was virgin lol)
Depends on the person tbh, and what you're looking for.
Hookup? Just lie and fake experience/confidence
seriously liking the girl? take it slow and build trust, then tell her.
electricshake
Member
I told my bf on our third date. However at that point I was feeling better and just taking them a bit longer to avoid relapse (as per GP's instructions) and I explained that to him. I didn't make a big deal about it and he wasn't bothered.
Pasta_Soup
Member
Thinks about this: Why would you want to seriously date someone who's going to negatively judge you as a person because you've never had a girlfriend?
And if you're just looking to hook up, just dodge the question or say something like a few other posters have already suggested: "I've dated around, just never found anyone I wanted a relationship with..."
You don't say: "Yeah, I've never had a girlfriend because it's hard for me to talk to girls and I'm more of an unassertive introvert who isn't comfortable in busy social environments."
I'm not just directing this at you - just anyone who finds themselves in similar situations like this or a similar thought process.
If a woman you're talking to likes you for you, she won't give a shit.
It's all how in how you carry yourself.
looks like your post got lost. Good thing I'm here to dig it up.
If there is such thing as a friendzone you're definitely in it. You have 0 chance with this girl. Move on. Utilize that new profile you just made on OkCupid.
ZackieChan
Member
Hey. Had a great date tonight. I was literally sick and went well somehow.
She's pretty cool and looks like Heather Graham. Went to spot in Sherman Oaks called Blue Dog Tavern.
Did you swing dance with her?
Put it in your Tinder profile.
No, seriously, I don't think you should worry about things like these until you actually get a date, go on a few, and feel comfortable with the other person. Then it will be less of a "thing."
I'm not even sure they need to know at all, unless it is affecting something. At least not until you're "going steady."
Gotdatmoney
Member
People will judge you for anything. If a someone is going to let that fact influence anything as opposed to how you actually interact with them its not going to work anyway.
"What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceieve". There is no point lying. There is no point worrying about looking cool/confident as opposed to being confident with who you are.
I spent the night at her place two days ago.... but I want to see her again.
would it be too clingy and weird if I called her and asked her if I can come over? Bear in mind I'll see her in class on Monday.
Is being intimate with someone once a week a normal rate? I don't want to look clingy here, but I also really want to be with her.
edit: we've been together for a week.
would it be too clingy and weird if I called her and asked her if I can come over? Bear in mind I'll see her in class on Monday.
Is being intimate with someone once a week a normal rate? I don't want to look clingy here, but I also really want to be with her.
edit: we've been together for a week.
ZackieChan
Member
Did you have sex?
Usually when a couple is new, they want to have sex like rabbits. Did she seem to enjoy it? Has she said anything about seeing you again?
I wouldn't ask in the weak way that you're proposing. Ask her out! It's Friday night. Go to a movie and cuddle up so that you're physical and go back to your/her place after. Or just a walk in a park or shopping area near her place. Like, a date.
yeah we're having sex. just called her and it's ok to come sunday evening
wish I could be less awkward on the phone though... or in general
yeah we're having sex. just called her and it's ok to come sunday evening
wish I could be less awkward on the phone though... or in general
As things move along, it will feel more normal and less awkward the more you two become comfortable with everything.
Long time lurker and just figured I would drop in and say hi. I have thrown in my own advice a couple times but mostly just enjoy this community. Girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me on Sunday and I have been a trainwreck. I will say this - if you are in a relationship and something is wrong or bothering you, for fucks sake say something and speak up and don't just let shit fester. I knew things were a bit rocky at times and not the greatest, but we would usually talk and get through things together. And then things would be amazing.
This time though? Just fucking blindsided. I am so hurt and I have never felt so thrown away and alone. For everyone in relationships - please talk if shit is going badly or if you have a concern. Communication is so important. I just have to keep pushing forward now. It feels like my best friend just died. God damn.
This time though? Just fucking blindsided. I am so hurt and I have never felt so thrown away and alone. For everyone in relationships - please talk if shit is going badly or if you have a concern. Communication is so important. I just have to keep pushing forward now. It feels like my best friend just died. God damn.
Hang in there. Your description is accurate (sometimes you have to treat it that way in order to move on properly). If you think you need somewhere to talk or get it out of your head, don't be afraid to PM.
I guess so, I don't know how I'm going to cope seeing as we go out mostly every weekend.
Pretty funny the lovesickness wiki entry has all the exact symptoms I'm feeling on there.
Okcupid is weird, the sad thing is I live in a pretty small place outside the city so mostly every "match" is over 15+ miles away.
Yeah, I don't know, a lot of people have said we look like we're flirting a lot. I mentioned her relationship because he treats her like crap, texting other girls, ignoring her when she was upset over things. It's hard to ignore.
PflargBlarg
Member
Bruh, nobody's mistaking that for close friendship. Unless you go around all the time holding hands and sitting on the laps of your close male friends. Her relationships aren't your business.
Whatever you do don't do some big confessional of your feelings. All you can do is ask her out completely normally if that option becomes available again. Otherwise, don't do anything about it.
Good news. Officially got another job as an accounting intern and started work today. So now that gives me 40 of work per week, and a full time college student with 5 classes. Calculating my pay and expenses, I can get a used car during or after summer, and get an overhaul of my wardrobe. Plus by then I should have built muscle. So the three things that make me hesitate to bother with a women can be achieved very soon. I want to focus on myself right now, and when I'm happy and in a good place, then I'll start being more proactive with dating. For now I'm just making few exceptions, but having no car is a huge obstacle for date ideas.
Give me some time and I'll blow you away!
ZackieChan
Member
thesoapster
Member
Will keep it as simple as I can -
Met ~1 3/4 months ago, got number first time we met
Meet up with her at her place a couple times...
...through friend(s) learn she wants to "corrupt" me
...make out with her a couple times
She has birthday/birthday weekend. I take her out on her birthday for dinner.
Any time I see her, including at home, she's not going for it so much. Knowing she still has her online dating etc. going this whole time and is still effectively "open", I figure she's backing off. But she is still asking me to come over. Affectionate etc., but dialed back for sure compared to only a couple weeks ago. I asked her what she thought of me, if she liked me more than a friend etc. She said she doesn't know, maybe, etc.
Pretty sure she's moved on or just isn't feeling it. Personally (as someone 100% new to relationships) if I can tell they don't feel it, I cannot stay enthusiastic about shit after a while.
Thoughts?
Met ~1 3/4 months ago, got number first time we met
Meet up with her at her place a couple times...
...through friend(s) learn she wants to "corrupt" me
...make out with her a couple times
She has birthday/birthday weekend. I take her out on her birthday for dinner.
Any time I see her, including at home, she's not going for it so much. Knowing she still has her online dating etc. going this whole time and is still effectively "open", I figure she's backing off. But she is still asking me to come over. Affectionate etc., but dialed back for sure compared to only a couple weeks ago. I asked her what she thought of me, if she liked me more than a friend etc. She said she doesn't know, maybe, etc.
Pretty sure she's moved on or just isn't feeling it. Personally (as someone 100% new to relationships) if I can tell they don't feel it, I cannot stay enthusiastic about shit after a while.
Thoughts?
ZackieChan
Member
Eh, you've only made out with her. Maybe you're too nice of a guy for her - you didn't take to the "corruption." Find someone else.
thesoapster
Member
If she's looking for a guy that knows what he's doing when she already knows full well that I have virtually no experience, that's not going anywhere.
User 479360
Banned
I'm starting to feel kind of bad, but maybe shouldn't.
I've been talking to the girl I went on a couple of dates with, and we've been opening up more and more over the last couple of hours. I guess she's been hesitant to ask me to do things, because she feels bad knowing that I have to help look after disabled family members. But I told her not to worry about it, because I want to/am able to/need to get out more and things will work out here.
We've both dealt and are dealing with somewhat similar situations.
We've planned a movie or bowling date soon. I know she's going away next weekend, so hopefully before then.
It's been good talking to her tonight and I think it's helped us both a lot.
I regret sending messages to those other girls on OKC when I was unsure, because a couple have been messaging me a lot. They seem interesting and nice, too, but it's not fair. I don't know how to really figure this out and not piss people off. She's obviously the leading candidate, though.
I've been talking to the girl I went on a couple of dates with, and we've been opening up more and more over the last couple of hours. I guess she's been hesitant to ask me to do things, because she feels bad knowing that I have to help look after disabled family members. But I told her not to worry about it, because I want to/am able to/need to get out more and things will work out here.
We've both dealt and are dealing with somewhat similar situations.
We've planned a movie or bowling date soon. I know she's going away next weekend, so hopefully before then.
It's been good talking to her tonight and I think it's helped us both a lot.
I regret sending messages to those other girls on OKC when I was unsure, because a couple have been messaging me a lot. They seem interesting and nice, too, but it's not fair. I don't know how to really figure this out and not piss people off. She's obviously the leading candidate, though.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Don't feel bad. That's how these sites work. Think of how many times you were faced with radio silence when you messaged someone. On my end, I exchanged messages with a hot blonde a week ago, and I've got a reply of hers in my inbox. I haven't been on OKC. But I doubt she's hurting. Basically, until you actually meet someone and develop a burgeoning relationship, there's no obligation.
This quasi-limbo period when you obviously like someone enough not to pursue someone else but you're not sure if things'll work out is, by far, the most difficult. You can fill your time with other-than-dating exercises, though! That's what I'm doing: friends, exercise, reading, etc. The downside is that, for instance, if things between me and this Brazilian girl I'm dating go south (and, probabilistically, they will), I'll miss out on the hot blonde. But, at some point, you need to take risks in dating; you can't always hedge your bets.
Also, enough with the "hopefully," Chewie. You like this girl. You're taking an emotional risk, but she doesn't know it. Tell her that you want to see her before next weekend. She's not just your security blanket; she's someone, presumably, with whom you wish to build a relationship. Be assertive about what you want. You already like each other. Now's the time when you need to assess whether your wants align with hers.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks for the in-depth reply.
I will be assertive and try to make plans. She'll likely want to do something this coming week. I'm thinking a movie date, so that I can hold hands with her or something since there's been nothing physical yet.
I will be assertive and try to make plans. She'll likely want to do something this coming week. I'm thinking a movie date, so that I can hold hands with her or something since there's been nothing physical yet.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Just came back from a date with an awesome girl.
I know the usual steps to talk and give my number from these dating apps, but we matched last Sunday night. We texted via tinder a few times that night. I gave my number, she ended up giving me hers. We've literally been texting each other all day every day since our meet up tonight. On Tuesday we texted from morning to 3am Wednesday.
She told me before the meetup how we have so many things in common. I asked her if it was a good thing. She said yeah, it really is. She loves how I'm good with quick one liners, I'm playful, and can hold a conversation.
We finally meet up at an English bar and grill. We talk. We then go to another bar with darts. She's impressed and thinks I lied about not playing darts in 10 years. As were more comfortable, I'm getting closer to her in talking and with touching.
We finally head out walking to our cars. We hug. I tell hopefully we can do something together again. She says yes, but she likes to take it slow before the physical part. To sum it I told her I'm fine with that.
I ask her how I get back on a certain road, we walk, then walk back to our cars. I tell her since she wants to take it slow, can I at least kiss you on the cjeeks. She smiles and says yes. I do it and she jokes if I was going to be sneaky and go for the lips.
It's funny. Elther I'm overthinking this or I'm way off base, but after the first hug it looked like she was waiting for a kiss. But again, I may be off and overthinking.
I'm getting over a cold sore. It's not there anymore, just the skin in my lip missing, but I didn't want to take a chance?
Anyway, she's really great. She hates guys that are too clingy and guys who don't like to try new things. I told her I'm not clingy, lol.
Maybe I'm just the exception and not the norm when it comes to texting all day everyday before the meetup.
I know the usual steps to talk and give my number from these dating apps, but we matched last Sunday night. We texted via tinder a few times that night. I gave my number, she ended up giving me hers. We've literally been texting each other all day every day since our meet up tonight. On Tuesday we texted from morning to 3am Wednesday.
She told me before the meetup how we have so many things in common. I asked her if it was a good thing. She said yeah, it really is. She loves how I'm good with quick one liners, I'm playful, and can hold a conversation.
We finally meet up at an English bar and grill. We talk. We then go to another bar with darts. She's impressed and thinks I lied about not playing darts in 10 years. As were more comfortable, I'm getting closer to her in talking and with touching.
We finally head out walking to our cars. We hug. I tell hopefully we can do something together again. She says yes, but she likes to take it slow before the physical part. To sum it I told her I'm fine with that.
I ask her how I get back on a certain road, we walk, then walk back to our cars. I tell her since she wants to take it slow, can I at least kiss you on the cjeeks. She smiles and says yes. I do it and she jokes if I was going to be sneaky and go for the lips.
It's funny. Elther I'm overthinking this or I'm way off base, but after the first hug it looked like she was waiting for a kiss. But again, I may be off and overthinking.
I'm getting over a cold sore. It's not there anymore, just the skin in my lip missing, but I didn't want to take a chance?
Anyway, she's really great. She hates guys that are too clingy and guys who don't like to try new things. I told her I'm not clingy, lol.
Maybe I'm just the exception and not the norm when it comes to texting all day everyday before the meetup.
At this point you should have said something like "maybe I am" with a smirk and gone for the lips right away.
Other than that, sounds good! Try to tone down the texting, doing it "all day from morning to 3am" is not a good thing. Chill out a bit, go do other stuff and work on setting up a second date instead.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Like I said, I had a small area on my lip where it was healing from a cold sore, though I didn't have one anymore. I didn't want to take the chance and kiss her on the lips. I would have it was 100% healed. Arg. Fuck this shit.
I am confident you will slay next time.
Don't worry about it man, seriously. It'll happen next time!
It's for the best.
So, there's this girl in my university I'm interested in. We share only one class together this semester and most likely will never meet again after it's over. She's always sitting next to her friends so I don't have much of a window or excuse to talk to her, and since we don't really know each other I don't feel confident in adding her on facebook.
So I was wondering what some of you guys would do in a similar situation. I know myself too well to be aware that I won't do anything about it but I guess it could at least give me some references for the future. I suppose a profile of her would help: she's got this kind of quirky nerdy vibe to her, loves Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy and I can't quite remember whether she said comics, games or mangas but she definetely shares some interests/hobbies of mine (I know this because our first assignment in class was to talk about the book that most impacted our lives and she just kind of went off talking about it; this was a few months ago though so it's problably a little too late to use it as a conversation starter).
Honestly, she kind of looks too good to be single so I wouldn't be surprised if she's got a boyfriend already, as do every single one of my crushes apparently. I'm "only" 22 years old but it already looks like most girls my age are constantly commited. It doesn't help that I have literally zero experience, which I guess is a turn off to most women and makes me even less confident to approach. I can talk to girls just fine at work or at social environments when there's a reason to or they start the conversation first, but as far as making the first move I just really suck at it (or making any move at all, I just keep it casual and friendly since I can never tell when they might be interested or not so I always default to "not", so I can make girl friends just fine, but never girlfriends), and online dating is out of the question to me. In fact, typing this all out just made me realize why I bailed out of this whole thing entirely and settled for whatever I have right now, but anyway. What could I do about the girl?
So I was wondering what some of you guys would do in a similar situation. I know myself too well to be aware that I won't do anything about it but I guess it could at least give me some references for the future. I suppose a profile of her would help: she's got this kind of quirky nerdy vibe to her, loves Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy and I can't quite remember whether she said comics, games or mangas but she definetely shares some interests/hobbies of mine (I know this because our first assignment in class was to talk about the book that most impacted our lives and she just kind of went off talking about it; this was a few months ago though so it's problably a little too late to use it as a conversation starter).
Honestly, she kind of looks too good to be single so I wouldn't be surprised if she's got a boyfriend already, as do every single one of my crushes apparently. I'm "only" 22 years old but it already looks like most girls my age are constantly commited. It doesn't help that I have literally zero experience, which I guess is a turn off to most women and makes me even less confident to approach. I can talk to girls just fine at work or at social environments when there's a reason to or they start the conversation first, but as far as making the first move I just really suck at it (or making any move at all, I just keep it casual and friendly since I can never tell when they might be interested or not so I always default to "not", so I can make girl friends just fine, but never girlfriends), and online dating is out of the question to me. In fact, typing this all out just made me realize why I bailed out of this whole thing entirely and settled for whatever I have right now, but anyway. What could I do about the girl?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're 22. It's time to stop having crushes. And also, why is online dating out of the question? You could stand to have a series of horrible-to-awesome coffee dates that teach you the basics of male-female interaction; then you'll realize that it's honestly no big deal. (And I'm quite serious here.) Also, why not have one of your girl friends set you up on a date?
Anyway, the first step is realizing that, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. It also doesn't really matter what you say, either. Let's put it this way: you could go over to her and say something like "Hey, I was looking for a book to read and I remember you talking about Douglas Adams. Thanks for the recommendation!" If she's attracted to you, she'll be effusive, at which point you ask her out for coffee. If she's lukewarm and says something like, "Yeah, no problem!" and rushes off with friends, then she's not really interested and it's time to move on.
Also, no one "looks too good" to be single. Hell, I'm single right now, and I'm amazing. Relationships ebb and flow.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
What do you mean "fuck this shit"?
If you're honestly worrying about that then you're beyond over thinking things.
ZackieChan
Member
I thought we talked about this.
So, if you were setting up a date with a girl, and last thing was a message from you telling "something something what about friday, or the weekend? just tell me when you'd like to somethingsomething", after how many days without any reply should you consider the thing blown off?
Royal_Phalanx
Member
I wonder how you guys meet so many girls to get 100 dates, lol. My experience is that it's really tough to meet young people in your own age group if you're not in education anymore, so if you're lonely it's really hard to get back on your feet, and online dating is a crapshoot, and have given up on it until I get better pictures. Maybe I should go look for bar work and things like that, but the job market isn't treating me well at the moment. Luckily I have a 20-something meetup.com group in my city that's very active, so I just have to keep riding that self improvement horse I suppose. My biggest problem is mild Aspergers' making me overthink shit and be really socially anxious and I don't know how to build a social circle almost from scratch in unfamiliar environments. Anyone tried speed dating? That meetup.com group that I mentioned is hosting a post Valentines day party in a bar (they have a VIP area and dancefloor all to themselves), and they're hosting this optional speed dating thing on the side, lol.
- Status