I like to start with coffee, but I always have a plan to go/do something else. Gelato, drinks, a slice of pizza, just a walk, anything that isn't just sitting across a table and regurgitating our life stories.
Or maybe just nerves and anxiety?
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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I like to start with coffee, but I always have a plan to go/do something else. Gelato, drinks, a slice of pizza, just a walk, anything that isn't just sitting across a table and regurgitating our life stories.
Maybe she was feeling ill? Giving short responses would make sense since she was focused on keeping her illness down. Then maybe it hit a critical point where she had to take a shit so much that she had to make a run for it. Food for thought.
hydrophilic attack
Member
Internet dating is so frustrating for me because I've never had a habit of taking photos of myself. The most recent photo I have is 1.5 years old, and I'm in much better shape now. I don't really want to with tacky bathroom mirror selfies (unless they are requested, which happened once)
Nah, girls don't poop
Nah, girls don't poop
Haha thats a nice way to look at it.
Oh i am the same, i never take pictures of myself so everything i have is way old. Same with friends we dont usually take pictures in groups if it all ever.
ZackieChan
Member
That is odd behavior. It's 100% her, not you, dude. No sane person would sprint away from a date, even with someone as ugly as Advocatus Diaboli.
Rejection doesnt always have anything to do with you and some people are just crazy: Exhibit A
Yes, coffee or a drink. If you hit it off you can always do more. But if you have a psycho like Ms Mumbly McSprinter, its an easier out.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
It's true. I've never had a sprinter, but I have had a few girls who like, refused to make eye contact and spoke really quietly. I've had a few weirdos too, but never anyone that was that socially awkward; I chalked that up to girls who seemed normal via messaging and texting, but who were just a little bizarre in real life.
All in all, I've never had a horrible date. Just a couple where I wasted an hour or two of my time, which isn't that bad, when you think about it.
I'm going to go with panic attack, or something along those lines. Definitely not your looks or anything like that, get that out of your head.
Ah thanks guys, the reason I thought it could've been the way I look is because we barely spoke or interacted at all. Just walked for a long time.
Risk of online dating I guess but it's the best option for me as I never liked dating within my social circle. If drama happens or a bad break up it can make things awkward so I like to keep things separate.
Risk of online dating I guess but it's the best option for me as I never liked dating within my social circle. If drama happens or a bad break up it can make things awkward so I like to keep things separate.
Woody Invincible
Banned
Found it.
LOL
Maybe she was really high.
I accidentally went on a date incredibly high once and I imagine it was absolutely nuts for the other person.
hydrophilic attack
Member
Maybe she was a very dedicated IRL-troll.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
A bit surprised how accurate my sign is. I'm a Gemini and they tend to be too needy and get emotionally attached. That's exactly what I did to that one girl.
Whenever you have the feeling that you want to be exclusive. It's honestly different for everyone and depends on much you two are together, rather than how long via an arbitrary date.
Last girl I dated we because exlclusive two months in (never had sex though lol which is why I think it ended shortly after). This current girl exclusive on the 4th date (netflix and chill) and I told her that I practice sexual monogamy and would like to be exclusive. She agreed.
If you're having these thoughts about "when" then I think it's time.
Now for me, I'm trying to be less needy. That's just the type of person I am. But I don't let it crossover to my dating life, but it's something I feel myself talking about to other people about to not let it influence my relationships.
I like texting. I like checking in a few times a day. I like affection. I like being liked and reassured of it.
With this girl because she's still in school and lives 40 min (only 24 miles but it's LA) so we see other about once a week, sometimes twice. I find myself within these periods of not seeing her I have negative and anxious thoughts. Not so much about her and other people but the fact that the relationship could crumble at any moment or that she lost interest or the "break up / we need to talk text" is coming at any moment.
When we're physically together it's great and I don't have doubts. I just don't how to get out of my head during these periods so I don't get crazy anxious.
And it doesn't help that M-W she gets home from school around 9/10pm so we only exchange a few texts for an hour before going to bed.
But we're also going away together for Valentine's Day so that's something to look forward too. We're exclusive but not official and I think that's when I'll bring it up. Maybe that'll give me the reassurance I need.
Miles Quaritch
Member
To echo others, don't worry about it. It's definitely not a you problem.
Haven't had exactly the same happen, but I did go on a second date to the cinema once and she bailed after she said she was going to the toilets. Didn't hear from her for a few days until she sent a text acting like nothing happened.
Crazy is best avoided sometimes.
Today another girl flaked on me again. It's the third time in a row, which is deeply depressing.
I always try to avoid the most common mistakes (e.g. being way to pushy or persuasive and clingy, needy, but still caring enough and being funny, showing self-esteem etc.), which apparently doesn't work for me.
Also instead of being upfront and telling, that they are not interested in dating me, the three of them were either being sick or waaaay, too busy with work to meet up, but unfortunately never came back to me.
At least the most recent girl told me a week in advance and not a day before the date, so that's nice. I texted her back wishing her a good recovery.
I don't expect her to reply or even come up with an alternative date.
My self-esteem is non-existed right now, but I'm not angry at her. I must have had a bad streak, I guess
In conclusion I'm kinda done with dating for a while.
/vent
I always try to avoid the most common mistakes (e.g. being way to pushy or persuasive and clingy, needy, but still caring enough and being funny, showing self-esteem etc.), which apparently doesn't work for me.
Also instead of being upfront and telling, that they are not interested in dating me, the three of them were either being sick or waaaay, too busy with work to meet up, but unfortunately never came back to me.
At least the most recent girl told me a week in advance and not a day before the date, so that's nice. I texted her back wishing her a good recovery.
I don't expect her to reply or even come up with an alternative date.
My self-esteem is non-existed right now, but I'm not angry at her. I must have had a bad streak, I guess
In conclusion I'm kinda done with dating for a while.
/vent
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Holy shit. Literally.
Sorry about that, Fuchs. I had two bad dates back to back. Shot my esteem, too, but now I'm meeting a gorgeous girl tomorrow night. Half Cuban half Irish with black hair. I love that.
Today another girl flaked on me again. It's the third time in a row, which is deeply depressing.
I always try to avoid the most common mistakes (e.g. being way to pushy or persuasive and clingy, needy, but still caring enough and being funny, showing self-esteem etc.), which apparently doesn't work for me.
Also instead of being upfront and telling, that they are not interested in dating me, the three of them were either being sick or waaaay, too busy with work to meet up, but unfortunately never came back to me.
At least the most recent girl told me a week in advance and not a day before the date, so that's nice. I texted her back wishing her a good recovery.
I don't expect her to reply or even come up with an alternative date.
My self-esteem is non-existed right now, but I'm not angry at her. I must have had a bad streak, I guess
In conclusion I'm kinda done with dating for a while.
/vent
It's not really you, a lot of women will do that to be non-confrontational because some guys (especially in online dating) don't take rejection well. Also - and this is the bigger underlying issue IMO - a lot of women on dating sites will never actually date someone for whatever reason (just looking, need a self-esteem boost, already in a relationship, etc). Even if it was Brad Pitt flying in on a winged unicorn that shits out gold bars, they would say crap like "I need to get to know you more". This is why you don't invest too much upfront (ie, spending days/weeks chatting on OKCupid or texting) because there are so many flakes/passive-aggressive people out there that will only be a waste of time.
"I don't have the time" or "I'm too busy with work" is a huge pile of steamy BS though. Unless they're a med student making rounds, you can't seriously be telling me that you don't have a spare hour or two. It's the new century's equivalent of "it's not you, it's me" aka "I don't have interest in you, but don't have the honesty to tell you upfront". If women like you, they will make time.
I have to vent a little bit over OKC and Tinder.
I was getting plenty of matches, but nobody ever wants to meet. All they want to do is text or maybe a phone call. They're treating these sites like other social media sites: collecting matches is like collecting friends or folllowers on Twitter or Instagram.
On the occasions when someone does want to meet, there's been so much texting that there's pre-loaded baggage, expectations are set, etc.
I got tired of it. So I deleted my accounts.
I sincerely think there's a much greater chance of success in finding someone in the real world and asking them out vs. "meeting" someone on OKC or Tinder and going through the endless back and forth, stripping away all of the mystery and excitement.
I was getting plenty of matches, but nobody ever wants to meet. All they want to do is text or maybe a phone call. They're treating these sites like other social media sites: collecting matches is like collecting friends or folllowers on Twitter or Instagram.
On the occasions when someone does want to meet, there's been so much texting that there's pre-loaded baggage, expectations are set, etc.
I got tired of it. So I deleted my accounts.
I sincerely think there's a much greater chance of success in finding someone in the real world and asking them out vs. "meeting" someone on OKC or Tinder and going through the endless back and forth, stripping away all of the mystery and excitement.
Miles Quaritch
Member
The weirdest thing is that she pushed for the second date. She talked up it for days and then she bailed just as it's getting started.
Maybe she got off on me spending money on her? She loved the attention? Who the fucks knows. I ignored the text and moved the hell on.
This is definitely a problem on OKC, but you shouldn't really be encountering these problems on Tinder.
Maybe you're just matching time wasters? Most of my old tinder matches before were minimal chat with a meet up within a three to four days of matching.
There's something wrong with your process then. There shouldn't even be an opportunity for there to be "too much texting" before the first meet. You have to strike while the iron is hot. These chicks have dudes messaging them and trying to get with them out the wazoo. You have to stand out. If you don't get a number in the first 10-ish messages or so, forget about it. Getting a number and not texting through the Tinder app should be your first priority. It's too easy to be forgotten about and pushed down on their list of matches. Get the number, and ask to set something up within the next few days. It's true there are a lot of flakey girls on Tinder, you can't help that. But being confident and setting a meetup ASAP goes a long way. The further away you set up a meet, the more likely she is to have cold feet. If she flakes, and doesn't have a legit good reason, on to the next one. If she flakes and doesn't offer an alternative date, on to the next one.
Your pics and text game have everything to do with response rates and how willing they are to meet up.
Yoshichan
And they made him a Lord of Cinder. Not for virtue, but for might. Such is a lord, I suppose. But here I ask. Do we have a sodding chance?
Random question, don't even know if this fits here. I'll go straight to the point.
So I just had unprotected sex, first time with this girl. She's a virgin. We're in a relationship now. Two things.
1: I've never been able to feel -anything- with a condom on. It's literally impossible to cum from penetration. I always end up doing some penetration, then please her orally while jacking myself off (only way to ejaculate). Is there any fucking solution to this shit?
2: Am I a cunt for bringing this up to her? Like, would I be a complete ass if I told her this should be incentive enough for her to take the pill?
So I just had unprotected sex, first time with this girl. She's a virgin. We're in a relationship now. Two things.
1: I've never been able to feel -anything- with a condom on. It's literally impossible to cum from penetration. I always end up doing some penetration, then please her orally while jacking myself off (only way to ejaculate). Is there any fucking solution to this shit?
2: Am I a cunt for bringing this up to her? Like, would I be a complete ass if I told her this should be incentive enough for her to take the pill?
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Loooooooooooooooooool
You can bring it up and you should definitely talk about it but it's ultimately her decision. Telling her it should be "incentive enough" is loooooooooooooooooooooooooool territory, not to mention douchey.
Hello, first time posting here, just needed to vent a little.
I've fallen for my best friend, it's been happening a while but it's really got worse the past 2-3 months. My other friend said he notices us flirting sometimes, but it could easily be mistaken for close friendship like holding hands and her sitting on me. She was in a shitty relationship, but she ended it 2 weeks ago, only to get back with the asshole today. I obviously didn't say anything, even though one of the nights we were both laying together on my sofa listening to soppy music after our friends went home. I didn't say anything out of fear it'd mess up our little friend group, the only people I really go out with these days. Also out of fear of the inevitable rejection and weirdness. It's really effected me, my sleep, my eating, I'm constantly stick to my stomach. After the news today I made a profile on okcupid, maybe out of anger or desperation, I don't know, but going through matches just made me feel more sick. I'm not really sure what the point of writing this is, I just need to get it out.
I've fallen for my best friend, it's been happening a while but it's really got worse the past 2-3 months. My other friend said he notices us flirting sometimes, but it could easily be mistaken for close friendship like holding hands and her sitting on me. She was in a shitty relationship, but she ended it 2 weeks ago, only to get back with the asshole today. I obviously didn't say anything, even though one of the nights we were both laying together on my sofa listening to soppy music after our friends went home. I didn't say anything out of fear it'd mess up our little friend group, the only people I really go out with these days. Also out of fear of the inevitable rejection and weirdness. It's really effected me, my sleep, my eating, I'm constantly stick to my stomach. After the news today I made a profile on okcupid, maybe out of anger or desperation, I don't know, but going through matches just made me feel more sick. I'm not really sure what the point of writing this is, I just need to get it out.
Kurt Angle
Member
she asked how many girl friends ive had
how do i walk on these egg shells
how do i walk on these egg shells
ZackieChan
Member
How are we back to square one with everyone?
Too many or too few? Girlfriends as in long term or as in sexual partners?
Habits are hard to break.
User 479360
Banned
I guess I can look forward to a third date 
.
I spoke to her tonight and asked her if I was a candidate for a third date, and she said yes. She said, "I've honestly never been asked that before," and, "To answer your question, I think so."
.I spoke to her tonight and asked her if I was a candidate for a third date, and she said yes. She said, "I've honestly never been asked that before," and, "To answer your question, I think so."
If you're not religious and are worried about dealing with someone who is going to go into this territory so blatantly, my gut says run.
I guess I can look forward to a third date
I spoke to her tonight and asked her if I was a candidate for a third date, and she said yes.
Is that really how you asked?
Gotdatmoney
Member
You can discuss her taking the pill but lol at incentive and yes you sound like an ass. Dick is not some rare commodity man. You shouldn't treat it like one. And taking the pill makes different girls react differently so you could try to not come across so abrasive. Either way I suggest you wrap it up, you just got in a relationship, personality I wouldn't be playing with fire. Try different types of condoms til you find one you can work with.
Just work on your pull out game and make sure she'll abort if necessary. The pill can mess up her body and sex drive and make her gain weight and all sorts of shit. If pull and pray method isn't an option try to get her an IUD.
Some of this may not be serious advice.
ZackieChan
Member
I guess I can look forward to a third date
I spoke to her tonight and asked her if I was a candidate for a third date, and she said yes. She said, "I've honestly never been asked that before," and, "To answer your question, I think so."
That may be the weirdest and most passive way to ask someone out. Even the keeping count of dates (mentioning it to her, at least) is a little odd. " I think so" is pretty passive, as well, so maybe you're made for each other?
Next time, be assertive and ask her the fuck out, to a specific place and time.
Maybe she's waiting for the next debate between all third date candidates before committing?
just be.. honest?
AnathemicOne
Banned
So would watching a show on a single laptop for two people as a date work out alright? I ask because I only ever watch my shows solo and never with another person.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Pretty much. If I was on the receiving end I would start backing away because I don't even know what that means.
I've never been steered wrong saying, "hey want to go to x on sunday?".
Yeah, I mean you have some socially awkward number like 50 chicks at the age of 18 then I'm not sure. Otherwise, I've never had a distinctly negative reaction to number of ex GFs.
It's not ideal but I don't think it's not possible. This isn't a first date is it? Girl I'm seeing doesn't have a TV so we did that at her apartment. Might be slightly awkward due to how close you have to be to each other for a first date.
Even better, use a mobile phone. Gotta get super close. Most "movie" dates anyway don't last past the first few minutes of the movie from my experience.
Pro tip: She's not coming to your house to watch the movie
ZackieChan
Member
Yep. I've done both. Best part about a laptop is that you gotta lay on the bed to do it. Well, you don't HAVE to, but it's the best way.
AnathemicOne
Banned
No, we've been dating for a month so far, but I'd really like to switch it up from eating out at some restaurant joint once a week, plus it will let my wallet breathe.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You know why.
On my end, even though I'm ridiculously ugly, I've got a fourth date (hopefully) planned for this weekend. We're not exclusive, although I know she's not seeing anyone else, and I decided to stop fucking around with stringing other girls along. To keep busy, I'm hanging out with friends, going to the gym, or reading books. Even clearing some video game backlogs. Also, at this point -- and this is commentary for nearly everyone -- dating isn't one-sided. I like this girl and want to keep seeing her, but I'm not simply trying to woo her or "audition" to be with her: at this point, it's a matter of seeing whether or not she fits well into my life, just as she's doing the same with me.
She's conflicted but likes you. I went through the same thing with the girl I'm seeing. On our first date, we ended up back at her place, and she was reticent to kiss. Apparently one of her 2016 resolutions, along with her sister, was to not hook up as easily. Continue to flirt with her. Push her boundaries (but in a totally consensual way, of course). Besides, there's honestly nothing wrong with waiting a while, especially if you actually like her. Frankly, I've hooked up with girls on date #2 or #3 pretty regularly, and it wasn't great.
Be honest. It's not a big deal, so don't treat it like one. What are you looking for? If you want a committed relationship and you've had like 50 girlfriends, you need to be ready to explain what changed your mind. If the answer is 0 -- this is GAF, after all -- then the answer's that you dated around but haven't really found the right person.
For reference's sake, I've had seven. I've been out with over a hundred girls at this point, of course, but only made it to girlfriend status with seven, one of whom was my ex-wife.
I guess I can look forward to a third date
I spoke to her tonight and asked her if I was a candidate for a third date, and she said yes. She said, "I've honestly never been asked that before," and, "To answer your question, I think so."
You're being too passive. Read my initial comment. On the first date, you're generally trying to impress someone; there are several posts here consisting of people ecstatic that "s/he said yes!" So, congrats: you're past that. You like each other. Now's the point where you see if you're actually compatible enough to begin a burgeoning relationship. Earlier this year, I went on five dates with someone I liked, and she wasn't feeling it. In retrospect, I wasn't either. We still liked each other, but just not enough to continue down that path. I've had similar feelings about girls whom I've liked enough, but...
I've read your posts, Chewie, for a very long time. Isn't this the girl you were trying to become exclusive with after one date? Or was that someone else? Instead of trying to lock down a relationship, I want you to assess whether this particular girl is good for you. Being objectively "good" and "right for you" are two different things. Take things at their natural pace, continue to try new things with her, and explore each other's personalities.
Unless you can answer the following question -- Why, specifically, do you want to be in a relationship with her? -- then continue to date. Don't rush.
She's the Megyn Kelly of Canada. Chewie needs to pull a Trump.
Much of this depends on how long you've been in a relationship. First, and most importantly, it's her body, but if you're having in sex, it's objectively true that birth control plus a condom is better than just a condom. Second, you need to discuss with her the consequences of unintended pregnancy with her (and I hope you were both STI screened beforehand!), because having that discussion after she's missed a period is not the right time.
To your first question: I think I'm the same way. I hate condoms too. The last time I went without, my ex-girlfriend and I had a frank discussion about pregnancy and we both shared our STI tests with each other. But I think other posters are right in that you ought to try different kinds, and I also think that you should explain your physical difficulties with your girlfriend, so that she doesn't, perhaps, think that she's not keeping you engaged. The last thing you want is her subconsciously thinking she doesn't do it for you.
So, tell her that, and then try experimenting with different condoms. Could be fun. But remember that you absolutely don't have the right to dictate her birth control options. Nor do you have the right to dictate her decision about pregnancy choices. And be quite mindful that you're making the conscious decision to have unprotected sex with a now not-quite-virgin (but who is probably very young).
So, what the fuck are you doing? You gotta answer that question for yourself.
Yes, if it's at the tail end of a real date and you're both in bed together. Or she's coming over to Netflix and chill. Otherwise, I'm sure the rest of us can pitch you actual date ideas.
AnathemicOne
Banned
Pitch away I'm all ears, been dating her for a month. Should note that she's an introvert, a bit socially awkward (not enough to weird me out though), and a vegetarian.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
It's not really about what you do, it's about whom you're with. Remember that axiom. I creeped on your profile and saw that you were a college student, and I'm guessing she is too. Thus, you don't have to spring for anything super expensive. In your case, hanging out at each other's place is sort of the norm.
As a precursor to watching a show, what about cooking dinner? Or dessert, like baking cookies, which is less work? You're presumably also on a campus, so there's got to be events you can attend, like plays and concerts. What do both of you like? What's your passion? For instance, I love live comedy, and I enjoy taking dates to live stand-up shows in DC -- and that costs $20, which is ridiculous inexpensive for this city.
I'm gonna go with cookies and TV, though.
User 479360
Banned
She is the same girl I was considering asking to be exclusive. I'm still on the fence as to whether we're right for eachother, though, because now I wonder if we'd be better off as friends. I'm going to see where things go. We get along well, but haven't done anything more than hug.
Similarly
I know, probably a bad way. I think I said something like, "So, am I deserving of a third date?"
I was trying to keep it light, but I suck at this.
Similarly
I know, probably a bad way. I think I said something like, "So, am I deserving of a third date?"
I was trying to keep it light, but I suck at this.
I've fucked her already. I've been seeing her about 2 months. She's just totally fucking bullshitting me. So over it and being treated like shit.
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