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[The Wall]

I was thinking of using the family excuse, but maybe she feels the same way and I should just say nothing for now and see what happens

That, or if you were wanting to hang out some time soon anyway, make for something after.

Why wouldn't you just talk to her about it?

Yup. Or just talk to her and let her know you're not feeling the holiday if you think it's something she's expects. That's the key thing here- she might already be on the same mental page as you and not want it brought up. Continue on as usual sort of thing.

 

[Gamerloid]

So continuing from my earlier post tonight, I've made a breakthrough. Decided to post this just in case someone shares my bizarro problem.

Growing up, the the feeling of romance was non-existent. It wasn't something that interest me at all. This was true until the age of 20 about to hit 21 in two months. After three encounters and discussions with a girl in my class; I fell for her, and hard. It went terribly, as I didn't know how to handle the situation nor such emotions flooding in at once. The events left me broken inside. It took about 4-5 months to seriously get over that, but even recently I woild think that I wish I ever took that class. Just because maybe just maybe my heart would still be locked shut and I wouldn't have to deal with this dating thing because I wouldn't care like I used to.

I tried a couple times afterwards. One wasn't interested, the other was just a waste of time in the end. Even so, each one, I'd always have trouble with them in a variety of ways that doesn't make sense due to the kind of person I am. I said it took me an hour and thirty minutes to decide if I would ask the girl out today. It was then did I realize my troubles and why this whole dating things has been bothering so much.

It wasn't the fact that I don't have a girlfriend or rejection, it's that until today I was still fighting the idea that I could fall for someone. It doesn't seem natural after being so unemotional about it for so long. It feels out of character, and therefore my behavior gets screwed up being I feel like it isn't me. Tonight I concede. I can't keep going in a circle. I now recognize that I'm a normal functioning human that wants to be loved like everyone else.

Just being honest here. When I said that to myself, I felt a huge burden off my shoulder. Very peaceful.

With the past behind me, k hope to have good stories for you all from this point.

 

[Afrocious]

I just friend zoned tonight I think. Went on a date, and I feel oddly okay that we didn't have the kind of chemistry i'm looking for.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

The wall,

The guy ever reply back?

 

[SneakersSO]

Fair warning - Long post incoming.

So, been lurking the Dating/Online Dating Age Forums. Thought i'd join in the conversation. Figured after tonight, this would be a great place to just vent and maybe try & gain some understanding as to what I may or may not have done wrong, although its just as likely nothing to do with me.

So, I wound up meeting a girl at a bar last sunday after a friend invites me out to meet a larger group of friends. At the start, this girl seemed to know my friend who invited me, but was keeping her distance from our larger group. Didn't pay her no mind at first, but she got my attention when I went to the bar to grab another drink. We wind up having great chemistry, and talk for a few hours, with people chiming in here & there. She gives me her number towards the end, and I feel like we're vibing. Now, its towards the end of the night, when people decide they are gonna go, that I realize I should probably ask how she knows our group of friends, the answer to which was she had hooked up with the friend who had invited me out about 2 months ago off Tinder. Apparently he wasn't interested in her & cut it off a few weeks prior, but was still inviting her out to get together's & whatnot.

Typically, i'm not the kind of guy who likes to go after any of my friend's prior girls, regardless of how they feel, so this revelation was my own 1st red flag. After that, the topic naturally extends to recent exes, and it turns out that she still had a serious LTR ex that was actively in the picture (although the full extent of which wouldn't be revealed until this wednesday morning). Now, actively involved exes, even the scope of which she had initially revealed on Sunday, is another red flag for me. I knew it was stupid to forgo my own built-up reservations, but just going off her body language, I could tell there was something about our chemistry she was really enjoying, as was I, so I decided to sweet talk her on the way out and possibly setup an initial date for the next day.

So, monday comes. Her texts alter between really curt (like when I texted her after we both left that very night), to flirty & very interested the next day. We make tentative plans to meet up that night, although she flakes. At this point, I knew I was in trouble. I couldn't get her off my mind, despite me already being in the process of talking/casually dating two other girls. I decide to pull back, and only text during the day. A small talk text that leads into us making plans for tonight occurs on tuesday night. Wednesday, when I send her a morning text, she responds a few hours later with how rough her morning was cause her LTR ex had a breakdown that she had to deal with. Thats when it hits me - she's still living with her LTR ex. According to her, his breakdown was due to them not being together, and she confirms that she had allowed him to move back in since he couldn't afford his own place atm.

At this point, she texts me "bet you're ecstatic that you started talking to me after learning all of this". At the time, I was on a date with another girl, so I didn't respond right away, instead mulling it over to think about how I felt. Later, I straight up tell her that honestly, actively involved exes are generally giant red flags for me, but there was something about her that still had me excited to get to know her better. We continue our flirty banter, but we stop texting in the early evening on wednesday.

So today comes, the day of our supposed first date. Around noon, I send her a text to check in & see how her day is going. I get a response a few hours later - very short & cold. I then text her back that the bar we'd meeting at that night would be at a specific location. I don't hear any response. Now, keep in mind, the moment she'd agreed to 8:30 thursday night on tuesday, I was already convinced there was a greater than likely chance she was going to flake again. I was preparing myself for it. Sure enough, I go to the bar, wait. I hadn't received any word from her today outside of the short & curt text. So, at 8:35, I realize that she won't be coming, and leave.

Honestly, this is the first time i've ever been stood up for a date in my life, and i'm in my late 20s. I haven't texted or called her. The way I see it, theres no reason to - I got the message loud & clear. Sure, i'm here to vent, but also get some feedback as to where I went wrong & how to avoid such a situation going forward. I fully admit, she had way more of an idea of how I felt about her than i'm typically comfortable with when dealing with new girls in my life, but she had too; she had spent time on monday (after she'd flaked), telling me through texts all the reasons she was into me. So, dating age GAF, thoughts?

 

[Dylan Sexbang]

Ending up getting a bite to eat with the girl from OKC. Nothing happened dating wise, and that's okay! I really needed a friend out here, and if that's all I'm gunning for I am totally okay with that. She said next time we can find something to do other than grab a bite.

I miss Los Angeles.

 

[Llyranor]

Sure, i'm here to vent, but also get some feedback as to where I went wrong & how to avoid such a situation going forward. I fully admit, she had way more of an idea of how I felt about her than i'm typically comfortable with when dealing with new girls in my life, but she had too; she had spent time on monday (after she'd flaked), telling me through texts all the reasons she was into me. So, dating age GAF, thoughts?

Listen to your red flags. Even ignoring that she and your friend hooked up recently, this a girl living with her ex who already flaked on you once before she stood you up. Actions are greater than words. Who cares that she texted you all the reasons that she was 'into you'? And why did you keep getting so invested after the first flake?

Also, don't check your phone when you're on a date with another girl.

 

[SneakersSO]

Listen to your red flags. Even ignoring that she and your friend hooked up recently, this a girl living with her ex who already flaked on you once before she stood you up. Actions are greater than words. Who cares that she texted you all the reasons that she was 'into you'? And why did you keep getting so invested after the first flake?

Also, don't check your phone when you're on a date with another girl.

I didn't check my phone while I was on the date; thats just rude - I checked it right before I went in, while I was about to get out of my car.

And you're right, and I knew that my red flags were there for a reason. I've walked away from girls who showed interested when only one of those popped up in the past that I walked away from. I have no idea why this one got in my head, especially since nothing happened between us - just a good, flirty sunday night at a bar. I'm just as confused as to why I continued to get invested as I had been, although since her flake on monday, I was actively trying to reign myself in.

 

[Denzar]

I'm 25 and 2 years into my relationship. i'm very happy and couldn't have asked for a better "first" real relationship.

The problem is, I have nothing really to compare it too. Things seem to be getting serious, but if they do progress, she could potentially be the only women I ever slept with. I'm not really sure how I should feel about that. Has anyone been/are in a similar position?

Yes. I had my first everything when I was 19. First kiss, even. We were together for 3 years, and the feeling you have popped up after about a year. One important factor was that I wasn't in love with this girl. I liked her, the sex was alright, but I didn't really feel anything for her. I was 19 and never even touched a girl, so I thought "why not?". Didn't have the balls to break up because I know she loved me to bits.

In hindsight, I should've ended that relationship way earlier. The fun I had once we broke up... An entirely new world opened. Didn't miss her for a second.

Do you yearn for different women? Do you want to know what it's like? And most important of all, do you love her?

So continuing from my earlier post tonight, I've made a breakthrough. Decided to post this just in case someone shares my bizarro problem.

Growing up, the the feeling of romance was non-existent. It wasn't something that interest me at all. This was true until the age of 20 about to hit 21 in two months. After three encounters and discussions with a girl in my class; I fell for her, and hard. It went terribly, as I didn't know how to handle the situation nor such emotions flooding in at once. The events left me broken inside. It took about 4-5 months to seriously get over that, but even recently I woild think that I wish I ever took that class. Just because maybe just maybe my heart would still be locked shut and I wouldn't have to deal with this dating thing because I wouldn't care like I used to.

I tried a couple times afterwards. One wasn't interested, the other was just a waste of time in the end. Even so, each one, I'd always have trouble with them in a variety of ways that doesn't make sense due to the kind of person I am. I said it took me an hour and thirty minutes to decide if I would ask the girl out today. It was then did I realize my troubles and why this whole dating things has been bothering so much.

It wasn't the fact that I don't have a girlfriend or rejection, it's that until today I was still fighting the idea that I could fall for someone. It doesn't seem natural after being so unemotional about it for so long. It feels out of character, and therefore my behavior gets screwed up being I feel like it isn't me. Tonight I concede. I can't keep going in a circle. I now recognize that I'm a normal functioning human that wants to be loved like everyone else.

Just being honest here. When I said that to myself, I felt a huge burden off my shoulder. Very peaceful.

With the past behind me, k hope to have good stories for you all from this point.

That's alright man. I guess you were just protecting yourself.

Fair warning - Long post incoming.

So, been lurking the Dating/Online Dating Age Forums. Thought i'd join in the conversation. Figured after tonight, this would be a great place to just vent and maybe try & gain some understanding as to what I may or may not have done wrong, although its just as likely nothing to do with me.

So, I wound up meeting a girl at a bar last sunday after a friend invites me out to meet a larger group of friends. At the start, this girl seemed to know my friend who invited me, but was keeping her distance from our larger group. Didn't pay her no mind at first, but she got my attention when I went to the bar to grab another drink. We wind up having great chemistry, and talk for a few hours, with people chiming in here & there. She gives me her number towards the end, and I feel like we're vibing. Now, its towards the end of the night, when people decide they are gonna go, that I realize I should probably ask how she knows our group of friends, the answer to which was she had hooked up with the friend who had invited me out about 2 months ago off Tinder. Apparently he wasn't interested in her & cut it off a few weeks prior, but was still inviting her out to get together's & whatnot.

Typically, i'm not the kind of guy who likes to go after any of my friend's prior girls, regardless of how they feel, so this revelation was my own 1st red flag. After that, the topic naturally extends to recent exes, and it turns out that she still had a serious LTR ex that was actively in the picture (although the full extent of which wouldn't be revealed until this wednesday morning). Now, actively involved exes, even the scope of which she had initially revealed on Sunday, is another red flag for me. I knew it was stupid to forgo my own built-up reservations, but just going off her body language, I could tell there was something about our chemistry she was really enjoying, as was I, so I decided to sweet talk her on the way out and possibly setup an initial date for the next day.

So, monday comes. Her texts alter between really curt (like when I texted her after we both left that very night), to flirty & very interested the next day. We make tentative plans to meet up that night, although she flakes. At this point, I knew I was in trouble. I couldn't get her off my mind, despite me already being in the process of talking/casually dating two other girls. I decide to pull back, and only text during the day. A small talk text that leads into us making plans for tonight occurs on tuesday night. Wednesday, when I send her a morning text, she responds a few hours later with how rough her morning was cause her LTR ex had a breakdown that she had to deal with. Thats when it hits me - she's still living with her LTR ex. According to her, his breakdown was due to them not being together, and she confirms that she had allowed him to move back in since he couldn't afford his own place atm.

At this point, she texts me "bet you're ecstatic that you started talking to me after learning all of this". At the time, I was on a date with another girl, so I didn't respond right away, instead mulling it over to think about how I felt. Later, I straight up tell her that honestly, actively involved exes are generally giant red flags for me, but there was something about her that still had me excited to get to know her better. We continue our flirty banter, but we stop texting in the early evening on wednesday.

So today comes, the day of our supposed first date. Around noon, I send her a text to check in & see how her day is going. I get a response a few hours later - very short & cold. I then text her back that the bar we'd meeting at that night would be at a specific location. I don't hear any response. Now, keep in mind, the moment she'd agreed to 8:30 thursday night on tuesday, I was already convinced there was a greater than likely chance she was going to flake again. I was preparing myself for it. Sure enough, I go to the bar, wait. I hadn't received any word from her today outside of the short & curt text. So, at 8:35, I realize that she won't be coming, and leave.

Honestly, this is the first time i've ever been stood up for a date in my life, and i'm in my late 20s. I haven't texted or called her. The way I see it, theres no reason to - I got the message loud & clear. Sure, i'm here to vent, but also get some feedback as to where I went wrong & how to avoid such a situation going forward. I fully admit, she had way more of an idea of how I felt about her than i'm typically comfortable with when dealing with new girls in my life, but she had too; she had spent time on monday (after she'd flaked), telling me through texts all the reasons she was into me. So, dating age GAF, thoughts?

Seems to me you gave it more than a fair shot, man. You did well in realising that this was probably not going to turn out well, but you went for it anyways. There's nothing I would've done in a different manner.

 

[The Wall]

The wall,

The guy ever reply back?

Yup! I just gave myself a harmless, mini-panic attack because I hadn't had caffeine in a while before having a ton around the time that happened. Shocked my system a bit. Lesson learned.

We've been text buddies and should hang out soon. From the sounds of some things, we both need an impartial friend in our lives. He's been great. I have a feeling I got lucky in that he has the sort of outlook where he doesn't push or hold onto negative stuff. I've gotten used to bad relationship dynamics where puts downs, abuse or manipulation was common- I'm getting none of this off him so far. We just feel like two friends. I'm surprised how quickly we got to that point.

We've both been through some rough times semi-recently, so we've been understanding and supportive of the other.

(Thanks man.)

 

[Pasta_Soup]

Fair warning - Long post incoming....

Aside from the gigantic, flaming red flags scattered throughout this entire story (that you even observed yourself), the fact that she didn't even respond after you texted to confirm the location/time of the date was the biggest indicator that she was done. Never go to a date location without getting confirmation from the other person (let alone a person with this much bullshit already thrown in your face before an actual first date).

All in all, not a big deal. You seemed to have kept a level head for the most part. You dodged a bullet in the end.

 

[Prologue]

Yes. I had my first everything when I was 19. First kiss, even. We were together for 3 years, and the feeling you have popped up after about a year. One important factor was that I wasn't in love with this girl. I liked her, the sex was alright, but I didn't really feel anything for her. I was 19 and never even touched a girl, so I thought "why not?". Didn't have the balls to break up because I know she loved me to bits.

In hindsight, I should've ended that relationship way earlier. The fun I had once we broke up... An entirely new world opened. Didn't miss her for a second.

Do you yearn for different women? Do you want to know what it's like? And most important of all, do you love her?



That's alright man. I guess you were just protecting yourself.


Seems to me you gave it more than a fair shot, man. You did well in realising that this was probably not going to turn out well, but you went for it anyways. There's nothing I would've done in a different manner.

Yes, I was in a six year relationship with my first girl. She had slept with a handful of people, but she was the only girl I had gone that far with. It bothered her quite a bit and is possibly a small part of why we broke up. I think she felt that I surely wanted to sleep with other people, which I found offensive.

Can you be comfortable with the reality that she might be your only one? I felt that I was as long as I was happy with her. Now it's not really an issue since we are no longer together.

I had little things that never amounted to anything. She's just been a breath of fresh air in my life. If things don't work out with her, the next person has to be like her or better. Its like going from eating a mcdonalds every day to eating at a 5 star restaurant lol. Maybe I'm not mature enough to appreciate what I have and run with it.

 

[Cudder]

I had little things that never amounted to anything. She's just been a breath of fresh air in my life. If things don't work out with her, the next person has to be like her or better. Its like going from eating a mcdonalds every day to eating at a 5 star restaurant lol. Maybe I'm not mature enough to appreciate what I have and run with it.

 

[User 479360]

I might have a date with one of the other girls this weekend. I wanted to meet her, otherwise I'd be wondering.

Still feels wrong, but it isn't.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I had little things that never amounted to anything. She's just been a breath of fresh air in my life. If things don't work out with her, the next person has to be like her or better. Its like going from eating a mcdonalds every day to eating at a 5 star restaurant lol. Maybe I'm not mature enough to appreciate what I have and run with it.

That's just how it seems now. I can guarantee you'll find someone just as good if it doesn't work out.

You can't can't compare every woman that comes after against her though, you'll have to be able to let them be themselves and show you how good they are on their own merits.

 

[Denzar]

I had little things that never amounted to anything. She's just been a breath of fresh air in my life. If things don't work out with her, the next person has to be like her or better. Its like going from eating a mcdonalds every day to eating at a 5 star restaurant lol. Maybe I'm not mature enough to appreciate what I have and run with it.

Sounds to me like you really love this lady, so I don't think you should be thinking of moving on. That said, it's only natural, in my opninion, that you're interested in other women and adventures. Especially if this is your first foray into love and romance. Basically, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

[SneakersSO]

I had little things that never amounted to anything. She's just been a breath of fresh air in my life. If things don't work out with her, the next person has to be like her or better. Its like going from eating a mcdonalds every day to eating at a 5 star restaurant lol. Maybe I'm not mature enough to appreciate what I have and run with it.

Dude, appreciate what you have and run with it. Most of us in here are ultimately attempting to find something similar to what you have, in our own respective ways & time periods. It happened while you're younger & relatively inexperienced, but in some ways thats very fortunate for you.

Ask yourself this - you're on dating gaf, and you come across some of the really horrible dating encounters we share on here. Is that something you'd want to go through? I wish things worked out significantly better with my last bad romantic encounter. Now I, and all others who suffer bad experiences, gotta go back out there & potentially go through it again. Then again, we might get lucky and find someone so special we don't ever have to look anywhere else.

 

[gwailo]

I'm just as confused as to why I continued to get invested as I had been, although since her flake on monday, I was actively trying to reign myself in.

Your head know it wasn't going to work, but your dick wanted to take a shot. Many times, especially with younger guys, the dick wins in that argument.

The times she was curt/cold/flakey were probably when her ex was next to her. I suspect the ex isn't really an ex, it's more of a case of a LTR fizzling out and the girl is playing the field/seeing what's out there before breaking off things completely.

 

[Lgndryhr]

Stumbled on this OT and have been reading a few pages. Pretty cool people in here.

So my story is I have been divorced for over 1 year now. Marriage was terrible. Moved back home and had to start over. Filed bankruptcy right after divorce because she screwed me over so bad. She was my first sex partner and third serious relationship. I used to believe in saving sex until marriage, but she fucked up my thinking on that. I do not feel that way anymore.

Anyways, I've been on a few tinder dates and blind dates since then. All terrible except one, but she is in and out of my life. One date that went great, planned second date, and now hear from her randomly. It is always flirty and friendly. If I startup conversation it is cold, but if she does she talks for hours.

I've cancelled the last few tinder dates lately due to just not feeling it or really think about it. I enjoyed my freedom before marriage and life was great. Life has been great since my divorce. I have a lunch date tomorrow and contemplating cancelling it. I want to date then as I think about it I'd rather spend my time and money on my car. I race my car and enjoy turning a wrench as a hobby. I also do what I want without having to work around another person's schedule. My marriage I put myself in for not seeing the signs makes it hard for me to go back to "sharing."

A few of my friends have said it might be good for me to meet someone and try it out. I also never did the get under someone to get over someone.

Wanted to see what you all think. Thanks!

 

[SneakersSO]

Your head know it wasn't going to work, but your dick wanted to take a shot. Many times, especially with younger guys, the dick wins in that argument.

The times she was curt/cold/flakey were probably when her ex was next to her. I suspect the ex isn't really an ex, it's more of a case of a LTR fizzling out and the girl is playing the field/seeing what's out there before breaking off things completely.

She kept reiterating how over it was the two times her LTR ex was brought up, but I absolutely had inklings of 'thou doth protest too much'. And yeah, I absolutely think that she tries to hide her dating around him, cause whenever she was at her other job (they own a business together, so he works at the store she works at, but she also has a separate job she works sometimes), she would freely text me.

Had she told me on Sunday night her LTR ex was still living with her, I would have NEVER asked for her number. She had mentioned they were working together, but that they tried to work opposing shifts. But when you're both co-owners of a store, thats nonsense.

As for my dick wanting to take a shot, you're right, but there is an even greater irony here - she isn't anywhere near as hot as either of the girls i'm also casually dating. Honestly, there was just something about the chemistry in that initial encounter on Sunday that just lingered. I just felt so at ease with her. Like I wasn't putting on airs or anything, I was just being myself. I'm getting there with the other girls, but its a slower process with them.

I also really wanna thank Dating GAF. Ya'll have been a fantastic outlet, and have been great at really helping me just move past all this.

 

[SneakersSO]

Stumbled on this OT and have been reading a few pages. Pretty cool people in here.

So my story is I have been divorced for over 1 year now. Marriage was terrible. Moved back home and had to start over. Filed bankruptcy right after divorce because she screwed me over so bad. She was my first sex partner and third serious relationship. I used to believe in saving sex until marriage, but she fucked up my thinking on that. I do not feel that way anymore.

Anyways, I've been on a few tinder dates and blind dates since then. All terrible except one, but she is in and out of my life. One date that went great, planned second date, and now hear from her randomly. It is always flirty and friendly. If I startup conversation it is cold, but if she does she talks for hours.

I've cancelled the last few tinder dates lately due to just not feeling it or really think about it. I enjoyed my freedom before marriage and life was great. Life has been great since my divorce. I have a lunch date tomorrow and contemplating cancelling it. I want to date then as I think about it I'd rather spend my time and money on my car. I race my car and enjoy turning a wrench as a hobby. I also do what I want without having to work around another person's schedule. My marriage I put myself in for not seeing the signs makes it hard for me to go back to "sharing."

A few of my friends have said it might be good for me to meet someone and try it out. I also never did the get under someone to get over someone.

Wanted to see what you all think. Thanks!

Honestly, a lot about your situation sounds like you're ready to springboard into dating. Or, at least, you're really well positioned to. I feel like you should really explore your reservations a bit more. I've spoken to a lot of divorced guys, and one of the most consistent things I noticed is the initial mental hang up with dating once they were single again, because of what it may lead to. See, you went through an awful divorce, and while obviously theres a lot to that, its important to separate any hesitation you get from getting to know new women with a potentially devastating experience you just went through.

Then again, its not like you're hesitating in getting committed to these girls, just that you're hesitant to date, period. Maybe dating isn't what you need right now. Divorce is a traumatic experience, and maybe all you need is some healing time, and some sex. Try & change your approach with women you meet in online & in RL. I'm not saying tell them that you're not emotionally available, but see how an initial date or two goes, and then make that judgement based on how you feel. If the girl is okay with a purely physical relationship, then great - you get some healing time + sex. If not, then thats okay too; you both walk away before anything gets too serious.

 

[Daft Bird]

Having a coffee date today, it's been a while. Any good tips. I'm a bit nervous.

 

[User 479360]

Scheduling a date for this Sunday. This girl is cool.

She doesn't like the idea of the guy paying (this came up because she said she's broke and will only agree to go with me paying if she can pay half next time). I like that.

Then again, the other girl I've been dating has offered to buy/pay for her things (coffee, mini golf) but I've paid. She did buy me a coffee the 2nd date. So, they're both modern.

 

[dralla]

I had two OKC dates this week and boy, were they total opposites.

First was on Monday. She had a nice profile and she was fun to text with but I was concerned about being physically attracted to her since her pictures were a bit hit and miss. When she showed up it was obvious she used older pictures as she put on some weight, but she was still pretty cute and was into her appearance. But holy mother of God was she dreadful to "talk" to. She literally did not ask me a question the whole date except for one..."...soo what do you do?" She answered all her questions in one word and this is no exaggeration. She mentioned she lived with her parents so I asked her if she was close with her family and she said "..ish". I swear to God that was her whole answer, it was like pulling teeth trying to talk to this girl. I carried the date the best I could but I threw in the towel after about two hours (we met at a bar).

As I'm saying goodbye I look down at my phone and I see I get a text from another OKC girl who I'd given my number too. It was perfect timing. Her pictures on her profile are great, her profile is funny and witty, and the texting was fun and flirty and it got a little sexual. We seemed to click in text really well. So we met up last night for some drinks and hit it off immediately. Everything from the texting carried over to in-person and she's damn attractive. She mentioned she likes hockey and that the Rangers are playing tonight. I asked if she wanted to come back to my place to watch and explain hockey to me, she agreed. I kissed her before we left. Everything went pretty damn great, the sex was awesome. She's a bit young (22, and I'm 30) and shes going to law school (most likely away from home) in the Fall so it won't be a long term, but that's cool, I will enjoy it while I can.

 

[SneakersSO]

Having a coffee date today, it's been a while. Any good tips. I'm a bit nervous.

Even though she may not show it in any immediately recognizable form, she is probably as insecure & as nervous as your are, if not more-so.

 

[Jokab]

Having a coffee date today, it's been a while. Any good tips. I'm a bit nervous.

Silence is natural. Just think of a new topic or continue with the present one.
If you have the chance, get slightly physical. Touch her (just gonna assume it's a her for convenience) back when walking through doors, touch her arm if she says something funny. Playfully bump into her when walking etc.
Let her do most of the talking. People love to talk about themselves. Ask questions, but for god's sake don't make it an interview. Ask a question, just as an example what her best trip was, listen to the answer, perhaps make a comment and then tell a story of your own. Also do reflection, that shit is wild.
Talk passionately about your passions. I might get quoted on this but perhaps don't (for example) lay out your anime obsession and how you've watched this anime and this anime unless she's also a fan. If the subject comes up, talk about how anime makes you feel, why you like it (again dunno if you're a fan but many people on here are) etc.
Eye contact. Speak clearly.

I might have more but that's the basics.

 

[Lgndryhr]

Honestly, a lot about your situation sounds like you're ready to springboard into dating. Or, at least, you're really well positioned to. I feel like you should really explore your reservations a bit more. I've spoken to a lot of divorced guys, and one of the most consistent things I noticed is the initial mental hang up with dating once they were single again, because of what it may lead to. See, you went through an awful divorce, and while obviously theres a lot to that, its important to separate any hesitation you get from getting to know new women with a potentially devastating experience you just went through.

Then again, its not like you're hesitating in getting committed to these girls, just that you're hesitant to date, period. Maybe dating isn't what you need right now. Divorce is a traumatic experience, and maybe all you need is some healing time, and some sex. Try & change your approach with women you meet in online & in RL. I'm not saying tell them that you're not emotionally available, but see how an initial date or two goes, and then make that judgement based on how you feel. If the girl is okay with a purely physical relationship, then great - you get some healing time + sex. If not, then thats okay too; you both walk away before anything gets too serious.

I am divided on dating. I want to get back into, but I am very hesitant. I have a hard time trusting women now. I only trust a few women in my life and that's because they have always been honest to me and were there for me before and after marriage. Yes it is hard to get back into dating. I am slowly getting better at separating my previous experience from future women.

Exactly! A good woman friend has said I need to get laid before moving onto a serious relationship. She and I have been great friends for a long time. She is a like a sister to me. I would attempt this except the fact I live with my parents right now and find it difficult. Perhaps it is not as much of a hangup as I think. So far all women I've met on Tinder have wanted a relationship that can turn into marriage and I am not in NO RUSH to marry again. I am 26 and turning 27 in April so I am meeting some women too that are worried about their internal clock and want kids by 30. I hear that and immediately lose interest. Babies and two door muscle cars do not mix, lol. This new girl I have a lunch date with tomorrow I am not sure. Maybe it will help me better see if it is worth it after meeting. She has been busy with going back to school and is a nurse. So she has days where she doesn't text much or has gaps between replies. I called once and she was too busy to talk. She think my southern accent is attractive though. I think she is nervous as well because she has been out of a relationship for some time. Her last one was serious and 8 months ago.

 

[The Wall]

I am divided on dating. I want to get back into, but I am very hesitant. I have a hard time trusting women now. I only trust a few women in my life and that's because they have always been honest to me and were there for me before and after marriage. Yes it is hard to get back into dating. I am slowly getting better at separating my previous experience from future women.

No matter how or why your marriage ended badly, don't be too hard on yourself. Often, all the things that bothered both sides but were never addressed between the couple or professionally, starts coming out a good year or two after the marriage when people try to get themselves back out there. It's in trying to get yourself in a dating environment or close to another woman, that you can be set off into distrusting, negative emotions. Work through those as best you can so you're not taking out your marriage failing on anyone new you try to let in. Best wishes.

 

[SneakersSO]

I am divided on dating. I want to get back into, but I am very hesitant. I have a hard time trusting women now. I only trust a few women in my life and that's because they have always been honest to me and were there for me before and after marriage. Yes it is hard to get back into dating. I am slowly getting better at separating my previous experience from future women.

Exactly! A good woman friend has said I need to get laid before moving onto a serious relationship. She and I have been great friends for a long time. She is a like a sister to me. I would attempt this except the fact I live with my parents right now and find it difficult. Perhaps it is not as much of a hangup as I think. So far all women I've met on Tinder have wanted a relationship that can turn into marriage and I am not in NO RUSH to marry again. I am 26 and turning 27 in April so I am meeting some women too that are worried about their internal clock and want kids by 30. I hear that and immediately lose interest. Babies and two door muscle cars do not mix, lol. This new girl I have a lunch date with tomorrow I am not sure. Maybe it will help me better see if it is worth it after meeting. She has been busy with going back to school and is a nurse. So she has days where she doesn't text much or has gaps between replies. I called once and she was too busy to talk. She think my southern accent is attractive though. I think she is nervous as well because she has been out of a relationship for some time. Her last one was serious and 8 months ago.

I would say your needing to have some sex will help you learning to both trust, and trust yourself, with women again. There are a lot of women in online dating that state exactly that, but you'd be surprised how many are also willing to initiate a purely physical relationship with someone until that right person comes along. Yes, that does mean that, were you to start a purely physical relationship with someone, they'd likely eventually leave because they'll continue seeking someone out that can give them what they need emotionally. However, you're going into this with that knowledge in hand, so it shouldn't be so much a betrayal as acceptance of an eventuality.

I say, go on the dates, but try and find ways to be more 'transparent' about what you're really looking for. Try & take things to a sexual place, without putting emphasis on it being a milestone for you both. Treat it casually, and hopefully she'll take your lead. If a woman is wanting to take things more seriously, be truthful with her. Obviously, the hardest part about telling the truth is you might go from having a steady hook-up to none in the matter of a single conversation, but forcing yourself to get to a serious place before you're really ready to have that yet is just gonna be painful for everyone involved in the long run.

If she's a nurse, then don't let the gap in communication bug ya; people in the medical field are easily the hardest people to have a consistent, constant stream of communication. Not only that, but you two are JUST starting off. Save some of those early comments for when you two are face to face, and you can better react what she is saying with her body language & facial expressions.

 

[Lgndryhr]

No matter how or why your marriage ended badly, don't be too hard on yourself. Often, all the things that bothered both sides but were never addressed between the couple or professionally, starts coming out a good year or two after the marriage when people try to get themselves back out there. It's in trying to get yourself in a dating environment or close to another woman, that you can be set off into distrusting, negative emotions. Work through those as best you can so you're not taking out your marriage failing on anyone new you try to let in. Best wishes.

I feel like I've gotten past the hard on myself part of the marriage. I am the one that filed for divorce, moved out that same day, and blocker her from my life almost immediately. All I do is get angry at her now when someone brings it up. I do my best to control that anger or tell them I do not want to talk about it. Yes that has happened to me during dates where they show signs of my ex-wife and I immediately am done. I usually call or text the woman after the date and let them know it was nice meeting them but just was not feeling the chemistry.

I would say your needing to have some sex will help you learning to both trust, and trust yourself, with women again. There are a lot of women in online dating that state exactly that, but you'd be surprised how many are also willing to initiate a purely physical relationship with someone until that right person comes along. Yes, that does mean that, were you to start a purely physical relationship with someone, they'd likely eventually leave because they'll continue seeking someone out that can give them what they need emotionally. However, you're going into this with that knowledge in hand, so it shouldn't be so much a betrayal as acceptance of an eventuality.

I say, go on the dates, but try and find ways to be more 'transparent' about what you're really looking for. Try & take things to a sexual place, without putting emphasis on it being a milestone for you both. Treat it casually, and hopefully she'll take your lead. If a woman is wanting to take things more seriously, be truthful with her. Obviously, the hardest part about telling the truth is you might go from having a steady hook-up to none in the matter of a single conversation, but forcing yourself to get to a serious place before you're really ready to have that yet is just gonna be painful for everyone involved in the long run.

If she's a nurse, then don't let the gap in communication bug ya; people in the medical field are easily the hardest people to have a consistent, constant stream of communication. Not only that, but you two are JUST starting off. Save some of those early comments for when you two are face to face, and you can better react what she is saying with her body language & facial expressions.

How does sex do that? And I am not shocked at that. I've met a few women that claim no sex and almost by third day of talking things start turning sexual in our conversations, And I understand a physical relationship is not forever and am perfectly okay with that. Lust only lasts so long especially when you seek love once you are past lust.

I tell women up front I am looking for someone to have fun with, take things slow, share fun experiences and adventures together, and someone who doesn't mind being my copilot in my car. I agree on not dragging a woman out or the relationship out. Not fair to either and only makes it more painful as you said.

Oh I don't. Was just giving you some back info on her. I was wrong opps. She is just in nursing school. Regardless I know they stay busy. I asked her to lunch because I prefer face to face conversation and she was happy to say yes.

 

[PFD]

I'm not going to use those lol

I dunno man, free is free

 

[The Wall]

I feel like I've gotten past the hard on myself part of the marriage. I am the one that filed for divorce, moved out that same day, and blocker her from my life almost immediately. All I do is get angry at her now when someone brings it up. I do my best to control that anger or tell them I do not want to talk about it. Yes that has happened to me during dates where they show signs of my ex-wife and I immediately am done. I usually call or text the woman after the date and let them know it was nice meeting them but just was not feeling the chemistry.

Have you talked to any friends about it? Sometimes, if you're still in mental conflict and not properly over your ex-wife, the psychic pain will follow you and colour your perception of these other women in unfair ways. It sounds like you're not ready quite yet or could use a little help getting over this better. I PM'd you.

 

[SneakersSO]

How does sex do that? .

It does it by partaking in positive & enjoyable experiences with women, as opposed to the heavily traumatic one you yourself just went through. You're only going to get past all of the lingering damage that was built-up via the divorce by entering into situations with women you are interested in, and allowing yourself to be ever-increasingly vulnerable.

 

[Lgndryhr]

Have you talked to any friends about it? Sometimes, if you're still in mental conflict and not properly over your ex-wife, the psychic pain will follow you and colour your perception of these other women in unfair ways. It sounds like you're not ready quite yet or could use a little help getting over this better. I PM'd you.

Yes I have a few friends and family we talk about it periodically. I get less frustrated than I used to when talking about, but I still get angry. I can see how that might follow me too and be unfair to women as well as myself.

It does it by partaking in positive & enjoyable experiences with women, as opposed to the heavily traumatic one you yourself just went through. You're only going to get past all of the lingering damage that was built-up via the divorce by entering into situations with women you are interested in, and allowing yourself to be ever-increasingly vulnerable.

That makes sense. It helps my mind associate positive things with women and replace the negative in my mind from my ex. And that makes sense too. I spend most of my time hanging out with my car friends (majority guys) or playing video games with buddies. I rarely spend time with women now.

 

[Escape Goat]

Saw a guy Monday. Texts me after I left how much he had fun. Today he just wants to be friends. I cant keep up!

 

[SneakersSO]

Saw a guy Monday. Texts me after I left how much he had fun. Today he just wants to be friends. I cant keep up!

Well, talk about it. Something must have occurred during the 3 days between then & now to warrant the change of heart.

 

[Escape Goat]

Well, talk about it. Something must have occurred during the 3 days between then & now to warrant the change of heart.

We werent that far along to ask for an explanation. Im just more confused than anything else. I guess simplest answer is he met someone else.

 

[Coda]

Starting to get hopeless with online dating. OKC seems kind of barren these days and Tinder is basically an exercise in patience and willpower.

 

[Ezduo]

Anyone have any tips for coping when your ex starts dating your best friend? Feeling pretty insecure about the whole thing and are just wondering how others have handled the situation. Can't help but feel like they're now closer than I ever was with either of them while simultaneously feeling that my friend is succeeding where I failed miserably. And she's even living with us now so it's like staring at all my insecurities in the face every morning. It's been pretty emotionally exhausting trying to force myself not to care or think about it.

 

[Llyranor]

Anyone have any tips for coping when your ex starts dating your best friend? Feeling pretty insecure about the whole thing and are just wondering how others have handled the situation. Can't help but feel like they're now closer than I ever was with either of them while simultaneously feeling that my friend is succeeding where I failed miserably. And she's even living with us now so it's like staring at all my insecurities in the face every morning. It's been pretty emotionally exhausting trying to force myself not to care or think about it.

How did that living arrangement work out? Move out ASAP (or her, whichever). You don't need a constant reminder that will slow your healing process.

Also, more importantly, move on. Find other things to keep you busy, get a new hobby, hit the gym, meet new girls. Once you've moved on, whatever she's doing won't matter.

 

[SneakersSO]

We werent that far along to ask for an explanation. Im just more confused than anything else. I guess simplest answer is he met someone else.

Not an explanation from him! HAHA

I mean, are you telling me you guys had zero contact in the 3 days between then and now? There had to have been something going on between you two. If there was no contact, maybe that was his problem

 

[Ezduo]

How did that living arrangement work out? Move out ASAP (or her, whichever). You don't need a constant reminder that will slow your healing process.

Also, more importantly, move on. Find other things to keep you busy, get a new hobby, hit the gym, meet new girls. Once you've moved on, whatever she's doing won't matter.

Long ridiculous series of events that involved her roommates moving away, my friend offering her our couch and then her losing her job while my friend entered a dead period in his feild which basically means they've had nothing better to do than chill together getting drunk/high all day.

Renewed my gym membership this morning though and I bought a notebook so I can start writing lyrics and songs so I'll hopefully have plenty to keep me busy. Just trying my best to remind myself that they're both adults and neither is purposely trying to hurt me or anything. It's just been an incredibly bizzare thing to witness.

 

[Messofanego]

We werent that far along to ask for an explanation. Im just more confused than anything else. I guess simplest answer is he met someone else.

He found new dick.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Yeah, it turns out she really was sick and was stressed from studying for her equivalent of the bar exam. She apologized and we're getting together next week (since her mother's visiting this weekend). I admit that I was a little bummed for half a day, but then I coped by working out and grabbing dinner with a friend. It's important not to --

Exactly this. I'll caveat this with the following: not putting all of your eggs in one basket doesn't necessarily mean dating others. But it means productively occupying your time well enough (and legitimately being satisfied with doing so) that you can recognize a budding relationship for what it is: something that's not actually there yet.

I mean, in hindsight this advice seems easy and obvious, but I wish I followed this sooner.

I realized my folly when a girl suggested rescheduling to her day off, and my mind instantly jumped to asking for that day off. Then I stopped and thought "what are you doing, you don't take a day off work on three days' notice just for a date, even if she is a great person." Yes, she's still interested in seeing me again but in the meantime, she has her life and I should have mine.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

Sorry, everyone here means well but it seems like we overextend when something strikes us as best idea.

It's kind of hard not to. Especially when most posters in here really want advice, but then never take it.

So if it did come off as pushing it's only because I thought you(leeness) should seriously consider the idea.

 

[User 479360]

Another girl who I'd been talking to over a week ago messaged me again tonight. I hadn't heard from her in a while, so I asked her what made her decide to message me, especially since she was out with friends. I thought she didn't want to talk anymore.

She said of course she did, but that she took a break because she was the only one 'texting.' I replied every time, but the conversations had no depth and calling them conversations would be stretching it, so I didn't think much of it.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

Another girl who I'd been talking to over a week ago messaged me again tonight. I hadn't heard from her in a while, so I asked her what made her decide to message me, especially since she was out with friends. I thought she didn't want to talk anymore.

She said of course she did, but that she took a break because she was the only one 'texting.' I replied every time, but the conversations had no depth and calling them conversations would be stretching it, so I didn't think much of it.

I wouldn't have asked her what made her decide to message you. Be direct and ask her out if you're interested in her.

 

[Cindro]

Oh my god

I just spent $10 on 5 OKC "Boosts" (I'm drunk and bored, give me a break)

After fifteen minutes, they gave me a 45 minute "bonus" boost period.

So an hour of "boosting" - guess how many visitors I got, with my profile I've spent at least seven hours on writing/polishing/making excellent?

ZERO

Wait, hold on, let me rephrase that

ZEEEEERRRROOOOOO. TEN DOLLARS FOR ZEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOO.

Out of my head and now I'm somewhere in oblivion

My swirls, OKC is just terrible these days

 

[SSJLuffy]

Is it possible to get out of the friendzone?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Another girl who I'd been talking to over a week ago messaged me again tonight. I hadn't heard from her in a while, so I asked her what made her decide to message me, especially since she was out with friends. I thought she didn't want to talk anymore.

She said of course she did, but that she took a break because she was the only one 'texting.' I replied every time, but the conversations had no depth and calling them conversations would be stretching it, so I didn't think much of it.

Ask her out.

Oh my god

I just spent $10 on 5 OKC "Boosts" (I'm drunk and bored, give me a break)

After fifteen minutes, they gave me a 45 minute "bonus" boost period.

So an hour of "boosting" - guess how many visitors I got, with my profile I've spent at least seven hours on writing/polishing/making excellent?

ZERO

Wait, hold on, let me rephrase that

ZEEEEERRRROOOOOO. TEN DOLLARS FOR ZEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOO.

My swirls, OKC is just terrible these days

Depends on where you live, I guess. I will say that Boosts are useful because they usually translate into Likes, and mutual Likes are guaranteed conversations. But, they're incredibly expensive and -- again -- unless you're in a large city, I suspect they're mostly worthless. Just message people like normal.

Wait, do you mean it's better to ask for her number instead of giving you her number?

Or am I getting this wrong; I always thought that giving my own number (and name) was the better move. That way they can answer if they can/want to, and I made the first move. If they don't answer, well... there's your answer.

That IS weird.

No, I mean you're overthinking what's a natural interaction. As I said before, I've never not gotten a number. If someone offers it first (over the course of online messaging), that's fine; if not, I'll offer mine and they'll reciprocate. In the real world, it's as simple as pulling out your phone and hitting the + button on the Contacts app during an appropriate moment in the conversation.

Obviously, then, you text her (either then or later) with something like, "Hey, it's Denzar. Save this number."