Friend zone isn't a thing. She just doesn't want to date you most likely
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Friend zone isn't a thing. She just doesn't want to date you most likely
I was reluctant to respond to this, but it kind of bothered me, so now I want to answer it.
So, after a few days, I kind of just figured that we are mutually ignoring each other. It feels strange. I posted in this thread before mentioning how she was behaving before we saw each other again.
I talk to almost everyone as if they are a friend, so I don't think that's a problem, but my main worry is that it may seem that I am coming off strong to her, especially after discussing such a little amount over a few weeks. She gestured to me that she was struggling with her project the other day, and me, being the guy that I am, blew it off and kind of laughed at her work.
I noticed that she was staying after to work on her project that same, and I felt inclined to check up on her and help her as I did in the class that we had before, but I had other stuff to do. That would have been the perfect time to connect with her, especially on a personal level.
Anyways, we're both going to be in a welding group together soon, so I'll talk to her next class.
I feel like I'm overanalyzing this, but I did notice how she hasn't been talking much at all during class. I guess she's just overwhelmed with it? I don't know.. Am I doing something wrong?
---
Another thing unrelated to that - I just reinvested in some proper boots. $110 for some Timberland Earthkeepers. They look damn amazing with some dark wash jeans.
I bought them for hiking mainly, but they look great for casual wear as well.
electricshake
Member
How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
Sure it is, if you aren't clear with your intentions. A girl can interpret (often rightfully so) what a guy thinks are advances as being friendly, and thinks he wants to be her friend when he actually wants to date.
Kill Your Masters
Member
Yes, don't be friends.
If you want to date him/her, your chances are better/higher if you are not friends. Plus being friends while having an interest in dating that person will probably make you miserable.
Taking notes. Deep breaths. Gathering courage.
Trying this tonight, If I see someone I fancy and muster up the balls to go and talk to her.
See, I'm that weird person who will mention, without wanting to give a 'false hope' line of thinking, that some people just become friends and can't/won't date under certain circumstances, but being good friends is the strong foundation that lead to serious, long term relationships down the road. Though I understand that this usually only happens with people who become friends "naturally", without any dating intentions present first, for whatever reason. I've seen it lead to marriage, even. It's why I think, depending on what you're looking for, many dating techniques cannot be considered hard rules to go by.
I've got another date today with the girl I've been seeing since NYE.
I'm just trying to go with the flow, but all my mind is thinking about is all of those wasted years up until now. I just don't feel ready for a relationship for this reason, but I'm trying to ignore such thoughts. I just want fun.
I also still have feelings for the previous girl I briefly went out with, which is certainly made worse since I see her around quite a bit...
Ughh.
I'm just trying to go with the flow, but all my mind is thinking about is all of those wasted years up until now. I just don't feel ready for a relationship for this reason, but I'm trying to ignore such thoughts. I just want fun.
I also still have feelings for the previous girl I briefly went out with, which is certainly made worse since I see her around quite a bit...
Ughh.
User 479360
Banned
I was just curious. I don't really see it going anywhere.
I might.
Later 20s.
Well I had a pretty swag first date on Thursday and she sent me a good morning text the next day lol. Felt like I was pretty in there, invited her to come to a small party with me and some buddies. Had a great time overall, and me and her got a bit touchy (rated PG of course there were people right there I'm not a barbarian). After we all left I got a text saying "sorry I didn't kiss you, I was nervous in front of __ lol. But soon! G'night! c: 💖"
Soooooo ye I guess I'm in there, cool cool cool. She's cool, really funny, nerdy, likes video games and anime and gets stupid internet jokes so we can laugh at that dumb shit together. Truth be told I don't really find her very attractive tho. Just kind of neutral on that front. She's not ugly. But her personality is cool and hell she's really into me so I guess that's attractive, haven't had that in a long fuckin while. But in all seriousness yeah I'm hopin with the appearance thing that she grows on me over time since I've had that happen before. She's going to the AASU banquet that my friends' band is performing in tonight, when I see her and that's over I might just ask if she wants to Netflix and chill at her place (not literally ask that don't worry but y'all know what I mean)
Soooooo ye I guess I'm in there, cool cool cool. She's cool, really funny, nerdy, likes video games and anime and gets stupid internet jokes so we can laugh at that dumb shit together. Truth be told I don't really find her very attractive tho. Just kind of neutral on that front. She's not ugly. But her personality is cool and hell she's really into me so I guess that's attractive, haven't had that in a long fuckin while. But in all seriousness yeah I'm hopin with the appearance thing that she grows on me over time since I've had that happen before. She's going to the AASU banquet that my friends' band is performing in tonight, when I see her and that's over I might just ask if she wants to Netflix and chill at her place (not literally ask that don't worry but y'all know what I mean)
electricshake
Member
Because you don't like her or because you think she doesn't like you? If it's the former then don't string her along, that's not cool. If it's the latter, don't make assumptions on how she feels - ask her out and see what happens. You keep complaining about your lack of experience, but you don't seem too willing to be proactive.
User 479360
Banned
Because of how the conversations have been going (it's basically been, "What are you up to?", "Working," "Oh, cool.") I wouldn't mind meeting her, but I don't know if she's my type and don't know if she's as intelligent as I normally look for to be frankly honest.
I wouldn't string her along, though. As I said, I didn't hear from her for days so I just assumed she'd lost interest like a lot of girls do.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Had a date last night with this amazing girl, we talked like 4-5 hours, not sure where to go from here
Too good to last I think
Too good to last I think
Miles Quaritch
Member
Is that how all the conversations have gone or just some? I mean, you can't expect every single one to be deep and meaningful...
Keep talking to her? More dates? Sex? Why don't you know where to go? Just make the logical progressions...and yes the honeymoon phase where it's too good to be true won't last probably. So enjoy it.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
For a first date I thought it was as good as it could get in terms of connecting, but for some reason I'm not sure if she felt how I did
Only one way to find out. Take her out again. Also if she wasn't feeling it she probably wouldn't have left after hour one.
User 479360
Banned
All of them
I've had much better conversations with the other girls I'm dating. (I say girls because I'm supposed to meet one tomorrow, but haven't heard what she wants to do.) The one I've been seeing seems to like me a lot and I don't want to hurt her, but I feel I owe it to myself to explore my options because I have more in common with girl 2.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You do and you should also do the right thing and cut this girl loose then. No need to draw it out any more than you have to.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Or I got friend zoned without realizing and she just enjoyed the company, which is what I'm afraid of
User 479360
Banned
Cut the girl with the poor conversation skills loose? Yeah, most likely. I want to meet her, though, if she's interested because you never know. But if I don't feel anything, I won't string her along.
I'm so new to this and have been so lonely for so long/still am, that it's hard for me. The girl I've dated for a few weeks likes me and I don't want to lose that, but I don't know if I see a long future with her.
This new girl who I'm to see tomorrow is more like me. But we'll see.
Please don't think of me as a bad person. I have and never will cheat. I'm still learning and always have conflicted emotions. I'm a very considerate, thoughtful and easygoing person, though, and I show respect to people I meet and date. I won't be an asshole.
Well should have kissed her at some point, or initiate some contact or flirtatious talking. Ask her out again and see what happens. Make it clear you like her but don't come on too strong. Don't pull a Jason ultimatum.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You're not a bad person. Come on dude. You're not committed to anyone, you can see as many girls as you want at the same time, just as those girls are free to see as many guys as they want.
Based on what you've said, it sounds like the first girl just isn't for you, but if you haven't met her yet you might as well give a shot. Maybe she's a better conversationalist in person.
It could be that she just doesn't like chatting too much through text and prefers to do it in person. I've encountered a couple of girls who were like that, they didn't invest too much in texting until they'd met someone and knew there was a connection.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I kissed on the cheek afterwards, I couldn't make much contact because of the seating arrangement we had. Cheek kiss means nothing
Move to her side to show her something on your phone, or even better play some silly game like comparing hand sizes. Don't leave after you are done showing her unless it's clear she wants you back on the other side. Seating arrangements are stupid easy to overcome.
ZackieChan
Member
Dude, you have to develop some self confidence. Girl talked with you for 5 hours. That's a good sign. However, I would have moved the date around to 2-3 places in that time. Last one being somewhere where you COULD touch or kiss.
But before you write the friendzone narrative in your head, ask her out on another date and find out for sure.
User 479360
Banned
I wish I wasn't afraid of kissing girls or making a move. I just have 0 confidence in it.
ZackieChan
Member
"Kissing girls" sounds like you're 13 years old. You should be moving beyond that by now, man.
And that's why you start slow with some touching, and increase it to the point where a kiss is just natural. If they pull away from any touching, move on.
User 479360
Banned
My dating experience and fears are stuck at that age. I never got to date in high school. I was always rejected and laughed at, and I never got to experience what other kids did during high school, or even college.
I had sex at 17 with a girl I'd met online and dated once. I had mono when we hung out, so I couldn't kiss her, but she did some stuff (kissed my neck). I invited her over to my friend's when we were home alone and drinking/smoking and we had sex, but then I didn't see her again. Then I met a girl online 11 years later, via OKC, and she abruptly wanted to meet, then told me she wanted me to stay over. I slept over 4 times, we had sex twice and that's all my experience. She told me I kissed like I was kissing my Mom, and was a nympho herself.
Going to see Pride and Prejudice and Zombies with this girl tomorrow. (The one I've had a date set with, not the poor conversationalist. Girl #1 is in Vermont for the weekend and we have plans to do something next week.)
ZackieChan
Member
It sounds like things are moving in the right direction. You just need to feel confident and work on your kissing 
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Lol. Don't trip. Fix it on the next date. 5 hours Is a good sign, but you should have done something more. Be assertive and confident.
Friend zone is a thing but has been mislabled. Friend zone is when you are attracted to somebody but they are in your circle of friends and you don't want to date them because it might make your social life awkward if it don't work out.
Its like dating coworkers. There's a chick in my social group who I'm attracted to but I wouldn't date as it could make things awkward plus other people might feel like third wheels when hanging out.
I keep my dating life and social life apart.
ZackieChan
Member
Why? We're literally telling you what to do. Grow some cojones, man.
That's not true at all. It's when a guy wants to be romantically involved with a woman, but that woman only sees the guy as a friend. So the guy continues being friends with the hope that one day she'll realize that she loved him all along. The Wall says it's possible, but it's highly, highly unlikely. It's where guys who aren't assertive in their desires get stuck. It's 100% a thing - I've been in it many times.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Yeah, don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Usually I'm not like that, but I thought she was so great I psyched myself out
I think I don't understand the dynamic very well, but I've been learning. I guess what I was trying to get across is that if men are shutting off from the idea/concept of friendship with a woman, it will immediately colour their actions towards her in a way that might be bad if someone is interested in something long term. I am a huge tomboy, and struggled with losing the male friends I made growing up when my tits started to grow and I got a figure, so my understanding of these sorts of things would probably be considered flawed for most conventional relationships and friendships.
ZackieChan
Member
Men and women are perfectly capable of being friends. I have plenty. But when I have romantic feelings, friendship is difficult.
User 479360
Banned
Same here
People tell me they just want to be friends and it's hard/I don't have much interest, because the attraction is or was there and it doesn't feel natural.
There was a girl I spoke about in this thread a while back, and I met her once after about six months of talking on and off. She added me to Facebook before this. And when we met things went really well, but I've hardly heard from her again and she shies away from the question of doing things because she's busy. (I don't know if it's as much me as it is her, to be honest, because she also has depression and doesn't seem to go out or date much.)
I'm strongly considering just deleting her, but haven't because I did kind of like her and have been holding out hope out of loneliness.
Then, another girl asked to add me and we spoke a bit, but I never really heard from her so I deleted her.
Another one I was talking to a lot a while back messaged me out of the blue and asked if I still wanted to meet, then she didn't reply. We spoke recently, and she says she gets nervous before dates then doesn't reply.
Cancelled tinder date for today. She understood then today started talking about how she was already talking to someone anyways. Didn't phase me, but she keeps talking to me. Before she was quiet. Guess she doesn't take well being the one let go instead of her letting the guy go.
Have a different date tonight. Previously tinder date last year that went well but fizzled afterwards. She randomly flirts through text with me but never commits before when I'd ask to do something or had an excuse. Last night asked her to grab a beer or bite to eat. She said today works. She's very nervous again. Dunno why. She was very nervous last time.
Have a different date tonight. Previously tinder date last year that went well but fizzled afterwards. She randomly flirts through text with me but never commits before when I'd ask to do something or had an excuse. Last night asked her to grab a beer or bite to eat. She said today works. She's very nervous again. Dunno why. She was very nervous last time.
Miles Quaritch
Member
I personally wouldn't engage. Sounds like she might want to try and get something going again only to either block you or reject you. It's honestly surprising how badly some people take being rejected and the lengths they'll go to to make sure they are the one who is doing the rejecting.
I responded once and stopped responding. I figure she'll get the answer. And yea some people's ego's are too large.
I am just not getting any traction. What is the deal with mutual OKC likes who completely ignore you?
The first i could chalk up to my error, first message i had sent in months and i made an unforced error or two.
I just don't come off well in digital communication, maybe. Getting over the hurdle and towards something irl, idk. That's why i need to reach out and figure out who to meet girls offline.
The first i could chalk up to my error, first message i had sent in months and i made an unforced error or two.
I just don't come off well in digital communication, maybe. Getting over the hurdle and towards something irl, idk. That's why i need to reach out and figure out who to meet girls offline.
She may have just liked you and thought it wouldn't kill her to try a message or two.
Generally means someone liked your profile off a cursory glance and didn't like it as much on an in-depth look. Or the message you sent sucked. Hard to say without knowing what you sent or what your profile looks like.
The second one has more of an explanation too, they liked me weeks ago and I didn't like what i saw in the notification email, then when i ran back across them in quickmatch, i did. Could make it come off like i'm playing games or something.
First messages for me are usually just on-point reactions to something in their profile. "Oh, you like waffles, have you tried Pete's Waffle House on 6th?", shit like that, though usually more in depth.
I have gotten a few dates out of this before, so i'm probably just feeling impatient now that i'm starting back up again.
Getting used to digital talk and how you want to come across as "you" just takes time and practice sometimes. Do you live in a fairly large city? Are there any local events or gatherings advertised in a park, at a large gym/community centre, school, etc? If the city is big enough you might be able to find somewhere that sets up speed dating nights at a local cafe, bar, restaurant or hotel banquet room? While it might be a lot for you to deal with at first, it's a great way to get out of your shell and get more experience talking to women in a dating-driven atmosphere.
That's definitely a thought that crossed my mind. I do live in a big city, i just haven't had the time until recently (got out of grad school in December), so trying OKC again has just been my first line out of what should be a much larger pool of options now.
I rarely have luck when I start off with something that specific. Mentioning a specific place could feel like you're trying to springboard into a date too early.
What's worked for me is finding a fairly high level topic that they'd enjoy and asking a question based off that...like if they continuously said they like coffee, "Which would you rather happen? You never get to drink caffeine again and must quit cold turkey, or you must drink a lot of coffee each day (about three times what you currently drink)?"
AdventureRacing
Member
I feel like the old advice of stop texting too much before meeting someone really applies here. Some people don't like texting, some aren't good at it and sometimes things can just get misconstrued when texting.
Personally I think you're being pretty judgemental and presumptive to base someone's level of intelligence of a few brief text conversations. That plus you cant judge someones conversation skills on text messages, thats not a real conversation. You're complaining about a lack of experience and now you're artificially reducing the number of available girls by writing them off over silly things.
User 479360
Banned
You're right. That was rude of me. I shouldn't have done that. It was simply based on her grammar.
I'm not trying to artificially lessen it. I am willing/somewhat interested in meeting this girl. I just don't have a great feeling about it is all.
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