I met somebody off PSN a year ago, we added eachother to simply help one another in Destiny, I didn't think much of it at the time. I was looking for people to mess around and help with.
We first started off being really good friends, we played and talked on an almost every day basis. I was having these feelings that went much further than just friendship at one point. He was oblivious at first , but he started picking up on the signals eventually.
So I layed everything out to him, let him know about what I think of him (much more than a friend), to my surprise he received it really well and reciprocated that he's enjoyed spending time with me and does see us becoming much more than what we are.
So we kept talking, keeping in touch, playing games together. I think about 2 months ago we sort of made it "official" that we're together as in (Boyfriend x2)
I've never been in a relationship that I took seriously, but this one seems different.
The hardest part for me right now is the distance between us, it's almost just tearing me up emotionally at times, especially when I'm alone in my room. I'm just longing for some company, I've been alone for so many years, had friends pretty much abandon me and moved on to other things in life. It just seemed at the time that I will never find someone that I truly give a shit for.
Until I met him and ever since then, my life has changed dramatically. I've been able to embrace my sexuality and explore new avenues that I've never dreamed of doing before.
Here is the dilemma for me and for him.
I had proposed for us to meet up sometime in March. Since I will be on spring break. School takes up too much time for us to meet up sooner. If we can't seem to schedule something at that time, my only free time is in July, and I only have 4 weeks of vacation time.
Now he had mentioned to me about how his last relationship ended and explained to me in detail about a few things that he's still unsure of.
One of the main points that he made is that, many times that he feels that we wants to get closer and closer to me, there's something that makes him pull away; to avoid being hurt due to what happened in the past. He's told me multiple times that he's still in love with me and that I shouldn't worry about losing him.
What I have trouble in dealing with is being left behind, it's happened way too much in the past for me, the loneliness builds up and I can't just help myself but burst into tears. I need that somebody next to me for me to feel comforted, and this date being possibly delayed is not making matters any better.
I completely understand his point and explained to him that there's no rush.
However, in the back of my mind; I want to see him asap. My emotions have run so high these past couple of weeks, I snapped one evening about him still being reluctant and we ended up having a 4 hour argument, emotions were running high for the both of us. In the end, we made up, said our piece and have been more romantically involved than ever.
In the mean time, I had also downloaded some local dating apps to experiment and try new things. I've talked to him about this and he's totally ok with the idea and he understands that I have my needs and that whenever I feel to let loose that he won't get upset.
I've met with several people face to face, we've done some things together, although I did really enjoy myself, he was always at the back of my mind throughout all this. As someone who is new to this, I received much positive feedback about how passionate I am sexually. The truth is, the reason why I had so much energy was because I kept thinking of him right in front of me and maybe because I really did need to let loose for abit.
We keep communication open and this is what I appreciate about what we have. I'm not afraid to speak my mind and he's always there to hear out anything I have to say.
The wait...is literally killing me. I wake up thinking about him, throughout the day and going back to sleep, he's just always there. I can't seem to let it go from my mind for not even 5 minutes.
People have told me countless times that long-distance relationships are very difficult to keep and usually don't work out. I'm still having my options open just in case something does happen, however I don't think our feelings will change soon. I do hope we see eachother soon, but if we don't; there's still the summer time to look forward to.
Really sorry for the long post, had to let some of this out!
