That makes so much sense it should be a requirement at every club and bar. Bouncer gives out color-coded wristbands for relationship status.
If only.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
That makes so much sense it should be a requirement at every club and bar. Bouncer gives out color-coded wristbands for relationship status.
If only.
I literally said "that's fucking genius" when my friend explained what the stoplight part meant LOL
It's so simple that clubs/bars would find some way to fuck it up. : /
(For the sake of the dating scene in establishments everywhere, it'd be great to be proven wrong!)
My main list is things that I think everyone has as dealbreakers:
-Sexism (all forms)
-Racism
-Homophobia/Transphobia
-Addict of any kind (mainly drugs/alcohol)
My personal dealbreakers:
-If they want kids (not out of adoption)
-If they hunt (I have zero tolerance for this)
-If their intelligence level is really low.
-If i have no attraction to them
-If they are only looking for sex
Well I try to keep an open mind to most guys because if they are a good person and I really like them i can overlook a few things, except drugs I just can't date someone that does drugs, unless its a joint on rare occasion.
Seeing Deadpool tomorrow night with a girl from my university I met through Tinder.
Generally I'm against movie dates for the first time, but we're grabbing drinks afterwards. Plus Deadpool.
Will report back from the bathroom, yadayada.
Generally I'm against movie dates for the first time, but we're grabbing drinks afterwards. Plus Deadpool.
Will report back from the bathroom, yadayada.
It sucks when it lingers like poison that you wish would flush out, but it will. The sharpness of the mental pain will dull over time. Going through it myself but I've been in this boat before and believe me, you will make landfall sooner than you expect.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Texted lightly the past two days, and now tomorrow will ask them out on Monday...was originally going to say Sunday but that would be weird haha...Monday it is. Fingers crossed.
I currently messaged a friend about this situation that I'm in.
To reiterate, this girl and I have been through multiple classes together. We've talked quite a bit, and from her behavior, she is likely interested in me. I've helped her in the previous class. (The one she has an incomplete in.)
By now, I'm pretty sure the coast is clear. I don't think that she's in a relationship, but I'm treading lightly. The interesting thing that happened was when another guy in my class tried to small talk her while she was working. She and I just looked at each other with a face implying that we were both laughing at his attempts.
Afterwards, I ended up talking to her and she expresses, once again, that she is struggling and very frustrated with the work. Now, me being me, I mentioned the incomplete that she has in the last class due to her not being artistically inclined. It seemed jokeful in manner, but it wasn't supposed to be. She gave me a sarcastic "that's funny?" type of laugh.
She needs help, and it seems like the teacher is stretched thin and scatter brained. She is constantly mentioning the fact that she does, and she asked me if I were staying after as if she was hoping I were.
My main worry is coming off strong by helping her out, but if she's basically asking for it, should I just go ahead for a reason to ask her out?
I had no attraction to her when I helped her before, but now, it's becoming something I can't avoid... I feel like I would be helping her just to get closer to her, but not to just be the person I am. Shit, it feels wrong.
To reiterate, this girl and I have been through multiple classes together. We've talked quite a bit, and from her behavior, she is likely interested in me. I've helped her in the previous class. (The one she has an incomplete in.)
By now, I'm pretty sure the coast is clear. I don't think that she's in a relationship, but I'm treading lightly. The interesting thing that happened was when another guy in my class tried to small talk her while she was working. She and I just looked at each other with a face implying that we were both laughing at his attempts.
Afterwards, I ended up talking to her and she expresses, once again, that she is struggling and very frustrated with the work. Now, me being me, I mentioned the incomplete that she has in the last class due to her not being artistically inclined. It seemed jokeful in manner, but it wasn't supposed to be. She gave me a sarcastic "that's funny?" type of laugh.
She needs help, and it seems like the teacher is stretched thin and scatter brained. She is constantly mentioning the fact that she does, and she asked me if I were staying after as if she was hoping I were.
My main worry is coming off strong by helping her out, but if she's basically asking for it, should I just go ahead for a reason to ask her out?
I had no attraction to her when I helped her before, but now, it's becoming something I can't avoid... I feel like I would be helping her just to get closer to her, but not to just be the person I am. Shit, it feels wrong.
jimmypython
Member
I wouldn't assume/guess ...never a good thing..
I am also confused about your intention by reading this....do you want to date her? just go ahead and ask her out if you do...you know, before being friendzoned
Yeah, it's something that I try to avoid doing, but there is a possibility of her being in a relationship, especially since the last time I saw her was spread out. Damn, there I go again. Assumptions will lead to disappointment.
Anyways, I wouldn't mind testing the waters and dating her. I don't really just ask girls out straight out. Not only do I not have the biggest balls, I find it distressing to be completely clear with your intentions. As I've said, I'm terrified by the fact of coming off too strong when it comes to dating.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Unless you actually ask, you have nothing to fear about coming off -- well -- in any way at all.
Well, whenever I've asked a girl out to spend some time, I build of a basis of existing discussion.
If what you all are emplying is just straightforward, 'would you like to go out to an event with me?', don't you feel unnatural? Don't you feel like that's just putting her on the spot?
I mean, we have things in common, but they are more so recreational outdoors activities like hiking, backpacking and outdoors. I wouldn't know where to start if I were to tell her that I'm interested in dating.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I don't really subscribe to that "but what about how they feeeeeeeeel/save this person from themselves" shit personally. They are an adult, they can handle what is at maximum a bit of awkwardness. Their world doesn't crash and burn because they got asked on a date.
Just ask for dinner at 8 at Y location. It'll be obvious whether they are interested or not.
Mister Wilhelm
Member
Just curious - are you a vegan/vegetarian or is there a different reason?
Don't offer to help her if it's for an ulterior motive. Make asking her out and offering to help her two distinct things. If you are not direct, you will end up in a "I thought you genuinely wanted to help me out" situation where she will question your motives. You know what would put her on the spot? That. Don't do that.
Please don't go down the 'nice guy' route. It is the worst look.
Please don't go down the 'nice guy' route. It is the worst look.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Realistically, she is going to wander down that path of thought regardless if he asks her. As long as his help isn't going to wane if she says no to a date I don't really think it matters if she feels put on the spot.
Frankly, even if his help does wane if she says no I still don't think it matters. You gotta do you, if he wants a date, just ask for a date, don't tip toe around it. If it ultimately leads to circumstances where he just doesn't end up helping her as much than so be it honestly.
When I helped her in our first class together, I basically helped her out of pity. Her work was just falling apart constantly. I had no ulterior motives or attractions to her, but women tend to grow on me when it comes to that.
I don't know how I will distinguish me wanting to help her and wanting to date her. I don't want to end up in the situation that you mentioned. Trust me, I'm not one of those "nice guys".
I understand what you're saying, but at the same time, I just don't. Basically, your mentioning a damed if you do/don't situation?
Sometimes you need to date to get the sex.
Sometimes you can find a person that just wants sex, though it tends to be harder.
This is why you date.
I'm trying to decide on one of these options for my valentine lunch date on Sunday
1. Get flowers and a card (nothing sentimental in the card)
2. Get nothing else, just pay for the nice lunch I'm taking her to
3. Talk to her about expectations
We've been dating for three weeks and have been on four dates so far. I've slept with her on three of those dates but she has always clarified from before that I can't stay over. She indicated that she wasn't in a rush and wanted to take things show.
1. Get flowers and a card (nothing sentimental in the card)
2. Get nothing else, just pay for the nice lunch I'm taking her to
3. Talk to her about expectations
We've been dating for three weeks and have been on four dates so far. I've slept with her on three of those dates but she has always clarified from before that I can't stay over. She indicated that she wasn't in a rush and wanted to take things show.
Miles Quaritch
Member
No.2
Too early in the 'relationship' to be talking about expectations, especially when she's already said she wants to take things slow.
I am neither, I do not consume a lot of meat and I am trying to switch to a vegetarian diet.
I just don't want to date someone that finds joy in killing something for fun and then using the excuse "but it's for food" when everyone knows it's not. In the lower mainland if a guy hunts they are often the same person that falls under the ignorant category when it comes to human rights; speaking only from experience and the experience of others.
Miles Quaritch
Member
What's the concern? That the therapist might judge you based on things she says or let slip something you say about her?
A professional wouldn't ever let that happen.
If it's more about accidentally bumping into her, try to figure out her schedule and work around it.
None of them, especially not number 3. You've been dating for three weeks, there's no reason to do anything for Valentines Day. She's making it pretty clear by telling you to not stay over that she doesn't consider this a relationship at this point.
It's the second one yeah. I guess I have a big fear of her hating me, even though she's always been nice to me.
It might be more of the sites you are going to than just online dating itself. POF in particular is bottom of the barrel. A lot of profiles that you can tell why they are undateable within 10 seconds (morbidly obese, shut ins, single moms with 5 kids, have a laundry list of demands, etc). It also (at least in my area) tends to attract a lot of rednecks/white trash, the sorts of women that will put up pics of them with a dead deer on their profile. I'm not against hunting, but that sort of thing was a turn off for me.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Don't worry, a true professional would never let that happen.
You're in a much better position to judge though. How is the therapist so far? Any issues that lead you to believe that might happen?
She didn't talk much, I haven't really been to a therapist before (not since I was a kid, and once or twice but it never stuck) so it's hard to say. She seems young though, so hopefully she isn't inexperienced.
See post above you
I liked OKC.
She's a professional. You can sue her if she divulges confidential info for no reason. She can't even tell your ex that you're seeing her. And don't make dumb assumptions about her experience. Honestly, this is a complete non-issue unless you actually see any signs of her being unprofessional.
Damn lol. Okc? OkSee post above you
I liked OKC.
She's a professional. You can sue her if she divulges confidential info for no reason. She can't even tell your ex that you're seeing her. And don't make dumb assumptions about her experience. Honestly, this is a complete non-issue unless you actually see any signs of her being unprofessional.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Pretty much this. Although it's good to keep an eye out for any unprofessional behaviour that you feel needs to be addressed.
OKC has its fair share of issues too. All sites do. Try PoF, try OKC, try them all and see what works for you.
Lionheart1827
Member
POF seemed to have markedly way more people on there than I ever saw on OKC when I was dating around over a year ago. My current relationship is with a girl I met on POF.
The site is extremely crappy looking compared to OKC, but even if you think its bottom of the barrel, its worth trying POF and increasing your chances, especially if you're not finding a lot of people on Tinder or OKC. You never know really. I've had a bunch of dates on OKC and POF.
If you want to maximize your chances of finding somebody, especially if you're only using online dating, use all three.
The site is extremely crappy looking compared to OKC, but even if you think its bottom of the barrel, its worth trying POF and increasing your chances, especially if you're not finding a lot of people on Tinder or OKC. You never know really. I've had a bunch of dates on OKC and POF.
If you want to maximize your chances of finding somebody, especially if you're only using online dating, use all three.
I think I'm much the same way, I'm pretty apathetic to dating in general. Some days I tell myself I should give it another go but I rarely find myself interested in anyone and even when I go on dates and they've gone well, I don't feel any connection.
And your deal breakers you posted later seem fairly reasonable.
None of what I said is terribly helpful to you but I empathize. It can be frustrating.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
So date number 3 confirmed, I asked her if she wanted to go the Nas/Maxwell concert on Valentine's Day, she was very excited. We had our first kiss on Wednesday so the pressure of that is gone and we can be a lot more around each other
On Wednesday night when he had date 2, she asked me why I didn't try to make a move on date 1, she said it was really refreshing for her. I told her it was because it was not my style to rush and wanted to make sure around personalities, let's just say she was impressed with the answer . Damn, had no idea on date 1 she was waiting for something
On Wednesday night when he had date 2, she asked me why I didn't try to make a move on date 1, she said it was really refreshing for her. I told her it was because it was not my style to rush and wanted to make sure around personalities, let's just say she was impressed with the answer . Damn, had no idea on date 1 she was waiting for something
Seems like the way you handled date 1 worked out the best for you.
TanTan has worked for me outside of Asia. USA and Australia metro locations both have decent numbers of users. If you are in the sticks somewhere though you probably won't find anyone.
Also helps to speak Chinese, but if they are Chinese/Malay/Singapore/etc. abroad then their English should be pretty good. It's usually exchange students using it away from Asia.
I wasn't the one asking but thanks for this. Seems like a decent Tinder alternative...wonder what kind of results I can get in Tokyo.
From what I understand Skout is what you should use in Japan, but you'll probably find a few girls on TanTan as well. I've never tried Skout.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
So the girl I hung out with this week...texted her today about hanging out this weekend...mentioned how it would be weird asking her out Sunday and she said its okay its just another day...so I have a date Sunday 
I had Skout installed but it didn't seem go good from the short time I had it...I'm starting to really dislike Tinder here as too many girls use it to just find friends or practice English (and yeah, sometimes that's BS, but I've talked to and met girls who were entirely serious about it).
I like the one Japanese site I was using but it was stupid in that it made you pay for points to "like" girls on top of the membership fee. Then again, you do get some points as a non-paid member and I've gotten some good matches this past week, so I might just sign up again so I can message them.
TanTan has the same issues sometimes. Sometimes girls use "practice english" as an excuse to seem more conservative than they really are too though, just gotta feel them out.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I seriously thought I walked out of date 1 friend zoned because I made zero physical interaction besides the cheek kiss to end that night
User 479360
Banned
I haven't been texting much with the girl I dated twice (the one who went on vacation last weekend). We talked a bit while she was there, but I didn't want to bug her, and we've only texted one day this week so far.
I just don't know what to talk about, and haven't been feeling too well.
The girl whose grammar I mentioned sent me five short messages today, asking if we could text and saying that we could meet, but that it's okay if I don't want to.
I just don't know what to talk about, and haven't been feeling too well.
The girl whose grammar I mentioned sent me five short messages today, asking if we could text and saying that we could meet, but that it's okay if I don't want to.
SneakersSO
Member
Oh boy. This is a huge question. In many ways, its a very situational thing or the subtleties. It can be a look, or a way of saying something seemingly innocuous, or a subtle motion or gesture.
SneakersSO
Member
Okay, so here comes another field-report/vent piece. I know they get kinda long, but its great to dump it out on here & hearing some feedback from you guys, versus just letting it stew in my brain. You guys are a fantastic outlet.
So, I had my first date with a new girl tonight. Turned out to be a dinner date, which wasn't really my intention originally, it just evolved into that. Minor backstory on this girl - met her online, we really kicked off talking to one another on wednesday, and things have gone pretty well/great. Things definitely got pretty sexually heated in our texting, which was all spurned by her, much to my surprise. Everything seemed great, and our rapport was really nice going into tonight. There had been only one thing I had mentioned to her that put her on her guard so to speak - she kept inquiring into my dating history on thursday (which was odd, but I tried to keep it mostly vague anyway). She wanted to know why I had dumped a specific girl from my past & I told her, which I guess struck a nerve, cause she seemed to be really insecure about this going forward. The issue then was drinking, and I guess this new girl enjoys drinking, but I think she was worried that if I knew she liked drinking, I would hold that against her or something? I dunno, I think she finally understood that theres a huge difference between why I dumped my ex & her enjoying a few drinks after work.
So onto the date. There were some nerves on both our parts that come from meeting someone for the first time, but that quickly sort of melted away. I was making her laugh, she got me cracking up, we teased each other about things, we talked about a ton of stuff, everything was going super well. All in all, we spent about 3 hours on this date. Unfortunately, the place we went to had us facing each other instead of sitting perpendicular to one another, but we still managed to touch hands & fingers. And she even made it a point to touch our legs under the table, once she figured out where they were. Everything seemed to be going well. Then, it happened. I opened my dumb mouth, and said something TREMENDOUSLY stupid. She seemed to take this very seriously, and I immediately started beating myself up over it. And since this post is me venting, I feel it would best serve you all to learn from my mistake or know what I said to properly chastise me.
What I was TRYING to say: "Wow, i'm comfortable around you, like I can just be myself instead of trying to be someone to impress you". I distinctly remember thinking this in my mind, and the conversation had gone to a point where we were talking about how much we were enjoying ourselves. I even told her this exactly, hoping to smooth things over after my dumb comment.
What came out of my mouth (not verbatim, just roughly): "Yeah, i'm having a great time. It's really nice that i'm not trying to do a whole lot to impress you". While this isn't exactly what was said, I feel like the meaning here is closer to what I remember and how she interpreted it. Her reaction was immediate "Thats one of the rudest things you could say to someone!". She seemed really offended by this. I tried to correct it and even explained what I meant to say, which I think she did listen to, but I could tell a part of her definitely was guarded after that.
We probably hung around for another 40 minutes or so. I feel like I sorta recovered; she laughed some more at things I was saying, and even mentioned that I had 'made up for my earlier trip up a little'. It sucked cause it was around the time that I said that stupid nonsense that I had decided to myself that I definitely wanted to see her for a 2nd date. As we're leaving, she's still rubbing her legs against mine, and we get up and leave. She puts some money towards the bill, I covered everything else. Its really cold where i'm at, and she actually offered me a ride to my car, since she parked right in front of the entrance for our venue, and I had parked a block down. So, we make some small chit chat as she's dropping me off. We tell each other we had a great time and we should do this again soon. At this point, there are two awkward moments. I notice she's leaned forward a little bit towards me, which could mean she might want me to lean in & give her a kiss. We have an awkward moment where we look at each other and giggle, and then we proceed to talk about music or something irrelevant, as I decided whether I was gonna make a move or end the night. Well, I guess she noticed my hesitance, cause I saw her lean away at this point, so I figured the moment is gone. So I just got out of the car, wished her good night, and got in my car & left.
I get home, beating myself up over it, but keeping myself somewhat occupied so I don't dwell too much. After maybe 30-40 mins, I decide to text her & see if she made it home safe. Like an hour later, she hits me up sounding very upbeat in the text, says she did & asks if I had as well. I responded with an in-joke from the date, told her I had made it home okay, & asked her what she was up to, but I haven't gotten a response yet. In all likelihood, I know she probably went to sleep, but theres that insecure side that can't help but think this is all likely over. So DatingGAF, what say you?
So, I had my first date with a new girl tonight. Turned out to be a dinner date, which wasn't really my intention originally, it just evolved into that. Minor backstory on this girl - met her online, we really kicked off talking to one another on wednesday, and things have gone pretty well/great. Things definitely got pretty sexually heated in our texting, which was all spurned by her, much to my surprise. Everything seemed great, and our rapport was really nice going into tonight. There had been only one thing I had mentioned to her that put her on her guard so to speak - she kept inquiring into my dating history on thursday (which was odd, but I tried to keep it mostly vague anyway). She wanted to know why I had dumped a specific girl from my past & I told her, which I guess struck a nerve, cause she seemed to be really insecure about this going forward. The issue then was drinking, and I guess this new girl enjoys drinking, but I think she was worried that if I knew she liked drinking, I would hold that against her or something? I dunno, I think she finally understood that theres a huge difference between why I dumped my ex & her enjoying a few drinks after work.
So onto the date. There were some nerves on both our parts that come from meeting someone for the first time, but that quickly sort of melted away. I was making her laugh, she got me cracking up, we teased each other about things, we talked about a ton of stuff, everything was going super well. All in all, we spent about 3 hours on this date. Unfortunately, the place we went to had us facing each other instead of sitting perpendicular to one another, but we still managed to touch hands & fingers. And she even made it a point to touch our legs under the table, once she figured out where they were. Everything seemed to be going well. Then, it happened. I opened my dumb mouth, and said something TREMENDOUSLY stupid. She seemed to take this very seriously, and I immediately started beating myself up over it. And since this post is me venting, I feel it would best serve you all to learn from my mistake or know what I said to properly chastise me.
What I was TRYING to say: "Wow, i'm comfortable around you, like I can just be myself instead of trying to be someone to impress you". I distinctly remember thinking this in my mind, and the conversation had gone to a point where we were talking about how much we were enjoying ourselves. I even told her this exactly, hoping to smooth things over after my dumb comment.
What came out of my mouth (not verbatim, just roughly): "Yeah, i'm having a great time. It's really nice that i'm not trying to do a whole lot to impress you". While this isn't exactly what was said, I feel like the meaning here is closer to what I remember and how she interpreted it. Her reaction was immediate "Thats one of the rudest things you could say to someone!". She seemed really offended by this. I tried to correct it and even explained what I meant to say, which I think she did listen to, but I could tell a part of her definitely was guarded after that.
We probably hung around for another 40 minutes or so. I feel like I sorta recovered; she laughed some more at things I was saying, and even mentioned that I had 'made up for my earlier trip up a little'. It sucked cause it was around the time that I said that stupid nonsense that I had decided to myself that I definitely wanted to see her for a 2nd date. As we're leaving, she's still rubbing her legs against mine, and we get up and leave. She puts some money towards the bill, I covered everything else. Its really cold where i'm at, and she actually offered me a ride to my car, since she parked right in front of the entrance for our venue, and I had parked a block down. So, we make some small chit chat as she's dropping me off. We tell each other we had a great time and we should do this again soon. At this point, there are two awkward moments. I notice she's leaned forward a little bit towards me, which could mean she might want me to lean in & give her a kiss. We have an awkward moment where we look at each other and giggle, and then we proceed to talk about music or something irrelevant, as I decided whether I was gonna make a move or end the night. Well, I guess she noticed my hesitance, cause I saw her lean away at this point, so I figured the moment is gone. So I just got out of the car, wished her good night, and got in my car & left.
I get home, beating myself up over it, but keeping myself somewhat occupied so I don't dwell too much. After maybe 30-40 mins, I decide to text her & see if she made it home safe. Like an hour later, she hits me up sounding very upbeat in the text, says she did & asks if I had as well. I responded with an in-joke from the date, told her I had made it home okay, & asked her what she was up to, but I haven't gotten a response yet. In all likelihood, I know she probably went to sleep, but theres that insecure side that can't help but think this is all likely over. So DatingGAF, what say you?
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Post Valentine's day party in 2 weeks, 100+ people are going, so I hope there's a good girl to guy ratio lol
- Status