Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Successful date last night with the girl from my university. We went to Deadpool first and then grabbed drinks for an hour or two afterwards. She was funny and seemed to have a great time. It felt like there was something there, but I'm going to take this slow and see how it goes.
When I dropped her off she complimented my choice of movie and bar, and then we said goodnight and she left. No kiss or anything. I don't think I missed a hint or anything, I think it just wasn't there.

Shitty part about all this though is I can't stop thinking about the girl from before that I had the falling out with. Part of me seriously wishes that I could have another chance with her.
I think I have a chase complex or w/e it's called; where I want what I can't have.
 
Speed dating was as big of a bust as I thought it might be. One match, and it turns out she's a single mom. I spent 2007-2015 babysitting my nieces and nephews (20+ hours a week). Might make me a dick, but I'm not looking to get into a situation where there's a kid involved.
 
Salamando said:
Speed dating was as big of a bust as I thought it might be. One match, and it turns out she's a single mom. I spent 2007-2015 babysitting my nieces and nephews (20+ hours a week). Might make me a dick, but I'm not looking to get into a situation where there's a kid involved.
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Doesn't make you a dick at all.
 
I was gonna hang with some peeps from a club from my uni yesterday, and I suggested we go to a bar. One of the girls that was with us said she couldn't do that cause she was 18 (everyone else was also under 21). Made me feel quite awkward. She's practically an infant!

Trying to make up for my lost college days ain't going as well as I hoped. :/
 
SneakersSO said:
So DatingGAF, what say you?
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I say that was pretty tame for an awkward moment lol, and obv not a big deal if you two were simpatico after leaving, and especially if she leaned in for a kiss. Why weren't you feeling the kiss if you don't mind my asking? Even if she withdrew a bit after the initial awkwardness, no reason you can't go in for one yourself, assuming that's what you wanted.

As for my situation, may have a date with a girl tonight, it's mostly up to me, kinda turned off this gal didn't want to text like AT ALL even after we exchanged numbers online. Was pretty short with just wanting to make plans to meet. I dunno I find myself being kind of fickle with certain gals lately, I enjoy a certain amount of texting before meeting even though I know it means fuck all for in person chemistry. I'm a texter in general, with friends, family etc. In mah blood. Texting for dating I find also serves as a nice screener in general with meeting new people, otherwise it tends to feel like going in blind, which while that isn't necessarily a bad thing its still nice to have in knowing if someone is just entirely incompatible with you and thus could save you from a boring/bad date. Whatevs I'll prob end up meeting them anyway out of sheer boredom lol.
 
Salamando said:
Speed dating was as big of a bust as I thought it might be. One match, and it turns out she's a single mom. I spent 2007-2015 babysitting my nieces and nephews (20+ hours a week). Might make me a dick, but I'm not looking to get into a situation where there's a kid involved.
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Most single moms are just looking for some fun and to get out of the house. It's not like she's gonna be bringing the kid on the date with you.
 
friday said:
Tinder is weak this weekend, not getting any matches. I think the Holiday is causing people to stay off that shit.
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I didn't really understand how it works at first. I thought I could message anyone I wanted but I had to press the like button and wait to see if they're interested.
 
wanderingprostheyltite said:
I say that was pretty tame for an awkward moment lol, and obv not a big deal if you two were simpatico after leaving, and especially if she leaned in for a kiss. Why weren't you feeling the kiss if you don't mind my asking? Even if she withdrew a bit after the initial awkwardness, no reason you can't go in for one yourself, assuming that's what you wanted.
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It's totally what I wanted. I just had reservations on how she felt about the date. Had the comment not happened, I probably would've gone for it no problem. However, i'm happy to report all went well, and we've been chatting consistently throughout the day, even having some heated discussions. So things worked out, and I was reading too much into things. Luckily, I just vented here and got it all out.
 
Need a bit of help gaf. So its been awhile since 'Ive done a proper first date with a girl. I recently meet a very nice girl and was planning on asking her out. I was thinking a lunch date on valentines (tomorrow). Good idea or bad idea? Also should we meet at a restaurant or should I pick her up?
 
gwailo said:
Most single moms are just looking for some fun and to get out of the house. It's not like she's gonna be bringing the kid on the date with you.
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Got coffee with her for the hell of it. Wasn't the kind of date you get excited about, that's for damn sure. Tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she's not used to dating - but it'll be healthier to admit that she just wasn't that fun. Couldn't count the number of times she took the conversation back to work. "Oh, you're going to Japan! Awesome! I want to go. We have a branch station in japan, and since we get to travel frequently, I was talking to my boss about...."
 
SneakersSO said:
It's totally what I wanted. I just had reservations on how she felt about the date. Had the comment not happened, I probably would've gone for it no problem. However, i'm happy to report all went well, and we've been chatting consistently throughout the day, even having some heated discussions. So things worked out, and I was reading too much into things. Luckily, I just vented here and got it all out.
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Well that's good to hear, best of luck with it going forwards!

Hydrus said:
Need a bit of help gaf. So its been awhile since 'Ive done a proper first date with a girl. I recently meet a very nice girl and was planning on asking her out. I was thinking a lunch date on valentines (tomorrow). Good idea or bad idea? Also should we meet at a restaurant or should I pick her up?
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Well I'd try and make those plans asap, gettin down to the wire esp with Valentine's being a factor. It's a battle royale out there! Ok not really but yeah, ask her out soon. Lunch date sounds nice, and if you haven't been on a date before with her meeting there is the way to go. You could offer since you have a history of knowing each other prior (I assume in person), but if you haven't hung out before just meet there.
 
Ok so I have a long running friends with benefits situation with a girl. At first I sort of hoped it might evolve into something more but since it wasn't going to happen I made my peace with it, started dating again with varied results, we see each other off and on and it's been fun. After a period where we sort fo drifted apart, lately we reconnected and started seeing each other again very frequently in the last couple of months. She seemed more invested than before but I didn't want to read too much into it. Cut to today, it's already Valentine's Day here (it's like three in the morning right now), she invited me over tonight and was very cuddly, we ended up having sex (yay?) and afterwards she offered me a cake she baked. We ate, talked, watched a bit of tv and when I was leaving she hugged me, and while she was kissing me goodbye said....well...I don't know how to translate properly in english what she said, it was like she caught herself saying "Happy Valentine's Day" and said something sort of funny instead, let's suppose it was like "Happy Christmas" lol, I don't really know how to translate it, it was very endearing and she got super embarassed about it. I smiled, kissed her and said "Happy Christmas to you too" (it sounds suuuper dumb) and I left.

I don't even know what I'm asking to you guys. It felt kind of awesome since she's usually an ice queen regarding this stuff. But I'm sure I'm reading too much into it. I just needed to vent a bit about the experience. It has been a bad time for me lately so I'm glad I was not (technically lol) alone on Valentine's Day, as dumb as it sounds.
 
wanderingprostheyltite said:
Well that's good to hear, best of luck with it going forwards!



Well I'd try and make those plans asap, gettin down to the wire esp with Valentine's being a factor. It's a battle royale out there! Ok not really but yeah, ask her out soon. Lunch date sounds nice, and if you haven't been on a date before with her meeting there is the way to go. You could offer since you have a history of knowing each other prior (I assume in person), but if you haven't hung out before just meet there.
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Thanks for the response. Yea I think its a bit late for tomorrow, but I just asked her about grabbing lunch sometime. See what she say's.
 
How honest are you with your personal descriptions? I've included many negative characteristics about myself in my OKC profile. My line of thought was: If I ever started to date someone, they would get to know my personality anyway, so it might be better to be completely honest upfront. I thought it might potentially be wiser to present myself as I really am instead of sugarcoating and glossing over flaws.
 
Well, it's like in job interviews, you want to present yourself in a good light anyhow. I'm lazy vs I'm efficient, etc. Flaws could be 'dealbreakers' that get you written off on your online profile, vs charming quirks once they meet you in real-life.

You shouldn't be putting too much in your profile, anyway. If you're moving into negative traits, that may mean that you're writing too much anyway. If you're going to do it anyway, I suggest putting a heavy dose of humor when mentioning them. I will remind you that no one is looking for someone 'with negative traits'. And yet we all have the.

I get what you mean, though. I have a particular eccentric sense of humor, and while I can tone it down when necessary, it's great to not have to do it. Rather than hide it (since it could be a turn-off for someone), I opted to go all-out and make my profile a completely eccentric one. Well, it worked and I found someone with matching sense of humor.
 
Ambitious said:
How honest are you with your personal descriptions? I've included many negative characteristics about myself in my OKC profile. My line of thought was: If I ever started to date someone, they would get to know my personality anyway, so it might be better to be completely honest upfront. I thought it might potentially be wiser to present myself as I really am instead of sugarcoating and glossing over flaws.
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Putting negative traits in your profile will, as expected, put you in a bad light. We all have problems of course, but making yourself look like you're not confident is a big no-no in the online dating realm. Why talk to someone that seems to hate themselves over a guy that seems to have his shit together?

It's either be as positive as possible or go the Llyranor route :p Just be wary with the humor route though, because it just might not come across in the same way in text as it does when spoken (LIKE SARCASM).
 
Ambitious said:
How honest are you with your personal descriptions? I've included many negative characteristics about myself in my OKC profile. My line of thought was: If I ever started to date someone, they would get to know my personality anyway, so it might be better to be completely honest upfront. I thought it might potentially be wiser to present myself as I really am instead of sugarcoating and glossing over flaws.
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When you meet someone do you tell them your bad ttaits and personality or do you let them figure it out for themselves? I mean honestly, why would you include negatives?
 
Llyranor said:
Well, it's like in job interviews, you want to present yourself in a good light anyhow. I'm lazy vs I'm efficient, etc. Flaws could be 'dealbreakers' that get you written off on your online profile, vs charming quirks once they meet you in real-life.

You shouldn't be putting too much in your profile, anyway. If you're moving into negative traits, that may mean that you're writing too much anyway. If you're going to do it anyway, I suggest putting a heavy dose of humor when mentioning them. I will remind you that no one is looking for someone 'with negative traits'. And yet we all have the.

I get what you mean, though. I have a particular eccentric sense of humor, and while I can tone it down when necessary, it's great to not have to do it. Rather than hide it (since it could be a turn-off for someone), I opted to go all-out and make my profile a completely eccentric one. Well, it worked and I found someone with matching sense of humor.
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gaiages said:
Putting negative traits in your profile will, as expected, put you in a bad light. We all have problems of course, but making yourself look like you're not confident is a big no-no in the online dating realm. Why talk to someone that seems to hate themselves over a guy that seems to have his shit together?

It's either be as positive as possible or go the Llyranor route :p Just be wary with the humor route though, because it just might not come across in the same way in text as it does when spoken (LIKE SARCASM).
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Well, I'm don't consider myself particularly funny, and I sure as hell don't have any confidence. It's hard for me to talk about myself, especially when I'm supposed to make me look good.
Whatever. I just wiped the whole self-summary section. It wasn't really much anyway.
 
Date 3 tonight, Valentine's Day concert. I'm really curious to see where we go from here. We've got the kiss out the way, and it is a Maxwell concert so I assume we will be comfortable with each tonight (not going to try to bring her back to my place, not rushing this).
 
I can't help but feel like shit due to today. Just so many irritating people on Facebook, my god. Going to spend the night revamping my OKC profile I think... and drinking a fair bit/eating pizza.

It's true, POF does look like hot shit but there are simply way more girls on there, for better or worse. I've had the same "Top 5" matches on OKC every time I've signed up, and none of them interest me.
 
Bruce Springsteen said:
Date 3 tonight, Valentine's Day concert. I'm really curious to see where we go from here. We've got the kiss out the way, and it is a Maxwell concert so I assume we will be comfortable with each tonight (not going to try to bring her back to my place, not rushing this).
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Don't "try." If it occurs naturally then go for it though. After a romantic maxwell concert on Valentine's day is the perfect time to take it to the next level, if the feeling is there. No need to put things off and also no need to force things. Feel it out. Good luck.
 
vern said:
Don't "try." If it occurs naturally then go for it though. After a romantic maxwell concert on Valentine's day is the perfect time to take it to the next level, if the feeling is there. No need to put things off and also no need to force things. Feel it out. Good luck.
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after Date 2 I realize now she was just waiting for me to make the moves. This may sound ridiculous but when I'm on dates, it's the girl that usually makes the first move on me, so I just wasn't used to that
 
Why is it always the girls with the most promising looking profiles that makes a first message the hardest to write?! We have tonnes in common, she's pretty, we like the same things, and I got nothin'!


I mean literally she puts that she's looking for someone "who values honesty, laughter" and my profile has always had at the top "Honesty and a sense of humour are the two most attractive qualities anybody can have" which is true!
 
peanutbutterlatte said:
Why is it always the girls with the most promising looking profiles that makes a first message the hardest to write?! We have tonnes in common, she's pretty, we like the same things, and I got nothin'!


I mean literally she puts that she's looking for someone "who values honesty, laughter" and my profile has always had at the top "Honesty and a sense of humour are the two most attractive qualities anybody can have" which is true!
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Well humor and honesty are valued by most people so this really means nothing with regards to having things in common, but... Why don't you try making her laugh since that's one of the things she likes to do? Come up with something witty from the other details in her profile or from the photos. You have a sense of humor I guess since you are attracted to that quality also you said. Shouldn't be rocket science, and it's better than saying something like "hi beautiful :)" or something else generic.
 
vern said:
Well humor and honesty are valued by most people so this really means nothing with regards to having things in common, but... Why don't you try making her laugh since that's one of the things she likes to do? Come up with something witty from the other details in her profile or from the photos. You have a sense of humor I guess since you are attracted to that quality also you said. Shouldn't be rocket science, and it's better than saying something like "hi beautiful :)" or something else generic.
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Ah it was more in terms of our hobbies/interests aligning, I just thought it was funny those similar phrases came up. Took your advice and opened with a question based on a TV show she likes, who knows.
 
If there isn't a connection felt, is it better to let things go and move on. Or try another date and see if things change?
 
I was looking forward to having sex today but omg this girl is now on her period. I am upset. She's asking if I want her to still come over.

I'm thinking no since we're not dating. I do see her as a friend though that I just have sex with. Though she has spoken to me about how she wants to be taken seriously (I do). I also established we're not in a relationship since she has a kid and she's also moving to another state this month.

Since she's a friend, I suppose I coul have her over. She's cool. I'm just incredibly horny.
 
So hey, update. About 20 pages back I posted my master Valentine's Day plan to ask a girl out on that I'd had developed a thing for over the last few months. A plan which received more or less unanimous condemnation for being too forward and too much for the initial move of asking her out. After spending the last two weeks going back and forth on the idea, I ultimately decided "Fuck it.", threw caution to the wind, and went with more or less my original plan.

The result? She loved it. She said it was extremely thoughtful and was overwhelmed by how sweet it was - and we're setting up a date for this week! We're still trying to figure the whens and wheres of it all (she's in grad school and has a rather wacky schedule), but hey...

5VNTrCl.gif


I guess being bold and upfront can pay off from time to time :)
 
Afrocious said:
I was looking forward to having sex today but omg this girl is now on her period. I am upset. She's asking if I want her to still come over.

I'm thinking no since we're not dating. I do see her as a friend though that I just have sex with. Though she has spoken to me about how she wants to be taken seriously (I do). I also established we're not in a relationship since she has a kid and she's also moving to another state this month.

Since she's a friend, I suppose I coul have her over. She's cool. I'm just incredibly horny.
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You come off as a giant douche.
 
Loxley said:
So hey, update. About 20 pages back I posted my master Valentine's Day plan to ask a girl out on that I'd had developed a thing for over the last few months. A plan which received more or less unanimous condemnation for being too forward and too much for the initial move of asking her out. After spending the last two weeks going back and forth on the idea, I ultimately decided "Fuck it.", threw caution to the wind, and went with more or less my original plan.

The result? She loved it. She said it was extremely thoughtful and was overwhelmed by how sweet it was - and we're setting up a date for this week! We're still trying to figure the whens and wheres of it all (she's in grad school and has a rather wacky schedule), but hey...

5VNTrCl.gif


I guess being bold and upfront can pay off from time to time :)
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Good luck. If things do work out you kind of set yourself up to always being over the top sappy and romantic. If you stop doing these things in the future she'll wonder why and where she went wrong. She'll start being depressed, you'll start a thread on gaf, gaf will say she found new dick and to break up/hit the gym... Lol jk good job man.
 
Just gonna play XCOM, sleep, and go lift tomorrow and for the rest of next week. I'm so horny right now, /r/gonewild isn't improving things. If anything it's reminding me of what's missing right now. To top that all off Facebook statuses from a hot girl I should have asked out a couple of years ago when she was single (I didn't because I'm stupid) of her with her boyfriend are rubbing salt in the wounds.
 
Granadier said:
If there isn't a connection felt, is it better to let things go and move on. Or try another date and see if things change?
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Depends on if you think there is a chance for a connection still I guess. You don't have any other more promising dates lined up? If not then go for it, can't hurt to try. Just don't take her to surprise sushi restaurants.
 
peanutbutterlatte said:
Why is it always the girls with the most promising looking profiles that makes a first message the hardest to write?! We have tonnes in common, she's pretty, we like the same things, and I got nothin'!


I mean literally she puts that she's looking for someone "who values honesty, laughter" and my profile has always had at the top "Honesty and a sense of humour are the two most attractive qualities anybody can have" which is true!
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What you say doesn't really matter all that much. In my anecdotal experience, stringing along two sentences, not commenting on her genitalia or asking if she's DTF, and proving that you read her profile (and not just looked at her pictures) was looked upon favorably.

Don't overthink it.

Though, strangely enough, I get it: the girl I'm currently seeing, I wanted to message her during the last go-around but couldn't think of anything to say. I bit the bullet and did this time. If you can't comment on something on her profile exactly, don't be afraid to try something else. I messaged her between Christmas and New Year's, and I talked about how beautiful the city was at night, especially with the lingering snow. I may have been a little drunk, but hey, it worked.
 
I texted the girl I've been dating (slowly but surely) over the past month or so, and we talked for a bit last night. We'd only texted Wednesday otherwise.

It went well, and she sent me a message I didn't see until later, which said:

"I know it's the eleventh hour, almost literally, but do you still want to do something again?"

I replied, with, "Yeah, for sure." Still waiting to hear back, though. (I know I should be proactive, but there's no huge rush to set something up today given that we've been dating and I'm not feeling particularly well.)
 
OCDChewie said:
I texted the girl I've been dating (slowly but surely) over the past month or so, and we talked for a bit last night. We'd only texted Wednesday otherwise.

It went well, and she sent me a message I didn't see until later, which said:

"I know it's the eleventh hour, almost literally, but do you still want to do something again?"

I replied, with, "Yeah, for sure." Still waiting to hear back, though. (I know I should be proactive, but there's no huge rush to set something up today given that we've been dating and I'm not feeling particularly well.)
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you're dating but go several days without texting?
 
vern said:
Depends on if you think there is a chance for a connection still I guess. You don't have any other more promising dates lined up? If not then go for it, can't hurt to try. Just don't take her to surprise sushi restaurants.
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Nope, no other dates lined up. I'll see if she's up for another date and go from there. Maybe a spark will show up. There's definitely interest there from both of us, it just doesn't necessarily feel like a "click" situation.

Afrocious said:
I had a knee jerk response typed up basically comparing you to a small, presumptuous prick, but I've thought about it, deleted it, and decided to hand wave your own knee jerk response altogether.
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f9QBEXd.gif


I call it like I see it.
 
OCDChewie said:
I texted the girl I've been dating (slowly but surely) over the past month or so, and we talked for a bit last night. We'd only texted Wednesday otherwise.

It went well, and she sent me a message I didn't see until later, which said:

"I know it's the eleventh hour, almost literally, but do you still want to do something again?"

I replied, with, "Yeah, for sure." Still waiting to hear back, though. (I know I should be proactive, but there's no huge rush to set something up today given that we've been dating and I'm not feeling particularly well.)
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She probably thinks you're ghosting her. You don't talk much, you're not suggesting things (you're merely saying "sure, at some unspecified time in the future we'll do some undefined thing"). You're (admittedly unintentionally) ignoring her messages.

By the way, you're not "dating" (right now, you are two people who have gone on dates; that's different from dating, which itself is different from being in a relationship). I don't make the rules, man. They're nonsensical. And even if you were, you shouldn't treat a relationship as some license to not do something simple and easy like ask her out, for a specific thing, at a specific time.

If you like her, just do it.
 
Bruce Springsteen said:
you're dating but go several days without texting?
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We've gone out on two dates and used to text a lot, but it's fallen off. I haven't known what to say, felt too social due to depression (this is honestly mostly it) and should have texted her more.

It's my bad, really. It's not me being intentionally rude, and texting is a two way street, but I should have texted more and will try to. If things go further, I definitely will.

Advocatus Diaboli said:
She probably thinks you're ghosting her. You don't talk much, you're not suggesting things (you're merely saying "sure, at some unspecified time in the future we'll do some undefined thing"). You're (admittedly unintentionally) ignoring her messages.

By the way, you're not "dating" (right now, you are two people who have gone on dates; that's different from dating, which itself is different from being in a relationship). I don't make the rules, man. They're nonsensical. And even if you were, you shouldn't treat a relationship as some license to not do something simple and easy like ask her out, for a specific thing, at a specific time.

If you like her, just do it.
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Oh, okay. I wasn't sure about the correct terminology.

I'm not trying to ghost her, but I guess I am because of my depression.
 
So, for those of you from NYC.

How do you get by the "Staten Island" problem? Aka, telling the girl you're from Staten, which for someone from Brooklyn or even Manhattan sounds like you're from New Jersey or Bronx.

Literally had a conversation come to a screeching halt due to where I live, even though I live close to the ferry.
 
in the last month I'd have had my first kiss, my first time, my first relationship...and unfortunately my first break-up...

how did you guys deal with the first break-up... it's a pain I've never felt before and it hurts, even though I've talked about it to a friend and a therapist...

I guess there's the fact that my ex is my classmate and a friend, so it's hard to avoid her (not that I want to...)
 
Kurtofan said:
how did you guys deal with the first break-up... it's a pain I've never felt before and it hurts, even though I've talked about it to a friend and a therapist...

I guess there's the fact that my ex is my classmate and a friend, so it's hard to avoid her (not that I want to...)
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If you figure it out be sure to let everyone else know :P

It's been six months and all my condition has done is periodically deteriorate. I think she's finally found someone else too, and even though I want to be happy that she's happy I can't stop myself from being upset. Hopefully this feeling only lasts a few days and I can go back to being happy <crosses fingers>

Emotions are the worst you guys :\
 
I wanted to go see Deadpool with her, but apparently she's going to the movies with her family and neighbours tomorrow and they might go see that. It's too bad, but oh well. Not a big deal.

She'll likely want to go bowling, since that's what we were going to do two weeks ago before she got sick/then went away.
 
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