To clarify, she didn't say she wants to wait three months. What she wants is to get to know me better as she would feel more comfortable having sex then.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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To clarify, she didn't say she wants to wait three months. What she wants is to get to know me better as she would feel more comfortable having sex then.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Have the last word, at least. "Sure, let me know" and then drop it and forget it.
If she's available, just ask her out. Maybe she's still somewhat interested but figured you moved on.
I think the "ball in her court" tactic is a bit misrepresented. It's not meant to be an equal give-and-take situation ("I did my part, her turn to reciprocate"), but more like "don't be clingy, let her get back to you on her own time, if she's interested she'll respond". Don't lose an opportunity with someone because you were too stubborn. We're all busy people and sometimes, yes, we do forget things. A light-hearted reminder can do wonders.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Just take her at her word. She explained how she felt directly, which is good. You have to take people at their word especially when they've respected you by being direct.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If you are aight waiting again by all means. I guess its not 3 months even if its still arbitrary as fuck.
she hasn't done me wrong you guys... i guess I would need to go into details, but it's late right now and I have work to do. just trust me on this.
We were more like friends with benefits, it came to an end pretty quickly because of external factors, and I was disappointed. I'd like to have that door back open if possible, so I'll talk to her.
We were more like friends with benefits, it came to an end pretty quickly because of external factors, and I was disappointed. I'd like to have that door back open if possible, so I'll talk to her.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
So let's just run this down real quick...
YOU called her your ex, it ended because of "external factors" (whatever the hell that means), you still have feelings for her, she dumped you and she has a bf but you're still trying to open that door back up to bang her. Have I covered everything?
Can't imagine why people are telling you to get out of there. Normal friends don't just awkwardly hug you tightly and say some random thing about liking hugs. That's what people who want attention do to (shockingly) get more attention. Come on son.
im just bad at telling the situation then...
the whole situation is pretty exciting to me, what else do I have if I drop it? All the girls in class have boyfriends, what's the point? At least I have fun, don't ruin it for me.
edit; if i had listened to this thread back in december i'd still be a virgin lol
the whole situation is pretty exciting to me, what else do I have if I drop it? All the girls in class have boyfriends, what's the point? At least I have fun, don't ruin it for me.
edit; if i had listened to this thread back in december i'd still be a virgin lol
If you don't want your rainbow pixie fantasy ruined, then don't post it in here, because we've all seen your situation before and where it leads. We're here to give advice, not enable decisions we think are bad. If you don't want to believe us that's fine and dandy and you can continue on in your life, but getting defensive is going to convince zero of the posters here. Your situation is not unique... no one's is.
EDIT for your edit - Good job? Obviously you don't need our help since you got this whole dating/relationship thing down pat 100%
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
All you're saying here is you're very new to all of this and don't know shit. Which is fine because it's true, but it's bad form to blame others for not seeing things your admittedly naive way.
all I'm saying is that I have problems of low self-esteem and lack of confidence, it's incredibly stressful for me to muster the courage to ask her stuff that's that personal as it is, this thread is kind of scaring me. I want to make mistakes, I don't care. I just don't want to fall back into my old self.
Aslo: I've never been interested in dating, not really. it takes too much of my thoughts and focus, im kind of an opportunist in matters of love, this time is no different. I don't see myself hitting the bar scene or making a okcupid profile once this is over. it's very fleeting for me.
Aslo: I've never been interested in dating, not really. it takes too much of my thoughts and focus, im kind of an opportunist in matters of love, this time is no different. I don't see myself hitting the bar scene or making a okcupid profile once this is over. it's very fleeting for me.
wanderingprostheyltite
Member
Yeah I've had that before, it sucks but passes with time, ideally lol.
Zaraki has it spot on. This 'it's all I have' mindset is poison. So what if all the other girls in class have boyfriends? You know who else has a bf? This freaking girl. Why do you want to pursue someone who you'll have to see daily anyway? Suppose things go wrong or she dumps you? Back to square one. You realize these are other girls outside of the classroom, right? Until you get the confidence to realize that you are awesome and can just go out there and meet people, this dumb fantasy will be the only thing you have, and it is something of your own making.
You want to meet someone? Get out there and act on it. By acting on it, I don't mean wasting your time on someone with a bf, and especially not someone who is your ex.
But, if you're adament on pursuing this charade:
1) You want to help her cheat on you
or
2) You want her to dump her bf for you. If this happens, you'll have established that she'll be willing to dump her bf at the drop of a hat.
or
3) You're okay with getting breadcrumbs of attention from her (but not an actual relationship or sex), which she will be more than willing to string you along with for years if you let her.
I mean, yolo I guess.
You want to meet someone? Get out there and act on it. By acting on it, I don't mean wasting your time on someone with a bf, and especially not someone who is your ex.
But, if you're adament on pursuing this charade:
1) You want to help her cheat on you
or
2) You want her to dump her bf for you. If this happens, you'll have established that she'll be willing to dump her bf at the drop of a hat.
or
3) You're okay with getting breadcrumbs of attention from her (but not an actual relationship or sex), which she will be more than willing to string you along with for years if you let her.
I mean, yolo I guess.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I don't think anyone's concerned about that.
She picked someone else over you, and you're having a hard time moving on. We've all been there. Make your mistakes, I guess.
Raven117
Member
There is so much honesty in this post. I enjoyed reading it.
The advice of Gaf about truly the safe route with your mental health is to simply leave this be and not talk to her. And do recall that the girl that is using you also has a bf.
If you like the torment, the attention getting, the anguish, well, bro, continue on with what you are doing. If you want to man up and find someone that makes ya happy and enjoy spending time with...have some respect for yourself, and ignore this one.
ill be honest then: i want her to cheat on her boyfriend with me. that's my wish right now. im sorry if it's morally wrong, it's what i want.
not saying it's going to happen, but it feels good saying it, fantasizing about it...
really sorry about this, at first i just wanted to post how great that hug made me feel, guess it backfired...
not saying it's going to happen, but it feels good saying it, fantasizing about it...
really sorry about this, at first i just wanted to post how great that hug made me feel, guess it backfired...
Honestly, Kurt, can you think of one scenario where she will actually get back to you? 1) She already dumped you. 2) She is easily stringing you along and you are letting her. If you can't respect yourself, why should she? What has changed about you that would make her want to hook up with you? Lower confidence is not a valid answer.
You are only thinking this because it's the laziest approach for you. I mean, it's fine to have the fantasy, it's when you act on it or let it control your life that things go awry.
I'm sure lots of people think and feel the same way about taken women they meet. At worst, keep in touch with your friend, and if something doesn't work out, give her some time and ask her out. Who knows?
/shrug
Just don't overthink it or obsess over her.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I mean, you're not the first person to ever want a girl to cheat on her bf with you. So I mean, w/e in regards to that. But if you don't care for a relationship I don't see why you need to fantasize about any of this as opposed to just going and hooking up with women who are down for activities.
Which is why I don't really buy the whole "I don't want relationships but when my ex hugged me it felt like magic and rainbows" shit. Yeah okay, if you say so.
Whether you wait on this girl and hope she does a shitty thing or not is irrelevant to me personally. But the, "this is all I have, don't ruin it for me" thing is weird man. Why even share that then? We suppose to high five you for a display like that?
What he means is that this is effortless attention from a girl; he doesn't need to do anything so he'll take it. It's enough attention to sustain him in his comfortable loneliness without him feeling like he has to risk stepping out of that comfort zone. I mean, it's a poisonous self-destructive mindset, but I can understand where it's coming from.
You should really really stop focusing on our words impact her (they don't. at all.) and focus on how her actions are affecting you negatively. It's complete deflection that you're upset about internet people calling her attention-seeking, boohoo how will she recover, when none of this has any sort of remote impact on her. This will be my last say on this.
Following-up on my post from a week ago, I want to set things straight with her. I don't know if I can keep things going like it is right now (she hasn't contacted me in a week).
I said I'd leave her alone to sort things out, but I want to have a say on the matter as well.
But then I'm back to trying to stick to the plan in leaving her alone, because I don't want to stress her out. But the matter is just stressing me out just the same.
I don't know, guys. I'm going around in circles on this like an idiot.
I said I'd leave her alone to sort things out, but I want to have a say on the matter as well.
But then I'm back to trying to stick to the plan in leaving her alone, because I don't want to stress her out. But the matter is just stressing me out just the same.
I don't know, guys. I'm going around in circles on this like an idiot.
SneakersSO
Member
As someone who is on the Jersey side of the Passaic, I feel your pain. I don't even BOTHER messaging girls that list any NY Island location as their place of residence. Its reallly tough to break that barrier once they realize they gotta cross a body of water to get to you.
SneakersSO
Member
Sooooo, i'm in a bit of a pickle with the girl I took on a date friday night. I'm basically at a cross-roads, and the ball is in my court. She's placed it in my court. I like her, she likes me. Sounds simple enough, right? Wellll.
Basically, being with her in the biblical sense exposes me, health wise. I appreciate she told me up front, and I never got the full weight of what being in such a situation must be like for the afflicted person. To be honest, even though I do have quite an accomplished dating career over the last 12 years (although i've admittedly allowed my dating skill set to get extremely rusty these last 3 or 4 years, as many of you on here can tell from my posts these last few weeks), i've never knowingly been with someone that put me in a health risk. And this is a girl i've started to develop feelings for, so this would be something long term, meaning its long-term exposure.
This is hard. She's given me a guilt-free out, but instead of taking it, I continued talking to her, HOWEVER, I made it clear that I still am thinking things over. I enjoy her company, and she really enjoys mine, and we've been such great company to one another these last few days that its gonna be hard just giving each other up cold turkey. She's floated the 'we could be friends' idea, but ultimately, I already know that it wouldn't be fair to either of us - our feelings wouldn't dissipate just like that, and us spending time together just brings us back to where we were. Anyone ever been in a similar situation and willing to offer advice?
Basically, being with her in the biblical sense exposes me, health wise. I appreciate she told me up front, and I never got the full weight of what being in such a situation must be like for the afflicted person. To be honest, even though I do have quite an accomplished dating career over the last 12 years (although i've admittedly allowed my dating skill set to get extremely rusty these last 3 or 4 years, as many of you on here can tell from my posts these last few weeks), i've never knowingly been with someone that put me in a health risk. And this is a girl i've started to develop feelings for, so this would be something long term, meaning its long-term exposure.
This is hard. She's given me a guilt-free out, but instead of taking it, I continued talking to her, HOWEVER, I made it clear that I still am thinking things over. I enjoy her company, and she really enjoys mine, and we've been such great company to one another these last few days that its gonna be hard just giving each other up cold turkey. She's floated the 'we could be friends' idea, but ultimately, I already know that it wouldn't be fair to either of us - our feelings wouldn't dissipate just like that, and us spending time together just brings us back to where we were. Anyone ever been in a similar situation and willing to offer advice?
Miles Quaritch
Member
She has an STI?
SneakersSO
Member
Which one?
Yeah, it depends what STI it is.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Drips of information are annoying. If you want advice, just tell us so we can give some and not have this frustrating back and forth of which one, etc.
Pretty sure he's dead.
Anyone tried chatting up random girls on Facebook before? Saw this cute girl on there and added her, she added me back. Send her this line , "You seem familiar, have we met?".
She goes " I don't think so."
I reply "Well it was a worth a shot,
". Is there any way to be smooth doing this. Anything else you could mention to help steer people you don't know into a conversation?
She goes " I don't think so."
I reply "Well it was a worth a shot,
". Is there any way to be smooth doing this. Anything else you could mention to help steer people you don't know into a conversation?Shuggananas
Banned
There isn't unless you're really hotAnyone tried chatting up random girls on Facebook before? Saw this cute girl on there and added her, she added me back. Send her this line , "You seem familiar, have we met?".
She goes " I don't think so."
I reply "Well it was a worth a shot,
Anyone tried chatting up random girls on Facebook before? Saw this cute girl on there and added her, she added me back. Send her this line , "You seem familiar, have we met?".
She goes " I don't think so."
I reply "Well it was a worth a shot,
Just talk to her. Ask her interesting questions, be funny... Same as okc or tinder or life. It's all the same. If she thinks you are worth talking to then she will talk to you.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Distance wise, it's like you're in another country
SneakersSO
Member
Sorry about that. It was just late last night, and I didn't think the exact STI was going to be pertinent. Its herpes.
If she takes treatment when she has a flareup and you avoid physical contact when she does, that should minimize your chances of getting it.
However, if you're paranoid about it, you should know that it will never be a 0% change of transmission (even with condoms), given possible asymptomatic viral shedding too.
But herpes is what it is. For some people, it's not a big deal, for others it is. Yeah, it's a STI, but a large percentage of the population has it, even kids (whoops, kid kissed someone, now s/he has it on the lips). I mean, you get a few crusty vesicles for a few days/week, and it'll be uncomfortable or might sting a bit, but they will go away (and treatment can help make it less severe and last shorter). As for frequency, it varies a long. Some people never get a flareup, some every few years, some every month.
There's technically a difference btw oral herpes (hsv-1) and genital (hsv-2) in terms of severity (2 is worse), but they really are interchangeable. Someone with cold sores could give the milder hsv-1 genital herpes to someone else via oral sex.
Herpes is not a death sentence, and you might even have already been exposed to it if you've ever kissed anyone (or even a family member as a kid). If you stay with someone who has herpes, there's a chance you get it. Maybe, maybe not. But you run that risk if youbget sexually involved with anyone, it'll never be 0%.
However, if you're paranoid about it, you should know that it will never be a 0% change of transmission (even with condoms), given possible asymptomatic viral shedding too.
But herpes is what it is. For some people, it's not a big deal, for others it is. Yeah, it's a STI, but a large percentage of the population has it, even kids (whoops, kid kissed someone, now s/he has it on the lips). I mean, you get a few crusty vesicles for a few days/week, and it'll be uncomfortable or might sting a bit, but they will go away (and treatment can help make it less severe and last shorter). As for frequency, it varies a long. Some people never get a flareup, some every few years, some every month.
There's technically a difference btw oral herpes (hsv-1) and genital (hsv-2) in terms of severity (2 is worse), but they really are interchangeable. Someone with cold sores could give the milder hsv-1 genital herpes to someone else via oral sex.
Herpes is not a death sentence, and you might even have already been exposed to it if you've ever kissed anyone (or even a family member as a kid). If you stay with someone who has herpes, there's a chance you get it. Maybe, maybe not. But you run that risk if youbget sexually involved with anyone, it'll never be 0%.
I've dated a girl with herpes before. Lasted about 8 months or so and during that time she never had a break out. We were sexually active (with and without condoms) and it really wasn't a big deal. I just told her to let me know if it flares up and it was all good. I didn't get it, so I'd say if you like her, keep at it and just communicate about the situation when needed.
Pretty much.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
For some reason I woke up down today, this girl is amazing. I honestly feel it's too good to last and don't want to feel like shit when it fizzles away. I know the common response is "have some confidence in yourself", but I just can't fucking shake the feeling. Just after this I'm seriously dreading the idea of being out there on the "dating scene" again, so sick of it
Anyone tried chatting up random girls on Facebook before? Saw this cute girl on there and added her, she added me back. Send her this line , "You seem familiar, have we met?".
She goes " I don't think so."
I reply "Well it was a worth a shot,
This is pretty weird, and I've heard from multiple women who've had guys do this that it freaks them out.
Keep the date/pickup stuff to the dating sites if you're looking for that online.
---
Personal situation: The girl I went on the date with on Friday, (and didn't feel a connection with), has ghosted. So I think it's safe to say that she felt the same lack of connection. Oh well.
Find something to busy your mind so you aren't thinking about it. You probably just woke up in a funk.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Good god man, I know what you mean, but please just enjoy it. It's not even about confidence, it's about actively stopping your thought processes going in that direction. Also I'm pretty sure if you're down all the time worrying about whether it'll end rather than enjoying it, it'll probably end a lot sooner!
I know what you mean though, I remember the day after a really fun date with a girl I liked, I felt really depressed. So silly!
wanderingprostheyltite
Member
Anyone tried chatting up random girls on Facebook before? Saw this cute girl on there and added her, she added me back. Send her this line , "You seem familiar, have we met?".
She goes " I don't think so."
I reply "Well it was a worth a shot,
Just be like Phil in Groundhog Day and collect information on her, then after "I Got You Babe" finishes playing again go in for the kill.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpNjbSzVoQ4
Real answer: Treat it like any other intro on other dating sites and see where it goes
edit: So I'm in a somewhat emotionally confusing situation. This girl I had a thing with off and on years ago had recently shown up on my radar again due to finding each other on fb. At first it seemed like a casual catch up chit chat thing as she's currently in a relationship, but as she starts talking it feels like she wants to meet up. So we did, about a couple weeks back. Her energy was incredibly awkward and somewhat standoffish despite it being mostly her idea, I figured maybe there were some unresolved feelings with us. I clarified with her over text afterwards and she chalked it up to stress in her life, relationship troubles etc. So we go our separate ways and yesterday she texts me again, thanking me for being a listening ear and everything. As the convo progresses she talks about how she and her bf are going to be entering into an open relationship soon, and she confirms she'd be interested in being physical with me again. I suppose the confusion stems from being mostly used to monogamous or at least the knowledge of the other party being in that situation. Sure it's just sex but something about it has always felt a bit off with my own personal views of relationships. Not like I care what other people do, but me being involved with someone that's in that particular arrangement is where the confusion stems. I'm sure I'll mostly get "just smash" responses but eh, thought I'd share.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I've been busy all day with work and trying to keep myself extra busy on top of that, I hope it was just a funk, just since morning I've been feeling really down
Don't know what's going on with me, got a call from my mum and almost broke down for something completely unrelated, this girl I'm seeing wasn't even on my mind. For some reason I'm noticing how hyper emotional I am today, don't know what the hell is happening today. Hopefully it's just some one of those funky days as they say.
AdventureRacing
Member
Anyone tried chatting up random girls on Facebook before? Saw this cute girl on there and added her, she added me back. Send her this line , "You seem familiar, have we met?".
She goes " I don't think so."
I reply "Well it was a worth a shot,
My GF previously had this happen and thought it was really creepy. In general I have to say I'm not a fan of it either. In general I think that's better left to sites actually aimed at dating.
Go with what you feel comfortable with over anything. If it's awkward for you to be involved in an open relationship, talk to her about that.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
So I've been seeing someone on and off for about a year now.
It started as a one night stand and moved on to a quasi-relationship but we never really discussed boundaries or anything.
Over the past year she has ended things with me multiple times, but always winds up coming back.
The weekend before Valentines day we had brunch and made plans to do something the Monday after Valentines day, as I work on the weekends.
I then got a message telling me she was over me and wants nothing to do with me again. I proceeded to block her on everything Facebook, texts ect... Then this weekend I get an Instagram message where she said she wanted to talk and hangout this Monday.
Like the fool I am I unblocked her on Facebook and started talking to her again, I was drunk and a bit lonely.
I wind up going over to her place last night but today when we woke up I was feeling pretty down and depressed that I so easily let someone back in my life that has always abandoned me at a whim.
We had dinner out today and for some reason I have been continually getting more depressed at the situation. I know I need to end it once and for all but I just don't know how to do it....
It started as a one night stand and moved on to a quasi-relationship but we never really discussed boundaries or anything.
Over the past year she has ended things with me multiple times, but always winds up coming back.
The weekend before Valentines day we had brunch and made plans to do something the Monday after Valentines day, as I work on the weekends.
I then got a message telling me she was over me and wants nothing to do with me again. I proceeded to block her on everything Facebook, texts ect... Then this weekend I get an Instagram message where she said she wanted to talk and hangout this Monday.
Like the fool I am I unblocked her on Facebook and started talking to her again, I was drunk and a bit lonely.
I wind up going over to her place last night but today when we woke up I was feeling pretty down and depressed that I so easily let someone back in my life that has always abandoned me at a whim.
We had dinner out today and for some reason I have been continually getting more depressed at the situation. I know I need to end it once and for all but I just don't know how to do it....
Bruce Springsteen
Member
you already blocked her on everything but she DM'd you on Instagram, block her on that and move on so she can't contact you
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