Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

Status
Not open for further replies.
fuuuuck.

Found a really cute girl. She really likes me and we work really well so far (2 months). Problem is she is in grad school and its ramping up and then her life is in going to be in up in the air as soon as she graduates. I think if i stay in it, ill fall for her, but there is like a 60/40 chance she will be leaving my area. I dont want a long distance thing.

So i might just be setting myself up for some sadness, or parlay it into something really awesome, if she can stay in town which has a lot of opportunities.
 
fuuuuck.

Found a really cute girl. She really likes me and we work really well so far (2 months). Problem is she is in grad school and its ramping up and then her life is in going to be in up in the air as soon as she graduates. I think if i stay in it, ill fall for her, but there is like a 60/40 chance she will be leaving my area. I dont want a long distance thing.

So i might just be setting myself up for some sadness, or parlay it into something really awesome, if she can stay in town which has a lot of opportunities.

If you don't think you can control how you feel about her, and you think that this is the only potential future fur you two, then you might wanna head things off. However, if you feel that you can enjoy the relationship and keep it light & fun, not let it get heavy, then I don't see why you can't enjoy the remaining time you two have together.
 
Don't you say that and lie to all of us. Love is one of the most fantastic experiences a person can enjoy in their lifetime. You gonna give that up cause it didn't work out with someone?

(I say all this with confidence cause it sounds like everything is going well with you two, and I genuinely hope it continues to do so & then some)

Trust me when I say I want this to work out, but I'm a hopeless romantic myself and I don't want to get hurt if it doesn't work. I want to be open but if I get too open then it hurts the most.

I came out of multi year relationship last year, I'm glad it's done as I'm much better for it, but it really sucks being that open with someone and having to start over.
 
Trust me when I say I want this to work out, but I'm a hopeless romantic myself and I don't want to get hurt if it doesn't work. I want to be open but if I get too open then it hurts the most.

I came out of multi year relationship last year, I'm glad it's done as I'm much better for it, but it really sucks being that open with someone and having to start over.

I understand that. Being open with someone is one of the more vulnerable experiences in life. But we shouldn't close ourselves off just because it doesn't work out. It didn't work out because you were open; it didn't work out for a whole bunch of other reasons. Closing yourself off will just make it harder for any potential relationships in the future.

Besides, this one sounds like she's gonna be here for awhile. So I don't think you gotta worry about this too much.
 
Still, the travels, hobbies and social activities they participate in are facts, independent of how they might feel about themselves. They don't waste their life as I do.

At the end of the day, though, they're on dating sites just like you. So all these "great" things in their life still leaves them empty. They're not any better or more special than you. In fact, it tends to be the opposite. People that are brash about showing off are often the most shallow.

Do NOT come at dating (especially online dating) with the idea that anyone is out of your league. Forget about "leagues" at all. That sort of cliquey bullshit should be left on the high school playground.
 
I'd post my highlights too, if I had any.

Still, the travels, hobbies and social activities they participate in are facts, independent of how they might feel about themselves. They don't waste their life as I do.

Serious question and not meant to be glib: have you considered not wasting your life?

Otherwise stated, why do you think you're wasting it?

At the end of the day, though, they're on dating sites just like you. So all these "great" things in their life still leaves them empty. They're not any better or more special than you. In fact, it tends to be the opposite. People that are brash about showing off are often the most shallow.

Do NOT come at dating (especially online dating) with the idea that anyone is out of your league. Forget about "leagues" at all. That sort of cliquey bullshit should be left on the high school playground.

I fundamentally disagree with this, but probably not for the reasons you'd suspect. People with interests are more interesting (tautological statement, I know) than those without. People who engage in social activities are, all else being equal, more socially adept and better at communication, all of which factors into maintaining a healthy relationship, than those who aren't. And those who travel and experience other cultures are, holding everything constant, better positioned to view the world around them.

So, in short: there are leagues. But it's not cliquey bullshit, and they aren't ordered vertically. It's more like a Venn diagram (remember those from high school?). It's simply understanding the fact that, if you want to attract someone who, for instance, has a visceral love of traveling, you've got to at least be open to the idea of going abroad.

Further, many people on dating sites aren't empty at all. Many lead fulfilling lives and find it a convenient way to meet people. And, I'll address the following point, and it's perhaps not something people want to hear: people aren't better than others, but some people's experiences are more special. It's a solid reason to seek out those experiences yourself.
 
Serious question and not meant to be glib: have you considered not wasting your life?

Otherwise stated, why do you think you're wasting it?



I fundamentally disagree with this, but probably not for the reasons you'd suspect. People with interests are more interesting (tautological statement, I know) than those without. People who engage in social activities are, all else being equal, more socially adept and better at communication, all of which factors into maintaining a healthy relationship, than those who aren't. And those who travel and experience other cultures are, holding everything constant, better positioned to view the world around them.

So, in short: there are leagues. But it's not cliquey bullshit, and they aren't ordered vertically. It's more like a Venn diagram (remember those from high school?). It's simply understanding the fact that, if you want to attract someone who, for instance, has a visceral love of traveling, you've got to at least be open to the idea of going abroad.

Further, many people on dating sites aren't empty at all. Many lead fulfilling lives and find it a convenient way to meet people. And, I'll address the following point, and it's perhaps not something people want to hear: people aren't better than others, but some people's experiences are more special. It's a solid reason to seek out those experiences yourself.

Agreed with this, couldn't have said it better. I'd rather date someone who actually has hobbies and gets out there by traveling or being social than someone who looks upon someone who DOES do those things as being "shallow." Good grief. If you're sitting behind your keyboard and judging people who actually go out and do things when you admit yourself you're jealous of people who do those things, then that's a you problem, not a them problem.
 
Update time. Barring any unforeseen activities, this should be 'the end' of it. So, what happened? To catch up - last monday, the girl I had been talking to dropped the STI bombshell on me (HSV-2) and, even though i'd normally just say thanks but no thanks, I gave it some consideration on account of the fact that I actually liked her. We had a hands above the waist cuddle session the following tuesday night, and things seemed to be going well.

Now, to be honest, I had started to back away, mostly cause I didn't want an erection clouding my judgement as I thought about whether or not I should continue this. We had another date night planned on friday night, which got cancelled due to her wanting to hang with her best friend who was going through some things. So, we rescheduled for Saturday.

Saturday afternoon rolls around, and before our date, I decide to go do one of my workouts. I've been working out fairly regularly for almost a year now, and i'm actually down about 50 pounds or so since last May (hit 300 by the end of the year from 340, down an additional 10 since mid-January, goal is to be under 250 by dec. 31st). While i'm at the gym, she tells me that she was out with her roommate, having a glass of wine. This had happened before, and usually it meant that plans were going to change. I asked her where she was, thinking i'd just go to where they were after I was done working out. About 10 minutes go by, I don't hear anything, so I get on the treadmill to begin my run.

I typically run for half an hour, and I run with my phone in my pocket & its on silent. When I finish my run, I look at my phone, and there are two texts from her. The first had gone in 5 minutes after my run started, which was basically her accusing me of wanting to flake on her & go out partying with my friends (this has NEVER happened between us at all, so I have no idea where this accusation was even coming from). The 2nd text, which came in 20 minutes after the first, and was 5 minutes before I got done running, tells me she expected more from me, to delete her number, and have a good life.

This strikes a nerve with me. I have my own abandonment issues from my childhood, so to see someone that I was genuinely getting feelings for is willing to write me off like that over NOTHING, hit me in a weird way. I decided then that, ya know what, I ain't hitting her up at all anymore. Went home, got a shower, went out with some friends. Then, she starts blowing up my phone. Texts, calls, can't believe I won't respond to her, she's hysterical. I decide to myself that i'll talk to her the next day and let her down officially, so that there is no doubt.

On Sunday, this is where I make a grave mistake. She is basically hitting me up non-stop all day. Apologizing, wondering what went wrong, etc. I break down and give in, mostly cause I know the feeling of what she is going through, and I wanted to spare her from it. However, I just couldn't end it outright. I kept giving her some hope, which was my downfall. Every time I told her I need space & time, she would flip out on me. At this point, I know there is zero future with this girl. I can't lead her on, so I spend the next few days forcing a ton of space between us, which she of course keeps not respecting.

Finally, today, I invite her over in the hopes to let her down once & for all. Yes, things got a little heated (making out & what not), but once she realized I was unwilling to touch her at all, she understood that I wasn't going to be comfortable with this. I told her that I don't think we should speak for a few days, and she finally just nodded and understood. She seemed really sad as she left - I know she is probably going to want to try to still convince me to give her another shot, but I just can't. Too many red flags. I'm glad this all came out early, as the STI was already a huge warning sign, but all of these terrible personality traits were not something i'd be able to put up with long-term (the not being able to respect requests for space, the clinginess, the namecalling, & the excessive drinking, to name a few).

So, I guess the search begins again.
 
*Shrug* I used Online Dating as an excuse to be more interesting. And you know what? Once I got out there to try stuff because they'd make for good photos, I ended up finding stuff I genuinely enjoy doing.

Bemoaning those with better profiles accomplishes nothing. Use it as motivation instead.
 
That guy sounded like he was getting too attached, too quickly. Also, what kind of grown man calls pussy 'the V'? Like, I dunno, sexual talk in my book has never gone well when incorporating such juvenile descriptions.

Yay for dodging the bullet. I didn't wanna say anything, since people were already sharing the same sentiment I had, but it just didn't sound like it was gonna work out. Hopefully the next guy is more your speed.
Thanks I really hope so too. To be fair he did calm down a bit with the texting after i said I was busy but it was all the sexual stuff and stuff like "maybe sometime you can shower at my house" shit.
i am uncomfortable with sexual talk when I haven't even met the person because I personally think it is inappropriate because I have stated that I am not looking to just fuck around.
 
(Agreeing with Cutter, Diabolo, and Salamando)

Yeah, I didn't want to reply, at the risk of sounding like a dick, but here goes. The question always is, "would you date you?"

Interesting things interest other people. My social media is full of photos from other countries, food from different places and other "interesting" things. My day to day life is pretty boring - I work every day and just kind of walk around and watch people. But it's more interesting than most people, because I've worked my ass off to make it that way. If you want to attract people, not doing anything interesting or noteworthy isn't a way to do it.

However, there are obviously going to be people who can't, for medical or other reasons, make their lives super interesting. While I empathize, sometimes creating interesting situations is more a matter of being creative than anything. Think outside the box. See a therapist. Maximize what you have.

If you want a long term relationship, you generally need to work on yourself and mold yourself into a person that other people want to be around.
 
Thanks I really hope so too. To be fair he did calm down a bit with the texting after i said I was busy but it was all the sexual stuff and stuff like "maybe sometime you can shower at my house" shit.
i am uncomfortable with sexual talk when I haven't even met the person because I personally think it is inappropriate because I have stated that I am not looking to just fuck around.

Yeahhhh, pushing sexual stuff too soon can be a bit of a warning sign. The girl I just ended things with actually requested dick pics on the 2nd day we had started talking. Mind you, we hadn't even met yet. It was novel & direct, so I did send her one, but dear lord did that throw me for a loop.

Going forward, i'm gonna keep that in mind when interacting with new romantic interests.
 
I have to ask....was I the only one here who used a single picture of themselves in their bedroom in their profile picture across all dating sites?

I'm not crazy good looking either. I've been told I'm handsome, but I put most of my efforts into the rest of my profile and did pretty well for the most part. Encountered a few flakes and time wasters, but I met my current girlfriend and she thought the single picture showed confidence and encouraged her to read my profile.
 
Alright, I just gotta be the one to call this out - whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

You sound awesome. Very grounded & real, not at all stuck up. If guys can't handle a woman who can think for themselves, fuck it. I don't know what you look like, but honestly, i'm at the point in life, and i've seen enough people get together, where I don't really think looks matter all that much. They obviously do to some extent when establishing attraction, but your personality sounds awesome. If guys are gonna treat ya like that, then fuck those guys, they weren't worth it to begin with.

Btw, for anyone still keeping up with my situation, I keep trying to let this girl down easy. There are quite a few parts of the situation I haven't elaborated on yet, mostly because I want the situation to be resolved before I update the whole thread about what happened, but CHRIST, I feel terrible i'm breaking her heart.

In my case, that means all men lol. Oh well.

I'm glad you finally let that girl down and did it kindly.

I feel like it's been getting worse and worse the more online dating becomes a norm. There used to be a lot of guys genuinely confident and looking to start a relationship but now it's almost like it's another tool for them to just fuck anyone (and yes women do it too) the quality of guys is usually low and I have given up so much so I don't blame you at all for not caring anymore because it seems you are having a similar problem as me a year or so back, just a bunch of freaks that like to insult for no reason and ghost after leading you on. I had a guy I really liked tell me he didn't like how I thought of men when I told him that a Parliament screening was all old white men and how I think that could be a bias in passing bills....anyway, girl there is always a diamond in the rough you just have to keep digging through the coal.

I'm also glad you stopped talking to that guy! He didn't sound worth it at all.

You'll find someone cool, of that I have no doubt :)
 
I have this ridiculous amount of anxiety when it comes to getting laid, and I find the the prospect of actually succeeding both awesome and scary at the same time. I'm pretty sure this is the thing that will hold me back if I actually get further than kissing girls. I'm still a virgin at an age where most people have already had plenty of practice (23), and nobody except a few people know this (all of my acquaintances otherwise in the past have assumed I've gotten laid before). I dunno how to deal with basically knowing almost nothing about sex if a cute girl brings me back to her place to bang. I'm probably going to fuck up out of sheer nervousness and do stuff like 'durr, is condom right way' and 'how do i put it on'
 
Yeahhhh, pushing sexual stuff too soon can be a bit of a warning sign. The girl I just ended things with actually requested dick pics on the 2nd day we had started talking. Mind you, we hadn't even met yet. It was novel & direct, so I did send her one, but dear lord did that throw me for a loop.

Going forward, i'm gonna keep that in mind when interacting with new romantic interests.

Weird, I didn't know dick pics were requested I just though they were handed out lol. I think it sends the wrong message when you are too sexual too fast, unless you want to be taken that way.

I'm also glad you stopped talking to that guy! He didn't sound worth it at all.

You'll find someone cool, of that I have no doubt :)

Yeah I feel like this time around I stopped just settling and let my intuition guide me. Thanks, I really hope I meet a guy that matches my coolness :P
 
Weird, I didn't know dick pics were requested I just though they were handed out lol
. I think it sends the wrong message when you are too sexual too fast, unless you want to be taken that way.



Yeah I feel like this time around I stopped just settling and let my intuition guide me. Thanks, I really hope I meet a guy that matches my coolness :P

I have a blanket request for them in all of my social media profiles
 
Yeah, I didn't want to reply, at the risk of sounding like a dick, but here goes. The question always is, "would you date you?"

This should be in the op. Every time I whine about not getting any responses on OKC or getting rejected IRL (and I still do whine constantly), asking myself this question tends to help out a lot. I've improved myself quite a bit in the past few years, and prior to that, the answer would have been "hell no!" if I were a girl. Nowadays it's more like "eh, maybe".

You want smokin' hot babes, you gotta put in dat effort, yo.
 
This should be in the op. Every time I whine about not getting any responses on OKC or getting rejected IRL (and I still do whine constantly), this question tends to help out a lot. I've improved myself quite a bit in the past few years, and prior to that, the answer would have been "hell no!" if I were a girl. Nowadays it's more like "eh, maybe".

You want smokin' hot babes, you gotta put in dat effort, yo.

Right. And how often do people in here bitch about people with nothing in their profile, etc.? No one likes someone who's boring.
 
Weird, I didn't know dick pics were requested I just though they were handed out lol. I think it sends the wrong message when you are too sexual too fast, unless you want to be taken that way.

Trust me, that was my reaction too. But i'm not one to turn down a request from a lovely young lady (this situation will never happen again in my life, without a doubt).
 
So this is less of a dating question and more of just a "hooking up" question; if I go to parties and stuff at school with the sole intention of just hooking up with someone, how do I make it clear that that's all I'm looking for? Just say it the minute anything starts?

I've basically given up on actually dating for the next year or two at this point because I'm still hung up on that girl, but I need something. I can't go on being the poor virgin who never has any human connection, physical or emotional. I just don't feel like it's fair to date someone for the purpose of getting over someone else, but I also just don't feel like going through the hassle of finding someone to date right now, especially with other stuff I'm dealing with aside from her. Is this shitty of me to think this way?
 
I have a blanket request for them in all of my social media profiles
Jeez I feel like this is the reason men are fueled to just throw them at people because a few girls wanna see the south pole. Maybe that's why tinder got rid of 'moments'.
Trust me, that was my reaction too. But i'm not one to turn down a request from a lovely young lady (this situation will never happen again in my life, without a doubt).
Well I mean she asked you. What other than to see if you are big enough would be her reason? That is the only conclusion I can think of in women requesting PEEN photos, is he big enough?
 
Planning a year or two to get over a girl who never actually went out with you? Dude....
It's complicated, but we've already been over this a billion times. We're super close friends now, and every time I pull away to try to get over her I realize that I can't do that without losing a majority of my already small friend group. Plus, I really enjoy being around her, and she enjoys being around me, it just can't work between us right now. I'm not assuming it's going to be a year or two to get over her, but that's just how long until I won't be around her as much anymore, some of the other stuff I'm dealing with may have cleared up, and other stuff may have cropped up (if that makes any sense).

Basically, unless something crazy comes along, I don't want to deal with anything serious for the next year or so. I'm still in college and I have a lot of stuff to deal with, even aside from this whole thing with her so fuck it, why not just screw around? People always tell me that my problem is I'm always going for something serious, so why not stop that and just see what happens? I just don't want to become that douchebag who goes to parties, sleeps with people and then bails, but I have no idea how this stuff goes either, because I've never done it before. I've been around it, but until now always thought I shouldn't do it myself.
 
It's complicated, but we've already been over this a billion times. We're super close friends now, and every time I pull away to try to get over her I realize that I can't do that without losing a majority of my already small friend group. Plus, I really enjoy being around her, and she enjoys being around me, it just can't work between us right now. I'm not assuming it's going to be a year or two to get over her, but that's just how long until I won't be around her as much anymore, some of the other stuff I'm dealing with may have cleared up, and other stuff may have cropped up (if that makes any sense).

Basically, unless something crazy comes along, I don't want to deal with anything serious for the next year or so. I'm still in college and I have a lot of stuff to deal with, even aside from this whole thing with her so fuck it, why not just screw around? People always tell me that my problem is I'm always going for something serious, so why not stop that and just see what happens? I just don't want to become that douchebag who goes to parties, sleeps with people and then bails, but I have no idea how this stuff goes either, because I've never done it before. I've been around it, but until now always thought I shouldn't do it myself.

Be honest with yourself - if this girl turned around and wanted to date you, would you turn her down? Having a lot of stuff to deal with sounds more like an excuse. Yeah, it's not easy to be in college and work a job and have a relationship, but lots of students have done just that.

If you wanna screw around, screw around. That won't fix the "virgin who never has any human connection, physical or emotional" part. True, you won't be a virgin anymore, but likely-drunken casual sex doesn't carry with it connections. It's just fun. You build those connections by having people in your life you see repeatedly. Good friends, family, community, you get the idea.
 
Be honest with yourself - if this girl turned around and wanted to date you, would you turn her down? Having a lot of stuff to deal with sounds more like an excuse. Yeah, it's not easy to be in college and work a job and have a relationship, but lots of students have done just that.

If you wanna screw around, screw around. That won't fix the "virgin who never has any human connection, physical or emotional" part. True, you won't be a virgin anymore, but likely-drunken casual sex doesn't carry with it connections. It's just fun. You build those connections by having people in your life you see repeatedly. Good friends, family, community, you get the idea.
Oh, I absolutely wouldn't turn her down, because I'm willing to put the effort in with her and deal with my college/family/health issues at the same time. But I haven't met anyone else I'm willing to do that with. But then again, you're probably right, I'm just making excuses.

And that was really poor wording on my part. I'm not thinking casual sex is going to give me emotional connections. And I have that with a fair amount of friends now (although, this girl is one of those connections funnily enough). I've just found myself having a ridiculous amount of sexual... tension? is that the word? Anyway, the last like 2-3 weeks it's gotten really bad. I just need something. And that's not even the type of person I usually am, but lately it's like I don't even care about finding a relationship aside from her, I just want someone to sleep with. It's weird and kind of frustrating. I guess I'm looking for what you said - fun. Fun to distract me or release some of this tension or whatever. This is probably the worst way to go about all this, but I feel like it's the easiest thing to do right now.
 
Oh, I absolutely wouldn't turn her down, because I'm willing to put the effort in with her and deal with my college/family/health issues at the same time. But I haven't met anyone else I'm willing to do that with. But then again, you're probably right, I'm just making excuses.

And that was really poor wording on my part. I'm not thinking casual sex is going to give me emotional connections. And I have that with a fair amount of friends now (although, this girl is one of those connections funnily enough). I've just found myself having a ridiculous amount of sexual... tension? is that the word? Anyway, the last like 2-3 weeks it's gotten really bad. I just need something. And that's not even the type of person I usually am, but lately it's like I don't even care about finding a relationship aside from her, I just want someone to sleep with. It's weird and kind of frustrating. I guess I'm looking for what you said - fun. Fun to distract me or release some of this tension or whatever. This is probably the worst way to go about all this, but I feel like it's the easiest thing to do right now.

You're in college. Casual sex is probably one of the easiest things to get. If all else fails, get Tinder.

Also, staying friends with that girl when you clearly still have feelings for her won't end well for you.
 
You're in college. Casual sex is probably one of the easiest things to get. If all else fails, get Tinder.

Also, staying friends with that girl when you clearly still have feelings for her won't end well for you.
I know. And she knows I have feelings for her. She just doesn't want a relationship right now because she just broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years the month I met her. We're one of each others' closest friends, and we both know where we stand, but neither of us really knows how to deal with the situation. I can't just bail on her or even really pull away much, but like you said, at some point I'm probably going to get hurt.
 
You should not be friends with this girl. You obviously want something more, and none of the things you're saying are healthy. Cut all ties.
That's literally impossible. I've probably done a poor job of representing the situation to show how close we live/are as friends/how often we're forced to interact, but this is one thing I cannot do, even if I wanted to, I'm sorry.

And what isn't healthy? The things I'm thinking, or the things I'm saying about my relationship with her?
 
That's literally impossible. I've probably done a poor job of representing the situation to show how close we live/are as friends/how often we're forced to interact, but this is one thing I cannot do, even if I wanted to, I'm sorry.

And what isn't healthy? The things I'm thinking, or the things I'm saying about my relationship with her?

None of it is healthy. Whatever, you do you. Another product of ignoring all advice, I guess.

Now you will waste years while you're in college, surrounded by eligible girls, pining away for one that isn't interested in you. You'll do it by convincing yourself that you're great friends, and hoping all the time that one day she'll decide to give you a chance.

I've been there. It sucks, and you'll regret it soon after.
 
None of it is healthy. Whatever, you do you. Another product of ignoring all advice, I guess.

Now you will waste years while you're in college, surrounded by eligible girls, pining away for one that isn't interested in you. You'll do it by convincing yourself that you're great friends, and hoping all the time that one day she'll decide to give you a chance.

I've been there. It sucks, and you'll regret it soon after.
I don't want to ignore your advice, and I want to say I'm sorry that I seem ungrateful by doing so. I really appreciate you and everyone else's advice over the last few months. Really, you guys are amazing, and thank you for putting up with my obnoxious bullshit.

I just really see no way to cut ties without hurting her, me, and almost my entire friend group. It'll create a ton of drama, I'll lose, no joke, almost all of my friends, and the next two years will be awkward as hell on this small campus.

I gave up hoping she'd give me a chance a while ago. Obviously I still want her to. There's nothing I'd like more than for her to get over whatever she's hung up on and give me a shot, but I also know that's not going to happen. So do I lose my friend(s) and get hurt, or do I keep them and probably still get hurt (though probably a little more)? It's easy to just tell me "bail", but when you spend as much time with her and people associated with her and have gotten to know them and get as close to them as I do/have, it's really hard. So basically whichever path I choose, shit's going to get fucked up.
 
Feeling kinda down, chatted with a girl for a few days, we seemed really in sync, were supposed to meet earlier tonight for a hook up basically. This gal seemed up for anything, just really chill. Ghosted me it seems, not like I'm a stranger to that happening, just kind of odd in the context of her reiterating multiple times how excited she was to meet.

I was to be her first meet from someone online, she'd just gotten out of a relationship and wanted to have some fun. I dunno going back over certain details of our convos she had a knack for repeating questions we'd gone over a day prior, kind of seemed slightly scripted in hindsight. What that could imply I have no idea, somebody trolling for attention, I dunno. A scam I would assume no, as all she had was my phone number and email. Could've been cold feet too what with her not having experience meeting anyone from online before.

If she did actually ghost me and it wasn't due to extenuating circumstances I think I might take a short break from the hunt, it's been a dry period and getting weary of nothing coming to fruition. Need to recharge my batteries and all that.
 
Just go out an meet other women. If this girl is a close friend to you then there's really no reason to sever all ties. But you really should not get hung up on the idea that she will eventually decide to have a relationship with you.
 
One of my best friends is my college crush who never reciprocated those feelings and one of my oldest friends is my first girlfriend. I really don't know how healthy it is, but you can definitly be friends with girls you've liked.

It's a really hard desicion to make tho, but in retrospective a good friend is not something easy to find, you really have to wonder if her friendship is what you cherish from the relationship or are you just waiting for a change of heart.
 
One of my best friends is my college crush who never reciprocated those feelings and one of my oldest friends is my first girlfriend. I really don't know how healthy it is, but you can definitly be friends with girls you've liked.

It's a really hard desicion to make tho, but in retrospective a good friend is not something easy to find, you really have to wonder if her friendship is what you cherish from the relationship or are you just waiting for a change of heart.
I think it's a little of both (which is dumb of me, I know, but I can't shake that last lingering atom of hope), though I know for a fact if she just straight up told me tomorrow "nothing will ever happen between us", I would still want to maintain the relationship I do have with her.

Just go out an meet other women. If this girl is a close friend to you then there's really no reason to sever all ties. But you really should not get hung up on the idea that she will eventually decide to have a relationship with you.
I'm going to try to the next couple weekends. My best friend is coming home and my roommate might go to some parties with me, so I may be able to meet some new people from around campus or something.
 
I think it's a little of both (which is dumb of me, I know, but I can't shake that last lingering atom of hope), though I know for a fact if she just straight up told me tomorrow "nothing will ever happen between us", I would still want to maintain the relationship I do have with her.

Then I think you're making the right choice. Just manage your expectations and keep your feelings in check.
 
It's still nothing more than exagerations and projections either way. Unless you think these people fill every moment of existance with shit they say in their profile you are also just projecting. If you wanna travel or get hobbies than simply get out more. But a bunch of social media shit does not mean anything. Its none descriptive of anyones life.

I have a picture in social media of me holding an olympic torch. Does that mean I was an.olympian? Of course not. Context is everything. You need to understand social media is all projections you should not buy into.

I'll simply get out more, all right.
 
I'm going to be a bit blunt.

You know when people say you should be direct and ask someone on a date early on, instead of going deeper and deeper into a complicated web where even severing ties (TO NOT KEEP BEING EXPOSED TO WHAT IS HURTING YOU RIGHT NOW) risk destroying ALL your friendships? This is lesson showing why.

Matty, you have oneitis. This special girl (who doesn't want you), you'd jump into a relationship with if she let you. But those hundreds of other single girls on campus? Nah, not worth it. Just use casual sex as a bandaid.
We're super close friends now

I really enjoy being around her, and she enjoys being around me
You're super close because you put yourself there. This didn't happen in a vacuum.

You like the false hope being around her gives you, and she likes the free attention you give her without having to invest into a relationship. Am I wrong?

I've just found myself having a ridiculous amount of sexual... tension?
Sexual frustration. You know, that feeling you get when the person you want but can't have is constantly shoved into your face because of a situation you put yourself in? Yeah, that one.

Sexual tension is when two people are really attracted to each other but haven't admitted it yet (and everyone else has noticed it). This is like the opposite of that, because she doesn't want you.
Just go out an meet other women.
Yeah, as Zackie said, 'you do you'. So, if uou do decide that this awful situation is the best thing for you to settle for for now, at least actually genuinely go meet other girls out there. Maybe some will even reciprocate the interest, which is way better than your current situation. This will also help you get over her.

Don't tell me you're too busy in college and too good for drama, but that's what you've been putting yourself into these past few months, and you're still in it anyway.
 
I think it's a little of both (which is dumb of me, I know, but I can't shake that last lingering atom of hope), though I know for a fact if she just straight up told me tomorrow "nothing will ever happen between us", I would still want to maintain the relationship I do have with her.
.

There are lots of genuinely cool people I met at university whose friendships I cherished and didnt wanna lose. And now 2 years outta school I talk to a fraction of them. If you aren't sticking around for purely platonic reasoms, you are wasting your damn time.

The hover game is the worst one. In a campus full of single 10/10s why hold hope for one not interested? Are you the guy thatt folds his pocket Kings because he wants the royal flush? Cauae that's stupid :/

Here is a challenge. For the next 2 weeks, just dont talk to her outside of class. Life will go on amazingly.
 
I did it. Australia and Germany. Would not recommend. Even if you can afford to visit each other every few months it is difficult to communicate frequently. Bummed me out seerely and had to call it quits.

I'm in another LDR currently but he's in Australia and I can see him within several hours of flying. It still sucks but it's much easier to manage seeing as we can afford to visit each other every month. Plus the timezone difference is 30 minutes lol.

Oh man. Seems the odds are stacked heavily against this working eh. I'll try to keep my head level about it. It isn't often I come across someone I can talk so freely with, though.
 
I just can't have nice things can I? I meet a cute (fat) girl who has my favorite body shape (pear) and a very cute face. She has her own place, own car, better job then me, everything is awesome. So then I'm like, what's wrong with her? So we start talking and she is SUPER BASIC. But I'm cool with that if that's the only problem. NOPE!
she just told me she has herpes
. Damn it. I'll still hang out with her, but I guess sex is off the table. Unless GAF has some safety tips (I know to use a condom).
 
man this thread is everywhere. Full circle can't even describe it anymore.

it's kind of like...

467205291_121717857e.jpg


.. yeah.

dating sucks. Sorry everyone.
 
Oral or genital?

I'll repost what I wrote for another GAFer:

If she takes treatment when she has a flareup and you avoid physical contact when she does, that should minimize your chances of getting it.

However, if you're paranoid about it, you should know that it will never be a 0% change of transmission (even with condoms), given possible asymptomatic viral shedding too.

But herpes is what it is. For some people, it's not a big deal, for others it is. Yeah, it's a STI, but a large percentage of the population has it, even kids (whoops, kid kissed someone, now s/he has it on the lips). I mean, you get a few crusty vesicles for a few days/week, and it'll be uncomfortable or might sting a bit, but they will go away (and treatment can help make it less severe and last shorter). As for frequency, it varies a long. Some people never get a flareup, some every few years, some every month.

There's technically a difference btw oral herpes (hsv-1) and genital (hsv-2) in terms of severity (2 is worse), but they really are interchangeable. Someone with cold sores could give the milder hsv-1 genital herpes to someone else via oral sex.

Herpes is not a death sentence, and you might even have already been exposed to it if you've ever kissed anyone (or even a family member as a kid). If you stay with someone who has herpes, there's a chance you get it. Maybe, maybe not. But you run that risk if youbget sexually involved with anyone, it'll never be 0%.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom