Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Miles Quaritch
Member
I'm not following her logic at all.
Llyranor pretty much nailed it, I think there's something else at play here and she's using the dinner group as a way to get it out there. Maybe she's not feeling the relationship any more? Maybe she met someone else? Who knows, I think you should probably talk to her about what's really wrong, because it's not the dinner group based on that text.
Yeah, I don't want to say it's all her fault or anything. I get things might be difficult, but at the same time I feel like she's not looking at things from a different perspective. And just that whole thing where we spent like an hour or so alone and then she suddenly had plans with her friends where i'm not invited - really sucked and made me feel uncared for. From what she explained, it was a going away party and I didn't know them so i'm understanding, but at the same time it's like why is that far more important after we'd made plans. It was the first day alone we'd really had in weeks.
That's what I thought as well. Seems like there's something more bothering her and she's having trouble talking about it. Deflecting problems.
JustHadToJoin
Member
Day time first date.. He feeling is so strange. Drinks at a bar is so basic but it's easy, and it works. But it's at night. what's the equivalent for a day time date?
stn
Member
Honestly, she could just be jealous enough to want out of the relationship. I wouldn't put it past people, they go crazy when ego comes into play. Either way, someone who doesn't let you have any alone time is not worth the effort.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
ZackieChan
Member
Alright, I was wrong. She sounds nuts.
Meet up at a cafe for a coffee/tea so you can talk. Easy escape, too, if you don't like her.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yup. Tread carefully, but it feels like something that needs to be talked about and not left to fester with growing resentment on her side.
I mean, I guess that's possible but to break up a relationship because he has his own thing and her ego can't handle it? That seems crazy to me. To throw away two years over it too...good grief.
Juice bar. They are literally everywhere now and it's a nice change of pace from a coffee.
I've encountered plenty of people like that, both in my relationships and through friends/family. I think it comes down to lack of self esteem or other issues (dad left as a kid, past partners cheated, etc) manifesting itself in extreme jealousy and/or clinginess - ie, if you're not doing something with me, you don't love me/are cheating/want to leave/etc. The sort of behavior where they're texting/calling constantly while you're at work "just to check up on you and say hi". Go forbid you actually go out for a beer with your coworkers afterwards.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Guess I've been lucky to have avoided this. Sounds like torture. I can't imagine constantly having to check my phone for messages or seeing 10+ messages at the end of the day.
Ugh,
Long post ahead, just wanna vent.
So about a year ago I got dumped by this girl, while it lasted (7 months or so) it was amazing and we both thought we were gonna get married. Then she dumped me, pretty much out of the blue.
After that we kept in contact for a month - her hoping we could be friends and me hoping we could get back together. Became clear that wasn't going to work, so we cut contact. Since then we haven't spoken. On Christmas I texted her (first contact in 8 months or so) to say merry Christmas, and we texted for half an hour or so, just surface stuff, "how are you" "having a nice time with family" etc. But aside from that, no contact since we broke up.
All this time I have not been able to go one day without thinking about her. I have not felt happy once since then - well, I haven't really felt anything since then. Neutrality is the most I have been able to achieve. I've dated other people. I've slept with other people. Felt nothing, just obligation, and wishing I was with my ex instead. She's still in my dreams, in which I am usually forced to meet her other lovers. There is the constant "maybe I should text her and see if she wants to meet" in the back of my mind, but I know better than to go that route, so I have suppressed it. The very best that I can do for myself is to be alone and have no hopes, that way I can maintain a neutral state of being and be productive in my career.
Today, out of the blue, for seemingly no reason, she like one of my Facebook posts from July. We're no facebook friends but my profile is public. I post around 3 times per week so she would have had to look through my timeline a bit to get all the way back to July. It was a completely meaningless post too - something about subscribing to Apple Music I think.
When I saw her name and profile picture pop up in my notifications - my heart simultaneously leapt and sunk at once. I have butterflies in my stomach for the last hour. This is the first time I have felt anything in 6 months. Don't know what to do right now. Part of me wants to reach out of her, even though I know that's asking for disaster.
I'm wondering if I should get therapy maybe. It's ridiculous that it's been this long and I am still so affected by her. I miss her so much, which makes me so eager to latch onto any little glimmer of contact, even just a facebook like.
So about a year ago I got dumped by this girl, while it lasted (7 months or so) it was amazing and we both thought we were gonna get married. Then she dumped me, pretty much out of the blue.
After that we kept in contact for a month - her hoping we could be friends and me hoping we could get back together. Became clear that wasn't going to work, so we cut contact. Since then we haven't spoken. On Christmas I texted her (first contact in 8 months or so) to say merry Christmas, and we texted for half an hour or so, just surface stuff, "how are you" "having a nice time with family" etc. But aside from that, no contact since we broke up.
All this time I have not been able to go one day without thinking about her. I have not felt happy once since then - well, I haven't really felt anything since then. Neutrality is the most I have been able to achieve. I've dated other people. I've slept with other people. Felt nothing, just obligation, and wishing I was with my ex instead. She's still in my dreams, in which I am usually forced to meet her other lovers. There is the constant "maybe I should text her and see if she wants to meet" in the back of my mind, but I know better than to go that route, so I have suppressed it. The very best that I can do for myself is to be alone and have no hopes, that way I can maintain a neutral state of being and be productive in my career.
Today, out of the blue, for seemingly no reason, she like one of my Facebook posts from July. We're no facebook friends but my profile is public. I post around 3 times per week so she would have had to look through my timeline a bit to get all the way back to July. It was a completely meaningless post too - something about subscribing to Apple Music I think.
When I saw her name and profile picture pop up in my notifications - my heart simultaneously leapt and sunk at once. I have butterflies in my stomach for the last hour. This is the first time I have felt anything in 6 months. Don't know what to do right now. Part of me wants to reach out of her, even though I know that's asking for disaster.
I'm wondering if I should get therapy maybe. It's ridiculous that it's been this long and I am still so affected by her. I miss her so much, which makes me so eager to latch onto any little glimmer of contact, even just a facebook like.
User 479360
Banned
I'm so jealous of people who have no problem with this stuff and have their lives in order.
From the outside, it always seems like my friends have no problem finding people, entering great relationships, etc.
From the outside, it always seems like my friends have no problem finding people, entering great relationships, etc.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Serv, I personally wouldn't reach out. It's just a facebook like and nothing else. It's over, never forget that. She dumped you and moved on, if she's doing anything right now it's fishing for attention, to see how you'll respond.
I do think therapy might be in order, that you're still thinking about her and letting her affect you the way she does after so long means there's might be something deeper that you need to work through.
I do think therapy might be in order, that you're still thinking about her and letting her affect you the way she does after so long means there's might be something deeper that you need to work through.
Miles Quaritch
Member
It's never easy, it takes lots of work and compromise to build a good and happy relationship. You don't see the arguments, the lows, etc because people don't tend to bring those part of the relationship out in public.
You're only really seeing one side of the relationship. Don't believe for a second they just fell into that happy relationship and it's all sunshine and roses.
Psychoward
Banned
A girl who I knew from high school said she thought I was attractive and really nice right before I left and said she was annoyed we never got a chance to date. Well I'm back in contact with her now after not talking for months and she suggested we hang out Saturday. Is there any smooth way I can ask/find out what she actually wants from this or something along those lines?
When I asked what she wanted to do she said you decide, I said okay and then said "I gotchu
"
Meh, might as well go anyway, I've got nothing better to do. Just dunno where to take her to make it seem like a date but not too date-like.
When I asked what she wanted to do she said you decide, I said okay and then said "I gotchu
"Meh, might as well go anyway, I've got nothing better to do. Just dunno where to take her to make it seem like a date but not too date-like.
Miles Quaritch
Member
A girl who I knew from high school said she thought I was attractive and really nice right before I left and said she was annoyed we never got a chance to date. Well I'm back in contact with her now after not talking for months and she suggested we hang out Saturday. Is there any smooth way I can ask/find out what she actually wants from this or something along those lines?
When I asked what she wanted to do she said you decide, I said okay and then said "I gotchu
Meh, might as well go anyway, I've got nothing better to do. Just dunno where to take her to make it seem like a date but not too date-like.
Try something simple. A coffee/juice and if it goes well, move somewhere else. Maybe a local attraction, depends where you are.
Psychoward
Banned
The fucking suburbs ugh. Former is no issue though, there's Starbucks galore. Problem is I did go on a sort of double date with her once years ago and it was at Starbucks.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yeah, maybe avoid starbucks. Any independent coffer shops nearby? Those have sofas sometimes, allowing you get up close and personal and test the waters to see how interested she is. They also aren't as busy as starbucks, so that's a bonus.
Are there any natural beauty spots you could visit and maybe stroll around? Maybe find a nice spot and watch the sunset together?
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Delete her number. Completely remove the temptation to "reach out to her". I think there's a way to block someone on FB even if your profile is public? Do that, or make your profile "friends only".
I agree about therapy.
stn
Member
Your reaction is quite normal, its certainly not ridiculous. But you absolutely should not entertain the idea of reaching out to her. If she actually wanted something of substance, she'd message you directly and avoid the cat-and-mouse chase she has initiated. All she's going to think if you message her is This guy is so obsessed with me that he notices every little thing I do. He can't get over me, I can control him.
Just... move on.
Thanks for the brutal honest truth there buddy. Appreciate it. As of yet, there is no update on the situation with my friend as he is still away and won't be back until Easter. I will just have to wait and see what his reaction is and whether or not he would still hold a grudge.
So I had something sort of similar in the past. Without getting into all the details.. I kept in contact with my ex. Every now and then we'd talk a little bit. At some point we started dating again, but in the end it didn't work out and I broke it off. We're still good friends and we've had feelings come up a few times. We're both dating other people and we respect each other, and I feel like we'd have each other's back far down the road still.
It'll suck for awhile. Honestly, you need to get over things and start seeing other people. Maybe you'll learn something and still be able to be friends eventually.
Pasta_Soup
Member
How were you before you started dating her? Were you happy? Is all of this lack of emotion a purely new thing for you since you broke up?
Just some things to think about in regards to this situation.
I've got another problem rearing it's ugly head in my life again.
My ex just can't let me go. I'm done with her, and I've been this way for a while now (3 years, and it started 5 years ago). I've tried basically everything. A conversation in which I explained it all and she agreed. I've ignored her, I've yelled at her, I've even had another girlfriend, but she just doesn't seem to get it... We have a lot of mutual friends. Can't really do much about that.
She has been an obstacle with other girls several times. I'm at the end of my wits. What can I do, GAF, to get rid of her. She's driving me totally insane.
My ex just can't let me go. I'm done with her, and I've been this way for a while now (3 years, and it started 5 years ago). I've tried basically everything. A conversation in which I explained it all and she agreed. I've ignored her, I've yelled at her, I've even had another girlfriend, but she just doesn't seem to get it... We have a lot of mutual friends. Can't really do much about that.
She has been an obstacle with other girls several times. I'm at the end of my wits. What can I do, GAF, to get rid of her. She's driving me totally insane.
Krauser Kat
Member
and its over. Kind of the first i have been dumped not bad for 29. Still the coolest person i have ever dated. For once i dont feel like jumping back into the fray for a little bit. Weird apathetic feeling about all of this.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yup. Pretty much all you can at this point. She'll get the message eventually and if she doesn't, consider a restraining order.
Don't leave it too long.
(I can't provide much context, but I've posted a bit a few pages back.)
Found it: http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=196417229
There's more that happened as well, but I can't find that post.
I can't tell if I'm being ghosted or not.
I'm giving benefit of the doubt as of right now, but if I'm wrong, then I'm going to cut it off. She doesn't seem like the person that constantly texts, so that's why I'm giving space. Also, Facebook being the data miner that it is, it showed me her Facebook page when seeing people you may know. Curiously, I clicked on her profile and it said that she hasn't been active on her page for a few weeks, so I'm guessing she's not too active on social media.
Insult to injury, she wasn't even at class. Considering we have a long weekend, I was going to ask her out to a car show in my part of town since we aren't going to see each other for about a week. She also mentioned getting together to do some things outdoors.
No big deal, but it cements my hatred for text messaging. It provides uncertainty.
I never see her on her phone during class. I've only seen her texting a couple of times.
It's either she got cold feet, or she's busy. She does have a job.
I'll talk to her the next time I see her. If she really isn't interested, I'll be pretty damn confused.
What do you all think? Maybe she got cold feet? I mean, if so, oh well.
Found it: http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=196417229
There's more that happened as well, but I can't find that post.
I can't tell if I'm being ghosted or not.
I'm giving benefit of the doubt as of right now, but if I'm wrong, then I'm going to cut it off. She doesn't seem like the person that constantly texts, so that's why I'm giving space. Also, Facebook being the data miner that it is, it showed me her Facebook page when seeing people you may know. Curiously, I clicked on her profile and it said that she hasn't been active on her page for a few weeks, so I'm guessing she's not too active on social media.
Insult to injury, she wasn't even at class. Considering we have a long weekend, I was going to ask her out to a car show in my part of town since we aren't going to see each other for about a week. She also mentioned getting together to do some things outdoors.
No big deal, but it cements my hatred for text messaging. It provides uncertainty.
I never see her on her phone during class. I've only seen her texting a couple of times.
It's either she got cold feet, or she's busy. She does have a job.
I'll talk to her the next time I see her. If she really isn't interested, I'll be pretty damn confused.
What do you all think? Maybe she got cold feet? I mean, if so, oh well.
I did! So many fucking times. But she comes on over anyways. "I won't let you decide what I can or can't do!" Then she shows up anyways. I'll try it once again and I'll talk to my friends about it once again.
Restraining order seems a bit much, no?
She messed me up so bad. She's the reason I get anxiety if I have to say no to a girl. The things she did after I broke off al contact are just sickening.
Hang in there, man!
Krauser Kat
Member
Yeah. I think ill just take a week or two off and then maybe hit up some people i saw before i got into this thing in early jan.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Not at all. This can't really continue and she's not getting the message. You need thjnk about your well-being first and foremost.
If she doesn't stop, your health will continue to suffer, unless you need to take drastic action.
Good man. A short break is always good, but you have be careful it doesn't turn into a long, drawn out thing.
ZackieChan
Member
If you have to ask, then you're being ghosted. Act accordingly (find other people). Find people who are excited to be with you and don't make you question whether or not they like you. Even if you find out that you're not being ghosted, maybe you should rethink your relationship with this girl.
Don't let her nonsense keep you from a great job. Laugh it off and move on. Remember - SHE missed out on dating YOU. If you think of it the other way, you'll be living in embarrassment. Rather, you're now a lawyer at the firm where she works - she should be fucking jealous and wish that you'd date her.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Zach bringing that heat. Well said.
stn
Member
Oh, honestly, its not even that. Randomly stumbling upon her profile on the firm's page just reminded me how hot she is, lol.
Sounds reasonable. I'll keep doing my own thing for the meantime, but I'm not sure if I want to throw the whole thing out of the window at the moment. I'm looking from the standpoint that she missed class the other day as well. She could be going through some stuff.
I'm not going to let it worry me, but talking to another friend, she mentioned that it sounds like she's sending mixed signals with the way she's behaving. There could be the possibility of her not being experienced with relationships.
Anyways, that's what I'm taking away from this.
If anyone else wants to weigh in on this, please, do so. I'll be listening.
Are you okay with that kind of harassment, then? You don't need to receive death threats before getting the restraining order. Document all the crap she pulls on you.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Do other things, see other people. Don't wait for her but if she comes and is interested in seeing you, then see where it goes.
This girl that I was kinda seeing on and off for the past three weeks found another dude. The whole thing was doomed from the start and it was obvious it wasn't going anywhere, but I still feel bad. I had a couple of dates with other girls the past week and I couldn't stop thinking about this girl. Oh well, at least now I can finally move on, which I should have done two weeks ago. Infatuation fucking sucks.
Your friends are being complicit in tolerating her behavior and if they're not sticking up for you and asking Ms X to leave when she pops by unannounced/uninvited, they're not really being good friends to you.
So you need to leave and let your friends know exactly why. Don't make a big scene about it though. Just say something like "Ms X, I 've told you I don't want to see you anymore. If you can't respect that, I will have to leave." Your ex probably craves/creates drama and would again interpret a big argument as "he still has feelings for me".
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
So I was at a Best Buy upgrading my phone and was going through the motions of buying one with this pretty cute salesperson and just started talking to pass the time. We go to the same school we found out and yadda yadda yadda. So she whips out the new phone to see if it works and one of the things she did was called her own phone. Not a work phone, but her own. She said don't worry I won't be calling you. I guess that remark speaks for itself but.....ya know.
Shuggananas
Banned
text her, nothing to lose
stn
Member
Orrrrrrrrrr, she just said that to make it seem like she's not interested when she really is? Just call her.
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
ZackieChan
Member
The proper response is "sure, but can I call YOU?"
Yeah, this is what I was getting at. Don't wait on her. There are a ton of women out there. And get a new watch.
Hmm. Feel free to pm me the law firm website. Maybe I want to apply for a job?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Hey, it's Duncan...the guy from the store. Wanna grab a bite to eat?
Simple. It doesn't have to be complicated. You've dropped your name, where you met and asked her out in less than 20 words.
Exactly man. I'll talk to them over the weekend! They're the best friends you can imagine and I'm pretty sure they'll support me. They are sick of her shit as well.
Thanks everybody.
Miles Quaritch
Member
And if that fails, take further action. You do not have to put with her behaviour. Don't ever forget that. She's the one with the problem and it's not your job to help her through it or to put up with it.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Fuck you.
Seriously, any girl worth dating won't care that you're letting your mother live with you. I'm sure your mom would have no problem staying out of your way while you smang.
What's your degree in? Any way you can do some freelance work in the meantime while you look for a job? Then you're not unemployed, you don't have to lie about what you do, and you may avoid retail. There's tons of remote freelance work out there on the internet if you can market yourself or successfully bid on upwork jobs.
I did a science degree (Biology), don't think you can freelance with something like that. Learning some Python programming right now actually. Web design/development is interesting me right now, just don't know if I'm capable of actually doing it or not. Either way, given up on meeting anyone in the next 6 months, I really regret not dating because of no self confidence when I was surrounded by hundreds of single girls every day. Now I have no such luxury, but I plan on returning to education anyway so a renewed social/dating life is a huge bonus from doing that (and hopefully make me more employable too, but as I've learned there's no guarantee of that even panning out).
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