"Too busy" is usually a BS excuse unless they're a doctor, cop, paramedic, etc who is working insane hours. If people like you, they will make time for you. She seems flaky and/or trying to be nice about not wanting to see you anymore. If giving her a bouquet of roses didn't even get a hug or kiss, just a "thanks so much and to have a nice week" text, that's kind of a bad sign there also.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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"Too busy" is usually a BS excuse unless they're a doctor, cop, paramedic, etc who is working insane hours. If people like you, they will make time for you. She seems flaky and/or trying to be nice about not wanting to see you anymore. If giving her a bouquet of roses didn't even get a hug or kiss, just a "thanks so much and to have a nice week" text, that's kind of a bad sign there also.
Miles Quaritch
Member
It's great reading through this thread. Just looking for a little insight as I've been thrown back into the dating game as of late and have since been dating a couple girls - with the most recent one I'm afraid I'm falling for.
Had two dates with her, both went pretty well. First I bought her dinner, second she treated me to coffee and we walked a bit around the city. On the way back to the subway, I bought her a bouquet of pink roses on a whim. She was floored and exclaimed she didn't know how to react since no one's ever done that for her. We've both been texting in between but admittedly shy with no physical contact yet.
Next morning I get a text basically saying thanks so much and to have a nice week. A little thrown as there's no reference to interest in seeing eachother again, I text back asking her out to dinner later in the week hoping to cement things a bit more. I get a response the next day stating how she's been really busy at work this week and has to stay late every night. It's rather lengthy and explanation very specific. She asks what about next week, but then goes on to confusingly say every weeknight is booked with her classes after work...but then...ends the text by saying 'but i'm sure we can figure something out'!
Am I overthinking this as being a twisted way to get out of a third date? The last sentence gives me hope, but...there's a part of me that's not sure.
Damn. You bought roses already?
She's not interested. I suspect it's the roses that pushed her away. You don't buy a date flowers, especially roses on the second date. Maybe like one rose, buy a bouquet?
Goodness. This ties back to what was being discussed a few pages back. She's thinking you're angling for something with the roses and is now distancing herself from you.
I have to be realistic about it, you're right. Its hard and a weirder situation than it seems.
I think if she doesn't reach out I should probably not either. Like she hasn't and neither of us are big texters.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You like her, ask her out. It's tough, I know. We've all been there, but you won't get anywhere with how you're handling things.
Although you're saying that you think she's annoyed based on her replies. Can you give some examples of these annoyed replies?
Miles Quaritch
Member
If she's interested, she'll make the move to text. Not being a big texter isn't a barrier to reaching out. She can call if she wants to. The main thing is you made your intentions clear and she made her feelings clear in response to those intentions.
If there's more to the story that you don't feel comfortable sharing, that's fine, but based on what you've shared, she's not interested in having a physical relationship whereas that's something what you want.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Met an insanely great girl on POF. Scheduling a date now 
Miles Quaritch
Member
Met an insanely great girl on POF. Scheduling a date now
Good stuff Banj. Keep us updated.
Well we have done stuff physically and sexually although not the deed itself which is unusual for me to wait this long...
Her view was that she's not available to it at all right now. Like she just doesn't 'feel it' even though she's attracted to me. It's not a chemistry issue she said but more of a mental place she's in.
I respect it either way but my disappointment is that I was liking her. Sure she was cute and all but personality wise we were pretty in sync. That's where she seemed to be struggling to let go from.
I don't know. Thank you though.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Huh. Okay, that changes things somewhat. Has she shared the reasons why she doesn't feel mentally ready to take the final step? No need to share them here, just wondering if you know or not.
If you don't, have you tried talking about with her? How engaged is she when you do engage in some basic physical stuff? Is she really into it or does it feel like she's just pushing herself to do it?
ZackieChan
Member
In what world would NOT talking to her be the right move? Talk to her and ask her out. You may get rejected, but you'll know the answer and can move on to the next girl.
Mastermind Vade
Banned
"and..." and stuff like "yea well..." her replies tend to be short so I feel disconnected from her... Asking her out has been on my mind for a while now I'll do that thanks guy!
Mastermind Vade
Banned
Will do, thanks for the advice man and yeah after thinking about it not talking to her is a poor decision no matter the circumstance huh....
Miles Quaritch
Member
I think you're reading too much into her replies. Maybe you're just not saying enough to evoke a proper response? I don't mean that in a negative way, just maybe your shyness is getting in the way of how you engage with her so she doesn't have much to work with when you talk to her.
Mastermind Vade
Banned
hmm ok I see... Maybe you're right but you think saying too much would kind of annoy her? Or am I overthinking it?
Miles Quaritch
Member
You're overthinking. Just talk to her and find out what she's interested in. See if you have anything in common and take it from there.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
My online dating profile consists of 1 shitty gym selfie and 1 picture of me playing paintball. Don't know if the paintball one makes me seem like a crazy gun nut or something, which may well be putting people off. Stopped swiping/messaging for now since I don't want my ego bruised.
Miles Quaritch
Member
It's the gym selfie. Most likely.
Mastermind Vade
Banned
She says she's unavailable to it. Like because she knows she's leaving that she doesn't want to engage in any behaviors like that. That would draw her in... I think with her distance I became less integrated and we fed off each other.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
I know you've been preaching about good profiles but mine there is a silly sentence, and I couldn't tell you how many girls have messaged me in response to it. Good way to break ice and talk about actual things too haha.
So I've deviated from your teachings but it seems to be working
Yeah...was suspicious of such. She's busy to begin with doing 3 nights a week for dancing and language classes...and I travel quite a bit for work... but point taken...after all, I would make time for another date if asked. I did get a hug before we parted and when I told her I hoped to meet again - she responded with 'just text me when you're around.' I was hoping the whole 'I'm sure we can figure it out' was a genuine sign of confidence, and not a way of her being vague and putting it off until the point of dropping off. If it's the latter, than I'm better off without her anyway.
The thought behind the flowers was to send a signal that I didn't want to just be a friend and show her I was in to her - since all we did on the second date otherwise was talk over coffee / walk around. The immediate feedback I got I thought was good, as she said she usually buys herself flowers every week and now she didn't have to, and that no one's ever done that for her before...ah well, now I'm second guessing.
I'm assuming at this point its best I pull back and see if she even continues to stay in touch let alone agree to a third date?
Lone_Prodigy
Member
If her last text was "I'm sure we can figure it out", then reply with "sure, let me know" and move on. If she doesn't get back to you within a few days, then you have your answer.
My original post.
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=196745507
On Monday we were talking after class mostly about how busy this week/weekend are going to be since we have so many projects due next week. At the end I finally asked her to go out for dinner on Friday. (I'm an idiot first of all, I really don't have the extra time this week for a date, but I asked anyway.) Her response was "Remember, we have a ton of homework this weekend?" She thanked me for the invitation, and she asked how people say goodbye in the US. (She's from Central America originally, but speaks English pretty much perfectly.) I thought she meant the word, so I answered "See ya?", but I think she meant hug or handshake, because then she shook my hand and said See Ya!
Next couple days in class she talked to me a lot less than usual, but I noticed her looking over at me a number of times. Things seem a little weird.
Should I just move on, or try to ask her again for a date for next weekend since its the start of spring break and we'll both be free (from homework at least)?
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=196745507
On Monday we were talking after class mostly about how busy this week/weekend are going to be since we have so many projects due next week. At the end I finally asked her to go out for dinner on Friday. (I'm an idiot first of all, I really don't have the extra time this week for a date, but I asked anyway.) Her response was "Remember, we have a ton of homework this weekend?" She thanked me for the invitation, and she asked how people say goodbye in the US. (She's from Central America originally, but speaks English pretty much perfectly.) I thought she meant the word, so I answered "See ya?", but I think she meant hug or handshake, because then she shook my hand and said See Ya!
Next couple days in class she talked to me a lot less than usual, but I noticed her looking over at me a number of times. Things seem a little weird.
Should I just move on, or try to ask her again for a date for next weekend since its the start of spring break and we'll both be free (from homework at least)?
n64coder
Member
Sure, ask one more time and if it's not a yes, then move on.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Try again, it can't hurt but don't get hung up on this. While you're waiting, explore other opportunities.
ZackieChan
Member
This is key to almost all of the questions in this thread.
I know you've been preaching about good profiles but mine there is a silly sentence, and I couldn't tell you how many girls have messaged me in response to it. Good way to break ice and talk about actual things too haha.
So I've deviated from your teachings but it seems to be working
This about what you put in the "about you" box below your Tinder pictures?
If so, I haven't got the faintest idea what to put there. I leave it blank. Any tips, Don GUAF?
PflargBlarg
Member
I don't know how she feels
There's a surefire way to find out how someone feels.
You ask them out. It's that simple.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
So this girl I've been seeing, I'm thinking it's starting to cool off, can't put my finger on it. We usually see each 2x a week, seeing her tonight and Sunday so that's not the issue. Maybe the texting frequency dropped a lot this week. I don't bombarded her with texts, I'm just letting it play out. Guess I'll know for sure tonight
Friend said I'm over thinking it, maybe I am
Friend said I'm over thinking it, maybe I am
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Last I saw her was Saturday, which doesn't bother me but we were texting a lot more frequently before that day
There's not really many people from around here on Okcupid. At any given moment, there are never more than 20 people online at once, even though my search filters aren't particularly narrow. Ignoring those users with a low match rate and those I am obviously totally incompatible with (based on their profile), there aren't many left.
When I used OkCupid at my parent's place, it was an absolute dead zone. You'd be better off just going out and socializing.
Go for it. Ask her out for an activity or a lunch date.
If she doesn't respond well, or doesn't respond at all, just move on.
I don't live in the US, so I expected a lower user count, of course. But still, it's way lower than I thought, considering I live in the capital of my country.
Ah, yeah, there are tons of apps/sites that were made with the U.S and other major countries in mind.
Your best bet would be going out if you can.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Maybe don't trust the sites algorithm to make that decision for you and actually decide for yourself.
You're potentially leaving lots of really interesting people on the table with this approach.
What are you basing your incompatibilities off of?
So I was supposed to meet up with the Asian chick last Monday, but was stuck out of town so had to cancel. She seemed okay with it and we decided to reschedule.
She's kinda weird though. She only seems to look at OKC like only once a day, so it's a bit hard to communicate with her. And her responses make it hard to gauge how interested she is. Sometimes she'll provide a well thought out message, but other times it'll be a one word reply. We're supposed to meet some time next week though.
She's kinda weird though. She only seems to look at OKC like only once a day, so it's a bit hard to communicate with her. And her responses make it hard to gauge how interested she is. Sometimes she'll provide a well thought out message, but other times it'll be a one word reply. We're supposed to meet some time next week though.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Why haven't you asked for her number or contact details off the site?
Well, I would have, but like I said it's kinda hard to gauge how interested she is. I've had instances where girls stopped responding the moment I asked them for their numbers.
ZackieChan
Member
It's almost too obvious. Sometimes I weep for this generation of NeoGaffers.
Edit: HOLY SHIT, just ask her. If she stops responding to you when you ask to contact her in real life, she DOESN'T WANT TO MEET YOU. You MUST understand this. If she WANTED to meet you, she would be okay with contacting you and, ya know, MEETING YOU. If she flakes or ghosts, then she's not interested and she's stringing you along. This isn't nearly as complicated as you make it out to be.
Miles Quaritch
Member
And that's why you ask for the number. If she doesn't give it to you or stop responding, onto the next person. This is just dragging things out. Ask her next time, if she stops responding, you've got your answer about how interested she is and saved yourself some needless hassle.
Indeed. Set up a date but don't get the digits or some kind of way to contact her off site?
.....
I wasn't going for being as blunt, but yeah. THIS.THIS.THIS. This all day, every day.
Well, technically we would still have a way to contact each other even without numbers, as with OKC. That's how I did it with my last ex, and that relationship was pretty awesome.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Not an excuse. Make sure to ask for the number in future. I mean, you've set up this date, how can you be sure she'll even show if you can't contact her off the site?
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
There's this girl that's super into me, she's my bestfriend's girlfriend's bestfriend. She's around all the time because of that. We've been talking for like two months, and I can't do it. I'm not really feeling it. I'm not very good at telling people I don't like them. How could I go about breaking this off without hurting her feelings too much, and keep the friend group kosher? Is there a simple method you guys use to go about this? I'm not experienced in doing this part, because last year I was 70 lbs heavier and couldn't get a girl to save my life. 😂
Miles Quaritch
Member
I think you're a cool person, but I'm not interested in you in that way.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
It's a lot easier to delete your OKC profile than it is to delete your phone number.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Miles Quaritch
Member
It's almost as if blocking numbers wasn't a thing.
And it doesn't have to be a number, could be KiK, snapchat, Skype, a burner email address. The point is to try and gauge interest by asking for off site contact info. If the person is receptive, you can be happy you're not being strung along and having someone waste your time.
It almost always is.
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