Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Don't give a time. Give two different days, spread them out to when you're free, so maybe a night during the week and one during the weekend. If she's unavailable for both, move on.

No-one is that busy. No-one.

i asked her yesterday and wants to go out tomorrow night. She even suggested a place we could go.

Is that weird?
 
I posted in the "Online Dating" thread also...wasnt sure if and which one I should use..

I mean, we met on Match...which is online...but we've been together 6 months now...but it seems everyone in this thread is in the midst of finding a partner while I'm seeking dating advice from what I guess is considered "long term"?

I'm kind of at a loss on how this dating stuff works and I feel like Ive awakened from a sleep.
I'm 36, divorced, 1 kid and spent the last 16 years out of "the game"
My GF is 30, never married, no kids, and spent every minute since she was 18 have one hell of a life...

Its a weird place to be
 
Just remember that she will be as nervous as you are.

One thing about the girl I'm seeing: on our first date, she told me how she was out late last night and was worried that she would be too tired and boring today. I reassured her that was not the case, and at the same time I started to calm down myself, knowing that we were in the same boat.

This is super important advice. Once I realized this first dates became super fun and you'll act better/more natural
 
i asked her yesterday and wants to go out tomorrow night. She even suggested a place we could go.

Is that weird?

No, man. You should go.

Yup, yup.

yeah I am looking forward to it, she is 5 years older than me, and from the limited experience I have with women younger than me I had to do everything. So it might be an age thing

It's definitely an age thing. Time comes to pay, don't make a big deal out of it, just offer to pay half and if she insists, let her grab the bill. There's nothing more off putting than someone who makes a big deal out of paying.

Good luck and have fun. You'll do great.
 
I posted in the "Online Dating" thread also...wasnt sure if and which one I should use..

I mean, we met on Match...which is online...but we've been together 6 months now...but it seems everyone in this thread is in the midst of finding a partner while I'm seeking dating advice from what I guess is considered "long term"?

I'm kind of at a loss on how this dating stuff works and I feel like Ive awakened from a sleep.
I'm 36, divorced, 1 kid and spent the last 16 years out of "the game"
My GF is 30, never married, no kids, and spent every minute since she was 18 have one hell of a life...

Its a weird place to be

Honestly, it may not seem like it initially, but the online dating thread is better for offering advice to people in relationships, probably because it's less frequented and doesn't have "basic" questions, since this thread has been pulling double duty for a while. I'm right there with you though, in some respects--met someone online and we've been seeing each other since after New Years.
 
Wondering what you guys saw as a healthy amount of time to spend with someone your dating?
We live about an hour apart and I worked from home pretty much since we've been together so this was never an issue.
Starting a new job that requires me to be in the office everyday, sometimes on a 7 on 4 off schedule..
I'm thinking I may have to see her once a week for dinner/hangout for a few hours and give her Fri/Sat/Sun when I can.

She wont come out to my place. Says shes scared of driving so far and such. Plus I have my kid some days or he swings by (Hes a teenager) and she says for her to drive that far she has to sleep over and says she will never sleep at my house with the chance my son could be there. She says since his mother lived here once it would be to odd and she wont stay over to I have a new house and bed.

We have this weird dynamic which I'm not sure is good or bad...when I ask if she wants to do something she says its up to me, when I ask what days are good for her she says its up too me...when I ask ANYTHING..she says its up too me.
She calls this "I'm driving the bus in this relationship"...it is kinda frustrating, makes you feel like your the needy one I guess...or maybe I'm over-analyzing it.
She says she has no life, no schedule, no kid like I do...she says she just works and sits at home.

I thought this dating thing would be a lot easier but I seemed to have fallen in love with a girl who's incredibly neurotic.
 
Man fuck having to be the only one to do the driving. That would drive me nuts with an Hr distance.

Tell me about it.

I live in the woods tho, have a bunch of dogs, a teenager whos over all the time long enough to leave his clothes everywhere lol
She has a nice 3 story condo in the city and a cat.

Its like I cross over into a new world a few days a week. I'm crossing bridges and fighting for parking mutiple days a week. (I'm actually in another state)
 
She wont come out to my place. Says shes scared of driving so far and such. Plus I have my kid some days or he swings by (Hes a teenager) and she says for her to drive that far she has to sleep over and says she will never sleep at my house with the chance my son could be there. She says since his mother lived here once it would be to odd and she wont stay over to I have a new house and bed.

She is being immature and totally unreasonable. If she doesn't budge on this, dump her. She's a needy self centered narcissistic flake. She can't be in the same bed another woman was in, so she expects you to buy a new house? Fucking REALLY?

We have this weird dynamic which I'm not sure is good or bad

C'mon dude, this is BAD in every sense of the word. She's living in la-la land and it's time for her to grow up. She won't even be around your son. If that isn't a huge red flag to you, I don't know what else to tell you.
 
Basically my stance. Nope. Never happening.

I know, I know...shes neurotic.

She once was car jacked, so maybe thats it. She also has afear of parking garages and keeps her eyes closed and has cried till we park.
 
She wont come out to my place. Says shes scared of driving so far and such. Plus I have my kid some days or he swings by (Hes a teenager) and she says for her to drive that far she has to sleep over and says she will never sleep at my house with the chance my son could be there. She says since his mother lived here once it would be to odd and she wont stay over to I have a new house and bed.

She won't come over until you have a new house and bed? That's a lot to ask. Wanting a new mattress set, sure. Bedframe, maybe. New house? That's a step that should be reserved for when you move in together, not just so she can visit.

Answer, without dwelling too much - what do you want out of this relationship?
 
She is being immature and totally unreasonable. If she doesn't budge on this, dump her. She's a needy self centered narcissistic flake. She can't be in the same bed another woman was in, so she expects you to buy a new house? Fucking REALLY?



C'mon dude, this is BAD in every sense of the word. She's living in la-la land and it's time for her to grow up. She won't even be around your son. If that isn't a huge red flag to you, I don't know what else to tell you.

Someone else said the same thing...

They said I'm an empathetic person which means I attract narcissistic people, like her, who basically are like vampires to me.
 
Okay so I'm in a bit of weird situation, I think. I met this girl at a party last Thursday and hit it of quite well. Talked to her a lot that night, and we made out after both having drank quite a lot of alcohol. She added me on facebook that night as well which I took as a good sign.

So I messaged her the next day and asked if she wanted to get a drink with me sometime next week. She said she'd like to do that, so I asked her when she'd be available. That was early Saturday morning, and by Sunday afternoon, I still didn't have a reply, even though she did read the message. So I said what the hell and just suggested 2 days on which I was available. Well she finally responded and said Thursday was good for her so now that date is set. It felt pretty weird to me and kinda forced, but whatever, I thought things were looking good for now.

The thing is however, she isn't really responding when I'm messaging her. Yesterday we talked a bit over facebook messenger, but nothing really anything substantial. Now the last messages weren't questions, but I'd think you'd be interested in the other person and talk to him/her If you'd agreed to go on a date with him, right?

Anyone else with a somewhat similar experience? I'm kinda worried that I'm going to be stood up this Thursday. We haven't talked about what time and where yet, so I'm thinking about suggesting I pick her up from her place. That sound like a good idea or a bit too stalkery?

Not everyone needs constant communication. You found a gem.

Also, don't pick her up.
 
Wondering what you guys saw as a healthy amount of time to spend with someone your dating?
We live about an hour apart and I worked from home pretty much since we've been together so this was never an issue.
Starting a new job that requires me to be in the office everyday, sometimes on a 7 on 4 off schedule..
I'm thinking I may have to see her once a week for dinner/hangout for a few hours and give her Fri/Sat/Sun when I can.

She wont come out to my place. Says shes scared of driving so far and such. Plus I have my kid some days or he swings by (Hes a teenager) and she says for her to drive that far she has to sleep over and says she will never sleep at my house with the chance my son could be there. She says since his mother lived here once it would be to odd and she wont stay over to I have a new house and bed.

We have this weird dynamic which I'm not sure is good or bad...when I ask if she wants to do something she says its up to me, when I ask what days are good for her she says its up too me...when I ask ANYTHING..she says its up too me.
She calls this "I'm driving the bus in this relationship"...it is kinda frustrating, makes you feel like your the needy one I guess...or maybe I'm over-analyzing it.
She says she has no life, no schedule, no kid like I do...she says she just works and sits at home.

I thought this dating thing would be a lot easier but I seemed to have fallen in love with a girl who's incredibly neurotic.

I don't know if I agree the hour drive is a deal breaker, what's the difference between an hour drive and an hour train or bus ride? If you want to make it work, you sometimes have to do things you don't want to do.

The question is, do you want to make this work? Is the drive enough of a deal breaker for you?

As for her not having a life. That's worrying, she could start to project all of her attention onto you and that will be suffocating after a while. It could also be that she simply enjoys her own company and isn't into socialising all that much. Why not bring it up?
 
Someone else said the same thing...

They said I'm an empathetic person which means I attract narcissistic people, like her, who basically are like vampires to me.

Sounds accurate. She is manipulating you for sure. She needs to be in intensive therapy, not in a relationship. You probably just see the good in her, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but she is definitely using that to her advantage. Again, her not even willing to be in the same house as your son is a huge red flag. Does she seriously expect you to cut off relations with him so she can play house with you?

As for her not having a life. That's worrying, she could start to project all of her attention onto you

She is already doing that. No reasonable person would ask someone to get a new house simply because their ex used to live there. She is trying to mold him into what she envisions as a perfect partner, which apparently is someone that isn't a parent.
 
Sounds accurate. She is manipulating you for sure. She needs to be in intensive therapy, not in a relationship. You probably just see the good in her, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but she is definitely using that to her advantage. Again, her not even willing to be in the same house as your son is a huge red flag. Does she seriously expect you to cut off relations with him so she can play house with you?

I'm tired, so not firing on all cylinders, but where's the manipulation coming from? I'm not seeing it from what's written.
 
"I won't come see you until you buy a new house"

"You have to do all the driving"

"Your son can't be around"

She passively/aggressively says stuff like "You're driving the bus in this relationship" when in reality she is the one controlling (manipulating) things so everything is how she likes/"needs" it. Just seems like an incredibly one-way street to me.

And I've known enough mentally off people in my time to know that some of them know enough to use it as an excuse, which I get a sense of here of a manipulative drama queen.
 
I'm tired, so not firing on all cylinders, but where's the manipulation coming from? I'm not seeing it from what's written.

Yeah. The only manipulation is basically making me "drive the bus". I guess saying she doesnt want to sleep in my bed or stay at my house if my son is there is a bit manipulating, but she has when we knew he was away with his mother out of town.

But she even refuses gifts. I got her nice saphires for v-day and she refused to take them...
 
"I won't come see you until you buy a new house"

"You have to do all the driving"

"Your son can't be around"

She passively/aggressively says stuff like "You're driving the bus in this relationship" when in reality she is the one controlling (manipulating) things so everything is how she likes/"needs" it. Just seems like an incredibly one-way street to me.

And I've known enough mentally off people in my time to know that some of them know enough to use it as an excuse, which I get a sense of here of a manipulative drama queen.

I really agree with all this....but after 6 months with her I've honestly fallen head over heels for her and dont know what to do.

Its like I cant see this ending well but I cant give it up...I feel as if I'm just in it till it "ends"
 
I missed the part about the son. That's messed up and if I had a child, it would honestly be a deal breaker right there and then.

Not sure I'd ever put up with that. Seems like she is scared that if your son is there, she won't be the centre of attention...

Bail. Honestly and sincerely.

Bail.
 
I really agree with all this....but after 6 months with her I've honestly fallen head over heels for her and dont know what to do.

Its like I cant see this ending well but I cant give it up...I feel as if I'm just in it till it "ends"

"Manipulating" may have not been the right word, but it comes down to that she needs serious professional help and you are enabling her behavior. You are co-dependent on each other. It's a toxic relationship.
 
Tinder is ALL about the profile picture, do you mind posting it? Maybe someone can give advice here

Don't know if you'll be able to see these pictures, 'cause they're from my facebook and my profile is private.

I've used this one for a long time. It seemed to work.

Now I use this one. It's older, but it's more neutral, and I don't look like a bitter, dark bastard.

I don't really have a lot of decent pictures of myself. I'm camera shy because I've rarely seen a picture of me I'm satified with.
 
Just tell her everything you posted and how it isn't fair.

You're not gonna build much with someone who refuses to see your kid and stay in your home after half a year of dating.

It's not like your kid is little. If he's old enough to be able to drive around and pop in I doubt she's gonna even have to be a mom figure.
 
She wont come out to my place. Says shes scared of driving so far and such. Plus I have my kid some days or he swings by (Hes a teenager) and she says for her to drive that far she has to sleep over and says she will never sleep at my house with the chance my son could be there. She says since his mother lived here once it would be to odd and she wont stay over to I have a new house and bed.

We have this weird dynamic which I'm not sure is good or bad...when I ask if she wants to do something she says its up to me, when I ask what days are good for her she says its up too me...when I ask ANYTHING..she says its up too me.
She calls this "I'm driving the bus in this relationship"...it is kinda frustrating, makes you feel like your the needy one I guess...or maybe I'm over-analyzing it.
She says she has no life, no schedule, no kid like I do...she says she just works and sits at home.

I thought this dating thing would be a lot easier but I seemed to have fallen in love with a girl who's incredibly neurotic.

I understand (kind of) not wanting to meet/be involved with your son at the early stages of a relationship (though I assume if you want a future with this woman, she'll have to in some way), but afraid of driving to your place? What?? Won't sleep at your house because she doesn't want to be in the same building your wife once was? Or sleeping in your bed because your wife once did? So many red flags here, it's ridiculous. She sounds immensely immature and manipulative, as Gwailo just pointed out.

Also, it's never fun, from my experience, having to plan every single date, time, and activity with someone. It gets tiring, and it's nice when your partner is willing to expend a bit of energy and put some effort in proposing fun stuff to do. That investment goes a long way and shows they actually give a shit.

Now if you'll excuse me, going to go schedule in buying a new bed every time I bring a new girl over so she doesn't feel "weird".
 
Don't know if you'll be able to see these pictures, 'cause they're from my facebook and my profile is private.

I've used this one for a long time. It seemed to work.

Now I use this one. It's older, but it's more neutral, and I don't look like a bitter, dark bastard.

I don't really have a lot of decent pictures of myself. I'm camera shy because I've rarely seen a picture of me I'm satified with.

Honestly I would swap those around, having the second pic as your profile pic and the first one as your second. Would work wonders I reckon, you're good looking. Surprised you're getting so few matches.
 
I missed the part about the son. That's messed up and if I had a child, it would honestly be a deal breaker right there and then.

Not sure I'd ever put up with that. Seems like she is scared that if your son is there, she won't be the centre of attention...

Bail. Honestly and sincerely.

Bail.

She does want to meet him, she hasn't yet. Its just the coming to my house thing that has her all weird.
To me its a neutral place but to her she feels weird since me and my wife lived and slept here with him for 15 years
 
She does want to meet him, she hasn't yet. Its just the coming to my house thing that has her all weird.
To me its a neutral place but to her she feels weird since me and my wife lived and slept here with him for 15 years

Seems like drama for drama sake.

I think gwailo nailed it. Nothing good will come from this. Nothing at all. I'd recommend cutting your losses now and getting back out there.
 
Don't know if you'll be able to see these pictures, 'cause they're from my facebook and my profile is private.

I've used this one for a long time. It seemed to work.

Now I use this one. It's older, but it's more neutral, and I don't look like a bitter, dark bastard.

I don't really have a lot of decent pictures of myself. I'm camera shy because I've rarely seen a picture of me I'm satified with.

Honestly I would swap those around, having the second pic as your profile pic and the first one as your second. Would work wonders I reckon, you're good looking. Surprised you're getting so few matches.

Yup, maybe take one more pic showing more of your face. You're a handsome dude baaed on those, weird as hell you're not getting any matches.
 
Seems like drama for drama sake.

I think gwailo nailed it. Nothing good will come from this. Nothing at all. I'd recommend cutting your losses now and getting back out there.

Would it be wrong to just "ride it out"?

I love talking to her and the time we have together. Shes brilliant and possess all the key physical attributes to what I find as attractive. I do think its bound to dissolve tho...

There was a point when we first started dating, like the first 2 months, I had an almost complete control of the situation and she would do anything I asked, now its liek the tables have turned and she has all these demands and neuroses.
 
Would it be wrong to just "ride it out"?

I love talking to her and the time we have together. Shes brilliant and possess all the key physical attributes to what I find as attractive. I do think its bound to dissolve tho...

There was a point when we first started dating, like the first 2 months, I had an almost complete control of the situation and she would do anything I asked, now its liek the tables have turned and she has all these demands and neuroses.

Who she really is finally surfaced. You can only hide this for so long, once she felt you were invested enough she felt comfortable being the person she always is.

Riding out is the worst thing you could do. Do you really want to become more invested with this person? She's showing who she really is, the physical aspects won't be anywhere near as attractive when she begins to suffocate you with her drama and demands.

Dude. Bail.
 
Would it be wrong to just "ride it out"?

I love talking to her and the time we have together. Shes brilliant and possess all the key physical attributes to what I find as attractive. I do think its bound to dissolve tho...

There was a point when we first started dating, like the first 2 months, I had an almost complete control of the situation and she would do anything I asked, now its liek the tables have turned and she has all these demands and neuroses.

If you don't see a future in the relationship, end it. Don't waste your (and her) time by delaying it. Sooner you break it off, sooner you might find something better.
 
Honestly I would swap those around, having the second pic as your profile pic and the first one as your second. Would work wonders I reckon, you're good looking. Surprised you're getting so few matches.

Yup, maybe take one more pic showing more of your face. You're a handsome dude baaed on those, weird as hell you're not getting any matches.

Oh, but that's exactly the way it is now. First the purple shirt face close-up one and then the black and white one.

I'm at a complete loss then! I'll try reinstalling the app and see what happens then.

Either way, thanks a ton, dudes!
 
I just fucked up right now because I was scared, fear.at college, only have one class. Always waiting for the bus so I could leave.

This girl always walks be there, she's pretty cute. Today nobody there just me and she's walking by and I don't say anything.

Just looked at the ground as she passed. I was going to tell her that I thinks she's pretty cute and if I could get her number, but 😞
 
I just fucked up right now because I was scared, fear.at college, only have one class. Always waiting for the bus so I could leave.

This girl always walks be there, she's pretty cute. Today nobody there just me and she's walking by and I don't say anything.

Just looked at the ground as she passed. I was going to tell her that I thinks she's pretty cute and if I could get her number, but 😞

Maybe try to say hello first and engage her in an actual conversation. Saying she's cute and you'd like her number without any kind of introduction has the potential to come off as creepy and while you're intentions are anything but, you don't want that to happen as it will make it impossible for you come back from it and if she goes back to her friends and makes a point to tell them you're creepy...well.
 
I just fucked up right now because I was scared, fear.at college, only have one class. Always waiting for the bus so I could leave.

This girl always walks be there, she's pretty cute. Today nobody there just me and she's walking by and I don't say anything.

Just looked at the ground as she passed. I was going to tell her that I thinks she's pretty cute and if I could get her number, but 😞

Has happened to all of us man. Learn from this, and be better tomorrow. One step at a time.
 
I know, I know...shes neurotic.

She once was car jacked, so maybe thats it. She also has afear of parking garages and keeps her eyes closed and has cried till we park.

I dont think she is manipulative. I just think she is childish and you shouldn't tolerate it. If someone expects you to do all the traveling and wont sleep over unless you buy a new house they are delusional. This isnt normal man. Address it.
 
I'd recommend Tinder first.

Not sure about the linked business. When did they start to offer that option? I guess it's to make accessing your pics easier and maybe more information about who you are for your profile?

Cheers Miles, I wanted to make an OKCupid profile anyway so I did so. It seemed a little dead tbh, not many people near me at all!

So I just made a Tinder profile, damn there's a lot of (very attractive!) people near me X_X
 
If you don't see a future in the relationship, end it. Don't waste your (and her) time by delaying it. Sooner you break it off, sooner you might find something better.

Its hard for me, I guess being an empathetic person I have some type of savior complex where I want for her to be with me cause I know I could make her happy. Seems her life is a horror story after horror story of relationships and I want the be the one who doesnt break her heart.
Her story is from 19-23 she lived with a guy...who kicked her out...then from 23-26 she lived with another guy..who kicked her out...she spent the last 6 years without a single guy making a relationship with her official, basically they ghost her or she find out they have GF's. Her last guy she saw she knew had a GF away at college and she played the side-chick to this guy for 3 years. Even when she tells me about these guys, they are absolute losers and it baffles me how her, with a masters degree, is getting shit on by bartenders and doormen or why she even dated them!?

When we first got together and I asked her out she was amazed. A couple days later she said a line shes changed a bit "When your done with me, let me know...dont keep me around"
That line has changed to "When you find a better looking girl, let me know"

I'm not gonna lie...I could do better in terms of looks and in terms of stability financially and mentally...but shes grown on me.

And to be honest its kind of hard to find what she is considering what I bring to the table.
I have a kid, but dont want to date anyone with them or anyone who wants them..
I am 36 but I got lucky and I look 25..
Shes also the first petite woman Ive ever dated and I just learned its EXACTLY what I've always wanted lol

So at 36, almost 37, its hard to find another 28-30ish girl with no kids and doesnt want them and she has to be about 5'4 and 100lbs and cute as a fucking button lol
 
Don't know if you'll be able to see these pictures, 'cause they're from my facebook and my profile is private.

I've used this one for a long time. It seemed to work.

Now I use this one. It's older, but it's more neutral, and I don't look like a bitter, dark bastard.

I don't really have a lot of decent pictures of myself. I'm camera shy because I've rarely seen a picture of me I'm satified with.


those are actually good pics, 10x better then what I ever put up, my pics were not even clear and I was told I looked different in every pic. the only thing I could say is maybe a pic where your facing the cam, but that's really nitpicking as I think they're good pics
 
Oh, but that's exactly the way it is now. First the purple shirt face close-up one and then the black and white one.

I'm at a complete loss then! I'll try reinstalling the app and see what happens then.

Either way, thanks a ton, dudes!

Maybe one where you're smiling and you see more of your face? You're a handsome dude, show it off.
 
Man, I don't even know how to take a picture of myself lol.

The funny thing is that all my pics on my profiles are of me with 40lbs ha!

The whole idea is some girl will see me with all my former fat, and when they run into me in person, they'll be like 'omg that guy is jacked'/s
 
Man, I don't even know how to take a picture of myself lol.

The funny thing is that all my pics on my profiles are of me with 40lbs ha!

The whole idea is some girl will see me with all my former fat, and when they run into me in person, they'll be like 'omg that guy is jacked'/s

Change this. Immediately. Keep an old picture if you want, maybe make a point to highlight the date it was taken so you can show off how far you've come, but add a newer pic.

This line of thinking is just ridiculous.
 
Cheers Miles, I wanted to make an OKCupid profile anyway so I did so. It seemed a little dead tbh, not many people near me at all!

So I just made a Tinder profile, damn there's a lot of (very attractive!) people near me X_X

Good luck out there. You've got this, don't be put off from messaging anyone and don't ever sell yourself short with thoughts of she's way too hot for me.
 
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