Support NeoGAF

[Gotdatmoney]

You're both right, I wrote this in a hurry. Won't go too long into detail but here's the thing, as a friend of the couple, I heard about either sides of the problem and honestly, my former friend didn't do a good job at presenting his.

This sounds like captain save a hoe logic. "My friend was a shitty boyfriend for her" is not and will never be valid logic for going after a his ex. That is if you actially like the person as a friend.

Now. I don't think I wrote this in a "but I didn't do anything wrong!" side. That group of friends went toxic as fuck when one of them got into a relationship with a girl who wanted to know every goddamn detail about every one of us. When she couldn't get any info on the breakup (which I did have, and it annoyed her), they pretty much ditched the girl I'm now dating from the group. I didn't like that so I stopped hanging around with them.

I personally can't relate to this because it seems like a 0-100 response. Because you wont talk about the break up with this person suddenly everyone doesn't want anything to do with your current gf? Does that make any sense?

Aaaaand here's the winner. When our, once happy group of friends got weird because of this girl, who always organized all the meetups and all, I wasn't comfortable around them anymore. The trigger was the "why you're still talking to her?" question from that girl.

If this is actually how it went down I find it ridiculous that some new entry into your group made the whole thing toxic and therefore you abandoned everyone else. Especially since you had the ability to talk to your other friends about this at any time. Unless you are leaving out some major details none of this reads out like common sense. It more reads like you liked this dudes girlfriend and when they broke up you saw a chance. And you didn't particular care about the rest of your friends. Because its not really odd that the core group of friends doesnt talk to that person'e ex when the two break up. I'm not saying new girl isnt a nosy bitch, I'm saying this one girl instantly made everything so toxic that you couldnt talk to "any" of your "friends"? It reads like fan fiction man.

I guess I didn't go into too much detail because I have been quite happy during the last couple of weeks. During that Christmas party she introduced me to her friends and they're pretty cool people. While the "losing friends isn't healthy part" is definitely true, I got to meet a whole new group of people who I am more comfortable with.

Would I have done this when the group was all good and happy? Of course not. But when things got bad, and now I'm being asked "why are you still talking to her?", guess I'm glad I bailed.

And the "was your friend okay with you hanging with her?" question is valid, but I guess you could say, "was she okay with you still hanging out with him?" too, which she didn't mind at all.

In the end, I don't feel bad about ditching people who feel like they can order me or control who I can speak with. I'm not saying I'm the good guy or that I didn't do anything perceived as shitty, but if I feel good with the new group of friends I'm hanging with, and I'm dating this really, REALLY amazing girl, then it was worth it.

This sounds more like justification than reasoning. I dont care personally. You just posted this story of you will so you are getting a critical take on it. If these people are your friends, you wouldn't abandon them so quickly and without any talking based on what you posted. It leads me to believe none of these people were really your genuine friends.

 

[Kurtofan]

I really really lost the will to live, nothing matters to me at this point

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I really really lost the will to live, nothing matters to me at this point

What's up?

 

[Afrocious]

I really really lost the will to live, nothing matters to me at this point

Back up. I just stepped back into this thread after about a week and I see this. What's up? What's wrong?

 

[Kurtofan]

she told her boyfriend about the affair she had with me, and he's ok with it, they're never going to break up
im never going to find someone who loves me, im dead inside, i hate myselffffffffffffff

 

[ZackieChan]

she told her boyfriend about the affair she had with me, and he's ok with it, they're never going to break up
im never going to find someone who loves me, im dead inside, i hate myselffffffffffffff

Why were you catching feels for someone with a boyfriend, man! Get yourself out there. You WILL find someone. Many of us have thought this way in the past, but it's not true! We got you, man. You're one of us.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

she told her boyfriend about the affair she had with me, and he's ok with it, they're never going to break up
im never going to find someone who loves me, im dead inside, i hate myselffffffffffffff

So wait, she can still see you? Why you so down then?

 

[Salamando]

she told her boyfriend about the affair she had with me, and he's ok with it, they're never going to break up
im never going to find someone who loves me, im dead inside, i hate myselffffffffffffff

She's doing you a favor. A girl that will cheat on her boyfriend with you is a girl who will cheat on you with yet another guy. You may hurt now from not having anyone, but just imagine the hurt that would come from that betrayal.

 

[Kurtofan]

So wait, she can still see you? Why you so down then?

as a friend, i wanted to be much more,

they weren't living together at the time of the affair, now they moved in together

lol

she even told me if I had questions I could ask him if I wanted

 

[backflip10019]

as a friend, i wanted to be much more,

they weren't living together at the time of the affair, now they moved in together

lol

she even told me if I had questions I could ask him if I wanted

That sucks and is also really weird.

If I were you, I'd totally bail immediately and find someone who is interested in you and only you.

 

[Kurtofan]

hippies not even once

 

[Kurtofan]

i guess i look like a hippy though...

 

[Afrocious]

she told her boyfriend about the affair she had with me, and he's ok with it, they're never going to break up
im never going to find someone who loves me, im dead inside, i hate myselffffffffffffff

what the fuck

you were in an affair

dude you should be thankful that's done

 

[Kurtofan]

what the fuck

you were in an affair

dude you should be thankful that's done

my first relationship lol

 

[vern]

And men just want a young hot tight pussy that keeps their stomach full and balls dry, mirite?

Preach girl!

/s

Oh

Look, generally speaking, everyone wants to feel special and appreciated by their partner. Everyone wants someone with self esteem and self confidence. Everyone wants to be sexually satisfied, and everyone enjoys a good meal. And, for the most part, everyone wants to be attracted to their partner.

Women are not some weirdly mysterious species that you can simplify into one generalisation merely because the idea of actually viewing them as people is too overwhelming.

I was lead to believe that women are from Venus though.

 

[Ultima_5]

i don't think being used to cheat on someone is a full fledged relationship... You should be happy some guy didn't kick your teeth in or anything awful

 

[Kurtofan]

i feel oddly at peace, free of a great burden.

When he didn't know I couldn't even email her because it was too risky, what if he learned!!!! now that he knows i just sent her an email to told her 'hey Im good now, i'll be taking you up on that offer of talking to him"

it's kind of funny in a way, all my feelings for her have vanished, instantly, i think this thread helped.

 

[Your Entertainer]

Maybe I am emotionless (or perhaps way too positive) but if my friend got with my ex and was happy I would be happy too. Not sure why it's considered as throwing a friend off the bridge. As soon as your break up, move on! If she dumped you she did you a favor! You can meet girls that are better suited for you!

Honestly, yes you do sound emotionless. Pretty crummy thing to do - that's what the last thread was about and it was an overwhelming consensus. How easy it to move on from the girl when your "best friend" is now dating her? Very, very lousy.

 

[backflip10019]

i feel oddly at peace, free of a great burden.

When he didn't know I couldn't even email her because it was too risky, what if he learned!!!! now that he knows i just sent her an email to told her 'hey Im good now, i'll be taking you up on that offer of talking to him"

it's kind of funny in a way, all my feelings for her have vanished, instantly, i think this thread helped.

Wait, what? You're gonna go talk to the boyfriend of the girl you just banged? That sounds like a bad idea.

 

[Ultima_5]

i feel oddly at peace, free of a great burden.

When he didn't know I couldn't even email her because it was too risky, what if he learned!!!! now that he knows i just sent her an email to told her 'hey Im good now, i'll be taking you up on that offer of talking to him"

it's kind of funny in a way, all my feelings for her have vanished, instantly, i think this thread helped.

This sounds more like its own thread than a dating advice post....

 

[Kurtofan]

Wait, what? You're gonna go talk to the boyfriend of the girl you just banged? That sounds like a bad idea.

ha I already had lunch with them once (after our affair ended back in February, when he didn't know yet, she invited me).

She told me explicitely "if you have questions to ask him, he told me you can". I think it's funny, not sure I even have questions to ask him but it's funny.

He's pretty chill, not exactly the threatening type, kind of depressed though but not anymore I guess.

 

[Kurtofan]

Best part? I don't give a shit anymore what happens if he gets upset or whatever, their problems is their problems, not mine. before I was deathly afraid I would ruin their couple or something and she would hate me, not anymore.

 

[Your Entertainer]

ha I already had lunch with them once (after our affair ended back in February, when he didn't know yet, she invited me).

She told me explicitely "if you have questions to ask him, he told me you can". I think it's funny, not sure I even have questions to ask him but it's funny.

He's pretty chill, not exactly the threatening type, kind of depressed though but not anymore I guess.

You are (all) socially obtuse and beyond the point of help at this point. It'll come with time.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Best part? I don't give a shit anymore what happens if he gets upset or whatever, their problems is their problems, not mine. before I was deathly afraid I would ruin their couple or something and she would hate me, not anymore.

I dont kniw if you are fishing for compliments or reinfoorcement but you did a shitty thing and in no way shape or form should you try and play yourself off as a misundetstood soul. You just engaged in shitty behaviour and anything you're feeling is deserved. No more no less.

Go do some soul searching man, this whole things comes across as weak.

 

[vern]

Honestly, yes you do sound emotionless. Pretty crummy thing to do - that's what the last thread was about and it was an overwhelming consensus. How easy it to move on from the girl when your "best friend" is now dating her? Very, very lousy.

Being cheated on sucks though and if your girl and your best friend are fucking each other behind your back that would be shitty and I'd be "emotional" about that I'm sure. It's never happened to me though. I've never had a bad breakup so to speak. It's always growing apart, moving to new city, that sort of thing. So from my own experience I would say breakups are a positive thing and whoever my friends or my ex-gfs decide to get with is their own business and I'm happy for them if they are happy.

Also happiness is an emotion is it not? I'm always a positive guy and I am happy like 99.9% of my life. I've never been depressed, I've been down about things like death and whatnot but I've never gotten super down about a breakup. Every breakup for me has had a reason, and there are so many amazing people out there that finding a new person (or multiple new people) to date and get to know is exciting as hell. Being with a girl that doesn't want you sounds a lot shittier to me than being free and single and meeting new girls all the time that do (potentially) want you.


And really I find it very hard to get hung up on a person that doesn't want me. If my girl says she's over me that is perfectly ok, no matter how much I might like her. People change, situations change, move on and be positive.

 

[Kurtofan]

I dont kniw if you are fishing for compliments or reinfoorcement but you did a shitty thing and in no way shape or form should you try and play yourself off as a misundetstood soul. You just engaged in shitty behaviour and anything you're feeling is deserved. No more no less.

Go do some soul searching man, this whole things comes across as weak.

some context:

she told me she was going to spend a week at his place (when we were still getting to know each other) I asked her if they were together she told me they were separated but still in good terms (they still had sex), I was fine with her explanation.
it's when they fully got back together than our relationship became an issue.

 

[dskillzhtown]

Best part? I don't give a shit anymore what happens if he gets upset or whatever, their problems is their problems, not mine. before I was deathly afraid I would ruin their couple or something and she would hate me, not anymore.

He sees you as no threat, she doesn't see you as anyone she wants to be with seriously, but you want to still hang around her? Okay. To what end? Just to spend your time and money on her with hopes she will one day leave her man? If they have talked about you, I am sure she has framed it as "He is a nice guy and I feel sorry for him." Move on, man.

 

[Kurtofan]

He sees you as no threat, she doesn't see you as anyone she wants to be with seriously, but you want to still hang around her? Okay. To what end? Just to spend your time and money on her with hopes she will one day leave her man? If they have talked about you, I am sure she has framed it as "He is a nice guy and I feel sorry for him." Move on, man.

how do you get this from my post? I'm saying I'm relieved I don't have to worry about this anymore.

 

[dskillzhtown]

how do you get this from my post? I'm saying I'm relieved I don't have to worry about this anymore.

Dude, you are still trying to hang out with a girl who has a man. Not only does she have a man, she has told the man about you. Not only does he know about you, he was having sex with her during the time you had your "affair". She made her decision, her decision was to be with him. So why are you trying to hang out with her? Why don't you try to find someone one else? Do you have that little respect for yourself that you are fine with being the little puppy that will follow her forever even if she has a man?

What you don't have to worry about is him knowing you are talking to her. Why do you think that is? Because you have zero future with her. Move on.

 

[Kurtofan]

I'm not following her, christ I wouldn't even see her if she wasn't a classmate. the big problem i had was dealing with those feelings everyday the past month, it's tough. now I've dealt with them, I can move on.

edit; calling our relationship an affair is kind of a stretched I agree, I'm not sure what to call it though, I was pretty confused over what she meant to that guy at first.

 

[gwailo]

Being cheated on sucks though and if your girl and your best friend are fucking each other behind your back that would be shitty and I'd be "emotional" about that I'm sure. It's never happened to me though. I've never had a bad breakup so to speak. It's always growing apart, moving to new city, that sort of thing. So from my own experience I would say breakups are a positive thing and whoever my friends or my ex-gfs decide to get with is their own business and I'm happy for them if they are happy.

Also happiness is an emotion is it not? I'm always a positive guy and I am happy like 99.9% of my life. I've never been depressed, I've been down about things like death and whatnot but I've never gotten super down about a breakup. Every breakup for me has had a reason, and there are so many amazing people out there that finding a new person (or multiple new people) to date and get to know is exciting as hell. Being with a girl that doesn't want you sounds a lot shittier to me than being free and single and meeting new girls all the time that do (potentially) want you.


And really I find it very hard to get hung up on a person that doesn't want me. If my girl says she's over me that is perfectly ok, no matter how much I might like her. People change, situations change, move on and be positive.

I think it is one thing if you remain friends with an ex and they eventually end up dating one of your friends. I would be okay with that, even if it came out that they liked each other when we were dating. That actually happened to me in college and I am still friendly to both people, as far as occasionally chatting with them on Facebook. I was going to a small school at the time so it was common for people in our friends circle to date each other at different points in time.

It's a whole different matter if it's obvious (like in that thread) where your "best" friend has been screwing your girlfriend behind your back - and then gets all angry/defensive about it when asked about it, like there's nothing wrong. In that thread, the friend tried to say he was going the guy a favor.

That's just scummy behavior. Sure, ultimately it's not worth expending a ton of time and energy thinking about it - just cut off contact and move on - but that sort of thing is going to affect most people, especially younger ones who haven't developed a thicker skin/chill attitude about relationships.

 

[Jokab]

And men just want a young hot tight pussy that keeps their stomach full and balls dry, mirite?

/s

Look, generally speaking, everyone wants to feel special and appreciated by their partner. Everyone wants someone with self esteem and self confidence. Everyone wants to be sexually satisfied, and everyone enjoys a good meal. And, for the most part, everyone wants to be attracted to their partner.

Women are not some weirdly mysterious species that you can simplify into one generalisation merely because the idea of actually viewing them as people is too overwhelming.

I'm not sure if you're agreeing with me or not, because it sounds like you are.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

some context:

she told me she was going to spend a week at his place (when we were still getting to know each other) I asked her if they were together she told me they were separated but still in good terms (they still had sex), I was fine with her explanation.
it's when they fully got back together than our relationship became an issue.

When she got back together with her bf you should have taken the hint. When she said her and her bf still had sex you really shoulda been aware this was a waste of time. Now you know its a waste of time. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, go pursue other women, don't bother with women who keep their exs close. There you go. I can't feel bad for you, this whole thing is just weak man, move the fuck on and learn from this none sense.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I'm not even sure I have words for kurtos posts except holy shit. And he follows it up with more bad decisions. Come on son.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

On the last page he was all mopey, and now he doesn't care.

He doesn't even know what he wants.

 

[VenomBoss]

Hey GAF, glad to find this thread.

Somethings been bothering me a lot lately. Been dating this girl for a year now (first serious relationship I would say). I had assumed that this summer we would be going on holiday together, however she tells me that she's already booked her holiday to go Thailand. It's with one of those backpacking tours with a group types thats for 2 months. I'm shocked to say the least. I had assumed we would want to spend all the time we had in summer together.

I not only feel slightly hurt but also slightly jealous if being honest. This is 2 whole months in Thailand with some of those type of backpacking dude bro guys. I'm worried about her being faithful too. Maybe I've seen too many movies but this type of holidays always end up in wild parties and drinking.

Anyone dealt with similar situation like this before? Has a long summer separate holidays ever turned out alright?

 

[ZackieChan]

Are you ACTUALLY dating, or are you Dating-Gaf dating? Seems to be crucial difference.

Because if you're actually in a relationship, that is pretty messed up that she wouldn't at least bring it up with you before booking. Those travel bros have a lean and hungry look. Such men are dangerous.

 

[bluethree]

2 months backpacking trip with a bunch of strangers without telling you anything? I could see if she needed to get away for a week or two by herself, but 2 months?

 

[Cudder]

2 months backpacking trip with a bunch of strangers without telling you anything? I could see if she needed to get away for a week or two by herself, but 2 months?

The length of time is irrelevant really. The hard hitting part is her not saying a word to him about it.

 

[tch]

I drunk messaged a friend of a friend asking them out. No response. Do I message them again explaining it or just laugh it off next time I see them?

 

[vern]

I slightly disagree but mostly agree. It's not summer yet. It's only March. So she did tell him prior. He apparently assumed that she'd be spending all summer with him why? It's clear they didn't discuss the summer yet.. And when it was brought up she didn't hide her plan. The problem is that she should have told him that she was planning a trip on her own though prior to booking that much is correct. Seems an exciting big trip would be something you tell your significant other.

If your relationship is strong and you trust her then you shouldn't worry about the bros. Her not telling you in advance of booking means your relationship probably isn't that strong or she doesn't trust that you won't get angry at her or hurt by her decision to travel alone.

I think you the relationship is doomed and I think this is a sign she's trying to distance herself, or at least she doesn't think it's as serious as you do.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Hey GAF, glad to find this thread.

Somethings been bothering me a lot lately. Been dating this girl for a year now (first serious relationship I would say). I had assumed that this summer we would be going on holiday together, however she tells me that she's already booked her holiday to go Thailand. It's with one of those backpacking tours with a group types thats for 2 months. I'm shocked to say the least. I had assumed we would want to spend all the time we had in summer together.

I not only feel slightly hurt but also slightly jealous if being honest. This is 2 whole months in Thailand with some of those type of backpacking dude bro guys. I'm worried about her being faithful too. Maybe I've seen too many movies but this type of holidays always end up in wild parties and drinking.

Anyone dealt with similar situation like this before? Has a long summer separate holidays ever turned out alright?

I feel like I'm just cold because I would dump someone for that. How the fuck you gon book a 2 month vacation in another country and not even discuss it with me? Yeah, go have fun while being single.

 

[Madouu]

Hey GAF, glad to find this thread.

Somethings been bothering me a lot lately. Been dating this girl for a year now (first serious relationship I would say). I had assumed that this summer we would be going on holiday together, however she tells me that she's already booked her holiday to go Thailand. It's with one of those backpacking tours with a group types thats for 2 months. I'm shocked to say the least. I had assumed we would want to spend all the time we had in summer together.

I not only feel slightly hurt but also slightly jealous if being honest. This is 2 whole months in Thailand with some of those type of backpacking dude bro guys. I'm worried about her being faithful too. Maybe I've seen too many movies but this type of holidays always end up in wild parties and drinking.

Anyone dealt with similar situation like this before? Has a long summer separate holidays ever turned out alright?

Not discussing the details with you before booking is worrying to say the least.

Long summer separate holidays can be okay, if there's enough trust and if you've got ways of keeping in touch. I was in that situation a few times and I don't believe it affected my relationships too much, but every time either me (or she) were upfront about it and we never booked and made plans before discussing it with each other. oh and the sex was great when we got back together.

Is she really that scared of your reaction that she would choose to not tell you thus ignoring how you would feel when you know about it? or does she simply not care? These are the questions I'd be asking myself.

 

[bluethree]

I feel like I'm just cold because I would dump someone for that. How the fuck you gon book a 2 month vacation in another country and not even discuss it with me? Yeah, go have fun while being single.

Yeah, instant dealbreaker for sure.

 

[M52B28]

Hey GAF, glad to find this thread.

Somethings been bothering me a lot lately. Been dating this girl for a year now (first serious relationship I would say). I had assumed that this summer we would be going on holiday together, however she tells me that she's already booked her holiday to go Thailand. It's with one of those backpacking tours with a group types thats for 2 months. I'm shocked to say the least. I had assumed we would want to spend all the time we had in summer together.

I not only feel slightly hurt but also slightly jealous if being honest. This is 2 whole months in Thailand with some of those type of backpacking dude bro guys. I'm worried about her being faithful too. Maybe I've seen too many movies but this type of holidays always end up in wild parties and drinking.

Anyone dealt with similar situation like this before? Has a long summer separate holidays ever turned out alright?

Knowing the kind of shit that goes down abroad, I'd be skeptical, especially considering the activity. If you're confident that she will be faithful, good, but don't let that shroud your judgement of the situation.

She's going to be gone for two months, doing activities with strangers, etc. If she's a drinker, I'd be weary of her behavior especially.

A TWO MONTH BACKPACKING TRIP planned without your knowledge is also alarming. Now, I'm not saying the relationship is doomed, but that doesn't seem good.

Tell her how it makes you feel. Considering I'm a hiker/backpacker, I'd be especially pissed.

Also, is she staying at a hostel?

 

[Jzero]

Do not keep engaging this girl.

MOVE ON.

Thanks guys, will do. She told me that she has trust issues and she made her last boyfriend be her friend for a year before dating him. Nobody's got time for that 😂

 

[ZackieChan]

Thanks guys, will do. She told me that she has trust issues and she made her last boyfriend be her friend for a year before dating him. Nobody's got time for that 😂

Oh hell naw

 

[gwailo]

That's not trust issues, that's someone making another person be their lap dog before they deem them worthy enough to date. A bunch of bullshit if you ask me. That's the sort of crap that comes up a lot in online dating and I learned pretty early on to just move on. If someone takes weeks or months (or a year!!!) before they are ready to date, that indicates a LOT of deep problems and the person should be in a therapist's chair, not on OK Cupid.

As for the backpacking question, the relationship (at least as the poster views it) is over. The fact that she didn't even mention that she was booking/planning the trip and only told you after the fact indicates she doesn't have much stock in the relationship. Sounds like she views it more as a fun college fling and you see it as more serious.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Thanks guys, will do. She told me that she has trust issues and she made her last boyfriend be her friend for a year before dating him. Nobody's got time for that 😂

Sometimes I just wanna pose a hypothetical super inappropriate counter to people who say that kind of stuff. "Okay fair, I have to smash for a year before I can date myself. You cool with that right?"

Just to get the point across that their prereq is extremely stupid and extremely not happening.

 

[Kindekuma]

Got dumped today RelationshipGAF. Kinda bummed but not distraught over it or anything.

My ex and I are both in uni (I'm a senior, she's a year younger), says that her workload is too much to also manage a relationship as well. School work comes first, naturally, and I respect that. But oh well I guess. This hasn't been my week.