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[torontoml]

Don't worry about the kiss. If she likes you, there will be more opportunities. Just don't delay it too much to the point where she thinks you're not interested. But more importantly, don't overthink it to the point of paralysis.

Oh I know, I'm going to do my best to get it done the next time we meet, maybe Monday evening after she drives back or Tuesday.

But she keeps texting me now, its almost 130 am. I don't think she is asking me to come over but I can't tell . It would be a half hour drive back over there and now I'm pretty tired. Fuck I don't like this at all.

 

[Llyranor]

Haha don't be too desperate about it. Next time.

Also, if the car setup really gets in the way, suggest the back seat next time.

 

[torontoml]

yeah I forgot to put in that last post that I thought it might come off desperate.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

How is this either 1) weird or 2) a predicament?

Also, figure out how to communicate without text messages if you leave the country a lot. Line, WeChat, WhatsApp, etc. - all use Internet rather than texts. Far superior!

Well, it's weird but not a predicament. I mean... it's unusual cause I've never had anyone be interested in me for that long. Like, she waited two weeks to keep talking to me?

Also, yeah, I had her on WhatsApp, but we never talked on it, though I could have. I wonder what that says about me.

 

[Stackboy]

I'm in a weird predicament:

Met a girl online. She's pretty. Nice. Looking for a long-term relationship. We talk for a few days, meet for coffee, hang out for an hour, talk a bit more, and then I jet off overseas for two weeks and we don't talk at all.

I fly back in this morning and I already have a text waiting from her about how my trip went, and we continued talking a bit today.

This is very unusual for me. Either I've done something incredibly right, or she has very poor taste.

Have more faith in yourself man!

 

[ZackieChan]

Well, it's weird but not a predicament. I mean... it's unusual cause I've never had anyone be interested in me for that long. Like, she waited two weeks to keep talking to me?

Also, yeah, I had her on WhatsApp, but we never talked on it, though I could have. I wonder what that says about me.

Probably speaks more to your insecurities than anything. Just accept it and have a good time.

Haha don't be too desperate about it. Next time.

Also, if the car setup really gets in the way, suggest the back seat next time.

How about the bed of the pickup? Throw a mattress back there!

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

Try Bumble. Seems to be good. Coffee Meet Bagel too? I turned a friend onto Tantan some weeks ago, he's had quite a lot of success in getting dates. They haven't really gone anywhere so far as I know, but he's happy with the level of replies and dates he's getting last time I spoke to him.

You'll need very good pics on there though.

Ya I met the current girl in seeing in Coffee Meets Bagel...I can co sign

 

[Benzychenz]

Convenient. Come to Melbourne tonight and I'll take photos for you or tomorrow. I'm here til Sunday

I live an hour out of Melbourne and have work 9am both Sat/Sun D:

 

[BadTaste]

Congratsonthesex.gif?

It didn't happen, I was too out of it that night and it was a little awkward the next morning.

 

[Lucian Cat]

I live an hour out of Melbourne and have work 9am both Sat/Sun D:

Lame

 

[Kiever Sher]

Can't find the post now but someone put up a stock message he sent to everyone. I haev't had much success with tailored messaging so decided to just copy it and send it out. Sent it to 40 and got 12 replies. And most looked at my profile. Before with unique messages barely anyone replied and no one even looked at my profile. I guess it's a case of casting such a wide net but still, quite a difference. Weird.

Also funnily enough when I added a little to his message, like i'd say ''S I love post punk too!'', those got nothing either. Brave new world.

 

[n64coder]

My question is, she waited around in my truck when I was dropping her off for like an extra 30-40 min. I'm thinking I should have tried to kiss her, but I'm in an F150 and there is a large center console between us so I couldn't figure out how to do it without her leaning in significantly.

I would have gotten out of the car, walked around and opened her door. You could have talked some more and then given her a nice hug/kiss.

Can't find the post now but someone put up a stock message he sent to everyone. I haev't had much success with tailored messaging so decided to just copy it and send it out. Sent it to 40 and got 12 replies. And most looked at my profile. Before with unique messages barely anyone replied and no one even looked at my profile. I guess it's a case of casting such a wide net but still, quite a difference. Weird.

I guess AHealy knows what he's talking about.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Can't find the post now but someone put up a stock message he sent to everyone. I haev't had much success with tailored messaging so decided to just copy it and send it out. Sent it to 40 and got 12 replies. And most looked at my profile. Before with unique messages barely anyone replied and no one even looked at my profile. I guess it's a case of casting such a wide net but still, quite a difference. Weird.

Also funnily enough when I added a little to his message, like i'd say ''S I love post punk too!'', those got nothing either. Brave new world.

What's the message?

I guess AHealy knows what he's talking about.

Everyone has been saying send out as many messages as possible. That's pretty different from changing your entire profile to better match someone else's and outright lying.

 

[n64coder]

What's the message?

I thought it was this one

And my copy+paste spam message was basically something like..
"Hi, I noticed your profile and thought you were cute. I'm really new at this and hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself but Id really like to chat with you and learn more about you. Thanks for your time, hopefully you respond so we can see what happens.

Name
"

Short, simple, not specific..just "Hey your cute, wanna chat?"
99% of them always respond "omg, Im new at this too! Never thought Id be using online dating etc..."
Then just shoot the shit like you met someone and your chatting not trying to date or fuck them asap.

 

[Kiever Sher]

What's the message?

Hi, I noticed your profile and thought you were cute. I'm really new at this and hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself but Id really like to chat with you and learn more about you. Thanks for your time, hopefully you respond so we can see what happens

I was shocked at the response in all honesty. Mostly ''Hi! How are you!'' Although one girl asked if I was a robot and another said I was very formal.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I thought it was this one

Hi, I noticed your profile and thought you were cute. I'm really new at this and hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself but Id really like to chat with you and learn more about you. Thanks for your time, hopefully you respond so we can see what happens

I was shocked at the response in all honesty. Mostly ''Hi! How are you!'' Although one girl asked if I was a robot and another said I was very formal.

Cool. I'm glad it's working and props to Ahealy for sharing it. Still not on board with his other tactics though.

 

[ZackieChan]

Seems like a terrible message that's way too wordy, but wtf do I know?

 

[Pasta_Soup]

Weird that it's getting decent response results. Interested in seeing if it leads to actual dates.

When I read that message, it immediately reads as unnaturally formal and lacking confidence - specifically the "hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself" and the "hopefully you respond back".

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

His message not being a creepy proposition already makes it better than most.

 

[Kiever Sher]

Cool. I'm glad it's working and props to Ahealy for sharing it. Still not on board with his other tactics though.

I didn't think it would go over well at all but I have a date for tomorrow so yup! Seems to make people check my profile more than any unique messages.

 

[Salamando]

It probably says more about the quality of message that was getting sent beforehand than anything.

 

[Kiever Sher]

It probably says more about the quality of message that was getting sent beforehand than anything.

My own? Maybe. I usually tried to bring up something they mentioned, asked them about something etc. maybe people don't want to be answering questions and junk.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Seems like a terrible message that's way too wordy, but wtf do I know?

I imagine it gives the impression that some effort went into it and the sender was willing to be 'honest'?

I didn't think it would go over well at all but I have a date for tomorrow so yup! Seems to make people check my profile more than any unique messages.

Good luck, hope it goes well. Just keep it chill, etc and you'll be fine

 

[WolfeTone]

I also find it weird when people send messages asking people if they can talk. Like "I'd really like to chat with you and learn more about you." Almost seems like you're asking permission to engage in conversation or something. Why not just talk.

Reminds me of people who say stuff like "Would it be alright if I asked you out on a date sometime?" They build up to asking that as if it's some big deal but then even if the other person says yes, you still haven't gotten a date, you have to ask again to actually set up the damn meeting.

Be direct.

Also the AHealy approach is some creepy shit (specifically the tailoring his profile stuff, the generic message isn't that creepy). I'm genuinely surprised that it's generated positive results for him. I'm guessing he's pretty good looking. Honestly if you're following Rules 1 and 2, you could send a simple 'Hi' and get a response.

 

[Kiever Sher]

Good luck, hope it goes well. Just keep it chill, etc and you'll be fine

Thanks a lot, man. It's been a while! So it'll just be good to get back out there at the very least.

And a big fat NOPE to the guy suggesting it's my looks. I'm solid 4 on my best day.

 

[ZackieChan]

Thanks a lot, man. It's been a while! So it'll just be good to get back out there at the very least.

And a big fat NOPE to the guy suggesting it's my looks. I'm solid 4 on my best day.

Another name change?

 

[Kiever Sher]

Another name change?

Whoops I thought the guy was talking about my my positive results not AHealy's.

Also I was browsing through that Aziz Ansari book at the store today and there was a section about the generic message, basically saying that it's not worthwhile doing unique messages when you could've spent the time on sending out 5 messages in that time. I mean this is all new to me but it seems like it's a jungle out there brothers. Statistics and everything.

 

[Salamando]

So, Ahealy is totally just SPMH under a new account, right? I remembered him having a message he spammed out to ladies, and, well, read his post next to AHealy's...
SPMH vs Ahealy

Whoops I thought the guy was talking about my my positive results not AHealy's.

Also I was browsing through that Aziz Ansari book at the store today and there was a section about the generic message, basically saying that it's not worthwhile doing unique messages when you could've spent the time on sending out 5 messages in that time. I mean this is all new to me but it seems like it's a jungle out there brothers. Statistics and everything.

There's no "I win" button, that's for sure. There's a bit of an art to tailoring messages to someone's profile. You could ask them a question about something they weren't serious about and thus get ignored. I have better luck when I ask about the profile as a whole instead of a particular detail. Commenting on images works too.

 

[WolfeTone]

Whoops I thought the guy was talking about my my positive results not AHealy's.

Yah I was referring to AHealy/SPMH. But I don't mean to imply that you're not attractive. I'm sure you're beautiful, inside and out. Solid four be damned!

I've heard good things about the Ansari book and I enjoyed Master of None, maybe I should give it a try. Even if I get the impression that he's looking for very different things from dating than I am.

I miss SPMH's bizarre dating stories. I thought I had a thing for attracting crazy girls but that guy took it to the next level.

 

[Roufianos]

So I met this girl for drinks on Monday. It was the best first (Tinder) date I've had by far. We got there at 7 and by 11, it was me who had to talk her into leaving.

The next day she texts me saying she had a great time and obviously she found me very attractive but she didn't want to see me again as I spoke about myself a lot instead of "us".

I don't even know what that means so I ignore it only for her to text me later apologising, saying that she just came out of a long relationship and was over thinking because it was her first date in ages.

Since then she's messaged me 3 times without a reaponse on one day and claimed she was really upset yesterday because I didn't message her at all. So much for not wanting to meet me.

I think she sounds completely mental but my friend said she was just trying to gain the upper hand and failed. Any other takes? I guess there's nothing to really lose by seeing her again.

 

[WolfeTone]

So I met this girl for drinks on Monday. It was the best first (Tinder) date I've had by far. We got there at 7 and by 11, it was me who had to talk her into leaving.

The next day she texts me saying she had a great time and obviously she found me very attractive but she didn't want to see me again as I spoke about myself a lot instead of "us".

I don't even know what that means so I ignore it only for her to text me later apologising, saying that she just came out of a long relationship and was over thinking because it was her first date in ages.

Since then she's messaged me 3 times without a reaponse on one day and claimed she was really upset yesterday because I didn't message her at all. So much for not wanting to meet me.

I think she sounds completely mental but my friend said she was just trying to gain the upper hand and failed. Any other takes? I guess there's nothing to really lose by seeing her again.

Sounds like she made a mistake, but owned up to it and apologized for it. Depending on how much you like her you could give her another shot, but if it sounds like too much drama/game playing for you then you can ignore her. Second date couldn't hurt based on what you've said.

 

[GK86]

Sounds like she was nervous. And the fact that she reached out three times shows she is (was?) interested.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Sounds like she made a mistake, but owned up to it and apologized for it. Depending on how much you like her you could give her another shot, but if it sounds like too much drama/game playing for you then you can ignore her. Second date couldn't hurt based on what you've said.

Yeah, it's easy to forget that some women also have problems getting/going on dates sometimes and they are just as nervous and make rash/silly decisions.

I think it sends up a couple of red flags that she sent three messages and said she was upset because you weren't replying, that suggests she's still working through her issues and you could end up being the person she uses to work through them/takes them out on. There's the clingy aspect too...

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Sounds like she was nervous. And the fact that she reached out three times shows she is (was?) interested.

Clingy in my opinion.

Could be she's still not fully at peace with her last relationship ending and is projecting a lot of those feelings/issues onto Rou.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

So I met this girl for drinks on Monday. It was the best first (Tinder) date I've had by far. We got there at 7 and by 11, it was me who had to talk her into leaving.

The next day she texts me saying she had a great time and obviously she found me very attractive but she didn't want to see me again as I spoke about myself a lot instead of "us".

I don't even know what that means so I ignore it only for her to text me later apologising, saying that she just came out of a long relationship and was over thinking because it was her first date in ages.

Since then she's messaged me 3 times without a reaponse on one day and claimed she was really upset yesterday because I didn't message her at all. So much for not wanting to meet me.

I think she sounds completely mental but my friend said she was just trying to gain the upper hand and failed. Any other takes? I guess there's nothing to really lose by seeing her again.

Sounds both way too clingy for me. Everyone has problems but the same way I tell everyone here chill the fuck out with messaging and getting attached the other person also has to exude some sort of chill. This girl seems to have no chill. Just my take.

Its one date. How are you messaging me your sad I didnt respond? That's not interesting, thats annoying.

 

[GK86]

Clingy in my opinion.

Could be she's still not fully at peace with her last relationship ending and is projecting a lot of those feelings/issues onto Rou.

Yeah, you are right. I skipped over the whole 'upset' over not responding back part.

 

[ZackieChan]

So I met this girl for drinks on Monday. It was the best first (Tinder) date I've had by far. We got there at 7 and by 11, it was me who had to talk her into leaving.

The next day she texts me saying she had a great time and obviously she found me very attractive but she didn't want to see me again as I spoke about myself a lot instead of "us".

I don't even know what that means so I ignore it only for her to text me later apologising, saying that she just came out of a long relationship and was over thinking because it was her first date in ages.

Since then she's messaged me 3 times without a reaponse on one day and claimed she was really upset yesterday because I didn't message her at all. So much for not wanting to meet me.

I think she sounds completely mental but my friend said she was just trying to gain the upper hand and failed. Any other takes? I guess there's nothing to really lose by seeing her again.

Did you go on a date with Jason's Ultimatum?

 

[Pasta_Soup]

Did you go on a date with Jason's Ultimatum?

I almost spit my drink out.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Did you go on a date with Jason's Ultimatum?

This works flawlessly with your avatar.

Savage as fuck bro.

 

[Llyranor]

So, Ahealy is totally just SPMH under a new account, right? I remembered him having a message he spammed out to ladies, and, well, read his post next to AHealy's...
SPMH vs Ahealy

Wow, I thought it was just an exaggeration joke, but now I'm convinced they're the same person.

Writing copy+paste with a +, using the same spam message tactic, Match, talking about paying for boost, dating crazy girls, being crazy. Too many things in common for it to just be a coincidence.

Unless Ahealy went all out in his 'edit your message to impress other people' tactic and shaped his posts based on the GAFer he admires the most...

 

[ZackieChan]

This works flawlessly with your avatar.

Savage as fuck bro.

All in good fun. I encourage people to take jabs at me, as well!

If my actual website wasn't in my profile, I would tell y'all some pitiful stories

 

[Roufianos]

Sounds like she made a mistake, but owned up to it and apologized for it. Depending on how much you like her you could give her another shot, but if it sounds like too much drama/game playing for you then you can ignore her. Second date couldn't hurt based on what you've said.

I really did like her. She was really pretty with these big ass eyes that were bright green in the middle and brown on the outside. I had a lot in common with her too, she's Cypriot, I'm Greek, we're both studying law, humour and music were a match too.

I can't stand drama but yea I'd say I liked her enough to give it another try. I don't think I'm attached enough to be upset if it doesn't work out.

Clingy in my opinion.

Could be she's still not fully at peace with her last relationship ending and is projecting a lot of those feelings/issues onto Rou.

Yea I think that's it exactly. I saw my sister do this after her break up. She'd meet guys and like them but then pick up the smallest details a few days later and use them as an excuse to not see the guy again.

I would guess it's all because they're thinking you're not as good as their ex, comparing a stranger to someone they were in love with.

But she told me she broke up with him in October so I would guess that's long enough to begin moving on.

Sounds both way too clingy for me. Everyone has problems but the same way I tell everyone here chill the fuck out with messaging and getting attached the other person also has to exude some sort of chill. This girl seems to have no chill. Just my take.

Its one date. How are you messaging me your sad I didnt respond? That's not interesting, thats annoying.

Yea she's clingy now but I bet the minute I drop my guard and show something back she'll start treating me like shit.

The last girl I properly dated off tinder would say shit like "What do you want for Christmas?", "Where are we going in the summer?", "I hope your dad likes me".

Then bam! She tells me after 12 or so meetings that she just used tinder for sex and thought she might be able to be my gf but now realised she couldn't.

There I was all heartbroken because her words had let my guard down. I feel bad about not responding to this one but I'm just trying to not be so naive this time.

Did you go on a date with Jason's Ultimatum?

Haha, I'm sure that was hilarious, didn't understand the reference though!

 

[torontoml]

I would have gotten out of the car, walked around and opened her door. You could have talked some more and then given her a nice hug/kiss.

I am letting my fuck up go, because we are still texting and talking fine. But I just wanted to give the reason why I didn't do this, when I pulled in the drive way her house door was literally maybe 5 feet away from the passenger side of my truck. And I thought it would come off as awkwardly try hard romantic if I asked her to stay in the vehicle.

Tell me I'm wrong and I won't ever do that again.

 

[Vard]

I am letting my fuck up go, because we are still texting and talking fine. But I just wanted to give the reason why I didn't do this, when I pulled in the drive way her house door was literally maybe 5 feet away from the passenger side of my truck. And I thought it would come off as awkwardly try hard romantic if I asked her to stay in the vehicle.

Tell me I'm wrong and I won't ever do that again.

No, I think you made the right call.

 

[stn]

Hi, I noticed your profile and thought you were cute. I'm really new at this and hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself but Id like to chat with you and learn more about you.

I removed the last part, I think this sounds much more confident and affirmative.

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

Personally I think anyone who has to go out of their way to say "I hope this isn't creepy" is being creepy.

 

[nvrndr]

Tfw you forget you even made a POF profile, made it lame and uninteresting and a hot girl wants to meet you.

So random.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Hi, I noticed your profile and thought you were cute. I'm really new at this and hope I dont come off creepy or embarrass myself but Id really like to chat with you and learn more about you. Thanks for your time, hopefully you respond so we can see what happens

I was shocked at the response in all honesty. Mostly ''Hi! How are you!'' Although one girl asked if I was a robot and another said I was very formal.

This, honestly, is horrible. The only plus is that it's written (mostly) in English, which puts you a leg above the vast majority of messages women receive. But it smacks of neediness, flags you as being creepy (because only creepy people are afraid of being creepy), and ending with "hopefully you respond" is basically the tagline of the Online Dating |OT|.

I always did online dating differently, and yet it always worked for me. I never blasted messages. I picked a handful of girls that I wanted to message, and I had something like a 90% response rate. And, at times, I replied to the messages girls sent me (but not always). I realize this isn't the universal experience; I didn't have time to manage more than 4 or 5 conversations at a time.

Anyway, based on the actual data, I've been convinced that sending a literate message to as many recipients as possible is actually the optimal method. But don't disqualify yourself by making it a needy/creepy one. I suspect the best way to maximize everything is to have an interesting profile, great pictures (especially your lead thumbnail), and then send a grammatically correct, literate message to a large number of people. You'd probably get better mileage at (slightly) tailoring them -- like, having a stock 2 or 3 messages to choose from. Or, having a set few sentences, then tailor one sentence that shows you've read their profile and counts as a call to action for them to respond.

Of course, I'm just spitballing at 1am.

 

[electricshake]

I agree it's horrible, I would not reply and unless your thumbnail was hot I wouldn't even look at your profile. It reeks of insecurity which is a huge turn off for me.

 

[Joel Was Right]

I met this girl from a dating site in a kind of funny way. We were flirting with each other on the website when she mentioned that she was just browsing for fun rather than looking to actually go on dates. Fair enough. So I replied something along the lines of, 'Well, this will be a fun story to tell our kids' as a tongue in cheek comment.

Anyway, we then go together in spontaneous fashion. She was in the area one afternoon close to where I was having lunch and we met up, shared a dessert speaking our 'home' language. It was just fun - nothing romantic about it, but we were both happy. That was our first actual conversation. Online was just flirtatious text-like speak - we didn't even spoke on the phone for more than a minute before meeting and so it was refreshing to just meet.

That was about two weeks ago.

Since then, we've been speaking on the phone for an hour each night. Ridiculous amount of flirting. But that was short-lived as she became less talkative and generally a bit distant. It didn't bother me as neither of us actually began this whole thing invested in the idea of dating romantically.

However, two days ago we decided to see a film. Although we ended up deciding against a film, we had a great time having dinner and exploring the city at night.

The actual point.

I'm getting mixed signals from her (or am I misinterpreting them?). She says she's not looking for anything but her body language hints she likes me. She blushes when I flirt with her and when either of us is speaking, we seem to lock eyes. This more so than our first meeting. And later in the evening, as we walked through an area with a few sex shops, there were a few innuendo's exchanged, closer physical contact and a bit more touching.

At the end, we're on the train platform heading home joking about something before a moment of silence. "What are you thinking about?", she asks with that eye-locking thing again. Obviously I'm thinking about kissing her but I don't say that because it's silly.

Last night however, in a text conversation, I mentioned to her that I wanted to kiss her that night. She says something along the lines of, basically, er dude we're not a couple. Completely threw me off.