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[Miles Quaritch]

I only had the information he gave /at the time/, people need to be clear. You're saying don't make assumptions, but assuming he had said more is just that.

Anything could be happening their end, anything, and you're not the only person they'll be talking with.

Sometime you have to give the conversation a little push. I was chatting with a girl I hit it off with and she went quiet for a few days after my last message. So I simply messaged her again and asked if she was ok. She replied almost instantly and said "yeh, sorry, I'm dealing with some difficult family issues".

Turns out we were meant to be, we got together four months later.

I've had to give the conversation a little nudge sometimes and girls have had to do it to me. The conversation may be something you're focused on and excited about, but it may not be the most important thing in the other person's world.

There's no assumption, he posted he said more.

No-one is denying she could be busy or whatever else, that's not the issue. He shouldn't have to send her a message that pushes her to respond either. He sent a message, she ignored it/chose not to respond. His options are to move on and forget about her, move on but send another message later to see if she's still up for meeting next Friday (best option) or do what you suggested and send her message that comes off as a desperate attempt to get a reply.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

When I talked to her on the phone on Monday, she mentioned that her mom passed away within the last month of so. And on Thursday, when I trying to hammer out the last details of the date, she mentioned she called into work bc she was sad. But assured me we would probably be going out

This is how it went down via text when she cancelled

Her: Hun, can we do another night? I just can't today. I'm sorry.

Me: Sure. Do have a certain day in mind?

Her: I don't.

Me: Do you want me to still call after work? (was suppose to so she could tell me where to meet her)

Her: I'm going to try to take a nap. I'm sorry, I'm just down today.

Me: Alright...ill text you tonight. It's alright

Her: Thank you.


I sent her a couple of texts last night, but no response and one this morning, but nothing yet

Feels like I'm being ghosted

Mum died, huh.

Maybe she did, but I never take these things at face value.

What I'll say is leave her alone, don't send any more messages. Give her some space and get in touch again in a few days, if she's still unresponsive, you've got your answer about if you're being ghosted.

 

[Ogodei]

First mutual match on Plenty of Fish, though i joined the site in early April i haven't had a chance to go hard at it until recently.

It's been a busy first half of the year for me. Not to the point of filling my weekends (that's only been this May), but just a draining time of flipping through odd jobs and looking for work. Now that i'm settled in a job i'm setting aside time to get back on the dating sites and get this rolling again.

 

[Zakalwe]

There's no assumption, he posted he said more.

No-one is denying she could be busy or whatever else, that's not the issue. He shouldn't have to send her a message that pushes her to respond either. He sent a message, she ignored it/chose not to respond. His options are to move on and forget about her, move on but send another message later to see if she's still up for meeting next Friday (best option) or do what you suggested and send her message that comes off as a desperate attempt to get a reply.

He posted he said more /after/ my post. You understand I didn't know that when I initially replied, right?

Comes off as a desperate attempt to who? Because in my experience they kick-started many decent conversations, a bunch of which led to fun dates with actual girls.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

He posted he said more /after/ my post. You understand I didn't know that when I initially replied, right?

Comes off as a desperate attempt to who? Because in my experience they kick-started many decent conversations, a bunch of which led to fun dates with actual girls.

Right, but you seemed to think I was under some assumption that he said more than he did when I only brought up the fact he did after he mentioned it.

Seems pretty obvious who it'll come off as desperate to. He could and maybe try your way and maybe it'll work or maybe it'll come off as him trying too hard and being desperate. They had plans, she said she wanted to know about him but went silent. It's almost as if ghosting or losing interest is something you've never encountered or refuse to accept as a possibility and insist he should just bombard her with things to try and reignite a conversation she seemingly lost interest in.

The smartest way to approach this would be to message her again in a couple of days, see if she's still interested in going to the club and if she doesn't reply, he's managed to retain some level of dignity and didn't spend time crafting messages for someone who was never going to reply anyway.

His time is as equally important as hers. He could spend time crafting messages that might get a response or he could use that time messaging others who will show interest and remain engaged.

Dates with actual girls? Crazy.

 

[Zakalwe]

Right, but you seemed to think I was under some assumption that he said more than he did when I only brought up the fact he did after he mentioned it.

Seems pretty obvious who it'll come off as desperate to. He could and maybe try your way and maybe it'll work or maybe it'll come off as him trying too hard and being desperate. They had plans, she said she wanted to know about him but went silent. It's almost as if ghosting or losing interest is something you've never encountered or refuse to accept as a possibility and insist he should just bombard her with things to try and reignite a conversation she seemingly lost interest in.

The smartest way to approach this would be to message her again in a couple of days, see if she's still interested in going to the club and if she doesn't reply, he's managed to retain some level of dignity and didn't spend time crafting messages for someone who was never going to reply anyway.

His time is as equally important as hers. He could spend time crafting messages that might get a response or he could use that time messaging others who will show interest and remain engaged.

Dates with actual girls? Crazy.

You're so caught up with trying to be right you don't see you're saying the exact same thing as me.

IE: chill, give it a little time, give it a nudge, see what happens.

I'm not sure how you got anything else from my posts.

I've lost interest and completely forgotten conversations, I've had people stop responding to me. It happens.

The point I was making is "I'd like to get to know you" is no guarantee and it doesn't mean you're owed. There could be a million reasons why they're not responding, try not to assume the negative or you're just going to get bitter.

Sometimes people just lose interest too. Being able to accept that without talking about "ghosting" like you've been done wrong is pretty essential if you want your dating experience to be a healthy one.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

You're so caught up with trying to be right you don't see you're saying the exact same thing as me.

IE: chill, give it a little time, give it a nudge, see what happens.

I'm not sure how you got anything else from my posts.

I've lost interest and completely forgotten conversations, I've had people stop responding to me. It happens.

The point I was making is "I'd like to get to know you" is no guarantee and it doesn't mean you're owed. There could be a million reasons why they're not responding, try not to assume the negative or you're just going to get bitter.

Sometimes people just lose interest too. Being able to accept that without talking about "ghosting" like you've been done wrong is pretty essential if you want your dating experience to be a healthy one.

Have to disagree we're saying the same thing going by your initial post and what it was suggesting he do.

Not every response needs an answer. Was "I'd love to come" the entire content of the message? She said she'd like to get to know you, so if that was it you're not really giving her much.

Chat. Ask her about the club maybe. Ask her about something on her profile. Anticipate her interests based on what you know about her and talk about something you might be mutually into. There's loads of ways to spark the conversation. Just be yourself. She's going to get to know you anyway if you meet and hit it off, so just be cool and talk how you would with your friends.

A great way to keep a conversation going is to always include a question. you need to seem interested, you need to give her a reason to reply don't just expect one.

That's suggesting just throw stuff her way and maybe something will click so she replies, not chill and give her a nudge. It's putting all the expectation to ignite conversation onto him while ignoring that two people have been engaged for a conversation to take place. Just throw shit at a board and maybe something will stick is a poor way of coming at this and a bad use of time/effort that could be better used elsewhere.

And Ghosting doesn't have to mean he did anything wrong though, it's a short way of saying they lost interest, met someone better or simply got bored. No one really wants to read they bored someone or they weren't good enough, so why put them down when they are already feeling like crap?

 

[Zakalwe]

Have to disagree we're saying the same thing going by your initial post and what it was suggesting he do.

At no point did I suggest anyone should "throw shit at the board". That's quite obviously talking about the general way to approach a conversation. It ends with the point of the post: always make sure to end the conversation with a question or ensure it keeps the rhythm of the conversation going (ie: not putting a short harp answer that doesn't require a reply).

And as his initial post (before he confirmed, yes) suggested he made a short sharp reply and was expecting an answer, you can see why I was discussing better ways to approach a conversation in general.

Then follow the conversation a little further:

"Sometime you have to give the conversation a little push. I was chatting with a girl I hit it off with and she went quiet for a few days after my last message. So I simply messaged her again and asked if she was ok. She replied almost instantly and said "yeh, sorry, I'm dealing with some difficult family issues"

Conversation goes dead, wait a few days, polite nudge.

Nothing desperate about it, and not ambiguous in my intent.

And rejection is a massive part of online dating, it sucks but it's inevitable. If you're finding it happens more often than not, then being honest and asking for advice will serve you better than a pat on the back.

 

[EchoChamber]

You want to move on.

So what are you doing to try and do that?

I don't know how exactly

 

[Miroku129]

Date tonight. Wish me luck Dating-GAF!

 

[EchoChamber]

How long did you date? How long ago was the break up?

I guess I will give I little of background, I never had a girlfriend and this was the second girl I have dated (the first one I just didn't feel it)so I got very excited and we dated and wow everything was so perfect at least for me

I didn't kiss he in the first date because I'm a wuss but I said ok the next date I will do it.
So naturally later I ask her if she want go to a bar but she said she can't because bullshit reasons but I believed her because I'm a idiot, and the next week I asked again but she said she can't because she was having a lot of tests and we'll it was true I was having a lots of tests too but I didn't care about that I just wanted to date her again.

And the next week I asked her if she wanted to go to watch a movie the weekend this time she said yes I was so happy... But later she said she couldn't go because there was going to be a concert of a band she liked thankfully she also said if I wanted to go with her obviously I say yes.

And the day comes finally but when I go there...there is is fucking best friend (her best friend is a man) so he never leave us alone all the fucking time I was with her I hated that dude that night.

But I was stupid and hopeful and so I keep her asking her out and but she keeps doing the same bullshit and one of that bullshit reason is because she is going out with a friend , my spider-sense tingled very hard but I didn't care because I liked a lot this girl.

But after trying so much I think I finally knew it was over for me but I didn't believe myself, I wanted to be with her... But later I discover she is dating a other guy I was still talking to her via WhatsApp so I asker her if she was in place x and she said yes... And ask her if she was with a dude she said yes so I finally ask her do you like him and again she said yes, so I only say to her good for you and I never answered again.

Sorry about the wall of text but I think maybe I need to vent, but maybe my error was not be so direct about my intentions? I thought I was more or less direct about that but if she could said that so easily to me maybe I was wrong so I think basically fell in the place some call the friendzone.

Maybe I was so blind that I didn't notice the red flags? I don't know but I only keep thinking what if I try it to kiss her that first date maybe she would reject me but that would be fine because I will knew the answer directly and I wouldn't feel so bad like I am right know

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

You saw her twice, and the second time even wasn't a "date". You invested way too much time and effort, and she kept brushing you off. I think she wasn't into you at all but invited you to the concert with her friend to get her point across.

It's understandable to be a little upset, but she won't be the only girl you date. Move on.

 

[Llyranor]

Echo...

1) Can you name one thing in that story of yours that ISN'T a red flag?

2) What are her qualities to make you make her so enamored by her? ("well, she's a girl" doesn't count)

3) How would you describe your self-esteem?

4) You kissing her on the first date is not important (was it even worded as being a DATE, or just "do...do... want to, like, erm, hang out...sometime? if you want, that is. I..un...understand if you don't want to"). A lot of guys don't kiss on the first date and are successful in dating. Don't overthink this point.

5) Yes, you were blind. If someone is wishy-washy with you, they are not interested. Your only mistake was not moving on early once she started popping out excuses. If someone is interested in you, they will not make up BS excuses. If someone is interested in you and genuinely busy, they will actively try to reschedule instead of giving an excuse everytime you ask. If someone is interested, they will not bring their friend to hover over you during a date (but that wasn't a date, so whatever). She actually gave a lot of signals that she wasn't interested, you just didn't pick up on them. That's fine. Just learn it for next time.

Seriously, if you were interested in someone, and she asked you out, would you come up with BS excuses?

 

[Etrian Oddity]

It's Friday, all of my friends are busy, all of the girls I was messaging earlier this week have seemingly lost interest, and I have no plans tonight. :|

Guess I'm doing the solo bar thing....

 

[Miles Quaritch]

How old are you, echo?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

It's Friday, all of my friends are busy, all of the girls I was messaging earlier this week have seemingly lost interest, and I have no plans tonight. :|

Guess I'm doing the solo bar thing....

That's not a bad thing, turn into trying to meet someone in person. Hit a few bars, keep moving and you may have some luck.

Don't see it as a negative.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

The girls you were messaging have weekend plans that don't involve you?

 

[Etrian Oddity]

The girls you were messaging have weekend plans that don't involve you?

Shocking, isn't it. It's as if they lost all interest as the weekend neared.

That's not a bad thing, turn into trying to meet someone in person. Hit a few bars, keep moving and you may have some luck.

Don't see it as a negative.

Fair enough. Generally I don't talk to others at bars though, I've grown disinterested at how damned guarded women are there. There oughta be some live music out and about, though.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Why do women with little to no dating or sexual experience keep asking me things... It's so weird, like asking me why guys have nurse fetishes and stuff... I can't explain these things to you.😂

 

[ZackieChan]

Shocking, isn't it. It's as if they lost all interest as the weekend neared.


Fair enough. Generally I don't talk to others at bars though, I've grown disinterested at how damned guarded women are there. There oughta be some live music out and about, though.

Any chance of you finding a job somewhere else and moving? Do you live in a small town or a city ?

It really sounds like you could use a change of scenery in your life.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Any chance of you finding a job somewhere else and moving? Do you live in a small town or a city ?

It really sounds like you could use a change of scenery in your life.

I live in Austin, a nice place and routinely hailed as a top-5 city for singles.

I'm just not an appealing guy to women.

Spoiler

Gay guys love me and I get hit on all the time by them, sadly I'm just not wired that way.

 

[EchoChamber]

How old are you, echo?

21 and I have almost no experience but after that vent I feel better and I think if I haven't made those mistake I will make them anyways.
Edit: thanks, I guess I need it to say to someone all of the stuff that was in my head in order to move on Neogaf is such a nice community :')

 

[ZackieChan]

21 and I have almost no experience but after that vent I feel better and I think if I haven't made those mistake I will make them anyways.
Edit: thanks, I guess I need it to say to someone all of the stuff that was in my head in order to move on Neogaf is such a nice community :')

Sounds like you need to read the two books that are constantly recommended in this thread - Models, by Mark Manson, and Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

I live in Austin, a nice place and routinely hailed as a top-5 city for singles.

I'm just not an appealing guy to women.

Spoiler

Gay guys love me and I get hit on all the time by them, sadly I'm just not wired that way.

Hmm. 90% of the time it's because you have shit photos. Do you have shit photos?

I doubt that you are irredeemably ugly. Few are. There's gotta be something you're doing wrong.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Sounds like you need to read the two books that are constantly recommended in this thread - Models, by Mark Manson, and Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari



Hmm. 90% of the time it's because you have shit photos. Do you have shit photos?

I doubt that you are irredeemably ugly. Few are. There's gotta be something you're doing wrong.

It's just as much personality than physical (though I do have some things to work on). For whatever reason I just can't emit a sex appeal, and I fear when/if I make it a point it's just creepy. Plus most women consider me boring, "nice" (how, I'll never fucking know) or immediately label me as a guy they'd only want as a friend
I'm not a handsome dude tho so that doesn't help.

 

[ZackieChan]

Well, stop being boring and nice?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

21 and I have almost no experience but after that vent I feel better and I think if I haven't made those mistake I will make them anyways.
Edit: thanks, I guess I need it to say to someone all of the stuff that was in my head in order to move on Neogaf is such a nice community :')

Listen to Zackie and read the books he's recommending.

It's just as much personality than physical (though I do have some things to work on). For whatever reason I just can't emit a sex appeal, and I fear when/if I make it a point it's just creepy. Plus most women consider me boring, "nice" (how, I'll never fucking know) or immediately label me as a guy they'd only want as a friend
I'm not a handsome dude tho so that doesn't help.

Define nice. Are you passive in your behaviour? Are you at all dominant in conversations?

What exactly are your fears with you pushing your sexuality? Why do you think it will come across as creepy? Bad past experience?

 

[GK86]

Modern Romance is a fantastic book.

 

[Leeness]

Why do women with little to no dating or sexual experience keep asking me things... It's so weird, like asking me why guys have nurse fetishes and stuff... I can't explain these things to you.😂

Gotta learn somehow.

 

[Llyranor]

21 and I have almost no experience but after that vent I feel better and I think if I haven't made those mistake I will make them anyways.
Edit: thanks, I guess I need it to say to someone all of the stuff that was in my head in order to move on Neogaf is such a nice community :')

It's fine to make mistakes! We've all been there! The important thing is to pinpoint where you went wrong and try not to repeat them!

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Well, stop being boring and nice?

That's the thing, I'm not nice. In fact I'm a pretty big dick that's stubborn and know what I want and how to follow it.

How I get pegged as "sweet" I have no fucking clue.

:: edit ::

What exactly are your fears with you pushing your sexuality? Why do you think it will come across as creepy? Bad past experience?

Not finding a girl who's been receptive to it when I've tried, for one. I"m not talking random girls or acquaintances, I'm talking girls who flirt with me and/or I take them out.

 

[War Peaceman]

Modern Romance is a fantastic book.

Told y'all!

It is not one of these creepy dating tips books I often see recommended in here.

 

[EchoChamber]

Oh ok I see I will read them, I will not try to be like those gaffers who don't listen to advice .

 

[Jhoan]

If many of you guys have had a string of bad luck with dates/think you have it bad, you guys should see my good friend; dude has never on a date in his life and he's my age, has been overthinking about asking a girl he like out for drinks to oblivion, and wallows in self-loathing about not having done it by calling himself pathetic. I've tried being the good friend that I am and have given him tons of advice and even tough love as well as The Game by Neil Strauss as a present but dude's stubborn as an ass that won't move for crap when it comes to taking any of my advice.

When he wonders why I've been getting dates and he hasn't, I always tell him that it's because I used to be like him; super nerdy (still nerdy but not neon sign nerdy), very shy, afraid of girls, a virgin (I told him it's not a big deal to be a virgin in your late 20s) and had low self-esteem. Then one day I went on a date and while there wasn't any chemistry, one date became many, and experience was gained. I became more confident all the while working on myself. Also, reading Shyness by Philip Zimbardo helped me overcome my self-esteem issues. So yeah guys, there's always people who have it much, much worse so be thankful.

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

So like I've been on 8 or so dates with my current girl now. She hasn't brought up anything about relationships yet which I'm happy for. At the same time though j think we both view each other as kinda exclusive. I don't plan on bringing it up, mainly because I like being single. Just riding it and seeing where it goes haha. Really feeing good though

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Gotta learn somehow.

Haha, definitely but it's someone who was always really private and would get mad or upset when people would talk about sex and stuff and it's just like how do I explain this to you? I don't think I can without you getting mad. Also, all the people who ask me stuff, like this try too hard to make it black and white and get mad at me when I try to tell them it's not. Like I honestly don't know why people are so into the nurse fetish, I'm not but they'll take it as it's those weird guys who are into that. And it's sweet that they apparently view my opinion that highly or whatever but I'm not trying to speak for all men lol.

A large part of it too was I was so bad at dating and stuff for so long that it's weird/funny to me to have people coming to me for advice for god know whatever reason. :lol

 

[Blitzrules240]

Ok, I think I'm starting to have it with this bullshit.

So on this site Badoo (where apparently you gotta be certified and everything, one of the top sites apparently) I was talking to this girl and she was in town for the weekend and I'm thinking "oh shit, a legit hookup" and then it turns into this whole "wanna watch my cam show" and I'm like god dammit it's a fucking scam. OF COURSE they want your credit card info to make a "free account" so sorry neckbeard dude, not falling for your shit. Unfriended, blocked and reported.

Similar thing happened today with a different girl, she was also really delayed in responses, she wanted to add me on facebook and I put two and two together. I was in for another scam. In closing, fuck Badoo and fuck these assholes who pose as women and then want you to watch a cam show just to get your credit card info.

Online dating is such bullshit.

I need to just meet a girl at the bar or something.

Yeah, I know I shouldn't be getting this worked up about this but this is some fucking bullshit and these bastards should be arrested for fraud.

 

[Makonero]

Ok, I think I'm starting to have it with this bullshit.

So on this site Badoo (where apparently you gotta be certified and everything, one of the top sites apparently) I was talking to this girl and she was in town for the weekend and I'm thinking "oh shit, a legit hookup" and then it turns into this whole "wanna watch my cam show" and I'm like god dammit it's a fucking scam. OF COURSE they want your credit card info to make a "free account" so sorry neckbeard dude, not falling for your shit. Unfriended, blocked and reported.

Similar thing happened today with a different girl, she was also really delayed in responses, she wanted to add me on facebook and I put two and two together. I was in for another scam. In closing, fuck Badoo and fuck these assholes who pose as women and then want you to watch a cam show just to get your credit card info.

Online dating is such bullshit.

I need to just meet a girl at the bar or something.

Yeah, I know I shouldn't be getting this worked up about this but this is some fucking bullshit and these bastards should be arrested for fraud.

I've never heard of anyone using Badoo. I always thought it was a scam site.

 

[Blitzrules240]

I've never heard of anyone using Badoo. I always thought it was a scam site.

Well, lesson learned. I don't even know what sites to trust now lol.

 

[jdstorm]

It's just as much personality than physical (though I do have some things to work on). For whatever reason I just can't emit a sex appeal, and I fear when/if I make it a point it's just creepy. Plus most women consider me boring, "nice" (how, I'll never fucking know) or immediately label me as a guy they'd only want as a friend
I'm not a handsome dude tho so that doesn't help.

Sounds like you need to do some self improvement. Interesting means a lot of things to different people, most people respond best to self confidence and passion. Two things you seem to be lacking.

My advice try doing something you've always wanted to do but never tried this/next weekend. Go with a friend who can take photos with your phone if you have one. All next week you will feel confident because you just reminded yourself that you are awesome. You will have a cool recent story to tell others, and people online will notice that you have new photos. (Pick something broad that others will enjoy talking about. It's less likely someone online or at a bar will be interested in a model train collection ect)

Edit: sometimes getting "friend zoned" is a girls way of telling you she thinks you're a dick. Start not being a dick and actually be nice. Be interested in the women you talk to not as a stepping stone to sex but because they are interesting people worth knowing. Be upfront about your intentions and if no woman you talk to is interested. Just keep asking more women. Different women. eventually you will find someone who is interested in dating you

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Sounds like you need to do some self improvement. Interesting means a lot of things to different people, most people respond best to self confidence and passion. Two things you seem to be lacking.

My advice try doing something you've always wanted to do but never tried this/next weekend. Go with a friend who can take photos with your phone if you have one. All next week you will feel confident because you just reminded yourself that you are awesome. You will have a cool recent story to tell others, and people online will notice that you have new photos. (Pick something broad that others will enjoy talking about. It's less likely someone online or at a bar will be interested in a model train collection ect)

Edit: sometimes getting "friend zoned" is a girls way of telling you she thinks you're a dick. Start not being a dick and actually be nice. Be interested in the women you talk to not as a stepping stone to sex but because they are interesting people worth knowing. Be upfront about your intentions and if no woman you talk to is interested. Just keep asking more women. Different women. eventually you will find someone who is interested in dating you

I mean, I'll concede when it comes to women self-confidence is an issue. But not passion. I'm a chef, you don't leave a "good" job or drop out of college like I did to pursue something like cooking unless you love it with every fiber of your being. And I'm a supervisor in my department, so leadership and a confident aura are a requirement. (My subordinates are fiercely loyal to me, so that has to matter for something.)

There's just something genuinely unattractive about me that I just can't pinpoint. I understand "keep approaching more women," but good god, I'm 27 and never been intimate in my life. I meet at least three new women every day. Statistically, you don't go 0-for for that long a time unless you have a serious flaw. None of my friends can suggest (or want to admit) what I need to fix. It's getting darkly close to the point of no return.

 

[Blitzrules240]

Well seems like I've rebounded with a Tinder girl, now to see if we ever get past the app and into the meet up. Seems like there's mutual attraction/interest but I'll play it safe for now.

 

[ZackieChan]

Well seems like I've rebounded with a Tinder girl, now to see if we ever get past the app and into the meet up. Seems like there's mutual attraction/interest but I'll play it safe for now.

No offense, but it sounds like you have a terrible attitude. 2 scams on a scammy-ass app (seriously, look at the thing, it looks like it was created to take your money and the people on it aren't much better), and you're ready to give up on online dating? You don't even know if the second one was actually a scam.

Tinder is fine. OKCupid is fine. Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, Happn, TanTan...there's bunch of them. Or, do like you've said and meet people in real life. But don't go into this with a huge chip on your shoulder. It's extremely unattractive to women and it makes us not want to help you.

 

[jdstorm]

I mean, I'll concede when it comes to women self-confidence is an issue. But not passion. I'm a chef, you don't leave a "good" job or drop out of college like I did to pursue something like cooking unless you love it with every fiber of your being. And I'm a supervisor in my department, so leadership and a confident aura are a requirement. (My subordinates are fiercely loyal to me, so that has to matter for something.)

There's just something genuinely unattractive about me that I just can't pinpoint. I understand "keep approaching more women," but good god, I'm 27 and never been intimate in my life. I meet at least three new women every day. Statistically, you don't go 0-for for that long a time unless you have a serious flaw. None of my friends can suggest (or want to admit) what I need to fix. It's getting darkly close to the point of no return.

Lol. I almost suggested to take a cooking class. Being able to cook is a great dating skill.

From this reply I have more questions than answers.
1. What's your dating endgame. Do you want casual hookups or something meaningful and long term.
2. Why do you want to date? Is it because you just want to screw someone, to get it over and done with (that's pretty easy to fix) is it because you think that's a key part of having fun. ( it isn't bad sex can be horrible and just as soul crushing as perpetual singledom) or is it because you want to share your life with someone?

Start thinking about who you are as a person. Women love people of all different shapes and size. So stop telling yourself you are ugly. You are some girls dream guy. Buy some new clothes, eat better, exercise more. Lie to yourself. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel like the attractive sexy desirable gentleman you wish to be.

If you are frustrated. Take a break. Get happy. Dating can wait. Enjoy the company of your friends. Go to concerts, sporting events meuseams whatever you are into (and take lots of photos). Broaden your interests.

As for any personality flaw. I don't know you so I can't really comment. However in this comment you came across agressive and you overshared. A stranger you barely know doesn't need to know the risks you take to follow your dream. A better response would be

Q: What are you passionate about?
A: I'm a chef. I love cooking then talk about what you love about it. Is it French food, crossiants, hearty stews, cream caramels. Italian pastas, pizza, wine. Spicy food ect
There are heaps of cute women who would describe themselves as foodies who would love to date a guy who just gave that answer

 

[Dylan Sexbang]

Hearing Maddox talk about self defeating thoughts for the second time, I started forcing confident thoughts. Made a POF account two hours ago, and shot out more messages to more females than I have ever before. Not gonna let failure get to me, failure just means more opportunity. Right?

Worst case scenario I'm meeting up with a tabletop group tomorrow, so at least I have that to look forward to!

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Etrian, no offence by any of this okay...

Reading your posts, a few things immediately leap off the screen. There's a sense of desperation. Things like point of no return, you mentioning your age as if it's a negative, etc. You don't have to have had sex or had a girlfriend by a certain age before it's too late. You're approaching dating in a pretty desperate way which is no doubt being amplified when you're on dates, which is probably why you're not getting anywhere.

I also feel there's a sense of entitlement going on. They flirted with me but it never went anywhere, even after going on dates. Flirting doesn't really matter, it's not a sign that someone definitely likes you or wants to bang you or be intimate with you. Some people flirt because they like the attention, some do it unwittingly because they are naturally friendly and others do it because they like you but then something about your character/behaviour turns them off (which could the desperation that I feel is pretty strong with some of your posts).

I also wonder if what you're seeing it flirting or people just being nice. Your possible desperation to get things done before it's too late is making you see things that aren't always there.

You're a chef, so you're naturally confident to some degree otherwise I doubt you'd get anywhere in that profession, turn some of that confidence towards your dating. When you go on dates, don't keep thinking about you have to make this work because time is running out, focus on having fun and don't give too much thought to whether it will go anywhere or not until you know you actually like the person and you go on the second/third date...

Just some observations, I could be wrong but that's how I'm reading some of your posts.

You need to drop the idea of things are reaching the point of no return, it reeks of desperation and you could very well be subconsciously sabotaging yourself because of it.

 

[Blitzrules240]

No offense, but it sounds like you have a terrible attitude. 2 scams on a scammy-ass app (seriously, look at the thing, it looks like it was created to take your money and the people on it aren't much better), and you're ready to give up on online dating? You don't even know if the second one was actually a scam.

Tinder is fine. OKCupid is fine. Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, Happn, TanTan...there's bunch of them. Or, do like you've said and meet people in real life. But don't go into this with a huge chip on your shoulder. It's extremely unattractive to women and it makes us not want to help you.

I kinda meant I was done with Badoo, which I am but yeah, I apologize for my attitude, I'll try to buck up and stay positive. I just think it's bullshit that people do that to other people but then again, the internet can be a vile place at times.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I kinda meant I was done with Badoo, which I am but yeah, I apologize for my attitude, I'll try to buck up and stay positive. I just think it's bullshit that people do that to other people but then again, the internet can be a vile place at times.

Maybe don't get so invested in conversations? I don't know why you'd get so upset about something like this, so what if she was a cammer? You talked for how long? Ten minutes before she dropped the cam bomb?

It's not some huge deal. You'll also come across people who catfish, people who lie about everything and lots more beside, you need to learn to not get upset over these things if you're going to continue using online dating sites/apps.

 

[ZackieChan]

I kinda meant I was done with Badoo, which I am but yeah, I apologize for my attitude, I'll try to buck up and stay positive. I just think it's bullshit that people do that to other people but then again, the internet can be a vile place at times.

Someone lied...on the internet???

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Someone lied...on the internet???

This must be a new phenomenon. Let's call it the Blitzrule gambit.

 

[Lazy]

I've become very close with this girl that lives abroad. We hung out a bit prior to her leaving, however, that was at a time when she was still getting over her ex. Before either of us can be sure about anything, however, we have to hang out a lot more (obviously). The dynamic may be much different in person than it is over text. That being said, we have both admitted to having feelings for each other and are both looking forward to her return, which will be this fall. Lets call her Ann.

There's another girl I was seeing last year - we went out on about 10 dates, but nothing official materialized. That being said, we are very good friends and I care for her. At times, she passes hints that she might want more than friendship (I think) but overall I don't know where she stands in terms of us getting into a relationship. However, she hasn't made any moves and I don't plan to until I know where things stand with Ann. Lets call this girl Sarah.

My question is: should I tell Sarah about Ann? I think Sarah is unsure how she feels about me - sometimes she sees us more as friends, other times only as friends. I feel like Sarah should know that I am talking to Ann. That being said, Ann could come back here and it may fall flat on my face if we don't have a connection. If I mention Ann to Sarah, I wonder if I am blowing any future possibilities with Sarah.

I want to be a good guy, without shooting myself in the foot.