Miles Quaritch
Member
You're not writing songs, so you're doing better than some.
I love you really, Ray!
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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You're not writing songs, so you're doing better than some.
I love you really, Ray!
Miles Quaritch
Member
Fantastic, really happy to see you out there with dates lined up.
Also had to look up what Jack in the Box was. So, um, at least you know she's not high maintenance and enjoys the real simple things in life. Oh and croissants with egg and bacon filling? Jesus Christ, I'm going to be sick.
So I went on that date today anyway, and she seems really happy that I took her out to sail in a boat she could control herself too. We ate Chinese food as well. She also don't go to church either, like my last one started to do. I also got fined $112 for having the wrong ticket on me on the train. 
It was a calm and nice date actually.
It was a calm and nice date actually.
Hey there, Dating-Gaf,
It's been one month since I've split with my ex of 3,5 years. We should have ended it a lot sooner, because she wasn't at all ready for anything serious and too insecure about her body and personality. And daddy issues. Her father was an ass and she never learned to give and show love. I was idiotic enough to put a lot of work and care in the relationship..
Now I'm pretty happy this toxic mess is over and I'm looking forward to being single. I'm generally a positive and happy person, so I'd love to meet girls who reflect that! Have some fun..
But I must say, that this ordeal took a toll on my self-confidence. Last time we attempted to have sex about a year ago she ended up crying. Endless months of rejections followed, when I wanted to engage sexy time. She said it wasn't my fault. And I do know this wasn't my fault, but sheesh does a crying girl after sex dampen ones mojo.
I'm now nervous as fuck, when I think about having sex with another girl.
I've just turned 26, I'm not a bad looking guy, I'm hitting the gym thrice a week and I generally don't have any problems talking to girls... in fact, most of my friends are female.
I tried Tinder and Lovoo over the last weeks, just swiping, and got 3 matches and 30 matches respectively (120 Matchvotes on Lovoo). Pretty good for someone, who didn't put any effort in putting up a proper profile, eh?
However, I couldn't find the courage to engage in a conversation yet. There's that unexplainable nagging insecure feeling my ex planted deep within me. Insecurity is a bitch.
So yes, that's me. It's really nice to read all your experiences, they are encouraging.
Best advice for my situation would be starting chats and going on dates, dates, dates, wouldn't it?
TLDR: 3,5 year relationship over, ex was an insecure mess, now I'm insecure too. But fuck it, I want to meet new girls and have some fun!
It's been one month since I've split with my ex of 3,5 years. We should have ended it a lot sooner, because she wasn't at all ready for anything serious and too insecure about her body and personality. And daddy issues. Her father was an ass and she never learned to give and show love. I was idiotic enough to put a lot of work and care in the relationship..
Now I'm pretty happy this toxic mess is over and I'm looking forward to being single. I'm generally a positive and happy person, so I'd love to meet girls who reflect that! Have some fun..
But I must say, that this ordeal took a toll on my self-confidence. Last time we attempted to have sex about a year ago she ended up crying. Endless months of rejections followed, when I wanted to engage sexy time. She said it wasn't my fault. And I do know this wasn't my fault, but sheesh does a crying girl after sex dampen ones mojo.
I'm now nervous as fuck, when I think about having sex with another girl.
I've just turned 26, I'm not a bad looking guy, I'm hitting the gym thrice a week and I generally don't have any problems talking to girls... in fact, most of my friends are female.
I tried Tinder and Lovoo over the last weeks, just swiping, and got 3 matches and 30 matches respectively (120 Matchvotes on Lovoo). Pretty good for someone, who didn't put any effort in putting up a proper profile, eh?
However, I couldn't find the courage to engage in a conversation yet. There's that unexplainable nagging insecure feeling my ex planted deep within me. Insecurity is a bitch.
So yes, that's me. It's really nice to read all your experiences, they are encouraging.
Best advice for my situation would be starting chats and going on dates, dates, dates, wouldn't it?
TLDR: 3,5 year relationship over, ex was an insecure mess, now I'm insecure too. But fuck it, I want to meet new girls and have some fun!
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yes, go on dates but don't force yourself to move things forward before you're ready. See them as exercises to build up your confidence rather than have an expectation of them going anywhere right now.
Saying that, don't shut down opportunities for anything either. Try to avoid early investment, this might be hard because you've just come out of a long relationship and with you feeling insecure it'll be easy to become attached to the first person who shows some interest, but don't become too attached to anyone right now. You need to take time to rebuild your confidence and regain some emotional independence and jumping into a relationship too soon will make that much harder.
Have fun and always keep in the mind the past is the past and no matter what happened, it's not going to define who you are working towards becoming now or have an impact on your future prospects.
Saying that, don't shut down opportunities for anything either. Try to avoid early investment, this might be hard because you've just come out of a long relationship and with you feeling insecure it'll be easy to become attached to the first person who shows some interest, but don't become too attached to anyone right now. You need to take time to rebuild your confidence and regain some emotional independence and jumping into a relationship too soon will make that much harder.
Have fun and always keep in the mind the past is the past and no matter what happened, it's not going to define who you are working towards becoming now or have an impact on your future prospects.
I also think I can use that advice. Also came out of a 4 year relationship four months ago, and went on my first date today since then, and it was very nice but I don't think I'm ready to commit to something yet, and I need to remind myself that it is okay, and I don't have to hurry back into a relationship, just because my ex did.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yup. never compare your progress to your ex or anyone else. Everyone moves at their own pace, but that's also not a licence to wallow in self pity. Just make sure you're taking steps to get back into dating and bettering yourself.
It's definitely a fine line (one I've fallen on the wrong side of before), but it's good to see both yourself and Wurst are walking on the right side and not falling into the depressive spiral lots of people can fall into.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Yup Jackie, was right. We're just friends. It's probably better off that way.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Sometimes I feel like I could use a solid female friend and maybe meet new girls through her or seduce her myself eventually. I mean I have I'd say two legit female friends, including one I have legit feelings for but she says she doesn't date her friends so I've never pursued her further. Anyways, I'd stick with her and see if you can change her mind or meet her friends and go from there.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Have you considered joining a few groups via Meetup? Maybe just to make friends and get out more without any stress of trying to impress someone? I used it for a time, met some really cool people through going to some events.
Better to find out sooner rather than later right? And you seem to be taking it well, so maybe deep down you knew it wasn't really going anywhere...
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Did you ask her out?
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
Asked a girl I had class with on the last day (I know) but she said yes and was down to meet up for drinks on Saturday. Two days later I texted her saying if we were still on for that weekend. No response.
24 hours later she tells me she's camping for the weekend and said don't ask why or how but was down for the next weekend.
I wonder why I'm so cautiously optimistic about this entire ordeal.
I fully expect to see her and her friends on "the night out" and I will just hold that L. Guess I just wasn't clear enough.
24 hours later she tells me she's camping for the weekend and said don't ask why or how but was down for the next weekend.
I wonder why I'm so cautiously optimistic about this entire ordeal.
I fully expect to see her and her friends on "the night out" and I will just hold that L. Guess I just wasn't clear enough.
Miles Quaritch
Member
She offered another day to meet, so it's not all bad. A shred of hope but no reason to just wait and see what happens...ask others out, explore other opportunities.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Just got shot down, pretty much what I was expecting but at least I asked.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Well done on asking. It's not a failure, it's a step towards becoming even more confident.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Should I be concerned I only have had two Tinder matches so far and neither is being responsive.
I took your advice btw ZackieChan but she hasn't responded but I'll give it time, I said "let's hangout next weekend, watch Rick and Morty and chill, etc" Took initiative, and made the plans for us, etc.
Also do any of you unmatch with girls after a certain time or just stay matched and keep them on the afterburner.
I took your advice btw ZackieChan but she hasn't responded but I'll give it time, I said "let's hangout next weekend, watch Rick and Morty and chill, etc" Took initiative, and made the plans for us, etc.
Also do any of you unmatch with girls after a certain time or just stay matched and keep them on the afterburner.
Miles Quaritch
Member
When did you join Tinder?
And don't unmatch, women generally get lots and lots of matches and messages, so you need to be patient sometimes.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Eh this isn't my first roundabout with Tinder. I've been one of those "uninstall and reinstall" guys. I joined Tinder this week but like I've said, not my first time. My bio states I'm looking for something casaul so maybe that's against me. Maybe it's polarizing but I guess it will help find the girls looking for the same thing.
All I know is I'm done being a defeatist.
Blitzrules240
Banned
I guess I'll just post my bio for you.
I could get rid of the top line and the casual mention but I don't want to deceive some girl looking for her future husband.
Comments? Criticism? Everyone?
I'll take brutal honesty. I'm not the best bio maker.
Just had a break up. Not really looking for help on this, just some place to vent. I'm not angry. Just sad. I miss her.
It was very fast though but not fast enough that I didn't fall head over heels. She's dealing with some serious depression issues and needed to step away from a relationship. She tells me I'm the best boyfriend she ever had. In all aspects of how she was treated and how she was loved to how her son and I got a long.
Talking to her yesterday was like something robotic. But she warned me she was shot emotionally and I could easily hear that in her words. Nothing mean. Nothing hurtful. Just empty.
I'm sad that we're likely done. That she probably won't come back to me. I'm sad I can't help her through all of this.
This one is going to be a tough one to come back from.
It was very fast though but not fast enough that I didn't fall head over heels. She's dealing with some serious depression issues and needed to step away from a relationship. She tells me I'm the best boyfriend she ever had. In all aspects of how she was treated and how she was loved to how her son and I got a long.
Talking to her yesterday was like something robotic. But she warned me she was shot emotionally and I could easily hear that in her words. Nothing mean. Nothing hurtful. Just empty.
I'm sad that we're likely done. That she probably won't come back to me. I'm sad I can't help her through all of this.
This one is going to be a tough one to come back from.
Miles Quaritch
Member
I'm sure lots of people on tinder are over the "dating bullshit". Make your bio more fun, exciting and less negative/bitter.
Drop the casual part. Even if someone is only after something casual, it's better to let these things happen after you meet and progress naturally.
Get rid of "Kinda over the dating bullshit", as it makes you sound bitter about dating, and the last line, since it makes you sound like you just want booty.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Solid advice. I'll go change it up and see if that helps. Thanks fellas.
So it's basically gonna be the fun sounding date bio minus the bitter and horniness lol
So it's basically gonna be the fun sounding date bio minus the bitter and horniness lol
I think, by default, people assume you are on Tinder looking for something casual. If the other person isn't looking for that, they usually state it in their bio ("if you are looking for a hookup, swipe left.", "not here for a one night stand", "looking for something serious.", etc). It is good that you don't want to mislead anyone, but don't blast that fact in your bio.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
When you're on every major dating site, going out to bars regularly, and are still getting zero interest
Hey im not a girl, but anybody who watches Bob's Burger is good by me.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Yeah, it's a always nice to meet other women you have a lot in common with. This person right here I would have met eventually; since we share some of the same friends/
Years ago I would've been bitter.
Yup.
She'd rather us hang out as friends though. Which is what we did this weekend at that convention.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
That was creepy to read
Blitzrules240
Banned
It's a classic "nice guy Backdoor gambit" if you just want to be friends and something develops. Cool. But if you are being friends with someone just to try and catch them on the rebound it's gross.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
I'd like that.
Blitzrules240
Banned
The first option. I'm not a creep or anything.
ZackieChan
Member
99.9% of the time it won't happen. It's a terrible strategy if you actually want to find a relationship.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Better make a move then.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I thought you already did...
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
I mean next time with a different chick.
Just had the first worst date ever I think!
I sort of had a feeling that she would look different from her pictures, so when that reality hit I wasn't that surprised, but we were an awful match personality wise too. We couldn't connect on much and I felt like she was constantly talking over me, or half listening to me. We seemed to have some text banter but that doesn't always translate into conversational compatibility.
Given the context of how we met, if we were both up for it she'd be staying over now, but (luckily, in a way) I think she wanted to get out of there as much as I did.
Have high hopes for the other dates I have scheduled for next week though. Taking one to this new craft beer bar/mecca that should be fun, we have a lot of shared interests and what seems like a similar sense of humor, which is a good sign IMO. Another is showing me around her area (a part of the state I'm not very far from but haven't really visited) which will be informative if nothing else.
Also it's funny reading old posts I made in this thread; I actually messaged the girl I referenced in third part of the below post the other day, asking if she'd be down for a re-do. She's a bit of a homebody and that put me off originally, but I think I'm looking for something like that now. She said "Yeah, maybe, but you were kind of a dick, awkwardly bailing and then not offering me a ride home when I was walking through a dodgy-ish neighborhood in a dress." She did say she thought it went well though, which is suppose why she responded, because taken in isolation that comment would indicate something like a deal breaker.
She's big into yoga so if we do meet up again I think it'll be yoga in the morning and lunch afterward.
I sort of had a feeling that she would look different from her pictures, so when that reality hit I wasn't that surprised, but we were an awful match personality wise too. We couldn't connect on much and I felt like she was constantly talking over me, or half listening to me. We seemed to have some text banter but that doesn't always translate into conversational compatibility.
Given the context of how we met, if we were both up for it she'd be staying over now, but (luckily, in a way) I think she wanted to get out of there as much as I did.
Have high hopes for the other dates I have scheduled for next week though. Taking one to this new craft beer bar/mecca that should be fun, we have a lot of shared interests and what seems like a similar sense of humor, which is a good sign IMO. Another is showing me around her area (a part of the state I'm not very far from but haven't really visited) which will be informative if nothing else.
Also it's funny reading old posts I made in this thread; I actually messaged the girl I referenced in third part of the below post the other day, asking if she'd be down for a re-do. She's a bit of a homebody and that put me off originally, but I think I'm looking for something like that now. She said "Yeah, maybe, but you were kind of a dick, awkwardly bailing and then not offering me a ride home when I was walking through a dodgy-ish neighborhood in a dress." She did say she thought it went well though, which is suppose why she responded, because taken in isolation that comment would indicate something like a deal breaker.
She's big into yoga so if we do meet up again I think it'll be yoga in the morning and lunch afterward.
Hi GAF, I need some advice here.
I don't know whether this is the correct thread or not. If it's not, then just ignore this post.
So I'm a newlywed, I got married in March and things been truly hard in these recent months. I caught my wife cheats on me last week and now I'm truly a mess and don't know where I can get some feedback.
Right after we get married, my wife got assigned to a new product launch project and she's been very busy. I kinda get neglected and she often refused to have sex since she said that she was very exhausted with this project. I don't have any problem with that and continue to support her the best that I could.
During this time she starts to get secretive and she often told me to go have some fun with my friends (I often refuse my friends invitation to go out after I got married). She also often didn't allow me to see her phone when she use it. She's like "hey gimme some privacy here" and I'm still okay with that.
One day I was curious and I checked her phone when she's in the bath and I found that she's romantically texting one of her co-worker. I was crushed. I confront her about it and she said that it was just a fling and nothing more. She says that she didn't get sexually involved with him. And when I asked her why, she said that she get bored of our relationship. She said that she loves me and would never want to leave me.
I mean if you can't commit to your husband then why bother get married? I know she was also pressured by her family to get married since she gets older (common in my country). But if you dont feels like committing to it then why bother?
I still love her, and I said I would give her another chance. Is it wise? Am I being stupid here? Please give me your feedback. Thanks.
I don't know whether this is the correct thread or not. If it's not, then just ignore this post.
So I'm a newlywed, I got married in March and things been truly hard in these recent months. I caught my wife cheats on me last week and now I'm truly a mess and don't know where I can get some feedback.
Right after we get married, my wife got assigned to a new product launch project and she's been very busy. I kinda get neglected and she often refused to have sex since she said that she was very exhausted with this project. I don't have any problem with that and continue to support her the best that I could.
During this time she starts to get secretive and she often told me to go have some fun with my friends (I often refuse my friends invitation to go out after I got married). She also often didn't allow me to see her phone when she use it. She's like "hey gimme some privacy here" and I'm still okay with that.
One day I was curious and I checked her phone when she's in the bath and I found that she's romantically texting one of her co-worker. I was crushed. I confront her about it and she said that it was just a fling and nothing more. She says that she didn't get sexually involved with him. And when I asked her why, she said that she get bored of our relationship. She said that she loves me and would never want to leave me.
I mean if you can't commit to your husband then why bother get married? I know she was also pressured by her family to get married since she gets older (common in my country). But if you dont feels like committing to it then why bother?
I still love her, and I said I would give her another chance. Is it wise? Am I being stupid here? Please give me your feedback. Thanks.
ZackieChan
Member
How long was the relationship prior to getting married? This is supremely fucked up.
Is there some time limit where you can take back the marriage? Seems like a bad idea.
Is there some time limit where you can take back the marriage? Seems like a bad idea.
We've been together for 3 and a half years. she's very nice in those years and never would I thought that she will do this to me.
Nope, I am not able to cancel it.
ZackieChan
Member
That really sucks. I'm sorry, man. Maybe go to counseling?
Miles Quaritch
Member
To become 'bored' or feel the urge to cheat so early into a marriage (even if you've been together for three years prior), is a major red flag and one you cannot ignore by going to counselling.
Suggests she's always seeking something 'new' and this will continue to be a major problem going forward. Sure, she loves you and never wants to leave you, but you're the safe option. The one who doesn't rock the boat, supports her, etc.
Are you comfortable being the safe option? The one she always says she loves but then chases after new experiences at a whim...
Suggests she's always seeking something 'new' and this will continue to be a major problem going forward. Sure, she loves you and never wants to leave you, but you're the safe option. The one who doesn't rock the boat, supports her, etc.
Are you comfortable being the safe option? The one she always says she loves but then chases after new experiences at a whim...
Thanks guys
I'm sad to report that Sunday's date did not go well. When I was getting ready for the date, the only thing that was going through my head was how much I hated my ex (who broke up with me 2 weeks ago), so i wasn't fun during the date, and I took the date too serious. Convo was alright, but after the 2 hour mark, her friend comes by and tells my date that her phone died, but that she is here. So my date tells her friend (female) that we'll be done in 20 min. I went to the bathroom while they were talking bc I had to pee soooooooooo bad. So 2 min later, after I come back from the restroom, my date says she is ready to go. She pays for her, I pay for me, she gets up, tells me it was nice meeting me and leaves. Got me down a little, but I kinda realized what I did, and called my friends to tell them not to let me talk about my ex anymore, bc it's been 2 weeks and there is nothing more I can say and I'd be just repeating myself and bringing up old shit
I ran in to a problem, so my Monday date (jack in the box girl). I went to read her Okcupid profile again, and her account has been disabled. I haven't talked to her since Thursday, but as of 1:30 am Sunday, her profile was still active. I found this out 2 hours ago (11:30 pm), so it's too late to text her tonight, but I'm gonna text her late morning tomorrow to make sure everything is still on for Monday, but this has me super worried now
I kinda felt like that right now. I'm just the spare tires that will always be there for her. I have a condition with her that if any of this shit happens again then we're done for good. Maybe I'm in denial because we've just married for 3 months. But I love her still and I'm torn. I don't know I just can think straight right now.
AlephAlpha
Member
So you gave her a free "get out of jail" card for something that had serious impact on what should be the foundation of every relationship, namely trust.
Look at this from this perspective: You are willing to give her a chance because you see her and the marriage as something important and special. What do you think she thinks of that marriage when she does shit like that?
Don't allow this even once.
Wow. Thats a rocky start. Head straight to marriage counselling. It's definitely salvageable since you both love each other but it's going to take some serious work
In answer to your question Yes you are being an idiot being in a healthy relationship means you should be an individual and you should have fun with your friends. You were being draining by constantly refusing to have fun with friends. You violated her privacy and she violated your trust. Neither of you did the right thing here. However if you both love each other the growing pains might be worth working through.
Alternatively getting a divorce before things get worse is also a great idea. But see a counseller
Moff
Member
first of all do not make the mistake and cancel on your friends, I made that mistake, I was not married but I lived with a woman for 8 years and when we broke up it left me in a bad place. And I do think that her becoming bored with you (you, not your relationship) is actually the same problem. do not make the mistake and support her all the time and neglect yourself, you need to support yourself as well. otherwise she will take you for granted and in the process lose respect for you. you need to be a desirable man who can take care of himself, not a dog that follows her around and fulfills all her wishes.
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