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[jaekeem]

The OP said his girl couldn't remember saying those things. Some of you act like you are angels and have never done or said anything bad when drunk. We've all been there at some point in our lives. And if you haven't yet, then you will some day (as long as you actually drink).

With some of the responses in this thread you'd think she went and fucked some other guy after he declined.

Bruh, there's a clear fucking difference between doing dumb shit while drunk and straight up talking shit to your significant other after they asked you to stop, all the while demanding sex after it all and insulting them again when they tell you that they feel uncomfortable.

Like jesus fucking christ. If that was a man treating a woman like that I don't think a single fucking one of you would be responding to OP with "AHH PEOPLE DO DRUNK SHIT EVERY NOW AND THEN, IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT OR LOOK PAST IT YOU'RE OVERREACTING".

No. We've all done dumb shit while shitfaced (if you've drunk enough). But publicly disrespecting your partner is a fucking line that I will never tolerate, personally speaking. If anyone ever treated me like that and wasn't fully apologetic/willing to change the behavior that led to it after-the-fact then I would walk. There are too many attractive, intelligent, and kind women in the world to waste time on someone that immature and senseless.

Unless OP was being a complete fuckface while they were pregaming, or something to even remotely justify this kind of treatment, his girlfriend was completely and unequivocally in the wrong, and not in a way that you just chuckle off as some normative thing that we all go through as adults in the dating world.

 

[DJKhaled]

No one has said this

You've been doing it the whole thread to me. You are telling me my relationship is terrible because we have arguments and we don't live in a world where everyone is perfect.

 

[Resilient]

dude isn't even giving her a chance to make amends, which is what the true problem is right now. just ready to bail out and leave. I want someone to show me a relationship with no baggage like this ever happening. and..nobody will be able to.

 

[Exodust]

if you can barely handle being called bitch once, well...

 

[akira28]

Yes, let's hope everyone that isn't saying DUMP HER NOW get's banned, that's how we promote discussion and help OP. I think the people saying that he shouldn't deny sex and all that are pretty fucked up, but just for disagreeing with him for wanting an echo chamber shouldn't be bannable.

heeheehee, Khaled you're too jacked in. If anyone, he wuold be calling for those saying he's a biicth to be banned. You're taking it all too hard.

 

[GhostWriter24]

if youc an barely handle being called bitch once, well...

Once? I mean...what??

 

[Byakuya769]

dude isn't even giving her a chance to make amends, which is what the true problem is right now. just ready to bail out and leave. I want someone to show me a relationship with no baggage like this ever happening. and..nobody will be able to.

Mine.

 

[Sickboy007]

The OP said his girl couldn't remember saying those things. Some of you act like you are angels and have never done or said anything bad when drunk. We've all been there at some point in our lives. And if you haven't yet, then you will some day (as long as you actually drink).

With some of the responses in this thread you'd think she went and fucked some other guy after he declined.

Girl says she doesn't remember telling him to fuck off, get it right! Personally I have been a bad drunk on occasions when I was younger (jealousy tirades), sometimes I was forgiven and sometimes people rightly told me to fuck off. I'm still ashamed of some of the things I've said.

I wouldn't blame anyone who decides that they can't take the abuse, however minor you think it is.

 

[ScatheZombie]

No one has said this.

You've been shit-talking and personally attacking other posters the entire thread, man. At least some of us have the decency to limit that shit to the OP.

Look, I get it, you talk to your SO like I talk to my grandmother. Not everyone does. I would say most people don't. It doesn't make their relationships abusive or 'train wrecks' either.

 

[Trident]

Bruh, there's a clear fucking difference between doing dumb shit while drunk and straight up talking shit to your significant other after they asked you to stop, all the while demanding sex after it all and insulting them again when they tell you that they feel uncomfortable.

Like jesus fucking christ. If that was a man treating a woman like that I don't think a single fucking one of you would be responding to OP with "AHH PEOPLE DO DRUNK SHIT EVERY NOW AND THEN, IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT OR LOOK PAST IT YOU'RE OVERREACTING".

No. We've all done dumb shit while shitfaced (if you've drunk enough). But publicly disrespecting your partner is a fucking line that I will never tolerate, personally speaking. If anyone ever treated me like that and wasn't fully apologetic/willing to change the behavior that led to it after-the-fact then I would walk. There are too many attractive, intelligent, and kind women in the world to waste time on someone that immature and senseless.

Unless OP was being a complete fuckface while they were pregaming, or something to even remotely justify this kind of treatment, his girlfriend was completely and unequivocally in the wrong, and not in a way that you just chuckle off as some normative thing that we all go through as adults in the dating world.

On top of that, unless I'm misunderstanding the timeline, it doesn't even sound like she apologized after sobering up.

Verbally abusive, blackout drunk with a lack of willingness to take ownership and responsibility for her actions while drunk? Sounds like a winner to me.

 

[vinnygambini]

if you can barely handle being called bitch once, well...

It was 3 times.

Like Britney 3

 

[Laughing Banana]

Throughout the night, at a party of about 20 people, she consistently called me bitch jokingly. Once. Twice. Three times. Each time I told her to stop, but she persisted. She was drunk. Very drunk. I was heartbroken. Idk how drunk she was, but Ive been through enough of this bullshit that I will not commit myself to someone who will say that about someone they care about. After we had both drank a lot, she came into the bathroom and demanded I fuck her. I legitimately wasn't ready, so I told her we would later. She immediately told me to fuck myself and left to join the rest of the party.

Before tonight, I thought she was incredible. After tonight, I guess the jokes on me.

Well, is she calling you a bitch a repeated offense? I mean to say, does she do that as well on her sober times? And if she does, do you think she meant it or is it more playful?

In any event, if you are serious about the relationship then I see the value of giving her more chances, to be honest. But hey, it's your relationship, and if you really are uncomfortable, you should say something to her and then gauge from her response whether it'll be worth it for you to continue or not.

Also, this thread, so many people getting heated up, lol.

 

[Resilient]

Mine.

it will happen eventually though. that's my point. and if you're ready to up and call it quits..that's a sign of weakness IMO.

think about it. you can potentially be with somebody for over 30 years...chances are you are gonna get called a bitch at some point. are you gonna walk away if you really think the person is "incredible" ? or are you going to work it out and be rational?

if being called a bitch at a party is enough for you to make a thread about it on GAF, it means you can't handle the shit yourself to work it out.

 

[fanboi]

Bruh, there's a clear fucking difference between doing dumb shit while drunk and straight up talking shit to your significant other after they asked you to stop, all the while demanding sex after it all and insulting them again when they tell you that they feel uncomfortable.

Like jesus fucking christ. If that was a man treating a woman like that I don't think a single fucking one of you would be responding to OP with "AHH PEOPLE DO DRUNK SHIT EVERY NOW AND THEN, IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT OR LOOK PAST IT YOU'RE OVERREACTING".

No. We've all done dumb shit while shitfaced (if you've drunk enough). But publicly disrespecting your partner is a fucking line that I will never tolerate, personally speaking. If anyone ever treated me like that and wasn't fully apologetic/willing to change the behavior that led to it after-the-fact then I would walk. There are too many attractive, intelligent, and kind women in the world to waste time on someone that immature and senseless.

Unless OP was being a complete fuckface while they were pregaming, or something to even remotely justify this kind of treatment, his girlfriend was completely and unequivocally in the wrong, and not in a way that you just chuckle off as some normative thing that we all go through as adults in the dating world.

If you are commited to a relationship, whatever the situation (except abuse) you need to talk it out, no lines, talk it out.

Also didn't OP say she had said it as a joke?

 

[DJKhaled]

heeheehee, Khaled you're too jacked in. If anyone, he wuold be calling for those saying he's a biicth to be banned. You're taking it all too hard.

Sorry if I am worked up, but I came to this thread with the best intentions and my honest opinion and then I had that asshole telling me my relationship is a trainwreck, shit like that annoys me, I hate when people live in black and white worlds

 

[GuitarAtomik]

If the "bitch" part was truly a joke, I would let that go while being clear with her (when you're both sober) that you're not totally cool with that. The "fuck you" part is a little more egregious and at the very least she should (sincerely) apologize for it. Hopefully when you bring it up, she will (whether she remembers it or not) and not try to go the "Oh but I was drunk. Not a big deal." route. If she does do that, it's a red flag especially at your ages. Not grounds for immediate break up or anything, but I guarantee this won't be the last time something like that happens (especially if she doesn't think it's a big deal) and you're going to have to decide if you can deal with that. Some people can and there's nothing wrong with that, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to deal with abusive bullshit from your SO every other time they get drunk either. We all do dumb shit while drunk, but that doesn't excuse it. Believe it or not, plenty of people can get wasted and still not get aggressive with their SO.

 

[ExVicis]

I choose to think there is. I dont want anyone to be banned on my behalf.



Not even close to all night. Maybe from 1-6p? She's lighter than I am, though, and she probably said those things to me around 6p.

6pm and that drunk? Ooooh, man that's rough.

Well best of luck to you if you do break up (I'm assuming you are going to) and all that. I hope you clearly explain the problem and what she did wrong and give her a chance to explain herself but still lay down that you don't appreciate it and that it's not something you want in a relationship. Make it clear then and there if you're done with the relationship and then walk away if it is over.

 

[GHG]

Bruh, there's a clear fucking difference between doing dumb shit while drunk and straight up talking shit to your significant other after they asked you to stop, all the while demanding sex after it all and insulting them again when they tell you that they feel uncomfortable.

Like jesus fucking christ. If that was a man treating a woman like that I don't think a single fucking one of you would be responding to OP with "AHH PEOPLE DO DRUNK SHIT EVERY NOW AND THEN, IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT OR LOOK PAST IT YOU'RE OVERREACTING".

No. We've all done dumb shit while shitfaced (if you've drunk enough). But publicly disrespecting your partner is a fucking line that I will never tolerate, personally speaking. If anyone ever treated me like that and wasn't fully apologetic/willing to change the behavior that led to it after-the-fact then I would walk. There are too many attractive, intelligent, and kind women in the world to waste time on someone that immature and senseless.

Unless OP was being a complete fuckface while they were pregaming, or something to even remotely justify this kind of treatment, his girlfriend was completely and unequivocally in the wrong, and not in a way that you just chuckle off as some normative thing that we all go through as adults in the dating world.

You need to take a deep breath and then read my other posts in this thread.

Sometimes I think GAF just wants to see the world burn with some of the advice given out in OT threads.

Case in point:

6pm and that drunk? Ooooh, man that's rough.

Well best of luck to you if you do break up (I'm assuming you are going to) and all that. I hope you clearly explain the problem and what she did wrong and give her a chance to explain herself but still lay down that you don't appreciate it and that it's not something you want in a relationship. Make it clear then and there that you're done with the relationship and then walk away.

 

[jdstorm]

What it was was her continuously addressing me as bitch, and after each time I told her to stop saying that to me. After a third time, I went to the bathroom, she knocked on the door in front of others and called my name, and I let her in. She wanted me to fuck her on the spot, and I couldn't. It felt wrong. I left.

That's the situation.



I'm sober. I was a 5-6/10 roughly 7-8 hours ago.



Thanks. Very much.

Sounds like she's just a mean drunk, who thought it was funny to be shitty to you while drunk. You definitely did the right thing not having sex with her.

Like many have said this situation calls for a sober conversation about your expectations about how you wish to be treated in a relationship. If she now sober is happy to address your concerns. That's healthy and normal.
If she plans on repeating this negative behaviour it might be time to move on.
From another post P mentioned that she doesn't remember what happened so she was clearly blackout drunk. No one is responsible for their actions when they are that drunk.
However they shouldn't want to repeat it

 

[atr0cious]

You've been doing it the whole thread to me. You are telling me my relationship is terrible because we have arguments and we don't live in a world where everyone is perfect.

You asked me to read your posts and I did, if you can't do the same, why are you even quoting me when I've talked at least twice now about my relationship not being perfect, including in the post you're quoting? There's a difference between healthy constructive arguments where you're both aware you only want the best for each other, and just calling them a bitch and swallowing the damage for another day. That's why half of marriages end in divorce, because they think that shits normal till they give up. If my partner has an issue, I'll know what it is by her sitting me down and telling me what it is, and why it's a problem for her. That's not a perfect relationship, that's a relationship.

 

[Byakuya769]

it will happen eventually though. that's my point. and if you're ready to up and call it quits..that's a sign of weakness IMO.

think about it. you can potentially be with somebody for over 30 years...chances are you are gonna get called a bitch at some point. are you gonna walk away if you really think the person is "incredible" ? or are you going to work it out and be rational?

if being called a bitch at a party is enough for you to make a thread about it on GAF, it means you can't handle the shit yourself to work it out.

You're projecting and generalizing. No one is obligated to take disrespect or give a pass for it.

I've been in mine over ten years, married for 8. Never have we said something disrespectful to one another. You can disagree without disrespect and fighting, those are choices--bad ones.

And if you can't make it out of the early stages of a relationship without some crazy stuff like the OP, why sign up for the long haul? Not enough days in a year or years in a life, and definitely more people out there. OP can balance the incident with the good and make a choice--but this thought that anyone has to put up with that sort of disrespect or they're "weak" or will never be together longterm is just silly.

 

[akira28]

If the "bitch" part was truly a joke, I would let that go while being clear with her (when you're both sober) that you're not totally cool with that. The "fuck you" part is a little more egregious and at the very least she should (sincerely) apologize for it. Hopefully when you bring it up, she will (whether she remembers it or not) and not try to go the "Oh but I was drunk. Not a big deal." route. If she does do that, it's a red flag especially at your ages. Not grounds for immediate break up or anything, but I guarantee this won't be the last time something like that happens (especially if she doesn't think it's a big deal) and you're going to have to decide if you can deal with that. Some people can and there's nothing wrong with that, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to deal with abusive bullshit from your SO every other time they get drunk either. We all do dumb shit while drunk, but that doesn't excuse it. Believe it or not, plenty of people can get wasted and still not get aggressive with their SO.

she already knows he's pissed. and since he doesn't want to make up, she'll probably expect great things tomorow.

 

[DJKhaled]

You asked me to read your posts and I did, if you can't do the same, why are you even quoting me when I've talked at least twice now about my relationship not being perfect, including in the post you're quoting? There's a difference between healthy constructive arguments where you're both aware you only want the best for each other, and just calling them a bitch and swallowing the damage for another day. That's why half of marriages end in divorce, because they think that shits normal till they give up. If my partner has an issue, I'll know what it is by her sitting me down and telling me what it is, and why it's a problem for her. That's not a perfect relationship, that's a relationship.

Oh look at Dr. Phil once again talking in black and whites.

 

[atr0cious]

Oh look at Dr. Phil once again talking in black and whites.

That other poster was right, and I'm sorry for jumping on you earlier. It's not your fault.

 

[ExVicis]

You need to take a deep breath and then read my other posts in this thread.

Sometimes I think GAF just wants to see the world burn with some of the advice given out in OT threads.

Case in point:

Oh, there should be an if in there. Unless you disagree that he should have communication about his grievances. Because honestly every relationship should do that.

 

[Resilient]

You're projecting and generalizing. No one is obligated to take disrespect or give a pass for it.

I've been in mine over ten years, married for 8. Never have we said something disrespectful to one another. You can disagree without disrespect and fighting, those are choices--bad ones.

And if you can't make it out of the early stages of a relationship without some crazy stuff like the OP, why sign up for the long haul? Not enough days in a year or years in a life, and definitely more people out there. OP can balance the incident with the good and make a choice--but this thought that anyone has to put up with that sort of disrespect or they're "weak" or will never be together longterm is just silly.

Nah, I wouldn't say I'm projecting. but, as is the case with every relationship thread on GAF - most people see relationships as black and white. To suggest there won't be some level of disrespect (the level of being called a bitch in public) in a long-term relationship is absurd to me. I'm not married, personally I don't think I need to be to say that though. So, I still think it's weak willed if you're going to walk away after something that is pretty trivial. I've seen worse, been around worse. I still love my SO and she has done some stupid shit, as have I, but we talk through it, fix it and forgive each other. If you can't do that, to me, it just looks to me like you (not you personally) are just content to walk away when things get difficult.

 

[GuitarAtomik]

she already knows he's pissed. and since he doesn't want to make up, she'll probably expect great things tomorow.

Missed that post lol. Well, if it was me and I was truly as in to her beforehand as he said in the OP, I'd at least wait to see how she reacts to a conversation about the situation. That said, I don't blame anyone at that age for just not wanting to deal with that shit and moving on.

 

[Morrigan Stark]

I really don't want to switch genders, but really think about it:

"My boyfriend, who's been great till now, got drunk at a party and has been calling me a bitch in front of our friends. I went to the bathroom to take a piss and he followed me in there demanding I fuck him, and when I said I couldn't, he told me to go fuck myself"

"Lol, sounds like he's right about you being a bitch. You should have fucked him. Maybe wait until the morning before you overreact"

Yuuuuuup

I don't know what the fuck I'm reading with some responses here.

Swinging? Taking money without telling your partner? Maybe you actually are a bitch? Oh man, and this is a progressive forum, I don't even want to know how it is in the general population.

Yup

These type of posts should be ban-worthy.

And yup

Crazy-ass thread.

 

[Daffy Duck]

How long have you guys been together?

After you told her what happened did she apologise for calling you a bitch and the fuck you?

I assume you were both sill drunk when you discussed it too?

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Some of you posting in here should legitimately be ashamed of yourselves. First of all, no one should be demeaned or berated in front of others like this by someone they are supposed to be in a relationship with. Secondly, demanding sex from your partner and then berating them further just for saying no is ridiculously inappropriate behavior for two grown adults.

 

[GhostWriter24]

How long have you guys been together?

After you told her what happened did she apologise for calling you a bitch and the fuck you?

I assume you were both sill drunk when you discussed it too?

1. We have been together for a month and a half. 2. She apologized and wanted me to come back to her apartment and talk to her. That's not happening, I'll talk to her tomorrow morning. 3. I was sober enough to hear her call me a bitch throughout the afternoon/evening, then the final bathroom "Fuck you" made me call an Uber and go home.

 

[Moz La Punk]

I was in an abusive relationship once. It was like that.

 

[Clydefrog]

*eyes bulge*

 

[Exodust]

Once? I mean...what??

You said you were hurt by the first one and you let it slide cause it was the first time, or at least I think that's what you said. Might have read your post wrong.

Either way, calling you bitch in a joking manner while drunk and getting momentarily drunk angry that you won't fuck her is far and away not close to being bad in my opinion. Sounds like you took her calling you bitch waaaaaaay too seriously.

 

[jim-jam bongs]

Pretty unacceptable behaviour, drunk or not. I've been in a similar situation, and decided to tough it out. It didn't get better, I just had more shitty moments for the next 6 months until I broke it off.

 

[Maximo]

You said you were hurt by the first one and you let it slide cause it was the first time, or at least I think that's what you said. Might have read your post wrong.

Either way, calling you bitch in a joking manner while drunk and getting momentarily drunk angry that you won't fuck her is far and away not close to being bad in my opinion. Sounds like you took her calling you bitch waaaaaaay too seriously.

How does one take verbal abuse then?

 

[Starviper]

Girl i've been seeing told me to fuck off and go home at a party while she was really drunk. Said alright, so I started packing my things and walked out the door.

Ended up arguing outside and having a dramatic car ride home. She was so drunk that she started crying and telling me she wanted to die. Was gonna drop her off at home but she didn't want that so we slept it off at my place.

Said she didn't remember any of that car ride in the morning and that the 'fuck off and go home' thing was something her and her coworkers say to each other. It really hurt me that she'd acted like that and I ended up apologizing to my friends for the drama.

Hasn't happened since. Sometimes people do really stupid shit when they're drunk; hell, I definitely have. Honestly even thinking about the whole thing makes me kinda mad but you gotta just work past it if you think it'll be worth it.

 

[Gravy Boat]

It'll never cease to amaze me how willing so many people are to end a relationship after one little thing. In my grown up relationship, whenever one of us does something the other feels is disrespectful, we talk about it instead of just instantly breaking up with each other.

 

[Exodust]

How DOES one take verbal abuse then? Guess the OP didn't *Man Up* enough.....

Verbal abuse? Please. She called him a bitch a few times while drunk and told him to fuck off when he wouldn't bang her. What's so abusive about it?

And yes, he should man up because he's a grown adult. She was drunk and did nothing serious. Ending a relationship with someone who was soooooo awesome before they called you bitch three times while drunk and tried to bang in a bathroom is hilariously being overly sensitive.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

dude isn't even giving her a chance to make amends, which is what the true problem is right now. just ready to bail out and leave. I want someone to show me a relationship with no baggage like this ever happening. and..nobody will be able to.

There's baggage and then there's being emotionally abusive to your partner...

Forgiving her now, allowing her to make amends, will forever shift the dynamics of the relationship. OP has to show he won't put up with that kind of behaviour, not just for himself, but for the sake of having healthy relationships going forward.

 

[Seaklng]

dude isn't even giving her a chance to make amends, which is what the true problem is right now. just ready to bail out and leave. I want someone to show me a relationship with no baggage like this ever happening. and..nobody will be able to.

exactly. no one is perfect.
we all say shit we regret at some point, especially under the influence. I know I've said shit that I didn't actually mean, but was just too drunk.
We all deserve a chance to redeem ourselves, at least once.
If someone isn't willing to give that, then maybe they didn't want the relationship to begin with.
that's just my opinion though.

 

[butzopower]

I get pretty sentimental and open up a bit when I get pretty drunk, but a lot of the time I don't remember the conversations I have. My girlfriend gets pretty hurt by it, rightfully so. Probably best we all try and remember what we do and say.

 

[panty]

Well are you a bitch? /jk

There has to be some backstory to this. Why is a 25yo calling you a bitch. She unhappy?

 

[Nevasleep]

Establish dominance with the D.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Well are you a bitch? /jk

There has to be some backstory to this. Why is a 25yo calling you a bitch. She unhappy?

Maybe she's just revealing her true self while drunk. Someone who is abusive and sees her partner as an object who should be ready to give her sex at a moments notice.

 

[Shambala]

People usually show their true side when they are drunk. So if u cant deal with that type of stuff then bail out

 

[hipbabboom]

Hi OP. It doesn't sound like you two have been together long enough for you to know if she has a history of this sort of behavior. I would typically call it a rash decision if you ended a relationship you've invested a lot of time into over a one-time occurrence without having an honest sober discussion with your partner HOWEVER 1.5 months is still "red flag" territory and this sounds like one of those cases where if you don't what to expose yourself to fallout of things getting worse as you spend more time together then its probably a great time to bow out.

Not that behavior made while drunk is a 100% presentation of the real person, I tend to think something is extremely worrisome when the sober person and the drunk person are too different; especially if things take a turn for the darker.

Count your blessings if you think you are seeing someone for who they are this early in the game if its something that's off-putting.

 

[Funky Papa]

Ah, spring cleaning.

This thread woulda been a graveyard by now...

It is now.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Hi OP. It doesn't sound like you two have been together long enough for you to know if she has a history of this sort of behavior. I would typically call it a rash decision if you ended a relationship you've invested a lot of time into over a one-time occurrence without having an honest sober discussion with your partner HOWEVER 1.5 months is still "red flag" territory and this sounds like one of those cases where if you don't what to expose yourself to fallout of things getting worse as you spend more time together then its probably a great time to bow out.

Not that behavior made while drunk is a 100% presentation of the real person, I tend to think something is extremely worrisome when the sober person and the drunk person are too different; especially if things take a turn for the darker.

Count your blessings if you think you are seeing someone for who they are this early in the game if its something that's off-putting.

I disagree. Being drunk lowers inhibitions, lets your guard down and allows who you truly are come to the surface. It's rarely the case that people who are drunk become someone completely different but rather turn into the person they've always been and either suppressed or weren't comfortable enough with being when not drunk.

It's why some people say to really shy people they should drink, everyone knows that it lowers inhibitions and allows who you truly are to come to the surface.

 

[Funky Papa]

Calling people names in front of other people definitely is verbal abuse. The one kind that gets positively nastier if we are talking about a relationship.

Demanding unrequested and unwanted sex as a way to "apologize" and then getting pissed off because you didn't gave in is never ok.

Try to reverse genders and see if any of that would/should fly.



We can discuss things such as maturity and the effects of alcohol in the human mind until cows come home, but if we catch you endorsing or making light of this we will act upon it.