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[Enco]

lmao you've been together for 1.5 months and this has already happened?

Why waste your time? You clearly think it's not right and she sounds like she has a problem.

Move on. Lol at waiting around and giving it another chance. Nobody has time for that.

 

[outunderthestars]

Six weeks in? Just walk away from it if you're being made to feel uncomfortable.

 

[Shredderi]

People making words have a meaning or feeling in such a way makes no sense to me. Like, qwhat does it mean.

To mean these things are very abstract and concrete things aren't even that much better.

I know people make reasons upon reasons to what the meaning is and feeling but it's a bit much still

I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. Are you saying that words have no meanings?

 

[Jack The Nipper]

I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. Are you saying that words have no meanings?

Words have meanings that we create and that we learn and somewhat accept.

Not about the process of believing in the absolute that people feel.

I get why they do, I understand why and why they can't see why it doesn't matter.

It's a part of basic psychology of how we learn.

But this is how everything can be broken down so no one will be able to do this. I mean most can't

I'm fairly different than most and I get that, still have my own human traits that I can't shake as well.

I'm the deep process of development words are a creation, just like cars and games. One day they are here a other day they will never exist.

 

[VistraNorrez]

As always, talk to your SO and make sure they understand your perspective. Even if you intend on breaking up with her, it could be really good to hear that for her future.

And as others have said alcohol and drugs do not necessarily reveal who someone really is. People don't act just one way or wish that they could. There is a reason we AA and NA. Plenty of people hate who they are when under the influence. The brain is complex and altering it with any substance could change a lot about someone that don't know want changed. So please out there for those quick say "alcohol exposes who you really are", consider it isn't that simple.

 

[Audioboxer]

Words have meanings that we create and that we learn and somewhat accept.

Not about the process of believing in the absolute that people feel.

I get why they do, I understand why and why they can't see why it doesn't matter.

It's a part of basic psychology of how we learn.

But this is how everything can be broken down so no one will be able to do this. I mean most can't

I'm fairly different than most and I get that, still have my own human traits that I can't shake as well.

I'm the deep process of development words are a creation, just like cars and games. One day they are here a other day they will never exist.

Well there's a huge difference for most between having some trolling with your partner you've been with for years and know inside out and someone you've been with for 1.5 months. Even more so in a public context in a fledgling relationship where friends and outsiders are also getting to know how you two will act as a couple and treat each other from the outside. Who's to say the other guests could understand trolling from what looks like abuse?

Most of us take time at the start of a relationship to learn boundaries, real personalities and get to know someone. Even if this scenario is a bit of a clusterfuck of teasing and misunderstanding OP needs to learn that quick and have a serious in depth conversation about how things will go in the future. He can understandably say this behaviour passes his boundaries and it's up to his other half to accept that or be honest and say they'll struggle. If they will struggle then OP has a decision to make about how fruitful pursuing this relationship may be.

Navigating a relationship early on can be messy but everyone has their boundaries and should never be shamed for expressing them and ultimately potentially calling it quits if it's too much to handle.

 

[Meffer]

I'm rather disgusted by some of these comments. OP was insulted and was almost forced to have sex. Not cool even if his girlfriend was drunk. You should let her go, OP. Not even once with abuse.

 

[Dennis]

For me, it would be over.

Calling you a bitch in front of other people.

Insulting your manhood.

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

I have trouble accepting the sheer lack of self-respect it would require to accept this without consequences.

 

[Hazanko]

Some of you posting in here should legitimately be ashamed of yourselves. First of all, no one should be demeaned or berated in front of others like this by someone they are supposed to be in a relationship with. Secondly, demanding sex from your partner and then berating them further just for saying no is ridiculously inappropriate behavior for two grown adults.

Exactly, I was suprised at the responses. I personally wouldn't tolerate that behaviour and tell her that it's not okay. If it carried on i'd leave. It's obviously up to the OP what he does though.

 

[ascii42]

I disagree. Being drunk lowers inhibitions, lets your guard down and allows who you truly are come to the surface. It's rarely the case that people who are drunk become someone completely different but rather turn into the person they've always been and either suppressed or weren't comfortable enough with being when not drunk.

It's why some people say to really shy people they should drink, everyone knows that it lowers inhibitions and allows who you truly are to come to the surface.

I guess it kind of depends on how you look at it. If somebody thinks assholish things, but when sober is capable of recognizing that and not saying them, doesn't that say something good about them?

 

[outunderthestars]

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

Well said.

 

[Meffer]

For me, it would be over.

Calling you a bitch in front of other people.

Insulting your manhood.

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

I have trouble accepting the sheer lack of self-respect it would require to accept this without consequences.

Exactly. This is sexist.

 

[jaekeem]

I guess it kind of depends on how you look at it. If somebody thinks assholish things, but when sober is capable of recognizing that and not saying them, doesn't that say something good about them?

The problem is...why is someone's gf in any way feeling like her boyfriend is a bitch and someone she can just push around sexually? Even if it's a repressed thing that only comes up when super drunk...that's something that needs to be addressed/talked out, at a bare minimum.

 

[Shredderi]

For me, it would be over.

Calling you a bitch in front of other people.

Insulting your manhood.

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

I have trouble accepting the sheer lack of self-respect it would require to accept this without consequences.

While there is a lot of progressive feminist attitude among GAF members, there is also lack of attention to some problems that are genuine problems regarding how men and men's behaviour is perceived. You've seen it in this thread with those who dissed OP for not just fucking her girl. Still lots of traditional notions of how men should be "masculine" in the traditional sense.

 

[jaekeem]

While there is a lot of progressive feminist attitude among GAF members, there is also lack of attention to some problems that are genuine problems regarding how men and men's behaviour is perceived. You've seen it in this thread with those who dissed OP for not just fucking her girl. Still lots of traditional notions of how men should be "masculine" in the traditional sense.

It's the most stupidest thing.

These people pretend like it's "manly" for ANOTHER PERSON to dictate OP's sexual behavior.

No. That's the very definition of emasculation.

 

[ascii42]

The problem is...why is someone's gf in any way feeling like her boyfriend is a bitch and someone she can just push around sexually? Even if it's a repressed thing that only comes up when super drunk...that's something that needs to be addressed/talked out, at a bare minimum.

Yeah, I agree. My comment was more in general than specific to OPs case.

 

[Cmerrill]

For me, it would be over.

Calling you a bitch in front of other people.

Insulting your manhood.

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

I have trouble accepting the sheer lack of self-respect it would require to accept this without consequences.

Should have been first post.

 

[Zakalwe]

Sounds like she was being a bit of a drunk idiot.

Honestly, it happens. People aren't perfect. If she's been "incredible" up until this point, perhaps speak with her, or give it some time and discover if this will be something ongoing or if it was a silly one-off.

Communicate with her, tell her it's not ok and see what reaction she gives and, more importantly, how she behaves post-conversation.

For me, it would be over.

Calling you a bitch in front of other people.

Insulting your manhood.

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

I have trouble accepting the sheer lack of self-respect it would require to accept this without consequences.

I hope this is a reference to a gaf joke or something.

 

[bobbytkc]

Lol at people defending the girl. Being drunk is no excuse for treating people like shit.

 

[Wallach]

For me, it would be over.

Calling you a bitch in front of other people.

Insulting your manhood.

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

I have trouble accepting the sheer lack of self-respect it would require to accept this without consequences.

Can't be simpler.

 

[Jack The Nipper]

The way people think is just interesting to me.

I can't even really say what someone calling me q bitch means.

Just feel I'd most let it go it would also be sort of the same upon asking what does it really mean

She hates him? She thinks he is being stupid?

For many it's saying you don't respect me but that isn't even a meaning.

 

[Dr. Benton Quest]

Words have meanings that we create and that we learn and somewhat accept.

Not about the process of believing in the absolute that people feel.

I get why they do, I understand why and why they can't see why it doesn't matter.

It's a part of basic psychology of how we learn.

But this is how everything can be broken down so no one will be able to do this. I mean most can't

I'm fairly different than most and I get that, still have my own human traits that I can't shake as well.

I'm the deep process of development words are a creation, just like cars and games. One day they are here a other day they will never exist.

 

[Zakalwe]

Lol at people defending the girl. Being drunk is no excuse for treating people like shit.

And lol at people making absolute judgements after one incident.

What she did was shitty, but good people sometimes do shitty things for all sorts of reasons.

Communicating and letting her know this behaviour is a problem and giving her a chance to make amends is surely better than getting super righteous about it (especially as I'm certain those who are are far from perfect themselves).

 

[Audioboxer]

The way people think is just interesting to me.

I can't even really say what someone calling me q bitch means.

Just feel I'd most let it go it would also be sort of the same upon asking what does it really mean

She hates him? She thinks he is being stupid?

For many it's saying you don't respect me but that isn't even a meaning.

Well don't get caught up so much on the term used as a potential insult via the 3 times name calling. The reaction to refusal for sex is by far the biggest red flag. No one should be put down for not feeling like putting out. That is a pretty serious line to cross even as a "joke".

That line being the one you'd expect to see a shit ton of GAFers go apeshit over if the genders were switched around. As pointed out by a mod now among many other members. Such a guy probably being called a sexist and/or rapist in the making by now. Understandably as well to some degree as insulting people around sex refusal or coercing by pressure are not slopes most civilised or respectable people ever consider going down just to get their orgasm.

 

[esmith08734]

Dump her, OP. One time I kind of explained my thought process to my girlfriend at the time about a specific issue and she 'accidentally' responded with a, "See, this is why you're not going to be successful.' She was drunk too, but it was honestly the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.

My point is, don't let being drunk serve as an excuse for her being rude to you.

 

[Chuckie]

Hahahahaha.

 

[neorej]

I've had a GF who was all cute and cool, untill one night she got drunk, hammered really, and started insulting me in front of her family, making fun of me, etc. She was in a Christian family and girls in her family waited to have sex untill marriage. So her performing like a pornstar between the sheets was her dirty little secret.

So I took her home to her apartment, tied her down, gagged & blindfolded her, fucked her furiously, and put the condom on her face. I got dressed, told her we're through, called her dad to come over, she needed some help. He had a spare key, so he could come in no problem.

About an hour later I got a text from her dad; "I understand. You're good people."

 

[Dennis]

I've had a GF who was all cute and cool, untill one night she got drunk, hammered really, and started insulting me in front of her family, making fun of me, etc. She was in a Christian family and girls in her family waited to have sex untill marriage. So her performing like a pornstar between the sheets was her dirty little secret.

So I took her home to her apartment, tied her down, gagged & blindfolded her, fucked her furiously, and put the condom on her face. I got dressed, told her we're through, called her dad to come over, she needed some help. He had a spare key, so he could come in no problem.

About an hour later I got a text from her dad; "I understand. You're good people."

This happened.

 

[spazchicken]

Why did she curse you out in a Baskin Robbins?

 

[The Albatross]

I feel like if OP said "my boyfriend" called OP a bitch 3x in front of friends at party and then barged into the bathroom telling OP to fuck him and then stormed off, people would be expressing more concern for the op. Nobody has to feel embarrassed by their partner regardless of the genders. There's too many fish in the sea to settle for someone who treats you poorly, drunk or not... unless this is like the first time in years of happy relationship, but I doubt it.

 

[Jack The Nipper]

It almost makes sense lol

 

[SilentRob]

Maybe talk to her about that instead? Any advice you'll get here is silly and unhelpful since none of us were there.

 

[outunderthestars]

I've had a GF who was all cute and cool, untill one night she got drunk, hammered really, and started insulting me in front of her family, making fun of me, etc. She was in a Christian family and girls in her family waited to have sex untill marriage. So her performing like a pornstar between the sheets was her dirty little secret.

So I took her home to her apartment, tied her down, gagged & blindfolded her, fucked her furiously, and put the condom on her face. I got dressed, told her we're through, called her dad to come over, she needed some help. He had a spare key, so he could come in no problem.

About an hour later I got a text from her dad; "I understand. You're good people."

1/10.

 

[Zakalwe]

I feel like if OP said "my boyfriend" called OP a bitch 3x in front of friends at party and then barged into the bathroom telling OP to fuck him and then stormed off, people would be expressing more concern for the op. Nobody has to feel embarrassed by their partner regardless of the genders. There's too many fish in the sea to settle for someone who treats you poorly, drunk or not... unless this is like the first time in years of happy relationship, but I doubt it.

I'd be giving the same advice: communicate and see if they're willing to change and, if you're willing to let them try giving it a little time to see if they really do.

If they fuck up the same way again, then definitely call it. Personally, I like to give people second chances, but then we all have different levels of tolerance for this kind of thing. Perhaps mine is too high.

 

[entremet]

I'm rather disgusted by some of these comments. OP was insulted and was almost forced to have sex. Not cool even if his girlfriend was drunk. You should let her go, OP. Not even once with abuse.

OP was propositioned for sex by his GF. Not almost forced. There's a huge difference here. Words matter.

 

[Zakalwe]

OP was propositioned for sex by his GF. Not almost forced. There's a huge difference here. Words matter.

Indeed.

 

[azyless]

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Not like there isn't a thread rn about a guy potentially physically abusing his wife and half the replies are some bullshit variation of "until evidence is shown to me I'll believe him over her", right ? GAF isn't as feminist as some of you seem to think it is.

That being said OP, I've been drunk, my exes have been drunk, and it's never caused us to disrespect each other like that. Dump her ass.

 

[Audioboxer]

OP was propositioned for sex by his GF. Not almost forced. There's a huge difference here. Words matter.

After we had both drank a lot, she came into the bathroom and demanded I fuck her. I legitimately wasn't ready, so I told her we would later. She immediately told me to fuck myself and left to join the rest of the party.

Maybe almost forced is a strong position to take but without more explaining the OP has already said he felt a demand. Again, not sure how even a word like demand would fly if we switched the genders. Never mind the fuck yourself remark for OP saying he wasn't ready.

Let's not get too bogged down, the OP didn't want to have sex and felt pressured, and was then insulted for saying he would have sex later. It's not a nice situation for anyone of any gender to go through.

 

[The Albatross]

I'd be giving the same advice: communicate and see if they're willing to change and, if you're willing to let them try giving it a little time to see if they really do.

If they fuck up the same way again, then definitely call it. Personally, I like to give people second chances, but then we all have different levels of tolerance for this kind of thing. Perhaps mine is too high.

If it's a new relationship (eg their first time getting drunk around each other) I'd drop her. Something I realized too late in life, after several lousy relationships where I felt like I had no alternatives, is that there are tons of potential partners waiting for a person just like you.

If it's been a long, great relationship and this is the first time, then yeah I'd talk to her and try to sort it out, but even that is difficult and embarrassing given the context.

 

[Zakalwe]

That being said OP, I've been drunk, my exes have been drunk, and it's never caused us to disrespect each other like that. Dump her ass.

There are far too many things in reality that could cause a person to behave like this as a one-off. Legit things.

While I'm completely against this kind of behaviour if it's repeated with no desire to amend, I think giving people a chance to amend is important (within reason, of course).

But then, everyone has a different level of tolerance for these things.

If it's a new relationship (eg their first time getting drunk around each other) I'd drop her. Something I realized too late in life, after several lousy relationships where I felt like I had no alternatives, is that there are tons of potential partners waiting for a person just like you.

If it's been a long, great relationship and this is the first time, then yeah I'd talk to her and try to sort it out, but even that is difficult and embarrassing given the context.

I get why you'd go that way, and I respect it.

I'd always give a person a second chance for something like this though, even if it were the first week. I've known just as many decent people do stupid things that were completely out of character as I have people who were too damaging to continue being around.

 

[Lakitu]

Leave her, it'll only get worse.

 

[Zakalwe]

Leave her, it'll only get worse.

You have no way to know this.

 

[Risible]

This thread is a motherfucking eye opener. All you people who are like "this is just what happens in relationships" - seriously, it isn't. Or at least, it doesn't have to be. If you're dealing with it - you don't have to. If you're doing it? You're fucked.

You ain't kidding. Why on earth would you ever put up with something like that? Sure, the first time I'll sit you down and talk about it, maybe you thought you were being funny or something and didn't realize. Second time? We have a large problem now.

 

[azyless]

There are far too many things in reality that could cause a person to behave like this as a one-off. Legit things.

I've had fights with SOs before because sometimes life happens and you just feel like picking a fight for whatever reason. But repeatedly and publicly calling my gf a bitch ? Nah never. I can't even imagine it.

 

[Zakalwe]

You ain't kidding. Why on earth would you ever put up with something like that? Sure, the first time I'll sit you down and talk about it, maybe you thought you were being funny or something and didn't realize. Second time? We have a large problem now.

This is the problem though, most people are shouting to call it right now without communicating at all.

Second chances are generally good, third are generally not.

I've had fights with SOs before because sometimes life happens and you just feel like picking a fight for whatever reason. But repeatedly and publicly calling my gf a bitch ? Nah never. I can't even imagine it.

You can't, but we have no way of knowing what this girl has been through to make her think this behaviour is ok, or if she knows it's not okay and something else triggered it.

Again, communication and letting her know it's a huge problem is surely better than assuming she won't be able to change. If she's been "incredible" up until this point, I think it's definitely worth a shot. There may be plenty of fish, but there's no plenty of people you'll gel with that well that it will truly be "incredible".

 

[Vire]

lol only one and a half months together?

Peace out.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

For me, it would be over.

Calling you a bitch in front of other people.

Insulting your manhood.

If this had been a thread about a guy calling his GF a cunt three times in public and then tried to impose on her sexually GAF would be outraged.

Instead we have bizarre posts about how it is not a big deal.

I have trouble accepting the sheer lack of self-respect it would require to accept this without consequences.

Lack of self respect is a recurring theme with a number of people who post in the dating thread. There's a real issue with it, but it's hard to broach the subject because no one really want to hear they lack respect or they aren't acting in their own best interest.

This is the perfect example of that. People saying maybe she was just upset, talk it through as her being drunk makes it okay because she can't be held responsible for her actions while drunk.

All garbage excuses and what makes them worse is that we have people trying to justify the abuse/the actions of the abuser and rail against the abused by making light of his experience.

I guess it kind of depends on how you look at it. If somebody thinks assholish things, but when sober is capable of recognizing that and not saying them, doesn't that say something good about them?

No. It just says they are good at hiding who they really are when they are sober. Judge people by their actions when their guard is down. That's who they really are, not this nonsense about being so blind drunk that you don't know what you're doing. No that's who you really are.

It's not about pissing your pants either, that's stupid. It's about behaviour, how you treat others when you're so drunk that you no longer feel bound by societal norms or your own perceived sense of how you should behave.

 

[Murkas]

I've had a GF who was all cute and cool, untill one night she got drunk, hammered really, and started insulting me in front of her family, making fun of me, etc. She was in a Christian family and girls in her family waited to have sex untill marriage. So her performing like a pornstar between the sheets was her dirty little secret.

So I took her home to her apartment, tied her down, gagged & blindfolded her, fucked her furiously, and put the condom on her face. I got dressed, told her we're through, called her dad to come over, she needed some help. He had a spare key, so he could come in no problem.

About an hour later I got a text from her dad; "I understand. You're good people."

That girls name? Albert Einstein.

 

[dh4niel]

If your girlfriend is being abusive 6 weeks in, ditch her and don't look back.

 

[Zakalwe]

Lack of self respect is a recurring theme with a number of people who post in the dating thread. There's a real issue with it, but it's hard to broach the subject because no one really want to hear they lack respect or they aren't acting in their own best interest.

This is the perfect example of that. People saying maybe she was just upset, talk it through as her being drunk makes it okay because she can't be held responsible for her actions while drunk.

All garbage excuses and what makes them worse is that we have people trying to justify the abuse/the actions of the abuser and rail against the abused by making light of his experience.



No. It just says they are good at hiding who they really are when they are sober. Judge people by their actions when their guard is down. That's who they really are, not this nonsense about being so blind drunk that you don't know what you're doing. No that's who you really are.

It's not about pissing your pants either, that's stupid. It's about behaviour, how you treat others when you're so drunk that you no longer feel bound by societal norms or your own perceived sense of how you should behave.

I find posts like this much more worrying. Life can be damaging sometimes, and sometimes good people do really shitty things. Sometimes they are a one off, and sometimes they don't indicate how a person will behave in future.

You have absolutely no way of knowing which type this is unless you communicate and make an educated judgement. Simply making a generalised assumption is not the way to handle it.

If this behaviour repeats, then I totally understand calling it. If the person shows no desire to amend, then I totally understand calling it. If OP still feels uncertain despite her responses being positive, then I totally understand calling it.

What I don't understand is this absolute righteousness that insinuates people need to be perfect or they're not worth it.

Life doesn't work that way.

If your girlfriend is being abusive 6 weeks in, ditch her and don't look back.

Arbitrary. Too many factors to generalise.