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[torontoml]

So although the girl I saw a few times did seem to be distancing herself I think I probably just accidentally definitely ended it. Accidentally texted her to confirm my date with another girl tonight.

So hopefully this other girl does confirm now that I've texted her haha.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

So although the girl I saw a few times did seem to be distancing herself I think I probably just accidentally definitely ended it. Accidentally texted her to confirm my date with another girl tonight.

So hopefully this other girl does confirm now that I've texted her haha.

:lol Smooth

 

[Zakalwe]

How is:

1. "Let her go, be honest with yourself, blah blah blah, and there's a small chance she'll eventually change her mind"

any different from:

2. "Continue to pursue her and make your intentions clear, don't give up, and there's a small chance she'll eventually change her mind"

?

Of course there's always a chance. The reason why that one-in-a-million humblebrag shouldn't even be in this thread is because people are going to think #2 will work, as long as they masquerade as #1.

There are 3.5 billion women in this world. That girl "you really click with" and "the only one for you"? She's not the one, if she's not interested in you. But don't worry, someone else is!

1 is completely different from 2.

1 is you truly accepting the fact you're friends, not wanting or hoping for any more, and allowing a relationship to evolve naturally however that may be. Which is the only way it can happen healthily and honestly from that point, which is actually redundant as you're not interested in that at this point. Which is exactly why it has the chance to work...

2 is you having a gameplan, or hoping for more, which means you should almost certainly walk away as it's probably going to cause you harm. If you're posting here asking "how can I win her over", you should almost certainly walk away as it's probably going to cause you harm.

There's a massive difference, and you need to be honest with yourself. If you're even thinking about the relationship being more, then you're 2 and you need to deal with that before you go too far.

Guys, I need some advice.

I've been talking to this girl (let's call her B) I've met on Tinder, and we hit it off pretty fast, so we agreed to go on a date last Saturday. However, because of some issues we both had, we couldn't go and ended up re-scheduling to next Saturday.

Now, yesterday, I went to a birthday party of a friend of mine, and one of her friends (let's call her P) went too. I've instantly liked her, as she's pretty much 110% my type. I talked a bit with her, although mostly in a group setting, and from the little that I got to know of her, she seemed to be pretty cool. I even ended up getting her whatsapp number, since she asked me to send her the address to a website that came up during conversation, thus I actually have the means to talk to her again if I wish too. I'm still not sure this girl has a BF or not, since last time I've seen her (last year, in the birthday party of this same friend), she was accompanied by him, but that was one year ago and she was alone this time. I asked my friend and she's not sure she still with the BF I've seen her with before, but she would try to find out for me.

The thing is, in case P is single, I'm a bit conflicted if I should also try to get a date with her or not. I can't help but feel a bit bad about scheduling another date when I didn't even go on a date with B in the first place. I asked another friend of mine for advice, and she told me it is alright, since I'm only getting to know both girls, nothing more. So, am I overthinking this, or is this scummy behaviour?

You're over thinking it. You don't owe either anything at this point. Schedule a date with both, and if it ever comes up be honest about where you stand.

And if you want to know if she has a boyfriend, ask her. Let her know you're interested and would like to take her on a date. Any ambiguity will be cleared up and you can make an informed decision.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

This is more of a friendship question but does it make you a crappy friend if you don't really want to talk to others about things about you? Like especially career or whatever related they'll ask things and like I've already come to a decision or plan and kind of don't care what they have to say... Like a lot of it will turn into people telling you their opinion or what they think you should do but I already reached my decision, I'm not going to change what I want in life because of your suggestion. I think a lot of it too is it usually comes up as filler conversation than them actually being interested in what you're doing or whatever it may be. Reading my post makes me feel like a douche. :lol

It's not with all friends but some... I get along with them and like them as friends but just certain topics I really don't want to talk to them about.

 

[Scotch]

1 is completely different from 2.

1 is you truly accepting the fact you're friends, not wanting or hoping for any more, and allowing a relationship to evolve naturally however that may be. Which is the only way it can happen healthily and honestly from that point, which is actually redundant as you're not interested in that at this point. Which is exactly why it has the chance to work...

2 is you having a gameplan, or hoping for more, which means you should almost certainly walk away as it's probably going to cause you harm. If you're posting here asking "how can I win her over", you should almost certainly walk away as it's probably going to cause you harm.

There's a massive difference, and you need to be honest with yourself. If you're even thinking about the relationship being more, then you're 2 and you need to deal with that before you go too far.

So if by your account you were a 1, and you were truly only friends with her, and didn't want anything more (!), why were you so easily persuaded that night to take the relationship further? And if she had changed her mind any other day before that, would you have been accepting as well (be honest)? Did you still have feelings for her at the time? And if so, how healthy do you think a friendship is when one of the parties has feelings for the other?

I just don't find your argument that convincing. When 99% of the people in this thread are better served by moving on instead of becoming friends with the girl, then that is the advice we should give them.

 

[Zakalwe]

So if by your account you were a 1, and you were truly only friends with her, and didn't want anything more (!), why were you so easily persuaded that night to take the relationship further? And if she had changed her mind any other day before that, would you have been accepting as well (be honest)? Did you still have feelings for her at the time? And if so, how healthy do you think a friendship is when one of the parties has feelings for the other?

I just don't find your argument that convincing. When 99% of the people in this thread are better served by moving on instead of becoming friends with the girl, then that is the advice we should give them.

It. Just. Happened.

No reason to it, one day we were friends enjoying each other's company, the next we both saw something else. I can't explain it, if I could I could probably make a fortune somehow.

I didn't have romantic feelings for her at all. She told me the same when we discussed it later. We were listening to Dark Side of the Moon, smoking a joint, laying on her sofa talking, we looked at each other... and something just clicked. Then we kissed, and we both said "what the hell was that?, laughed, then decided to run with it. It was a pretty great moment, and the next few months were awesome.

And that's the /exact/ advice I'm giving. If any part of you is hoping for more, then you're not ready to be friends and you should move on. It's not a breeding ground for anything but heartache, and you need to be honest with yourself about that.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

This is more of a friendship question but does it make you a crappy friend if you don't really want to talk to others about things about you? Like especially career or whatever related they'll ask things and like I've already come to a decision or plan and kind of don't care what they have to say... Like a lot of it will turn into people telling you their opinion or what they think you should do but I already reached my decision, I'm not going to change what I want in life because of your suggestion. I think a lot of it too is it usually comes up as filler conversation than them actually being interested in what you're doing or whatever it may be. Reading my post makes me feel like a douche. :lol

It's not with all friends but some... I get along with them and like them as friends but just certain topics I really don't want to talk to them about.

No it doesn't. But if you dont wanna share anything with them you shouldnt expect them to share anything with you. If you are coop with that this works for me.

"Gotdatmoney, what do you wanna do in life, what are your goals?"

"Find a better job and make a boat load of money"

"What kind of job? How?"

"If I knew that I woulda accomplished them already lol"

Never fails.

 

[Pachimari]

I feel like I'm having a hard time introducing myself to girls, I feel ashamed. I hate it when the talk comes up about work. And I am on welfare and have been the past few years. I have no job or education, so I just say that I go to the studio and plan on going back to school. It's horrible.

 

[Escargo]

I feel like I'm having a hard time introducing myself to girls, I feel ashamed. I hate it when the talk comes up about work. And I am on welfare and have been the past few years. I have no job or education, so I just say that I go to the studio and plan on going back to school. It's horrible.

Maybe you should focus on improving yourself in that aspect before you date then? If you love yourself it'll be easier for others to love you.

 

[Zakalwe]

I feel like I'm having a hard time introducing myself to girls, I feel ashamed. I hate it when the talk comes up about work. And I am on welfare and have been the past few years. I have no job or education, so I just say that I go to the studio and plan on going back to school. It's horrible.

I was in that position for a few years. Its always hard on your self-esteem.

What is it you actually want to do? All you need to do is begin, like really start progressing with a plan, and you'll not only instantly feel better but you'll be able to honestly say "I have a plan, I'm studying, this is what I'm working toward".

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

No it doesn't. But if you dont wanna share anything with them you shouldnt expect them to share anything with you. If you are coop with that this works for me.

"Gotdatmoney, what do you wanna do in life, what are your goals?"

"Find a better job and make a boat load of money"

"What kind of job? How?"

"If I knew that I woulda accomplished them already lol"

Never fails.

I mean they don't share stuff as it is so it's not like there's anything to lose there. :lol

I would give that answer but then people act like you're lazy or don't have any drive.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I feel like I'm having a hard time introducing myself to girls, I feel ashamed. I hate it when the talk comes up about work. And I am on welfare and have been the past few years. I have no job or education, so I just say that I go to the studio and plan on going back to school. It's horrible.

Maybe the first place to start is trying to get an education? Learn a trade? Do an apprenticeship? You wont feel confident talking to women until you feel confident about the person you're presenting.

 

[Pachimari]

What I want to do? I want to do a photographer education. We are currently looking into if it is possible to get into a school this Summer. I'm also learning a second language. I went to the gym today and is gonna sign up on Friday. I'm gonna start running the next morning, and my app on my phone is ready. I went on a date with a new girl yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I surprised my mother with a flower today and she got real happy. I'm gonna bring my father on a boat trip next week and he seems excited. And I think I have two more dates coming up. And I started my medication again today, and I am now gonna try hard to replace alcohol and soda with water and chocolate milk which I did today. I think I am beginning to feel pretty hopeful. Now it's just the nights that can be tough on me when I start thinking about my ex while trying to fall asleep.

I really hope I can get into that education though.

 

[ErrorMacro]

Thanks guys. Even though I'm not young, I'm kinda new to this dating thing, so I still have a lot to learn. Going on dates is the easy part, most I had went quite well. The hard part is getting the dates! If I ask out this girl I've met on the birthday party, she'll be the first I've met in person that I asked out, as opposed to meeting through apps and the like.

 

[Izuna]

Another one bites the dust I guess.

So a little while back this girl started to like me a bunch. She's textbook pretty and a really good listener, so I told her basically the full extent of my life rn because I'm not in the mood to bs and pretend things are better than they are.

But she pretty much didn't care and really liked me back.

The problem is that, and I even told her, I'm still in love with this one girl even when I have every reason not to be. So we scheduled to netflix/game chill in a week or so, and if things are still wonky with my current relationship, we'll do it.

And I can't. I don't think looks, personality or anything will stop loving this one girl, even if it is a catalyst to depression. I even went to help her set up a dating profile and made it cool that I can give her advice, but I see how it's going for her and I feel bad. It's very hard for her to get a new boyfriend, and it's very hard for me to BE her boyfriend.

I want out but it makes me feel a different kind of horrible.

And now I'm fretting about cancelling on yet another person who is interested in me.

Nothing beats turning a girl down half way into a Singles event though.

Maybe I should just try to stay single.

 

[Zakalwe]

What I want to do? I want to do a photographer education. We are currently looking into if it is possible to get into a school this Summer. I'm also learning a second language. I went to the gym today and is gonna sign up on Friday. I'm gonna start running the next morning, and my app on my phone is ready. I went on a date with a new girl yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I surprised my mother with a flower today and she got real happy. I'm gonna bring to father on a boat trip next week and he seems excited. And I think I have two more dates coming up. And I started my medication again today, and I am now gonna try hard to replace alcohol and soda with water and chocolate milk which I did today. I think I am beginning to feel pretty hopeful. Now it's just the nights that can be tough on me when I start thinking about my ex while trying to fall asleep.

Perhaps use some of that evening time to research and study up on photography then? If you wake up in the morning with more knowledge than you had the day before, especially if it's about something you're passionate about, it can be a pretty big boost to you're overall sense of worth.

Also when you have a conversation with someone about photography, if you can speak and show you're knowledgeable and interested, you'll be interesting, which will give you a huge boost to your self-esteem.

If you want to get into photography, start investing in it now, don't wait until you find a spot in a school.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I mean they don't share stuff as it is so it's not like there's anything to lose there. :lol

I would give that answer but then people act like you're lazy or don't have any drive.

Well they are people who you don't talk about any personal stuff with and you don't really want to share any career ambitions with them anyway so . . .who cares?

Another one bites the dust I guess.

So a little while back this girl started to like me a bunch. She's textbook pretty and a really good listener, so I told her basically the full extent of my life rn because I'm not in the mood to bs and pretend things are better than they are.

But she pretty much didn't care and really liked me back.

The problem is that, and I even told her, I'm still in love with this one girl even when I have every reason not to be. So we scheduled to netflix/game chill in a week or so, and if things are still wonky with my current relationship, we'll do it.

And I can't. I don't think looks, personality or anything will stop loving this one girl, even if it is a catalyst to depression. I even went to help her set up a dating profile and made it cool that I can give her advice, but I see how it's going for her and I feel bad. It's very hard for her to get a new boyfriend, and it's very hard for me to BE her boyfriend.

I want out but it makes me feel a different kind of horrible.

And now I'm fretting about cancelling on yet another person who is interested in me.

Nothing beats turning a girl down half way into a Singles event though.

Maybe I should just try to stay single.

Why are you indulging in an ex? You are either ready to date or you aren't, don't do this half in half out weak bullshit. Stuff like this is worse than "I am her friend but I'm scared to ask her on a date" because at least there the person knows what they want. What you have is way more annoying, how long you gon fret over your ex? Do you still have her on fb? Do you still talk to her? (please god saw no to all the above)

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Eugggghh no luck whatsoever dating right now. Really getting me down. Figured I'd dedicate this week to self improvement, going to the gym and maybe learning to cook more exciting things.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Well they are people who you don't talk about any personal stuff with and you don't really want to share any career ambitions with them anyway so . . .who cares?



Why are you indulging in an ex? You are either ready to date or you aren't, don't do this half in half out weak bullshit. Stuff like this is worse than "I am her friend but I'm scared to ask her on a date" because at least there the person knows what they want. What you have is way more annoying, how long you gon fret over your ex? Do you still have her on fb? Do you still talk to her? (please god saw no to all the above)

Haha, touche

 

[Izuna]

Why are you indulging in an ex? You are either ready to date or you aren't, don't do this half in half out weak bullshit. Stuff like this is worse than "I am her friend but I'm scared to ask her on a date" because at least there the person knows what they want. What you have is way more annoying, how long you gon fret over your ex? Do you still have her on fb? Do you still talk to her? (please god saw no to all the above)

Timeline of recent events:

Stopped all communication
Met new girl
2 weeks later
Best friends again with ex
Make plans with new girl
And Now

I don't think I am ready to "move on" and be unavailable unless she ends up with someone else, part of why I want it to happen. It's either that, or magic happens and we can end up together. It's like whether or not I expect a half-empty or half-full situation, but because I don't know for sure I can't move on.

I'm not as bothered to start a new relationship with a new person, but turning people down who have nothing wrong with them makes me feel like a butt.

I really think the solution is to just reject the idea of being in a relationship. I'm too... honest?

A number of months ago I was inches away from having sex with someone else but I couldn't go on with it. I don't want to get that close and jilt, and make someone else cry again.

(disclaimer, ex knows everything as it happens)

 

[jdstorm]

What I want to do? I want to do a photographer education. We are currently looking into if it is possible to get into a school this Summer. I'm also learning a second language. I went to the gym today and is gonna sign up on Friday. I'm gonna start running the next morning, and my app on my phone is ready. I went on a date with a new girl yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I surprised my mother with a flower today and she got real happy. I'm gonna bring my father on a boat trip next week and he seems excited. And I think I have two more dates coming up. And I started my medication again today, and I am now gonna try hard to replace alcohol and soda with water and chocolate milk which I did today. I think I am beginning to feel pretty hopeful. Now it's just the nights that can be tough on me when I start thinking about my ex while trying to fall asleep.

I really hope I can get into that education though.

The great thing about photography is that it's more accessible then ever Start up an Instagram account, start listening to photography podcasts. If you have a modern smartphone that's probably got a good enough camera to get started on building a portfolio. There's plenty you can learn right now before studying that will help you when you do start.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Timeline of recent events:

Stopped all communication
Met new girl
2 weeks later
Best friends again with ex

What the fuck is this bullshit?

Make plans with new girl
And Now

I don't think I am ready to "move on"

Oh shit I wonder why :/ (refer to bolded for reason)

and be unavailable unless she ends up with someone else, part of why I want it to happen. It's either that, or magic happens and we can end up together. It's like whether or not I expect a half-empty or half-full situation, but because I don't know for sure I can't move on.

You aren't going to "move on" until you go no contact with your ex. Don't give us excuses bout "it's hard" and "I can handle it" cause clearly you can't.

I'm not as bothered to start a new relationship with a new person, but turning people down who have nothing wrong with them makes me feel like a butt.

I really think the solution is to just reject the idea of being in a relationship. I'm too... honest?

A number of months ago I was inches away from having sex with someone else but I couldn't go on with it. I don't want to get that close and jilt, and make someone else cry again.

Really I dunno what you're saying here but if you ain't over your ex go no contact for the forseeable future bruh. Anything else you have to say on this matter is invalid until you do this. And break it off with the new girl asap too. She shouldn't have to put up with you fawning over some girl you magically went from in a relationship to best friends. If you wanna be really honest, do that shit bruh.

 

[Messofanego]

It's not so much feelings, but the strong sense of passiveness that comes off all your posts. You seem to entirely happy having no agency over your life and how relationships develop.

You claim you were actively dating and yet as soon as your "friend" told you she had feels, you just fell into line and leapt at the opportunity.

Not a single shred of self worth on display. It's horrifying someone can be happy living so passively.

I'm scared to ask who broke it off because I get the sense you'd lie and say it was you to try and show you're not so helpless in taking the reigns of your own life.

Good God almighty. I need to go ly dow

I mean, we saw his posts in the other thread, maybe that level of masochism is his thing

I think I probably have a higher tolerance for this kind of abuse than most, though...

We had like a whole thread about "nice guys" where we discussed that being honest with your intentions early on is better than hoping for that one tiny chance they later clock on to what you actually want. Rejection early on is better so you can move along quick instead of bottling up all your emotions for a girl and then letting them out in an incredibly embarrassing way where the other person has never picked up on the signals and doesn't think the same of you.

 

[Izuna]

What the fuck is this bullshit?

Our relationship is hard, but it's circumstances that pulls us away, not because we don't love each other. She also doesn't deserve to lose one of her closest ever friends because the relationship doesn't work out.

But I guess there isn't anything for me to figure out. I'm just not in the place to date anyone rn, because of my old feelings and because my ex and I are having issues.

Single sounds so much better. No broken hearts, no tears (f)or fears.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Our relationship is hard, but it's circumstances that pulls us away, not because we don't love each other. She also doesn't deserve to lose one of her closest ever friends because the relationship doesn't work out.

But I guess there isn't anything for me to figure out. I'm just not in the place to date anyone rn, because of my old feelings and because my ex and I are having issues.

Single sounds so much better. No broken hearts, no tears (f)or fears.

Nah, your relationship is easy, you're just trying to make it hard. Also just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be in a relationship. And just no about not fair to lose a best friend, that's just weird.

 

[Pachimari]

Perhaps use some of that evening time to research and study up on photography then? If you wake up in the morning with more knowledge than you had the day before, especially if it's about something you're passionate about, it can be a pretty big boost to you're overall sense of worth.

Also when you have a conversation with someone about photography, if you can speak and show you're knowledgeable and interested, you'll be interesting, which will give you a huge boost to your self-esteem.

If you want to get into photography, start investing in it now, don't wait until you find a spot in a school.

The great thing about photography is that it's more accessible then ever Start up an Instagram account, start listening to photography podcasts. If you have a modern smartphone that's probably got a good enough camera to get started on building a portfolio. There's plenty you can learn right now before studying that will help you when you do start.

Oh yeah I'm already doing that. I'm at a studio with people who have worked with photography the past 30 years, and I'm using a Canon 60D and just for some stunning photos from a vacation. I just seem to have a hard time focusing on anything for more than a few minutes until I start thinking about my ex and my whole situation. I'm actually to the studio again tomorrow to edit some of my photos.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Our relationship is hard, but it's circumstances that pulls us away, not because we don't love each other.

If yall were meant to be together you would still be together. Sorry to say bruh but your story is not a special case and relationships that fizzle out are not some undying strong bond that only severed due to fates cold hearted cleave. You guys couldnt make it work, that's it. Its nothing more than that.

She also doesn't deserve to lose one of her closest ever friends because the relationship doesn't work out.

All right. You stay on that save her from herself shit man. But dont complain about your misery but also indulge in what makes you miserable to be "noble". That's not sensitive or selfless, its annoying.

But I guess there isn't anything for me to figure out. I'm just not in the place to date anyone rn, because of my old feelings and because my ex and I are having issues.

Single sounds so much better. No broken hearts, no tears (f)or fears.

This is really dramatic for a purely self inflicted issue. This is extremely simple. You cant get over your ex because you refuse to separate yourself from her. Be single then. But you are never gonna be able to date other people while you indulge in this selfless act of being her bestie because she needs you crap.

 

[Kurtofan]

my crush talked to me again, im such a cowarddddddd i want to ask her out so baddddd but im too scared

i think I creeped out two american girls in the subway today, I was about to talk to them but they changed wagons lol. (maybe im reading too much into that)

the girl who called me two weeks ago isn't answering my texts. sigh.

 

[Llyranor]

I even went to help her set up a dating profile and made it cool that I can give her advice, but I see how it's going for her and I feel bad.

Stopped all communication
2 weeks later
Best friends again with ex

She also doesn't deserve to lose one of her closest ever friends because the relationship doesn't work out.
because of my old feelings and because my ex and I are having issues.

You guys are weird. I mean, actively trying to be bff with a girl you're in love with but who doesn't want to be your gf anymore to the point of helping her set up a dating site, really? You can keep this source of emotional pain close to your heart instead of actively trying to move on, but the ball's in your court.

I really hope you're not trying for the 'nice guy' approach to win her back.

All right. You stay on that save her from herself shit man. But dont complain about your misery but also indulge in what makes you miserable to be "noble". That's not sensitive or selfless, its annoying.

I doubt it's selfless. At this point, you'll take whatever attention he can get from her, however the form. Am I wrong?

 

[Izuna]

If yall were meant to be together you would still be together. Sorry to say bruh but your story is not a special case and relationships that fizzle out are not some undying strong bond that only severed due to fates cold hearted cleave. You guys couldnt make it work, that's it. Its nothing more than that.



All right. You stay on that save her from herself shit man. But dont complain about your misery but also indulge in what makes you miserable to be "noble". That's not sensitive or selfless, its annoying.



This is really dramatic for a purely self inflicted issue. This is extremely simple. You cant get over your ex because you refuse to separate yourself from her. Be single then. But you are never gonna be able to date other people while you indulge in this selfless act of being her bestie because she needs you crap.

Fair enough. I figured. Thanks for the straight-forward response.

You guys are weird. I mean, actively trying to be bff with a girl you're in love with but who doesn't want to be your gf anymore to the point of helping her set up a dating site, really? You can keep this source of emotional pain close to your heart instead of actively trying to move on, but the ball's in your court.

I really hope you're not trying for the 'nice guy' approach to win her back.

Certainly not. Us being apart is tentative as we're separated by distance. It keeps coming up and every time it's emotional for us both. The reason why I write like it's her prerogative is because the reason we have distance problems revolves around stuff that's going on in her life. Dying dog that cannot travel etc. vs. me (finally) graduating this year but taking exams in 2 months time.

But this isn't about "us", it's more to do with why I have to cancel on yet another person. I have no problem being where this is but I feel responsible for leading other people on.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I doubt it's selfless. At this point, you'll take whatever attention he can get from her, however the form. Am I wrong?

Never is my man, it never is

Fair enough. I figured. Thanks for the straight-forward response.

Tis what I do.

But this isn't about "us", it's more to do with why I have to cancel on yet another person. I have no problem being where this is but I feel responsible for leading other people on.

"Sorry I can't go on a date with you cause I'm still on this save my ex from heart break shit. We can't go on anymore dates"

Seems pretty easy to me.

 

[Izuna]

"Sorry I can't go on a date with you cause I'm still on this save my ex from heart break shit. We can't go on anymore dates"

Seems pretty easy to me.

Already said this, she insisted haha. I think part of problem is that I'd like to just be friends but last time I asked that, it didn't go too well. Maybe it'll work this time.

I need more female friends that aren't romantic interests.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Already said this, she insisted haha. I think part of problem is that I'd like to just be friends but last time I asked that, it didn't go too well. Maybe it'll work this time.

I need more female friends that aren't romantic interests.

You can just say no. The whole "she insisted" thing is not a real thing. Say no and then don't do it :/

And why do you need more female friends if you aren't looking to date? Why does it matter if they are women?

 

[Tacorona72]

Can I get some advice from you guys?

I know it's probably been discussed here many times before, but what are some good ways to keep cool when talking with women? Considering I have very few female friends I am not very good at talking with women so most of the time when I want to talk with one I end up overthinking/overanalyzing everything therefore becoming extremely nervous, especially on dates. Also, what are some good conversation starters?

 

[GK86]

Talk to them like they are human beings and not unicorns.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Can I get some advice from you guys?

I know it's probably been discussed here many times before, but what are some good ways to keep cool when talking with women? Considering I have very few female friends I am not very good at talking with women so most of the time when I want to talk with one I end up overthinking/overanalyzing everything therefore becoming extremely nervous, especially on dates. Also, what are some good conversation starters?

Ways to keep cool? Pretend it's not a girl. Conversation starters should be anything you feel comfortable with, like some are better than others but I think it should be topics you can at least input to so that you actually have a conversation instead of just having the conversation keep dying.

Talk to them like they are human beings and not unicorns.

:lol Girl I knew recently used the term unicorn when trying to find someone online.

 

[Llyranor]

Talk to them like they are human beings and not unicorns.

Also, talk to them as equals. You're an awesome guy, not someone who has to trick or convince them that you're worthy of their time. You are already worth their time just by being yourself.

 

[Izuna]

You can just say no. The whole "she insisted" thing is not a real thing. Say no and then don't do it :/

And why do you need more female friends if you aren't looking to date? Why does it matter if they are women?

Botanical parks, cartoons, froyo, museums etc. Girls have monopoly on similar interests.

 

[Tacorona72]

Talk to them like they are human beings and not unicorns.

Simple enough.

Ways to keep cool? Pretend it's not a girl. Conversation starters should be anything you feel comfortable with, like some are better than others but I think it should be topics you can at least input to so that you actually have a conversation instead of just having the conversation keep dying.

I definitely need to keep this in mind cause I always bring up slightly uninteresting or unrelatable topics. Thanks.

Also, talk to them as equals. You're an awesome guy, not someone who has to trick or convince them that you're worthy of their time. You are already worth their time just by being yourself.

I mean I talk to everyone as equals regardless of sex, race, age, etc. Thanks for the advice.

 

[GK86]

Do you freeze up with your guy friends?

 

[Tacorona72]

Do you freeze up with your guy friends?

Not at all.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Botanical parks, cartoons, froyo, museums etc. Girls have monopoly on similar interests.

No.

Your guy friends just suck if that is your criteria. (God I want froyo now)

 

[Izuna]

No.

Your guy friends just suck if that is your criteria. (God I want froyo now)

They're so closeted, pretending to be "bros" usually. That expectation of brosiety doesn't affect women. Hence the monopoly.

--

I'll try to friend-zone this chick, and maybe we can all win.

 

[gaiages]

Botanical parks, cartoons, froyo, museums etc. Girls have monopoly on similar interests.

Odd, I know more guys that like frozen yogurt, museums and cartoons than I know women that like that stuff No one I know like gardens though. It's too hot here to go outside, darnit.

But why can't you make friends with women and them not be romantic interests, exactly? I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to move on from your ex (because something tells me you're not gonna listen to any of us), but I can't see why you can't just not make friends with other women. Why not try Meetup instead of a dating website, if that's your real goal?

They're so closeted, pretending to be "bros" usually. That expectation of brosiety doesn't affect women. Hence the monopoly.

--

I'll try to friend-zone this chick, and maybe we can all win.

Christ, if you don't wanna date her, just cut it off. Friend zoning doesn't works well for anyone.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

They're so closeted, pretending to be "bros" usually. That expectation of brosiety doesn't affect women. Hence the monopoly.

--

I'll try to friend-zone this chick, and maybe we can all win.

Maybe you just need to find not shitty people? Your handful of friends aren't all guys just like the chick you keep clinging to for dear life isn't all women. You're making up stuff to statisfy yourself, none of it is based in reality. I've done all those things with guy friends, I have not done all of those things with women... People are individuals, it's not a thing that no man ever has liked a museum.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

They're so closeted, pretending to be "bros" usually. That expectation of brosiety doesn't affect women. Hence the monopoly.

Dude, me and my friend went to an aquarium and looked at fish for like 2 hours for a hangout. There is no broseity, your friends just suck. Though tbh given how you treat women you aren't doing much better in the "brosiety" department either.

 

[Izuna]

Odd, I know more guys that like frozen yogurt, museums and cartoons than I know women that like that stuff No one I know like gardens though. It's too hot here to go outside, darnit.

But why can't you make friends with women and them not be romantic interests, exactly? I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to move on from your ex (because something tells me you're not gonna listen to any of us), but I can't see why you can't just not make friends with other women. Why not try Meetup instead of a dating website, if that's your real goal?

Which is what I did, used Meetup.com. I personally don't go on dating websites.

It's just that when a girl is interested in me, is not usually because want to be friends -- and it's my longing for that friendship that makes keeps me trying to mould it into one and not a date.

There is a bunch of assumption that some girls make that if a guy wants to talk and hang out with them, he's interested romantically.

Christ, if you don't wanna date her, just cut it off. Friend zoning doesn't works well for anyone.

I thought that last paragraphed reeked with sarcasm. My apologies. Of course I know that guys are interested in the stuff, I am a guy, I thought it was obvious I was joking.

Dude, me and my friend went to an aquarium and looked at fish for like 2 hours for a hangout. There is no broseity, your friends just suck. Though tbh given how you treat women you aren't doing much better in the "brosiety" department either.

I definitely need to meet better people.

That's the lesson learnt here. New friends, not new romantic interests.

 

[torontoml]

:lol Smooth

Yeah lol, unsurprisingly I haven't heard from her again.

Other girl did confirm and we did go for a drive for awhile, and a kiss at the end, so I think it went well. Now to see if she wants to go again later this week.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Which is what I did, used Meetup.com. I personally don't go on dating websites.

It's just that when a girl is interested in me, is not usually because want to be friends -- and it's my longing for that friendship that makes keeps me trying to mould it into one and not a date.

There is a bunch of assumption that some girls make that if a guy wants to talk and hang out with them, he's interested romantically.



I thought that last paragraphed reeked with sarcasm. My apologies. Of course I know that guys are interested in the stuff, I am a guy, I thought it was obvious I was joking.I definitely need to meet better people.

That's the lesson learnt here. New friends, not new romantic interests.

Learn to set boundaries, it's not something that all women do that they only spend time with men to date.

 

[Izuna]

Learn to set boundaries, it's not something that all women do that they only spend time with men to date.

Certainly not, I remember being a schoolkid.

Last time I had a bunch of fun was with a girl I worked with. We went to my fav burger place, chilled in the park, and spent the extra few hours until sundown at a coffee shop gossiping -- it was the night we had the blood moon.

So the day (or two) later she was avoiding me because apparently her boyfriend from back home got all jealous. I wish I could eat homosexual zombie brains like that dude from iZombie, so I keep these friendships. Actually maybe its a cultural thing. Pretty much all of my jobs have had no British employees.

--

Next time was the last time I used OkCupid, where the girl I went to a museums and park with claimed "boys and girls can't be friends, he would be a spare tire" or some shit. (I said I wasn't single at that time before meeting so it was like I was scammed).