Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Good points

I'm talking to one other girl, but it's just conversation. She says life's too hectic right now, and she was the one who messaged me.

Still waiting to hear from the other girl who kissed me, and I don't understand her.

Sent out a couple of messages last night. One was to a single mom, which I kind of regret, because I'm not a kid person. POF is full of single moms, too.
 
So in other news.

That feel when you push someone away, and that's when they chase you down, but they're too cute for you to be angry at them.

Good looks should be a crime.

--

And after a bit of talking... I've invested the last bit of money I could spend (and was saving for an awesome collection of dates) on my Mobile game. It's going super well. Artists are all delivering, and oh my goodness, the music is on another level. Just gotta finish up the programming. But means though that August may or may not be called off but at the very least, I'm being commended for perusing my passion.

... and that comes with a bunch of encouraging comfort.

Best decision ever was to be single. =P
 
Early May I had a blind date with a really awesome girl, we hit it off and there were no awkward silences... she was interested in my stories I told and laughed her head off at my random jokes and observations. I was more proactive then as I felt really positive about the whole experience, messaged her hours after getting home (saying we should do it again soon and such). She replied back that although I'm an amazing guy, I'm not the right one for her - she's after her soulmate and didn't feel I was "it".

That was a kick in the you know what considering the date itself went extremely well lol.

TBH something like that should be taken as a good thing, as you dodged a HUGE bullet there. People like that have a very infantile/immature mindset brought on by too many Disney movies and romantic comedies and tend to be clingy/needy and have very unrealistic expectations.
 
I was messaged by a girl who had the following tidbits in her profile:

"I think couch potatoes are losers"
"I want a guy who only has eyes for me"
"I don't like drama"
"I prefer Middle Eastern men only" (I'm white lol)

She's extremely attractive, apparently a model, too. Am I crazy to ignore her message based on these potential red flags?
 
I was messaged by a girl who had the following tidbits in her profile:

"I think couch potatoes are losers"
"I want a guy who only has eyes for me"
"I don't like drama"
"I prefer Middle Eastern men only" (I'm white lol)

She's extremely attractive, apparently a model, too. Am I crazy to ignore her message based on these potential red flags?
How desperate are you?
 
Went on a date last night and it led to sex. But I felt like garbage afterwards. I'm just not past by my ex. I felt like reaching out and begging her today. Instead I went and deleted any pics and voicemails I still had of her. Gotta keep the NC going strong. I can't continue punishing myself by loving someone who doesn't love me
 
I was messaged by a girl who had the following tidbits in her profile:

"I think couch potatoes are losers"
"I want a guy who only has eyes for me"
"I don't like drama"
"I prefer Middle Eastern men only" (I'm white lol)

She's extremely attractive, apparently a model, too. Am I crazy to ignore her message based on these potential red flags?

"I think couch potatoes are losers" is saying "Every date is going to have to be a huge production, which of course you will be paying for."

"I want a guy who only has eyes for me" is saying "If you have any female friends, I will fly into a jealous rage if you talk with them and I will constantly be snooping on your phone. I f you want to go out with your guy friends, I will tag along"

"I don't like drama" is saying "I have a crazy ex/baby daddy who I will bring up constantly before I go back to dating him, oh yeah, by the way he'll probably send you some threatening texts as well".

Not even gonna touch the Middle Eastern part except to say she probably has daddy issues.

Run away. If you are more on the pale scale of white it's probably a bot anyway.

Went on a date last night and it led to sex. But I felt like garbage afterwards. I'm just not past by my ex. I felt like reaching out and begging her today. Instead I went and deleted any pics and voicemails I still had of her. Gotta keep the NC going strong. I can't continue punishing myself by loving someone who doesn't love me

Also make sue to block her from your phone and social media, this will prevent any late night stalkerish "oh what is she up to?" moments that only lead to reopening old wounds.
 
Nothing yet. :/

If she doesn't reply or rejects me, I may need to find another salon to go to. Hopefully that won't happen, though, because this one is uber cheap.

I got ghosted by a girl. Saw her at this event for a thing we are both involved in. It wasnt weird. Moral of the story? Go to the same place,dont mention the message, live your life. Yolo.
 
As amazing as you claim her to be - she still hasn't broken up with her boyfriend. That's pretty much what it boils down to. What does this say about her and her values?

She's okay with stringing along you. She's okay with emotionally investing herself in someone else even though her boyfriend is apparently "her entire life". And as much as she's into you, apparently it's not enough for her to break up with her boyfriend and give it a shot with you.

Maybe it will change and she'll break up with him and you can be together. Though situations like this rarely pan out this way...

I don't really think you're an asshole. I've been in situation like this before. Emotions can be powerful, and you'll learn a lot from the experience regardless.

If you were in a relationship, and it was pleasant enough - but you met someone who you truly connected on a different, greater level, what would you do if said person was 100% willing to give it a shot? Would you break up with your current girlfriend? Or would you do what this girl is doing to you and her current boyfriend?

Ok. really late reply. Sorry, was pretty busy.

About the bolded, I could have worded that better. Her Dutch words would translate to: "I'm content with my life. And he just happens to be in it." So she's happy with her life. He's not her entire life.

And what is says about her values....I don't know. My values have always been not to be the other guy. And those values are unfortunately much more flexible when I'm around her. She agreed with you by the way. She also said: I cheated on my boyfriend with you. What does that say about me? How will you be able to trust me? She says stuff like this. It sounds weird in this situation, but I feel she's been pretty honest to me (just not to her boyfriend...), she hasn't strung me along.

And the fact she hasn't chosen me...she's known and loved the guy for eight years. They live together. She doesn't know if we'll last for one day, one week, one year....how do you make the decision to uproot your entire life? And she's in a financially tight situation as well. That's not the main factor, but it's something to keep in mind.

So, about your last paragraph; I have no clue what I would do. If I would throw away the pleasant, secure life, the decent relationship...There's no guarantee we'll work out together. It's not an easy, light decision to make.
 
Careful with that red flag talk...

Went on a date last night and it led to sex. But I felt like garbage afterwards. I'm just not past by my ex. I felt like reaching out and begging her today. Instead I went and deleted any pics and voicemails I still had of her. Gotta keep the NC going strong. I can't continue punishing myself by loving someone who doesn't love me

At least you're starting the process of moving on. Take the advice of blocking her everywhere, the desire to message her will get much worse before it gets better. You need to make sure you don't have any avenues left open to talk to her/for her to message you if you want to move on and find someone who actually wants to be with you.
 
Ok. really late reply. Sorry, was pretty busy.

About the bolded, I could have worded that better. Her Dutch words would translate to: "I'm content with my life. And he just happens to be in it." So she's happy with her life. He's not her entire life.

And what is says about her values....I don't know. My values have always been not to be the other guy. And those values are unfortunately much more flexible when I'm around her. She agreed with you by the way. She also said: I cheated on my boyfriend with you. What does that say about me? How will you be able to trust me? She says stuff like this. It sounds weird in this situation, but I feel she's been pretty honest to me (just not to her boyfriend...), she hasn't strung me along.

And the fact she hasn't chosen me...she's known and loved the guy for eight years. They live together. She doesn't know if we'll last for one day, one week, one year....how do you make the decision to uproot your entire life? And she's in a financially tight situation as well. That's not the main factor, but it's something to keep in mind.

So, about your last paragraph; I have no clue what I would do. If I would throw away the pleasant, secure life, the decent relationship...There's no guarantee we'll work out together. It's not an easy, light decision to make.

I'd back off, as you said you did in your last post. You've expressed your interest in her, now it's on her to decide what she's going to do. Definitely wouldn't wait on her, though. There are plenty of women out there without this type of baggage - and this seems like a drama-induced train wreck in the making.

I guess when it comes to uprooting one's life (for any reason), there is no simple solution. A person either has the courage and willpower to take the risk and see where it goes, or they don't. Depends on how much that person values the potential shift in their life. In this case, it seems her 8 years of comfort and security will overpower her strong emotions for you.
 
Bah doesn't look like that Spanish girl date is happening. Balances out the good dates the past two weeks I guess. Onward, though I now have a serious lack of options. Who's in Cork Ireland wanting to go out and PARTY tonight?????? Actually I'll probably just sit down at home in a calm manner.
 
Careful with that red flag talk...



At least you're starting the process of moving on. Take the advice of blocking her everywhere, the desire to message her will get much worse before it gets better. You need to make sure you don't have any avenues left open to talk to her/for her to message you if you want to move on and find someone who actually wants to be with you.


Yep. I made sure I have no way of contacting her. I made that mistake Monday and begged and pleaded how we could make everything work. That ended horribly for me and I don't want to deal with that type of rejection from her again lol
 
Yep. I made sure I have no way of contacting her. I made that mistake Monday and begged and pleaded how we could make everything work. That ended horribly for me and I don't want to deal with that type of rejection from her again lol

Something to keep in mind going forward.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, don't beg for their attention or to be with them. It's their loss and it leaves you free to find someone better.

Doesn't matter how special you think they are. How much of a pedestal you've put them on. No-one and I do mean no-one is that special or rare that you have to abandon your self respect and resort to begging.

You've got just as much self worth as them. I'm sure you realise this now with the steps you're taking, but it's worth repeating sometimes...
 
This thing tonight is sorta annoying. Like I asked earlier if she still wanted to meet and she was like sure. Got back to her to confirm and got silence for a couple of hours. Then she said she had just finished work. Then I asked if we were still on and... nothing. Like just say nah and it's not a problem. She seemed pretty keen and stuff but it changed I guess. I suppose this would be a re... a really bad flag for this girl?
 
Something to keep in mind going forward.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, don't beg for their attention or to be with them. It's their loss and it leaves you free to find someone better.

Doesn't matter how special you think they are. How much of a pedestal you've put them on. No-one and I do mean no-one is that special or rare that you have to abandon your self respect and resort to begging.

You've got just as much self worth as them. I'm sure you realise this now with the steps you're taking, but it's worth repeating sometimes...

Pretty much, care about yourself enough that you wouldn't beg anyone for something like that.
 
Something to keep in mind going forward.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, don't beg for their attention or to be with them. It's their loss and it leaves you free to find someone better.

Doesn't matter how special you think they are. How much of a pedestal you've put them on. No-one and I do mean no-one is that special or rare that you have to abandon your self respect and resort to begging.

You've got just as much self worth as them. I'm sure you realise this now with the steps you're taking, but it's worth repeating sometimes...

You're damn right. I just poured so much into that relationship and thought she was the "one". But obviously she's not. I wish I could of handled the break up better, because now she probably views me as trash. But at least I can move forward without thinking "what if".
 
This thing tonight is sorta annoying. Like I asked earlier if she still wanted to meet and she was like sure. Got back to her to confirm and got silence for a couple of hours. Then she said she had just finished work. Then I asked if we were still on and... nothing. Like just say nah and it's not a problem. She seemed pretty keen and stuff but it changed I guess. I suppose this would be a re... a really bad flag for this girl?

She tells you she's finished work but doesn't confirm if she's on for tonight? Weird. How long ago did you send the second message?

Might be a good idea to start making my own plans so you're not stuck at home getting frustrated. She had plenty opportunities to confirm if she was interested or not but chose to ignore that part of your messages...
 
She tells you she's finished work but doesn't confirm if she's on for tonight? Weird. How long ago did you send the second message?

Might be a good idea to start making my own plans so you're not stuck at home getting frustrated. She had plenty opportunities to confirm if she was interested or not but chose to ignore that part of your messages...

So we kinda organized Wednesday and I checked in with her at noon asking how she was. She said a bit tired but not too tired for tonight. So I got back to her at around 2 asking if we were on. Nothing. tried again at 5. She got back at 5:30 about the work thing so I tried again. I don't think it was an unreasonable amount of messages there anyway, I gotta get a bus and stuff so I need a bit of prep time. It's strange cause she's always been very quick responding.

And yeah I don't have any friends to go out with really. it's annoying.
 
So we kinda organized Wednesday and I checked in with her at noon asking how she was. She said a bit tired but not too tired for tonight. So I got back to her at around 2 asking if we were on. Nothing. tried again at 5. She got back at 5:30 about the work thing so I tried again. I don't think it was an unreasonable amount of messages there anyway, I gotta get a bus and stuff so I need a bit of prep time. It's strange cause she's always been very quick responding.

And yeah I don't have any friends to go out with really. it's annoying.

Yeah, don't message again.Seems she flaked.

No friends doesn't mean you can't go out and have fun. Head to the cinema, go to a bar, a club, treat yourself to dinner with the money you put aside for the date. Do something. It's Friday night, there will be lots of people out alone, so don't worry about that aspect.
 
Got a reply, but it's not exactly what I hoped for:

Hey Chewie,

Yeah I'm open to new friendships! It'd be great to have a gaming buddy. Do you have a ps4 ID? If so I'll add ya tonight. Do you like coffee? Perhaps we can grab one sometime slightsmile emoticon

I'm glad you love your haircut! I'm passionate about what I do, it's kinda my jam wink emoticon

Talk soon!
 
Got a reply, but it's not exactly what I hoped for:

Hey Chewie,

Yeah I'm open to new friendships! It'd be great to have a gaming buddy. Do you have a ps4 ID? If so I'll add ya tonight. Do you like coffee? Perhaps we can grab one sometime slightsmile emoticon

I'm glad you love your haircut! I'm passionate about what I do, it's kinda my jam wink emoticon

Talk soon!


Well, at least she was direct with you. Some women can be a little misleading
 
Got a reply, but it's not exactly what I hoped for:

Hey Chewie,

Yeah I'm open to new friendships! It'd be great to have a gaming buddy. Do you have a ps4 ID? If so I'll add ya tonight. Do you like coffee? Perhaps we can grab one sometime slightsmile emoticon

I'm glad you love your haircut! I'm passionate about what I do, it's kinda my jam wink emoticon

Talk soon!
A girl who's asks for your PSN ID, I like her already lol.
 
Yeah, don't message again.Seems she flaked.

No friends doesn't mean you can't go out and have fun. Head to the cinema, go to a bar, a club, treat yourself to dinner with the money you put aside for the date. Do something. It's Friday night, there will be lots of people out alone, so don't worry about that aspect.

Hmmm she just got back to me. She's an au pair and said ''Problems everywhere. Sorry but the parents had to go to a funeral and I'm staying home with the kids''

Like funerals don't just pop up but maybe she didn't know about it. I would just cut it off but she's always been very enthusiastic to meet and has always responded. If she wanted our=t she could've just ghosted me here...

ounym.gif



And I hear you about solo stuff, that's a next step i gotta take!
 
Hmmm she just got back to me. She's an au pair and said ''Problems everywhere. Sorry but the parents had to go to a funeral and I'm staying home with the kids''

Like funerals don't just pop up but maybe she didn't know about it. I would just cut it off but she's always been very enthusiastic to meet and has always responded. If she wanted our=t she could've just ghosted me here...

ounym.gif



And I hear you about solo stuff, that's a next step i gotta take!

In fact im going to a dancing club solo for the first time in my life tonight. Friends get old and people getting married. Lets see how this goes.
 
Probably too misleading. Now what do I do?

Hey A,

I figured you wouldn't mind if I added you. Thanks again for the great haircut and beard trim. It's one of the best I've gotten in quite some time.

I was wondering if, perhaps, you'd like to game sometime or do something else. You seem like a really nice, down-to-earth, genuine and interesting person, and we share similar interests.

Best,

Chewie.
 
Probably too misleading. Now what do I do?

Hey A,

I figured you wouldn't mind if I added you. Thanks again for the great haircut and beard trim. It's one of the best I've gotten in quite some time.

I was wondering if, perhaps, you'd like to game sometime or do something else. You seem like a really nice, down-to-earth, genuine and interesting person, and we share similar interests.

Best,

Chewie.


I mean.. If the attraction is there for both parties, something will happen. Me and my ex met online and all she wanted was friends. So we agreed to meet up, grab some food, and watch GOT. Sure enough we ended up spending the whole weekend together after that.
 
In fact im going to a dancing club solo for the first time in my life tonight. Friends get old and people getting married. Lets see how this goes.

Have a good one, man! And I hear you about marriage and girlfriends etc. Like i don't have friends friends but the people I sorta kinda know are settled down already.
 
I was wondering if, perhaps, you'd like to game sometime or do something else. You seem like a really nice, down-to-earth, genuine and interesting person, and we share similar interests.

That's kinda vague, nothing about that really says date. But you can always move it towards something more when you meet up.

Hmmm she just got back to me. She's an au pair and said ''Problems everywhere. Sorry but the parents had to go to a funeral and I'm staying home with the kids''

Like funerals don't just pop up but maybe she didn't know about it. I would just cut it off but she's always been very enthusiastic to meet and has always responded. If she wanted our=t she could've just ghosted me here...

Seems kinda fishy to me, I've never heard of a funeral at night. Maybe they meant wake/visitation, but really a lot of people will seem into going out and then will flake or ghost at the last minute. I would probably just throw one more text saying something like "let me know when you're free" and then move on.
 
I mean.. If the attraction is there for both parties, something will happen. Me and my ex met online and all she wanted was friends. So we agreed to meet up, grab some food, and watch GOT. Sure enough we ended up spending the whole weekend together after that.

True. There's hope for that, but with my luck...

I wish I could hint it, though, through a reply.
 
Got a reply, but it's not exactly what I hoped for:

Hey Chewie,

Yeah I'm open to new friendships! It'd be great to have a gaming buddy. Do you have a ps4 ID? If so I'll add ya tonight. Do you like coffee? Perhaps we can grab one sometime slightsmile emoticon

I'm glad you love your haircut! I'm passionate about what I do, it's kinda my jam wink emoticon

Talk soon!

I don't want to assume, but this can be read two ways.

1. She doesn't want a relationship/to date, but wants new friends she thinks are cool. Everyone would like a cool gaming buddy they can hang out with to shoot the shit, go to midnight launches, etc.

2. She's suggesting friendship as a way to make sure you don't have any unrealistic expectations and she wants to get to know you before she considers anything else.

You wanted a relationship, that might not be on the table. You can either reject the offer of friendship and move on or you can work past your feelings/hopes/desires and be a friend to her with no expectation or secret hopes of it turning into something more.
 
True. There's hope for that, but with my luck...

I wish I could hint it, though, through a reply.

Don't. Stop talking online and just meet up with her for coffee and see what happens. Maybe you'll click -- you're not her friend yet, and whatever your "intentions" are, they don't matter at this point. And, hey, if you do just stay friends, it's possible she's got others to introduce you to.

At the very least, having more friends isn't a bad thing.
 
I don't want to assume, but this can be read two ways.

1. She doesn't want a relationship/to date, but wants new friends she thinks are cool. Everyone would like a cool gaming buddy they can hang out with to shoot the shit, go to midnight launches, etc.

2. She's suggesting friendship as a way to make sure you don't have any unrealistic expectations and she wants to get to know you before she considers anything else.

You wanted a relationship, that might not be on the table. You can either reject the offer of friendship and move on or you can work past your feelings/hopes/desires and be a friend to her with no expectation or secret hopes of it turning into something more.

Yup, the word friendship she added in there was a very planned move.

Based on how it read to me, i would say you got your answer.
 
Hmmm she just got back to me. She's an au pair and said ''Problems everywhere. Sorry but the parents had to go to a funeral and I'm staying home with the kids''

Like funerals don't just pop up but maybe she didn't know about it. I would just cut it off but she's always been very enthusiastic to meet and has always responded. If she wanted our=t she could've just ghosted me here...

ounym.gif



And I hear you about solo stuff, that's a next step i gotta take!

Yeah, suspect as all hell. Did she offer another day to meet or just make that excuse and bail from the conversation?
 
Have a good one, man! And I hear you about marriage and girlfriends etc. Like i don't have friends friends but the people I sorta kinda know are settled down already.


Yep. Now that I'm in my 30's I've noticed this too. My 2 best friends are both getting married this year and one of them just adopted. While I'm happy for them, I feel like I need I kinda rebuild my social circle. I'm not gonna meet anyone new just hanging at their houses lol
 
I hope she just wants to start as friends, but I feel defeated and as if I shouldn't have sent the message.


At least give it a go. I mean if nothing else, you gain a bad ass gamer chick friend.. I mean, like I said, my ex made her intentions clear when we talked that she wanted friends and nothing more. Shit changes lol


Plus, with each attempt at reaching out to people, the pain and fear of rejection lowers.
 
Seems kinda fishy to me, I've never heard of a funeral at night. Maybe they meant wake/visitation, but really a lot of people will seem into going out and then will flake or ghost at the last minute. I would probably just throw one more text saying something like "let me know when you're free" and then move on.

Yeah wake is what i was thinking cause they happen happen quick or whatever and maybe being Spainish she wasn't up on the lingo (wakes are called removals here)

Yeah, suspect as all hell. Did she offer another day to meet or just make that excuse and bail from the conversation?

no other day, that was how she left it. I'm leaning towards what gwailo says and just sending a final one leaving it up to her? Like I'm just going by past conversations, I should probably also add that we were going to meet last Sunday but i was sick and had to cancel.
 
At least give it a go. I mean if nothing else, you gain a bad ass gamer chick friend.. I mean, like I said, my ex made her intentions clear when we talked that she wanted friends and nothing more. Shit changes lol

Yeah, I'm telling myself to do that. It's just hard not knowing, because I've had a bit of a crush on this girl for years and never had the balls to say anything before. She's a lot of what I look for.

I don't do well without absolutes in life. My anxiety gets really bad if things aren't concrete, like it is now.
 
I hope she just wants to start as friends, but I feel defeated and as if I shouldn't have sent the message.

I would just ignore her and move on. If she reaches out again then go after the date. None of this psn name stuff. You don't want to date someone who is just interested in being friends with you.
 
no other day, that was how she left it. I'm leaning towards what gwailo says and just sending a final one leaving it up to her? Like I'm just going by past conversations, I should probably also add that we were going to meet last Sunday but i was sick and had to cancel.

Doesn't hurt. Keep it short and simple as gawilo said though.

No worries, let me know when you're free!
 
Probably too misleading. Now what do I do?

Hey A,

I figured you wouldn't mind if I added you. Thanks again for the great haircut and beard trim. It's one of the best I've gotten in quite some time.

I was wondering if, perhaps, you'd like to game sometime or do something else. You seem like a really nice, down-to-earth, genuine and interesting person, and we share similar interests.

Best,

Chewie.

I'm not trying to be a dick, but a few things.

Try to be more confident in how you talk. I was wondering, if perhaps you'd like to game sometime is riddled with insecurity and passiveness.

You could have said. Hey, let's play together sometime. Or Hey, do you play game X, let's have a game.

And the rest of the message isn't great either. Genuine, down to earth, blah, blah, blah. Keep your messages short and to the point. You don't need to massage their ego.

Again, not trying to be a dick here, just pointing out a few issues I'm seeing that you can work on, if you want to...
 
Yeah, I'm telling myself to do that. It's just hard not knowing, because I've had a bit of a crush on this girl for years and never had the balls to say anything before. She's a lot of what I look for.

I don't do well without absolutes in life. My anxiety gets really bad if things aren't concrete, like it is now.

Get coffee with her. See where things go and pick up on her vibe. Everything else you are creating in your head.

Agreed with above. If you want to date someone, then fuckin tell 'em.

"Hey _____, we should go out sometime. Want to get coffee next week?"
 
Doesn't hurt. Keep it short and simple as gawilo said though.

No worries, let me know when you're free!

Done, used what you said exactly.

Her: ''Of course, I really want to meet up!''

... Okay. I think I've done enough dating for tonight. i'll just say ''great, get in touch'' or something. She has always seemed eager but for one reason or another it's been a month now without meeting and she's going away for the weekend also. But maybe she's legit about everything.
 
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