Oops, my mistake
So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....
- Thread starter OCD Guy
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Oops, my mistake
sammyCYBORG
Member
Hey don't feel bad buddy, you presumably didn't create this thread to have it have "classic thread" status haha.
In terms of twists, maybe she was texting your father, or it was your alter-ego all along and you'd had some kinky role play thing going on.
Failing that, aliens.
SlipperyFishes
Banned
Over in Southsea I generally manage to avoid the chavvy types entirely somehow. Maybe I just walk everywhere with loud music in my ears!
Good to know HampshireGAF is more than me!
Yeah this is important to note.
Me using the ipad was nothing out of the ordinary. I wasn't snooping, as said there was nothing at all to make me think she was in contact with other guys in a sexual way.
A friend tried twisting it, but it's kinda like a shared device. The same way my laptop is.
The Elite
BOSS
Regarding Money and Possessions in the UK:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/
Seems like you should be ok, but I am not an expert.
Make sure you document everything.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/
Seems like you should be ok, but I am not an expert.
Make sure you document everything.
LOL. Brilliant.
.
If this whole thing has been some kind of Ikea viral marketing I'm going to go fucking mad.
*folds arms*
Moff
Member
cheaters always find a way to make themselves the victims
OP is absolutely right when he doesn't even want to talk to her
closure is an illusion
dealer-
Member
This probably. "Why you messin' with her stuff" etc. I think the friend sent a text last night alluding to the same sort of thing.
This is the worst part of situations like these, she could make up anything she likes.
I believe staying honest, being level headed, doing the right thing, etc... will definitely help, but I've also learnt that in future I'll be recording any situation that could go a way similar to this.
After having 3 people who witnessed me being attacked lie to the police and say I instigated it simply because I wouldn't let the person who did it get away with it, I've learnt that sometimes it doesn't matter how honest you are, how much you rise above it, or how often you do the right thing, people will believe what they're told by the majority more often than not.
The scariest part? I bet she's actually rationalised it and believes herself to be righteous. Obviously, she understands her guilt due to her reaction, but denial and reaffirmation of a lie can be an incredibly powerful thing.
Plus, it's been proven that as we lie over time, retelling specific events over and over, we tend to not only add embellishments as we do, but our memories actually become shaped by the little lies and our recollection of the events can twist to be something else entirely.
I'm sure many of you have experienced this in an argument with a SO or friend before, where you see in real time how they remember something that was said in the last few minutes as something completely different.
I'm sure most of us have done the exact same thing too.
So, OP, if they do come back and start screaming, or acting in any way that means you need to prevent them from entering or taking any kind of action they could twist, record it. All of it.
People can be dangerous when they get together and convince themselves of things.
Corpsepyre
Banned
So, you've not spoken to her AT ALL, really? She stormed off after you mentioned the dick pic thingy, and that was all there was to this discussion?
CliqWriter
Member
OP, I think you are taking all the right steps. I was hoping your gf would come back around w/o her loud mouth friend and talk to you.
She's ashamed and scared. (Hence her not really talking and running away from the situation). When she does talk to you, be nice and reassuring. She ruined the relationship not your will to be a gentleman.
She's ashamed and scared. (Hence her not really talking and running away from the situation). When she does talk to you, be nice and reassuring. She ruined the relationship not your will to be a gentleman.
Lana Del Rey
Banned
how? page redirects to download the app on my iPad
Honestly think this is a shitty and conceited thing to do. You're taking the initiative to escalate when it doesn't have to and just taking out rage on her right now to get immediate gratification. I think it's best to wait and at least talk with her. No shit she wasn't going to want to talk when the shock and awe of her mistakes come crashing in on her. I don't know why anyone would expect just immediate about face and grovelling and apologizing. You don't need to forgive her but settle it without blood and fire.
And yes this is obviously without her friend along.
She walked out last night after I brought the subject up.
I had a text from her friend, and my ex tried contacting me late last night. I imagine when her friend was asleep.
I ignored her, and she turned up at around 11am this morning. In between the last text from her I've had a sleep for a few hours, I'd imagine she did too.
OPs GF stormed out and came back with a friend as back up. That's not a good ground for discussion no matter how you look at it.
To be fair this is about making sure none of the stuff gets broken as much as him wanting to leave the place.
Close enough.
There's another somewhat lengthier version by another poster elsewhere in thread but I didn't think to bookmark it.
ReplacementPelican
Member
It was her decision to run away. OP would have spoken to her and tried to but this girl did something awful and then ran away, like fuck do you want someone like that. Nothing more really needs to be said.
Corpsepyre
Banned
Pretty fucked up. It's obvious she's guilty here and is admitting it indirectly. Nothing more you can do here but talking to her about the lease and having that axed.
Lana Del Rey
Banned
never mind
I got it to work
story checks out
good job everyone
I got it to work
story checks out
good job everyone
Take a break, McConaughey... You've earned it.
Just stop
Sounds more like fuck you got mine to me. Of course he has every reason to be angry but I don't think escalation is necessary or the right call at the moment. Talk. Without the friend.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Fuck this advice. Fuck settling it. It's already done.
Don't say shit.
Don't text shit.
Move your shit out. Period.
Did you use your money to buy it? Then it's yours. Move it.
Did she use her money to buy it? Then it's hers. Don't touch it.
Fucking being amicable. That's how you get ripped off.
Secure your shit. Furniture is expensive as shit.
You are not her life coach. You owe her nothing.
Tried that. She ran. Fuck a talk. Time to go. Alternative is you leave your shit in that flat to get slashed and trashed. I wouldn't risk it.
Pack shit and leave = No more escalation.
MrS
Banned
youdontsay.jpg
You are handling this perfectly OP.
As it should be given the info OP provided. His focus should be on moving his stuff and then moving on.
MarkMclovin
Member
Got a van coming OP? Packing up?
You know what I mean, did they go out together, some guy flirt with OCD girl and this loud mouth egged her on
Flintty
Member
.
Holy shit, I'm so glad you were joking. I'm impressed with your handling of this, remaining positive and trying to keep your sense of humour; I know it's hard.
I lived off Albert Road from 2003 - 2009 and loved it but ultimately was only there because I worked in the dockyard and moved out within a couple of years of passing my driving test. I actually missed the greenery of the outskirts and the general smell/feel of the area.
HampshireGAF! /beatschest
I'm sympathetic and forgiving to a fault and would like others to at least try reasoning before escalation.
Here already said that he's leaving, why would he leave good stuff behind? Just because he feels vindicated that she won't have anything doesn't mean that's the only reason they're doing it.
Moff
Member
that's what OP wanted, she didn't send the friend away
everything OP did was to deescalate, OP is a good guy
ppl who follow this kind of attitude tend to get walked all over in life. failure to see that a situation is fucked up beyond repair. there is a time to be amicable and to try and work things out, but jesus fkn christ dude. he tried that and she ran away. why even waste your time? what is there to gain?
Lasthope106
Member
The guts on the girl to bring a friend for backup. WTF is wrong with her.
I'll be honest, if she had come alone, we'd have been talking about it.
I don't want to stay here anymore, that's my right.
I also want my stuff. I'm not doing it out of spite, but why should I leave everything here?
So as well as her going behind my back I should be out of pocket when I eventually get another flat? I don't want to have to buy furniture again.
I'm not unwilling to talk, obviously my mind won't change, but I'll gladly talk to her, tell her that I won't be able to stay with her as I won't be able to trust her.
That's the type of shit she was probably drilling into her head all last night.
I don't think the window to let people realize their fault and at least come to terms is immediately after they've been exposed in their lie.
MarkMclovin
Member
He confronted her.
She had a pop at HIM, then locked herself in the bathroom.
When HE tried to talk to her, she fucked out to her arsehole friend.
She then tried to get a text convo going at like 3 in the morning or something. Way too late.
then she comes with her arsehole friend and he would only let her in without the friend. That didn't work.
Sorry, but the OP tried.
Pack up, move out, move on.
bangbang i'm a timpani
Banned
100% the other friend will go in and trash your stuff. i agree with what you're doing. bail.
Whew boy I just read the whole thing... good shit.
Whats the situation like on mutual friends? if you want to stay in touch with any of them I recommend you let them know the truth asap. She seems like the type to spin it so she looks sympathetic or even outright lie about it.
I've had a friend who had been cheated on, but his ex told all of their friends that he was abusive and hit her, so they didn't want to know him after that even though it was all bullshit.
Whats the situation like on mutual friends? if you want to stay in touch with any of them I recommend you let them know the truth asap. She seems like the type to spin it so she looks sympathetic or even outright lie about it.
I've had a friend who had been cheated on, but his ex told all of their friends that he was abusive and hit her, so they didn't want to know him after that even though it was all bullshit.
The Elite
BOSS
It isn't guts. It's fear. Fear of having to deal with confronting a chaotic and destructive situation that she created.
It's not that outrageous. From her point of view she doesn't know what he will do to her, being hurt.
It's not a shitty thing to do in the slightest. Instead of speaking with the OP about this, not only did she blow up, play the victim, and leave, but she got back-up and came back guns blazing.
I'm all for taking the higher road, but she's clearly not willing to communicate. OP has repeated he would like to talk about this, he has handled this like a decent person.
This is not blood and fire, this is OP getting himself out of a shit situation. It sounds like she'd been treating him like crap for a while, and she clearly has very little respect for him if she can sit looking at pictures of another guy's genitals giving the sex talk while OP is in the same room.
Removing his things and showing her she no longer has any control of the situation is the right move. If after that she wants to talk, she will be forced to do so on neutral territory without any ammunition (let me back into my flat).
Plus, again, you never know what his ex might be telling others, What if she makes something up about him that gets her friends so riled she gets other guys involved, and they turn up with violence in mind?
This is all very possible in situations like this, and OP should rightly consider himself first.
If in future he wants to give her the chance to speak with him to explain herself, he can decide to do that. Right now though, he's given her that chance and she's proven she'd rather make herself feel better than consider what she's done.
If she comes around at some point and approaches OP with a little humility, then maybe he can re-assess, but right now he's doing the right thing.
Eh. What the fuck do you expect? She cheated on him. End of story. There's no more trust left in the relationship. How do you expect OP to continue the relationship knowing that he can't trust her completely again? It's done. The relationship is over and OP as every right to want to move on ASAP and that includes protecting his own possessions/properties.
Not to mention she's the kind of shit person who resort to anger and gas-lighting when confronted with his/her mistake instead of communicating like normal people.
I don't believe for a moment she's doing it because she fears for her safety. I think she's doing it because it backs up her delusion that she's a victim, and lessens the chance she'll have to confront what she knows she's done.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Fuck sympathy. The fuck he should feel sympathy for her disloyal ass for?
"Oh you were ready to gobble some dudes throbbing cock a day ago and was moist with anticipation but let's talk reasonably about this so I can be a sucker for a few more months while you use me for stability while you go off and cheat."
Um, nah man. Like I said he tried talking. Tried reason. There comes a point where you need to consider your own situation and the possible consequences for NOT considering your own situation.
I've seen this too many times and dudes shit either get stolen or vandalized. Why reach that point? How about a compromise: Move your shit out, then talk and have sympathy lol.
Don't think the girlfriend had a choice in that matter, she could have went home solo, talked to OP OCD and just come to the conclusion they were splitting up. But no, Kay Slay the drama king probably insisted on going back there to fuck shit up.
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