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App Dating

tommib

tommib

Banned
So, is anyone else in the pits of hell of dating apps? I've been single for 2 years with dozens of dates that normally end up as ONS and pure silence after. I've had a couple of more steady encounters that last between 5 or 6 more dates but everything just peters out eventually.

Have any of you actually managed to find a serious relationship these days?

The apps are built in a way that there's always someone new. The endless chase is real. I've reached the point that I'm tempted to delete everything and stop caring about finding someone. Which for a gay man is a stamp on celibacy since everything happens online and IRL you never know who's gay or not.

Welp?
 
tommib said:
Which for a gay man
Click to expand...

That's supposed to be easier mode than for us hetros. Your experience seem to match up with that. Stopping with the one night stands would be the best way to filter out the serious from the horny, that's on you not the app.
 
nush said:
That's supposed to be easier mode than for us hetros. Your experience seem to match up with that. Stopping with the one night stands would be the best way to filter out the serious from the horny, that's on you not the app.
Click to expand...
You're totally right. I created the thread because yesterday I had a guy coming over for a pizza. He was too hot, much better looking than the photos, we talked for hours and of course we ended up having (great) sex.

Morning after: no texts, nothing. Silence. And that's a recurrent pattern I've witnessed for the last years.

I do think you're right and delaying sex as much as possible is the way to go.
 
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Going to a gay club is a great way to weed out who is gay and who is not. Offer to buy someone a drink. If they accept, it's likely their gay. If not, they'll tell you straight and refuse the drink. I've done it a couple of times.
 
tommib said:
So, is anyone else in the pits of hell of dating apps? I've been single for 2 years with dozens of dates that normally end up as ONS and pure silence after. I've had a couple of more steady encounters that last between 5 or 6 more dates but everything just peters out eventually.

Have any of you actually managed to find a serious relationship these days?

The apps are built in a way that there's always someone new. The endless chase is real. I've reached the point that I'm tempted to delete everything and stop caring about finding someone. Which for a gay man is a stamp on celibacy since everything happens online and IRL you never know who's gay or not.

Welp?
Click to expand...

I managed to find my wife on Tinder just out of boredom. I never use those apps seriously. I just go there for fun to laugh about the profiles and not having the intention to really start searching on there.

Its still easier for me to find someone in various communities or real life places than on a dating app.

What do i mean with laughing about profiles?

Looking at an average woman in her 50ties saying "If you dont like me peeing on you, dont waste my time".
 
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tommib said:
I do think you're right and delaying sex as much as possible is the way to go.
Click to expand...

No, there's a fine line. If a woman I've met on an app fucks me on the first meeting she's no longer in the running for a relationship. If she takes to long to put out, I think the sweet spot is around two weeks and takes longer then I'm no longer interested.

Making them wait too long won't work for you.
 
nush said:
Your Asian wife from another country. That's not really the same ballpark here.
Click to expand...

After like 10 failed relationships with mental ill women from germany, that was the best option i had when i accidentally met her in Germany over Tinder. *lol*

But i also have Ex-Girlfriends in Sweden, in Turkey, in Poland.... so i play in all ballparks. ;)
 
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GeorgPrime said:
After like 10 failed relationships with mental ill women from germany, that was the best option i had when i accidentally met her in Germany over Tinder. *lol*

But i also have Ex-Girlfriends in Sweden, in Turkey, in Poland.... so i play in all ballparks. ;)
Click to expand...
Your Thai wife doesn't live in the same country as you. Listing your failed relationships from other European countries is like listing people you've dated from other states in the US to Americans as if it's an achievement. :messenger_tears_of_joy:
 
nush said:
Your Thai wife doesn't live in the same country as you. Listing your failed relationships from other European countries is like listing people you've dated from other states in the US to Americans as if it's an achievement. :messenger_tears_of_joy:
Click to expand...
I just dont care where she is from. Some countries have worse women material than other countries based on the "WOKE" level and other stuff. :)
 
He actually just sent a message but I have no idea what to reply to these messages anymore:
2EGeW6j.jpg
 
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tommib said:
I've been single for 2 years with dozens of dates that normally end up as ONS and pure silence after.
Click to expand...

I read this and thought you were just humble bragging about being an absolute mega chad, albeit one not very good in the sack if the silence from the women was anything to go by. But then I got to this part...

tommib said:
Which for a gay man
Click to expand...

...and it all made sense! You guys really are playing a completely different game from us heteros.

tommib said:
I created the thread because yesterday I had a guy coming over for a pizza. He was too hot, much better looking than the photos, we talked for hours and of course we ended up having (great) sex.

Morning after: no texts, nothing. Silence.
Click to expand...

Being able to have hot women just come over for a pizza, having the sex part happening on the first date as a given ("of course we ended up having (great) sex."), and then having her just disappear afterwards and not bother you actually sounds quite nice tbh, but I suppose even men become bored of promiscuity eventually (and some aren't too much into it to begin with).

Being as gay men are just a very small fraction of the population, I can understand how reliant people would be on online apps. I'm surprised no one has created a gay app for people looking for relationships only, not just hook ups.
 
If I could make memes I would make one with the 2 buttons. One button for going through the dating app hell. One button for staying sad and single.
 
Apps commoditize relationships in an unmeaningful way. I have found my partner though Tinder though. But the way up there was a struggle.
 
Ask them if they want to come over for a second date and watch Cowboy Bebop on Netflix, the live action one.

If they come back, you know they love you.
 
I use tinder to have sex. From my experience of going on many dates, on several different countries, I would say that's what most people use it for. I've met a couple of girls who I would have wholeheartedly dated but, sadly, that interest wasn't mutual.
 
thefool said:
I use tinder to have sex. From my experience of going on many dates, on several different countries, I would say that's what most people use it for. I've met a couple of girls who I would have wholeheartedly dated but, sadly, that interest wasn't mutual.
Click to expand...
The only chance is women that don't realise what Tinder is for and are new to the platform thinking it's an actual dating app. Got to move fast before the creeps and dick pics drive them off. Just acting normal and polite with these women puts you leagues ahead of the other men.
 
Feel like I'm the only one who prefers being single but I'm wondering if I should at least go on flings so I'm not completely out of game when I want to not be single
 
You should've played some Mario Kart with him, OP. That's where real male bonding begins.
 
MrFancypants said:
Going to a gay club is a great way to weed out who is gay and who is not. Offer to buy someone a drink. If they accept, it's likely their gay. If not, they'll tell you straight and refuse the drink. I've done it a couple of times.
Click to expand...
Most gay clubs have shut down and are open to everyone because of "diversity".
 
tommib said:
That train has left the building.

I replied in a dry way thanking him for coming over and for the long drive. It's ok. It was a nice 3 hours.
Click to expand...
I don't get it. Why would you cut bridges at this stage? I see lots of guys years after, sometimes it connects more or I have sex with them many times. I'm friends with mostly everyone. If they want sex they just text me.

The only guys I don't do are hot muscular type of guys. I'm not perfect and I prefer guys I'm with not to be. It should be fun not a competition.

Intellectually it never connects to go with a serious relationship though, or if it does it's nearly impossible to maintain (distance, one sided etc.)
 
I met my girlfriend with whom I've been going strong for 5 years on an app called whisper. We talked for over a week or so without knowing how each other looked. I got very lucky.
 
I don't think that finding relationship on something like Tinder works, because everyone is familiar with the game there. Not sure about grindr and that sort of thing, but based on what my bi friend said it's even worse than Tinder. I am actually right now with someone I met, when I was waiting for my date at the bar. So technically it helped me indirectly. But I don't think that's really repeatable outcome...
 
Dating apps are for Omegas. Fuck dating apps. Grow some fucking balls, go out into the real world and start talking to real people.

I got with my wife by being a confident Alpha. I walked up to her at a club, looked her dead in the eyes and said "fancy a fuck". It worked faultlessly, like it did 100s of times before that.

That's all you need to do OP. Just be confident and ask them if they're DTF.
 
M1chl said:
I don't think that finding relationship on something like Tinder works, because everyone is familiar with the game there. Not sure about grindr and that sort of thing, but based on what my bi friend said it's even worse than Tinder. I am actually right now with someone I met, when I was waiting for my date at the bar. So technically it helped me indirectly. But I don't think that's really repeatable outcome...
Click to expand...
Tinder is getting just as bad because it's super left. I have my settings to only look for women, but they won't ban any crossdresser saying they're trans. Between that and the androgynous whales I seriously want to stab my eyes out.
 
Mista K said:
Tinder is getting just as bad because it's super left. I have my settings to only look for women, but they won't ban any crossdresser saying they're trans. Between that and the androgynous whales I seriously want to stab my eyes out.
Click to expand...
Not really the situation here in central Europe. But it was interesting when the Tinder opened up and Americans starts to show up back in 2020. I wasn't on it the last year or so, so I don't know if something dramatically changed.
 
Mista K said:
Tinder is getting just as bad because it's super left. I have my settings to only look for women, but they won't ban any crossdresser saying they're trans. Between that and the androgynous whales I seriously want to stab my eyes out.
Click to expand...
I was banned for "hate speech" from an app saying that I don't get queers.
 
IDKFA said:
Dating apps are for Omegas. Fuck dating apps. Grow some fucking balls, go out into the real world and start talking to real people.

I got with my wife by being a confident Alpha. I walked up to her at a club, looked her dead in the eyes and said "fancy a fuck". It worked faultlessly, like it did 100s of times before that.

That's all you need to do OP. Just be confident and ask them if they're DTF.
Click to expand...

That is all well and good for you with your personality type. I cant hear myself think in a club or bar because the music is too loud and I lose my voice after about 3 mins of talking to someone so I dont go to these places. You have to be a certain kind of person to enjoy those environments, and a lot of us are not that kind of person.

To me the club experience is physically painful just to be there. If I died and I went to hell thats probably what it would be like. You have a certain kind of brain, mine is so stressed out by the noise levels among other stimulation that I might as well be being tortured. For us more quite types, going to clubs is not the answer, and there are not a lot of other obvious places to go.


Also tbh Im grossed out by your post. If a woman would get with me because I said something like that, I could not respect her. I mean, where is the romance? Are other people's bodies just toys?
 
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tommib said:
You're totally right. I created the thread because yesterday I had a guy coming over for a pizza. He was too hot, much better looking than the photos, we talked for hours and of course we ended up having (great) sex.

Morning after: no texts, nothing. Silence. And that's a recurrent pattern I've witnessed for the last years.

I do think you're right and delaying sex as much as possible is the way to go.
Click to expand...
The no text thing and silence seem like a guy thing though. I got married 11 years ago to a woman so I missed the whole online dating trend but your story about not having additional dates with the same people is a story I've read a lot about with online dating.

Like you said there's always other people to meet. I heard on npr that people's irl social groups are 30% smaller than they were in the 90s which leads to a raft of feeling isolated in many areas. Spinning the wheel with an app seems like the real world end result of internet anominity.

Maybe find clubs, groups that do activities to meet guys. Might have better luck as apps haven't been great for you
 
Taxexemption said:
That is all well and good for you with your personality type. I cant hear myself think in a club or bar because the music is too loud and I lose my voice after about 3 mins of talking to someone so I dont go to these places. You have to be a certain kind of person to enjoy those environments, and a lot of us are not that kind of person.

To me the club experience is physically painful just to be there. If I died and I went to hell thats probably what it would be like. You have a certain kind of brain, mine is so stressed out by the noise levels among other stimulation that I might as well be being tortured. For us more quite types, going to clubs is not the answer, and there are not a lot of other obvious places to go.


Also tbh Im grossed out by your post. If a woman would gwt with me because I said something like that, I could not respect her. I mean, where is the romance? Are other people's bodies just toys?
Click to expand...
I met my current wife while doing volunteer work. I'm also at a point in my life where I no longer go to clubs.

There are definitely plenty of other opportunities out there. I mean, people are literally everywhere.
 
Taxexemption said:
That is all well and good for you with your personality type. I cant hear myself think in a club or bar because the music is too loud and I lose my voice after about 3 mins of talking to someone so I dont go to these places. You have to be a certain kind of person to enjoy those environments, and a lot of us are not that kind of person.

To me the club experience is physically painful just to be there. If I died and I went to hell thats probably what it would be like. You have a certain kind of brain, mine is so stressed out by the noise levels among other stimulation that I might as well be being tortured. For us more quite types, going to clubs is not the answer, and there are not a lot of other obvious places to go.


Also tbh Im grossed out by your post. If a woman would get with me because I said something like that, I could not respect her. I mean, where is the romance? Are other people's bodies just toys?
Click to expand...

Then don't go to a club. Do it in a bar, restaurant, cinema, hospital, nursing home, cinema......you can do it anywhere. The location isn't the issue.

Bodies are not toys, but there has to be a sexual attraction for any relationship. Never had a one night stand? Nothing wrong with it. Girls are allowed casual sex without judgement just like guys are.

Women (and men) love confidence. It's a valued trait when looking for a partner, but I understand not everyone has the confidence to be a peak Alpha, but I have some tips..

If you want to be a peak, testosterone dripping Alpha, you first need to work on your confidence. Hit the gym, invest in your wardrobe and work on your oration skills.

Trust me. Your more likely to find a partner (or casual sex) buy going out to meet people in person.
 
I collect VHS tapes said:
I met my current wife while doing volunteer work. I'm also at a point in my life where I no longer go to clubs.

There are definitely plenty of other opportunities out there. I mean, people are literally everywhere.
Click to expand...

I had all kinds of plans to meet up with real people and even do stuff like volunteer and get active in some local organizations, they shutdown most in person things since Covid, and in my area most of it still isnt back up, and the little that was going back to normal is being shutdown again.

I didnt have much of a social life pre covid but what I did have and was trying to get into was completely destroyed. There were meetup groups and other things I wanted to be involved in that are still waiting for things to go back to normal, and at this rate it seems doubtful they will this decade.
 
IDKFA said:
Dating apps are for Omegas. Fuck dating apps. Grow some fucking balls, go out into the real world and start talking to real people.

I got with my wife by being a confident Alpha. I walked up to her at a club, looked her dead in the eyes and said "fancy a fuck". It worked faultlessly, like it did 100s of times before that.

That's all you need to do OP. Just be confident and ask them if they're DTF.
Click to expand...

And then everybody clapped...
 
Taxexemption said:
I had all kinds of plans to meet up with real people and even do stuff like volunteer and get active in some local organizations, they shutdown most in person things since Covid, and in my area most of it still isnt back up, and the little that was going back to normal is being shutdown again.

I didnt have much of a social life pre covid but what I did have and was trying to get into was completely destroyed. There were meetup groups and other things I wanted to be involved in that are still waiting for things to go back to normal, and at this rate it seems doubtful they will this decade.
Click to expand...
yeah I was about to edit my post and say YMMV based on covid's effect where you live

covid has definitely fucked with the whole social interaction part of living

glad I don't have to worry about finding a relationship during covid

I know some people are simply waiting for the pandemic to end but I wouldn't be able to do that. I'm way too co-dependent to be single that long.
 
IDKFA said:
Then don't go to a club. Do it in a bar, restaurant, cinema, hospital, nursing home, cinema......you can do it anywhere. The location isn't the issue.

Bodies are not toys, but there has to be a sexual attraction for any relationship. Never had a one night stand? Nothing wrong with it. Girls are allowed casual sex without judgement just like guys are.

Women (and men) love confidence. It's a valued trait when looking for a partner, but I understand not everyone has the confidence to be a peak Alpha, but I have some tips..

If you want to be a peak, testosterone dripping Alpha, you first need to work on your confidence. Hit the gym, invest in your wardrobe and work on your oration skills.

Trust me. Your more likely to find a partner (or casual sex) buy going out to meet people in person.
Click to expand...

Im in California. During Covid times, if
I was randomly approaching people in resturaunts, my expectation is I will be kicked out or the police will be called. Most people here dont care about Covid but there is still a good chunk that will have a full blown meltdown if you approach them even while fully masked. The bars I have been to are as loud as clubs, its basically the same place, music so loud it hurts. Pretty sure hospitals and nursing homes arent open to the public right now. What is that like? "your dad is old and dying? ah geez. wanna tickle my pickle?"


I go to the gym frequently, I look muscular and am a healthy weight for my height. I dont believe in casual sex, I have highly negative opinions about that kind of behavior, and dont think it can exist free of serious consequences.
 
nush said:
And then everybody clapped...
Click to expand...

I can't say I've ever had a standing ovation for being a prime, dick swinging Alpha.

If you get standing ovations whenever you walk into the room then you must be peak, God-like levels of Alpha male in his final form.
 
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Taxexemption said:
Im in California. During Covid times, if
I was randomly approaching people in resturaunts, my expectation is I will be kicked out or the police will be called. Most people here dont care about Covid but there is still a good chunk that will have a full blown meltdown if you approach them even while fully masked. The bars I have been to are as loud as clubs, its basically the same place, music so loud it hurts. Pretty sure hospitals and nursing homes arent open to the public right now. What is that like? "your dad is old and dying? ah geez. wanna tickle my pickle?"


I go to the gym frequently, I look muscular and am a healthy weight for my height. I dont believe in casual sex, I have highly negative opinions about that kind of behavior, and dont think it can exist free of serious consequences.
Click to expand...

No. Lol. You don't ask people if their DTF when they're looking after their sick loved ones. That's just wrong . You need to carefully choose who you approach.

Casual sex has been a thing since humanity existed. Lots of different cultures practiced it and still do. The only consequences are a STD or unplanned pregnancy. Both can be avoided by putting a helmet on your soldier before going into battle. What other serious consequences are you worried about?
 
Taxexemption said:
Im in California. During Covid times, if
I was randomly approaching people in resturaunts, my expectation is I will be kicked out or the police will be called. Most people here dont care about Covid but there is still a good chunk that will have a full blown meltdown if you approach them even while fully masked. The bars I have been to are as loud as clubs, its basically the same place, music so loud it hurts. Pretty sure hospitals and nursing homes arent open to the public right now. What is that like? "your dad is old and dying? ah geez. wanna tickle my pickle?"


I go to the gym frequently, I look muscular and am a healthy weight for my height. I dont believe in casual sex, I have highly negative opinions about that kind of behavior, and dont think it can exist free of serious consequences.
Click to expand...
I'm also in California. Not sure what it's like where you are, but in Los Angeles of all places it seems people are finally starting to get more chill about covid. That or they're just tired of all the BS. I've noticed that restaurants are packed again. Who knows if this is all just a temporary thing but it's been pretty nice to see.
 
IDKFA said:
No. Lol. You don't ask people if their DTF when they're looking after their sick loved ones. That's just wrong . You need to carefully choose who you approach.

Casual sex has been a thing since humanity existed. Lots of different cultures practiced it and still do. The only consequences are a STD or unplanned pregnancy. Both can be avoided by putting a helmet on your soldier before going into battle. What other serious consequences are you worried about?
Click to expand...
An umbrella protects you from the rain, but you can still get splashed on the sides
 
IDKFA said:
No. Lol. You don't ask people if their DTF when they're looking after their sick loved ones. That's just wrong . You need to carefully choose who you approach.

Casual sex has been a thing since humanity existed. Lots of different cultures practiced it and still do. The only consequences are a STD or unplanned pregnancy. Both can be avoided by putting a helmet on your soldier before going into battle. What other serious consequences are you worried about?
Click to expand...

emotional attachment/detachment related disorders. I have serious doubts about the mental health of people doing this stuff and whether they can be empathetic towards others.


Basically, I think either you are becoming emotionally involved with people you are going to dispose of which is unhealthy, or you are getting close to them and treating them like a meat puppet you will discard at a moments notice. Getting naked with someone and experiencing prolonged skin to skin contact even if sex isnt happening should cause quite a bit of attachment/ familiarity/emotion. I think its ridiculous that people pretend like you can do that and walk away like its nothing, and its healthy.

I think you are ruining your ability to form meaningful bonds and contributing towards a culture that treats people as disposable objects.
 
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