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[Celestial Mortal]

What if the woman is planning a surprise birthday party for her husband and that co-worker is helping her out? I assume they're both from the same country and since OP being a foreigner they might not let him in on the secret planning?

And OP not completely understanding the Western ways or having ended up watching too many movies/TV Shows etc came up to that conclusion?

Spoiler

Not being a racist

But then this line comes up:

She knows, I know about the affair and she is continuing with it because she doesn't believe I would tell anyone.

Has she admitted to the OP that she is cheating and that he knows? Or is that another speculation of the OP?

And why would anyone want to leave their own job and return back just because of this case? Doesn't make sense, there's something else going on...

Spoiler

Trying to be an optimist here, the act of cheating is very grim for me

 

[Riposte]

Wow, someone is really projecting their own pain up in here.

Who was the mean girl that hurt you?

If we are going there... how many people defending the woman in the OP have or are cheating on their spouses?

This thread is amusing. I would talk to her about it if I considered her a friend and I would talk to the husband if he was half of much of a friend.

Also it is funny how people are using the OP's Indian descent against him. Oh yes, here in America, we all love cheating. I mean just ask the people who get cheated on. They are always 100% okay with it, they don't even want to know.

 

[Village]

So ending a long term relationship is preferable to a discreet affair? I think it's tragic when people value sex over love like that.



No one's life is ending by getting cheated on, and if they don't find out they're never hurt at all, so that's about as false of an equivalency as you can get, People get more "burn them at the stake!" about cheating than they do about things like physical assault, it's weird.

Some people value things differently than you.

I'm sorry.

 

[DrLazy]

I've been there. Somehow I became the bad guy. I hate to say it but: Mind your own business.

 

[SwiftDeath]

There is no proof of cheating going on. Only that she has lied to her husband on the phone a few times. Nothing has been presented in this thread to suggest it happened except for the OP's 'feeling'.

Also, it seems pretty clear that the OP has had strong feelings for this girl and now feels jilted and this could be effecting his judgement. (So much so, that he is thinking about returning home and leaving his job that he seems to be very good at)

If the husband was a close friend, I would agree with you. He would need to know everything. But he's not, so there's no need to get involved in speculation.

That's why he should confront her and see what she has to say

Haven't read every post so not sure on his feelings for her

But OP did say he had concrete proof but perhaps that was mistaken?

In any case confronting her is the right thing to do so you can at least hear her point of view

Fulfilling a sexual need doesn't always mean that you love the person you're fulfilling it with. Having sex with one person doesn't turn a switch that makes you not love someone else. We aren't digital creatures.

Right and that argument can be used for both emotional and physical spousal abuse

I still love him/her and thus should put up with it

We all have a subjective line on this and have to draw a line in the sand

Clearly there are people in here on both sides of that line

 

[yankeeforever2]

If you are going to do it, do it anonymously

If you straight out tell them, you are getting blame from both parties.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Discretion...as an excuse for mending trust over cheating? That's rich.

I think you missed my point. You might be too emotional about this issue to actually discuss it. Many people have discreet affairs and no one ever knows and no one is ever hurt.

Some people value things differently than you.

I'm sorry.

Of course they do, and more power to them. I just hope that if those people are ever in a 20 year relationship, they'll be adult enough to not end it if the person they love maybe puts their genitals in the wrong place once.

Right and that argument can be used for both emotional and physical spousal abuse

I still love him/her and thus should put up with it

We all have a subjective line on this and have to draw a line in the sand

Clearly there are people in here on both sides of that line

Equating a breach in trust to abuse is gross, and disrespectful to people who actually have been abused in relationships.

 

[MIMIC]

I'd tell him. You seem to be really good friends, and I would hate for one of my friends to stand by with the knowledge that my wife was cheating on me. In fact, if I found out that they knew (and didn't tell me), we'd probably no longer be friends.

Also, don't do it anonymously. If the wife knows that you know, she's gonna figure out who told him. Might as well take that grief head on, instead of delaying it.

 

[Deified Data]

Mind your own business.

Stay out. Not your business.

Mind your business.

Just do what lets you sleep well at night, OP. If you're leaving for India and don't have any drama to deal with in the aftermath, do what you feel is right whether it goes against the "snitches get stitches" mentality or not. Compelling arguments could be made both for and against.

I for one sat on the knowledge that a good friend's fiance was cheating on him. I never told him and the relationship ended on it's own. To this day I'm not sure what I should have done, but either way I would be stuck here to deal with the aftermath. Fuck it OP, if you're not sticking around just tell him. Their relationship is already over, so it's best that he knows now.

Temper that advice with just how certain you are they she's actually cheating.

 

[Spehornoob]

If you're not friends with the guy, I'd stay out of it. Sure, he deserves to know, but it's not your responsibility to tell him.

 

[SwiftDeath]

Equating a breach in trust to abuse is gross, and disrespectful to people who actually have been abused in relationships.

I really don't think so

Emotional abuse can literally be constantly being cheating on by your partner

Unless you would like to argue that it's not?

You're being disingenuous

 

[EsotericManiac]

If it bothered you as much as you make it sound, I would tell her that you are going to tell her husband if she doesn't tell him first, and be sincere. she'll probably be mad at you, but it's nothing you did wrong.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Some people value trust and honesty

Reading through this, I get the feeling it's not necessarily "trust and honesty" they value. It's control.

 

[karasu]

I'd stay out of it. People get killed over crap like this.

 

[Village]

Of course they do, and more power to them. I just hope that if those people are ever in a 20 year relationship, they'll be adult enough to not end it if the person they love maybe puts their genitals in the wrong place once.



.

People value different things than you I am sorry, My statement still stands. I hope you will be an adult and respect that.

Reading through this, I get the feeling it's not necessarily "trust and honesty" they value. It's control.

Who hurt you?

 

[kehs]

I think you missed my point. You might be too emotional about this issue to actually discuss it. Many people have discreet affairs and no one ever knows and no one is ever hurt.

Being an asshole, even if no one knows about it, still makes you an asshole.

 

[Deified Data]

He's right though. There are many marriages in this world where the man cheats and keeps it on the DL away from his family. Everything moves along fine and everyone gets provided for. This is an arrangement that has gone on for centuries in many parts of the world and at some level is even socially acceptable.

There's even marriages where this isn't acceptable, but the two people involved work through it and still remain together despite it. But they work through it together on their own terms.

But, in this case, the tables are turned and it's the woman who is allegedly cheating and now she needs to be shamed and 'brought to justice'. It's a fucked up, immature outlook.

Please. Those suggesting that he reveal the cheating would still feel that way even if the genders were flipped, and you have no grounds to say anything otherwise.

Reading through this, I get the feeling it's not necessarily "trust and honesty" they value. It's control.

Is this kind of projection really necessary?

Fulfilling a sexual need doesn't always mean that you love the person you're fulfilling it with.

No, but it's a fairly accurate indicator of how you feel about the party you're cheating on.

 

[SwiftDeath]

Reading through this, I get the feeling it's not necessarily "trust and honesty" they value. It's control.

Are you implying that if you're not ok with cheating, then you're a control freak?

That no one can actually value "trust and honesty"?

Really?

 

[bjb]

If it bothered you as much as you make it sound, I would tell her that you are going to tell her husband if she doesn't tell him first, and be sincere. she'll probably be mad at you, but it's nothing you did wrong.

He's already instructed other people to tell others about cheating..

Dude has no intention of minding his business or letting his feelings go for the wife.

 

[cartoon_soldier]

What if the woman is planning a surprise birthday party for her husband and that co-worker is helping her out? I assume they're both from the same country and since OP being a foreigner they might not let him in on the secret planning?

And OP not completely understanding the Western ways or having ended up watching too many movies/TV Shows etc came up to that conclusion?

Spoiler

Not being a racist

But then this line comes up:



Has she admitted to the OP that she is cheating and that he knows? Or is that another speculation of the OP?

And why would anyone want to leave their own job and return back just because of this case? Doesn't make sense, there's something else going on...

Spoiler

Trying to be an optimist here, the act of cheating is very grim for me

I believe she knows just based on some awkward conversations we have had about me going back to India, or not visiting them anymore. It's like you never come out and say it, but both people realize where the conversation was heading and change topics.

As for the first part, the other co-worker has no connection to her family. Hasn't been to their house, only has seen said Husband at company Xmas parties. On top of that, he hadn't come to a single happy hour pre-affair. Now he comes to everyone. Correction, he did miss one happy hour in between but then so did she.

Also, I forgot this part, as we were leaving the happy hour (all 3 of us), I told her to text me when she got home. I lost my best friend 6 years ago to a drunk driver, so I am always on the edge when people are driving back home after drinking. We both live close by (10 minutes apart). At around 12:30am she texted me that she reached home, I didn't believe that. It was confirmed by her Mom that she actually ended up getting a room because she had too much to drink and didn't come home till 8am in the morning.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Are you implying that if you're not ok with cheating, then you're a control freak?

That no one can actually value "trust and honesty"?

Really?

It's not so black and white, and I think you seeing every part of these situations in black and white is what's riling you up about it.

 

[Poltergust]

I seriously do not understand why people say that it's "none of your business". If this person is your friend, then of course it is your business. You're supposed to help out friends when they are in trouble (whether they are on the receiving end of the trouble or not). Otherwise, what's the point of being friends?

Let's flip this around: if your friend was the one being cheating on, would you not tell him/her about it? If the answer is "no", then you are not a true friend. You would rather keep the truth to yourself and watch your friend living a lie, simply because whatever subsequent drama that follows you would inconvenience you. Screw that. Friends are supposed to make sacrifices for each other.

It's the same situation here. If you know your friend is cheating, you should confront them about it so that they could change their lives for the better. They need to realize that what they are doing is wrong and only serves to hurt the victim of the cheating. Otherwise, they won't learn anything, especially if they know that you know about the cheating and never bothered to tell anyone about it. That would only boost their ego about the whole thing and make them think they can easily get away with it.

 

[bjb]

I believe she knows just based on some awkward conversations we have had about me going back to India, or not visiting them anymore. It's like you never come out and say it, but both people realize where the conversation was heading and change topics.

As for the first part, the other co-worker has no connection to her family. Hasn't been to their house, only has seen said Husband at company Xmas parties. On top of that, he hadn't come to a single happy hour pre-affair. Now he comes to everyone. Correction, he did miss one happy hour in between but then so did she.

So basically, you still have no concrete proof there's actual cheating going on?

Also, you seem awfully hung up and jealous of this co-worker for no apparent reason.

 

[ToxicAdam]

If someone came to you and told you your wife was lying about being busy with clients to hang out with a male co-worker you would be 99.9% sure she was cheating.

My wife would never even be in that position because she wouldn't be going out to dinners and drinks with male co-workers (by herself) in the first place. Nor would she invite co-workers over for meals during family holidays.

On the surface, it's a pretty odd arrangement in the first place. But it's their business and relationship.

 

[SwiftDeath]

I believe she knows just based on some awkward conversations we have had about me going back to India, or not visiting them anymore. It's like you never come out and say it, but both people realize where the conversation was heading and change topics.

As for the first part, the other co-worker has no connection to her family. Hasn't been to their house, only has seen said Husband at company Xmas parties. On top of that, he hadn't come to a single happy hour pre-affair. Now he comes to everyone. Correction, he did miss one happy hour in between but then so did she.

I'm sorry but if its bothering you this much you need to talk to her about it directly

No pussyfooting around it just talk to her

 

[Deified Data]

It's not so black and white, and I think you seeing every part of these situations in black and white is what's riling you up about it.

Your last post did a poor job of conveying your "morally sophisticated" stance. In fact you implied that those concerned with trust were more concerned with control. Is that something you want to back away from?

 

[cartoon_soldier]

So basically, you still have no concrete proof there's actual cheating going on?

Also, you seem awfully hung up and jealous of this co-worker for no apparent reason.

Just trying to offer my insight.

 

[kr2t0s]

I'd slut-shame her by videotaping it and putting it on youtube. Guaranteed someone will make a thread about it here on Neogaf. Once again - Neogaf -> Internet -> Neogaf.

 

[bjb]

Just trying to offer my insight.

Yet you're accusing this woman of being unfaithful without actual hard evidence. Just pure speculation. Shocking.

Edit: And for what? Because she's spending more time with another co-worker now, as opposed to you?

 

[cartoon_soldier]

Yet you're accusing this woman of being unfaithful without actual hard evidence. Just pure speculation. Shocking.

I haven't publicly accused her of anything. I am sure the affair is going on, I can't upload any evidence for GAF to judge.

 

[MIMIC]

Yet you're accusing this woman of being unfaithful without actual hard evidence. Just pure speculation. Shocking.

Edit: And for what? Because she's spending more time with another co-worker now, as opposed to you?

Er, you're accusing him of being jealous of the wife without any actual hard evidence.

 

[BananaBomb]

Yet you're accusing this woman of being unfaithful without actual hard evidence. Just pure speculation. Shocking.

Edit: And for what? Because she's spending more time with another co-worker now, as opposed to you?

do you need him to actually see the dick go in or something? lying about getting a room, lmao. come on

 

[bjb]

I haven't publicly accused her of anything. I am sure the affair is going on, I can't upload any evidence for GAF to judge.

The hell? You made an entire thread accusing of her of it while asking for advice?

Also, why are you so certain?

 

[Coffee Dog]

I seriously do not understand why people say that it's "none of your business". If this person is your friend, then of course it is your business. You're supposed to help out friends when they are in trouble (whether they are on the receiving end of the trouble or not). Otherwise, what's the point of being friends?

Let's flip this around: if your friend was the one being cheating on, would you not tell him/her about it? If the answer is "no", then you are not a true friend. You would rather keep the truth to yourself and watch your friend living a lie, simply because whatever subsequent drama that follows you would inconvenience you. Screw that. Friends are supposed to make sacrifices for each other.

It's the same situation here. If you know your friend is cheating, you should confront them about it so that they could change their lives for the better. They need to realize that what they are doing is wrong and only serves to hurt the victim of the cheating. Otherwise, they won't learn anything, especially if they know that you know about the cheating and never bothered to tell anyone about it. That would only boost their ego about the whole thing and make them think they can easily get away with it.

It sounds like the husband isn't in trouble. It sounds like he's a happy guy, considering that he has no idea that his wife is cheating.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Your last post did a poor job of conveying your "morally sophisticated" stance. In fact you implied that those concerned with trust were more concerned with control. Is that something you want to back away from?

Was "I get the feeling it's not necessarily..." too concrete?

Where are you quoting "morally sophisticated" from?

 

[interactivemonodrama]

Don't be a snitch.

What if u were hanging out with some chick (or even cheating) and some rat told your SO.

Snitches need to fuck off and get a life

Not everyone cheats.
Bad example.

 

[Solideliquid]

See, I DON'T think telling is the "nice thing to do." He does not seem to have real proof. Again, she seems like an ass, but cheating? Maybe, but maybe just a flirt with a drinking problem and weird texts.

Not too long ago, someone did the anonymous-note thing to my sister-in-law and told her her husband was cheating. After months of investigating and freaking out and trying to confront him, it turned out it wasn't true. Or if it is, he's got that shit locked down (but I really believe it wasn't true; he was going through some mental issues/depression and acting different). They almost got divorced (it was to they point they were both talking to lawyers). Why? Because of someone's suspicions or someone's desire to stir up trouble. Not the first time I've seen that kind of thing happen, either. Lives almost destroyed, kids messed up, just because someone had a suspicion and felt it was their moral obligation to act on it.

Unless you know... you don't know.

This a million times. This.

 

[cartoon_soldier]

The hell? You made an entire thread accusing of her of it while asking for advice?

Also, why are you so certain?

The series of text messages I read, paraphrasing.

I want to suck and fuck.
I wish we could meet up, I am totally in the mood right now.

Along those lines. Other things, I already mentioned in the threat.

No, I don't have a sex tape of both of them together if that's what you want as evidence.

 

[Deified Data]

Was "I get the feeling it's not necessarily..." too concrete?

Where are you quoting "morally sophisticated" from?

That was just me being condescending, I apologize.

Continue on with your nebulous feelings I guess.

 

[Deaf Spacker]

I've read the entire thread, where's the proof of the co-worker cheating on her husband?

 

[abuC]

Drop a dime on her.

 

[SwiftDeath]

The hell? You made an entire thread accusing of her of it while asking for advice?

Because she is likely on here with all her friends and this will be public in that sense?

What are you talking about?

 

[bjb]

do you need him to actually see the dick go in or something? lying about getting a room, lmao. come on

Accusing any woman, particularly one married with children of cheating on her spouse is a serious accusation.

The OP has provided zero evidence or proof outside of pure speculation.

Furthermore, there's almost this bizarre jealously of him becoming emotionally disturbed (to the point of leaving the country and quitting his job), because her co-worker is spending more time with her than his liking.

 

[Linkyn]

From what I'm reading, you don't actually know for a fact that she is cheating. Also, if she really is that good a friend to you, maybe you should consider talking to her instead of going to her husband / family. Regardless of how close you feel you have become with her family, your involvement should end at her.

 

[Opiate]

It sounds like the husband isn't in trouble. It sounds like he's a happy guy, considering that he has no idea that his wife is cheating.

This really gets to a pretty critical question of whether you'd personally prefer to live a happy lie or a less happy truth.

I would personally very strongly prefer to know the truth of things no matter how unhappy it makes me.

 

[Mudkips]

You're going to be told to mind your own business.

I say fuck that. Tell the husband. He deserves to know the truth.

This. Where does this end? When she gets pregnant with another man's baby and sticks her husband with the kid? When they get divorced and she takes the house, the car, the dog, and half of his paycheck? When she and her new mister kill the husband for insurance money? Or maybe just 5 years down the line when he finds out, is devastated, and has 5 fewer years to put his life back together?

Not doing anything because it's "none of my business" is like seeing a small fire and not doing anything because it's not your house. It's a cowardly attitude that allows people to avoid conflict while simultaneously enabling the bad behavior.

 

[pwack]

I believe she knows just based on some awkward conversations we have had about me going back to India, or not visiting them anymore. It's like you never come out and say it, but both people realize where the conversation was heading and change topics.

As for the first part, the other co-worker has no connection to her family. Hasn't been to their house, only has seen said Husband at company Xmas parties. On top of that, he hadn't come to a single happy hour pre-affair. Now he comes to everyone. Correction, he did miss one happy hour in between but then so did she.

Also, I forgot this part, as we were leaving the happy hour (all 3 of us), I told her to text me when she got home. I lost my best friend 6 years ago to a drunk driver, so I am always on the edge when people are driving back home after drinking. We both live close by (10 minutes apart). At around 12:30am she texted me that she reached home, I didn't believe that. It was confirmed by her Mom that she actually ended up getting a room because she had too much to drink and didn't come home till 8am in the morning.

Honest question: how much of a crush do you have on this co-worker, and how much is it clouding your judgment?

I lean towards telling you to mind your own business, not because the husband shouldn't know, but because it sure seems like you don't actually know anything. If you decide to do something, it should be confront the friend and get proof, not fuck over the husband and kids with potentially baseless accusations about their family life.

 

[bjb]

edit: DP

 

[Village]

Accusing any woman, particularly one married with children of cheating on her spouse is a serious accusation.

The OP has provided zero evidence or proof outside of pure speculation.

Furthermore, there's almost this bizarre jealously of him becoming emotionally disturbed (to the point of leaving the country and quitting his job), because her co-worker is spending more time with her than his liking.

I agree with the first thing, while I am in the talk to people about this camp. You cannot just be willy nilly about this. This is serious, even if it is untrue you could mess up relationships.

As far as the bottom goes, could you give me examples of what the OP said?

 

[joelseph]

Tough life lesson to learn, you got to stay out of other people's business. We live private lives and you have no clue what their's entails.