I'm at Laguna Presa sitting on the beach, minding my own business. Sipping a pina colada and working on my tan. A nice french man in a red beret comes up to me and I think "Oh wow, I like beignets and i've worked up quite an appetite". To my horror, instead of giving me pastry, he then tries to electrocute me with portable defibrillator. I mean seriously, who the hell carries those things around?
As I come to I notice another gentleman coming up to me carrying a portable power tool and wearing a mask. I figure he's here to fix the chaise lounge that the jerk Frenchman broke trying to shock me. Instead of fixing my chair, he starts trying to drill the teeth out of my head. I try explaining to the man that I don't have cavities, but I appreciate him trying to help. I mean, it's a 3rd world country and they have all sorts of weird customs.
After stuffing cotton balls in my mouth to stem the bleeding, I start wondering if I'm going to fire my tour guide company.Looking back I notice a guy dressed in a grass costume. I figured he was a native and I wanted him to know I appreciated his culture. I walked up to the guy and started talking to him. No matter how many times I tapped him on the shoulder or made a noise his face remained glued to the binoculars. My only guess for his apparent lack of surroundings was he was looking at the nude beach on the other side of the island.
As my trip ended a gentlemen came to me who must have a worse travel agent then me. He looked like he was dressed for a skiing vacation, helmet, goggles and the whole 9 yards. I thought since we shared crappy travel agencies that we may hit off a pretty good friendship. Everytime I tried talking to him he kept throwing plastic containers at me. I mean hell, I like shopping at the container store as much as anyone else in this world, but how rude!
I finally had enough and went to the concierge to complain about my experience at this crappy resort island. He let me start talking but every time I tried to finish he would hold up these index cards with random letters and numbers. He wouldn't let me finish until i read them back to him correctly. It was a jumbled mess of caps, numbers, symbols, etc.
It's official, this trip blows, I'm going back home to a safer place, Kabul is really nice this time of year...