Ahh man my morning, my boss has been distant the last few days and I kinda suspected something was up but I wasn't expecting what I got.
Usual discussion commenced when he came in to work but something was off, I eventually moved on to the subject of a coworker who had been annoying me, he kinda went quiet so I just carried on, he was working his way up to saying something... After me getting a few digs in he stopped me and said "ya see Tom, here you are complaining about a member of staff, but everyone seems to be complaining about you"
My stomach dropped but in a weird sense of relief, it's finally happened, I've turned into what I previously had despised, a shit immature worker. My boss said I was supposed to have to wait to be told about it at the appraisal but I pushed to know what I have done... It's not good, since Christmas I've been cynical, bitchy, rude, hard to get on with, lazy, uninterested and all around shite.. In a strange way I'm relieved, I have been all of those things and I may not be filled with remorse right now, although I am feeling pretty bad about upsetting my coworkers who used to love working with me, but it's been identified and I'm essentially losing grasp on the guaranteed job I had been offered at the end of this apprenticeship.. But now I know, I can use this holiday to reflect on this job
The problem with me feeling so low is that I don't what is causing it, it could be any number of things making me act like an insufferable cunt, is it the strain of my family problems that I have previously managed to ignore and bottle up have caught up with me ? Or is it because I'm feeling alone and lost with nobody here to see that I can really relate to.. The last thing I want it to be is this job, but if it is that will really require some serious action..
Right now I'm still kinda shocked by the talking to but I now know I've got to go home and really deal with this mental instability the best I can and get back to wanting to do this, when I go home I'm gonna get trainers on and go for a run a start thinking up my game plan...
Heavy post laced with phrases even 13 year old me would cringe at but Meh
TL;DR CRAAAAWLING IIIIINNNNNN MYYYYYYYY SSSSKKKKKKIIIIIIIN