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Catwoman: Rotten Watch

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Trevelyon

Member
Currently 5 & Zip.

BOO YEH!

Here are just a few of the many choice quotes from Catwoman reviewers.

"Final word? Halle Berry has retired Catwoman as a franchise."

"the way she gobbles sushi and snorts catnip suggests that she's all but written off that second Oscar"

"Pitof’s aesthetic is all over the place: Berry’s scenes with Alex Borstein play like a bad Fox comedy, while the CGI-laden sequences in the film often bring to mind cut scenes from a Playstation game."

OUCH!

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/catwoman/
 

Trevelyon

Member
After this, I don't think there is such thing as a 'safe' role for Halle anymore.

The fallout from this movie on her career will be devastating & I can't wait to read the report on Variety in the not too distant future, "Halle makes desperate plea to X3 producers, "I want to play Storm again" X3 Producers, "sorry bitch you've been RE-CAST"
 
Can Catwoman match the glory of Ecks versus Sever, the only movie I have ever seen that not one critic gave a positive review.

Thats right, the mythical 0%
 

Dead

well not really...yet
FUk u biatches

Harold and Kumar

catch the buzz

are you excited?

thi summer

HAROLD AND KUMJAR HGO TO HWITE CASTLE
 

Leon

Junior Member
Trevelyon said:
After this, I don't think there is such thing as a 'safe' role for Halle anymore.

The fallout from this movie on her career will be devastating [/i]

wtf...

Going by what some of you say, it's like nobody, let alone Oscar winners, has ever recovered from a bad movie.
 

Dan

No longer boycotting the Wolfenstein franchise
Let's see... Halle Berry post-Oscar: Die Another Day, Gothika, Catwoman, and a tiny role in X2. She's one for four...
 

Trevelyon

Member
Well.. let's see what Halle's big post-Catwoman damage control flicks are...

Nappily Ever After 2004 (I kid you not, that's what its called)

"Venus Johnson, tired of waiting for her longtime boyfriend to propose, breaks up with him. But old feelings, and heaps of jealousy, no doubt, arise when he promptly begins dating another woman."

The Guide 2005

Halle Berry plays a woman who uses her ancestors' psychic powers and her computer skills to help people in trouble disappear...

Yep, she's well en route to a full recovery. o_O
 

Lakitu

st5fu
"Pitof’s aesthetic is all over the place: Berry’s scenes with Alex Borstein play like a bad Fox comedy, while the CGI-laden sequences in the film often bring to mind cut scenes from a Playstation game."

That's an insult to Playstation games.
 

Gregory

Banned
WTF? I just saw on IMDB that this movie has a 100 million budget!? How the hell is this possible? Fucking disgrace.
 

drohne

hyperbolically metafictive
i don't care about catwoman or its reviews, but that salon piece marks the first time i've seen the neologism "cutscene" in a respectable mainstream context. well, almost: the writer went with "cut scene." either he got cold feet, or spellcheck shot him down. videogame jargon - it's catching!

come to think of it, i see lots of references to videogames in movie reviews lately. but they're always pejorative. as they probably should be. videogame references in music reviews are sometimes positive.
 

EdLuva

Member
Trevelyon said:
Well.. let's see what Halle's big post-Catwoman damage control flicks are...

Nappily Ever After 2004 (I kid you not, that's what its called)

"Venus Johnson, tired of waiting for her longtime boyfriend to propose, breaks up with him. But old feelings, and heaps of jealousy, no doubt, arise when he promptly begins dating another woman."

Sounds like her last marriage.

The title of the movie reminds me of her role in Bulworth when Warren Beatty kept rapping about nappy dugout.
 

Prospero

Member
The New York Times has an interesting article this morning about how Berry's career is pretty much riding on this film.

link (registration required)

The first African-American to win an Oscar for best actress — for the 2001 film "Monster's Ball" — Ms. Berry has now become the first African-American actress to headline an expensive, effects-laden production, this one about a meek graphic artist who turns into a vigilante with feline powers.

In the zero-sum calculations of the movie industry, Ms. Berry's bankability as a star will be judged largely on whether she can "open" "Catwoman," a Warner Brothers film — meaning whether she can make it a financial winner. If it succeeds, it will place her among a rarefied group of top-paid female stars, only a few of them established box office draws, and signify yet another achievement for African-American actors.

Well, okay--it'd be nice to see more African-American actresses in lead roles in action films. Let's think back to 1987, when Sigourney Weaver's career was riding on being able to "open" Aliens and few people thought a woman could open an action film. But Aliens was awesome, and Weaver turned in one of the best performances of her career. Everybody was a winner after that. The NYT article seems to argue that Halle Berry is in a similar position now.

Dear Halle Berry--why couldn't you have been Angela Bassett, and made another action film besides "Catwoman"? I don't understand it.
 

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
DrForester said:
You know there's going to be 1 review that says something along the lines of "It's better than Spiderman"

And that person will be killed within 2 hours of writing that review. Wilco won't allow such things to be said.
 

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
I'm tempted to sneak into this movie and just act like a jerk...
 

ge-man

Member
I love that last quote comparing the CG to a Playstation game. That's something I would expect from a forumite's review and not a real film critic.

In the next few years I expect Halle to make the same complaints that Cuba Gooding Jr. was making last year. Halle won't be able to say a damn thing after pissing her own career away by dropping a safe role in the next X-Men while choosing truly laughable films like Catwoman.
 

Trevelyon

Member
DrForester said:
"You know there's going to be 1 review that says something along the lines of "It's better than Spiderman."

Nah.... the first fresh review will be some sappy, arse backwards plug for the movie from some no name website, I can see it now:

"Catwoman is a fun, action packed blockbuster that has real CLAWS, Halle is PPPUUURRRFECT as the feminine & funky feline hero. Direct Pitof, will definitely be the cat's meow this weekend as Catwoman pounces on the competition Friday.

and so on.........
 
Trevelyon said:
Nah.... the first fresh review will be some sappy, arse backwards plug for the movie from some no name website, I can see it now:

"Catwoman is a fun, action packed blockbuster that has real CLAWS, Halle is PPPUUURRRFECT as the feminine & funky feline hero. Direct Pitof, will definitely be the cat's meow this weekend as Catwoman pounces on the competition Friday.

and so on.........


Whoah, and I bet they plaster that on every single tv ad as well next week after it bombed over the weekend.
 

Lil' Dice

Banned
The film's studio will release ad with quotes like "great Movie", "Simply incredible!" and "do not miss out"....What they won;t tell you though, is that "great Movie" is taken from a reviewer's line "this is a great movie to take film student to when teaching them how NOT to make a film"; "You know, it's incredible how in this day and age we still have retards running billion dollar movie studios, retards who greenlight utter shit like Catwoman....Simply incredible!", and "do not miss out on 90 minutes of your precious life by wasting it on this film".
 

Ghost

Chili Con Carnage!
I suggest alternate viewing this weekend..
bourne_supremacy.jpg
 

Trevelyon

Member
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2 fresh/15 rotten.

" "What’s not to love about a gal with a whip, stilettos, and sharp rhinestone claws?"

"Berry does skintight leather proud. Not to mention nailing the femme fatale with sexy aplomb. Catwoman has a clean and clutterless feel, unencumbered by the traditional bells and whistles of comic-to-film adaptations."

"Look is pure MTV-glow, awash in shimmering color and blemish-free filters. Director Pitof (he of the hip single-moniker) quick-cuts his way around the confusion, thereby sidestepping a narrative hairball."

http://www.aufmuth.com/jeanne/reviews/Catwoman.html

What did I tell ya! no name website, shitty arse review.
 
I knew there would be one positive review from a woman who likes the 'girl power' aspect, lets just hope the ever bankable 12 year old girl segment doesn't flock to this
 
I particularly enjoyed this critic's quote:

James Brundage said:
"So bad that I actually recommend you see it. It's the movie you and your friends will rip on all summer long."
That's quite the ringing endorsement! :D
 

SteveMeister

Hang out with Steve.
Halle Berry was on the Today show this morning. Matt Lauer asked her, why as an Oscar winner she'd accept roles like this, and Halle's answer was, basically, "Hey I've already GOT the Oscar, and lots of other awards. I could fall prey to the 'Oscar curse', and be so picky & choosy about roles I never work again. But instead I choose to pick roles I think will be fun. I don't have to prove anything to anyone." Again, not an exact quote, but that's basically what she said.

+1 Halle Berry

But I still have no intention of going to see this movie :D
 
Some of those review quotes are hilarious.

Halle's had somewhat of a fortunate career. I can say this confidently because see's been mostly a sidekick in movies yet she comes out with an Oscar? Monsters Ball was cool, but Oscar? I know she's mega hot,... but Oscar???????

Go see catwoman with your little sis.
 

ge-man

Member
SteveMeister said:
Halle Berry was on the Today show this morning. Matt Lauer asked her, why as an Oscar winner she'd accept roles like this, and Halle's answer was, basically, "Hey I've already GOT the Oscar, and lots of other awards. I could fall prey to the 'Oscar curse', and be so picky & choosy about roles I never work again. But instead I choose to pick roles I think will be fun. I don't have to prove anything to anyone." Again, not an exact quote, but that's basically what she said.

+1 Halle Berry

But I still have no intention of going to see this movie :D

Sure, she's says that now. But what happens when the roles dry because too many bad choices make her unbankable? She'll be singing a different tune. There's nothing wrong with doing you're own thing, but at this moment Halle could probably do better than Catwoman at the very least.
 

tmdorsey

Member
I agree that the movie looks likes trash and I won't see it, but I must say it is of my opinion that the hating on Halle in this forum sucks.
 

teiresias

Member
Halle Berry was on the Today show this morning. Matt Lauer asked her, why as an Oscar winner she'd accept roles like this, and Halle's answer was, basically, "Hey I've already GOT the Oscar, and lots of other awards. I could fall prey to the 'Oscar curse', and be so picky & choosy about roles I never work again. But instead I choose to pick roles I think will be fun. I don't have to prove anything to anyone." Again, not an exact quote, but that's basically what she said.

+1 Halle Berry

But I still have no intention of going to see this movie

Quite a change from going on TV and saying how she was forced to take the role of Storm because there were no good parts for black actresses and that the role and film were beneath her - all before the first X-Men film was even released. Stupid bitch, I can't stand that woman.
 
human5892 said:
I wonder how long until she ends up doing a made-for-TV Lifetime Original movie?

Does anyone know the cable made-for-tv movie heirarchy, I would guess its HBO, network (compared to HBO lately, these ones have been crap), then TNT or TBS, then FX and USA, then Lifetime and Sci Fi.
 

yoshifumi

Banned
one of the managers of the theater i work at asked me if i wanted to watch a screening of this, and i was like 'um...hell no"
 
http://filmfreakcentral.net/screenreviews/catwoman.htm
Catwoman is all the bad that Gigli promised to be and more. It's bad enough that not only are careers over, but somebody should be slapped. The question arises as to whether it's as bad as Glitter, and though the answer is "sure," that doesn't fully address the fact that it's bad in the same way as Glitter. It's fabulously, deliriously, egregiously awful--a queer camp classic in the making, and the second film so far this summer to squeeze a lovely young actress into S&M gear (see: Keira Knightley in King Arthur). If this is the face of modern feminism ("I'm bad, but only as bad as I wanna be," Berry's Catwoman skanks), then count me in: I'm strangely un-threatened by the show-all boom-boom girl power of Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, the Olsen Twins, and so on. Call me crazy.

http://www.wafflemovies.com/catwoman.html
She can do everything a Spider-Man can, but worse. Much, much, much worse. Come to think of it, comparing Catwoman to Spider-Man is insulting to Spider-Man. Maybe Catwoman is more like Manimal as the movie drives past campy and directly into trashy.

http://www.filmcritic.com/misc/empo...4b5db197a3d13ac688256ed80061a882?OpenDocument
After Catwoman, I feel I’ve learned a lot about the furry beasts. For instance, did you know most cats are amazing martial artists? Or have C cups? Or have an innate sense of style that makes them be able to go from the last girl in New York that can’t match her clothes to a magazine model? Or have the self-confidence to let them look and act like they’re auditioning for Showgirls? It’s all true!

http://www.juicycerebellum.com/200428.htm
Every damn thing about the movie is shallow. There are no layers to the plot and no development for the characters. Laurel Hedare is bad because her husband cheats on her and she uses facial cream (hey, it'd make a good SNL skit). Her husband cheats on her and makes facial cream so Laurel can be bad. Detective Lone is a Detective so he can love Patience as he pursues Catwoman. Sally's there to make sex jokes and the gay cubicle guy is there because they already found five people to star in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Why is this movie here? That's a lot harder to answer. How could Warner Bros. follow-up the disaster that was Batman and Robin with something even worse? Armpit, or whatever his name is, directs the entire film like an MTV video. He has no sense of pacing. He does nothing to draw the audience in to Catwoman's world. Apparently, he thought Halle Berry's cleavage and tight leather pants would do all the work for him. He was mistaken.

After watching fifteen or twenty minutes of his directing I started wondering if Hollywood was doing a sort of Special Olympics thing for directors. Catwoman meows, purrs, and hisses, but mostly just sucks.
 

human5892

Queen of Denmark
ConfusingJazz said:
Does anyone know the cable made-for-tv movie heirarchy, I would guess its HBO, network (compared to HBO lately, these ones have been crap), then TNT or TBS, then FX and USA, then Lifetime and Sci Fi.
Actually, that sounds pretty accurate to me.
 

calder

Member
haha, the few positive reviews are even funnier.

An n insanely high score from some website... we should have guessed the hardcore cat fangirls would be effusive with the praise. ;)
The lighting, sets, costumes, etc., are all super stylish and just slightly heightened for a comic book world look and feel without going over the top. The director, Pitof, has a strong background in visual effects and it shows here very nicely. With Catwoman, his first American feature, he also proves he has the pacing and timing for an action film well in hand.

This movie is pure catnip for people who are partial to gutsy, stylish chick-flicks: Claws out, Catwoman is the comics cream of the crop because this is one of the few superhero films that showcases a female lead with such texture. Sure -- she's a sexy, self-assured kitten with a whip but she's also an interesting, entertaining character that we're more than happy to spend a couple of hours with. It's also a terrific movie for cat-lovers (we don't get thrown many bones, compared to dog and horse fans), featuring 43 fantastic felines, mostly majestic Oriental breeds. Midnight, a tabby with some pretty uncanny facial expressions, is portrayed by a purebred Egyptian Mau named Cairo. Cairo was doubled by Nile, who likes to sit quietly; and by Scarab, who enjoys running and jumping.
 
This review is strange: he thinks it's terrible, and he reccommends it!

http://splicedwire.com/04reviews/catwoman.html


"One of the hassles of a four-star rating system for movie reviews is that at first glance it can appear to put an enjoyably bad movie on equal footing with a really good one -- case in point, this week's two big studio releases.

Inventive, original and packed with uncommonly intelligent action, "The Bourne Supremacy" is an example of a great three-star movie -- one that I toyed with giving another half-star, but while it's on the "great" end of "good," it didn't quite cross the threshold into "extraordinary." (I hope that makes some kind of sense.)

But "Catwoman" is a whole different kind of three-star movie -- one so blundering, so badly written, so ripped to shreds by the actors chewing the scenery, so pretentiously self-serious, and yet seemingly aware of its own off-the-charts camp value -- that it is wildly entertaining, but for all the wrong reasons."


and at the end of the review : "So although it confounds me to give any movie three stars specifically for being awful, my rule for this rating is a "solid recommend," and the fact is, there's a great time to be had at "Catwoman" -- just bring lots of popcorn to throw at the screen."
 
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