Always-honest
Banned
well that was the first thing you should have asked
Cheating on your SO
- Thread starter Kem0sabe
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intheinbetween
Member
Well she has been texting each other in front of me while watching tv, and I saw some suspicious messages from him, also his comments on her facebook photos are quite suspicious as well. This isn't something new from last week, but something I first overlooked and now it's bigger.
But you're right. Because if my previous relationships I'm an insecure person. I've been cheated, I've been dumped by phone, and I have never had any self steem for anything, but this girl changed my mind so I'm scared of losing her.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Sorry to imply that.
My use of "idealism" wasn't meant to imply unrealistic expectations.
I'm just saying that if she's not the ideal 'ex-boyfriend shutting down' girlfriend... that's not necessarily a clue that she's a cheater.
I think it's perfectly reasonable for exes to play out their old patterns of flirtation. As long as they aren't actually cheating... it doesn't matter.
wha?
Always-honest
Banned
as in: why am i not trusting my gf?
And if there is reason not to trust her, why would she want to seek attention with someone else instead of me. what am i not doing right.
Ofcourse non of these questions would be any good if she is just a cockhongry slut.
i understand. And that's another reason to ask yourself these questions. You could have had bad luck. I'm notsaying you are the reason why your former gf cheated. But certain behaviour (like extreme jealousy or being a control freak) CAN drive people into the hands of others.
It owuld never be an excuse for cheating ofcourse, cause they could just end the relationship or talk to you about it, but i'm just trying to look at this from different perspectives. I guess the question some people could ask themselves is: are you a great (or the best you can be) partner for you SO? We can't be all the time.
Chuckie
Member
Well the message were shady, so even if he distrusted her, he rightfully did so.
lol. Yeah blame the victim. If she thinks she doesn't get enough attention, she should say that to him, not seeking it with an ex.
Her behaviour is worse than his.
"it is not always my fault."
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
The bolded is a really good sign. It means she isn't hiding the general situation. She's just responding to some texts. Maybe the ex is dogging her too much with a bit of flirting. Maybe she isn't saying "back off buddy" in response. But she ain't cheating bro. Or thinking about it. It's just talk, IMO.
Always-honest
Banned
i'm in no way saying that he is responsible for behaviour she might do. I'm saying it COULD be a reason and that might be worth looking into.
Some people act like a victim all the time.
And yes, if she doesn't get enough attention, she should say that to him. I allready said that.
It's in no way a reason for cheating or seeking attention elsewhere.
Also. we do NOT know the entire story here. Her behaviour could still be a number of things and could still be very harmless imo.
It would have been really bad if she would have said: mind your own business or something. But she seems committed to the relationship.
Not sure what you mean by that.
intheinbetween
Member
The bolded is a really good sign. It means she isn't hiding the general situation. She's just responding to some texts. Maybe the ex is dogging her too much with a bit of flirting. Maybe she isn't saying "back off buddy" in response. But she ain't cheating bro. Or thinking about it. It's just talk, IMO.
That's it, but she should have said 'back off with that, I'm engaged', that's why I'm disappointed with her.
I have to make an effort to make her feel desired by me everyday. Maybe my professional and other personal problems are being the main weight on my shoulders and I should just disconnect when I get home, I'm a very sensitive person and that's other of my flaws, cause I can't get problems out of my mind so easily
Always-honest
Banned
That's it, but she should have said 'back off with that, I'm engaged', that's why I'm disappointed with her.
I have to make an effort to make her feel desired by me everyday. Maybe my professional and other personal problems are being the main weight on my shoulders and I should just disconnect when I get home, I'm a very sensitive person and that's other of my flaws, cause I can't get problems out of my mind so easily
Same here. At least you're aware of it.
I am sure that it will be her intention to stay faithful. Even as the adrenaline surges through her, and giggling dementedly, she binge drinks and knocks back shots. She'll be telling her friends how special you are as they accept a drink from the 'good looking fella' at the bar. As she staggers on to the dance floor and feels Kevin the builder's engorged manhood jabbing into her bottom, throughout the Lionel Richie medley, she will be thinking 'It can't hurt, it's only flirting. What he doesn't know can't hurt him'. Outside the bar, barely able to stand, she will be explaining, in that slightly pompous way, that she has a boyfriend and that Kev is being very naughty putting his hands up her top like that.
Then she will feel his breath against her neck, the warm night air will force the alcohol to surge through her body and the next thing she remembers will be the slow rhythmic slap of Kevin's pelvis against her arse and the faint sensation of humiliation and pleasure as he drunkenly slaps her behind slurring 'yeah c**t. Ah, yeah, you bitch'.
Desperate to please she will allow him to place his blunt sadness in her mouth, explore the darkness of her skull, and accept his desiccated DNA against the back of her parched and gagging throat.
As he wipes his penis on the cheap linen of his cheap bed in his institutionalised holiday box in the sun above the Adelphos Fish and Chip Palace, and lurches to the bathroom with the words 'I need a p*ss', she will feel the sobering effects of shame and the promise she made to man who trusted her
Then she will feel his breath against her neck, the warm night air will force the alcohol to surge through her body and the next thing she remembers will be the slow rhythmic slap of Kevin's pelvis against her arse and the faint sensation of humiliation and pleasure as he drunkenly slaps her behind slurring 'yeah c**t. Ah, yeah, you bitch'.
Desperate to please she will allow him to place his blunt sadness in her mouth, explore the darkness of her skull, and accept his desiccated DNA against the back of her parched and gagging throat.
As he wipes his penis on the cheap linen of his cheap bed in his institutionalised holiday box in the sun above the Adelphos Fish and Chip Palace, and lurches to the bathroom with the words 'I need a p*ss', she will feel the sobering effects of shame and the promise she made to man who trusted her
intheinbetween
Member
Honestly I feel relieved because she told me crying very beautiful things that sounded very truthful, I can't imagine her lying like that because she is a very direct women, if she wanted to dump me she would have just told me so, I've seen her like that and in this situation she was just crying and regretting.
And as far as I know she hasn't cheated any of her exbfs, so that's something to have in mind
And as far as I know she hasn't cheated any of her exbfs, so that's something to have in mind
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
I think it's all good man. Now she knows it hurts. It's over.
Lmao oh my... In between dude this is not gonna happen.
intheinbetween
Member
I know that won't happen, she doesn't like pubs or discos like that
Now seriously, anyway I will cut all the ties by going with her and her friends to the pub he works for, to meet him
I know that won't happen, she doesn't like pubs or discos like that
Now seriously, anyway I will cut all the ties by going with her and her friends to the pub he works for, to meet him
Aw dude. Don't wink at us knowingly like your plan is to actually go there and shoot the guy.
intheinbetween
Member
Aw dude. Don't wink at us knowingly like your plan is to actually go there and shoot the guy.
lol, I'm not that maniac dude xD
The day he sees her coming thru the door by me, I'm sure if he doesn't know about what happened during this weekend, then he will.
I cheated yesterday. I felt horrible the entire time it happened, called my gf after, confessed everything today. I'm single now and I can't blame her. I think we could have worked it out but in all honesty I don't think I deserve to be with her any more. I did a really, really shitty thing and I don't know why I'm even posting in this thread, but there you go.
Always-honest
Banned
Always-honest
Banned
Do you know why you didn't stay faithfull to her? Or was it just uncontrollable sex urge?
Part of it was pent-up sexual frustration (no sex with the gf after six months of dating), part of it was dissatisfaction with the relationship in other matters, part of it was opportunity, but mostly I was weak when I shouldn't have been.
Cheating has always been one of those "you're automatically a scumbag if you do this" things to me. I'm not sure being in that situation has changed my views on the matter.
Always-honest
Banned
Unless you're in an open relationship (or in a culture where it's generally accepted), it's basicly knowingly hurting the person you would never want to hurt (in a healthy relationship). That always seems weird to me. I can understand why people would want to fuck others and i can understand why people would want to be in another relationship than the one they are currently in. But i always hope that when my GF wants out or wants changes (or wants to fuck another dude), she tells me instead of cheating.
AdventureRacing
Member
At least you were honest about it and you're accepting responsibility. It's not a nice thing to do but it sounds like you're going to learn from it.
That's it, but she should have said 'back off with that, I'm engaged', that's why I'm disappointed with her.
I have to make an effort to make her feel desired by me everyday. Maybe my professional and other personal problems are being the main weight on my shoulders and I should just disconnect when I get home, I'm a very sensitive person and that's other of my flaws, cause I can't get problems out of my mind so easily
I dunno if i could deal with a breach of confidence like that. For me, the only way a relationship can work is if there is absolute trust and communication, she should have come forth the first time he messaged her.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Well here I am with my luck. My fiancee just came back from having a few drinks with her friends, one if them is an exbf which has been suspicious to me for a while. She came back puking and she left the cellphone by the bed. The phone started to receive whatsapp messages from this guy and well I took the phone just to say she arrived ok and then vame the storm.., I read messages from previous days in ehich she commented about her lingerie, if he was hot, and all that dirty talk. He was all the time asking for her attention. As I found this she got angry and told me she hasn't done anything at all, it's just talk.
I don't have any proof about if something has happened but Now I'm feeling broken. I know I should trust her, we'be been living together for two years, we are together almost all the time and I know it couldn't has happened nothing yet, they've met like 3 times or so in the pub he works in.
Now I'm lost, this is her flat, amd if we broke I gotta start a new life, I'd have to look for a rent, she would have to give me back the money I spent in many things for this new flat.. it would be painful, though the worst thing is that I should probably mo
to my hometown (500km from here) so I'd lost my job..
GAF help, should I just be patient and talk about this calmly later or should I just dump her for these messages?
it's been more than 24 hours awake and now the minutes are gonna pass like days
Wow, this thread has become a living example of cheating on your SO.
In this case though, it might just be a case of lacking communication. Have you been clear with what the two of you are okay with?
Would she for an example mind you doing the same thing [sexting with other girls]?
But regardless of whether or not she thinks it is just all talks, it falls upon you to decide whether or not you are okay with it - she has no say in that.
Now it is a tricky situation in your case because you are a bit dependent on her. I guess there is a bit more leeway in your scenario as she might just be entertaining the thought of cheating on you rather than having cheated on you - but is there really any difference between the two aside from the actual sex bit?
She is still betraying you, gambling away the relationship you two have built up over two years, for the sake of the thrill of receiving the titillating suggestions of a stranger.
Chuckie
Member
Yeah I've always been that guy. And then I also cheated.
Our relationship was already as good as over, no more communication, love was gone.
And then one night I met a girl and stuff happened. The day after that I actually was about to meet the girlfriend to break up with her (an intention that was actually mutual) so no real harm was done...
... but even then it still felt really shitty. Couldn't I have just waited untill I truelly broke up with her?
I still think cheating is wrong and a mistake (one I made) but I do not longer believe in: Once a cheater, always a cheater etc.
intheinbetween
Member
We talked a bit more about it 15 minutes ago. I know they know each other since 10 years ago, and I forgot it wasn't his ex boyfriend but a ten year ago one night stand, so there aren't feelings involved. She just told me they're only friends and there's no risk at all, she also told me she said she's emgaged since the day I proposed, and he congratulated her about it.
She also told me she has already asked me several time to meet him, he's a good person and again, only friends.
However I asked her to back him off when he starts flirting, I'm not that clised minded to ban the guy, but I explainedbto her my feelings about it, and what could happen if this continues or if she finally cheat me.
I'm glad she didn't cheat, and that we are close to get over this dramatic issue, but anyway I'll keep an eye on this guy and, definitely, I will meet him
Psychotext
Member
Snap his thumbs, no more texting!
Or at least... slower texting. Can't be sexy when you're one finger pecking the phone.
Or at least... slower texting. Can't be sexy when you're one finger pecking the phone.
Oh come on, don't act like there isn't a huge difference between cheating on someone and confessing immediately or cheating on someone right before you break off a not-working relationship, and cheating for a long period and lying about it, hiding things.
Lying is the worst thing, that's what breaks someone's spirit.
How bad were the texts from her side really? You're making it sound like she wasn't a willing/consenting participant in the texting. And it doesn't matter if it was an ex boyfriend or a one night stand - she's hanging around with him while she's drunk. That's knowingly putting yourself in a risky situation. There's always a possibility (more of a guarantee lol) that you'll do something you'll regret when you get drunk as fuck. Texting like that and getting drunk with a person who you know is into you, and you are at least sexually into as well, then there's a high chance that the thing you'll regret the next day is fucking him.intheinbetween said:
Bay Maximus
Banned
The 'enabler' shares the blame in the same way that Burger King shares the blame for a guy cheating on his diet. Which is to say, none at all. I think the effects of crack cocaine and sex on the brain are much too different for that to be a fair comparison anyway.
If someone makes someone in a relationship cheat, then the person being made to cheat should press charges immediately. Because outside of rape, there is no making someone cheat.
JohnnyPhatsaqs
Banned
I haven't read the thread, but if you cheat on your SO....you're a piece of shit.
Ding ding ding ding. I'm married and this happened to me. They worked together and she formed an emotional bond with him. From a captured chat log there was some serious and explicit flirting going on, but the emotional cheating was just awful. It turned into a couple kisses that were awkward, and didn't make it past that.
It was five years ago and we are just going into counseling. The dynamics if infidelity are astounding. Why did she do it? What happened to her so long ago that caused her to want this? Lots of stories.
Did you ever tell her that no sex after 6 months was a huge problem?
Most of the time cheating can be avoided by using basis, direct communication.
6 months without sex, though? Someone has to TELL you that's a problem?
B.. but how can u leave her first? A.. and it dont mean i dont luv her! And times change! It's normal now...
- jerks
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
Meh.. if I fuck a married woman, I have absolutely no responsibility to her husband, unless he is a friend or some other sort of acquaintance.
It's her promise she is violating.
Do I feel some responsibility to the overall concept of monogamy? To not contributing to other people's indiscretions?
Not at all. If you do, go for it.. if you wanted to judge me for it.. go for it. Not my problem.
It's her promise she is violating.
Do I feel some responsibility to the overall concept of monogamy? To not contributing to other people's indiscretions?
Not at all. If you do, go for it.. if you wanted to judge me for it.. go for it. Not my problem.
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
And part of it was, you clearly should have broken up with this girl... is that what you mean by "weak"??
Not enough balls to end a clearly bad relationship?
That IMO is one of the main contributors to "cheating".. and I can understand it. I've been there.. it's hard to end relationships.. it's almost worse sometimes to end a "bad relationship," because quite often everyone involved is in a poor mental state.. and despite how unhappy the situation is, will respond extremely negatively to being "left."
CrudeDiatribe
Member
No sex before marriage! It's his fault for not putting a ring on it quickly enough.
Omegasquash
Member
Yeah...if you don't have sex for 6 months, something is wrong. VERY wrong. Failing something medical. When sex frequency changes it needs to be talked about so that both parties understand WTF is up.
Talk about it, and chances are you'll come to an understanding.
If you've been keeping to the "no sex before marriage" then you would be a virgin who wouldnt be bothered by 6 months without sex, and wouldnt use it as a reason to cheat.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
... only if both parties wanted to wait until marriage. Sometimes this choice is inflicted by one person on the other partner (as is their right, of course). When you're young and stupid you can get caught up in it rather than bailing out.
I was young and stupid once.
I know it's not perfect choosing a lifelong mate, but I would think you should be with someone who at least agrees with you on such important personal values.
Omegasquash
Member
Hey dude, best of luck to you. It's really, REALLY good that you were able to talk through some things, but just...be careful, man. Don't allow things like the roof over your head to factor in to your feelings. But if she's hanging with a dude drunk off her ass and talking about lingerie and whatnot...well, you'll know when you meet him.
Just do yourself a favor if she so much as starts to ice up. Walk the fuck away.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
Probably. We're discussing cheating and not having sex for six months, happy outcomes aren't really expected.
Well we're duscussing what leads to it. Happy outcomes are definitely not expected if you start off by being in a long-term relationship, even getting engaged to, a person who doesn't share the same views on how a relationship should be. Whether or not you have sex before marriage is an extremely important value related to relationships.
I know we're not robots, but... you know what you're getting into with being engaged to someone who doesn't believe in premarital sex. This is less understandable IMO then cheating in other situations that were not as predictable.
Joel Was Right
Member
Question
Being a victim in this situation can have serious life long effects that can hamper your future relationships. Is it a contradiction to have moved on from that heartbreak, and forgiven your ex, and yet be receptive to the idea that they one day be cheated on just so they can truly understand what they did to you?
Being a victim in this situation can have serious life long effects that can hamper your future relationships. Is it a contradiction to have moved on from that heartbreak, and forgiven your ex, and yet be receptive to the idea that they one day be cheated on just so they can truly understand what they did to you?
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