I just had what I think is the single strangest co-op experience I've ever had in Dark Souls. I got summoned at the interior bonfire of Anor Londo. I was the first phantom summoned and the host was looking for another one. After two failed summons the host just stops moving for a couple of minutes. After shrugging and looking skyward a few times I decide to kill some time by taking the silver knights to school and discover that the host has yet to do anything in the level. That's no biggie, so I just set to work clearing out the silver knights on the first couple of floors. Around the time I finish off the last one up pops a message that a dark spirit has invaded. I book it back to the bonfire room to discover the host standing in the exact same position he was in when I left five minutes ago and showing absolutely no intention to start moving again.
At this point I decide that I might as well make the most of things and try to have some fun with the situation. So I close the door to the room and go looking for the invader. Upon reaching the second floor landing where the two mimics are I spy with my little eye something glowing red and wearing Havel's gloves and leggings and a Pinwheel mask while doing cartwheels. That's an invader all right.
He goes for a backstab while locked on, I go for a backstab while not locked on, and so the invader becomes an ex-invader. I go back and check on the host. He hasn't moved.
So I start depopulating Anor Londo. All the silver knights and all the giants die to my phantom. I leave behind the unique enemies for the host to kill personally, but everything that respawns goes. After finishing off the two tabard-wearing giants in the main hall I start heading outside to deal with the gargoyles. As I reach the blacksmith I get a notification that a dark spirit has invaded.
It's the same guy as before.
We meet on the balcony above the main door to the cathedral, overlooking the main hall. Showing the sort of admirable adaptability I have come to expect from invaders he goes for a backstab while locked on. I go for a backstab while not locked on. That's an invader all right.
With the interloper dead for the second time I head back to check on the host. He hasn't moved. I smash all the furniture in the room to express my frustration, then shrug and look skyward at him a few times. He doesn't move. I decide to finish off the gargoyles then black crystal out, and if an invader shows up after I'm gone then, well, they can have him.
As I near the main hall I get a notification that a phantom is being summoned. I rush back to the bonfire. The host is moving. The no longer absent host, the new phantom, and I run through the level in short order, killing the unique enemies as we go. A mimic drops a Symbol of Avarice. The host puts it on. When we reach the main hall a notification pops up that a spirit of vengeance has invaded. The host makes a beeline for the blacksmith.
With an invader in the game.
While losing HP every second from the Symbol of Avarice.
He starts shopping. Slowly.
The other phantom and I amuse ourselves emoting at one another. The host finally finishes his shopping and immediately starts charging up the stairs. The other phantom and I follow, lagging behind a bit. When we reach the top we find the host facing off with the invader on the same balcony where I dispatched my old Darkwraith friend. The host has his shield up and is circling. The invader is spamming parries at thin air. Suddenly and inexplicably emboldened, the host charges his chain-parrying foe head-on and, in an unforeseeable turn of events, is riposted and instantly killed. The invader makes a come at me bro emote even though the bro has, in fact, already come at him. That's an invader all right.
Goodbye, host. Had I bothered to look at your PSN name I swear that I would remember you for the rest of my days.