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[Atrus]

I like the sound of this, but I'd have to adopt the mindset of "I am such a great person, I enjoy my own company, even though others don't enjoy my company." "That girl that just ignored me missed out on a great guy."

If I was a man that had had relationships, and had a woman/women express interest in me and enjoy being with me, I'd find that so much easier. I'd be able to refer to those experiences with women in my mind, and know that any woman that rejects me missed out on somebody that has showed other women a great time.

I can keep telling myself that I am a great guy, that they missed out. That I enjoy my own company all of the time, and that I am developing myself. But they really haven't missed out on anything. They meet a funny, smart guy that is relatively, or really good looking, and then they're happy. I am still that non-entity that they take no interest in because I walk funny, appear meek or timid, or am just plain ugly. Or all three.

They have not missed out on anything.

I feel that to develop myself in the manner you describe, I'd need to have or have had healthy relationships. I'd need to have those emotional connections.

The first step is to stop making excuses. You know what you're telling me in some manner can be seen as an excuse, which to you is qualified more as a rationalization.

Just do it. Don't think about what other people think, don't think about why you need to do something that benefits you, don't think about why you didn't do it today or skipped out on it. Just do it.

Getting some sun, exercising, trading some of your wasteful personal time into productive personal time, is not demanding except for the fact that it isn't your current habit and honestly, that is really the source of that negativity. A resistance to change and effort.

We invest in things all the time but rarely do we often work ourselves as we do our videogame characters, but we innately know that the more time we spend on them, the better and more experienced they become.

You are the person you define yourself to be and you won't have to think a certain way if you already are a certain way. This is not a race and you quite literally have decades of life in front of you. Fill it with things and stories and frankly, everything else pretty much takes care of itself including women and relationships.

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

Regret is a million times worse than rejection. That should be in the OP somewhere. So true.

 

[Cubsfan23]

I don't know if I'd post a picture, but I do know that I feel I look unnatural and 'stiff' in pictures that have been taken of me even when I am not posing or expecting a picture. I have a unibrow, too. Would that really stop people chatting to me, though?



You sound much like me. My reality is what I experience when I go out the front door. There's a reason I am a lonely man, or perhaps many reasons. I am who I am. Clearly people are not attracted to me, perhaps because of my looks and lack of social development. I don't know.

I even had a woman tell me to "Fucking move" simply because I passed by in front of her as she was leaving the store! A customer. That absolutely crushed my confidence, and I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. I didn't retaliate, but I watched on and saw her shaking her head as she continued out.

My work friend tells me that there's no women suited to me in my workplace, or even the area I live in! Then where are they?! In imaginary mythical land?



I like the sound of this, but I'd have to adopt the mindset of "I am such a great person, I enjoy my own company, even though others don't enjoy my company." "That girl that just ignored me missed out on a great guy."

If I was a man that had had relationships, and had a woman/women express interest in me and enjoy being with me, I'd find that so much easier. I'd be able to refer to those experiences with women in my mind, and know that any woman that rejects me missed out on somebody that has showed other women a great time.

I can keep telling myself that I am a great guy, that they missed out. That I enjoy my own company all of the time, and that I am developing myself. But they really haven't missed out on anything. They meet a funny, smart guy that is relatively, or really good looking, and then they're happy. I am still that non-entity that they take no interest in because I walk funny, appear meek or timid, or am just plain ugly. Or all three.

They have not missed out on anything.

I feel that to develop myself in the manner you describe, I'd need to have or have had healthy relationships. I'd need to have those emotional connections.



I don't initiate conversation because women's behaviour around me is awkward or equivalent to holding a trash can lid up in front of her face with the words 'Don't talk to me' written on it.



Again, great post. I will try to take what you say on board.



I'd love a new perspective on this. Perhaps then I'd feel like I can get on with my life.

I could indulge entirely in other activities, I guess. Forget women, focus on enjoying myself doing my own thing. But to do that I'd have to be comfortable with the reality that I've always been a loner, and the thought of being alone forever, while I look on at the happy couples and attractive women around my place of work. I don't know if I can get over that barrier.

This is all beliefs that can be changed (the negative ones). The more you resist this notion, the more things will stay the same

 

[soultron]

My roommate is friendzoning himself hard with this one girl he likes and it's so hard to watch. I've told him to cut the shit with the FB chat and long text conversations, but he feels great about it all. I tell him, "Just ask her out and stop talking to her so much; use texts/FB as a means to arrange a meet-up," to which he responds, "I think it's better to let a girl get to know who you are and get comfortable. I don't want to scare her off."

Dude, no.

 

[neptunes]

Regret is a million times worse than rejection. That should be in the OP somewhere. So true.

Anyone here believe in getting a 2nd chance to approach someone you missed the first time?

 

[Hylian7]

My roommate is friendzoning himself hard with this one girl he likes and it's so hard to watch. I've told him to cut the shit with the FB chat and long text conversations, but he feels great about it all. I tell him, "Just ask her out and stop talking to her so much; use texts/FB as a means to arrange a meet-up," to which he responds, "I think it's better to let a girl get to know who you are and get comfortable. I don't want to scare her off."

Dude, no.

I'm guessing he hasn't even made it slightly clear at all that he likes her as more than a friend?

 

[Minamu]

My roommate is friendzoning himself hard with this one girl he likes and it's so hard to watch. I've told him to cut the shit with the FB chat and long text conversations, but he feels great about it all. I tell him, "Just ask her out and stop talking to her so much; use texts/FB as a means to arrange a meet-up," to which he responds, "I think it's better to let a girl get to know who you are and get comfortable. I don't want to scare her off."

Dude, no.

Show him this thread?

 

[Leeroy3101]

Mini-golf. So easy to be funny while playing mini-golf.

Yes. Do what this man says.

 

[Zomba13]

Yes. Do what this man says.

Mini-Golf does sound good. Not been in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

 

[airmangataosenai]

I just had a first date with a girl, it went alright for the most part. Got a second date for next week set up already and she texted me that she had a good time right after I dropped her off too! I didn't make any moves though and I'm nervous that she'll start seeing me as just a friend if I'm not careful.

 

[Xun]

Not that anyone should/would care but I'm heading off now.

It should be a laugh whatever happens.

Have a blast either way You never know, maybe you'll inspire others into having the same kind of fun if they see you. In fact, this always happens to you

Meh.

We didn't know it was a punk night, so we just felt out of place.

But ah well, was good getting out anyway.

Would be nice to know some hip new places to go around this area though.

 

[Pein]

met a gorgeous girl who was hitting on me after a concert, she gave me her number and because Im a idiot and I because I drank too much I didn't save it.

On the plus its the first time a girl has called me cute and that felt awesome because I've been getting fit lately.

 

[jaxword]

My roommate is friendzoning himself hard with this one girl he likes and it's so hard to watch. I've told him to cut the shit with the FB chat and long text conversations, but he feels great about it all. I tell him, "Just ask her out and stop talking to her so much; use texts/FB as a means to arrange a meet-up," to which he responds, "I think it's better to let a girl get to know who you are and get comfortable. I don't want to scare her off."

Dude, no.

It'd be for the best for him.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Mini-Golf does sound good. Not been in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

Those are the best dates. Don't over-plan a date. Leave some room for some improvisation, or in your case, an activity that you haven't done in a long time. She'll enjoy it.

I just had a first date with a girl, it went alright for the most part. Got a second date for next week set up already and she texted me that she had a good time right after I dropped her off too! I didn't make any moves though and I'm nervous that she'll start seeing me as just a friend if I'm not careful.

I think it's still too early to be worried about that. In my experience, I've only ever made a move on a first date once, otherwise it's all been on the second and third dates and they've gone just fine.

Don't stress. Go for it on the next one.

Meh.

We didn't know it was a punk night, so we just felt out of place.

But ah well, was good getting out anyway.

Would be nice to know some hip new places to go around this area though.

What area do you live in, Xun?

Maybe next time line up a list of places you've never been to before and go there with your guys. It can be a fun activity and you never know what or who you might find.

 

[TurboLibre]

My roommate is friendzoning himself hard with this one girl he likes and it's so hard to watch. I've told him to cut the shit with the FB chat and long text conversations, but he feels great about it all. I tell him, "Just ask her out and stop talking to her so much; use texts/FB as a means to arrange a meet-up," to which he responds, "I think it's better to let a girl get to know who you are and get comfortable. I don't want to scare her off."

Dude, no.

You're only friendzoned if they're not attracted to you. If the girls into him I doubt his approach will hurt his chances too much. One of my best friends does this all the time, guy is always chatting on his phone with his prospects, and this dude has pretty much built up a harem at this point. I don't understand the whole "ask out a stranger" approach myself, the whole thing seems crazy to me.

Regret is a million times worse than rejection. That should be in the OP somewhere. So true.

Personally, I think the two go hand in hand.

 

[kid ness]

Usually I'm against texting before you meet up with a girl from OKcupid.

Against my better judgment, I'd been texting this girl from OKC for the past week pretty consistently. She went for my number, and initiated all of the texts. We talked on the phone on four different days for 30 minutes each time, and texted all the time. Needless to say, I was looking forward to the date we had planned for tonight.

I texted her a few hours ago asking if we were still on at the time we planned, just to confirm. She replied yes and asked if I had a facebook. In retrospect, I should have said something along the lines of "I just deactivated it" or "just deleted it" but stupidly I gave it to her and she friended me and with a smiley face asked me to friend her back.

I have nothing embarrassing on there, I hardly post anything, just a song I'm listening to or what not. Anyway, an hour later she texts me saying her dad got into a car accident and she has to go to the hospital. Obviously there's a chance of it being true, but man I'm calling bullshit. I guess she saw my Facebook and decided I wasn't worth it.

Most of my pictures on Facebook are old and I don't look like that anymore/dress better/am much more confident. Just a really disappointing experience and it feels like a kick to the face. We had great chemistry on the phone, I would have loved to see how it would have worked out in person -- but assuming that her excuse was a lie, it's great I got to see how shallow she was before anything happened. To top it off, she's currently "online now" on OkCupid.

Forgive me for rambling, but I just despise Facebook, partly for this reason. I've had it now for four years and I'm a completely different person than I was when I signed up. Years of my personal life has been stored on this thing, be it from wall posts or pictures of social events, which even with my strict privacy settings people can somehow see, thanks to timeline.

People change, something this should not be so readily accessible to anyone. Imagine in twenty years when we find a presidential candidate's facebook from when he/she was in college, filled with pictures of them doing a kegstand or some stupid shit at a frat house, which they obviously should not be held accountable for -- it could likely ruin their chances at getting elected. Apologies as I'm just rambling now, but I'm just in a sour mood after this whole experience. Going to take a break from Facebook and OKC if anything.

 

[Tess3ract]

I need to talk to someone about my ex

She says she loves me and that's why she doesn't want to date me, because she doesn't think she's good enough for me. She considers serious dating ~ marriage, and saying she can't date me because she loves me. She thinks that serious relationships don't have fun, and that our past relationship was serious.

Part of her complaint a while back was that we never "did" anything, but half the time her interests and mine aligned but we didn't do those interest together because her aforementioned feelings about it. Like she couldn't show me to her friends because it was serious, or a dinner date was serious.

A guy likes her for a while, and she wants to make him happy, but she doesn't love him. I told her, a relationship is two sided. She needs someone to make her happy, not just to make someone else happy. She says it would be better because she wouldn't feel like it's "serious" because she doesn't love him, and doesn't even want to have sex with him. She's like "well maybe if he wants to..."

I just can't understand.

 

[defel]

Wow the Hamster Wheel is spinning in that one.

 

[grumble]

I need to talk to someone about my ex

She says she loves me and that's why she doesn't want to date me, because she doesn't think she's good enough for me. She considers serious dating ~ marriage, and saying she can't date me because she loves me. She thinks that serious relationships don't have fun, and that our past relationship was serious.

Part of her complaint a while back was that we never "did" anything, but half the time her interests and mine aligned but we didn't do those interest together because her aforementioned feelings about it. Like she couldn't show me to her friends because it was serious, or a dinner date was serious.

A guy likes her for a while, and she wants to make him happy, but she doesn't love him. I told her, a relationship is two sided. She needs someone to make her happy, not just to make someone else happy. She says it would be better because she wouldn't feel like it's "serious" because she doesn't love him, and doesn't even want to have sex with him. She's like "well maybe if he wants to..."

I just can't understand.

Sounds like she was okay with dating you casually for a while but doesn't really consider you a romantic partner. The rest of it is bullshit. She's trying to put 'I'm not that into you' into words.

I'd use this as a learning experience; how she was wrong for you, why things might not have worked out, and how you can use this whole thing as a learning experience for next time.

In the meantime, stay positive.

 

[Remyzero]

GAF there is an attractive girl in my class that I been wanting to talk to, but considering there is only three more weeks left my time is running out. I think the best way to handle this is to ask her if she wants to study together...I guess I'm nervous and anxious about it at the same time.

 

[Tess3ract]

She says "she doesn't know how to be a real girlfriend" and says she wants a "shallow college relationship"

I suppose it's because she's turning 19 and I'm turning 23, and her fwb was a 25 year old drug addict. It's ironic because she doesn't love him, but she'd do stuff with him that people who are dating do. But she is okay with it because she doesn't "love" him, and she thinks that dating me will "waste your time" and how she isn't the girlfriend type. She calls herself a parasite.

She thinks that after 3 years of dating you'll be engaged. She's like, you want a relationship, I want fun.

Why is this so confusing?

 

[low-G]

Question for you guys that are a bit 'further along' in this whole thing. Dating is not a problem for me. Making out, touching boobs, whatever. Been there, done that.

Since the beginning I've wanted a relationship. It doesn't have to be a relationship in title, I just want a person that is there for me for at least x, and y, if not x, y, and z. To be specific I have people I can talk to about anything, I have girls that want to cuddle, I've had girls that I can have emotionally empty sex with... I'm not happy.

How much crushing disappointment should I expect? I assume there are lots of people that get what they need in relationships.

Makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I feel the most emotionally attached to the girls I am only friends with, because we talk about all sorts of nonsense. The girl I last had sex with could die and I wouldn't care (this may make me sound like an absolute asshole, but it's the truth so why lie to NeoGAF).

Yeah, the problem is at least partially me, but what is it. I can't figure out what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Yeah, the problem is at least partially me, but what is it. I can't figure out what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong.

It's a matter of time until you find someone, but that won't happen until you are 100% clear of what you want. A girl that is affectionate, gets your sense of humor, etc etc.

You also can't go into a relationship with such selfish views. It's not about what the girl can do for you, but what experiences you guys can share. That's the meaning behind the whole "be happy by yourself, before you can love someone" thingy.

 

[Xun]

What area do you live in, Xun?

Maybe next time line up a list of places you've never been to before and go there with your guys. It can be a fun activity and you never know what or who you might find.

I live in Greater London, but Central London really isn't that hard for me to get to (a bit of a pain to get back from though).

I'll try and find some places I guess.

 

[grumble]

Question for you guys that are a bit 'further along' in this whole thing. Dating is not a problem for me. Making out, touching boobs, whatever. Been there, done that.

Since the beginning I've wanted a relationship. It doesn't have to be a relationship in title, I just want a person that is there for me for at least x, and y, if not x, y, and z. To be specific I have people I can talk to about anything, I have girls that want to cuddle, I've had girls that I can have emotionally empty sex with... I'm not happy.

How much crushing disappointment should I expect? I assume there are lots of people that get what they need in relationships.

Makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I feel the most emotionally attached to the girls I am only friends with, because we talk about all sorts of nonsense. The girl I last had sex with could die and I wouldn't care (this may make me sound like an absolute asshole, but it's the truth so why lie to NeoGAF).

Yeah, the problem is at least partially me, but what is it. I can't figure out what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong.

Well, find girls that you connect with emotionally, and pursue them romantically? Dates, sex, everything?

Also while I'm traditional in that I don't think dating is a fast-track to sex, for a lot of people it is. You can play the field until you find someone you click with emotionally and physically.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Question for you guys that are a bit 'further along' in this whole thing. Dating is not a problem for me. Making out, touching boobs, whatever. Been there, done that.

Since the beginning I've wanted a relationship. It doesn't have to be a relationship in title, I just want a person that is there for me for at least x, and y, if not x, y, and z. To be specific I have people I can talk to about anything, I have girls that want to cuddle, I've had girls that I can have emotionally empty sex with... I'm not happy.

How much crushing disappointment should I expect? I assume there are lots of people that get what they need in relationships.

Makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I feel the most emotionally attached to the girls I am only friends with, because we talk about all sorts of nonsense. The girl I last had sex with could die and I wouldn't care (this may make me sound like an absolute asshole, but it's the truth so why lie to NeoGAF).

Yeah, the problem is at least partially me, but what is it. I can't figure out what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong.

knowing that you don't "need" a relationship is the first step.........and that happiness is something you can conjure up yourself, you don't find it outside of you.

a lot of people go into relationships hoping to fill some void, and that's why they fail.

 

[Leeroy3101]

I sort of alluded to this novel of a situation a page back. Probably best if I just let it all out here...

So, I have this friend. Her and I went on a date a little over a year and a half ago. It didn't workout because I reminded her of some dude she dated a year before. Needless to say, she ended up going for that guy after things didn't workout between the two of us. I went about doing my own thing after things didn't work out. I'm not the type that "feels the need" to always be involved with someone else. I still remained friendly to her and talked whenever she approached me or whatever. During that time she sort of used me for attention to try and possibly make the guy jealous. I confronted her to figure out what her deal was. Things went south and we didn't talk regularly after that.

Then things start to get weird last summer. She begins talking to me again. Like, talking to me all of the time and I wasn't sure where she was going with all of this. I ask her what's brought on her talking to me all of the sudden. She breaks down and tells me she feels really bad how it all went down. She apologized for "everything" and feels like she didn't give me a chance. Not sure what she meant by that so I kept her at an arm's distance. I still talked to her, though.

Things continued to be weird. She got estranged from our circle of friends due to things unrelated between her and I. Although, I think what happened between her and I made a few of my friends distance themselves from her. She's still talking with me and I'm keeping it friendly. She invites me for dinner over at her place and I completely avoid the question altogether. I wasn't looking to get all that baggage of her's back in my life again. But, I still made an effort to try and be a friend. It stayed there for the majority of the year. Last weekend we were messaging each other and she wanted to hang. I was a bit reluctant but I agreed.

We ended up going to play minigolf close to where both of us live. I didn't know what I was getting into but I just went in with the mindset to enjoy myself and have a good time with a friend. I picked her up because she lives close and was on the way. We get to the course and it feels different between us. We're breaking the touch barrier with playful nudges and her not knowing the right way to hold the club. She commented on how much smaller her hands are than mine. She compared hand sizes with me as we put our palms against each other. She held it and I had to break it. It was different. Overall, we played two games and had a blast. We both have a keen sense of wit and sarcasm at our disposal. We let it flow and enjoyed ourselves.

After both courses were done she wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to play another round or go and do something else. We ended up going to get ice cream at a local place. I ended up paying for hers and mine. Since I had the idea and I wanted to see where this was going. Wasn't trying to buy her off by any means. Just the gentleman inside me, that's all. She tried getting me to not pay but I told her it's my treat. We ate our ice cream outside and talked for the next two hours outside.

We talked a bit about everything. She told me things with that one guy were a really bad idea. I opened up to her about a couple of other experiences I had and made her laugh along the way, too. I figured opening up about that type of stuff puts you square in the friendzone and I was fine with that. Except after that she seemed to get a bit closer to me. We talked about religion, politics, other wacky people, and what our summer plans were. Somewhere along the way she tried figuring out where I was ticklish and challenged me to figure out her ticklish spots. I didn't because it was all a bit weird. I had no idea what lines we were crossing and I was playing it safe.

She got hungry and bought herself a burrito from next door. It was getting a bit later in the evening and she was getting cold. I offered to take her back to her place. She said sure but didn't seem to want to get away from me just yet. Before we left she said I could come into her place and we could watch a movie. I told her thanks but I was up earlier and feeling a bit tired. I took her back and we pulled in. She invited me in again to watch a movie but it was feeling really weird. I declined and she said she wanted to do this again. I said sure but she's going to be a little over an hour away during the summer. Told her we'd work something out. I gave her a hug and went home.

Since then her and I have been having really long conversations through texts. We never really did that before. She enjoys it and I find her funny, too. It all works out. She's mentioned to me a couple of times trying to figure out when we can hang out next. Things are a bit weird on my end right now but I told her in a month we can probably get together.

But anyhow....I'm not sure what her intentions are in all of this. None of this should be happening but it is. I'm sorry for the short novel but I think in order to understand this all you may need the appropriate context to the situation.

Just a side note: Please no PUA or B. Smith advice. That whole group is entitled to their opinion but it's not for me.

 

[Jenga]

gaf what do i do when a girl smiles at me and keeps touching me

does she want sex

 

[Cubsfan23]

she wants to bang you


you could do the "be hard to get" thing and it turn into a relationship i guess....

 

[Jenga]

she wants to bang you


you could do the "be hard to get" thing and it turn into a relationship i guess....

what if it's my friend's wife

because it is

 

[Lunchbox]

what if it's my friend's wife

because it is

threesome

then you will get to lay some touches on your friend as well, you always wanted to do that since childhood. so 2 birds 1 stone

 

[Jenga]

threesome

then you will get to lay some touches on your friend as well, you always wanted to do that since childhood. so 2 birds 1 stone

we could make it a foursome babe

 

[Attackthebase]

threesome

then you will get to lay some touches on your friend as well, you always wanted to do that since childhood. so 2 birds 1 stone

Be careful not to get her pregnant during the threesome. That would turn into some horrible sticom, and who wants that? (I do, get it done, and report back in nine months to ask Gaf about who the real father is of this possible bastard child.)

 

[grumble]

.

Well sounds to me like she wants to have sex with you. While Plan A was in the picture she kind of did her own thing, but now that he's gone she wants a piece of you.

Your call on whether or not you want this.

 

[Silicon Knight]

Welll, I'm back in the dating game.

Broke up with my GF this weekend, we had been dating for almost two years. A very extroverted person and a very introverted person do't mix, no matter how hard you're willing to change yourself.

Oh well, back on the market I guess. But first, some me-time.

 

[terrdactycalsrock]

Okay, I commented on a friends status, on Facebook, and I saw that her that a cute friend of hers posted as well. Now, just for a little back story, I do not talk to the mutual friend that we have in common. She only added me because we went to high school together. How do I approach the situation? I know I should be honest about my intent, or I would be forced into the friendzone. So should my first message be something like "hey, I find you attractive and I would like to get to know you"? Or is that being so honest that it comes off as creepy?

 

[luckyboyceo]

She got hungry and bought herself a burrito from next door.

I'm confused. Do you still want to be with her? Because you sound conflicted, and maybe you are, which is understandable.

Regardless, I think you should first figure out what you want before you try and interpret what she wants.

Welll, I'm back in the dating game.

Broke up with my GF this weekend, we had been dating for almost two years. A very extroverted person and a very introverted person do't mix, no matter how hard you're willing to change yourself.

Oh well, back on the market I guess. But first, some me-time.

Sorry to hear this, breakups are always tough. Some me-time should definitely be in order first.

Okay, I commented on a friends status, on Facebook, and I saw that her that a cute friend of hers posted as well. Now, just for a little back story, I do not talk to the mutual friend that we have in common. She only added me because we went to high school together. How do I approach the situation? I know I should be honest about my intent, or I would be forced into the friendzone. So should my first message be something like "hey, I find you attractive and I would like to get to know you"? Or is that being so honest that it comes off as creepy?

Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't possibly see how you could go about doing this and NOT come off as creepy.

The general rule of thumb seems to be messaging women you don't know on facebook is a bad idea. You almost always come off as creepy and it just doesn't work, at least from what I can tell. Unless of course she acknowledged you somehow in her post, then it might be acceptable. Still sounds like an uphill battle though.

 

[Branson]

Hurrrgh. Ex-fiancée just asked me "how are you?". On Draw Something (I know). Hmm. Personally I am doing better emotionally from it and it's been about 2 months. I'm kind of surprised she's saying anything to me through it. I guess I'll respond and see where it goes.

I guess cutting her out from Facebook made her actually wonder about me. Weird.

 

[Prologue]

Hurrrgh. Ex-fiancée just asked me "how are you?". On Draw Something (I know). Hmm. Personally I am doing better emotionally from it and it's been about 2 months. I'm kind of surprised she's saying anything to me through it. I guess I'll respond and see where it goes.

I guess cutting her out from Facebook made her actually wonder about me. Weird.

I wouldn't bother.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Hurrrgh. Ex-fiancée just asked me "how are you?". On Draw Something (I know). Hmm. Personally I am doing better emotionally from it and it's been about 2 months. I'm kind of surprised she's saying anything to me through it. I guess I'll respond and see where it goes.

I guess cutting her out from Facebook made her actually wonder about me. Weird.

Yeah, that's how it works. Now she's doing what she can to fill the void that you left when you deleted her.

Like Prologue said, I wouldn't bother responding either. Would you really be interested in talking with her again at this point? Don't you think that will just make things worse? It sounds like you've been making some good progress emotionally and I'd hate for you to set yourself back a few steps, which is what usually happens in these kind of situations.

 

[Prologue]

Yeah, that's how it works. Now she's doing what she can to fill the void that you left when you deleted her.

Like Prologue said, I wouldn't bother responding either. Would you really be interested in talking with her again at this point? Don't you think that will just make things worse? It sounds like you've been making some good progress emotionally and I'd hate for you to set yourself back a few steps, which is what usually happens in these kind of situations.

Whats up with girls doing that anyway? I had numerous ex's contact me months later after they left me. I never followed up with them but its bothersome. Its not like they would actually stay anyway so whats the point?

 

[luckyboyceo]

Whats up with girls doing that anyway? I had numerous ex's contact me months later after they left me. I never followed up with them but its bothersome. Its not like they would actually stay anyway so whats the point?

She may have been subconsciously insulted by the fact that you were fine moving on without her in your life, so that was her attempt to put herself back into your life, even if only for a few minutes.

It's backwards, I know, considering she was the one that left you, but there was probably still a void that was let when you guys split, and that was her attempt at filling it. At least, that's my interpretation of why that happens anyway. I agree though, more often than not it leaves me worse than I was prior to her reaching out. At some point it's obviously okay to reach out, but shit have a little bit of courtesy and give me some breathing room at first.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

My summer fitness routine has done great wonders for my confidence, not to mention the sheer testosterone boost it's provided. I notice I've been making a lot more eye contact lately and being more aggressive in saying hello to girls. I think my aura is changing too, because I'm getting more chit-chat from girls than I remember. Just today when I was out on my job, I was passing up a fine young lady--made eye contact, checked her out--and she gave me a high-five as I passed.

Things are looking good... I'm not going to hamstring myself by refusing to approach, but I know the fitter and skinnier I get, the better my chances with girls. Can't wait till this fall...new freshmen crop + me being 30 lbs lighter = potential hookup.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Hurrrgh. Ex-fiancée just asked me "how are you?". On Draw Something (I know). Hmm. Personally I am doing better emotionally from it and it's been about 2 months. I'm kind of surprised she's saying anything to me through it. I guess I'll respond and see where it goes.

I guess cutting her out from Facebook made her actually wonder about me. Weird.

She's trying to control you. Deleting her from Facebook upset her and she wants to remind you of her existence. She can't wait to twist the blade she's got in your back. If you keep in contact with her you will soon hear how well she's doing with her boyfriend.

 

[ConradCervantes]

She's trying to control you. Deleting her from Facebook upset her and she wants to remind you of her existence. She can't wait to twist the blade she's got in your back. If you keep in contact with her you will soon hear how well she's doing with her boyfriend.

Yup. I blocked an ex of mine on Facebook and she sent me a very angry text telling me how immature I was for doing so. Since we broke up four years ago she's popped in and out of my life on a friendly basis, and at any given time or another she'd ask me for advice about troubles in her new relationships when she fully knew I wasn't over her. Then I blocked her and that was that. She couldn't handle it, and the next time I saw her in person she drunkenly told me she wish we never broke up.

Funny how power dynamics work.

 

[SpectreFire]

Usually I'm against texting before you meet up with a girl from OKcupid.

Against my better judgment, I'd been texting this girl from OKC for the past week pretty consistently. She went for my number, and initiated all of the texts. We talked on the phone on four different days for 30 minutes each time, and texted all the time. Needless to say, I was looking forward to the date we had planned for tonight.

I texted her a few hours ago asking if we were still on at the time we planned, just to confirm. She replied yes and asked if I had a facebook. In retrospect, I should have said something along the lines of "I just deactivated it" or "just deleted it" but stupidly I gave it to her and she friended me and with a smiley face asked me to friend her back.

I have nothing embarrassing on there, I hardly post anything, just a song I'm listening to or what not. Anyway, an hour later she texts me saying her dad got into a car accident and she has to go to the hospital. Obviously there's a chance of it being true, but man I'm calling bullshit. I guess she saw my Facebook and decided I wasn't worth it.

Most of my pictures on Facebook are old and I don't look like that anymore/dress better/am much more confident. Just a really disappointing experience and it feels like a kick to the face. We had great chemistry on the phone, I would have loved to see how it would have worked out in person -- but assuming that her excuse was a lie, it's great I got to see how shallow she was before anything happened. To top it off, she's currently "online now" on OkCupid.

Forgive me for rambling, but I just despise Facebook, partly for this reason. I've had it now for four years and I'm a completely different person than I was when I signed up. Years of my personal life has been stored on this thing, be it from wall posts or pictures of social events, which even with my strict privacy settings people can somehow see, thanks to timeline.

People change, something this should not be so readily accessible to anyone. Imagine in twenty years when we find a presidential candidate's facebook from when he/she was in college, filled with pictures of them doing a kegstand or some stupid shit at a frat house, which they obviously should not be held accountable for -- it could likely ruin their chances at getting elected. Apologies as I'm just rambling now, but I'm just in a sour mood after this whole experience. Going to take a break from Facebook and OKC if anything.

This has been reminiscent of my experience and I will tell you straight up. When a girl does that, then give yourself a pat on the back because you've just dodged a bullet. If she is lying, then that's just a piss poor way to treat another person, one you supposedly have some sort of connection with. Anyone who judges you by some of the stuff you have on Facebook, especially old pictures, is not someone worth dating. Honestly, there isn't even an excuse for that, Facebook has almost literally made it impossible not for anyone to know how old a picture is or isn't. If she really was turned away by your old photos, then it's not Facebook's fault, it's her own damn fault.

 

[ZombieFred]

Hey guys, is it fine to sometimes feel a bit down after a long term relationship because you feel like it's going to be a while to find someone you've had a lot in common with and felt very content and relaxed? I am having one of these down feeling moments, it sucks, I know it's silly thoughts.

 

[Blue Ninja]

Hey guys, is it fine to sometimes feel a bit down after a long term relationship because you feel like it's going to be a while to find someone you've had a lot in common with and felt very content and relaxed? I am having one of these down feeling moments, it sucks, I know it's silly thoughts.

Of course it's fine: it's normal. I have 'em a lot. Just try to do something you like, or talk to someone who cares about you.

 

[Leeroy3101]

While Plan A was in the picture she kind of did her own thing, but now that he's gone she wants a piece of you.

Your call on whether or not you want this.

She actually ended things with him. Yet he never talked to her much after that. I can't blame him for doing that. It's hard for some people to maintain a friendship after things fizzle out. I always try to be the bigger person and keep lines of contact open.

She mentioned something about never being in a long term relationship. If she's looking for anything, I think it's one of those.

I'm confused. Do you still want to be with her? Because you sound conflicted, and maybe you are, which is understandable.

Regardless, I think you should first figure out what you want before you try and interpret what she wants.

That night I had no expectations. I was going to let happen whatever would happen. I wouldn't be opposed to a relationship with her. I'm just a bit hesitant based on what's happened before. No harm in jumping in and seeing where this goes, though.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Man, I am having no luck in this department. It kills your confidence when no form of dating is working for you.

My main two issues are:
1. I have very few friends around my college town anymore as most have moved since graduating a few years back. I still have what I would consider my "best" friend and his wife (who I am friends with) and brother (same), but none of them really go out much. I'll hang out with him and run around town on weekends, but nowhere that's going to get me meeting anyone new.

2. The very few new women I do meet have no interest in me. I'm 100% fine talking with women and pushing ahead, but I need to at least have some form of interest shown.

I'm on OKCupid, tried match and eharmony a bit and just have had no luck at all. Really kills your self-esteem when you can't even get a bite on an online dating service.

I've wanted to move to a new city for a while now and that urge keeps growing. I think it would make me find a handful of new friends and get me meeting people again.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life as it is now, but the lack of any luck with women is really starting to get to me.