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[NihonTiger90]

Found a cute girl who lives nearby, messaged her, saw she looked at my profile and never replied back.

Man, I need to get some good photos of myself where I don't look so bad. I think that's the problem.

That, or her standards for "looking for people near me" means in the same neighborhood and no further, lol.

 

[Pollux]

Girl I thought was sort of interested in me just completely shut me down. I took a step back and realized that I came on incredibly strong for the last week or two, so I don't really blame her haha. But it still hurts, wounded pride and embarrassment more than anything else. I just need to get back into the game, after 4 years of being in a relationship I've gotten pretty rusty.

Anyway, apparently I called her when I was drunk last night and that might have had something to do with the "coming on strong" thing...so...I deleted her number and if she wants to call me she can, otherwise, I'm done and I'm moving on.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Well now looking at my post... it really looks like trying to clear my mind

Thanks for the advices, and i know the OT 2 advices arent necesary rules but they are certainly a good guide, but i complement it with the advices from friends, family, etc who are in relationships

Ill keep trying, cuz it sure its fun trying and failing but make progress. after all its as you said "dont sweat it" im just starting

Thanks

 

[LProtag]

Well tonight I've finally had the most back-and-forth conversation I've had with any girl on OKC. We're writing pretty long responses to each other, feels like old school letter writing. It's kinda nice.

When should I bring up contacting her in a different way than messages? Should I bring up the idea of skype or just ask to meet? She lives around 40 minutes away.

 

[NateDrake]

Well tonight I've finally had the most back-and-forth conversation I've had with any girl on OKC. We're writing pretty long responses to each other, feels like old school letter writing. It's kinda nice.

When should I bring up contacting her in a different way than messages? Should I bring up the idea of skype or just ask to meet? She lives around 40 minutes away.

Every girl I've messaged on OKC so far have voluntarily given me their cell phone #s for texting. Asking to Skype may be a good move.

 

[Unicorn]

Why the fuck is everyone in my area majoring in psych, sociology, and anthropology??

Every girl I've messaged on OKC so far have voluntarily given me their cell phone #s for texting. Asking to Skype may be a good move.

Also, I hate you, because I can't help but think that you are actually Nathan Drake irl.

Edit:

Wow. OKC ran out of Quick Matches for me. I think It's time to join Match.com or POF. Anyone have experience with those? I'm afraid of seeing my dad on POF.

 

[LProtag]

Every girl I've messaged on OKC so far have voluntarily given me their cell phone #s for texting. Asking to Skype may be a good move.

Jeeze. I've had one girl randomly give me her number after I responded to one of her messages, but I just wasn't interested.

I'll see how our messages back and forth go and figure out what to do. I'm massively awkward over video chats for some reason.

 

[-PXG-]

Sent emails to 20 different women on match.com yesterday and nobody has answered and the day before I sent 10 and so on. Why can't they just simply say "No I'm not interested in you". When they say that they are honest about things it sounds to me like it's all bullshit :/

People have lives. People are busy and not necessarily online everyday. Plus, typically, on online dating sites, women get far more messages than men. Give them time to sift through them.

You can't expect them to read through every single message they get. They receive a ludicrous amount of bullshit. I don't blame them if they simply delete most and open random ones. It sucks, but what can you do? Blame the assholes who send them shit. I'd probably do the same, honestly.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Why the fuck is everyone in my area majoring in psych, sociology, and anthropology??


Also, I hate you, because I can't help but think that you are actually Nathan Drake irl.

Edit:

Wow. OKC ran out of Quick Matches for me. I think It's time to join Match.com or POF. Anyone have experience with those? I'm afraid of seeing my dad on POF.

Match is a scam. Hard to tell who can message you back and women will just message guys just to get the free refund if they havent found a 'match' after a certain amount of time but need to send messages, which blew my mind.

 

[Unicorn]

oops, thought Match was free. What other free dating sites are there?

 

[NateDrake]

Why the fuck is everyone in my area majoring in psych, sociology, and anthropology??


Also, I hate you, because I can't help but think that you are actually Nathan Drake irl.

Edit:

Wow. OKC ran out of Quick Matches for me. I think It's time to join Match.com or POF. Anyone have experience with those? I'm afraid of seeing my dad on POF.

I can assure you I am not Nate Drake lol.

Honestly, the overwhelming positive response so far from OKC has caught me off guard. I'm nothing special, so I could just be getting some initial positive views but it'll fall off soon. Only been on the site a week and only signed up for it to boost my confidence and basically make use of it as a social experiment.

 

[FO-totality]

Went to a large open-air beer garden/concert thing tonight. Noticed three things about myself:

1. I am basically blind at ready in hints. If I girl was showing "signs" at all, I won't notice them for shit.
2. I'm super fucking awkward.
3. I don't like going to these things solo, but I don't have people to go with right now.

I wish I wasn't so fucking introverted and quiet all the time. Semi-pissed at myself, just wanna either curl up and go to sleep or punch something.

/endrantfrustationsandbullshit

 

[~Kinggi~]

Went to a large open-air beer garden/concert thing tonight. Noticed two things about myself:

1. I am basically blind at ready in hints. If I girl was showing "signs" at all, I won't notice them for shit.
2. I'm super fucking awkward.
3. I don't like going to these things solo, but I don't have people to go with right now.

I wish I wasn't so fucking introverted and quiet all the time. Semi-pissed at myself, just wanna either curl up and go to sleep or punch something.

/endrantfrustationsandbullshit

Yeah i am same way.

 

[LProtag]

Went to a large open-air beer garden/concert thing tonight. Noticed two things about myself:

1. I am basically blind at ready in hints. If I girl was showing "signs" at all, I won't notice them for shit.
2. I'm super fucking awkward.
3. I don't like going to these things solo, but I don't have people to go with right now.

I wish I wasn't so fucking introverted and quiet all the time. Semi-pissed at myself, just wanna either curl up and go to sleep or punch something.

/endrantfrustationsandbullshit

At least you went out dude. I really need to get out more. You can only start getting better at being social by actually going out.

 

[~Kinggi~]

At least you went out dude. I really need to get out more. You can only start getting better at being social by actually going out.

Actually i have found being brave and going out and not being met with positive results has detrimental impacts on you.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Actually i have found being brave and going out and not being met with positive results has detrimental impacts on you.

He's right you know. If you do something wrong a bunch of times you might as well not be doing it at all.

 

[Cubsfan23]

He's right you know. If you do something wrong a bunch of times you might as well not be doing it at all.

good thing you didn't have this mindset when you learned how to walk.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Holy shit Gaf... maybe I'm destined to be alone.

I'm dating the most amazing girl I've ever been with and I think our relationship is amazing. It's crazy how women forget all the things you do for them, and all the feelings you have expressed to them, as soon as they are not happy about something.

We live about 10 mins away from each other, and we hung out today for maybe 2 hours. Brought her dinner, gave her some of the good stuff until her roommate got home. We weren't doing anything and I have many books at home that I want to read, so of course me wanting to go home means that I never want to spend time with her, that we are on a different page, etc etc.

Of course this happened before on Sunday when after waking up together and going to the pool until around 4pm, I want to go home and sleep. Once again, it meant that I did not want to spend time with her.

Has anybody overcome this, or is something inherently wrong with me?

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

good thing you didn't have this mindset when you learned how to walk.

I'm just saying if you go out and shoot a ball around every day but your form is completely off then you really aren't getting better.

 

[LProtag]

Holy shit Gaf... maybe I'm destined to be alone.

I'm dating the most amazing girl I've ever been with and I think our relationship is amazing. It's crazy how women forget all the things you do for them, and all the feelings you have expressed to them, as soon as they are not happy about something.

We live about 10 mins away from each other, and we hung out today for maybe 2 hours. Brought her dinner, gave her some of the good stuff until her roommate got home. We weren't doing anything and I have many books at home that I want to read, so of course me wanting to go home means that I never want to spend time with her, that we are on a different page, etc etc.

Of course this happened before on Sunday when after waking up together and going to the pool until around 4pm, I want to go home and sleep. Once again, it meant that I did not want to spend time with her.

Has anybody overcome this, or is something inherently wrong with me?

Some girls want to spend a lot of time together. People need different amounts of space, this was kinda an issue in my last relationship. I had to talk to her about the fact that I need alone time to recharge and can't constantly be hanging out with her during all of my free time.

If her levels of space are different from yours and she just can't understand, that's a big problem to overcome.

 

[Unicorn]

Holy shit Gaf... maybe I'm destined to be alone.

I'm dating the most amazing girl I've ever been with and I think our relationship is amazing. It's crazy how women forget all the things you do for them, and all the feelings you have expressed to them, as soon as they are not happy about something.

We live about 10 mins away from each other, and we hung out today for maybe 2 hours. Brought her dinner, gave her some of the good stuff until her roommate got home. We weren't doing anything and I have many books at home that I want to read, so of course me wanting to go home means that I never want to spend time with her, that we are on a different page, etc etc.

Of course this happened before on Sunday when after waking up together and going to the pool until around 4pm, I want to go home and sleep. Once again, it meant that I did not want to spend time with her.

Has anybody overcome this, or is something inherently wrong with me?

Explain this to her. Keep communication open. Rationalize your time delegation, as in She has been getting AT LEAST 50% of your time, but you do still have things you have to take care of personally or do solo, friends to share time with as well, etc.

 

[FO-totality]

At least you went out dude. I really need to get out more. You can only start getting better at being social by actually going out.

I just felt uncomfortable as hell. I don't know if really did me any good other than pointing out my gaping flaws.

 

[Unicorn]

About to go out with my female friend I haven't seen since before my ex and I started dating. Catching up at the bar will be delightful and perhaps I'll be able to meet some new people too.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Have my date tonight in a few hours.

Having trouble getting myself psyched up for it. Not sure whether or not it's because we've already hooked up (so I know that's in the bag), or the fact that my date works for the FBI, so she probably knows everything about me already, including my NeoGAF account... and this post.

Will post later. Wish me luck, guys!

Nice. Authority is sexy.

But... I'm not being sexist, sexy FBI lady. Just complimentary. Please don't read this.

 

[Pollux]

perfect recipe for success make out with the ted ute chick at the bar. fuck yes. jen .. from new hampshire. i'm going to bed.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

perfect recipe for success make out with the ted ute chick at the bar. fuck yes. jen .. from new hampshire. i'm going to bed.

Are you drunk?

 

[zethren]

perfect recipe for success make out with the ted ute chick at the bar. fuck yes. jen .. from new hampshire. i'm going to bed.

 

[ZombieFred]

perfect recipe for success make out with the ted ute chick at the bar. fuck yes. jen .. from new hampshire. i'm going to bed.

You clearly are drunk and just come on here to post this. Well done son, you've done good.

 

[Log4Girlz]

perfect recipe for success make out with the ted ute chick at the bar. fuck yes. jen .. from new hampshire. i'm going to bed.

Yu ar dunk.

 

[Darren870]

I struggle to make a presence when I'm out and about.

I've just got to learn to get over my approach anxiety, because damn were there a lot of hot girls out tonight!

I'm not bummed out by any means (I don't go out with any intentions), but it's just a bit frustrating.

But eh, you guys know this is what I struggle with.

Looking forward to meeting you during the London meetup dude! Maybe I can help a bit.

 

[jaxword]

What am I supposed to do to stand out then while still being me? I don't get that part.

I probably wouldn't mind hanging out with someone like me. I think if the right guy actually took the time to get to know me, he might like me. It takes me a long time to open up.

I think I can do all that fine online, but in person is where I fall flat. My biggest hang up I think is that I believe no guy I find attractive would want me looking at them or being around them, and of course trying to ask them out/flirt with them. They would either laugh at me or just not be happy that I approached them at all. If I could believe guys don't mind/like when someone ugly shows interest in them, I might be okay.

Here's the thing: You keep on saying all these negative things about yourself. You say one thing positive thing but immediately qualify it with something negative.

People can tell when you have low self-esteem. It's not an attractive trait. It radiates off you. Call it whatever you want, body language, aura, approachability, etc.

You've said you think you are a decent person. And you probably are. Most people are, generally.

But here's the thing: being decent isn't enough. Being a "good person" isn't enough.

I once asked you if you'd rather be LIKED or SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE. They are not the same thing. Being a good person will make you friends, but not sexual partners.

What do you have to offer that makes you BETTER than all those other "good people"?

 

[jaxword]

So haven't posted an update in a bit, but here goes:

The girl I've been talking to mostly, and who I've been seeing on a semifrequent basis since February, has fallen into an antisocial pattern. She's become a bit harder to get a hold of, though I just saw her two weeks ago (we live an hour or two away from each other, but have met up several times by now) and I'm going to see her again toward the end of the month, but I'm wondering if this whole social-antisocial cycle she says she sometimes goes through is going to eventually change or if I should be prepared to simply cut my losses and move on. I would rather not as she is a wonderful and fun girl, and I'm happy to give her space, but you know ... I guess I worry that I don't matter anymore.

There's also a second one from OKC I've been chatting with. Big time into photography and the arts, writing, and such, is nice. She seems nice enough ... but I checked out some of her question responses, and she seems to be totally against being around anyone who has any sort of geeky hobbies, becuase they're all flat-out "No" responses. It's odd because I am a bit up front of my more geeky hobbies on my profile, but I'm not sure if I should just see what happens or bail out, assuming if she finds out I'm a gamer and collector that she'll bail first.

She's no longer interested in you, dude.

Sorry.

Cut your losses before you become That Guy--worse than Friendzone, she doesn't even want your attention as a friend and you just come across as desperate.

Actually i have found being brave and going out and not being met with positive results has detrimental impacts on you.

He's right you know. If you do something wrong a bunch of times you might as well not be doing it at all.

You're both wrong.

You guys post on a gaming forum but can't grasp the idea that if the one tactic doesn't work, you have to try something completely new? M. Bison is laughing at you.



I know it sucks to get rejected. I get rejected ALL THE TIME. And it hurts and it burns into your brain and you feel like you "deserve" to be alone and sometimes you just want to die because it'd be easier than being that loser who is always alone.

But there's only one way out: keep trying new things.

There's no other solution. If one approach does not work, do the complete opposite.

 

[Darklord]

Sent emails to 20 different women on match.com yesterday and nobody has answered and the day before I sent 10 and so on. Why can't they just simply say "No I'm not interested in you". When they say that they are honest about things it sounds to me like it's all bullshit :/

I thought the same thing when I first started online dating, you harden up and get over it. Try and make your messages more creative. Remember, they get a TON of them so going "Hey. How are you?" won't get you anywhere. Be funny, be a bit of a smartarse, it's ok to poke fun at them. And always ask a question relating to their profile.

 

[Minamu]

But there's only one way out: keep trying new things.

There's no other solution. If one approach does not work, do the complete opposite.

This so much. There are so many sweet success stories in here lately that one can't help but feel that it isn't an impossible feat.

 

[Pollux]

So yes I was drunk when I posted that. Basically after I got blown off by the girl I thought was into me, me and a buddy went out to this bar/club thing. Bar downstairs and a club upstairs. They had these awesome shot concoctions in test tubes and I had about 8 of those and a few beers. The shots and Bud Lights were only a dollar. Good fucking deal.

Anyway my buddy is a loser and refuses to just go dance with a chick without talking to her. So he ended up leaving after an hour or so, and at that point "erebody in da club was getting tipsy" so I ended up staying and got another couple rounds of shots with the girls from the next table over.

After that I went up to the club portion of the place and there was a group of girls dancing together. There was this one girl, blonde, who I thought was pretty cute. So "Call Me Maybe" comes on, chicks fucking love this song it's unbelievable, and I get up behind her put my hands on her waist and say "do you mind?" (not my best "pickup" line but it worked and I was hammered).

We start dancing and after about 15-20 minutes she turns around and we're still dancing when we start making out. Do that for a few minutes then continue on the side of the dance floor. Her friends end up coming over and she ends up going off with them. I figured it was late and I was drunk so I came home.

Then I ended up posting on GAF apparently. Don't remember that, but since I did and that post made no sense I thought I would elaborate.

 

[ianp622]

You're both wrong.

You guys post on a gaming forum but can't grasp the idea that if the one tactic doesn't work, you have to try something completely new? M. Bison is laughing at you.



I know it sucks to get rejected. I get rejected ALL THE TIME. And it hurts and it burns into your brain and you feel like you "deserve" to be alone and sometimes you just want to die because it'd be easier than being that loser who is always alone.

But there's only one way out: keep trying new things.

There's no other solution. If one approach does not work, do the complete opposite.

It's not that they're wrong, it's that they look at failures as "There is something wrong with me", rather than how they should look at it, which is "I made a mistake". If you take social failures as indicative of unchangeable personal shortcomings rather than something that gets better with practice, failing at social situations will reinforce your conception of yourself as an awkward, unlovable person rather than giving you motivation when you see how less awkward you become with each experience.

 

[ZombieFred]

So yes I was drunk when I posted that. Basically after I got blown off by the girl I thought was into me, me and a buddy went out to this bar/club thing. Bar downstairs and a club upstairs. They had these awesome shot concoctions in test tubes and I had about 8 of those and a few beers. The shots and Bud Lights were only a dollar. Good fucking deal.

Anyway my buddy is a loser and refuses to just go dance with a chick without talking to her. So he ended up leaving after an hour or so, and at that point "erebody in da club was getting tipsy" so I ended up staying and got another couple rounds of shots with the girls from the next table over.

After that I went up to the club portion of the place and there was a group of girls dancing together. There was this one girl, blonde, who I thought was pretty cute. So "Call Me Maybe" comes on, chicks fucking love this song it's unbelievable, and I get up behind her put my hands on her waist and say "do you mind?" (not my best "pickup" line but it worked and I was hammered).

We start dancing and after about 15-20 minutes she turns around and we're still dancing when we start making out. Do that for a few minutes then continue on the side of the dance floor. Her friends end up coming over and she ends up going off with them. I figured it was late and I was drunk so I came home.

Then I ended up posting on GAF apparently. Don't remember that, but since I did and that post made no sense I thought I would elaborate.

I bet you felt good after that. Just think that there will be plenty of similar moments, and then some, when you keep at it. Well done!

 

[Booya]

So yes I was drunk when I posted that. Basically after I got blown off by the girl I thought was into me, me and a buddy went out to this bar/club thing. Bar downstairs and a club upstairs. They had these awesome shot concoctions in test tubes and I had about 8 of those and a few beers. The shots and Bud Lights were only a dollar. Good fucking deal.

Anyway my buddy is a loser and refuses to just go dance with a chick without talking to her. So he ended up leaving after an hour or so, and at that point "erebody in da club was getting tipsy" so I ended up staying and got another couple rounds of shots with the girls from the next table over.

After that I went up to the club portion of the place and there was a group of girls dancing together. There was this one girl, blonde, who I thought was pretty cute. So "Call Me Maybe" comes on, chicks fucking love this song it's unbelievable, and I get up behind her put my hands on her waist and say "do you mind?" (not my best "pickup" line but it worked and I was hammered).

We start dancing and after about 15-20 minutes she turns around and we're still dancing when we start making out. Do that for a few minutes then continue on the side of the dance floor. Her friends end up coming over and she ends up going off with them. I figured it was late and I was drunk so I came home.

Then I ended up posting on GAF apparently. Don't remember that, but since I did and that post made no sense I thought I would elaborate.

Nice work, bro!
keep it up and it will happen again and again and again.

 

[Sarye]

I thought the same thing when I first started online dating, you harden up and get over it. Try and make your messages more creative. Remember, they get a TON of them so going "Hey. How are you?" won't get you anywhere. Be funny, be a bit of a smartarse, it's ok to poke fun at them. And always ask a question relating to their profile.

I had a different experience. My long customized messages get ignored and my short one liners of just, "Hi! How are you?" gets the most replies.

My suggestion for anyone sending messages is to understand that women on average get a LOT of messages. Imagine that your inbox is full of hundreds of unread email. You see a few emails that are short and sweet and one really long one. Which do you read first? Which do you ignore to be read at a different time (until you ultimately forget?)

Keep the first message short. Don't invest too much time on it. You're going to drive yourself crazy. But you can still customize it to them if you'd like. A few sentences at most. In my experience, what you write initially doesn't matter as much (unless what you wrote is creepy of course).

Also understand that sometimes you aren't their type and no MATTER what you write will not make an ounce of difference. So don't lament on whether writing something different would have changed her mind. It probably would not have. Sometimes you guys just are not compatible.

 

[Darklord]

I had a different experience. My long customized messages get ignored and my short one liners of just, "Hi! How are you?" gets the most replies.

My suggestion for anyone sending messages is to understand that women on average get a LOT of messages. Imagine that your inbox is full of hundreds of unread email. You see a few emails that are short and sweet and one really long one. Which do you read first? Which do you ignore to be read at a different time (until you ultimately forget?)

Keep the first message short. Don't invest too much time on it. You're going to drive yourself crazy. But you can still customize it to them if you'd like. A few sentences at most. In my experience, what you write initially doesn't matter as much (unless what you wrote is creepy of course).

Also understand that sometimes you aren't their type and no MATTER what you write will not make an ounce of difference. So don't lament on whether writing something different would have changed her mind. It probably would not have. Sometimes you guys just are not compatible.

I don't mean long, I'm talking 3-4 sentences and a question.

 

[Minamu]

Just don't do this on OKC :S

NSFW:
http://i.imgur.com/b0F08.jpg

 

[jaxword]

It's not that they're wrong, it's that they look at failures as "There is something wrong with me", rather than how they should look at it, which is "I made a mistake". If you take social failures as indicative of unchangeable personal shortcomings rather than something that gets better with practice, failing at social situations will reinforce your conception of yourself as an awkward, unlovable person rather than giving you motivation when you see how less awkward you become with each experience.

Yes, so then when I said they were wrong, I meant they were wrong, because they keep trying the same thing and keep failing. So try something different, and keep trying something different, until it works.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Here's the thing: You keep on saying all these negative things about yourself. You say one thing positive thing but immediately qualify it with something negative.

People can tell when you have low self-esteem. It's not an attractive trait. It radiates off you. Call it whatever you want, body language, aura, approachability, etc.

You've said you think you are a decent person. And you probably are. Most people are, generally.

But here's the thing: being decent isn't enough. Being a "good person" isn't enough.

I once asked you if you'd rather be LIKED or SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE. They are not the same thing. Being a good person will make you friends, but not sexual partners.

What do you have to offer that makes you BETTER than all those other "good people"?

Branching this off from his initial comment: While the concept is simple as you make it out to be, the execution is super difficult. Sometimes a person has to put in an enormous amount of effort just to fix himself a little bit, and even then the change is not what many people would consider significant.

I'm in the same boat right now on the Good Human Being vs. Sexually Attractive spectrum. For whatever reason I can't generate a sexual vibe even when I do put on the doucher act (normally accidentally making one comment a girl dubs "sweet" and then I'm SOL).

A lot of times, confidence, self-motivation, plans to get ahead in life, and an easy-going attitude is not enough to be considered sexually attractive. Even if you've invested a huge effort into reinventing yourself to be a better overall person (get in shape, improve your mental/emotional health, plan for your career, etc), some folks just can't get the monkey off their back. Obviously there's something they can't notice about themselves--maybe their features are generally considered unattractive by girls, maybe they're a little different in the head (in how "book smart" people often are), maybe they're more mature than their current field and it goes unnoticed or considered weird, etc.

I don't believe in a silly concept like "destiny," but I do genuinely believe that some folks in this world are stuck with bad luck with women and there's nothing they can do to change it, other than just keep trying.

 

[jaxword]

Branching this off from his initial comment: While the concept is simple as you make it out to be, the execution is super difficult. Sometimes a person has to put in an enormous amount of effort just to fix himself a little bit, and even then the change is not what many people would consider significant.

I'm in the same boat right now on the Good Human Being vs. Sexually Attractive spectrum. For whatever reason I can't generate a sexual vibe even when I do put on the doucher act (normally accidentally making one comment a girl dubs "sweet" and then I'm SOL).

A lot of times, confidence, self-motivation, plans to get ahead in life, and an easy-going attitude is not enough to be considered sexually attractive. Even if you've invested a huge effort into reinventing yourself to be a better overall person (get in shape, improve your mental/emotional health, plan for your career, etc), some folks just can't get the monkey off their back.

I don't believe in a silly concept like "destiny," but I do genuinely believe that some folks in this world are stuck with bad luck with women and there's nothing they can do to change it, other than just keep trying.

I get friendzoned ALL THE TIME whenever I was "nice."

Being a good person just isn't sexy. It's boring. It's safe. It's GOOD, but it doesn't turn anyone on. Name me one girl who has EVER honestly said her sexual fantasy is "A nice guy."

So, in realizing that, that's why I give the advice I do. You HAVE to improve yourself. You HAVE to be better. You HAVE to find reasons to make people like you.

I have severe handicaps of my own. I'm not naturally attractive. I'm not rich. I'm not even that smart.

That's just "bad luck" and I accept that as my reality. But I'm never going to stop trying to be better and trying to date. And that's why I tell others the same advice, because only they can fix yourself. The girl almond I'm talking to? I'm not giving her any advice that's any different than if she were a "nice guy" who can't get a girlfriend.

DON'T BE A NICE PERSON. BE BETTER.

 

[ianp622]

I get friendzoned ALL THE TIME whenever I was "nice."

Being a good person just isn't sexy. It's boring. It's safe. It's GOOD, but it doesn't turn anyone on. Name me one girl who has EVER honestly said her sexual fantasy is "A nice guy."

So, in realizing that, that's why I give the advice I do. You HAVE to improve yourself. You HAVE to be better. You HAVE to find reasons to make people like you.

I have severe handicaps of my own. I'm not naturally attractive. I'm not rich. I'm not even that smart.

That's just "bad luck" and I accept that as my reality. But I'm never going to stop trying to be better and trying to date. And that's why I tell others the same advice, because only they can fix yourself. The girl almond I'm talking to? I'm not giving her any advice that's any different than if she were a "nice guy" who can't get a girlfriend.

DON'T BE A NICE PERSON. BE BETTER.

You're oversimplifying. You can be a nice, good person, but there's a difference between being nice because you want something from someone (which is really the whole friendzone problem in a nutshell), and being nice because you're confident with who you are and your life is so well put-together that you can afford to be generous. The former comes off as pitiful and the latter can be very attractive to the right people.

 

[jaxword]

You're oversimplifying. You can be a nice, good person, but there's a difference between being nice because you want something from someone (which is really the whole friendzone problem in a nutshell), and being nice because you're confident with who you are and your life is so well put-together that you can afford to be generous. The former comes off as pitiful and the latter can be very attractive to the right people.

While you are correct, I am tailoring the conversation towards the people here, who have expressed that they are NOT that happy with who they are nor have they got their lives put together.

That's why I keep saying, over and over, you have to improve YOURSELF before you start thinking about attracting others.

 

[ianp622]

Sure, I completely agree with improving yourself first. When you've done that, much of the advice in this thread will be redundant. But I just want to make sure people don't read your post and think that they should become jerks.

 

[low-G]

I think there might be a partial solution to being 'nice' in suffering this non-sense for long enough and eventually you'll become a bitter asshole and all the girls will go crazy for you.

(only 1/4th joking)

But it is a really important point that you need to 'be better'. I know a lot of the girls I'm not interested in don't make an effort to 'be better' either. I know that most of the guys that are having success usually do have some fairly unique and showable skills.

There's a lot of things I potentially can and will do. I think fitness is an excellent way to directly increase sexiness. But you can also consider artistic skills (musical, cooking, writing, and so on). Also, making shit tons of money is a winner too.

So basically there's lots of ways to give yourself some value that puts you into the 'clearly better' category. You won't ever be better than all men, but you don't have to go there.

P.S. and you're never done improving yourself. Both guys and girls who do that are bound to get cast aside. Make a fucking effort. Eventually you'll even be proud of yourself for doing so.

 

[jaxword]

Sure, I completely agree with improving yourself first. When you've done that, much of the advice in this thread will be redundant. But I just want to make sure people don't read your post and think that they should become jerks.

While I understand your sentiment, and I do agree there shouldn't be a need for jerks...I'll admit that sometimes, sometimes....I feel like that really is the answer. I know how cliche it sounds, but the OVERWHELMING evidence that being a jerk is NOT a detrimental factor for female attraction can only be ignored for so long. Yes, of course, that "jerk" attitude is a part of a bigger package of confidence and authority (Sort of like how us guys will date a supermodel if she's a complete shrew) that turns girls on.

I can't let myself be a jerk because, well, that's wrong, but damn if I can't feel a voice saying "Just do it, you have to do it, just...let go of your morals."

Of course I can't say this in real life, either, because Guys are not allowed to complain and whine.

 

[Pollux]

While I understand your sentiment, and I do agree there shouldn't be a need for jerks...I'll admit that sometimes, sometimes....I feel like that really is the answer. I know how cliche it sounds, but the OVERWHELMING evidence that being a jerk is NOT a detrimental factor for female attraction can only be ignored for so long. Yes, of course, that "jerk" attitude is a part of a bigger package of confidence and authority (Sort of like how us guys will date a supermodel if she's a complete shrew) that turns girls on.

I can't let myself be a jerk because, well, that's wrong, but damn if I can't feel a voice saying "Just do it, you have to do it, just...let go of your morals."

Of course I can't say this in real life, either, because Guys are not allowed to complain and whine.

Depressing ain't it.