Support NeoGAF

[LProtag]

Man, I'm kinda bummed out this last few days.

My ex was texting me again, which was fine because we ended on good terms, I just didn't want to talk to her again so close to ending our relationship. It was just kinda awkward.

This girl I was messaging with and was getting back to me quickly and I was actually really into hasn't responded for 3 days despite being online a lot. Kinda sucks that our conversation just randomly stopped. I must have said something weird or off-putting?

 

[FairyD]

Yeah that's the strangest part. Where conversations just stop out out of the blue. Usually I just wait a week and then respond back with another message and then leave it at that.

 

[LProtag]

It's happened to me before but just with small talk that wasn't getting anywhere. With this we were sending pretty long messages and actually talking about a bunch of different things.

Oh well.

 

[Unicorn]

It's happened to me before but just with small talk that wasn't getting anywhere. With this we were sending pretty long messages and actually talking about a bunch of different things.

Oh well.

Same kind of situation for me too.

fukken womins

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

This girl I was messaging with and was getting back to me quickly and I was actually really into hasn't responded for 3 days despite being online a lot. Kinda sucks that our conversation just randomly stopped. I must have said something weird or off-putting?

Or you didn't ask her out? Texts are for making quick jokes and setting up real life meets for conversations. Women generally like men that take charge on this.

 

[NateDrake]

Or you didn't ask her out? Texts are for making quick jokes and setting up real life meets for conversations. Women generally like men that take charge on this.

He wasn't texting though. Just sending messages to each other through the site.

As for LeadProtag, I know the horror of dealing with an ex -- even on good terms. Every time I find a new girl worth dating, I'll get a random text from my ex and it totally screws with my mind.

 

[LProtag]

Or you didn't ask her out? Texts are for making quick jokes and setting up real life meets for conversations. Women generally like men that take charge on this.

I dunno, we were sending messages back and forth over OKC over the course of one night. She didn't seem like the person who would require me to ask her to meet right away, I was enjoying getting to know a little about her.

Meh. I think I've got to do some stuff to make myself feel happy right now. Getting a gym membership tomorrow and still trying to figure out how to get some money to buy a bike. Hopefully I'll feel a bit better about myself if I can get more physical activity in my life.

 

[Seguin]

I'm not sure if this really belongs here, but not sure where else to ask because it's more of a relationship issue, but anyway...


Me and my girlfriend dated throughout college, and lived together for 3 years. During that time we split all the utilities and rent down the middle, and it went fine except for a few months where she came up short and I was stuck paying for everything. I graduated last May and moved back home with my parents, and she graduated this January and moved back with her parents. It took me awhile to get my career going, but I finally found good work in January. She's currently working 15 hours/week at minimum wage, and doesn't seem to be trying hard to change things.

So we're getting another place together in August, and I can't help but feel like I'm being selfish because I don't want to pay all the bills. I'm going to be stuck paying for all the food, rent, utilities, and toiletries. Fortunately I can afford all these things, but it leaves little wiggle room at the end of the month in terms of how much I can put away, and spend on extraneous purchases. It's extremely bothering to me how complacent she is about looking for a decent, non retail job, and I can't help but feel like a jerk for being this way.

Do you guys have any tips for kicking her in the ass to find a damn job? The key problem is I don't think she really has any idea what she wants to do - she's the type that went to college because that's "what you're supposed to do", and got an English degree without a clue what to do with it. She's lucky that her parents gave her a car, pay for her cell phone and insurance, and she has minimal student loans so her monthly bills are far lower then mine by about $900

 

[pgtl_10]

Questions:

There is a girl who I told my feelings to but then I made a mistake about telling her that I couldn't get into another woman because my heart wanted her.

The day later she still talked to me and was willing to engage in conversation but not as playful as before the incident. She still however was willing to hang out with me this coming weekend.

Boy I was dumb in telling her about the other woman.

Is it safe to say that I can only be friends with her and I have no chance of it developing something more?

 

[MTE]

Hi guys.

Just thought I'd post, and add something positive to the thread. It's been ages since I've posted, and I've just been keeping up with the thread again the last few weeks.

I went out with a girl recently, in what I'd describe as my first relationship, even though it wasn't "official". We went out for maybe 8 weeks total, with a 2 week break near the beginning. I fell pretty hard for her. When she broke it off it wasn't cleanly. She "needed space" (I don't believe she's dating anyone else) and wanted to stay in touch. She didn't want me to wait for her, but I ended up having this frame of mind, as I was too involved.

But the last week or two I've been getting back out there, and flirting with people. I've started looking online again, and one of those "waves" has hit.
I got contacted by someone I'd chatted with on OKC a while ago, that had just disappeared. I got her number, and two others in the last 4-5 days.
I've met with one girl, on Friday last week. It went well enough for a meet, as opposed to a date. And we should be going on that date this week.
and girl number three I was chatting to over the weekend, and I called her last night. She seems excited, and we're meeting over lunch today.

The getting back out there, and especially the actual meet on Friday has really helped with some perspective on the girl I was seeing. It made me realise there's, to use the cliché, plenty of fish in the sea.

Feels good, man.

 

[Tess3ract]

>10:41:20 PM
>I think you have to be crazy to think im pretty
10:41:37 PM
lol
10:42:12 PM
Are you saying I shouldn't think you're pretty, or you can't believe I would think you're pretty
10:43:58 PM
brb a sec
>10:44:16 PM
>Both lol
xxx has gone offline.


Indented is her. What am I supposed to take from this? Obviously I was trying to gauge if she was really interested in me but she thinks she's too fat and not pretty, and I think she's gorgeous and wonderful and we seem to click very well.

 

[Izick]

So answer me this, date-gaf, if someone was physically fit, and nobody was attracted to them, if they became not-physically fit, or just less fit, what fucking chance in hell do they have? Like ever?

I had some kind of injury (I think) like two months ago now, and I haven't been to the gym at all, besides like a week a month ago. I'm waiting to see what's wrong with me, hopefully it's nothing completely terrible, but I'm guessing it is, but in the mean time, I've just come to the realization that, if I'm not even able to perform in the gym like I used to, how or why the fuck would somebody ever find me attractive? It's all bullshit. There's not fucking point. I'm sorry, I'm half-rambling, I just wanted to get this out there. It just feels like if I ever had some fucking semblance of an ember of being attractive in some way, it's been completely stricken out and ground into the dirt, forever gone. Fuck. What's the fucking point?

 

[grumble]

>10:41:20 PM
>I think you have to be crazy to think im pretty
10:41:37 PM
lol
10:42:12 PM
Are you saying I shouldn't think you're pretty, or you can't believe I would think you're pretty
10:43:58 PM
brb a sec
>10:44:16 PM
>Both lol
xxx has gone offline.


Indented is her. What am I supposed to take from this? Obviously I was trying to gauge if she was really interested in me but she thinks she's too fat and not pretty, and I think she's gorgeous and wonderful and we seem to click very well.

Some girls are very insecure about their appearances, so she may not think she's as good looking as you do.

Often they're just fishing for compliments though; give them out in a somewhat slower trickle than they're demanding and they'll be happy.

 

[DY_nasty]

>10:41:20 PM
>I think you have to be crazy to think im pretty
10:41:37 PM
lol
10:42:12 PM
Are you saying I shouldn't think you're pretty, or you can't believe I would think you're pretty
10:43:58 PM
brb a sec
>10:44:16 PM
>Both lol
xxx has gone offline.


Indented is her. What am I supposed to take from this? Obviously I was trying to gauge if she was really interested in me but she thinks she's too fat and not pretty, and I think she's gorgeous and wonderful and we seem to click very well.

tell her she's pretty and stop trying to read her mind.

everything else will work itself out

"i think you're pretty - it doesn't matter what you think."

 

[Tess3ract]

I've told her that before that I know you won't believe me and you don't have to, but I think you're gorgeous.

 

[Unicorn]

I'm not sure if this really belongs here, but not sure where else to ask because it's more of a relationship issue, but anyway...


Me and my girlfriend dated throughout college, and lived together for 3 years. During that time we split all the utilities and rent down the middle, and it went fine except for a few months where she came up short and I was stuck paying for everything. I graduated last May and moved back home with my parents, and she graduated this January and moved back with her parents. It took me awhile to get my career going, but I finally found good work in January. She's currently working 15 hours/week at minimum wage, and doesn't seem to be trying hard to change things.

So we're getting another place together in August, and I can't help but feel like I'm being selfish because I don't want to pay all the bills. I'm going to be stuck paying for all the food, rent, utilities, and toiletries. Fortunately I can afford all these things, but it leaves little wiggle room at the end of the month in terms of how much I can put away, and spend on extraneous purchases. It's extremely bothering to me how complacent she is about looking for a decent, non retail job, and I can't help but feel like a jerk for being this way.

Do you guys have any tips for kicking her in the ass to find a damn job? The key problem is I don't think she really has any idea what she wants to do - she's the type that went to college because that's "what you're supposed to do", and got an English degree without a clue what to do with it. She's lucky that her parents gave her a car, pay for her cell phone and insurance, and she has minimal student loans so her monthly bills are far lower then mine by about $900

This is a problem. I honestly have no idea how to properly handle it, but I know I've feared a similar situation before.

All I can say, is don't let her take advantage of you or walk all over you. You should demonstrate value, but not at the expense of your integrity and self worth.

 

[Sanky Panky]

So answer me this, date-gaf, if someone was physically fit, and nobody was attracted to them, if they became not-physically fit, or just less fit, what fucking chance in hell do they have? Like ever?

I had some kind of injury (I think) like two months ago now, and I haven't been to the gym at all, besides like a week a month ago. I'm waiting to see what's wrong with me, hopefully it's nothing completely terrible, but I'm guessing it is, but in the mean time, I've just come to the realization that, if I'm not even able to perform in the gym like I used to, how or why the fuck would somebody ever find me attractive? It's all bullshit. There's not fucking point. I'm sorry, I'm half-rambling, I just wanted to get this out there. It just feels like if I ever had some fucking semblance of an ember of being attractive in some way, it's been completely stricken out and ground into the dirt, forever gone. Fuck. What's the fucking point?

Snap out of it. There are fat dudes that are rolling in pussy out there, because it is ALL about personality. Even with muscles you were not attracting what you wanted is because all this time you have focused on the wrong thing.

Getting fit should have boosted your confidence enough to attract women, so now that confidence will have to come from *GASP* who you are, not your pecs.

 

[ianp622]

I've told her that before that I know you won't believe me and you don't have to, but I think you're gorgeous.

An even stronger compliment is telling a girl how she makes you feel rather than stating something about their appearance in a factual manner.

Like, "I'd gladly drown in the onyx eddies of your hair" or "Your limpid eyes make me shiver".

 

[Izick]

Snap out of it. There are fat dudes that are rolling in pussy out there, because it is ALL about personality. Even with muscles you were not attracting what you wanted is because all this time you have focused on the wrong thing.

Getting fit should have boosted your confidence enough to attract women, so now that confidence will have to come from *GASP* who you are, not your pecs.

It didn't though. I never really got more confident out of it; maybe in my physical abilities, and in the way I lived my life, but not when it came to meeting or attracting women. It's basically like if you had a low chance of doing something successfully, and now you've gone to complete 0, or almost near it.

I don't get it either. I've been told dozens, and dozens of times that I'm funny, and that I'm a great person (not trying to toot my horn, as this is the internet so we don't even know each other and bragging is pointless), but I've never seen woman look at me they look at other dudes or go out of their way to talk to me, or even show an interest from what I can tell in general. I will never have that. I think it's my face.

 

[Unicorn]

Yeah, everywhere I hear that women aren't attracted to men like men are attracted to women.

It is different online because the only personality that they can really see is what is presented in a single static frame of your profile picture.

My dad, who was pretty damn handsome in college, had a pretty gross, greasemonkey friend who would get all sorts of attractive girls simply by having a certain kind of persona, that my father described as borderline rude to them.

Some Cracked articles that are both humorous and pretty true:

http://www.cracked.com/article_18866_5-reasons-women-are-as-shallow-as-men-according-to-science.html

http://www.cracked.com/article/206_6-ways-you-can-accidentally-attract-ladies/

 

[Kipe]

So answer me this, date-gaf, if someone was physically fit, and nobody was attracted to them, if they became not-physically fit, or just less fit, what fucking chance in hell do they have? Like ever?

It sounds like being physically fit or not didn't matter, or wasn't the only factor in why that hypothetical person wasn't getting any interest from people.

I've told her that before that I know you won't believe me and you don't have to, but I think you're gorgeous.

You figure out a certain topic makes a girl, who you're interested in dating, uncomfortable so you continued talking about it? Does that make any sense to you?

 

[Izick]

It sounds like being physically fit or not didn't matter, or wasn't the only factor in why that hypothetical person wasn't getting any interest from people.

As I have said, facial-ugliness is likely the main hindrance in the situation.

 

[ianp622]

As I have said, facial-ugliness is likely the main hindrance in the situation.

GAF once called me ugly and suggested plastic surgery, but the girls I've dated have been in the 9-10 range. Facial attractiveness isn't a roadblock - it will prevent you from getting some girls, but for others, it won't really matter.

Think about this - how many people do you know of that are really confident, well-dressed, and well-mannered, yet you would consider ugly? The effect of personality on appearance is even stronger for women, so be thankful you're not on the other side.

 

[Sanky Panky]

I don't get it either. I've been told dozens, and dozens of times that I'm funny, and that I'm a great person (not trying to toot my horn, as this is the internet so we don't even know each other and bragging is pointless), but I've never seen woman look at me they look at other dudes or go out of their way to talk to me, or even show an interest from what I can tell in general. I will never have that. I think it's my face.

Being funny and nice is swell, but it has to be accompanied with a lack of fear of being direct with women. Lack of muscles was never the issue, so not working out will not affect your ability to get women.

Make a list of the great things you have to offer, and be confident in the fact that any girl would love to have a guy like that. Realize that you are a catch, so fuck any girl that is dumb enough not to see that. Busted guys go up to girls all the time, because they know they can get whomever they want. The more girls you get, the more you will feel this.

 

[Izick]

GAF once called me ugly and suggested plastic surgery, but the girls I've dated have been in the 9-10 range. Facial attractiveness isn't a roadblock - it will prevent you from getting some girls, but for others, it won't really matter.

Think about this - how many people do you know of that are really confident, well-dressed, and well-mannered, yet you would consider ugly? The effect of personality on appearance is even stronger for women, so be thankful you're not on the other side.

It has to be though. I'm not sure what can be the problem besides that. Like I said, I have a great personality, and have always had many, many friends, men and women, but no women that I'd find attractive (which would likely be high 7's and up for Gaf) have ever returned that kind of feeling besides a couple, or at least I don't think so. I just don't get it. I don't get why, and the only reason I can think of is because of how I look. It has to be it.

 

[Kipe]

Post some pics.

 

[Izick]

Being funny and nice is swell, but it has to be accompanied with a lack of fear of being direct with women. Lack of muscles was never the issue, so not working out will not affect your ability to get women.

Make a list of the great things you have to offer, and be confident in the fact that any girl would love to have a guy like that. Realize that you are a catch, so fuck any girl that is dumb enough not to see that. Busted guys go up to girls all the time, because they know they can get whomever they want. The more girls you get, the more you will feel this.

Like I said in reply to someone else, there must be something else wrong then, but I can't figure out what. I'm not sure how I could just start "getting girls" because you need to start somewhere, and I can't seem to find "somewhere." It feels like this problem that I can't ever find the solution to. It almost feels like a dream that an attractive girl would end up with me. It's fucking pathetic to say that, and I've never said that to anyone I've ever known, nor plan on doing so, but it's true.

As for the list:

-I'm really funny
-I have a lot of friends and am really social
-I am smart (socially smart and a little book smart; I think most people who are smart are dumb socially though; they don't know when to stop, or know what to say)
-I am somewhat fit (for now)
-I don't dress like an idiot (I where clothes that fit and look fine)

That's like all I have, not sure what else I can put on there. Nothing really all that exciting. I think a woman can find that in a lot of other men, and men that are handsome to boot. So I always think in reality, I have nothing special to offer.

 

[~Kinggi~]

So answer me this, date-gaf, if someone was physically fit, and nobody was attracted to them, if they became not-physically fit, or just less fit, what fucking chance in hell do they have? Like ever?

I had some kind of injury (I think) like two months ago now, and I haven't been to the gym at all, besides like a week a month ago. I'm waiting to see what's wrong with me, hopefully it's nothing completely terrible, but I'm guessing it is, but in the mean time, I've just come to the realization that, if I'm not even able to perform in the gym like I used to, how or why the fuck would somebody ever find me attractive? It's all bullshit. There's not fucking point. I'm sorry, I'm half-rambling, I just wanted to get this out there. It just feels like if I ever had some fucking semblance of an ember of being attractive in some way, it's been completely stricken out and ground into the dirt, forever gone. Fuck. What's the fucking point?

I've had this problem also. Not an injury, but for a long time a lot of my problems i thought came from the fact that i was overweight and ugly. Now 3 years later, and losing weight and getting some muscle-tone, dressing better etc I am surprised to find it has not changed my situation. Girls still arent attracted to me and it sucks major ass when you put a lot of hard work into your situation to realize its bullshit. I mean i make decent money, have my own place.

There is a genetic thing i don't have that women have a sixth sense to look for and they know it.

 

[Tess3ract]

You figure out a certain topic makes a girl, who you're interested in dating, uncomfortable so you continued talking about it? Does that make any sense to you?

it says a lot about her state of mind that believes deep down she's unattractive though.

 

[Izick]

I've had this problem also. Not an injury, but for a long time a lot of my problems i thought came from the fact that i was overweight and ugly. Now 3 years later, and losing weight and getting some muscle-tone, dressing better etc I am surprised to find it has not changed my situation. Girls still arent attracted to me and it sucks major ass when you put a lot of hard work into your situation to realize its bullshit. I mean i make decent money, have my own place.

There is a genetic thing i don't have that women have a sixth sense to look for and they know it.

Yes, I know what you mean. I like working out, but I've come to realize it hasn't helped me out, at least I don't think so. They may like the body, but that can't change the face. (That's my situation, not necessarily yours.)

 

[ianp622]

Like I said in reply to someone else, there must be something else wrong then, but I can't figure out what. I'm not sure how I could just start "getting girls" because you need to start somewhere, and I can't seem to find "somewhere." It feels like this problem that I can't ever find the solution to. It almost feels like a dream that an attractive girl would end up with me. It's fucking pathetic to say that, and I've never said that to anyone I've ever known, nor plan on doing so, but it's true.

As for the list:

-I'm really funny
-I have a lot of friends and am really social
-I am smart (socially smart and a little book smart; I think most people who are smart are dumb socially though; they don't know when to stop, or know what to say)
-I am somewhat fit (for now)
-I don't dress like an idiot (I where clothes that fit and look fine)

That's like all I have, not sure what else I can put on there. Nothing really all that exciting. I think a woman can find that in a lot of other men, and men that are handsome to boot. So I always think in reality, I have nothing special to offer.

I think it's the lack of stand-out qualities that is hurting you more, or perhaps the feeling that you're a lost cause because of your face, which is most likely hurting you more than your face itself.

My advice is to focus on making yourself a more interesting person, and completely forget about "getting girls" (which is a poor mindset to begin with) until after you've achieved that.

 

[masud]

Like I said in reply to someone else, there must be something else wrong then, but I can't figure out what. I'm not sure how I could just start "getting girls" because you need to start somewhere, and I can't seem to find "somewhere." It feels like this problem that I can't ever find the solution to. It almost feels like a dream that an attractive girl would end up with me. It's fucking pathetic to say that, and I've never said that to anyone I've ever known, nor plan on doing so, but it's true.

As for the list:

-I'm really funny
-I have a lot of friends and am really social
-I am smart (socially smart and a little book smart; I think most people who are smart are dumb socially though; they don't know when to stop, or know what to say)
-I am somewhat fit (for now)
-I don't dress like an idiot (I where clothes that fit and look fine)

That's like all I have, not sure what else I can put on there. Nothing really all that exciting. I think a woman can find that in a lot of other men, and men that are handsome to boot. So I always think in reality, I have nothing special to offer.

Are you actually getting rejected by multiple women or are you just sitting around wondering why they aren't comming to you. I'm a very attractive guy but if I don't actually persure women chances are Im not gonna get anywhere. I know this for a fact because I used have problems taking the initiative and I didn't have any success untill I got over those problems.

 

[Izick]

I think it's the lack of stand-out qualities that is hurting you more, or perhaps the feeling that you're a lost cause because of your face, which is most likely hurting you more than your face itself.

To give you an example, this is me (excuse the hair, it's better these days):
redacted[IMG]
My first date and almost relationship:
[IMG]redacted[IMG]
My second date, looking promising:
[IMG]recacted[IMG]

I didn't get permission for these but they were on OkCupid. I'll take them down in a bit but just wanted to support my argument :)

My advice is to focus on making yourself a more interesting person, and completely forget about "getting girls" (which is a poor mindset to begin with) until after you've become a more interesting person.[/QUOTE]

Eh, you're not really ugly though, besides your hair in that photo, but you've said you've already rectified that anyway.

What do you mean by lack of stand-out qualities or make myself more interesting? I'm not quite sure what I can even do to stand-out. Are you not initially attracted to someone due to their looks? Those two beautiful women you posted pics of are proof of that. People say that women aren't as interested in looks but I don't believe that.

Like I said, I feel like I have a great personality. I've always been told I was funny by people, I've always been invited to parties and people like when I arrive, I don't know what I can change or do. That's not to say I'm anything fucking near perfect, but I don't know what it would change, or how I could make positive changes towards it.

[quote="masud, post: 39212548"]Are you actually getting rejected by multiple women or are you just sitting around wondering why they aren't comming to you. I'm a very attractive guy but if I don't actually persure women chances are Im not gonna get anywhere. I know this for a fact because I used have problems taking the initiative and I didn't have any success untill I got over those problems.[/QUOTE]

I guess it's technically the latter, but I'm no idiot...well, okay, I probably am an idiot, but I think I can tell when a woman is attracted, or anywhere near it.

 

[Kipe]

Like I said in reply to someone else, there must be something else wrong then, but I can't figure out what. I'm not sure how I could just start "getting girls" because you need to start somewhere, and I can't seem to find "somewhere." It feels like this problem that I can't ever find the solution to. It almost feels like a dream that an attractive girl would end up with me. It's fucking pathetic to say that, and I've never said that to anyone I've ever known, nor plan on doing so, but it's true.

As for the list:

-I'm really funny
-I have a lot of friends and am really social
-I am smart (socially smart and a little book smart; I think most people who are smart are dumb socially though; they don't know when to stop, or know what to say)
-I am somewhat fit (for now)
-I don't dress like an idiot (I where clothes that fit and look fine)

That's like all I have, not sure what else I can put on there. Nothing really all that exciting. I think a woman can find that in a lot of other men, and men that are handsome to boot. So I always think in reality, I have nothing special to offer.

Answer these questions:

How old are you?

How many people have you asked out in the past three months?

When you hang out with your friends what do they usually do and is it mostly guys doing guy stuff?

Have you tried using OkCupid?

 

[ianp622]

Eh, you're not really ugly though, besides your hair in that photo, but you've said you've already rectified that anyway.

What do you mean by lack of stand-out qualities or make myself more interesting? I'm not quite sure what I can even do to stand-out. Are you not initially attracted to someone due to their looks? Those two beautiful women you posted pics of are proof of that. People say that women aren't as interested in looks but I don't believe that.

Like I said, I feel like I have a great personality. I've always been told I was funny by people, I've always been invited to parties and people like when I arrive, I don't know what I can change or do. That's not to say I'm anything fucking near perfect, but I don't know what it would change, or how I could make positive changes towards it.

I am, but looks aren't really enough for me. I was/am really attracted to these girls also because of how they express themselves through writing. When I get an emotional connection to someone, the physical features are less important. It's almost like the emotional connection gives them a vibrancy and attractiveness that wasn't already there. I think girls are like that too, in some cases.

You should work on finding something that would make other people want to learn more about you. Something odd or interesting. If people like being around you, then maybe this isn't the problem. As masud asked, are you making the first move?

 

[Izick]

Answer these questions:

How old are you?

How many people have you asked out in the past three months?

When you hang out with your friends what do they usually do and is it mostly guys doing guy stuff?

Have you tried using OkCupid?

-Why is this important?

-0

Um, usually, we have girls hanging out with us, not always though. I'm not sure what "guy" stuff would be; swimming, just hanging out, etc. is the usual stuff, nothing too specific when it's just a few people and not a party.

I am, but looks aren't really enough for me. I was/am really attracted to these girls also because of how they express themselves through writing. When I get an emotional connection to someone, the physical features are less important. It's almost like the emotional connection gives them a vibrancy and attractiveness that wasn't already there. I think girls are like that too, in some cases.

You should work on finding something that would make other people want to learn more about you. Something odd or interesting. If people like being around you, then maybe this isn't the problem. As masud asked, are you making the first move?

No, I'm not making the first move.

I understand that you want to connect with them, but you were initially drawn to them due to their beauty, were you not? It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how the world works. We like pretty things more than non-pretty ones. That's just how we are made, it's what makes sense.

 

[blame space]

you guys ever realy give it to a girl? epic.

 

[masud]

I guess it's technically the latter, but I'm no idiot...well, okay, I probably am an idiot, but I think I can tell when a woman is attracted, or anywhere near it.

Just like lots of guys have have problems asking women out lots of women have problems signaling to a guy that they're interested, doesnt mean that they'll say no if you ask them out. You have to actually try before you can say that you've failed.

 

[ianp622]

No, I'm not making the first move.

I understand that you want to connect with them, but you were initially drawn to them due to their beauty, were you not? It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how the world works. We like pretty things more than non-pretty ones. That's just how we are made, it's what makes sense.

Well there's your problem.

The first girl I sent a long-winded and over-crafted message in response to her saying she "wanted a man that could make her think". I thought it was a lost cause, but I didn't have much to lose. To my surprise, she messaged me back wanting to set up a date within two hours of my sending the message.

The second girl messaged me first, after I visited her profile. I originally wasn't going to message her because she was a smoker and in some respects seemed like the type of person I shouldn't be in a relationship with. But she's sweet and we get along well so far.

I'm not ashamed of being attracted based on looks, but with both of these girls, I would have been fine with someone less attractive as well. It just so happened that the people with qualities I admire were attractive.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Just don't do this on OKC :S

NSFW:
http://i.imgur.com/b0F08.jpg

My date last night went really well, though I'm not sure how I feel about her.

She showed up wearing jean shorts and a see through top, which yeah, looked hot, but was practically a 10 on the trash scale. I was borderline concerned that the restaurant we were going to wasn't going to let her in. It was actually kind of embarrassing on my part. The date itself went great, but I knew it would. She's super easy to talk to, and we get along really well. We went back to her place afterwards and fooled around for the rest of the night.

She seems to have wayy bigger intentions than I do. She mentioned numerous times about "next time," and "meeting my friends," and other things that signal that she wants to pursue an actual relationship, which quite honestly, I don't think I can or want to handle right now. I'm realistically still not over my ex and while it was nice to go out again, I don't see myself pursuing an actual relationship with her.

So yeah, as of right now I'm kind of just planning on phasing it out. She doesn't seem like the type to take the initiative to meetup, so I'm pretty sure if I don't, then nothing will come of it. We'll see.

This is the FBI girl? I'd advise caution. She has a gun.

Honestly, I kinda find it hot that she's a fed, but in her downtime she wears trashy clothes. I don't even know what she looks like and I want her.

Easy for you to say you're handsome.

Ok, I gotta ask: When you were a child, were you hit in the face with a shovel or something? It cannot be that bad.

you guys ever realy give it to a girl? epic.

I wish.

 

[Izick]

Just like lots of guys have have problems asking women out lots of women have problems signaling to a guy that they're interested, doesnt mean that they'll say no if you ask them out. You have to actually try before you can say that you've failed.

All I'm saying is, if you get an impression of something your whole life, isn't it likely true? There's no way that I could be so blind to it. You can tell in the minutia of discussion. Like, for example, when texting, or Facebook, or whatever, if a woman (or probably a man too I'm guess) answers you shortly and to the point consistently, even if you're trying to add on more to it and create a conversation out of it, then they likely aren't interested in. This usually carries over into regular conversations as well, although it's not that simple. Wandering eyes, lack of interest, etc., it's all the same shit.

Well there's your problem.

The first girl I sent a long-winded and over-crafted message in response to her saying she "wanted a man that could make her think". I thought it was a lost cause, but I didn't have much to lose. To my surprise, she messaged me back wanting to set up a date within two hours of my sending the message.

The second girl messaged me first, after I visited her profile. I originally wasn't going to message her because she was a smoker and in some respects seemed like the type of person I shouldn't be in a relationship with. But she's sweet and we get along well so far.

I'm not ashamed of being attracted based on looks, but with both of these girls, I would have been fine with someone less attractive as well. It just so happened that the people with qualities I admire were attractive.

I suppose that's true, but it's a queer coincidence to say the least. You don't think sexual, physical attraction is at least a huge component when considering trying to further your relationship with a woman, or meet one?

I suppose that my not asking out women isn't technically helping, but like I said, I think I could pick up on something that they're putting out. I feel like I'm probably not even considered as someone that could be relationship worthy, or attractive to most women, just by the way they act.

(Also, I'm no misogynist, I just happen to only like women and am trying to explain my feelings. I'm sure all this stuff applies exactly the same in reverse for women.)

 

[bjb]

Hi guys.

Just thought I'd post, and add something positive to the thread. It's been ages since I've posted, and I've just been keeping up with the thread again the last few weeks.

I went out with a girl recently, in what I'd describe as my first relationship, even though it wasn't "official". We went out for maybe 8 weeks total, with a 2 week break near the beginning. I fell pretty hard for her. When she broke it off it wasn't cleanly. She "needed space" (I don't believe she's dating anyone else) and wanted to stay in touch. She didn't want me to wait for her, but I ended up having this frame of mind, as I was too involved.

But the last week or two I've been getting back out there, and flirting with people. I've started looking online again, and one of those "waves" has hit.
I got contacted by someone I'd chatted with on OKC a while ago, that had just disappeared. I got her number, and two others in the last 4-5 days.
I've met with one girl, on Friday last week. It went well enough for a meet, as opposed to a date. And we should be going on that date this week.
and girl number three I was chatting to over the weekend, and I called her last night. She seems excited, and we're meeting over lunch today.

The getting back out there, and especially the actual meet on Friday has really helped with some perspective on the girl I was seeing. It made me realise there's, to use the cliché, plenty of fish in the sea.

Feels good, man.

Good stuff. Best of luck to you on your next date.

I'm not sure if this really belongs here, but not sure where else to ask because it's more of a relationship issue, but anyway...


Me and my girlfriend dated throughout college, and lived together for 3 years. During that time we split all the utilities and rent down the middle, and it went fine except for a few months where she came up short and I was stuck paying for everything. I graduated last May and moved back home with my parents, and she graduated this January and moved back with her parents. It took me awhile to get my career going, but I finally found good work in January. She's currently working 15 hours/week at minimum wage, and doesn't seem to be trying hard to change things.

So we're getting another place together in August, and I can't help but feel like I'm being selfish because I don't want to pay all the bills. I'm going to be stuck paying for all the food, rent, utilities, and toiletries. Fortunately I can afford all these things, but it leaves little wiggle room at the end of the month in terms of how much I can put away, and spend on extraneous purchases. It's extremely bothering to me how complacent she is about looking for a decent, non retail job, and I can't help but feel like a jerk for being this way.

Do you guys have any tips for kicking her in the ass to find a damn job? The key problem is I don't think she really has any idea what she wants to do - she's the type that went to college because that's "what you're supposed to do", and got an English degree without a clue what to do with it. She's lucky that her parents gave her a car, pay for her cell phone and insurance, and she has minimal student loans so her monthly bills are far lower then mine by about $900

This is somewhat similar to what I encountered in my last relationship. My girlfriend simply didn't have any motivation. I exhausted myself trying to get her to go back to school, go to the gym, do something besides sitting around all day. She had a job, but like your girl's - it was nothing special (minimum wage).

In her case, depression likely played a major role. However, the fact that I was going upwards, and she was going backwards (or not moving at all) put a major strain on our relationship. At least for me. I kept thinking to myself, if she's really serious about us, then why not show me. Perhaps it was selfish, but it's something I thought about a lot. Not wanting to support two people for the rest of my life.

The one lesson I learned is that no matter what - you can not change people. Either they want to do it themselves or they don't. It's really that simple.

 

[ianp622]

All I'm saying is, if you get an impression of something your whole life, isn't it likely true? There's no way that I could be so blind to it. You can tell in the minutia of discussion. Like, for example, when texting, or Facebook, or whatever, if a woman (or probably a man too I'm guess) answers you shortly and to the point consistently, even if you're trying to add on more to it and create a conversation out of it, then they likely aren't interested in. This usually carries over into regular conversations as well, although it's not that simple. Wandering eyes, lack of interest, etc., it's all the same shit.

You sound like you just want us to reinforce your insecurity about your appearance so that you don't have to confront the fact that you usually need to be the one to make the first move.

If your friends enjoy being around you, but you really haven't met a single girl that seems interested in talking to you, it's more likely that you aren't asking enough about her. Most people love to talk about themselves to anybody.

I suppose that's true, but it's a queer coincidence to say the least. You don't think sexual, physical attraction is at least a huge component when considering trying to further your relationship with a woman, or meet one?

I suppose that my not asking out women isn't technically helping, but like I said, I think I could pick up on something that they're putting out. I feel like I'm probably not even considered as someone that could be relationship worthy, or attractive to most women, just by the way they act.

(Also, I'm no misogynist, I just happen to only like women and am trying to explain my feelings. I'm sure all this stuff applies exactly the same in reverse for women.)

No, I don't think it's a huge component. A component, but not something to concern yourself with. How tall are you? I'm 5'6", and height is actually more of a factor than facial appearance for most women.

Are you sure that you're really good at reading women? What signs do you look for to tell if a girl is interested in you?

 

[masud]

All I'm saying is, if you get an impression of something your whole life, isn't it likely true? There's no way that I could be so blind to it. You can tell in the minutia of discussion. Like, for example, when texting, or Facebook, or whatever, if a woman (or probably a man too I'm guess) answers you shortly and to the point consistently, even if you're trying to add on more to it and create a conversation out of it, then they likely aren't interested in. This usually carries over into regular conversations as well, although it's not that simple. Wandering eyes, lack of interest, etc., it's all the same shit.



I suppose that's true, but it's a queer coincidence to say the least. You don't think sexual, physical attraction is at least a huge component when considering trying to further your relationship with a woman, or meet one?

I suppose that my not asking out women isn't technically helping, but like I said, I think I could pick up on something that they're putting out. I feel like I'm probably not even considered as someone that could be relationship worthy, or attractive to most women, just by the way they act.

(Also, I'm no misogynist, I just happen to only like women and am trying to explain my feelings. I'm sure all this stuff applies exactly the same in reverse for women.)

Dude you're actively sabotaging yourself then wondering why you not hqving any succsess. Women can pick up on the mindset that you have almost immediately and get turned off by it, has nothing to do with how attractive you are (trust me on this I know first hand).

 

[Izick]

You sound like you just want us to reinforce your insecurity about your appearance so that you don't have to confront the fact that you usually need to be the one to make the first move.

If your friends enjoy being around you, but you really haven't met a single girl that seems interested in talking to you, it's more likely that you aren't asking enough about her. Most people love to talk about themselves to anybody.

No, I don't think it's a huge component. A component, but not something to concern yourself with. How tall are you? I'm 5'6", and height is actually more of a factor than facial appearance for most women.

Are you sure that you're really good at reading women? What signs do you look for to tell if a girl is interested in you?

I mean, girls are interested in talking with me, on a social level, but no more than that. There's no hint of attraction, or even possible future attraction, it's just basically as platonic as humanly possibly most of the time.

I'm 6, or 6'1", haven't measured myself in a while, but in that area. I've seen shorter guys do fine with women though.

I think I'm good at reading people. With women, you have the engagement when talking, you have the hair twirling, the gradual touching, connection of eyes, but not in that regular way, sometimes you can just tell it's different, and that smile...oh that smile. That smile when a girl looks at a guy and you can almost see sparks fly, I've seen it many times, never directed towards me, but I've witnessed it just as an observer of others. I love when they give that smile, it's almost like they are shooting a flare-gun off into the dude's face that spells out "HEY I LIKE YOU."

Little things like that are all signs that she like the guy. It's almost sickening to watch as an observer sometimes.

Dude you're actively sabotaging yourself then wondering why you not hqving any succsess. Women can pick up on the mindset that you have almost immediately and get turned off by it, has nothing to do with how attractive you are (trust me on this I know first hand).

I don't understand this. If I'm acting positive, and/or confident, how do they have any idea that I know I'm a schlub?

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

All this talk about appearance on this page really hits home. It's terrible.

On and to top it off people say I have a weird voice. Not sure what I can do about that.

 

[SS4Gogita]

I feel like I kinda failed tonight. I've been working on weight/appearance since about January and lately I've been going to the gym to shoot basketball, but tonight I was actually invited into a 5v5 game. One of the dudes who was playing (and was guarding me) had to stop for a while so this really cute girl came in and took his place. We talked for most of the game, and I'm fairly certain she was into me. She had to leave the game when the other dude came back in, but after the game there were a couple of opportunities to keep things going, but I was hesitant just because of the dude she was with. Obviously he could be either her boyfriend or just a friend accompanying her to the gym. Still, it was one of those "FUCK" moments in the car afterward. I really hope I can run into her again and get another chance.

 

[Izick]

All this talk about appearance on this page really hits home. It's terrible.

On and to top it off people say I have a weird voice. Not sure what I can do about that.

Terrible why?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

All this talk about appearance on this page really hits home. It's terrible.

On and to top it off people say I have a weird voice. Not sure what I can do about that.

Everyone's voice is weird when you think about it. I didn't know what I sounded like till I heard an answering machine that had my voice on it, and I didn't even recognize it cause it sounded so stupid.

Terrible why?

Not sure we'll ever know.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Terrible why?

Because I know the pain too well. The way you were talking about the way girls act towards guys they like and the look/smile they give. I've spent my entire life wanting that look, if only I could get it once.