Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Vermillion
Banned
You included Xun. Most of the people I've seen here are attractive. And for the official record, I wouldn't have said anything if you weren't. I'm not going to bullshit you about your looks.
Glorified G
Member
Quick question. Is that you in your avatar? Because if it is, between you & Kingi complaining about your looks you both deserve to be slapped upside your head.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
My problem appearance-wise isn't that I don't look good, its that I look like a decent-looking fifteen year old.
About the bolded...yes, stop doing this too. Why are you waiting weeks to meet in real life? Send a few messages, because you have to build some rapport, then ask them out.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Oh yeah, four or five messages culminating in "do you want to grab lunch sometime?" or something similar.
lol, I slap myself enough.
Anyway yeah everyone posting pics here are actually pretty good looking.
Vermillion
Banned
With or without the glasses?
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Good question, I've never thought about it. What do you suspect based on the tiny avatar pic?
I don't even know what the hell league i'm in. I tried messaging a few women who I thought had no reason ignoring me based on looks, and would at least chat with me, but nope--profile view and ignored. Maybe the way I see myself is completely wrong. Maybe i'm ugly as shit. Fat and ugly chicks seem to message me every once in a while, maybe i'm in their league... :\
Vermillion
Banned
Maybe with? I really can't quite tell.
No leagues, mate. And I would personally not go for the online dating thing - people are more likely to judge you on looks over approach.
At any rate, try a profile revamp. New picture, new description, etc. Maybe change the type of person you're messaging.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
You guys are reading too much into one picture. I get called ugly (among other things) all the time in person and I could count the number of close friends I have on one hand.
Shit man I couldn't care less how I look at the end of the day. It was always just a means to an end for me. I just want to be social but people my age seem to not want me around.
Just trying to take it one day at a time right now.
Shit man I couldn't care less how I look at the end of the day. It was always just a means to an end for me. I just want to be social but people my age seem to not want me around.
Just trying to take it one day at a time right now.
Vermillion
Banned
What are you going to do about it? Continue complaining on GAF? Been there done that. It won't change anything.
Look, that particular picture of you displays you as attractive. Maybe you look better in person, maybe you don't - I'm no stranger to putting the best pictures out there - even without believing you look any good.
Yo, what good is it keeping yourself unhappy? It doesn't do anything for you. Instead, start trying, step by step. Talk to new people (perhaps one-on-one), and just practice talking. Smiling. Whatever. Most of all, enjoy being you. Figure out who you are and who you want to be and don't cry about what you can't change.
I don't look good in glasses either (imho). I'd be lying if that's not partly why I don't have them on me at parties anymore (but I also don't want them to break). I'm no fashion guru at all and I don't know your personality but I'd change the shirt for something less bland, get contact lenses and maybe do something with the hair? If you don't want to look like a 15 year old, something I probably wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't said anything, do something to change it. It's easier than it's usually perceived as being.
Midnights: It's getting more and more unbelievable
I think you actually could care less (I assume you mean you couldn't?). I mean, it's obviously aggravating you to some extent since we're talking about it fairly often here. I don't know if your anger is similar to mine but I managed to harness that anger last year and use it as positive fuel to make the changes I needed. And as always, tell yourself that people your age DO want to be around YOU. We won't stop giving that "lying" advice. I'm actually getting curious about how you are irl and what an ordinary week for you is like. I kinda want to see it for myself and I'm sure I'm not alone in here thinking that.Should I go on a date with a girl who asked me out on OKC that I'm pretty sure I'm not interested in perusing a relationship with? She's got a few deal breakers for me, mostly that she smokes among other things.
I don't really know what to do, for some reason this is making me super nervous.
Edit: I just realized this is probably the stupidest question. I just feel like if I go it makes me feel desperate for some reason because normally I probably wouldn't have asked her out, but she asked me out.
I don't really know what to do, for some reason this is making me super nervous.
Edit: I just realized this is probably the stupidest question. I just feel like if I go it makes me feel desperate for some reason because normally I probably wouldn't have asked her out, but she asked me out.
god dammit
Just how serious are the deal breakers? I'd hold to my principles unless they're just petty and not really true deal breakers. Your edit suggests to me that you should say no. Unless the positives outweigh the perceived negatives.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I post on GAF when I'm at home with nothing to do man. Most days I'm out doing stuff and talking to people. Frankly I'm getting a bit tired of being treated like Combine. I've said this about a thousand times already but I'm not gonna stop trying to better myself or quit trying in general but I do post on here from time to time expressing some frustration in my real failed efforts. Not like I'm posting about made up stuff in my own head.
If that's a problem with that then feel free to tell me and I'll get out of here.
Whatever man somebody was joking around with me about a week ago and told me "the first time I saw you I wanted to throw up". In all likelihood it was a joke but what the hell kind of joke is that?! If you wanna start digging up post history look up the one where I said I personally don't see an ugly person in the mirror but I guess other people do.
I could be making excuses so I can wuss out. I don't know. I've gone full on neurotic.
I really can't imagine myself dating someone who smokes. My ex did and quit super early on in our relationship, but she would smoke every once and a while (usually when she was drunk) and the smell made it really hard for me to get close to her when she did. I also just think it's pretty disgusting. She's also religious which... I don't know if I could deal with a religious person as it tends to go against a lot of my core values about how life works.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
What are non-bland shirt examples? Fashion has never been my strong suite.
I'd say turn her down. Sounds like you've already made up your mind
You haven't said anything positive about her so it's looks pretty clear that the negatives are meaningful to you.You should ask for advice on that in the Manshion thread instead, I think :S Personally, I don't like the dull color. I prefer flashier stuff with brighter and stronger colors. Maybe with prints on them as well. Like you said, you look decent-looking, which you made sound like a bad thing, so it probably is, is my line of thinking
And don't fold your arms. It looks defensive in any situation (man, I really need to listen to my own advice...)I'd say turn her down. Sounds like you've already made up your mind
Well the thing is, she's into a lot of music and movies that I am. It's just like the good and the bad are equally balanced, which is making this a weird situation for me.
PigSpeakers
Member
Have you tried growing a beard? I did for that same reason. Life has been so much better, and it's a conversation piece. The dates aren't rolling in or anything, but that's probably just because I haven't been asking, but my self-confidence is way up.
Also, non-bland shirts for me are things that are somewhat flashy, maybe like a stripey v-neck, but nothing with a ridiculously long v. They're in right now, and I just bought myself a few and think I look a bit more interesting in them than plain t-shirts. I also have a light jacket on, which isn't too warm for washington summer, but keeps my skinny arms from freezing.
I assume you guys haven't met before irl? Are you two looking for a serious relationship? Then I doubt meeting up just to check her out irl would help. What you say about religion seems very important to you. If it's something more casual, like hooking up, maybe it doesn't matter as much. In the future I'd tell myself that I only attract the women I want and that includes non-smokers and those who share my views.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
I've thought about it, but I really don't think it would go with my hair, and I'm really reluctant to seriously cut my hair down because its the physical feature I get the most complements on. It doesn't show so well in the photo because the heat makes it frizzy, but in better conditions its this nice thick large curly style.
I'd say turn her down. Sounds like you've already made up your mind
You should ask for advice on that in the Manshion thread instead, I think :S Personally, I don't like the dull color. I prefer flashier stuff with brighter and stronger colors. Maybe with prints on them as well. Like you said, you look decent-looking, which you made sound like a bad thing, so it probably is, is my line of thinking
Dude you're critiquing him on an avatar pic on a forum. It's not like he folds his arms and wears that same shirt to every date.
lolPlus I think the shirt is fine. It's a nice polo shirt, and green is actually a more modest color than something conservative like a dark blue or dark red.
Personally, I wear polo shirts of all sorts of colors all the time. I also never wear any with prints on them. I like to dress "up" usually more than casual. I don't own a single pair of jeans for example. I always wear khaki pants lol. That's just how I am though.
Technomancer, I'd get yourself a nice watch too. Nothing too flashy but still nice. I can't tell you how much a nice watch accents a person's looks.
(and I'm talking a metal analog watch, not some digital math club watch.)Admiral Bone to Pick
Banned
Probably a longshot but does anyone know a good haircut place in the Montgomery County/DC area?
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Dude you're critiquing him on an avatar pic on a forum. It's not like he folds his arms and wears that same shirt to every date.
Well I did ask for the advice
All of my best shirts are definitely single color though. In the short-sleeve area the only three nice ones I own are bright red, pale brown, and the light green polo I'm wearing there.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Well I did ask for the advice
All of my best shirts are definitely single color though. In the short-sleeve area the only three nice ones I own are bright red, pale brown, and the light green polo I'm wearing there.
The problem is your hairstyle comes down and begins to cover your eyes. That is like a classic boyish haircut. It almost always makes a young person look even younger. Glasses in general aren't bad but you gotta make sure they properly frame your face. Green is also something that is difficult to pull off which is why if you stop to look around you don't see it in clothing as much as other colours. Your complexion is light so the green doesn't mesh with it too well. There are a lot of things you could do and they are easy. Wear a watch try to tan a bit and buy a few more clothes based on these recommendation.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
That's definitely advice I can think about, thanks.
PigSpeakers
Member
Well I did ask for the advice
All of my best shirts are definitely single color though. In the short-sleeve area the only three nice ones I own are bright red, pale brown, and the light green polo I'm wearing there.
I think when wearing single color shirts, it's a nice idea to layer and accessorize. Like I mentioned earlier, a light jacket, or I often wear a button-up plaid shirt over it. Sometimes you can unbutton it. Short-sleeve doesn't always look good as far as plaid goes, so I typically go with a long sleeve since I have really skinny arms. I also wear a sports watch, but that's just my particular thing. A lot of people are into the nicer looking analog watches.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Stay away from brown also unless it's fall/winter and it's being paired with other colors.
luckyboyceo
Member
Come over to the Manshion thread. MiDNiGHTS and I will help you out (or try to anyway).
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Alright, browsing in the Manshion thread now. Some quick advice though: for the date-thing I have coming up for the Fourth what do you think of wearing a very simple black polo-thing?
soundahfekz
Member
Depends on the season. During fall and winter you want to wear interesting layers, a light cardigan and a v-neck on a cool day works. Different color chinos are good. Summer time non cargo shorts (Think j crew, ralph lauren, etc) with a long or short sleeve button down (roll the sleeves if long!). Buy patterns. Gingham is nice. Plaid is cool, horizontal stripes can be layered with solid colors. Gotta jazz up the solids a bit man, you want to be interesting in every aspect and how you dress is certainly part of it.
Get a good pair of shades, a nice watch, accessories to accent your outfit. a Bracelet type accessory is good, women love those small details. You need to start treating style like a 24-7 job. Copy someone's colors on a style blog that you like, whatever you have to do until the desire to be fresh every day becomes instinctual. Is that a beard under the neck? if so kill it. either grow a full one or go clean cut. Visit a stylist to work on the hair, if you have to wear glasses get a stylish pair that are squarish so that it fits the shape of a masculine face.
Get a nice pair of dress shoes, cognac is always an amazing color to match with. Get Nice pair of boots and some classic shoes. Canvas are nice in the warmer months and give you a relaxed confident look.
I'm not tearing you down here, just giving you useful advice that will definitely improve your "broadcast" to women and your confidence within.
Yep. Great idea. Manshion thread is a great resource for getting spiffy! You could just dress like prof. badass and watch the universe implode around you too.
Toss a button up polo unbuttoned over top and you're set.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Man, that's going to be tough, forecasts have it at around 95 degrees on Wednesday.
Well you also dont want to do that if its hot, cause then the response would be you are weird for wearing layers in the heat.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Right, I'm currently thinking just the black polo and dark blue jeans, just because my fashion options are so limited at the moment. I'm going to try and learn some stuff and gradually expand my closet though.
soundahfekz
Member
start shopping thrift, you can score some good shirts or something crazy vintage that can't be bought anymore!
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
If it's that hot then no one's gonna blame you for keeping it light. You don't wanna be sweating up a storm.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
By button up polo do you mean buttons down the entire front? That's what I assumed but I'm having some slight trouble finding examples online.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Here's a guy pulling off a black polo with layering. Only thing missing is a nice watch.
luckyboyceo
Member
Personally, I hate polos and think they always project a much more boyish look than something like a dress shirt. How's your dress shirt collection?
If possible, I'd go with a light, nice fitting dress shirt, tucked into the jeans with the top button undone and the sleeves rolled up/cuffed. I think that will give your better results and make you look much more adult.
Pretty sure you're thinking of a cardigan.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
This is perfect advice going forward. Not sure if you have enough time by the 4th to build an outfit but you can make the black polo work for now with just a few tweaks and the right coordination.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Dress shirt in this case just being one of those light-weight button up shirts? Yeah, my selection is not good.
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