Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Yes some of us still use 50 posts per page. Reposting because I think its good advice that I have read and learned and worth sharing

When you go out at night

-don't be outcome dependent ("are there gonna be girls there?"). it shouldn't matter because you're there to have a good time, girls are secondary and optional. there's nothing more attractive than having fun.

-don't scout. don't look around the room checking out all the girls. walk into a bar, find the nearest empty chair, put your coat on it and order your drinks. girls check out guys too and they find scouting lame and sometimes creepy.

-if you make eye contact with a girl maintain it, never be the first to break. alternate between focusing on each eye to make yourself more comfortable. if she looks away quickly and never looks back she's probably not interested. if she looks away then keeps glancing back she might be interested but shy. if she looks down she might be interested (down could be a sign of submission). if she locks with you she's probably interested.

-don't job interview ("where are you from", "what do you do", etc). you can ask those questions just not up front, ask them spread out over time after you feel mutual interest. ask opinion questions up front after introducing yourself it makes for easier and better conversation.

-don't give total body language to a girl right away. as in just move your head towards her to say hi, face your body towards her only after she turns her body towards you first.

-don't give her physical compliments ("you're very pretty") instead compliment her clothes or style.

-wear your clothes, don't let them wear you.


I am by no means an expert on girls or even close, actually I'm a total noob. But I have been doing these things lately and have notices far more attraction and better results. These tips will help you.
 
Since you guys are on the subject, when does eye contact come off as creepy? Say, if a girl was looking at you, when would she come off as creepy? Or I guess eye contact in general?
 
Can I get some tips to pump myself up before I go and talk to a girl I'm interested in? I've had a few chances to do something, and each time I bitched out.

This has become I problem for me since I broke up with my ex. I just need to get back into the swing of things.
 
Almond said:
Since you guys are on the subject, when does eye contact come off as creepy? Say, if a girl was looking at you, when would she come off as creepy? Or I guess eye contact in general?
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garthmarenghi.gif
 
Almond said:
Since you guys are on the subject, when does eye contact come off as creepy? Say, if a girl was looking at you, when would she come off as creepy? Or I guess eye contact in general?
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If it feels creepy it probably is creepy. Also note that being labelled creepy is much worse than being friedzoned so don't do it.

Don't have your mouth hanging open, don't be scouting, smile or smirk and make sure your eyes are smiling too.
 
Almond said:
Since you guys are on the subject, when does eye contact come off as creepy? Say, if a girl was looking at you, when would she come off as creepy? Or I guess eye contact in general?
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This is what I'm worried about if I ever try Soultron's eye game. The girl just goes what the fuck are you looking at? In a public place that can be very embarrassing not to mention everyone will be looking at you weirdly after that.
 
i5urmGJCBHe7z.gif


There was this hot girl in my calculus class. We had a test today, and after the test, I went and sat at the table outside the classroom. She wasn't done yet, and I was planning on striking when she was. She finished, and came and sat at the same table, we were the only two people out there.

I took GAF's advice and didn't "Leeroy Jenkins" it and jump right into it. We just had a casual conversation about the test and other random things. Now there were four chairs at this table, and the table was against the wall. I sat in one chair, she sat two chairs away from that and was studying for another test she had today while talking. This other guy finishes the calc test, comes out, and sits in the fucking chair between us. All 3 of us were talking about the test for a while. My friend walks up and was talking with us too. Now the girl I was going for here had an iPhone and was messing with it occasionally, and would set it down. So the guy that sat between us grabbed the phone at one point and tried to unlock it, and accidentally hit the screen lock button (that blanked out the screen) and he was like "Oh, wait, why didn't that work?" because he tried to slide the on-screen slider. Then she was like "You've never used an iPhone before, and moved the slider and put in her passcode. "What were you trying to do anyway?" He says "Put my number in your phone." Well this other girl was sitting on the other side of the girl in question says "You know he's trying to ask you out, right?" And guess what? SHE FUCKING SAYS YES. GOD DAMMIT JESUS FUCK. I know this was my fault, because obviously I waited too long (or maybe this situation would have been one to jump right into it). Still though, fuck! So close, yet so far away, and she was single, FUCK.

iePZJVqru4jZA.jpg
 
EviLore said:
Lots of people think of silence as inherently awkward. Some retarded people actually yell out "AWKWARD SILENCE LOL" at any break in conversation. They need a slapping.

Looking at someone and someone looking back at you is just another form of communication, and a very important one at that, one you need to be assertive with.
Click to expand...

*Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence YT link*

You don't have to constantly talk. Sometimes more conversation does nothing but ruin the moment.
 
MutantCyborg said:
Can I get some tips to pump myself up before I go and talk to a girl I'm interested in? I've had a few chances to do something, and each time I bitched out.

This has become I problem for me since I broke up with my ex. I just need to get back into the swing of things.
Click to expand...
When youre out approach girls you're not attracted to, introduce yourself, say hi whatever. Approach guys, say hi and whatever. Get your social ball rolling, be friendly and socialable with everyone. After doing this to start off your night your social confidence that night will be in beast mode.
 
Detox said:
This is what I'm worried about if I ever try Soultron's eye game. The girl just goes what the fuck are you looking at? In a public place that can be very embarrassing not to mention everyone will be looking at you weirdly after that.
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Seriously, if you smile or start to smile the second she notice you are looking at her, it isn't creepy. It is just adorable, sexy, cute, endearing or something with those lines anyways.

And yeah, like said before, be sure that your eyes are smiling too and aren't totally dead.
 
Hylian7 said:
There was this hot girl in my calculus class. We had a test today, and after the test, I went and sat at the table outside the classroom. She wasn't done yet, and I was planning on striking when she was. She finished, and came and sat at the same table, we were the only two people out there.

I took GAF's advice and didn't "Leeroy Jenkins" it and jump right into it. We just had a casual conversation about the test and other random things. Now there were four chairs at this table, and the table was against the wall. I sat in one chair, she sat two chairs away from that and was studying for another test she had today while talking. This other guy finishes the calc test, comes out, and sits in the fucking chair between us. All 3 of us were talking about the test for a while. My friend walks up and was talking with us too. Now the girl I was going for here had an iPhone and was messing with it occasionally, and would set it down. So the guy that sat between us grabbed the phone at one point and tried to unlock it, and accidentally hit the screen lock button (that blanked out the screen) and he was like "Oh, wait, why didn't that work?" because he tried to slide the on-screen slider. Then she was like "You've never used an iPhone before, and moved the slider and put in her passcode. "What were you trying to do anyway?" He says "Put my number in your phone." Well this other girl was sitting on the other side of the girl in question says "You know he's trying to ask you out, right?" And guess what? SHE FUCKING SAYS YES. GOD DAMMIT JESUS FUCK. I know this was my fault, because obviously I waited too long (or maybe this situation would have been one to jump right into it). Still though, fuck! So close, yet so far away, and she was single, FUCK.
Click to expand...

Sit next to her next time. The other guy? He didn't have any choice, and from him being that close, he was able to grab that phone without having to stretch.

Edit: Also, that's a nice .gif at the start of the post, there.
 
Omegasquash said:
Sit next to her next time. The other guy? He didn't have any choice, and from him being that close, he was able to grab that phone without having to stretch.
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I sat before either of them did, I'm not sure how I could have gracefully pulled off moving one seat over.

BronzeWolf said:
The one that picked up your math chick! And I would like to meet you too, so i can wingman the shit out. And eat some steak. Preferably the steak
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That's what I figured you were talking about, wasn't sure because not quote though.
 
Hylian7 said:
Insert epic failure.
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Poor babe. But hey, if you are lucky that lad doesn't read our awesome tips, totally fails with her on the date and you manage to get another change to ask her out.

And if not, there are many other cute chicks out there to ask out.
 
Hylian7 said:
http://i.minus.com/i5urmGJCBHe7z.gif[IMG]

There was this hot girl in my calculus class. We had a test today, and after the test, I went and sat at the table outside the classroom. She wasn't done yet, and I was planning on striking when she was. She finished, and came and sat at the same table, we were the only two people out there.

I took GAF's advice and didn't "Leeroy Jenkins" it and jump right into it. We just had a casual conversation about the test and other random things. Now there were four chairs at this table, and the table was against the wall. I sat in one chair, she sat two chairs away from that and was studying for another test she had today while talking. This other guy finishes the calc test, comes out, and sits in the fucking chair between us. All 3 of us were talking about the test for a while. My friend walks up and was talking with us too. Now the girl I was going for here had an iPhone and was messing with it occasionally, and would set it down. So the guy that sat between us grabbed the phone at one point and tried to unlock it, and accidentally hit the screen lock button (that blanked out the screen) and he was like "Oh, wait, why didn't that work?" because he tried to slide the on-screen slider. Then she was like "You've never used an iPhone before, and moved the slider and put in her passcode. "What were you trying to do anyway?" He says "Put my number in your phone." Well this other girl was sitting on the other side of the girl in question says "You know he's trying to ask you out, right?" And guess what? SHE FUCKING SAYS YES. GOD DAMMIT JESUS FUCK. I know this was my fault, because obviously I waited too long (or maybe this situation would have been one to jump right into it). Still though, fuck! So close, yet so far away, and she was single, FUCK.

[IMG]http://i.minus.com/iePZJVqru4jZA.jpg[IMG][/QUOTE]

You got CB'd, no biggie. You can ask her out the next time you see her. Not like dude asked her to get married.

Also...don't take anything you read here as gospel truth. If you wanted to ask her out, you should have just asked her out when you were alone instead of trying to wait for the "perfect moment". All that waiting got you CB'd.
Click to expand...
 
dskillzhtown said:
You got CB'd, no biggie. You can ask her out the next time you see her. Not like dude asked her to get married.

Also...don't take anything you read here as gospel truth. If you wanted to ask her out, you should have just asked her out when you were alone instead of trying to wait for the "perfect moment". All that waiting got you CB'd.
Click to expand...

I guess, I just tried the exact opposite the other day and pretty much everyone here agreed it was too fast.
 
Hylian7 said:
I sat before either of them did, I'm not sure how I could have gracefully pulled off moving one seat over.
Click to expand...

Oh, no sorry. I meant sit next to her even when no one else is there. You're expressing interest, and being confident at the same time. Not that that exact situation would arise again, but in general...don't be afraid to get right up next to 'em.
 
Ventilaator said:
Girl says "Some girl is going to be damned lucky some time" in the context of me being awesome.

...bad sign?
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You have just now entered Friend Zone.

Or she may be dropping hints that she likes you. No real way to tell without the context only you know. I hung out with a girl that used to say this all the time. I thought something was going to come out of it, but it never did. She is still single and I am now married and happy. Turned out she had a fear of relationships because her ex cheated on her and she never got over it. So yeah, no way to tell. You should ask her why can't she be the lucky girl?
 
Omegasquash said:
Oh, no sorry. I meant sit next to her even when no one else is there. You're expressing interest, and being confident at the same time. Not that that exact situation would arise again, but in general...don't be afraid to get right up next to 'em.
Click to expand...

I guess so, it couldn't really have been helped in this situation. I didn't notice her in the class until yesterday and everyone was already sat down by then.
 
Ventilaator said:
Girl says "Some girl is going to be damned lucky some time" in the context of me being awesome.

...bad sign?
Click to expand...

Really bad sign. I would listen to that as "The girl that finds your penis will be very happy with the rest of you"

Hylian7 said:
I sat before either of them did, I'm not sure how I could have gracefully pulled off moving one seat over.



That's what I figured you were talking about, wasn't sure because not quote though.
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Also, I don't remember people telling you not to make a move. You were probably a tad too slow. 3 or 4 sentences in you should be making it clear you want her to hang out with you

You blew it by not sitting next to her
 
Joe said:
If it feels creepy it probably is creepy. Also note that being labelled creepy is much worse than being friedzoned so don't do it.

Don't have your mouth hanging open, don't be scouting, smile or smirk and make sure your eyes are smiling too.
Click to expand...

These things I already know. Does that count for women as well? I was asking what would be considered creepy from a guys perspective.
 
Joe said:
-don't scout. don't look around the room checking out all the girls. walk into a bar, find the nearest empty chair, put your coat on it and order your drinks. girls check out guys too and they find scouting lame and sometimes creepy.
Click to expand...

Not sure if I can sign this. When I scout, girls actually come and talk to me much more often.
 
Ventilaator said:
Girl says "Some girl is going to be damned lucky some time" in the context of me being awesome.

...bad sign?
Click to expand...
Well, basicly if a girl says something with the lines "Oh my god, I want to find a lad just like you" it means that you should be thinking "Wait, what the fuck. I am exactly that lad." And then act it out. She hasn't really figured out, you have a dick and that you can be awesome dating material, even if she finds you generally awesome human being.
 
Hylian7 said:
I guess, I just tried the exact opposite the other day and pretty much everyone here agreed it was too fast.
Click to expand...

First of all, no one here knows all the details of what is going on in your life. So all advice here is based on what limited info they read in posts. Don't take anything said here as the golden rule. Think for yourself.

In this situation, there isn't any problem with asking her out the next time you talk. Her going out with this other dude doesn't make her off limits to the rest of the world. Get her number, whatever. Don't let this situation put her on your "Do not fly" list.
 
Detox said:
This is what I'm worried about if I ever try Soultron's eye game. The girl just goes what the fuck are you looking at? In a public place that can be very embarrassing not to mention everyone will be looking at you weirdly after that.
Click to expand...

You're already approaching it with a defeatist attitude. Do this less and be bold more often. You've not tried it yet, so why are you making things up as to why you shouldn't do it?

As long as you don't look like you want to murder them or aren't smiling like a fool, you'll be fine. Make sure your eyes look happy (like Sadetar mentioned) and shoot them a playful smirk if you feel like it.

It's made women approach me before -- like a tractor beam. And, I tell you, seeing a woman smile because you lock eyes with her, without letting her go, is a feeling that's really cool. It's exhilarating.

Fuck it, extend it to other human beings, regardless of age or gender, with a big smile and it's a great feeling too. Eye contact is so underappreciated.
 
Hylian7 said:
I guess so, it couldn't really have been helped in this situation. I didn't notice her in the class until yesterday and everyone was already sat down by then.
Click to expand...

Fuck it man, one fish in a sea. You could always be brazen if you want her and mention next time you chat that he beat you to the punch, but only if you want to land it. Most important thing here, though? You made a move, and that's ultra important in and of itself.
 
BronzeWolf said:
Really bad sign. I would listen to that as "The girl that finds your penis will be very happy with the rest of you"



Also, I don't remember people telling you not to make a move. You were probably a tad too slow. 3 or 4 sentences in you should be making it clear you want her to hang out with you

You blew it by not sitting next to her
Click to expand...

They weren't telling me not to make a move, they were saying that I just went too fast and didn't strike up a conversation about something else first. Regardless I went overkill on that this time and that ended up fucking me over. Obviously it would not have made a difference last time.
 
Sadetar don't go throwing the Dick word around. That's my job, your job is to look cute and awesome and build up the guys I destroy.

Hylian7 said:
They weren't telling me not to make a move, they were saying that I just went too fast and didn't strike up a conversation about something else first. Regardless I went overkill on that this time and that ended up fucking me over. Obviously it would not have made a difference last time.
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Don't heed them. Better to come off as overconfident than go around the bush
 
BronzeWolf said:
Sadetar don't go throwing the Dick word around. That's my job, your job is to look cute and awesome and build up the guys I destroy.



Don't heed them. Better to come off as overconfident than go around the bush
Click to expand...

I don't even know anymore. This thread is starting to confuse me now.
 
Hylian7 said:
I don't even know anymore. This thread is starting to confuse me now.
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Oh no darling. No need to be confused. BronzeWolf just reminded me that I should be the good cop and make people feel better while he is totally crushing them with his tips and afterthoughts.

And you should listen BronzeWolf. You don't never need to wait too long for asking someone out. They will know the minute they see you do they want to do so or not. And it is hard to change that first impression. It is possible, but it is hard, so I would advice to ask the girl out quite quickly or someone else will.

RawPower said:
Oh, I never doubted that. I can tell from here that you're a nice person.

I just don't know how to strike a middle ground between being myself and being attractive. At least not yet.

As far as staring goes, usually when I try that, the women just turn their heads down.
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It is awesome to hear I have managed to come out that way. Appreciated.

And you will found a perfect way of balancing that thin line between being yourself and being socially acceptable and hawt. You will surely manage to combine those without losing either one. It might take some time to figure out the right way, but we all trust you to succeed.

Shaving off that neckbeard was a good beginning. Also you could be a bit more open about things and perhaps try some something new to break your normal patterns. Some people cope way better when they are out of their comfort zone.

soultron said:
It's made women approach me before -- like a tractor beam. And, I tell you, seeing a woman smile because you lock eyes with her, without letting her go, is a feeling that's really cool. It's exhilarating.
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It works also the other way around. You make the girl feel she is something special when you look at her, lock your sight and smile at her. She feels you actually pay attention to her and she will have really positive image about you and your self confidence. she also things you are polite and interesting at the same time. Think about it, just one look, and you have already told the girl all of the above.

Plus of course the awesome feeling Soultron mentioned. It makes you feel you are the man.

soultron said:
Fuck it, extend it to other human beings, regardless of age or gender, with a big smile and it's a great feeling too. Eye contact is so underappreciated.
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Now you perhaps start to understand why I am generally always on a good mood and think that people are friendly and awesome. I smile to them, they smile me back. What a wonderful world we live in.

Read: Listen the master soultron and follow his awesome advice. Eyecontact is easy way to boost your ego and make people around you happy. (I hopefully don't need to tell you, that the happy people around you are more likely to end up thinking you are absolutely smashing and cool and thus more willing to share their bed with you.)
 
ITT: Sadetar and Bronzewolf are friendly foils.

@Hylian7: Don't worry about what you did wrong, remember what you did right and hold on to that. The more you do that's right, the more your game refines. It's about learning, not failure.
 
Well today I had my first friend zone/rejection of 2012, one and a half months into the year. Fml

Considering I had 5 last year this isn't a great start, thats a record I dont want to break. Bummer.
 
Hylian7 said:
I don't even know anymore. This thread is starting to confuse me now.
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That's my point. Take all this advice with a grain of salt and make your own decisions. Gauge how a conversation is going, what body language is showing you, etc. and got with the flow. You are going to screw up, we all have screwed up. Hell, I am married and still screw up. You just live and learn.
 
Bucket-o-roadkill said:
Well today I had my first friend zone/rejection of 2012, one and a half months into the year. Fml

Considering I had 5 last year this isn't a great start, thats a record I dont want to break. Bummer.
Click to expand...

Are you only trying to talk to women you are already friends with? That will usually end in a nice Friend Zone Vacation.
 
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