Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Hylian7 said:
"Race game" isn't a term I'm familiar with. Can you explain?
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Sorry. Like I mentioned, it is quite early morning (now over 9 am. I am such a failure) and I still haven't managed to go to bed. I meant car racing game, like Forca Motorsport.

slopeslider said:
So are you a girl or a guy
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Just what Hylian7 said. If you feel like it, you can ask for example from -PXG- and he will agree.

mcrae said:
when you refuse the 2nd date that guy is gonna go on some other forum complaining how girls make no sense when they compliment you and seem to laugh and enjoy themselves the entire first date but dont want a second.

lol
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Hahah. Adorable idea, but thank gods it wasn't a date. Just talking and passing on some time. Also he doesn't need to go on complaining to other forums. We have the best people in here and like I said, "it seems even the best of us can have bad days". ;) Lol. And hey, he was at least entertaining. I am going to talk with him in the future. I'll let people know when I am having these near to death experiences when they are boring the hell out of me. I am easy to cope with.

Oh, and I did ask his motives why he told me all those things. He said he don't know. He also said he founds me extremely attractive and thinks I am gorgeous.

Sometimes I just don't understand men.

I also need to add, that he must, at least on some level, be really good with girls. He still have at least that five or six ex-girlfriends he can speak of. Like I said, he most likely just got a bad day. You can still continue believing every advice you hear in here.
 
Sadetar said:
Well, you just need to remember that she is checking you out cause she thinks you are extremely good looking lad. Just smile back. You don't need to do anything else.
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A Kool Aid smile then (well not really; that would be too creepy).
soultron said:
On eye contact:

This was a game I played with myself when I was forcing myself to build confidence. When you see someone, look them in the eye. Do this until they make eye contact. Then keep holding it. Hold it steady.

Sometimes girls will catch your eye. Sometimes they'll run away with their eyes. Sometimes they'll come back for more. Sometimes they'll hold it the entire time, unflinchingly. Some will smile and say hello!

When you can do this, right up until someone passes you, you're a bad ass. It's tough. Your natural inclination will be to look away. We're always taught that staring is rude. But staring is bold. It's not like you're staring at their rack, mouth open. Don't smile or say hello unless you feel like it. I usually didn't do anything unless they did.

It's a pretty electrifying feeling. Knowing that you're probably giving them that same feeling is neat. Do it with any woman you see, just for shits. Don't do it at night, you don't want to scare them. (Use common sense.)

Try it out. It's a fun game you can play anywhere. You'll be surprised by how difficult it is when you first start out. But you'll get better the more you play.
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I know you've brought this up before, but I attempted it earlier while I was transferring trains. I'll keep at it, although admittedly, it's scary. Earlier today I was trying to make eye contact with this attractive platinum blonde chick on the train since she looked bored. I felt a bit uncomfortable; it turned out she got off at my stop. It's too bad I jetted up the stairs like I normally do when I get to my home stop.

So the speed dating thing is in several hours from now. Admittedly, I'm scared. Whenever I get nervous/anxious, I tend to sweat a lot from my armpits which leads to...you guessed it: body odor. The thought of a woman getting a whiff of my arm and cringing scares the bejesus out of me. It doesn't help that the deodorant that I'm currently using sucks (Tom's Natural Deodorant; waste of money).

I'm allergic to antiperspirants (plus they gave my shirts yellow stains). My mother told me to shave my armpits (they're hairy at the moment), wash my armpits well, and dress to impress so I'll do that for sure (I'm scared of shaving the pits).
 
Jipan said:
v6bwp.png

A Kool Aid smile then (well not really; that would be too creepy).


I know you've brought this up before, but I attempted it earlier while I was transferring trains. I'll keep at it, although admittedly, it's scary. Earlier today I was trying to make eye contact with this attractive platinum blonde chick on the train since she looked bored. I felt a bit uncomfortable; it turned out she got off at my stop. It's too bad I jetted up the stairs like I normally do when I get to my home stop.

So the speed dating thing is in several hours from now. Admittedly, I'm scared. Whenever I get nervous/anxious, I tend to sweat a lot from my armpits which leads to...you guessed it: body odor. The thought of a woman getting a whiff of my arm and cringing scares the bejesus out of me. It doesn't help that the deodorant that I'm currently using sucks (Tom's Natural Deodorant; waste of money).

I'm allergic to antiperspirants (plus they gave my shirts yellow stains). My mother told me to shave my armpits (they're hairy at the moment), wash my armpits well, and dress to impress so I'll do that for sure (I'm scared of shaving the pits).
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well buy better deoderant for sure... ever try old spice?
and also wear some cologne.
wear a black dress shirt, linen is very light
dont raise your arms. lol.

if you have a nice peacoat or whatever really, that has interior pockets, you can even take the deoderant with you to the location. pop in the bathroom stall if you need to.

but mostly just try not to be nervous, everyone is there for the same reasons, to meet new people and have fun. its going to be all open minded individuals that are looking forward to meeting other people, ie you.

take a note from the guy who posted earlier about going out in bars: dont be outcome-dependant. go to have fun, not to land girls. just go for a good time.

Sadetar said:
Hahah. Adorable idea, but thank gods it wasn't a date. Just talking and passing on some time. Also he doesn't need to go on complaining to other forums. We have the best people in here and like I said, "it seems even the best of us can have bad days". ;) Lol. And hey, he was at least entertaining. I am going to talk with him in the future. I'll let people know when I am having these near to death experiences when they are boring the hell out of me. I am easy to cope with.

Oh, and I did ask his motives why he told me all those things. He said he don't know. He also said he founds me extremely attractive and thinks I am gorgeous.

Sometimes I just don't understand men.
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ahhhhhhhh i see. i have so many questions but ill just let them pass, lol
 
I love Tom's deodorant, then again, I hardly ever have body odor problems, so I guess I'm just lucky.

On Valentine's Day, I wound up hanging out with a friend who I went on a date with last semester but was never into me enough to work me into her schedule for a second date. It was nice since I had just planned on doing homework all night and was finally comfortable with us just being friends. We even held hands for a while as a joke, since neither of us had dates.

Today I felt much better about the choir girl who I didn't move quickly enough on and was asked out by my friend. Hung out with the choir after rehearsal -- the girl and my friend were there and I didn't feel jealous at all.

All in all, I'm feeling really at peace with my current situation, even though nothing is happening. I feel ready to just talk to girls without getting pressured by my inner self to succeed. It's amazing how much just reading this thread helps.
 
mcrae said:
well buy better deoderant for sure... ever try old spice?
and also wear some cologne.
wear a black dress shirt, linen is very light
dont raise your arms. lol.

if you have a nice peacoat or whatever really, that has interior pockets, you can even take the deoderant with you to the location. pop in the bathroom stall if you need to.

but mostly just try not to be nervous, everyone is there for the same reasons, to meet new people and have fun. its going to be all open minded individuals that are looking forward to meeting other people, ie you.

take a note from the guy who posted earlier about going out in bars: dont be outcome-dependant. go to have fun, not to land girls. just go for a good time.


ahhhhhhhh i see. i have so many questions but ill just let them pass, lol
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I tried Old Spice; it doesn't work for nothing. I just looked up a few Youtube videos on how to shave the pits, so I think I got it. I do have a couple of jackets that have inner pockets; there's a leather jacket that I have that makes me sweat like a steam room. I might just go to the CVS that's down a few blocks from the school and check out a new deodorant. I'm definitely going to smell myself to make sure I don't stink.

And cologne wise, the Vaseline's Men lotion that I use is pungent enough I suppose. I know, I'm not going there to get chicks (honestly, I'm not expecting to get any dates out of it); definitely to enjoy myself and meet new people. I'm gonna a nice deep breath and go for it.
 
Are girls okay with being in a relationship with a guy who doesn't have or do much? I feel like one of the things that's holding me back from just going for it is the fact that aside from love, dedication, support, and all the usual emotional and mental stuff you expect from a partner, I feel like I don't have much else to offer whoever I'd be in a relationship with.

Ever since my only two friends in high school suddenly left me and wanted nothing to do with me 5 years ago, I never ventured out to be with new people or hang out with new friends, I just focused completely on being a full-time student and reversing my health.

I feel like if that one girl takes a peak behind the curtain to see who I hang with, what I do on a daily basis, where I worked (or didn't work), etc., she'd just go "yeah no, I'm done."
 
I joined a dating site maybe I'm expecting too much but the matches have been garbo.
E.G.: I like movies yet there's not really a good way to show thats something you're super into or whatever.

One girl seems cool though but she hasn't responded to my message yet. ;_;
 
Domino Theory said:
Are girls okay with being in a relationship with a guy who doesn't have or do much? I feel like one of the things that's holding me back from just going for it is the fact that aside from love, dedication, support, and all the usual emotional and mental stuff you expect from a partner, I feel like I don't have much else to offer whoever I'd be in a relationship with.

Ever since my only two friends in high school suddenly left me and wanted nothing to do with me 5 years ago, I never ventured out to be with new people or hang out with new friends, I just focused completely on being a full-time student and reversing my health.

I feel like if that one girl takes a peak behind the curtain to see who I hang with, what I do on a daily basis, where I worked (or didn't work), etc., she'd just go "yeah no, I'm done."
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Well you don't know that every girl is going to be like that. Still, I'd focus on getting some friends and new hobbies. Remember that self-improvement will make you a more attractive person because you're also going to become more confident in yourself.

You're worried you don't do enough stuff or lead an interesting life. Fix this worry by adding some stuff into the mix. Once you're feeling better about yourself, you'll most definitely come across as a more confident dude.

However, don't worry about being the life of the party or a super-super interesting dude. For instance, I work and study a lot, and my GF and I keep it pretty low-key and relaxed. We'll make dinner or watch documentaries if that's the only thing we get to do in a busy week. Some might not find that exciting, but that's something we like to do together. I don't ever stress about having to plan a romantic comedy-inspired date with multiple tiers of complexity because I don't have time for that, and frankly, it's not who I am. Find someone who matches up well with you and you'll have a good time.

---

BronzeWolf: as we always say, Onto The Next One™. Best of luck and sorry to hear. Tomorrow is a new day for the fearless Wolf.
 
soultron said:
BronzeWolf: as we always say, Onto The Next One™. Best of luck and sorry to hear. Tomorrow is a new day for the fearless Wolf.
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Thanks bro, really appreciate it. I don't want to comment much, but I feel very fucking proud of myself since it has really been my finest hour, and I know some girl will be very fucking happy with what this other one let go.

I am really frustrated right now as I can't fall asleep due to a runny nose (cold incoming it seems).

I am planning on asking a girl out tomorrow, but I am hesitant. She knows I had a girlfriend so asking her just the day after, she might be feeling a little weird. Maybe if I promise to explain the situation a little bit over the date so she doesn't feel like a rebound, which she totally would not be
 
Sadetar said:
1. Don't mention your ex-girlfriends (please, at least not five different ones... if I counted right, it might have been six).
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I know not to do this, though I was asked once why I moved to where I live now and I offhandedly said It was partly to move closer to my ex (true), then immediately went on about how happy I was about living here and how great of a choice it was.
 
BronzeWolf said:
I am planning on asking a girl out tomorrow, but I am hesitant. She knows I had a girlfriend so asking her just the day after, she might be feeling a little weird. Maybe if I promise to explain the situation a little bit over the date so she doesn't feel like a rebound, which she totally would not be
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Two weeks isn't long enough to require a rebound, lol. I wouldn't even talk about it at all unless she brings it up.
 
Any recommendations for iTunes (or from elsewhere) Podcasts to help with inner game, tips, etc?

For example, I found A.J. & Jordan Pick Up Podcast and their new Talks Chicks Podcast. Anything else?
 
Dr Duncan Steel said:
Had class with the girl who flaked on me. Did not say a single word and she left pretty quickly.

Shame, she was really one of the nice ones. Too bad they're all the same when it boils down to it. I dunno how I should feel, or if I should go talk to her.
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As long as you have this attitude, you're gonna have some problems.
 
Hmm, apparently I was told a girl I almost seduced into a one night stand some weeks ago, was asking around for me at my regular place yesterday (was cockblocked by her batshit insane brazilian girlfriend).

What to do, what to do, what to do.... :)

By the way, its a beautiful sunset over here in copenhagen right now. My balcony is lit up in a warm orange glowing nuance. Listening to Guru's Jazzmatazz - loungin' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FzV21Lqd3A), drinkin' coffee, chattin' with a very good friend over facebook and having a smoke.

Probably gonna go joggin' a bit later before going out tonight.

Life is good.

Cyan said:
High-status characteristics are mostly about confidence and having a large personal space:
-feet in a broad stance, shoulders back
-no defensive body language
-high eye-level (i.e. looking towards other people's heads or beyond rather than at your feet)
-economy of motion
-comfortable making physical contact with people
-decisive, willing to make decisions for others
-and of course, making and holding eye contact
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This. Fucking this. Cant be quoted enough. And guys learn to fucking smile when you talk to some one. Use the mannerisms of your face to establish attractive body language.

Also try standard or recreational meditation, do something relaxing before you go out. I usually read some litterature, watch Californication, listening to some jazz music to prep / calm my mind. But thats just my thing.

Joe said:
When youre out approach girls you're not attracted to, introduce yourself, say hi whatever. Approach guys, say hi and whatever. Get your social ball rolling, be friendly and socialable with everyone. After doing this to start off your night your social confidence that night will be in beast mode.
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I do this all the time. Especially places that I regular at. I greet everybody with good mannerisms and ask them whats up and how they're doing. Its a VERY powerfull social tool and helps you to establish yourself as an attractive guy with a high social status.

It amuses me how often my friends tell me its so easy approaching new people for me.

Vigilant Walrus said:
Yeah, highluxury, I'm in Copenhagen actually, though I have never meet a GAFer in real life before.
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Lets hook up bro! Invite your friends, I'll invite my friends, find a bar and we'll see how things will go. Dont be a stranger now. You might be missing out on something awesome.

Xun said:
Why would I need to fake it? ;)

The only girls there were with their boyfriends, but I didn't mind.

I went for the music, and had an absolute blast! I just hope my ears stop ringing soon...
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Love to hear that man! Sounds f'in fantastic! Had a brilliant time myself, awesome session with DJ's scracthin and MC battles.

Remember to keep swingin' that dick around like a pimp. Sooner or later it will wrap itself around a girl.
 
Need some guidance from girl age. Long story short, I've been friend zoned, or rather I'm the "back up guy", no big deal, she flirted, I made a move, ran into a brick wall, it's been a bit awkward now and then, but we've mostly overcame that phase and she has now reverted to being a tease.

Up front, I'm into her, but not like before, tables have sorta turned in that respect where I've also been turning it up a little with the teasing, but 1) with kid, 2) with man. So... she often suggests I purchase her drinks, or other random things. So far I've just played it off, haven't bought her anything. Obviously she is trying to have her cake and eat it too, but what's a guy to do?
 
rkn said:
Need some guidance from girl age. Long story short, I've been friend zoned, or rather I'm the "back up guy", no big deal, she flirted, I made a move, ran into a brick wall, it's been a bit awkward now and then, but we've mostly overcame that phase and she has now reverted to being a tease.

Up front, I'm into her, but not like before, tables have sorta turned in that respect where I've also been turning it up a little with the teasing, but 1) with kid, 2) with man. So... she often suggests I purchase her drinks, or other random things. So far I've just played it off, haven't bought her anything. Obviously she is trying to have her cake and eat it too, but what's a guy to do?
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Quit hanging out with her. Girls who tease like that aren't worth the time of day.
 
Hylian7 said:
Someone suggest me a place to meet women that's not a bar/nightclub and I can go to by myself. I may just try something today.
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Restaurant, store, student lounge (since it sounds like you're a student), cafe, elevator...wherever. Maybe there are also group gatherings focused on your area of interest that are out there. Not sure if it'll work TODAY, but there it is, anyway.

@RKN: Schlep is on the money, here. She's asking you to buy her shit. I'd avoid a relationship that's straight up transaction based, personally. If they're after the dollars, there are a few late 80's early 90's rap tracks that I'd suggest you listen to if you WANT to play that game. "I ain't the one" by NWA springs to mind.
 
rkn said:
Need some guidance from girl age. Long story short, I've been friend zoned, or rather I'm the "back up guy", no big deal, she flirted, I made a move, ran into a brick wall, it's been a bit awkward now and then, but we've mostly overcame that phase and she has now reverted to being a tease.

Up front, I'm into her, but not like before, tables have sorta turned in that respect where I've also been turning it up a little with the teasing, but 1) with kid, 2) with man. So... she often suggests I purchase her drinks, or other random things. So far I've just played it off, haven't bought her anything. Obviously she is trying to have her cake and eat it too, but what's a guy to do?
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Yeah, the power levels are definitely skewed here. You have to switch up the balance and change positions here if you want to get her. Make yourself the grand prize.

1)If she texts/calls next time, tell her youre busy and reschedule for another day.

Or....

2) Tell her you ought to meet up soon some time. When she responds, tell her "to call/text you next time shes free in the evening", and "optionally you'll text her if you find some spare time in the upcoming period". Establish yourself as the prize, and make her chase you. Wait for her to write back. If she doesnt she obviously isnt that into you.

3)Next time you meet Act lightly flirty - escalate to sexual flirting - but be distant every time she plays along, briefly stop, naturally pull away, and revert away from her attention, then back again. Denyingly tease her.

4)If she starts causing drama ignore it, and turn, face your body away from her. Optionally talk to the closest friend/person next to you.

5)When worse comes to worse, you can:

5a) Make her your lady friend.

5b) Move on.

Just some ideas. Depends on how you handle them though.

EDIT: You can also combine 1)&2) if you want to.

EDIT 2: Question: how intimate have you been with this girl?
 
regarding the sweaty guy, i WAS also a sweaty guy despite being slim and in good shape. i'm just naturally hairy and therefore quite sweaty. no deodorant has ever really done it for me.

but in the UK we have a health store called boots, so i went there and after some advice from a friend picked up a roll on substance called dryclor. here it is:

http://www.boots.com/en/Driclor-Solution-Roll-On-Applicator_22023/

put that on just before you go to bed and boom, you won't sweat from your armpits in like 2 weeks MINIMUM.

i mean you still sweat from other places but that shit doesn't smell like nasty BO so you can handle it. not sure if you have that bottle in america but there's probs something quite similar to it. check it out!
 
rkn said:
Need some guidance from girl age. Long story short, I've been friend zoned, or rather I'm the "back up guy", no big deal, she flirted, I made a move, ran into a brick wall, it's been a bit awkward now and then, but we've mostly overcame that phase and she has now reverted to being a tease.

Up front, I'm into her, but not like before, tables have sorta turned in that respect where I've also been turning it up a little with the teasing, but 1) with kid, 2) with man. So... she often suggests I purchase her drinks, or other random things. So far I've just played it off, haven't bought her anything. Obviously she is trying to have her cake and eat it too, but what's a guy to do?
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Not buy her shit.
 
Omegasquash said:
Restaurant, store, student lounge (since it sounds like you're a student), cafe, elevator...wherever. Maybe there are also group gatherings focused on your area of interest that are out there. Not sure if it'll work TODAY, but there it is, anyway.

@RKN: Schlep is on the money, here. She's asking you to buy her shit. I'd avoid a relationship that's straight up transaction based, personally. If they're after the dollars, there are a few late 80's early 90's rap tracks that I'd suggest you listen to if you WANT to play that game. "I ain't the one" by NWA springs to mind.
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This brings up a point that some guys never figure out. Stop taking girls out on whirlwind dates early on. You take them out like that a few times, buy them stuff and then get mad when they dump you out of the blue. Put yourself in their shoes, some dude is offering to take them to fancy restaurants, concerts, trips, and buying me stuff. Of course she is going to say yes regardless if she likes you are not. Keep it simple and cheap early on. Only spend that kind of dough on a girl when she is worth it, when she means something.

I used to have the cheapest dates. Hanging out at a bar, watching a movie on DVD, going to the zoo, something where I knew that it wasn't about the date activity, it was about us spending time together.
 
BronzeWolf said:
hahaha I am at the fucking top of my game Bro. It's just that telling my crew (mostly girls) about this, is just really a pain in the ass. But I have to do it, or they will be asking nonstop later
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Rock on BroWolf.

Yeah good move on that, it might be tiring but at least it'll open your options faster, with more available prey for a hungry wolf anyway.
 
Hylian7 said:
.....You were just saying you had a breakup and had to go out and meet women sometime. Unless you just have some women stuffed in a closet somewhere, I'm not sure how you can possibly "brb" for that right now.

Maybe there's some subtle joke I'm missing here.
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I have one girl on my sight for a serious relationship.
I have 2 or 3 girls constantly seeking attention from me on Facebook that I can just activate and get some no strings attached
 
BronzeWolf said:
I have one girl on my sight for a serious relationship.
I have 2 or 3 girls constantly seeking attention from me on Facebook that I can just activate and get some no strings attached
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Again I say, SHIT I WANT MY SON TO KNOW. I didn't think like this when I was a younger man, and while I don't regret how life's turned out at all (I have in my opinion a smoking hot wife, a fine-ass job and a wonderful son with another on the way), it sure as shit would have helped me during those down times in college.

And to anyone that cares...I met my wife while I was in the process of ending a three year relationship with a bitch that treated me like what I just called her. Sometimes you need to be brought down to jump back up.
 
Whenever I imagine BronzeWolf talking to an attractive woman, I imagine an episode of Animal Planet or National Geographic narrated by Steve Irwin (R.I.P) about wild life reproduction.
 
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