Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Minamu said:
Does that apply to dance floor grinding etc too? I'm trying to operate on the assumption that she is already interested and this could help :)
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No. Girls will dance with someone just to dance. If she's extremely into it and seems like she's really going the extra mile on the dance floor, then maybe. But I would avoid equating dance-grinding with being dtf.

Any particular protips for dating shy girls? (as in she's actually shy, doesn't just say she's shy). I'm putting moves on her but I want her to feel comfortable, not dominated. (or rather, comfortably dominated)
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Take her somewhere isolated or at least calm. She probably won't enjoy being at a busy club or a loud bar or a sports stadium. Being in a crowded place would probably just make her uncomfortable. I think a coffee date or something in that vein would be ideal. Let her set the pace to an extent. If she feels like she's being forced into something then, in my experience with shy girls, she won't timidly follow along but will rather retract and become very distant. It may be helpful to just have an upfront conversation with her about how she feels and what not. A shy girl won't just volunteer that kind of information, so she might be glad that you asked and are showing interest in knowing.
 
BronzeWolf said:
Let her introduce you to her friends. She OWES you that
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We met up to study for an exam, and before we even got to our table, I asked her where she got an item she had on her and it was from her boyfriend. So I didn't even get a chance to tell her that I was interested in her!

I don't know if she owes me anything under those circumstances.
 
OrangeGrayBlue said:
Take her somewhere isolated or at least calm. She probably won't enjoy being at a busy club or a loud bar or a sports stadium. Being in a crowded place would probably just make her uncomfortable. I think a coffee date or something in that vein would be ideal. Let her set the pace to an extent. If she feels like she's being forced into something then, in my experience with shy girls, she won't timidly follow along but will rather retract and become very distant. It may be helpful to just have an upfront conversation with her about how she feels and what not. A shy girl won't just volunteer that kind of information, so she might be glad that you asked and are showing interest in knowing.
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All of that sounds very right. She commented often about how busy the restaurant was, and that might not have actually clicked into my mind before you made that comment, thanks!

Seems like the 2nd date may be going in exactly the right direction too, calmer environment that she brought up.

And you're right about retraction and becoming distant. Well, lots of girls do that instead of up front saying to a guy they're not interested.

Thanks again.
 
Negator said:
We met up to study for an exam, and before we even got to our table, I asked her where she got an item she had on her and it was from her boyfriend. So I didn't even get a chance to tell her that I was interested in her!

I don't know if she owes me anything under those circumstances.
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I wish it was federal law that all girls disclose whether or not they have a BF in the first few sentences of dialog. It would make everything so much simpler
 
I know it's been asked here before about where to go out alone, Lone Wolf-style, to meet ladies. Well this past Saturday, I went alone to MegaCon here in Orlando to get Stan Lee's signature and to check out the event.

None of my friends wanted to go (either busy doing other things, or just not interested in the event), and it's not an event my wife & 3yr old daugher would enjoy. So I went by myself and had a great time.

Let me tell you, it's easy to strike up a convo with strangers at an event like this, where's there a good chance you have somehting in common. While I was waiting in line to buy a ticket to get Stan Lee's signature, there was like hot lady in line next to me, all by herself. So I just started talking to her about MegaCon, Stan Lee, and what cosplay pictures she took. We ended up chatting for close to 2hrs while buying a ticket / waiting to get Stan's sig. I could've easily got her number, and made plans for that night.

Talked to other girls while checking out booths, walking around MegaCon, and even chatted up a group of 4 girls while waiting for the buses to take us back to the parking lot. Too easy.

Now, I'm married (which I made clear) and not looking for some side pussy. So there was no pressure/goal to meet someone at MegaCon. But Saturday could've been been a great day for new prospects if I was still a bachelor.

Just an FYI for those of you looking for places/events to meet ladies by yourself. Know what's going on in your city, and take advantage of it.
 
LosDaddie said:
I know it's been asked here before about where to go out alone, Lone Wolf-style, to meet ladies. Well this past Saturday, I went alone to MegaCon here in Orlando to get Stan Lee's signature and to check out the event.

None of my friends wanted to go (either busy doing other things, or just not interested in the event), and it's not an event my wife & 3yr old daugher would enjoy. So I went by myself and had a great time.

Let me tell you, it's easy to strike up a convo with strangers at an event like this, where's there a good chance you have somehting in common. While I was waiting in line to buy a ticket to get Stan Lee's signature, there was like hot lady in line next to me, all by herself. So I just started talking to her about MegaCon, Stan Lee, and what cosplay pictures she took. We ended up chatting for close to 2hrs while buying a ticket / waiting to get Stan's sig. I could've easily got her number, and made plans for that night.

Talked to other girls while checking out booths, walking around MegaCon, and even chatted up a group of 4 girls while waiting for the buses to take us back to the parking lot. Too easy.

Now, I'm married (which I made clear) and not looking for some side pussy. So there was no pressure/goal to meet someone at MegaCon. But Saturday could've been been a great day for new prospects if I was still a bachelor.

Just an FYI for those of you looking for places/events to meet ladies by yourself. Know what's going on in your city, and take advantage of it.
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I think that's the key phrase here.

This is just in my opinion so I don't know if anyone else agrees. But the fact you are already taken probably makes you exude that much more confidence. You got nothing to lose at this point.

I can relate it to one of my friends. In the 6-7 years I've known him he has never had game what so ever but all of a sudden he found himself a serious girlfriend last year and boom he's able to chat up anyone and has been wingmanning like crazy for all of us single dudes.
 
Then I'd follow LosDaddie's and your friend's path and do the same. It's really not hard to put yourself in that "I got nothing to lose so I don't give a fuck" mentality, single or not. It certainly helps me.
 
Negator said:
We met up to study for an exam, and before we even got to our table, I asked her where she got an item she had on her and it was from her boyfriend. So I didn't even get a chance to tell her that I was interested in her!

I don't know if she owes me anything under those circumstances.
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Just ask

Minamu said:
Does that apply to dance floor grinding etc too? I'm trying to operate on the assumption that she is already interested and this could help :)
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Does not apply to dance floor. I am talking about dry humping:making out
 
Going to hang out with another girl who's hanging out in boston for a day. :>

way cuter than the last girl but she doesn't live nearby. Gonna see how that goes but I kind of like the girl I was with yesterday a lot, though we're not a thing yet.
 
Tess3ract said:
Going to hang out with another girl who's hanging out in boston for a day. :>

way cuter than the last girl but she doesn't live nearby. Gonna see how that goes but I kind of like the girl I was with yesterday a lot, though we're not a thing yet.
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Then ram it till she's 6 ways from sunday
 
Love going to the universitys gym. So much good looking women there! I think it's also pretty useful since you start automatically familiarizing people who go there often which makes it easier to start getting to know new people.

Also today at the gym bumped into a blonde who I've talked a couple of times at student parties. She came to talk to me and we had a nice chat. She asked me stuff like when I usually go to the gym and do I come here often etc. Seems like a cool girl.

Also I think the singer girl has a pretty big crush on me. She's on a trip, but keeps texting and calling me every day and says stuff like she misses me and wants me to be there etc. And we've only hung out like 3-4 times. She is pretty cool and has a great sense of humor, but still not sure about her. The clingyness makes me a bit uneasy and I don't feel like being exclusive to anyone at this point. I should probably tell her this next time we see, but it's gonna be hard.
 
Kave_Man said:
I think that's the key phrase here.

This is just in my opinion so I don't know if anyone else agrees. But the fact you are already taken probably makes you exude that much more confidence. You got nothing to lose at this point.

I can relate it to one of my friends. In the 6-7 years I've known him he has never had game what so ever but all of a sudden he found himself a serious girlfriend last year and boom he's able to chat up anyone and has been wingmanning like crazy for all of us single dudes.
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That's true, but I'm also older now (I'll be 32 this year). So I've been in the game longer than most GAFers, and know what's up.

I guess the point I was trying to make was for Single-GAF to pay attention to the events happening in your city, and take advantage of them. Especially events where gamer/nerd-girls will be at, like a ComicCon. And it's easy to strike up a convo because of the event. The hot lady I was in the Stan Lee line with was very flirtatious, touchy, and was just having a good time. That was a hook-up waiting to happen, but I'm married. It was fun to flirt with her though. :)
 
I think I'm going to set a goal for myself: Try to get a date by this Friday. Note the date itself doesn't to happen then, just one has to be somewhere on the calendar by then.
 
slopeslider said:
I Think I'll try to get a date by this Friday* as well.

What are you going to do to make it happen?
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The point of setting a goal in the first place is to force myself to approach and talk to women I find attractive instead of just thinking about it and not doing it (which happened at least three times today).
 
hipgnosis said:
Love going to the universitys gym. So much good looking women there! I think it's also pretty useful since you start automatically familiarizing people who go there often which makes it easier to start getting to know new people.
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This is so true. My buddy made me go to the university gym last year. While I was resistant at first, it is actually pretty awesome there.

And surprisingly non-judgmental, which was always kind of a fear of mine. Unfortunately, I have no classes this semester, so I'm not at campus, but you better believe I'm going back next semester. Surprisingly awesome.

And all the girls wear yoga pants or shorts or whatever you wanna call it. It's awesome.
 
low-G said:
Any particular protips for dating shy girls? (as in she's actually shy, doesn't just say she's shy). I'm putting moves on her but I want her to feel comfortable, not dominated. (or rather, comfortably dominated)
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This article was by far one of the best things I learned about shy women. I'm trying to start seeing a shy girl myself, so you really do have to approach it differently than with a usual [college-aged] hoe.

Be prepared to take things really slow (especially breaking the touch barrier), and do not go in for the kiss before the third date unless she gives an unequivocal sign that she wants it.
 
So my ex and i are back in contact a bit and she has asked me to come for a swim with her at the pool (she is trying to lose weight and she has a problem with fluid build up in her ankles, and back problems so swimming is good for her). I know everyone is probably going to say it's a huge mistake trying to get back with her but after 4 years i really care about her.

I wasn't intending to enter into any relationships until i have fixed my own problems anyway so it's not like it will be holding me back from other relationships.

I think i will just go into this casually as a friend and see where it takes me. I'm not going to put any expectations on her and i'll see what she wants. While it's happening i'll just keep working on improving myself as i guess that's all you can ever do.
 
Etrian Oddity said:
This article was by far one of the best things I learned about shy women. I'm trying to start seeing a shy girl myself, so you really do have to approach it differently than with a usual [college-aged] hoe.

Be prepared to take things really slow (especially breaking the touch barrier), and do not go in for the kiss before the third date unless she gives an unequivocal sign that she wants it.
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Good tips, as a shy girl myself I can definitely say that the advice is sound. A little patience and reassurance goes a long way.

Btw this is my first post in the dating age so hello everyone
 
God dammit I feel like that GAF-Man comic now.

I went to the on campus cafeteria to eat today, tons of hot women everywhere, and I didn't approach a single one. I had no idea how to strike up a conversation. Fuck, this is hopeless.
 
Hylian7 said:
God dammit I feel like that GAF-Man comic now.

I went to the on campus cafeteria to eat today, tons of hot women everywhere, and I didn't approach a single one. I had no idea how to strike up a conversation. Fuck, this is hopeless.
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"Hey there watcha having for lunch? That looks good.
Also, hi! My name is Hylian. What's your name?"
 
AdventureRacing said:
So my ex and i are back in contact a bit and she has asked me to come for a swim with her at the pool (she is trying to lose weight and she has a problem with fluid build up in her ankles, and back problems so swimming is good for her). I know everyone is probably going to say it's a huge mistake trying to get back with her but after 4 years i really care about her.

I wasn't intending to enter into any relationships until i have fixed my own problems anyway so it's not like it will be holding me back from other relationships.

I think i will just go into this casually as a friend and see where it takes me. I'm not going to put any expectations on her and i'll see what she wants. While it's happening i'll just keep working on improving myself as i guess that's all you can ever do.
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You were together 4 years ago, or you were together 4 years and separated recently?


I don't know. 4 years is a long time. People can change a lot in that time. I've heard of many ex's who were away for years, got into contact when they were different people and hit it off. Sometimes shit doesn't work out because life is in the way. Sometimes feelings return.



I'm going through the same thing. I'm on a 3-4 month binder from seeing her. She initiated contact recently, wanted to go out, I was reluctant. She didn't call back. Either she got scared or just didn't care enough. But shit is so fresh, that I a know what the problems in our relationship, and it was not me. So I know she needs to make the right initiative to fix what was broken (by her).

I don't know. Some people would say that you can't rationalize when dealing with love. You just have to go with it, and keep your dignity as much as you can. Then again, seeing someone you love again, is like opening a wound. Particularly if she is going after other guys and is completely over you. But I don't know. Can't give advice.
Just thoughts.
 
Hylian7 said:
God dammit I feel like that GAF-Man comic now.

I went to the on campus cafeteria to eat today, tons of hot women everywhere, and I didn't approach a single one. I had no idea how to strike up a conversation. Fuck, this is hopeless.
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same boat, I don't even know how to start a conversation with any girl
 
Hylian7 said:
I know, it sounds so simple, yet in practice it feels like it's so complicated.
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Just don't think it as it would be complicated. It is as simple as it sounds it is. Try not to think about the gender too much. Just approach as relaxed as you would go to talk with any male basicly.

Chibits12 said:
I haven't gone dating for a couple of years now...

I've got to get back into dating again. Let's see what happens this week.
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Keep us updated darling. You will do just fine. We have faith in you.

Megidolaon said:
Good tips, as a shy girl myself I can definitely say that the advice is sound. A little patience and reassurance goes a long way.

Btw this is my first post in the dating age so hello everyone
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Hello and welcome sweetie.

People are generally absolutely adorable in here. Just don't let the boys eat you alive.
 
Hylian7 said:
I know, it sounds so simple, yet in practice it feels like it's so complicated.
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Yeah it is pretty tough in practice. The last time (and the only time...) I asked a girl out I was mentally yelling affirmations in my mind just to silence my inner critic for a couple of seconds. I was basically fighting my own brain. There was a part that was saying "You're going to fuck this up! Don't do it!" and another part was saying "Go for it! So what if you screw this up or get rejected. It's not the end of the world."

On a side note, I read your posts in Satan's voice.
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It does have that effect on people.
 
Hylian7 said:
God dammit I feel like that GAF-Man comic now.

I went to the on campus cafeteria to eat today, tons of hot women everywhere, and I didn't approach a single one. I had no idea how to strike up a conversation. Fuck, this is hopeless.
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You'll be fine I'm sure.

I wish I could make amend to things during my college years.
 
Etrian Oddity said:
This article was by far one of the best things I learned about shy women. I'm trying to start seeing a shy girl myself, so you really do have to approach it differently than with a usual [college-aged] hoe.

Be prepared to take things really slow (especially breaking the touch barrier), and do not go in for the kiss before the third date unless she gives an unequivocal sign that she wants it.
Click to expand...
Megidolaon said:
Good tips, as a shy girl myself I can definitely say that the advice is sound. A little patience and reassurance goes a long way.

Btw this is my first post in the dating age so hello everyone
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I think this advice while not shitty, is very ineffective and incomplete. There is no difference between shy girls and regular girls. Kino Escalation ladder works the same on all of them. Shy girls are just regular girls with AntiSlut defenses up to the sky. They break down just the same as normal girls, you just have to go back the steps many many times.

Hi Megidolaon, don't take it personal, I just like to spread the shit around.

Sadetar said:
People are generally absolutely adorable in here. Just don't let the boys eat you alive.
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Maybe I want to eat her NOW!

Hylian7 said:
God dammit I feel like that GAF-Man comic now.

I went to the on campus cafeteria to eat today, tons of hot women everywhere, and I didn't approach a single one. I had no idea how to strike up a conversation. Fuck, this is hopeless.
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You don't have to do it NOW, you don't become casanova over night! pace yourself, let yourself breath and congratulate on what you HAVE accomplished. Distract yourself for a while and then take another step. You are going to get it, trust me.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
It's like one psychotic guy.
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image.php




Just kidding of course, but too easy.
 
BronzeWolf said:
You don't have to do it NOW, you don't become casanova over night! pace yourself, let yourself breath and congratulate on what you HAVE accomplished. Distract yourself for a while and then take another step. You are going to get it, trust me.
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The thing is I really WANT to do it now though. I don't feel like I've accomplished that much.
 
This chick I know has been a jerk for years, long story. Always talks trash about me, bunch of stuff. Doesn't really try to keep contact. I stop caring and recently found out I'm moving in September. Now I've been getting messages saying I never keep contact.

Women, lol.
 
BronzeWolf said:
I think this advice while not shitty, is very ineffective and incomplete. There is no difference between shy girls and regular girls. Kino Escalation ladder works the same on all of them. Shy girls are just regular girls with AntiSlut defenses up to the sky. They break down just the same as normal girls, you just have to go back the steps many many times.
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Have you ever been a shy or socially awkward/anxious girl? No? Then the advice in that link is actually pretty good. I don't know what this "kino" or "AntiSlut defenses" stuff is you're talking about, but if you come on too strong or the wrong way you're just going to scare her off or make her more distant and uncomfortable.
 
This is probably not the best place to ask this...

But what do I do when multiple women are trying to get with me, but I don't find any of them attractive?

I am really nice to them, but they keep getting the wrong idea. Just not the type of girls I am interested in. I do not want to upset them.
 
Sean2 said:
This is probably not the best place to ask this...

But what do I do when multiple women are trying to get with me, but I don't find any of them attractive?

I am really nice to them, but they keep getting the wrong idea. Just not the type of girls I am interested in. I do not want to upset them.
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Stop responding to their advances, or just straight up tell them you aren't interested?
 
That feel when you're crushing hard about a girl locally, and a previous girl who i was crushing on before in another state finally reciprocates feelings towards me that she likes me.

Yup.

The local girl is coming over, and the girl in another state just texted me basically saying she was horny. THAT FEEL
 
Sean2 said:
This is probably not the best place to ask this...

But what do I do when multiple women are trying to get with me, but I don't find any of them attractive?

I am really nice to them, but they keep getting the wrong idea. Just not the type of girls I am interested in. I do not want to upset them.
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Be clingy, show them attention, shower them with praise. Bet you that'll turn them off and they'll leave you alone.
 
Miguel said:
"You're like a sister to me"
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I was thinking about using this, but it won't work. They are under the impression that I want more.

Two of them were feeling down about something, and I tried to make them feel better by complimenting them/calling them attractive (both were on separate occasions).

Sorry if this sounds incredibly egocentric, I am trying to play this off the right way, because I know how this feels on the other side and I don't want them to feel all depressed and shit.


jasonng said:
Be clingy, show them attention, shower them with praise. Bet you that'll turn them off.
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No! I did this but it made everything worse!

You have to understand, I played therapist for girls all through high school and I was under the impression that I was still assuming the role of "unattractive guy in my friend zone".
 
Tess3ract said:
That feel when you're crushing hard about a girl locally, and a previous girl who i was crushing on before in another state finally reciprocates feelings towards me that she likes me.

Yup.

The local girl is coming over, and the girl in another state just texted me basically saying she was horny. THAT FEEL
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Oh. That must be an odd feel, bruh.

Your feels must be so torn apart right now.

*ahem*

If I was in your situation I would focus my attention on the local girl because A) She's closer and B) She doesn't seem to be as indecisive as the girl that's out of state. I mean, that seems kind of odd that she just now reciprocates feelings towards you while she's out of state.

Edit: Unless there's something else you forget to mention.
 
Sean2 said:
I was thinking about using this, but it won't work. They are under the impression that I want more.

Two of them were feeling down about something, and I tried to make them feel better by complimenting them/calling them attractive (both were on separate occasions).

Sorry if this sounds incredibly egocentric, I am trying to play this off the right way, because I know how this feels on the other side and I don't want them to feel all depressed and shit.




No! I did this but it made everything worse!

You have to understand, I played therapist for girls all through high school and I was under the impression that I was still assuming the role of "unattractive guy in my friend zone".
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Will they leave you alone if you got a girlfriend?
 
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