Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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You are assuming they failed. Why do you assume my relationships failed?

Speaking in a general sense. Did they? It sounds by your tone they did.


Spoken like a true girl. Men do ourselves a favor when we rationalize why we are with a girl. It's in the open:
- She is hot
- She is responsible
- She is not crazy
- She is smart.
yadda yadda.
Girls don't do that. It's all internal, it's all in "chemistry". Yeah, but we are men here, not women.

Spoken like a true sexist without a clue.


So if I feel like killing you, should I tell you that? Dudes feel like telling girls they love them just 3 seconds after seeing them. It's not about hiding, but pacing. You don't want to be ahead of the relationship, you want both to go at the same pace. Many times it's the man who is waaaay ahead of her. That is just a relationship ender.

Do you often feel like killing your girlfriends duder?


Because relationships are freacking nice? Because putting yourself out there does not mean putting yourself under.

If you're not in it for the long haul why are you bothering to call them anything but friends with benefits? You know you could just be open and honest about that too.


How do you know if he hasn't opened up? Can you read minds?

Yeah it's so hard to tell when someone is being passive aggressive and unwilling to communicate.
 
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What is the fucking point in breaking down someone's post sentence by sentence just because they don't share the same philosophy as you do when it comes to dating? Neither of you are going to change minds.
 
Why does everybody get so fucking defensive when you cross the 3 month dating barrier? It's the "No true Scotsman" fallacy all over fucking again!
No clue what you're talking about with 3 month thing. Or why on earth you brought up the No True Scotsman Fallacy, but okay. Moving on...


("yeah it MIGHT work on whore girls but not on MY GIRLS") THINK for a little bit!
When did I say anything about whores? Or say my girls weren't better than other girls, or make any sort of judgement? That's right, I didn't. Again, I'm just baffled by your response.


You don't own girls once they are in a relationship with you.
I never said anything about owning girls, so I'm baffled by that comment as well.


They are free to resent you the moment she doubts you are her best option. And her best option will always be someone that is confident and can leave them if they do bullshit.
I never said that a woman's best option isn't someone who is confident and can leave them for bullshit. Again, baffled.

Just because you are dating someone and you are at the 6-12 month mark, doesn't mean her doubt of you being the absolute best option for her stops lingering in her mind.
6-12 month mark? When did I mention any sort of time frame? Baffled.

You fail to recognize that at your own fucking risk of becoming a pussy whipped sex starved husband.
Who said anything about getting married?
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I am not saying you don't tell her you love her? Are you fucking kidding me? When did I ever said that.
You are saying basically "Don't tell her you love her...(unless she says it first)."


Stop attacking strawmen.
Now, after that irrational, illogical, putting-words-in-my-mouthical response to my post, at the end you tell me to stop attacking strawmen. I find that really fucking funny, you have no idea. Now if you'd care to address the things I actually said, then we'll be able to communicate with each other.
 
Speaking in a general sense. Did they? It sounds by your tone they did.
I am going to let the doubt linger

Spoken like a true sexist without a clue.
WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN. deal with it.
Soooo many times a girl has told me "it's all chemistry" and then I just tell them step by step how I got them into me and they are shocked and appalled. They can't believe there is a method, and that it works, even on them. But for girls, it's just chemistry. I don't care. It's like a magic show. I am the magician, I know the work behind the tricks. Girls are the audience, and their job is to enjoy, or feel the chemistry.

You keep telling me names. I don't think they mean what you think they mean

If you're not in it for the long haul why are you bothering to call them anything but friends with benefits? You know you could just be open and honest about that too.
Because you don't know a person in 3 weeks or 3 months. Even a year. Even the best things disappear, and a healthy man has to realize that.

Yeah it's so hard to tell when someone is being passive aggressive and unwilling to communicate.
Passive aggressive means he is unhappy with the relationship. Maybe I am happy, but I want to keep you on edge. There is no need to be an asshole about it though.
 
So it seems Devo has entered the thread.
Shit just got real.


Spoken like a true girl. Men do ourselves a favor when we rationalize why we are with a girl. It's in the open:
- She is hot
- She is responsible
- She is not crazy
- She is smart.
yadda yadda.
Girls don't do that. It's all internal, it's all in "chemistry". Yeah, but we are men here, not women.

This may well be true for some of the more simple girls out there, but I'm pretty sure a lot of women also know what they like in a man. Mostly his ability to make them laugh (#1 reason why girls are with certain guys in my experience) and his confidence.


As an actual woman who's been in a couple relationships I can tell you you're full of shit.
You are biased towards your own actions, feelings and thoughts. Plus, a sample size of one really isn't anything to call home about.
I'd say a man's experience with multiple women easily trumps your own experience with yourself.
The power dynamic is not as extreme as our resident drill instructor says it is, but it certainly exists, whether you like it or not. Women are attracted to confidence and power, and guys who are too outspoken about their feelings and weaknesses often end up being dumped because they are "whimps".
If they do it too early, they mostly end up insta-friendzoned.


Edit: Well fuck. Hope it wasn't perma, I liked his drill instructor persona.
What exactly did he say that was ban-worthy?
 
This may well be true for some of the more simple lasses out there, but I'm pretty sure a lot of women also know what they like in a man. Mostly his ability to make them laugh (#1 reason why girls are with certain guys in my experience) and his confidence.

I'd be careful.
 
Wait... So it was over, before it even started? Good. Well Im relieved, now we can finally get some peace.

So this thread can finally start reverting back into Dating-Age instead of PUA-Age?

Oh, hey hey.. dont go stoneing people here. Thats just mean.

Theres room for everyone in this thread.
 
Damn, what a battle.

I don't know if it was how it is being stated here or if the meaning was lost, but PUA stuff seems pretty demeaning when I hear it being discussed. I don't think it has a place in this thread considering how it purposefully goes out of its way to objectify and categorize women. It also seems to advocate a certain mindset I find awfully disingenuous where the man doesn't seem interested in the girl at all, and only sees her as a means to an end and uses shoddy tricks to get his way.
 
Well, I think this has just turned out to be interesting.

Stephen-Colbert-Popcorn.gif

This was my reaction at the ban.

So this thread can finally start reverting back into Dating-Age instead of PUA-Age?

Agreed. I was kind of getting annoyed by the "you own women" attitude in here.


Just want to get a quick opinion here on this. You guys probably remember the story about me getting cockblocked last week. Well I was observing the girl and guy after my Calculus class the past few days and have noticed that he is definitely flirting with her hardcore, but she doesn't seem to be actively seeking it out herself. This could be because A. She's just shy (she did kind of get red in the face when that whole thing happened last week), or B. She thinks he's a douchebag.

Either way, should I try to go for it when the guy isn't around or not? I'm kind of leaning toward no, but I want to get an opinion on this.

While I'm at it, I'd like more opinions on this.
 
I'm trying to figure out if I should bother trying for this friend of mine that is newly single. I've already known her for years and we're really good friends because when we met she had been with her bf at the time for 3 years? Something like that. She's had some other short-lived relationships since then but they weren't serious at all and were probably just trying to cope with that long relationship coming to an end.

Anyway, I suspect we're just far too comfortable with each other for there to be any proper attraction and she's been quite the drama magnet this last year. Example of comfortable: She has grabbed my ass or sat on my lap at every party we've been at together for the last year or more except for one when she was pissed at me.

EDIT: lol, maybe I posted this at a bad time for this thread
Haha. Perhaps quite bad time for you.

But well, you are totally on a friendzone, but it is possible to get out of there.

She is familiar with you and seems to feel generally comfortable around you. Those are both good things. It is also actually positive, that she has grabbed your ass. I mean I do that also to my male friends, but only to the ones I think are seriously cute. At least she don't think you are unattractive in my opinion.

If she has had anough drama and short sex relationships after the break of the long relationship, I don't see why you wouldn't make your move. If I were you, I would most likely just cut the crap and ask her to a date. You can't seriously even manage to strike as a creeper, cause she already knows you.

Just bare in mind, that if you fail the relationship, you will lost that good friend of yours.
 
Damn, what a battle.

I don't know if it was how it is being stated here or if the meaning was lost, but PUA stuff seems pretty demeaning when I hear it being discussed. I don't think it has a place in this thread considering how it purposefully goes out of its way to objectify and categorize women. It also seems to advocate a certain mindset I find awfully disingenuous where the man doesn't seem interested in the girl at all, and only sees her as a means to an end.
I think PU is pretty disgusting at its core, but then again girls seem to like those guys, or how else do you explain their success? Can't really be mad at guys doing what works, I'd do it too if I had the confidence. If you want to blame anyone, blame those women who reward this kind of behavior. If every woman told those slimebags to fuck off, we wouldn't have any PUAs, anywhere.

Also, don't be naive. Women do categorize men by looks too. I've overheard it in conversations among girls quite a few times.
 
^Yes, they do. There's not THAT much difference between men and women at the core of all this dating-stuff ya know ;)

You are biased towards your own actions, feelings and thoughts. Plus, a sample size of one really isn't anything to call home about.
I'd say a man's experience with multiple women easily trumps your own experience with yourself.
The power dynamic is not as extreme as our resident drill instructor says it is, but it certainly exists, whether you like it or not. Women are attracted to confidence and power, and guys who are too outspoken about their feelings and weaknesses often end up being dumped because they are "whimps".
If they do it too early, they mostly end up insta-friendzoned.
Sorrrrry, another 'actual girl' here. I'll admit to dumping guys who have put their feelings all out in the open (and am prepared for the onslaught which may follow this post), but that alone wasn't the reason I dumped the guy. It was because it was at that point it was clear to me we wanted completely different things. I had a great time with him, but at the beginning I was open about not being sure if it was going anywhere/I wasn't committing to anything serious straight away.
However, in my current relationship I'm the one who is holding back a little. I love this guy to death but am (at 8 months) worried about coming across as a bunny boiler if I drop the L-word. Mainly because I love what we have now and want things to stay the same for a while. I'm not in a rush to spend the res tof my life with somebody right now. Nonetheless I'd be happy for it to be him and I say this after quite a promiscuous past.
I'm not exactly an expert, but I've been at every end of this stick and it boils down to this:

Male OR female if you are up front from the beginning about what you want with a particular person then that's all you can do. If you want a casual booty call now and then or if you want to meet the love of your life - all you can do is give it a shot. If it doesn't work pick yourself up and carry on. It's not nice to think you'll 'end up alone', but communication is key here. Just remember - everybody is different and not just by definition of gender.

This thread is the one I've lurked the most in and some comments have made me ashamed of my sex (I hate the way some women think they are better than a guy and can treat him like shit). Then again, not all guys are perfect either. The 'battle of the sexes' seriously needs to stop - no wonder there's so much confusion in the dating game!! JUST RELAX DATING-GAF!!

Apologies, this might be out of place for a mere Junior, but despite my Gaf status I've actually been interested in the psychology and practicalities of sex and dating for a while. Sorry for the rant too.
 
Also, don't be naive. Women do categorize men by looks too. I've overheard it in conversations among girls quite a few times.
Oh, of course, women categorize men by looks. I'd be lying if I didn't take looks into consideration myself. I was talking more about the whole mindset of PUA in general, which seems to forgo honesty and relies upon trickery and deceit.

For me, I'm probably honest to a fault (could be one of the many reasons I've never dated), but that's why the PUA thing doesn't sit well with me.
 
Oh, of course, women categorize men by looks. I'd be lying if I didn't take looks into consideration myself. I was talking more about the whole mindset of PUA in general, which seems to forgo honesty and relies upon trickery and deceit.

For me, I'm probably honest to a fault (could be one of the many reasons I've never dated), but that's why the PUA thing doesn't sit well with me.

That's what PUA bullshit is, you can be a bachelor and have casual sex without being a lying sack of deceitful shit.
 
Apparently a friend texted this girl I was about to ask out that i was going to do it. I saw her earlier todayand tried to strike up conversation with her between classes. She was acting different that she has in the past. She kinda seemed disinterested when I tried to talk to her and walked infront of me. Is this something shyer girls will do when they are nervous? Whatvshoukd I do?

Your friend is an absolute dick and he's not your friend.

Also, there's a clear, noticeable difference between being shy and being intentionally cold. The way you put it, it sounds like the latter. Oh well, shit happens. Onto the next one, and lose the bag of dicks that cockblocked you.
 
Sorrrrry, another 'actual girl' here. I'll admit to dumping guys who have put their feelings all out in the open (and am prepared for the onslaught which may follow this post)
Pretty sure no onslaught will follow. I'm not bothered by the fact, I'm bothered by people who try obscuring the fact.



There's not THAT much difference between men and women at the core of all this dating-stuff ya know ;)
oh please
The expectations are radically different: a man practically has to be the active part, a woman can sit and wait as long as she's at least decently looking.
Shy, nervous and quiet guys mostly end up alone - I'm at a point where I can practically pick out the virgins and forever-aloners from a lineup of guys.
Shy, nervous and quiet girls don't really seem to have that big of a problem, by my experience.

It's not nice to think you'll 'end up alone'
You get used to it sometime along the line. I'm still bitter at times, but I'm strangely at peace with the idea that I may well die unloved and without children. Some casual sex may be achievable, so that's what I'm going for atm.
Better donate some sperm to keep those genes in the pool.

some comments have made me ashamed of my sex
Don't be. People in general can be assholes and society itself is pretty fucked up at times.

you can be a bachelor and have casual sex without being a lying sack of deceitful shit.
For many guys, being a lying sack of deceitful shit seems to work better.
Why else would they do it?
 
the fuck, he never even addressed my post. ah well, he was far too opinionated anyways..

anyone know (guess?) what got him banned? the cumdumpster reference?
 
I think PU is pretty disgusting at its core, but then again girls seem to like those guys, or how else do you explain their success? Can't really be mad at guys doing what works, I'd do it too if I had the confidence. If you want to blame anyone, blame those women who reward this kind of behavior. If every woman told those slimebags to fuck off, we wouldn't have any PUAs, anywhere.

Also, don't be naive. Women do categorize men by looks too. I've overheard it in conversations among girls quite a few times.

There is some pretty disgusting shit out there. Ive seen guys on "forums-that-shall-not- be-mentioned" posting intimate pictures of themselves having threesomes, writing stuff on naked girls and pretty much ego-tripping posting pictures of their "trophies".

I absolutely do not tolerate that kind of behaviour. Needless to say those things are meant to be private.

I may be into a degree of seduction, but not all of us are shameless assholes. I am an asshole, with a heart at least. Morals and ethics.

What I offer when I post my stories/experiences, is insight, for you guys to get an idea about what its like, and prepare you for those who may come trying to break your turf. If I unintentionally promoted PUA material, then I apologise. A large pile of it is shit anyway.

----

Oh shit, reading all that makes me feel "white knight"-like :I. Oh well.

Good night.
 
The power dynamic is not as extreme as our resident drill instructor says it is, but it certainly exists, whether you like it or not. Women are attracted to confidence and power, and guys who are too outspoken about their feelings and weaknesses often end up being dumped because they are "whimps".
If they do it too early, they mostly end up insta-friendzoned.

If you get dumped or dump someone, that's not the end of the world. I don't get why people are so hung up on not getting dumped. "OH MY GOD, IF I SHOW WHO I TRULY AM SHE MIGHT NOT LIKE ME ANYMORE".

GOOD. IT MEANS THAT YOU TWO SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER. Get dumped. Or do the dumping. Then move on. The sooner you find this out, by not playing silly games, the better!

I don't think all of the PUA stuff that I've come across is terrible, but most of it (whether it works or not) relies on masking insecurity. It's trying to trap the girl into a little box of games so that she can't find her way out, because deep down the PUA Gamemaster is so fucking scared she'll leave. Take this quote...

BannedWolf said:
You don't own girls once they are in a relationship with you.

Exactly! THAT'S WHAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL ABOUT IT! Communicate. Communicate everything. Communication can break the power games into a million pieces.
 
Please don't tar every girl by the standards of those you've encountered and made you feel bitter sometimes. We are not all the same. What about girls that aren't good looking and confident? What about the non-model types? I'm hardly a looker, but I don't let that stop me chatting to guys and trying. I've had to put serious effort in to find relationships AND hook ups in the past too.

It's sad when guys think they have to lie and deceive to get what they want, and yes, some of that is down to women and the way they have been treated. Like I said, you just need to remember not every woman is the same, just like not every guy is the same.

EDIT:
I totally agree with everything above regarding the dumping/showing who you truly are/shouldn't be together-ness.

No to silly games and YES to communication!

END (I need some sleep).
 
Sounds like a cool night dude.

I would never pass up the opportunity to lay an older attractive woman. They are for the most, skilled in bed gymnastics.

Next time just use something situational to talk about. Youve been to a concert. Talk about the concert to break the ice. Youve been hit on by a cougar. Briefly talk about the cougar etc. etc.
The only thing is they weren't attractive, but ah well!

In general however I'm just happy I felt pretty confident with myself throughout last night. Sure I didn't really speak to anyone, but I got positive looks from people at least.
 
If you get dumped or dump someone, that's not the end of the world. I don't get why people are so hung up on not getting dumped. "OH MY GOD, IF I SHOW WHO I TRULY AM SHE MIGHT NOT LIKE ME ANYMORE".

GOOD. IT MEANS THAT YOU TWO SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER. Get dumped. Or do the dumping. Then move on. The sooner you find this out, but not playing stupid games, the better!

I don't think all of the PUA stuff that I've come across is terrible, but most of it (whether it works or not) relies on masking insecurity. It's trying to trap the girl into a little box of games so that she can't find her way out, because deep down the PUA Gamemaster is so fucking scared she'll leave. Take this quote...

Exactly! THAT'S WHAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL ABOUT IT! Communicate. Communicate everything. Communication can break the power games into a million pieces.

Im almost willing to give you that money, you wanted, to not use on coke.
 
For many guys, being a lying sack of deceitful shit seems to work better.
Why else would they do it?

What are you asking me? Why terrible people who want sex at any and all costs are terrible? Why their bullshit causes trust issues for these people in their future relationships? Why playing games amounts to nothing more than scars and problems in relationships to come? Just because something gets you closer to fucking someone doesn't mean it should be done. I have no issue with casual sex as long as both people communicate that's what's going on. I have a big problem with those people who would hook up under false pretenses or based on deceit.
 
Oh come on. I hate it when girls play that game.
Judging by your (admittedly tiny and kinda obscured) picture, you are.

Not game playing - I'm average at best. What that pic doesn't show is: I'm tall (5'10 or just over), clumsy and a bit overweight with somewhat small boobs and chunky legs... hardly the Gaf-ideal. I dye my hair crazy colors to give me a bit of an edge but you know what, I don't NEED TO PLAY GAMES and I like to think that's because I'm open and honest (actually this post is probably too honest for a bloody internet forum) where it counts.

Don't be bitter and stop generalizing! I don't mean that to sound mean by the way it was what my original post was intending to say.


And Xun, fellow Brit, sounds good - you'll often meet people more when you don't go out intending to do just that. If your just relaxed and having a good time, that will catch people's (girls) attention more. Self confidence is a great start :)
 
The idea of PUA is fine, it really comes down to how you use it. It teaches men to be confident, to believe in yourself, and to get a feel of what to do right/wrong. All of that is great. However, I'm not a fan of lying or being deceitful. That's not who I am.

Everyone has different goals in this thread. Some are looking for relationships while others are looking for a more casual approach. You need to filter out the posts that appeal to more of what you are looking for.
 
Is it really that hard to be a bachelor and have lots of casual sex and still be honest?

i dunno, ive often thought "whats the best way to handle this situation" or "how should i reply to this text" with the end-goal of getting with the girl

as opposed to just responding how i naturally would



not to extremes or anything, and i also have high standards, which may be the difference
 
Haha. Perhaps quite bad time for you.

But well, you are totally on a friendzone, but it is possible to get out of there.

She is familiar with you and seems to feel generally comfortable around you. Those are both good things. It is also actually positive, that she has grabbed your ass. I mean I do that also to my male friends, but only to the ones I think are seriously cute. At least she don't think you are unattractive in my opinion.

If she has had anough drama and short sex relationships after the break of the long relationship, I don't see why you wouldn't make your move. If I were you, I would most likely just cut the crap and ask her to a date. You can't seriously even manage to strike as a creeper, cause she already knows you.

Just bare in mind, that if you fail the relationship, you will lost that good friend of yours.

Mm yeah, that's why I'm not sure I want to try this. I value her friendship very highly and I know she does too. Sure it would be awesome if it works out, but the potential loss kind of scares me. Previous dating has all been with girls I wasn't that familiar with. It's something I'm going to need to think about.
 
Not game playing - I'm average at best. What that pic doesn't show is: I'm tall (5'10 or just over), clumsy and a bit overweight with somewhat small boobs and chunky legs... hardly the Gaf-ideal. I dye my hair crazy colors to give me a bit of an edge but you know what, I don't NEED TO PLAY GAMES and I like to think that's because I'm open and honest (actually this post is probably too honest for a bloody internet forum) where it counts.

Don't be bitter and stop generalizing! I don't mean that to sound mean by the way it was what my original post was intending to say.


And Xun, fellow Brit, sounds good - you'll often meet people more when you don't go out intending to do just that. If your just relaxed and having a good time, that will catch people's (girls) attention more. Self confidence is a great start :)

none of that matters... but.. do you have sharp knees???

;)
 
Mm yeah, that's why I'm not sure I want to try this. I value her friendship very highly and I know she does too. Sure it would be awesome if it works out, but the potential loss kind of scares me. It's something I'm going to need to think about.
Yep. Better seriously thing about it before acting. It might not be worth the drama. I can say I miss one of my friend very much. I don't know, would I change anything, but I still do miss him.
 
Is it really that hard to be a bachelor and have lots of casual sex and still be honest?
Not really. Women like sex as much as men, sometimes even more. If they want to sleep with you, they'll sleep with you without you having to commit a litany of sneaky and sketchy moves on them.

Getting casual sex isn't about being sneaky, it's about being tasteful.
 
Not really. Women like sex as much as men, sometimes even more. I

I'm sure women like sex as much as men do, but the important part is: they are much more specific in terms of mate choice. Tons of guys will fuck any girl that's DTF and reasonably attractive. Most girls won't do that.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. I've been juniored for years now! When will you assholes FORGET and when CAN I MAKE THREADS AGAIN? ARGHHHH
It is the terrorist's law that you shall remain a junior forever.
 
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