If I didn't know better I would think this was my ex....She broke up with me via text......at the end of a 5.5 year relationship.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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If I didn't know better I would think this was my ex....She broke up with me via text......at the end of a 5.5 year relationship.
Devolution
Member
What's up with all these classy ladies breaking up via texts.
MisterNugNug
Member
Yeah the wound needs to scab over, you'll get closure with time. And she's already demonstrated how cold she is; she didn't even have the decency to talk to you in person. You're well rid of her.
AdventureRacing
Member
I know this will sound like excuses but i think a big part of the reason she did it is because she has been talked into it by her parents (they hate me and threatened to kill me and my family). Basically texts are impersonal and it makes it easier for her to just let me go. I think she would have struggled to actually leave me in person. They abused her as a child but for some reason she just can't break free of their control (not just regular abuse, they would abuse her for things talking foriegn languages or colouring stuff in or anything she enjoyed pretty much). I just can't keep fighting that anymore.
I possibly could have fought more for her but i'm just exhausted. Honestly the whole situation has left me feeling pretty down on myself. I spent the last 4 years helping her (and in general that's what i do with everyone including at my job as a nurse) and i feel more than a little dejected now.
It may sound selfish but i think maybe it's time that i just stopped thinking about other people and concentrated on myself. Even though i like helping people i think i am just running myself into the ground and for a while now i've been sinking into depression.
She had serious baggage, don't feel like you need to accept that baggage. It's important to be selfish about this sort of thing, because ultimately it's your happiness that you're trying to address.
AdventureRacing
Member
She also had depression and borderline personality but i knew these things going in. It's not so much that i feel responsible or anything (even though i do to an extent) i'm more just sad that all these things have basically caused me to lose her.
You're right that i'm taking it on board way too much. I think i just need to keep myself busy whilst i recover from the whole thing. At the moment i'm working out a few hours a day and that has helped keep my mind off everything.
MisterNugNug
Member
Four years is a long time to invest in a relationship; to be talked out of it by your parents is insane. I mean you're a Nurse (Congratulations, btw); you've got a job in the healthcare field; you could literally go anywhere in the U.S. and get position. Did you guys ever talk about moving to another city?
AdventureRacing
Member
We live in Australia and we're both nurses. We did talk about it and we were probably going to move at the end of the year (due to my current job she ended up moving in with her parents for a while which is what caused all this). There was more to it than just her parents but i think that is what made her do it in the end.
Anyway my current job is at a rural hospital and i stay in the nurses quarters during after my shifts so i won't have the internet for a few days (i only really get to check it in my days off at the moment). So i probably won't be posting in this thread for a while.
Hopefully i feel a bit different as the days go by.
Hypereides
Member
In my respect to Bronzewolf, he did offer some good advice, but on an extreme scale... which I dont find particularly effective in long term.
His personality was more like a fratboy than a real man, but hey what he does, works for him. So good for him.
Johnlenham
Member
Yeah Im agreeing with this guy, your making him out to be some kid of enemy, but in reality you are just pissed he beat you to the finish line.
I allways thought cockblocking was when you are activley getting somewhere with a girl and then somene comes in a shuts you down like one of her friends dragging her away. I wouldnt use it in this situation but its been used to try and make this guy look bad lol
End of the day just chat to her and drop in your number, If she likes you more and him less it will be pretty apparent and will save you all this "my friend says she thinks that she says that he is" rubbish.
I already knew this (the bolded), I just wasn't sure if it was intentional or not. Regardless, I won't have that class til Monday, so we will see what happens then.
Sounds like it. ^__^I always love these texts...
"I gotta say to be honest I cant wait to see u... U always make me smile n laugh!!"
Should be a good night.
Enjoy.
scar tissue
Banned
Well, good for you. It's just that some of us have to hide things perceived as worse by society than others.
Just "being yourself" may work for you if you're awesome like that, but it just doesn't work for everyone.
Barnaby_Jones
Member
Right GAF, I would like to see what you make of this series of articles that a guy I know from university has written. Personally, I don't like him very much and the article about getting laid under 5 hours has already given me and my housemates a good deal of laughs but I need some more opinions because some people apparently don't find any faults with it... I personally think some of the things the guy suggests are creepy/borderline criminal but I could just be deluded or a 'nice guy'... I'm honestly trying my best to not call the guy out as a potential rapist.
I understand different fashion styles and that people are gonna do whatever makes them feel comfortable but nail varnish, spray tans, eyeliner and applying make up before luring girls back to your house with possibly transparent promises of beer isn't the way I've ever or would ever attempt to meet women.
TheHonestBlog
GAF, are you 'SUAVVEY DEBONAIRS OF THE NIGHT.' ?
I understand different fashion styles and that people are gonna do whatever makes them feel comfortable but nail varnish, spray tans, eyeliner and applying make up before luring girls back to your house with possibly transparent promises of beer isn't the way I've ever or would ever attempt to meet women.
TheHonestBlog
GAF, are you 'SUAVVEY DEBONAIRS OF THE NIGHT.' ?
scar tissue
Banned
Guy sounds like a total douchebag and his writing style is atrocious. Grammar is terrible as well.
From what I've read, he's just repeating the age-old mantra "Nice guys don't get laid".
Gee thanks mate, like I didn't know that myself.
From what I've read, he's just repeating the age-old mantra "Nice guys don't get laid".
Gee thanks mate, like I didn't know that myself.
Hypereides
Member
Yup, douchebag fratboy. Read it too.
And seriously... not very smooth. But he does have balls, I'll give him that. Hes probably used to rejection and approach countless girls at night/a day.
His arrogance bores me.
This guys pride turned into arrogance due to probably getting laid a bit, but thats far from being confident, mature, sexy and independent. Hes still stuck somewhere in puberty working in his primitive ways to negotiate/persuade easy, inexperienced girls to sex.
lolololololol
Just saw this and think it applies to anyone stressing about not having a girlfriend, just replace the word "boyfriend" with "girlfriend," and you're set. (And, yeah, he talks fast.)
I couldn't even fucking read that because the WRITING like THIS is so fucking JARRING. Learn how emphasise by being a strong writer -- not by (over)using bolding and capitalization. My head hurts from trying to read that horseshit.
@highluxury: He might even be lying. Who knows. Who really cares.
I couldn't even fucking read that because the WRITING like THIS is so fucking JARRING. Learn how emphasise by being a strong writer -- not by (over)using bolding and capitalization. My head hurts from trying to read that horseshit.
@highluxury: He might even be lying. Who knows. Who really cares.
Vermillion
Banned
I love this dude! I haven't seen one of his videos in forever, though.
Con one or two inexperienced girls into sleeping with you and immediately regretting it, think you're some sort of international megaplayboy as a result and write a vapid preschool blog post about how much of a player you are. Huh, I wonder why he doesn't have much experience with anything other than one night stands?
Barnaby_Jones
Member
hahaha, just the sort of responses I expected to be honest.
Like I say, I know this cocky waste of chromosomes and I think it's even worse that he's studying Journalism & Broadcasting along with myself. From personal experience of seeing him 'in his element', I've yet to see him have much success with any living person with an IQ in double figures.
He was also in the UK show 'Shipwrecked' this series if you want to watch and listen to his cockiness although I wouldn't really advise it if you have a little faith left in humanity. I think that is probably the main cause of his success in regards to getting women and I've actually just got confirmation off one of my housemates that is the angle he takes... What an idiot.
EDIT: As if I got a response off the big man himself! Is it sad that it made me grin Evillore?
Like I say, I know this cocky waste of chromosomes and I think it's even worse that he's studying Journalism & Broadcasting along with myself. From personal experience of seeing him 'in his element', I've yet to see him have much success with any living person with an IQ in double figures.
He was also in the UK show 'Shipwrecked' this series if you want to watch and listen to his cockiness although I wouldn't really advise it if you have a little faith left in humanity. I think that is probably the main cause of his success in regards to getting women and I've actually just got confirmation off one of my housemates that is the angle he takes... What an idiot.
EDIT: As if I got a response off the big man himself! Is it sad that it made me grin Evillore?
Vermillion
Banned
Funny. This stuff never works out badly for anyone I know - one friend lied to get sex, and has had a girlfriend in the past.
Another actually has a girlfriend and has shared with me his pretty much guaranteed way to sleep with drunk chicks.
Honestly, the only thing keeping me from lying/being manipulative is that I assume I would feel like shit (and I'm scared to do it - accidentally got one chick's number with an accidental lie - details in this very thread). But I would be lying if I said that the payoff isn't tempting...
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
About a month ago, a girl I really liked asked me out. She's my first girlfriend, so I'm still pretty new to this whole thing. We've been meeting up about once a week, and chatting online maybe two or three times a week. She's the sort of person who likes to have a lot of time to herself (and her artwork), so I've been accommodating. When we're in person, she seems really into me, she'll hang off my every word and have a great time. But otherwise, she seems really distant. She never sparks up a conversation and it always feels like I'm interrupting her when I try to talk. She's also been acting pretty cavalier about cancelling dates on short notice (e.g. almost midnight the night before a 9am meetup) and rearranging them to suit her schedule (but not mine).
Is any of this worth worrying about or bringing up with her? She's a great girl and I'd hate to blow it so early on.
Is any of this worth worrying about or bringing up with her? She's a great girl and I'd hate to blow it so early on.
Hypereides
Member
I checked his facebook "fan page". I need a drink to wash away these tears, from the painfull feeling in my gut. Shit's hilarious.
Personally, I think lying with that sort of purpose might appear confident, but it's anything but. To me it says you're not confident enough in what and who you are, and are willing to compromise that for someone (a woman, in this case) else in order to gain their good graces. I believe that's "putting it on the pedestal.
"Only lying to yourself," etc.
If you want to walk up to a girl and say, "Come back to my place and we'll fuck," go for it. I have no problem with that. That's being confident because you're doing something really bold and there's no lie in it. But if you're going to say to some drunk girl, "Hey, girl, my band just played a rad show and I need a groupie back at my place tonight," that's shitty if you're not actually in a band.
You have two conflicting internal forces at play here. One, first girlfriend, like her a lot, don't want to fuck it up and lose it. Two, you feel like you're being disrespected a little and she's maybe taking advantage because you haven't asserted yourself.
Thing is, you have to be willing to lose her in order to keep her, if that makes sense. You need to have self-respect and demonstrate that you do in order for her to respect you in return, that's just how social interaction works. If she doesn't respect you she won't value you or the relationship. No need to be confrontational, just don't ever be afraid to bring something like this up.
Sanky Panky
Banned
All the things that I (or some have) considered flaws. Some looked down on me being a frat boy, how I can be cold about feelings, how sometimes I change plans last minute because I don't feel like going out, even how I may burp/fart and not give a damn, etc etc. I let them know what they are walking into, but of course, this is all compensated by all the good things you have to offer.
Moreover, you don't list those good qualities to her like in a job application. You don't tell a girl "I can do this, this, and this for you". It comes out of you sharing past experiences, funny stories, ambitions for the future, values, etc. These should all be covered in a first date too, and only as a response AFTER you ask about hers.
Barnaby_Jones
Member
I hadn't seen it up until now. Words. There are none suitable.
"Unemployment at 16 year high! hmm odd that it is that high again, when on both occasions its the CONSERVATIVES in power! WHAT DOES THAT SAY?"
ummmm.... yeaaaaaaah
This is great advice. Assert yourself but don't be confrontational, absolutely. That shows a dependency, which can be a turn off for a lot of people. Again, without being confrontational, the next time you're planning something, why say something like this, "Are you sure your schedule will allow for it? I understand if you need time to do your ______, don't feel like you can't say 'no.'" This flips the responsibility onto her and also allows you to assert yourself pre-emptively and without being confrontational or even seeming passive-aggressive.
I'll add this; depending on who you are as a person, you might appreciate a busy girlfriend after having one that's clingy. Are you busy with your own life or do you find that you're doting on her?
seattle6418
Member
TBH, getting two girls to bed would already be a great achievement for me. One night stands are very hard in my own world, so he is somewhat of a player for getting it.
I can´t read the blogpost as i´m at work, but the comments made bring up the question of us, "nice guys" not knowing how to deal with slut, easy girls.
We see those stories of "i just told her to fuck me and she said let´s go" and we keep thinking "wow, since i´m a nice guy and all then i could get plenty more with those easy girls".
It never works like this.
That type of women only puts out to similar jerks in the oposite sex. We can never, ever assume that to start improving with women we should try the "easy" ones first.
At least that has never worked for me, and just made me realize that i shouldn´t go after those girls so much.
It´s a shame those sluts i´m referring to are usually hot and sexy.
Women are just as sexual as men. It irks me that they're branded "sluts" if they're don't act like virginal angels.
Posts like this make you look like a sore loser. I'm aware that you're frustrated, but you don't have to come across as a total chump when you're expressing yourself on the subject.
^^
This!
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Thanks. I guess I'll try to bring it up without making a big deal out of it.
When I say rearranging to meet her schedule, I actually mean shit that randomly comes up. The other day, her parents suddenly decided they wanted to take her somewhere, and at that stage she hadn't told them about us dating (she has since then). So rather than say "no, I am busy with friends" or something, she tells me that she won't be able to make it. Conversely, she loves doing things on Thursdays, even though she knows that I'm always doing stuff on Thursday afternoons, and as a result its usually inconvenient (although doable) for me.
Well I'm definitely not busy (summer break + slow months for my job), and I am very fond of her, to answer your questions.
seattle6418
Member
I agree with the sore loser part, but i don´t agree with the slut definition.
Might have been better put, but a slut to me is NOT a women that is sexually active and/or likes sex. That´s actually a positive. A slut, to me, is a woman who is treated like crap by jerks and rewards them with sex.
That´s a slutty behavior in my book, but maybe it´s different for me since english is not my first language.
Johnlenham
Member
As much as I hate his writting style (bold, capitals, grammer)
his "shes just a friend" is pretty good.
Honestly alot of people with the "Does she like me? " friend-zone questions would find it useful.
Ive not read the other now, going in...
And who says these guys are treating these girls like crap? They evoke attraction because they're honest with the girls instead of being a "nice guy." Never blame girls for "rewarding" guys that have better game than you. Instead, just step your game up. Be more aggressive and be honest with your feelings. Girls know you want sex too so stop trying to cover that up. You can make girls want you without having to be an "asshole."
I agree with soultron, calling these girls sluts just because they want the same thing you do already puts in the wrong mentality.
Vermillion
Banned
I think you missed his definition of slut.
Vermillion
Banned
I guess so. Being attracted to men who treat you badly stems from a psychological issue, and is a problem that we try to keep girls away from. It has nothing to do with "knowing what they want." It's psychologically detrimental, period. It's bad. Not as simple as sex.
And you are similarly insane, for being into crazy girls. It will haunt you in the future.
Of course, there's no problem initially for either one - sexually, that's what they like, and if they aren't looking for a relationship, cool. But these types of people are dangerous to you and the hypothetical girls in question, and it will damage you and them.
That's not my definition of a slut, but you might have some prob- okay, not really. Just know where to draw the line... Crazies can be hot, but it is a terrible mistake to stick your dick in them.
seattle6418
Member
I do have some issues to solve, i won´t deny that, specially in a message board where i´m not exposing personal details.
I just wanted to clear the "slut" part because i´m anything but a narrow minded old school person.
Women liking sex is a great thing, and hell no, i don´t want to sound like i want girls to behave like little angels because i hate that.
I´m still on step one of the recovery process, just stopped putting women on a pedestal two or three years ago. It´s a long road ahead but i´m willing to recognize my mistakes.
I´ve always had "girls who are treated like crap and reward jerks with sex" as sluts. If that is not, then what is it?
I´m not going into a debate weather they are being treated like crap or not, i posted thinking on examples of real people that i know.
Fine, for the sake of argument let's say the guy is an asshole and is treating this particular girl like crap. My point is to stop putting the blame on the girl. She doesn't have psychological issues and there's nothing wrong with her. The guy she's into is interesting and you're more boring than him. She just knows what she wants. So instead of resorting to name calling, how about just asking yourself "what is he doing that I'm not?" and learn how you can be attractive to girls. Because you can certainly do it.
Yes, exactly. Well said.
seattle6418, your problem is that you see these dicks getting all the girls and you blame the girls for being easy sluts. You label them because it comforts you and it masks your inability to get these girls.
The truth is, the girls choose these guys because they are more interesting, more charismatic and more confident than you are. The reason it seems they treat the girls like dirt is because they know what they want and they don't put up with the shit girls throw at them.
These seemingly "easy" girls are impossible for you to get with your current attitude.
The truth siren is blaring so loud right now it almost hurts my ears.
lawlohwhat
Banned
On a more general note: One thing that really bothers me in this thread is how casually 'whore', 'slut', and other epithets are thrown around. It's nice to see the language get confronted very quickly by the regulars, but it's really embarrassing how frequently violent labels like that get used and then brushed aside in here.
Hypereides
Member
Aurora. Jason.
Bravo. Bravo.
I dont feel like adding anything new to the subject, since Ive already expressed my opinion about it many times before.
Bravo. Bravo.
I dont feel like adding anything new to the subject, since Ive already expressed my opinion about it many times before.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Agreed. I don't want this thread to degenerate into the debate, but personally I think "slut" can be very fairly defined as a female who values sexual satisfaction at the cost of her own dignity. Make it a unisex term if you want, but that's what I connote every time I utter the word.
It's a derogatory term that has no place here in a thread about self-improvement. I get the frustration when a girl goes home with the "asshole" but at the end of the night that's not your problem. That's her jerk problem she has to deal with. If you really want to save girls from these guys, ascend your game to levels beyond comprehension. Show girls what they are missing out when they are not with you.
Congrats! It certainly sounds like it's moving into the relationship department if you're about to meet her parents. Keep it going and keep us updated.
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