Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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amrihua said:
She replyed to my e-mail late last night so I didn't respond so she doesn't get the idea I was eagerly waiting for her reply, and it would also be a very late time to respond to an e-mail I thought.

She said 'yeah, let's meet and have fun.' She also gave me her number and asked if I had school today.

Where do you go from here? It's Monday. I don't have classes until mid April but I do have my research that I'm working (procrastinating) on as a grad student. I consider myself to be on a vacation.

I think I should text her, since I got her number, the girl is apparently interested but I don't want to blow it. It is still 9am so she must be at work. When to text and what to say? I think I should be making plans. What would be a good place for a first date? Is bringing flowers and putting on a suit for the first date a stupid idea?
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I'd say the first thing is to relax, your mentality is going to kill you. According to your story, what got her interested in you was that you were just having a good time and being carefree so keep doing that.

I'd just text/call her tonight saying you wanna do dinner/drinks. Don't do the suit/flowers thing on the first date, imagine if a girl you just met came in a dressing gown with a bouquet at your door.
 
amrihua said:
She replyed to my e-mail late last night so I didn't respond so she doesn't get the idea I was eagerly waiting for her reply, and it would also be a very late time to respond to an e-mail I thought.

She said 'yeah, let's meet and have fun.' She also gave me her number and asked if I had school today.

Where do you go from here? It's Monday. I don't have classes until mid April but I do have my research that I'm working (procrastinating) on as a grad student. I consider myself to be on a vacation.

I think I should text her, since I got her number, the girl is apparently interested but I don't want to blow it. It is still 9am so she must be at work. When to text and what to say? I think I should be making plans. What would be a good place for a first date? Is bringing flowers and putting on a suit for the first date a stupid idea?
Click to expand...

I would save the suit and flowers unless you're going somewhere really snazzy.
 
amrihua said:
She replyed to my e-mail late last night so I didn't respond so she doesn't get the idea I was eagerly waiting for her reply, and it would also be a very late time to respond to an e-mail I thought.

She said 'yeah, let's meet and have fun.' She also gave me her number and asked if I had school today.

Where do you go from here? It's Monday. I don't have classes until mid April but I do have my research that I'm working (procrastinating) on as a grad student. I consider myself to be on a vacation.

I think I should text her, since I got her number, the girl is apparently interested but I don't want to blow it. It is still 9am so she must be at work. When to text and what to say? I think I should be making plans. What would be a good place for a first date? Is bringing flowers and putting on a suit for the first date a stupid idea?
Click to expand...
Suit and flower is extremely stupid if you are not planning to take her to some really fancy place.

But I am bad at giving advices about this matter, cause I generally hate men in suits. So utterly boring and lame.

Making plans and asking her out is a good idea though. Just don't overdo it.
 
amrihua said:
She replyed to my e-mail late last night so I didn't respond so she doesn't get the idea I was eagerly waiting for her reply, and it would also be a very late time to respond to an e-mail I thought.

She said 'yeah, let's meet and have fun.' She also gave me her number and asked if I had school today.

Where do you go from here? It's Monday. I don't have classes until mid April but I do have my research that I'm working (procrastinating) on as a grad student. I consider myself to be on a vacation.

I think I should text her, since I got her number, the girl is apparently interested but I don't want to blow it. It is still 9am so she must be at work. When to text and what to say? I think I should be making plans. What would be a good place for a first date? Is bringing flowers and putting on a suit for the first date a stupid idea?
Click to expand...

Depends, is your first date at a funeral?

You are over thinking this to an absurd degree. Send her a text asking her out for some drinks, dress like a normal person and have a fun time.
 
Think about it this way. A date is a lot like hanging out with a new friend, only with sex involved. Learn more about them, find out what you have in common, don't be an ass and have fun. If you keep things flirtatious, you'll do fine.
 
amrihua said:
She replyed to my e-mail late last night so I didn't respond so she doesn't get the idea I was eagerly waiting for her reply, and it would also be a very late time to respond to an e-mail I thought.

She said 'yeah, let's meet and have fun.' She also gave me her number and asked if I had school today.

Where do you go from here? It's Monday. I don't have classes until mid April but I do have my research that I'm working (procrastinating) on as a grad student. I consider myself to be on a vacation.

I think I should text her, since I got her number, the girl is apparently interested but I don't want to blow it. It is still 9am so she must be at work. When to text and what to say? I think I should be making plans. What would be a good place for a first date? Is bringing flowers and putting on a suit for the first date a stupid idea?
Click to expand...

Flowers... no. Suit if it's somewhere really fancy, like an expensive restaurant or some high-falutin' party.

Sadetar said:
Suit and flower is extremely stupid if you are not planning to take her to some really fancy place.

But I am bad at giving advices about this matter, cause I generally hate men in suits. So utterly boring and lame.

Making plans and asking her out is a good idea though. Just don't overdo it.
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No, Sadetar, suits are awesome.
 
All this talk about okcupid, I suddenly got a message from some girl.

It's all too convenient, did one of you e-stalk me and send me a message? :p
 
Kave_Man said:
All this talk about okcupid, I suddenly got a message from some girl.

It's all too convenient, did one of you e-stalk me and send me a message? :p
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Hey. ^_~

Haven't gotten a message in a few days. The rest lead nowhere. :( (been there 2 months)

Gonna take a break from that site for a bit.

Edit: Wait, TD got banned? Fuck.
 
Had a nice text conversation with a girl that was introduced to me via mutual co workers. In her final message before we said goodnight she added "text or call me tomorrow if you'd like!"

So she worked 12 hrs today and is getting done with work shortly. She texted me on her break after I asked her to tell me when she was done with work so I knew a good time to call. She said it would be great to talk to me and she'd let me know when she's done.

So far so good...

Now, it's 7PM and she's done soon and we'll be talking. Would it be too quick (if the convo goes well) to ask her to meet up yet tonight for a drink or something? Or maybe pace it slowly...

Advice?
 
Sheap said:
Just got back from a date, which I must say was a major success!

So, last Monday I got a girls number after I overheard her talking about The Wii Dolphin Emulator and how she's been playing Sonic Adventure 2 battle. I know, this sounds awkward but we really hit it off. Anyways, I played it cool and waited a few days before calling her back.

I was having trouble thinking of something for us to go do since we're both gamers I didn't want to just go out to coffee and I didn't feel it right to invite her over for a game session just yet.

So I found this Meet Up on Deviant for Artists of any skill level called the Sketchbomb. It's a social gathering of DA members who meet up in SF draw and share ideas. I convinced a few friends to come with and told her to bring friends and we'll make a fun social night out. She said yes!

We meet up, go for some Gelato and wait for our friends to come. Friends come, we go to the Sketchbomb, had a ton of fun, a few drinks and a lot of laughs. I really liked two of her friends. There were two girls who's names I don't remember and this guy who I bet if given the chance would be all over the girl I'm interested in but seems to be hardcore friend-zoned.

It starts to get late, and people are leaving - my friends take off and we get a cab for her friends. Her guy friend stays a while we talk on the corner a bit but he eventually gets a cab and leaves. We walk to the bus stop. We talk while waiting for the bus, I got her to laugh! Her bus arrives and she kisses me on the cheek gives me a hug and thanks me for the good time. I add I had a really great time and that we should get together again sometime next week. She smiles agrees gets on the bus and that's that.

I honestly couldn't of done it without you Gaf. I don't think this date could of gone any better. I've always had a problem with confidence but this thread and overcoming a few fears has really helped out. Here's to hoping for a good date #2!
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A+, sounds like you killed it. Good job!

Now listen to me closely. And yes, I'm going to go all drill sergeant on you to make my point:

LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHIT: YOU KISS THIS FUCKING GIRL DURING/AT THE END OF YOUR NEXT FUCKING DATE, ALRIGHT? PROPERLY. ON HER LIPS. PASSIONATELY. YOU HEAR ME? I'M NOT LETTING ANOTHER ONE OF YOU NANCIES FAIL BY PUSSYING OUT ON THE KISS. IF YOU DO NOT KISS HER DURING YOUR NEXT DATE, YOU WILL RUIN YOUR CHANCE TO BE IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. YOU WILL BE ANOTHER "GUY FRIEND", FOREVER.

Got it?
 
1 thing that has helped me tremendously is going out alone. I realized recently I have little in common with my friends and they like to boast arrogantly and it rubs me the wrong way. Also, sitting back and soaking in the scene works for me when I'm dressed well. I'm skinny and most girls aren't into it but the ones that are love me. Finally I just don't connect with people who are plain and or dumb. College age women or women who haven't really lived or explored see little in me. Women with passion and intelligence or just ones who've been through things, really like me, and really quickly. Happens in just a few moments like a light switch when certain topics are hit. With "normal" women those same conversations go dead immediately. And they aren't necessarily women with current baggage, just seems to be instant connection and attraction.
 
ChefRamsay said:
A+, sounds like you killed it. Good job!

Now listen to me closely. And yes, I'm going to go all drill sergeant on you to make my point:

LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHIT: YOU KISS THIS FUCKING GIRL DURING/AT THE END OF YOUR NEXT FUCKING DATE, ALRIGHT? PROPERLY. ON HER LIPS. PASSIONATELY. YOU HEAR ME? I'M NOT LETTING ANOTHER ONE OF YOU NANCIES FAIL BY PUSSYING OUT ON THE KISS. IF YOU DO NOT KISS HER DURING YOUR NEXT DATE, YOU WILL RUIN YOUR CHANCE TO BE IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. YOU WILL BE ANOTHER "GUY FRIEND", FOREVER.

Got it?
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I see a challenger has risen to take BronzeWolf's place. I tip my glass, sir.

But I agree, go for the kiss.
 
So a girl you've been getting along with but never specifically said were going out but gave the inclination that you were and then started being distant. Does that mean they're not interested or? They're pretty busy with school so I don't know if it was just that or something else. Could they just be busy or in a funk or does it mean they don't have interest anymore? I guess maybe I screwed something up but who knows.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
So a girl you've been getting along with but never specifically said were going out but gave the inclination that you were and then started being distant. Does that mean they're not interested or? They're pretty busy with school so I don't know if it was just that or something else. Could they just be busy or in a funk or does it mean they don't have interest anymore? I guess maybe I screwed something up but who knows.
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Why are you asking us? Ask her.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
So a girl you've been getting along with but never specifically said were going out but gave the inclination that you were and then started being distant. Does that mean they're not interested or? They're pretty busy with school so I don't know if it was just that or something else. Could they just be busy or in a funk or does it mean they don't have interest anymore? I guess maybe I screwed something up but who knows.
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Sounds like you aren't being very direct with this person.
 
scar tissue said:
Getting banned, it seems.
Although I really don't see why. Calling an idiot out wasn't a bannable offense until now, was it? I've seen it happen without repercussions.
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It has been that way for a while. It's detrimental to discussion, like the smilies.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Because other people have asked similar questions to find out if they got friend zoned or they should give up, etc.?
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They've asked what people think about the situation but no one can tell you what's really going on but her. Ask her what you are to her. If she doesn't give you a straight answer and wants to play games consider not dealing with her anymore.
 
Devolution said:
They've asked what people think about the situation but no one can tell you what's really going on but her. Ask her what you are to her. If she doesn't give you a straight answer and wants to play games consider not dealing with her anymore.
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Ok, I wasn't sure if it would come off stupid if I did. I guess I'll do that then.
 
Tess3ract said:
Lmao what the fuck?
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If you were to have a discussion, and someone posts the laughing smiley instead of an actual answer, it would lead people to do the same, retarding discussion. Calling somebody an idiot is the same (and inflammatory, which isn't cool anyway). I made the sentence sound silly, but I agree with the philosophy, but that's neither here nor there.
 
UFRA said:
Had a nice text conversation with a girl that was introduced to me via mutual co workers. In her final message before we said goodnight she added "text or call me tomorrow if you'd like!"

So she worked 12 hrs today and is getting done with work shortly. She texted me on her break after I asked her to tell me when she was done with work so I knew a good time to call. She said it would be great to talk to me and she'd let me know when she's done.

So far so good...

Now, it's 7PM and she's done soon and we'll be talking. Would it be too quick (if the convo goes well) to ask her to meet up yet tonight for a drink or something? Or maybe pace it slowly...

Advice?
Click to expand...

No thanks to any of you since everyone was so busy talking about Timedog's ban (I kid, I kid), I got a date tomorrow afternoon!

Our phone conversation went well, and she actually beat me to the punch and asked if I wanted to hang out soon. lol This was only like 10 min into the conversation and I wasn't expecting it. I was planning on asking her that towards the end, but oh well!

I work tomorrow at 7pm, so we are going to hang out in the afternoon. She's into cars, and I'm a huge petrolhead. This is pretty cool, GAF!! She actually knew what an Infiniti is and said she can't wait to see my car.

I am excited.
 
Thanks for the great advice. I'll do my best to follow thru with it.

NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Flowers... no. Suit if it's somewhere really fancy, like an expensive restaurant or some high-falutin' party.
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Would that be a good idea? I was thinking of something more middle class.

greenry said:
Depends, is your first date at a funeral?

You are over thinking this to an absurd degree. Send her a text asking her out for some drinks, dress like a normal person and have a fun time.
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LOL

For the last year or so I've been on so many bad dates that didn't go anywhere I'm not sure what to do. My hit rate so far was zero.

I'm such a clueless idiot.

Sadetar said:
Suit and flower is extremely stupid if you are not planning to take her to some really fancy place.

But I am bad at giving advices about this matter, cause I generally hate men in suits. So utterly boring and lame.

Making plans and asking her out is a good idea though. Just don't overdo it.
Click to expand...

I was -and a lot of my male friends- under the impression that women fall head over heels for a guy in a suit. Apparently not.

When should I contact her next? I know it should be within this week I just don't want to come out as pushy or needy but also I don't want her to think I'm not interested.

Jroderton said:
I would save the suit and flowers unless you're going somewhere really snazzy.
Click to expand...

Would somewhere snazzy be a good idea for a first date? I was thinkng of something simpler like the movies or a karaoke. Karaoke would be best, just me and her, in a room with lots of privacy and she still wont be as intimidated as if I asked her out to my place.

ZeroRay said:
I'd say the first thing is to relax, your mentality is going to kill you. According to your story, what got her interested in you was that you were just having a good time and being carefree so keep doing that.

I'd just text/call her tonight saying you wanna do dinner/drinks. Don't do the suit/flowers thing on the first date, imagine if a girl you just met came in a dressing gown with a bouquet at your door.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I should calm down. I know playing it cool and not caring can get a girl interested in you because it shows confidence and dependance. The last thing a girl wants is a needy man. But that's step one, I just don't know what to do after that.

It's only Monday would tonight be too soon to text or call her and make plans?
 
amrihua said:
Would that be a good idea? I was thinking of something more middle class.
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Heh, middle class is fine. You don't need a suit to charm a lady, God knows that doesn't work for me. Take her out somewhere nice, casual. Just dress nice and smell good and don't... be offensive to the senses.

I was -and a lot of my male friends- under the impression that women fall head over heels for a guy in a suit. Apparently not.
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You can put a suit on, but it's presumably useless without any confidence or "swagger". Plus, Sadetar is just hatin' on suits. I can see the subtext!

When should I contact her next? I know it should be within this week I just don't want to come out as pushy or needy but also I don't want her to think I'm not interested.
Click to expand...

The next day, something breezy? I dunno.

Would somewhere snazzy be a good idea for a first date? I was thinkng of something simpler like the movies or a karaoke. Karaoke would be best, just me and her, in a room with lots of privacy and she still wont be as intimidated as if I asked her out to my place.
Click to expand...

Avoid the movies if you wanna make conversation. I've never been to karaoke, so I don't know much about it, but maybe she'll get a kick out of your possibly terrible singing.
 
amrihua said:
Yeah, I should calm down. I know playing it cool and not caring can get a girl interested in you because it shows confidence and dependance. The last thing a girl wants is a needy man. But that's step one, I just don't know what to do after that.

It's only Monday would tonight be too soon to text or call her and make plans?
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You're still overthinking things. Do you want to call her and make plans? Then do so. I think there are some common sense things. Like not calling and/or texting over and over again, or contacting at 4 in the morning or something nuts like that. If a girl drops you because you called her a day too soon or some shit that's some bull any way.
 
amrihua said:
LOL

For the last year or so I've been on so many bad dates that didn't go anywhere I'm not sure what to do. My hit rate so far was zero.

I'm such a clueless idiot.
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That's okay if you are batting .000, it is kind of what dating is all about. Every person you go on a date with is not going to end up your soul mate but that doesn't mean it was a wasted affair. You probably learned something about yourself, learned what you want in a partner, what you don't want, etc.

For the first couple dates I always like to keep it light. Go for drinks, walk in the park, peruse a farmer's market. Just something that is casual and where I haven't spent a whole lot of effort, worry, and money over someone I might never see again.

Call her up, ask her out on a date and have a fun time.
 
ChefRamsay said:
Got it?
Click to expand...

NotTheGuyYouKill said:
I agree, go for the kiss.
Click to expand...


challenge.jpg
 
Every couple of weeks when I go clubbing I run into this girl from my school. We always proceed to dance. Everytime I fail to seal the deal(this has happened twice). I saw her on Saturday at the club but didnt feel like approaching her because she's been a waste of my time. I wind up grinding with some other girl for the next 20 minutes or so, then I get the push back. Naturally I feel slightly deflated, walk over to my friends,and then that girl starts rubbing against me, so in my weakened state I go for it. I try everything to make out or something (putting my hands everywhere and rubbing things I probably shouldn't) She reciprocates and we dance I buy her a drink an we dance some more for an hour. But couldnt close and in the last ten minutes she looks for her friend and says goodbye. I feel used everytime and it sucks. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe she thinks I'm some friend she can just dance with and nothing more?
 
MrGame&Watch said:
Every couple of weeks when I go clubbing I run into this girl from my school. We always proceed to dance. Everytime I fail to seal the deal(this has happened twice). I saw her on Saturday at the club but didnt feel like approaching her because she's been a waste of my time. I wind up grinding with some other girl for the next 20 minutes or so, then I get the push back. Naturally I feel slightly deflated, walk over to my friends,and then that girl starts rubbing against me, so in my weakened state I go for it. I try everything to make out or something (putting my hands everywhere and rubbing things I probably shouldn't) She reciprocates and we dance I buy her a drink an we dance some more for an hour. But couldnt close and in the last ten minutes she looks for her friend and says goodbye. I feel used everytime and it sucks. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe she thinks I'm some friend she can just dance with and nothing more?
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Possible felt his erection and immediate panic moment? May be why she bailed.
 
bjb said:
Possible felt his erection and immediate panic moment? May be why she bailed.
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Nah girls like that I think. Shows you're interested. Whats worse is losing it on the dance floor. I've had that happen. The girl could tell right away.

If a girl is rubbing all over your crotch, I can't see why she'd be spooked if she felt my mini me.
 
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