Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Darklord said:
Dingdingdingdingdingding.
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NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Dude, you have to keep going. Send her a message back.
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ZeroRay said:
Heh.

Keep going Atramental, do your thang.
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AQ3k8.gif


I'm at school at the moment so I'll respond to her once I get home.
 
Prologue said:
I guess just tread carefully. Obviously the drug history bothers you and rightfully so. Now is the time you really start learning about her as a person and wether or not you want her in your life. Also, don't be afraid to date on the side if you two aren't exclusive. Might find someone you like but without the baggage. Relationships should be fun, caring and exciting. We are tend to make it more complicated than it has to be for whatever reason. 7 days in and you're already finding aspects of her you don't like.
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We've spent a lot of time together so far, which I suppose why it feels so fast.

We're already planning to go on a trip to nyc to see the Cyclone she loves but isn't until like june or so. Plus later she's going to go to europe for a month in may for her major.
 
hey GAF,

what's your consensus on being in love with your best friend? I've known her since we were very little, and sort of always had feeling for her, but for the past year, I can't stop thinking about her. I don't really see any signs of the same feelings towards me, like the usual best friend scenario goes. We talk about every day, and I feel like I need to tell her. It's literally beating me down not telling her. And here's the ringer, she's been on and off with this dude for the past two years. Don't really know what to do...
 
dagZ said:
hey GAF,

what's your consensus on being in love with your best friend? I've known her since we were very little, and sort of always had feeling for her, but for the past year, I can't stop thinking about her. I don't really see any signs of the same feelings towards me, like the usual best friend scenario goes. We talk about every day, and I feel like I need to tell her. It's literally beating me down not telling her. And here's the ringer, she's been on and off with this dude for the past two years. Don't really know what to do...
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If you read my previous posts here you´ll probably say "you are not really the type of guy to giving any advice", but i was once in a similar situation, and i told her how i felt.

Figured i would be hurting more by just staying friends.

So we talk, she had no feelings "that way" and we drifted apart and are only facebook friends and casual talkers these days.

The difference was, it wasn´t "my best friend" like you described, but it was a good friend, a girl who was close to me for over five years.

I don´t regret it. I think i would be very pissed of at myself if i had never spoken.
 
Okay, I have a potential predicament here about my date on Thursday.

How do I go about refusing offered sex after a date?

I seriously doubt this girl will want to have sex on the first date (based on her profile), but in the off chance she does, how do I go about refusing it?

I'll keep the story behind this short: Had some symptoms, went to the doctor, they gave me meds, told me no intercourse for a week. They don't know what exactly it is I have, but these meds should take care of it. Doubt it's an STD, I only have had sex with one girl ever, and I was the only person she had sex with, ever. On top of that, they tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, and a bladder infection and all 3 were negative.
 
Hylian7 said:
Okay, I have a potential predicament here about my date on Thursday.

How do I go about refusing offered sex after a date?

I seriously doubt this girl will want to have sex on the first date (based on her profile), but in the off chance she does, how do I go about refusing it?

I'll keep the story behind this short: Had some symptoms, went to the doctor, they gave me meds, told me no intercourse for a week. They don't know what exactly it is I have, but these meds should take care of it. Doubt it's an STD, I only have had sex with one girl ever, and I was the only person she had sex with, ever. On top of that, they tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, and a bladder infection and all 3 were negative.
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Well, it's not an STD, so why worry?

Let her anticipate for next time? I dunno.
 
Hylian7 said:
Yeah, but regardless they told me no intercourse for a week with this medicine.....

I guess what I'm asking is this: How do I play this off where I don't look like I don't want her or something?
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Well... by telling her that you do want her, but you have to go. Make sure she knows you're still interested, but that there is something pressing. Make sure you make plans for next time.

You could go with the truth, but the truth is incredibly un-sexy. This suggestion comes out of rational thinking, not experience, so... take that how you will.
 
MrGame&Watch said:
Every couple of weeks when I go clubbing I run into this girl from my school. We always proceed to dance. Everytime I fail to seal the deal(this has happened twice). I saw her on Saturday at the club but didnt feel like approaching her because she's been a waste of my time. I wind up grinding with some other girl for the next 20 minutes or so, then I get the push back. Naturally I feel slightly deflated, walk over to my friends,and then that girl starts rubbing against me, so in my weakened state I go for it. I try everything to make out or something (putting my hands everywhere and rubbing things I probably shouldn't) She reciprocates and we dance I buy her a drink an we dance some more for an hour. But couldnt close and in the last ten minutes she looks for her friend and says goodbye. I feel used everytime and it sucks. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe she thinks I'm some friend she can just dance with and nothing more?
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Perhaps the problem is that you seem to expect something as if there's an obligation? Isn't having fun grinding with some cute chick on the dance floor its own reward?
 
Hylian7 said:
Yeah, but regardless they told me no intercourse for a week with this medicine.....

I guess what I'm asking is this: How do I play this off where I don't look like I don't want her or something?
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just pull a chick move and say you don't have sex on a first date......or avoid it altogether by ending the date before it moves to a private setting
 
FStop7 said:
Perhaps the problem is that you seem to expect something as if there's an obligation? Isn't having fun grinding with some cute chick on the dance floor its own reward?
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Exactly. Just enjoy it and if you get anything more at some point, be happy about it.
 
seattle6418 said:
If you read my previous posts here you´ll probably say "you are not really the type of guy to giving any advice", but i was once in a similar situation, and i told her how i felt.

Figured i would be hurting more by just staying friends.

So we talk, she had no feelings "that way" and we drifted apart and are only facebook friends and casual talkers these days.

The difference was, it wasn´t "my best friend" like you described, but it was a good friend, a girl who was close to me for over five years.

I don´t regret it. I think i would be very pissed of at myself if i had never spoken.
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Hmm, that is one way to go about it. For me, my best friend is a girl. I would say I'm interested in her, but I've never sensed any real interest from her, and it's not worth it for me to lose my best friend. She already knows I'm at least vaguely interested in her any way since I did ask her at one point.

This could be a different situation though if dagZ is actually saying he's in love with her. The interest I have in my friend isn't holding me back from dating other girls, so if that's actually happening that's not good.
 
Cubsfan23 said:
just pull a chick move and say you don't have sex on a first date......or avoid it altogether by ending the date before it moves to a private setting
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I guess I'll try something like this. Even so, I doubt she will want to on the first date herself anyway, so hopefully it will be a non-issue.
 
MrGame&Watch said:
Whenever i don't care about them I get some. Probably not good for a relationship but great for a hookup.
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Its less about not caring and more about showing them you have options. You score points when you don't come off as desperate. Anyway, if she shrugged you off then leave it be. You did all you could, be proud of yourself!
 
Atramental said:
If anyone is curious here's the message I sent her:
QQkIj.png


And here is her response:
6pqRo.png


heh... What have I gotten myself into? :P
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My ex was just this way, except she didn't talk very much in public either. It was an okay relationship until the fateful "Let's go to the mall" trip (which was her idea). Quite possibly the most awkward thing I've ever been part of, it was like trying to take a toddler to a fancy restaurant.

Good luck Atramental, I hope it works out for you.
 
MrGame&Watch said:
Every couple of weeks when I go clubbing I run into this girl from my school. We always proceed to dance. Everytime I fail to seal the deal(this has happened twice). I saw her on Saturday at the club but didnt feel like approaching her because she's been a waste of my time. I wind up grinding with some other girl for the next 20 minutes or so, then I get the push back. Naturally I feel slightly deflated, walk over to my friends,and then that girl starts rubbing against me, so in my weakened state I go for it. I try everything to make out or something (putting my hands everywhere and rubbing things I probably shouldn't) She reciprocates and we dance I buy her a drink an we dance some more for an hour. But couldnt close and in the last ten minutes she looks for her friend and says goodbye. I feel used everytime and it sucks. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe she thinks I'm some friend she can just dance with and nothing more?
Click to expand...

Keep pushing your boundaries man. If she is letting you touch her, touch her more. Be more aggressive. If you are behind her grab the back of her hair and pull it back (not too hard obviously), opening up her neck. If she turns her face to you - go in for the kiss.

If you are facing her make eye contact. Pull her in tighter by the hips and see how she responds. If she breaks eye contact and looks to your lips that's a clear sign she wants to kiss.

Just remember you are the man here. Take what you want. If she isn't interested then you move on and stop wasting your time.
 
Asked a girl out on a second date, named a venue she would be interested in and had mentioned before. She accepted. Problem is she's already going with a group of people and she's willing to have me along as well...

Never been in this situation before and I wondered what the old advice thread thinks.

I'm thinking on one side it may make her more comfortable / relaxed, on the other, her friends may block intimacy from escalating. I'm worried about being associated as a friend here, and I want to keep things moving. Maybe I'll be able to pull her away from the group?

Really stumped as to what to think. Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope...
 
low-G said:
Asked a girl out on a second date, named a venue she would be interested in and had mentioned before. She accepted. Problem is she's already going with a group of people and she's willing to have me along as well...

Never been in this situation before and I wondered what the old advice thread thinks.

I'm thinking on one side it may make her more comfortable / relaxed, on the other, her friends may block intimacy from escalating. I'm worried about being associated as a friend here, and I want to keep things moving. Maybe I'll be able to pull her away from the group?

Really stumped as to what to think. Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope...
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Sounds like a test to me. "how will he handle himself in front of my friends?" though it might honestly be that she already had plans and wouldn't mind you coming too. Which is a good thing. But regardless of the intention, either way it will still be a trial.

If you can play it cool and still assert your interest in her as wanting to be more than a friend, you should come out with major bonus points.

Perhaps some other gaffers can help you figure out exactly how to do that, but I think that's most likely the situation at hand. You want to be able to address the group and promote yourself as a great guy. I wouldn't necessarily try to pull her away unless the opportunity presents itself organically.
 
low-G said:
Asked a girl out on a second date, named a venue she would be interested in and had mentioned before. She accepted. Problem is she's already going with a group of people and she's willing to have me along as well...

Never been in this situation before and I wondered what the old advice thread thinks.

I'm thinking on one side it may make her more comfortable / relaxed, on the other, her friends may block intimacy from escalating. I'm worried about being associated as a friend here, and I want to keep things moving. Maybe I'll be able to pull her away from the group?

Really stumped as to what to think. Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope...
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Second date with a group of her friends? I dunno man. That's kind of a lot when you're still getting to know her, but then again, if you're a fun guy then she'll see how you interact with others around.
 
Well I sent out the new message.

And if she's a creature of habit then she'll probably respond to my message tomorrow like she did today. And if she doesn't respond, oh well.

I've got bigger fish to fry.
 
PhoenixSFT said:
My ex was just this way, except she didn't talk very much in public either. It was an okay relationship until the fateful "Let's go to the mall" trip (which was her idea). Quite possibly the most awkward thing I've ever been part of, it was like trying to take a toddler to a fancy restaurant.

Good luck Atramental, I hope it works out for you.
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What?

She couldn't even go to a mall? Fuck that noise.
 
FStop7 said:
You're in Tokyo, correct? Is this girl Japanese? I don't know if dating customs are quite the same in Japan. What I mean is a dude being bold, confident and decisive generally considered as a attractive in Japanese culture as it is in American culture?
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I live in Tsukuba which is not too far from Tokyo. Yup, she is Japanese. I don't know either, I haven't been having much luck for a while now. I tend to be very vague, non-assertive and I always try to achieve a consensus/middle ground. I just learned to avoid confrontation especially with the fairer sex.

So I asked the girl if we could meet this week and she stood me up saying she is going to see her grandma. It is obvious, she is not gonna spend all day with her grandma. Anyway, I played along with her and asked her to let me know if she is ever free. I'm not sure why she turned cold on me? I thought she wanted us to meet again.

She replied less than 10 minutes later, but instead of telling me when she'll be free if ever, instead she started asking me about my hometown. I haven't replied yet. Not sure if it is even worth it anymore. She is dodging my question which is never a good sign. Very confusing she was the one to suggest we meet again and now she's gone cold?

Or am I just reading too much into it? Am I assuming malice where there is none?
 
What's the best way to end an OKC convo for the night? I need to get off and sleep but I don't want this chick to think I'm bored talking to her.
 
Actually I misread what my date wrote (thankfully I didn't reply until just now). Seems she's referring to dumping her plans with the group of people and just going with me. That works for me on a variety of levels.

Lesson to be learned: Read carefully, idiot.
 
Jroderton said:
What's the best way to end an OKC convo for the night? I need to get off and sleep but I don't want this chick to think I'm bored talking to her.
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Don't respond.

low-G said:
Actually I misread what my date wrote (thankfully I didn't reply until just now). Seems she's referring to dumping her plans with the group of people and just going with me. That works for me on a variety of levels.

Lesson to be learned: Read carefully, idiot.
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A lesson I learned the hard way.
 
Wormdundee said:
This isn't your deal. The girl decides that. In general any way.
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Yeah, otherwise you come off as way too needy.

That's not saying you can't let her know you want to date her, though. Make a funny/cheesy joke like "the moment I saw you do [insert funny activity here], I told myself I HAD to date that girl!"

Humor does a lot more than make a girl smile, it can be the perfect way to tell her something that would normally be corny.
 
amrihua said:
I live in Tsukuba which is not too far from Tokyo. Yup, she is Japanese. I don't know either, I haven't been having much luck for a while now. I tend to be very vague, non-assertive and I always try to achieve a consensus/middle ground. I just learned to avoid confrontation especially with the fairer sex.

So I asked the girl if we could meet this week and she stood me up saying she is going to see her grandma. It is obvious, she is not gonna spend all day with her grandma. Anyway, I played along with her and asked her to let me know if she is ever free. I'm not sure why she turned cold on me? I thought she wanted us to meet again.

She replied less than 10 minutes later, but instead of telling me when she'll be free if ever, instead she started asking me about my hometown. I haven't replied yet. Not sure if it is even worth it anymore. She is dodging my question which is never a good sign. Very confusing she was the one to suggest we meet again and now she's gone cold?

Or am I just reading too much into it? Am I assuming malice where there is none?
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Massively overthinking it. Loosen up, go with the flow, etc.

Definitely not time to give up, anyway.

Personally I'd say you're the one being cold. You're doing all this fake shit to try not to show how interested you are, like rules you read out of some bullshit dating guide. If you get a message/email and want to reply that instant, then fucking do it. Perhaps you're being too careful and thus getting a lukewarm response. Some people around here are going to disagree with me but they're dumb.
 
Question regarding online dating here: Should I offer to pick her up and take her to the restaurant if she lives close by, and it's our first time meeting in person? Or would it be better to just meet there at the restaurant?

I see this in two ways.

1. Might be a little awkward offering to come pick up someone that's never seen you in person before, and they might be understandabley apprehensive. Just taking seperate cars and meeting at the restuaurant would make both parties feel safer for obvious reasons.

2. However, going and picking your date up is customary, but of course online dating didn't always exist, so it's quite confusing what the proper course of action is here.

Edit: And she DOES in fact have a car, so that's not an issue.
 
Hylian7 said:
Question regarding online dating here: Should I offer to pick her up and take her to the restaurant if she lives close by, and it's our first time meeting in person? Or would it be better to just meet there at the restaurant?

I see this in two ways.

1. Might be a little awkward offering to come pick up someone that's never seen you in person before, and they might be understandabley apprehensive. Just taking seperate cars and meeting at the restuaurant would make both parties feel safer for obvious reasons.

2. However, going and picking your date up is customary, but of course online dating didn't always exist, so it's quite confusing what the proper course of action is here.

Edit: And she DOES in fact have a car, so that's not an issue.
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ask if she would like a ride to the restaurant, or prefer meeting you there. if she says she doesnt care, then say ok, well i'll pick you up at xx:xx then
 
HappyBivouac said:
Massively overthinking it. Loosen up, go with the flow, etc.

Definitely not time to give up, anyway.

Personally I'd say you're the one being cold. You're doing all this fake shit to try not to show how interested you are, like rules you read out of some bullshit dating guide. If you get a message/email and want to reply that instant, then fucking do it. Perhaps you're being too careful and thus getting a lukewarm response. Some people around here are going to disagree with me but they're dumb.
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But if I show her I'm interested -and I am super interested- she would think I'm needy or dependent or got no life or some kind of loser and that would immediately turn her off. She is the most interesting girl I've met yet. I don't want to give her an upper hand or display low value. I want her to think of me as a good catch and not some loser that would go for any girl. She doesn't know it but I had my eye on her the whole night before she made her move.

She has been replying to every e-mail I've sent so far. Yesterday alone I got two e-mails, she was quick to respond to my last one, just not with the answer I was looking for. Argh! Some say I'm moving too fast, others say I'm moving too slow and I've got no clue. This girl has been occupying me, every minute of every day -which is pathetic I know- and I'm afraid I might do something that might blow it with her. If I show her I'm interested she might just walk away on me.

Maybe I should grow some balls and give her a call? Or ask my ex to give me back my old ones :P

If a girl could give me an advice on this, to have some female perspective.
 
Jesus dude slow down, what happens if she tells you in a week to do one? are you going to break down and cry or something?
You are massively over thinking and putting her waaaay to high on a pedestal. Just chat., maybe she just wants to get to know you better first?

Why would it be a lie if she was seeing her grandma all day? Maybe shes laying up in hospital on her death bed? Not a good idea to just jump to conclusions. If she had blown you off for a third/fourth time then I feel you can.
 
Is kingofkong still here?
Just saw the latest 2 simple pickup videos. The one with Jesse (?) kissing the girl minutes after meeting is fucking ridiculous, if it isn't fake.
I'm angry and sad at the same time I'll never be able to even come close to this thanks to my social anxiety, which will likely accompany me for at least another 10 years.
I can't even approach a girl when she's already sending very obvious signals to me. Fucking hell.
 
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