Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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We got together between classes Monday and had lunch. Started talking about movies she and I like. Turns out she loves One Piece and Ryan Gosling (which I don't) however she hasn't seen many of my favorite movies! She suggested watching some together.

So, date #2 is a go! Movies at her place this Thursday.

Movies I suggested, some she's already seen.

Blade Runner
Gladiator (seen it)
Amadeus
50/50
Alien (seen it)
Leon: The Professional
It's kind of a Funny Story (seen it)
Legend
Princess Mononoke
Spirited Away (seen it)
 
Ok my profile is up and running. I guess I better start sending out messages and not just some one-liners...

You got it. Put in effort into EACH message you send. Sending out messages is like writing cover letters for jobs: the bulk of it can be cut-and-pasted, but there HAS to be unique elements in each message that directly relate to her profile so that it doesn't look cut-and-pasted.

We got together between classes Monday and had lunch. Started talking about movies she and I like. Turns out she loves One Piece and Ryan Gosling (which I don't) however she hasn't seen many of my favorite movies! She suggested watching some together.

So, date #2 is a go! Movies at her place this Thursday.

Movies I suggested, some she's already seen.

Blade Runner
Gladiator (seen it)
Amadeus
50/50
Alien (seen it)
Leon: The Professional
It's kind of a Funny Story (seen it)
Legend
Princess Mononoke
Spirited Away (seen it)

Good call with a movie for date #2. It sounds like she's definitely into you for sure, and she has agreed to a movie second date because she full well knows what's going to happen, i.e. you two aren't going to finish the movie because you'll be sucking each others' faces before the credits.

Movie choice isn't going to be super important because of how much she's already into you. Definitely do not choose a violent or gory movie. If she's into anime (which I'm guessing based on the fact that she's nerdy enough, in a good way, to have a Wii emulator or whatever you said before) I'd go with Spirited Away or Princess Mononoke. I asked my girlfriend which is better as a date movie and she immediately said Spirited Away... But only if Howl's Moving Castle isn't a third option. Something to think about.
 
If you get a vasectomy, a prenup, and heavy duty earplugs, maybe?

In my experience: NO! In yours? Well, try and find out! Just tread carefully. :)

This. DO NOT DO IT! Learn from me. I have been down that road, a 5.5 year long road. It did not fucking work.

Devout religion and not religious never works, no matter if it's christian or whatever.


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Enjoy your crappy relationships then. I love your implication that non-religious girls don't exist too.

Edit: And by the way, you just called Evilore forever alone, I just want to point that out.

Wooooahhh woah, that was supposed to represent me, not them. It wouldn't even make sense to make that kind of presumption about people giving me advice.

I think you took that response a bit too seriously.....
 
Wooooahhh woah, that was supposed to represent me, not them. It wouldn't even make sense to make that kind of presumption about people giving me advice.

I think you took that response a bit too seriously.....

Oh, sorry. I thought you were basically saying "Congratulations, you're all going to be forever alone with refusing to date religious girls." I didn't realize that. My apologies.
 
So I think I'm totally over my ex. It's been six months and a few weeks ago she said some rather nasty things to me. I wallowed in it for a few days, but then I spoke to my counselor who is helping me with my stress and all of the sadness went away.

The following day, I was re-united with my best friends in Scranton drinking and having a grand ole time. Friday night I got drunk too early and stayed in for the night. Which may have been a blessing in disguise. A girl who is kind of crazy has been into me since the break up and really wanted to get into my pants that night, so it was a blessing in disguise.

Saturday night was great though. I was at a house party and I met this wonderful girl. She's extremely pretty, athletic but still girly, and so far she's pretty fun. Unfortunately for me I had to go home Sunday, but I'm going back up next weekend for Parade Day so we'll see how things go.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I really do like this girl and I could already see a future with her. I haven't been this excited in a long time, since the first few weeks while dating my ex. I'm nervous that it might be too soon though. I don't feel like it is, but I keep looking at where I was six months ago and I'm wondering that maybe I'm not recognizing how short of a time it was between the break up and finding this girl.
 
So I think I'm totally over my ex. It's been six months and a few weeks ago she said some rather nasty things to me. I wallowed in it for a few days, but then I spoke to my counselor who is helping me with my stress and all of the sadness went away.

The following day, I was re-united with my best friends in Scranton drinking and having a grand ole time. Friday night I got drunk too early and stayed in for the night. Which may have been a blessing in disguise. A girl who is kind of crazy has been into me since the break up and really wanted to get into my pants that night, so it was a blessing in disguise.

Saturday night was great though. I was at a house party and I met this wonderful girl. She's extremely pretty, athletic but still girly, and so far she's pretty fun. Unfortunately for me I had to go home Sunday, but I'm going back up next weekend for Parade Day so we'll see how things go.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I really do like this girl and I could already see a future with her. I haven't been this excited in a long time, since the first few weeks while dating my ex. I'm nervous that it might be too soon though. I don't feel like it is, but I keep looking at where I was six months ago and I'm wondering that maybe I'm not recognizing how short of a time it was between the break up and finding this girl.

Why does this matter how long it was? I was dumped in a 5.5 year relationship about ONE MONTH ago. Guess what? I have a date on Thursday. About 3 weeks ago, I attempted to ask out a girl that worked at a store in town (she had a boyfriend I found out). You have to get back on the horse sometime, why not sooner rather than later?
 
Why does this matter how long it was? I was dumped in a 5.5 year relationship about ONE MONTH ago. Guess what? I have a date on Thursday. About 3 weeks ago, I attempted to ask out a girl that worked at a store in town (she had a boyfriend I found out). You have to get back on the horse sometime, why not sooner rather than later?

Well this girl isn't the first one I've dated or had sex with since the break up, but I can already tell that I could really fall for this girl and the last thing I want to do is bring in a bunch of baggage that I haven't completely resolved just yet.

That's what ruined my last relationship. I would tuck my stress away and then have it blow up months later. I've learned from that now, but I'm still worried that I'll have this happen later without me knowing it.

I guess just go for it and hope that the steps that I've taken to improve my stress coping skills has worked?
 
This is a great philosophy in life generally and it'll change your life. Not just the rationale, but DOING STUFF, being spontaneous. It'll make you powerful and you'll learn a lot.

Yup I can tell Its already had an effect and I only read it at Christmas!
Took me like four days to read it? Im sure alot of people ITT have a few days and a few dollars to spare to give it a shot! :)
 
Just as a random tip:

If you manage to get a horny girl to bed with you, don't come within the next 5-10 minutes. And if you do fail so miserable that you actually do so, don't say that "Oh, well, you didn't order the premium package anyways".

It is very likely, that she don't want to do that again with you. She might also decide that:

1. "If I would have ordered the premiun package, you so wouldn't be in my bed. The door is there."

2. You are a huge failure who haven't got sex in a long, long time.

3. You have no idea how to please a woman.

4. She is not going to take it as a compliment, that she was so hot, you just couldn't help yourself.
 
Just as a random tip:

If you manage to get a horny girl to bed with you, don't come within the next 5-10 minutes. And if you do fail so miserable that you actually do so, don't say that "Oh, well, you didn't order the premium package anyways".

It is very likely, that she don't want to do that again with you. She might also decide that:

1. "If I would have ordered the premiun package, you so wouldn't be in my bed. The door is there."

2. You are a huge failure who haven't got sex in a long, long time.

3. You have no idea how to please a woman.

4. She is not going to take it as a compliment, that she was so hot, you just couldn't help yourself.

Saying number 1 obviously isn't a smart move. But two and three might actually be true for a couple of guys in here. Though saying 'you're a failure who hasn't had sex in a long, long time.', might come of pretty harsh. Any tips and what to do when that does indeed happen? Might be a bit more...constructive :)

Dunno if this will lead to our Google overlords getting mad.

I'd like to ask for some other advice: I work at a gym. Once or twice a week this girl/women will come to the bar and order a capuccino with extra milk. She says she's very busy, but she's usually at the bar for at least fifteen minutes, even after she's done with her coffee. We've got pretty good chemistry, never a dull moment in the conversation and I make her laugh a lot. Problem is, while I'm talking to her, other customers want to be served as well. Don't know where they get the guts to ask me things when I'm talking to someone but...ah well. (when I'm busy she's just sitting there, texting, waiting for me to finish so she can talk to me)

I'm kind of fed up with our conversation being interrupted by other customers, so I'm thinking of asking her out. Something like: "I know you like my capuccinos, but how about we go get some coffee somewhere else. Somewhere I won't have to serve other obnoxious people?" Seems easy enough, but I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is about asking people out who come to your gym...

edit: like the above, the question would of course be tongue in cheek.
 
We got together between classes Monday and had lunch. Started talking about movies she and I like. Turns out she loves One Piece and Ryan Gosling (which I don't) however she hasn't seen many of my favorite movies! She suggested watching some together.

So, date #2 is a go! Movies at her place this Thursday.

Movies I suggested, some she's already seen.

Blade Runner
Gladiator (seen it)
Amadeus
50/50
Alien (seen it)
Leon: The Professional
It's kind of a Funny Story (seen it)
Legend
Princess Mononoke
Spirited Away (seen it)

Mononoke if she's into that. Beats all the others for a "cuddling under a blanket" movie in my book. But it could just be that that's what suits my style.
 
Saying number 1 obviously isn't a smart move. But two and three might actually be true for a couple of guys in here. Though saying 'you're a failure who hasn't had sex in a long, long time.', might come of pretty harsh. Any tips and what to do when that does indeed happen? Might be a bit more...constructive :)


Surely saying the number 1 isn't a smart move, but then again, the man's comment wasn't really that smart either. You kinda get what you ordered.

If you don't manage to say anything absolutely sarcastic, you can always try to go with the lines that she was just so sexy and hot and felt so good you just couldn't help yourself. If you do it right, a girl can actually take it as a compliment and feel good about herself. And you want make the girl feel good, so after that you say you are really sorry and then you can always suggest another try. I am pretty sure she would go for it and think that you are rather adorable.

So yes, no need to be afraid or stress that it might happen - there is a way to play it well. There are also numerous ways to totally fail with it, don't do those.

Dunno if this will lead to our Google overlords getting mad.
I would hope so. It isn't my best interest or my intention to piss the Google Gods.

Mononoke if she's into that. Beats all the others for a "cuddling under a blanket" movie in my book. But it could just be that that's what suits my style.
Sheap, Mononoke is a good way to go. Also "My Neighbor Totoro" is one of the cutest movies ever so if she haven't seen it and she likes Miyazaki, I would also suggest that one.
 
Just as a random tip:

If you manage to get a horny girl to bed with you, don't come within the next 5-10 minutes. And if you do fail so miserable that you actually do so, don't say that "Oh, well, you didn't order the premium package anyways".
What you should be saying is "ah...I'm sorry. I've been stressed out lately" or something. I don't exactly pick up chicks so usually before I've gotten them horny they're already into me so it's not a problem, so if something like that happens your best bets are either:
1. Eat her out or finger her whichever she prefers and at least make her come (which shows you care more than just your share)
2. wait, and try again instead of just being like "welp i came once, time to roll over and sleep"
 
What you should be saying is "ah...I'm sorry. I've been stressed out lately" or something. I don't exactly pick up chicks so usually before I've gotten them horny they're already into me so it's not a problem, so if something like that happens your best bets are either:
1. Eat her out or finger her whichever she prefers and at least make her come (which shows you care more than just your share)
2. wait, and try again instead of just being like "welp i came once, time to roll over and sleep"
Both are good ways to go, even if mentioning stress as an excuse isn't really the best option.

You can also read my suggestions on my previous post and one of the best excuses what to use.
 
Surely saying the number 1 isn't a smart move, but then again, the man's comment wasn't really that smart either. You kinda get what you ordered.

Wait...somebody actually said that? I can imagine coming to soon being an stressfull/awkward situation, and not knowing what to say...but that? Wowzers...smart move... :s
 
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I really do like this girl and I could already see a future with her.
This part here: getting ahead of yourself! I suggest you sit back and see where this goes. Seeing a future with someone so soon is a recipe for disaster. It shouldn't be but life is messed up like that.

EDIT: Regarding cumming too soon. I propose an alternative: DON'T APOLOGIZE! If it happens just keep your head up and accept it for what it is. Instead of being sorry or worrying, just go eat the girl out and don't let it linger. You come off as much more confident and powerful!
 
Just as a random tip:

If you manage to get a horny girl to bed with you, don't come within the next 5-10 minutes. And if you do fail so miserable that you actually do so, don't say that "Oh, well, you didn't order the premium package anyways".

It is very likely, that she don't want to do that again with you. She might also decide that:

1. "If I would have ordered the premiun package, you so wouldn't be in my bed. The door is there."

2. You are a huge failure who haven't got sex in a long, long time.

3. You have no idea how to please a woman.

4. She is not going to take it as a compliment, that she was so hot, you just couldn't help yourself.


Is #1 from experience? It sounds like experience.

I probably wouldn't last 15 seconds, welp.
 
I got a message back from a cute girl tonight. That tumblr posting the bad messages made me realize mine might be coming off too formal and interview like. They weren't as bad as those but still too similar for my liking. So rather than any introductions I instantly went into talking about her. The thing is she kind of ignored my questions and seemed more interested at my first statement(saying she was the second tallest girl I've seen on there) and was more curious on who was the tallest. Well, I guess it's a reply. Do you think I should reply with another question included or just try and keep it more casual?
 
I might give online dating ago again, but I'd much sooner get my act together IRL first (although at the moment I feel pretty crappy).

If I were to I'd need to take a new photo of myself, since I look pretty shit in all of them.
 
I might give online dating ago again, but I'd much sooner get my act together IRL first (although at the moment I feel pretty crappy).

If I were to I'd need to take a new photo of myself, since I look pretty shit in all of them.
Online dating has never worked for me. And the more I've thought about the whole process the more off-putting the whole thing feels. It's like the worst possible setup for interaction between people being categorized and put through a job-hunt. No one likes job hunting.

And yeah, I've never had any good pictures taken of me. Plus, I'm always alone in pictures and I recall a post saying how if you only have pictures of you by yourself, that's not going to be attractive to others at all.
 
What you should be saying is "ah...I'm sorry. I've been stressed out lately" or something. I don't exactly pick up chicks so usually before I've gotten them horny they're already into me so it's not a problem, so if something like that happens your best bets are either:
1. Eat her out or finger her whichever she prefers and at least make her come (which shows you care more than just your share)
2. wait, and try again instead of just being like "welp i came once, time to roll over and sleep"

Good oral is fucking awesome. That being said I really can't understand women who refuse to be eaten out.
 
And yeah, I've never had any good pictures taken of me. Plus, I'm always alone in pictures and I recall a post saying how if you only have pictures of you by yourself, that's not going to be attractive to others at all.

What a load of fuck. Most profiles I see are them alone and who the hell would include other people in a picture of YOUR dating profile? You crop them out anyway.
 
What a load of fuck. Most profiles I see are them alone and who the hell would include other people in a picture of YOUR dating profile? You crop them out anyway.
Well, if you only have pictures of yourself alone, that gives the impression that this person either doesn't have any friends or is a weird loner. But then again, I have no idea what constitutes as a good profile picture since Ive never gotten anywhere with mine.
 
Good oral is fucking awesome. That being said I really can't understand women who refuse to be eaten out.

Some girls (like my ex) are very insecure about their kitty kat i guess.

So yea one of my room mates is moving out and my gf made an off handed comment about her wanting to be my next roommate. Is it weird that I'm taking her offer seriously? (we've only been going out for 3 months)
 
Just as a random tip:

If you manage to get a horny girl to bed with you, don't come within the next 5-10 minutes. And if you do fail so miserable that you actually do so, don't say that "Oh, well, you didn't order the premium package anyways".

It is very likely, that she don't want to do that again with you. She might also decide that:

1. "If I would have ordered the premiun package, you so wouldn't be in my bed. The door is there."

2. You are a huge failure who haven't got sex in a long, long time.

3. You have no idea how to please a woman.

4. She is not going to take it as a compliment, that she was so hot, you just couldn't help yourself.


http://www.news-medical.net/news/2008/04/01/36825.aspx

Penn State Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani conducted a survey of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which include psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses who have collectively seen thousands of patients over several decades.

Thirty-four, or 68 percent, of the group responded and rated a range of time amounts for sexual intercourse, from penetration of the vagina by the penis until ejaculation, that they considered adequate, desirable, too short and too long.

The average therapists' responses defined the ranges of intercourse activity times: "adequate," from 3-7 minutes; "desirable," from 7-13 minutes; "too short" from 1-2 minutes; and "too long" from 10-30 minutes.

"A man's or woman's interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner's relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society's messages, formal and informal," the researchers said. “"Unfortunately, today's popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse. "

Past research has found that a large percentage of men and women, who responded, wanted sex to last 30 minutes or longer.

"This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction," said lead author Eric Corty, associate professor of psychology. "With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions."
 
Some girls (like my ex) are very insecure about their kitty kat i guess.

So yea one of my room mates is moving out and my gf made an off handed comment about her wanting to be my next roommate. Is it weird that I'm taking her offer seriously? (we've only been going out for 3 months)

It's probably weird like dudes who refuse blowjobs.

I try to respect sexual preferences but they really don't know what they're missing god damn.
 
Just as a random tip:

If you manage to get a horny girl to bed with you, don't come within the next 5-10 minutes. And if you do fail so miserable that you actually do so, don't say that "Oh, well, you didn't order the premium package anyways".

It is very likely, that she don't want to do that again with you. She might also decide that:

1. "If I would have ordered the premiun package, you so wouldn't be in my bed. The door is there."

2. You are a huge failure who haven't got sex in a long, long time.

3. You have no idea how to please a woman.


4. She is not going to take it as a compliment, that she was so hot, you just couldn't help yourself.

That's fucking stupid and ridiculous. I was down that road when I first had a girl / other girls, from my experience, this is just bullshit.

I was a virgin before I met my first girl but that does't mean I was a loser / failure. Period. She is a huge sex addict. She loves sex. And guess what? I went pretty quick but she didn't mind it at all and the same applies for some of the other girls I met down the line and none of them had this though of process at all. Not one even thought of me like that.

Most girls will understand and cope with it. In my case, the girls did. And was very helpful with the whole process. Was a lot of fun!

Honestly guys, if you feel you will go within the first 5-10 minutes of having sex, just make sure she knows before hand that you're a virgin and / or you haven't been laid in a while so that way her expectations are set going in.

I don't know how you would actually word / say it (the whole I haven't been laid in a while), that's going to be a bit hard but saying you're a virgin to a girl isn't hard at all, I was brutally honest about that. I never lied.

Maybe you think like that but fuck off with that advice.
 
That's fucking stupid and ridiculous. I was down that road when I first had a girl / other girls, from my experience, this is just bullshit.

I was a virgin before I met my first girl but that does't mean I was a loser / failure. Period. She is a huge sex addict. She loves sex. And guess what? I went pretty quick but she didn't mind it at all and the same applies for some of the other girls I met down the line and none of them had this though of process at all. Not one even thought of me like that.

Most girls will understand and cope with it. In my case, the girls did. And was very helpful with the whole process. Was a lot of fun!

Honestly guys, if you feel you will go within the first 5-10 minutes of having sex, just make sure she knows before hand that you're a virgin and / or you haven't been laid in a while so that way her expectations are set going in.

I don't know how you would actually word / say it (the whole I haven't been laid in a while), that's going to be a bit hard but saying you're a virgin to a girl isn't hard at all, I was brutally honest about that. I never lied.

Maybe you think like that but fuck off with that advice.

Yes, Sadetar's being an asshole toward the guy she took home and giving terrible advice to gaffers. "FEEL LIKE A LOSER IF YOU COME IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES" is not exactly constructive or realistic. You're only going to last longer if you're less nervous, more comfortable and more experienced, and even then, if we're talking intercourse alone and not the whole time in bed, 10-15 minutes is considerably above average.

Constructive advice: focus on foreplay, be relaxed, and communicate. If you're disappointed in how quickly your partner's going, then be assertive about getting foreplay going and slowing things down and swapping to different positions, instead of just condemning them after letting whatever happen.
 
It's also kind of unfair to always make the penis in vagina the main event. There's so much fun you can have doing other things, leading up to that or afterwards.
 
Yes, Sadetar's being an asshole toward the guy she took home and giving terrible advice to gaffers. "FEEL LIKE A LOSER IF YOU COME IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES" is not exactly constructive or realistic. You're only going to last longer if you're less nervous, more comfortable and more experienced, and even then, if we're talking intercourse alone and not the whole time in bed, 10-15 minutes is considerably above average.

Constructive advice: focus on foreplay, be relaxed, and communicate. If you're disappointed in how quickly your partner's going, then be assertive about getting foreplay going and slowing things down and swapping to different positions, instead of just condemning them after letting whatever happen.

It's just the way she worded / stated it. Isn't the whole point of this thread is to help other guys / girls get some dating advice (including myself, very helpful thread) but that wasn't advice. She was making every single guy in here feel like a huge failure / loser or a guy that has no idea how to please a woman if they go early with such a redundant / nonsensical statement.

How is that even advice? Or even constructive advice? She's basically saying, if you go early, you are fucked.

Does she even know there's so much more to sex that dictates how quickly a guy might go during sex (intercourse)?

Sex is not everything. Foreplay is exciting and very fun for both you and your partner. So even though, if the guy goes real quick when it comes to the main thing, the girl will definitely remember the foreplay.

Foreplay makes sex that much more exciting as well. The build up, the teasing (this one can be a real pain if you are being teased but it's also a lot of fun to do if you are the one pulling the shots).
 
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