Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Hylian7 said:
Which is what I was trying to do with the date in the first place, however I just thought it might be uncomfortable to exchange phone numbers without meeting in person first. The first time she was available would be tomorrow, so a sooner date wasn't possible. Fuck, I hope I didn't fuck this up, she seemed interested too.



You probably did okay, as long as you were fairly specific. Complementing her looks might have helped (it did in my case).




I'm not making the PoF profile, don't worry. We had a place and day set up, and she said we could do that day as long as she didn't have school work. We didn't set up a time though. :/
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Easiest way to get around that problem:

You: "We should get a drink sometime this week. Are you free [on this day]?"
Her: "Yeah, that sounds like fun if I don't have school work."
You: "Alright, here's my number. Text me yours and I'll call you so we can figure out the details."

Always call to "officially" ask her out.
 
Roger Danish said:
Easiest way to get around that problem:

You: "We should get a drink sometime this week. Are you free [on this day]?"
Her: "Yeah, that sounds like fun if I don't have school work."
You: "Alright, here's my number. Text me yours and I'll call you so we can figure out the details."

Always call to "officially" ask her out.
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Yeah....I didn't think I could do that online as in with real life.

Regardless, she still has one more day, so lets hope she sees the message and says one way or the other.
 
In some ways, it's really difficult to gauge the limit of being "confident" so that it doesn't cross to the "arrogant" or "boastful" territory, huh?
 
Laughing Banana said:
In some ways, it's really difficult to gauge the limit of being "confident" so that it doesn't cross to the "arrogant" or "boastful" territory, huh?
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I don't think many people find it an issue to be arrogant or boastful, as long as you do it in such a way that doesn't have to demean the girl.
 
Laughing Banana said:
In some ways, it's really difficult to gauge the limit of being "confident" so that it doesn't cross to the "arrogant" or "boastful" territory, huh?
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I think the difference between confidence and arrogance is not the level of confidence, but the way you present yourself.

They often times get grouped together, but I think they're two separate things.
 
edornob said:
Is it possible to break the "friend" barrier? Let me explain a situation I've encountered.

As of last year me and my friend chilled almost everyday and on the phone for hours oh plenty. I think things became weird late last year when I asked her out on the date. She said "I don't date friends" and claimed it wasn't weird. Right after I started dating another girl and my friend ignored me for about a week. She finally picked up my phone call and admitted she isn't only weird by the thought of what happened made her angry that "it was too good to be just friends".

So I gave her space as she requested. I ended up getting contacts, working out, and recently she's asked to chill with her again. So we chill and sometimes will be on the phone. This time around I completely treated as a friend to friend relationship because I thought she's crazy for needing 2 months of space just because I asked her out. Thoughts?

I easily move on to the next girl but this "friend zone" is something I've wondered if it can be destroyed.
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Don't waste your time.

In my experience, if you're going to break out of the friend zone you need either her to be open to the idea (which she's clearly not), or a lot of space between the two of you, almost like a restart of your friendship. 2 months isn't enough time to reboot your relationship with her, and it sounds like you've already begun to fall back into your old routine.

I think this one's a lost cause. Don't create stress you don't need, look elsewhere.
 
how do you view if a good looking guy gives his contact info first to a girl than vice versa ? I'm getting mixed replies from girls on this subject.
 
I guess for now all I can do is wait on OKC girl to log in and see the message. Perhaps she just forgot her OKC password or something....which would really suck if she doesn't get that fixed until after tomorrow.
 
Hylian7 said:
I guess for now all I can do is wait on OKC girl to log in and see the message. Perhaps she just forgot her OKC password or something....which would really suck if she doesn't get that fixed until after tomorrow.
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I think you're just worrying too much.
 
rapid32.5 said:
how do you view if a good looking guy gives his contact info first to a girl than vice versa ? I'm getting mixed replies from girls on this subject.
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Are you just asking for opinions on whether or not, as a guy, it's ok to give out his information first?

If so then yes. In fact nowadays, that's just about all I do. You can test the waters by letting her reach out to you first. If she does, she's interested, and if she doesn't reach out to you, she wasn't going to reply to your texts/calls in the first place, so no harm done.

I think this is a practice every guy should get into if they haven't already.

edornob said:
Advice greatly appreciated luckyboyceo. I have more stories to share!


Last year there was this other girl who I spent some time with for a bit. Went on a date, etc.
Then I wasn't feeling her and completely dismissed her. If I remember correctly, I said something along the lines of "Hey I was just want to be friends."


This year this girl became some choreographer and looks gorgeous! She also has a boyfriend shortly after I dismissed her. She asked me to escort her at some club last week but instead I asked her to escort me with some friends around bars. She came, alone, looking stunning. My friends thought we were acting too couple-y. Hand holding, dancing, but I didn't advance because I knew very well of her status.

She asked me out this Friday to be with her at some bar because she'll be all alone. Thoughts? Another friend zone or trying to get another shot?
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Why is she going to all these clubs/bars alone when she supposedly has a boyfriend? That's the part that I don't understand. Is it a long distance relationship or something? Does she flirt with you while you're out? Do you think she might have a thing for you?
 
Well you guys remember that girl which is my best friend which I also really like and which is kind of dominant?

Last days we really were in a good mood, fought at the end of the evening, she bites me everywhere (neck, face) and I grab her and press her against myself.

As she was home yesterday after we were at my place, I wrote her that we should have a date in a few days. She said "why? i don't like this idea blablabla best friends I love you as a friend"

Well point is, that she says that it would suck to be together with someone from our friendcircle - my thought is whatever. Her friends are a little bit mad at her because she's everyday at my place.

I kind of don't know, I said a few other things like that she's afraid and that she's a bullhead and that I really want a chance just for a fucking date.

Today she wants to talk about these things, I guess that's the point where I have to say that I don't like this idea and she's wrong that she doesn't give this a shot. I guess she's afraid that we really come together. Guess I have to tell her that this won't work and that I appreciate our friendship but that I want a shot and if she says no, I will bail out (more tim in march for playing games that I missed, yay!)

Any advise from you guys? I think that bailing out for a few weeks without saying that I bail out will help her to miss me and in that time I can also bail out of that phony friendcircle and go my own way :)
 
Mendrox said:
Well you guys remember that girl which is my best friend which I also really like and which is kind of dominant?

Last days we really were in a good mood, fought at the end of the evening, she bites me everywhere (neck, face) and I grab her and press her against myself.

As she was home yesterday after we were at my place, I wrote her that we should have a date in a few days. She said "why? i don't like this idea blablabla best friends I love you as a friend"

Well point is, that she says that it would suck to be together with someone from our friendcircle - my thought is whatever. Her friends are a little bit mad at her because she's everyday at my place.

I kind of don't know, I said a few other things like that she's afraid and that she's a bullhead and that I really want a chance just for a fucking date.

Today she wants to talk about these things, I guess that's the point where I have to say that I don't like this idea and she's wrong that she doesn't give this a shot. I guess she's afraid that we really come together. Guess I have to tell her that this won't work and that I appreciate our friendship but that I want a shot and if she says no, I will bail out (more tim in march for playing games that I missed, yay!)

Any advise from you guys? I think that bailing out for a few weeks without saying that I bail out will help her to miss me and in that time I can also bail out of that phony friendcircle and go my own way :)
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I'm confused, is this sex play or an actual fight? If the latter, BAIL THE FUCK OUT.
 
Mendrox said:
Well you guys remember that girl which is my best friend which I also really like and which is kind of dominant?

Last days we really were in a good mood, fought at the end of the evening, she bites me everywhere (neck, face) and I grab her and press her against myself.

As she was home yesterday after we were at my place, I wrote her that we should have a date in a few days. She said "why? i don't like this idea blablabla best friends I love you as a friend"

Well point is, that she says that it would suck to be together with someone from our friendcircle - my thought is whatever. Her friends are a little bit mad at her because she's everyday at my place.

I kind of don't know, I said a few other things like that she's afraid and that she's a bullhead and that I really want a chance just for a fucking date.

Today she wants to talk about these things, I guess that's the point where I have to say that I don't like this idea and she's wrong that she doesn't give this a shot. I guess she's afraid that we really come together. Guess I have to tell her that this won't work and that I appreciate our friendship but that I want a shot and if she says no, I will bail out (more tim in march for playing games that I missed, yay!)

Any advise from you guys? I think that bailing out for a few weeks without saying that I bail out will help her to miss me and in that time I can also bail out of that phony friendcircle and go my own way :)
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I don't understand any of this.
 
There is this girl I met and we hang out on a friends level and she invited me to her place last week and she lives alone. I went to use her bathroom and noticed two toothbrushes but didn't think much of it.

Last night I hung out at her place again and noticed one toothbrush. This got me thinking if she is seeing someone on the side and if I should casually drop in the question about the toothbrush.

From what I know she isn't seeing anyone right now.
 
boundedseven said:
There is this girl I met and we hang out on a friends level and she invited me to her place last week and she lives alone. I went to use her bathroom and noticed two toothbrushes but didn't think much of it.

Last night I hung out at her place again and noticed one toothbrush. This got me thinking if she is seeing someone on the side and if I should casually drop in the question about the toothbrush.

From what I know she isn't seeing anyone right now.
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That would be creepy. She will say that you should mind your own business and will surely think that you are also an overthinking stalker. DON'T DO IT.
Maybe she had one in reserve? An old one? And threw it away? ;-) Dont think too much.
 
Mendrox said:
That would be creepy. She will say that you should mind your own business and will surely think that you are also an overthinking stalker. DON'T DO IT.
Maybe she had one in reserve? An old one? And threw it away? ;-) Dont think too much.
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Your're probably right but Im thinking it can be pulled of if it is phrased in the right way. Like she has a cat so I could say, so you threw out your cat's toothbrush, what if she gets cavities
 
boundedseven said:
Your're probably right but Im thinking it can be pulled of if it is phrased in the right way. Like she has a cat so I could say, so you threw out your cat's toothbrush, what if she gets cavities
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The point is that you mention a second toothbrush, like that you try to investigate her surroundings because it could be that you find something interesting. Don't mention it at all, just let it be. Could be a factor that kicks your ass, that's not something to make something good out of it with a good saying. ;)
 
boundedseven said:
Your're probably right but Im thinking it can be pulled of if it is phrased in the right way. Like she has a cat so I could say, so you threw out your cat's toothbrush, what if she gets cavities
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Might also just be a friends? I keep a spare one at my girl mates house as I was forever forgetting mine when I come up too see her.I woudnt bring it up atall as quite frankly even im blown away by you noticing that.
 
Last night's wisdom is that clubbing in a suit = sweaty. Don't do it :) It got us an incredible amount of attention ("Are you guys guards?", "Oh my, you're handsome!") but I'm not so sure it was worth it, hehe.
 
Minamu said:
Last night's wisdom is that clubbing in a suit = sweaty. Don't do it :) It got us an incredible amount of attention ("Are you guys guards?", "Oh my, you're handsome!") but I'm not so sure it was worth it, hehe.
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Try wearing a lighter suit maybe? I've got one that's made out of really light fabric, I'd imagine that one would be suitable.
Or check out some less hot/humid clubs.
 
boundedseven said:
There is this girl I met and we hang out on a friends level and she invited me to her place last week and she lives alone. I went to use her bathroom and noticed two toothbrushes but didn't think much of it.

Last night I hung out at her place again and noticed one toothbrush. This got me thinking if she is seeing someone on the side and if I should casually drop in the question about the toothbrush.

From what I know she isn't seeing anyone right now.
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Honestly though, if you hang out at a friends level then it's her right to have anyone over she chooses. If she sees you as a friend then she probably wouldn't think she's doing anything wrong. Straight asking her if she is seeing anyone is far less suspicious then questioning about a toothbrush. If you have feelings for her tell her sooner rather than later but be blunt about it instead of confronting her about things she wouldn't consider being inappropriate.
 
scar tissue said:
Try wearing a lighter suit maybe? I've got one that's made out of really light fabric, I'd imagine that one would be suitable.
Or check out some less hot/humid clubs.
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We usually party so hard we might as well do it topless xD There's usually a smoking area up top where you can cool off but it wasn't open last night. We don't need better or less clothes, we need to chill out, hehe.
 
EviLore said:
Confidence becomes arrogance as soon as you can't actually pull it off ;b
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Stealing this for posterity.

Now, I've been wondering - what do y'all think is the best way to approach someone at a party? I know not to approach someone on the dance floor, but what's the best... opening, if you will?
 
JokerOfSpades said:
Stealing this for posterity.

Now, I've been wondering - what do y'all think is the best way to approach someone at a party? I know not to approach someone on the dance floor, but what's the best... opening, if you will?
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Hey, so how do you know XYZ/the Host?

pretty standard fare but there we go, works for me.
 
Ok, I feel that after all the comments I need to open up what I said or at least meant to say a little bit more.

EviLore said:
Yes, Sadetar's being an asshole toward the guy she took home and giving terrible advice to gaffers. "FEEL LIKE A LOSER IF YOU COME IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES" is not exactly constructive or realistic. You're only going to last longer if you're less nervous, more comfortable and more experienced, and even then, if we're talking intercourse alone and not the whole time in bed, 10-15 minutes is considerably above average.

Constructive advice: focus on foreplay, be relaxed, and communicate. If you're disappointed in how quickly your partner's going, then be assertive about getting foreplay going and slowing things down and swapping to different positions, instead of just condemning them after letting whatever happen.
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I think I wasn't that clear in my first message and didn't word things out as well as I most likely should have and I am truly sorry for that. We weren't talking the intercouse alone. The girl will be an asshole, if you don't even try to please her, come too quickly as in she isn't pleased and don't even try to handle it afterward as a male.

Sadetar said:
...don't say that "Oh, well, you didn't order the premium package anyways".
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I don't suggest male to use those lines in bed after sex. If you do so and then get away from bed not even planning to do anything else, the said female most likely don't appreaciate your performance or your attitude and might create negative thoughts about you all in all. If you actually like her and want to spend time with her afterwards, I can't really say that would be the best option.

Sadetar said:
If you don't manage to say anything absolutely sarcastic, you can always try to go with the lines that she was just so sexy and hot and felt so good you just couldn't help yourself. If you do it right, a girl can actually take it as a compliment and feel good about herself. And you want make the girl feel good, so after that you say you are really sorry and then you can always suggest another try. I am pretty sure she would go for it and think that you are rather adorable.

So yes, no need to be afraid or stress that it might happen - there is a way to play it well. There are also numerous ways to totally fail with it, don't do those.
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But like I have stated before, there is always other better ways to handle the situation. Also like couple people have said before

Tess3ract said:
Eat her out or finger her whichever she prefers and at least make her come (which shows you care more than just your share)
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will most likely work extremely well.

So all in all, no need to feel like a loser if you come quickly or relatively quickly. Just do some work before that and after that and you will be totally fine.
 
I had a pretty good first date last night. Until she put me into a shitty situation of asking "can my guy friend join us" literally in the middle of the date. And then 10 minutes after he got there, she asked me if he if should give me a ride home (even though I walked to the bar we were at. SHe knew this too). I felt like she was trying to hook me up with her guy friend (she thought he might have been gay?) so I bailed and walked home and left the two of them there. She texted me like 10 minutes later saying she had a good time and wanted another date. I told her no thanks and that for future reference, you shouldn't add other guys to your first dates mid-date.
 
obijkenobi said:
I had a pretty good first date last night. Until she put me into a shitty situation of asking "can my guy friend join us" literally in the middle of the date. And then 10 minutes after he got there, she asked me if he if should give me a ride home (even though I walked to the bar we were at. SHe knew this too). I felt like she was trying to hook me up with her guy friend (she thought he might have been gay?) so I bailed and walked home and left the two of them there. She texted me like 10 minutes later saying she had a good time and wanted another date. I told her no thanks and that for future reference, you shouldn't add other guys to your first dates mid-date.
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Awww, poor little thing. That is kinda awkward situation.

Was it official "date-date" or were you just together in the bar mose casually"? If it was a real date, then the girl were totally unpolite and I understand your frustration. Even though she might have really thought it would be friendly for his friend to take you home, if she knew you walked there. You know, she might have thought to save you the trouble of walking perhaps... I have hard time believing that if she was a date with you that she would try to hook you with her friend, even if the friend would be homosexual. You did still right though in my opinion. You just don't invite your friends to your date, it doesn't really matter are they female or male ones.
 
Johnlenham said:
Hey, so what class are you taking?
Hey, so do you go to XYZ college?

I duno man it just seems pretty straight forward to me.
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Yeah, I've used those before, but recently a female friend of mine was complaining about it ("I'm here to get away from school"), despite being aware of how it's used to branch off.
 
Fair point.
I just say "ah but who wants to talk about work!/college anyway!" and divert the conversation somewhere else.
Im drawing blanks though outside of that. I usually just try and play off something that ive seen "jeus did you see the guy wasted in the kitchen?" or something like that.
 
Sadetar said:
Awww, poor little thing. That is kinda awkward situation.

Was it official "date-date" or were you just together in the bar mose casually"? If it was a real date, then the girl were totally unpolite and I understand your frustration. Even though she might have really thought it would be friendly for his friend to take you home, if she knew you walked there. You know, she might have thought to save you the trouble of walking perhaps... I have hard time believing that if she was a date with you that she would try to hook you with her friend, even if the friend would be homosexual. You did still right though in my opinion. You just don't invite your friends to your date, it doesn't really matter are they female or male ones.
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Yes, it was obvious it was a date. The plan was to hit up a pizza joint after a few drinks. I guess I could mention she had already texted him telling him where we were. So litrally 2 minutes after "she asked" the guy showed up. The girl and I were outside when he came out and for me it was really awkward. She made it a point to have us stay outside a little big longer than him to tell me she thought he was gay which made it even more weird.

I have no problem hanging out in a group of friends on a date if that is what was arranged a head of time. Adding people mid date is just weird.
 
Need some advice so a girl in one of my classes was busy yesterday and I know she was. Today she is busy again before the class a couple of hours from now. So at the class should I act as if there's no problem and I'm just overthinking it, call her out on it or just ignore her.
 
I tried online dating very recently but that didn't work out. I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with my physical appearance, and if that's the truth then I have no idea what to do.

I'm 26 and have never been on a date in my life. Most girls at my age are looking to settle down and I haven't even started... I was considering just being arrogant and sexually crude. It is either that or play by everyone else's rules and never get laid.
 
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